Woman Asks If She Was Wrong To Make Boyfriend’s Mom Cry After She Gave Her Son A Paternity Gift

I wonder what the BF's job would think/do if they knew he was using his "paternity leave" to go on an all-expenses paid vacation out of the country while he's supposed to be home caring for his newborn child. Men have been fighting for the right to be given equal rights to paternity leave for years, if not decades, and so many still don't have the opportunity. If using that time to NOT stay home to take care of your kid but instead going on a solo "dream vacation" isn't abusing the system, I don't know what is.

I'm sorry, but I don't think that relationship is going to work.

When my wife was hospitalised (upto and including birth) for 2 weeks, I never left her side. I slept in the hospital canteen every night (I was even robbed). I spent EVERY waking hour with my wife and precious daughter. The nurses allowed me to stay even when visiting times finished.

If he does indeed go I hope OP calls the MIL at least 20 times a day so she has to help instead of her boyfriend. Let her clean the house, go get groceries, get her a glass of water because she is too sore to move around. All day, all night, the whole 2 weeks.

I know she's being induced but what if she has to have an emergency c-section, that's major surgery and she could be left with a tiny baby while struggling to even hold them whilst being in a whole heap of pain. The fact that the bf is saying he should at least go for a week would have me kicking him out so he can go back and live with mummy, permanently.

If he were to go, I and the infant would not be there when he returned. I'd call his place of employment also and let them know he went on vacation rather than paternity leave.

I agree, the mom should have asked the new mom and see if that would be OK. She seems to try to control the narrative in their relationship and thats not cool! Like what the leave is for....PATERNITY LEAVE, NOT PATERNITY VACATION! The mom sounds like she's Asian and that is a very typical Asian thing for the moms to think they know best. I'm Asian myself and trust me, this is kinda a normal thing within the family. However, this should have been a mutual decision and I wouldn't want my bf to go anywhere during the time when he should be spending time with the baby and gf. If he does this now before the baby comes or even after, then how many times will he do it for the life of the child? This is going to out a damper in their relationship. FYI, just having a child is going to change things anyhow. It always does but the mom should have anymore access stress.

Thats crazy. I just had a newborn 19 days ago and let me tell you, you will need his support/help taking care of the baby especially the first few weeks while your recovering from birth. This whole idea is stupid and your boyfriend should just reschedule his vacation for next year. Why he would even agree to leave you alone with a newborn right after your give birth is crazy. He is selfish and unrealistic and so is his mom.

Is it even *legal* to use paternity leave to take a trip without the baby? (Assuming it is official paternity leave, rather than saved-up vacation/personal days.) Even if it is allowed, if his coworkers have to pick up the slack for his paternity leave (as is typical at many US workplaces), he's being an A-hole to them, as well as to his wife and newborn child. I know if I was asked to take over a project or do overtime for a paternity leave, I would be understanding about it (at least to *him*, and direct any resentment to the management for not making other arrangements for this long-anticipated absence) but if I found out that the dude had used that time to take a fun trip, *leaving behind the baby and the other parent*, I'd be incandescent with rage.

All I have to say is - he's just a boyfriend - let him go on his vacation, and when he gets back, you'll be gone without a note. Go to your grandparents. I'm sure they'd be delighted to have you until you get your life back together. You really don't need this man in your life. You'll do fine with your child. Just try to relax and enjoy your child. Don't let anxiety and a useless boyfriend destroy that.

What the f@ck?!!!!! Weird awkward selfish perverse s**t. Run away girl!!!

So..what would his boss say to him using his paternity leave for a fun holiday?!

This MIL is thoroughly steeped in old wives tales and cultural practices. Many cultural practices (like fabrics, foods, and temperatures) do no harm and may be helpful, but this MIL really needs education on the ones that are potentially harmful. It seems like she does care and is making an effort, but it's in all the wrong places and causing potentially permanent damage to relationships. This is why childbirth classes for grandparents should be commonplace! SO much has changed, and so much has been learned, since the last generation had their children.

I can't imagine having created a child with someone and within a few days of having that child. The person I'm raising that child with up and leaves. It is bad enough that parents might have to leave after having a baby to go back to work for 8 hours daily. Much less the being able to have that time off to specifically spend with the family you created. Yet you choose to leave and take that time for something else. That would hurt me to my core and make me feel less important. Rightfully so for real.

Yea wow if I was her I would go ahead and end the relationship, RED FLAGS

It would honestly be better if he went to work, instead of taking the paternity leave and then spend two out of three weeks in a different Country. At least, he would come home after work and (hopefully) help that poor woman! How absurd! I get the whole concept of "birth is a female issue, it doesn't concern your husband, etc" which ia still quite present in certain cultures but usually in those cases a new mom is supported and helped by a whole group of other women: her mother, sisters, aunties and female neighbors. Nowadays it's quite common that people live very far from their family and they don't even know their neighbors so the family nucleus is much smaller. So fathers must step up to actively tend their newborns and partners. Also, in this case, it's certainly not the father that needs rest! What about the mother: nine months of high risk pregnancy, the whole process of giving birth and it's the man who goes on vacation?!

She needs to put her foot down, now. He is still putting his mother and her feelings first (along with his own selfish desires) ahead of his S.O. and now his child's well being. The entire point of paternity leave is for the father to be there to help raise his infant. It's not a vacation. What is with these mothers who think their sons shouldn't be prioritizing their families?

How do people communicate in this family ? High risk pregnancy means C-section is very likely at any time. The husband that doesn't say a word about his wishes, maybe he'd like to escape very far away (in Italy, by any chance ?), and the abusive MIL but I read and heard so many things about some Asian families' dynamics that it seems to be just a cultural thing, not a peculiar behaviour (correct me if I'm wrong). Good luck to them, especially the mother-to-be.

Wow, she is really old fashioned Asian, especially with the more info given in replies. OP better watch out, she might have an extra unwanted set of hands living with her after the baby is born. From experiences of other woman in similar positions, either their MIL are wonderful and super helpful or, more commonly, a nightmare and create a very stressful environment. With how opinionated the old lady is, I'd be guessing it wouldn't be rainbows and butterflies living with her

She’ll likely have to have a c-section as that is what happens if inducement fails, and it likely will if the Bub Isn’t ready. I reckon though, once he sees his daughter, he’ll be head over heels and won’t leave the ( and shouldn’t anyway). I did snort at someone’s comment about keeping the house clean. That’s way down the list of things a new mother needs to worry about.

Different cultures, DIFFERENT TIMES, his mom 'might' not understand that Patermity Means staying and Helping Mom & New born! Being Present! NOT Vacationing across the world away from them. Yet He needs to understand, new tradition ;-) BEING PRESENT, can vacation at another time!

Your boyfriend is an absolute ah just like his mother

Boyfriend. Make him an ex. And he should have stood up and said thanks mom but I want to be here to bond w my child and if you want to donate that money to the college fund that would be better.

I'm not making excuses, HOWEVER, this us very much a cultural thing. I'm honestly always quite astounded by the fact that people will marry into other cultures without having taken any note of what their partner's and his/ her family values are. I was a show called 90 day fiance where thus us cery much a problem. Our fellow American women will find men from devout Muslim countries and be "blindsided " by the fact that they can't do PDA, show lots of skin, etc, etc. Like how do you fall in love with and start a whole life with a person from another culture with no regard to that culture whatsoever. I'm not saying in any way, shaoe or form that anyone should bend to their partner's strict values, but a little research wouldn't hurt before you decide to become a part of a family. You should have already known by the time the baby arrived if your oartjer was the type to actually accept that gift. These situations are a majority of the time BF or Husband Problems, NOT MIL problems. The ILs will be who they are, it is your partner's duty to stick up for you!

She says she was in a car wreck at 27 weeks and in a high risk pregnancy! How can her BF bear to leave her knowing her circumstances? What if there are issues at birth and they need the father to make some important decisions? The BF doesn’t seem quite ready to have his world rocked by this infant, and his mother’s continuous insistence that men should not be involved is not helping. And what is up with telling her not to breastfeed? It should be up to her once the baby is born, and what she feels comfortable with. Poor mama. I’d love an update!

Cultural mores such as these are deeply ingrained. It's important to know about the family that you are joining with this baby so that you're hopefully able to ...I lost my train of thought, sorry

I'm confused. Is she 37 weeks pregnant or has the baby been born?

It's unusual to get divorced during a pregnancy but it would flash through Mt mind. Never marry or date an adult baby. Also it ain't the 80s anymore grandma. Fathers have to do their share of the work.

billikers has the right idea.

I say to let his workplace know and then dump him

He better not come back

That definitely sounds like a Chinese grandma thing. However, if she was also following Chinese grandma tradition she'd be moving in with OP for at least a month, not letting OP go outside, and a variety of other things. Has Chinese grandma got round to giving the revelation that she's moving in?

I can appreciate the old world tradition of it all BUT what I can't appreciate is she (the mother) should've updated it to a new tradition. Like "Hey when the baby is x age old I am sending you BOTH to a vacation in Italy to have some much needed alone time and I'll watch the baby" or something to that effect. Goodness.

Yet another fake aita post with a blatantly misleading title

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He is your Boyfriend, not your husband!

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