Woman Is Kicked Out Of Parents’ House On Her Birthday After Losing It When Everyone Gave Her Mom Luxurious Gifts And She Got Some Dishware Instead
Just because you have a kid, doesn’t mean that they ‘belong’ to you. It also doesn’t mean that you should expect to be praised by them for giving them the miracle of life every chance that you want. However, for some parents, getting a gift on Mother’s or Father’s Day or their birthdays isn’t enough. No, some parents expect gifts on their children’s birthdays, too, from all of them.
That’s exactly what happened to redditor u/ThrowawayBirthdayx96, a 25-year-old with three younger siblings, and an incredibly entitled mom. On each of their birthdays, their mom would get gifts, too. And pretty expensive ones, too. Now that the kids are growing up, they’re expected to pitch in and buy her the gifts themselves. On their own and their siblings’ birthdays. Say what?! Yup!
It reads like a story from The Twilight Zone, with a slightly more mundane twist. And you’ll find it all below. Be sure to let us know what you think about this incredibly weird family drama in the comments, dear Pandas.
One mom shocked the internet with her deep sense of entitlement
Image credits: Tricia (not the actual photo)
Her daughter explained what happened when she confronted her mom over her strange approach to birthdays
Image credits: AmItheAsshole
Things came to a head during the redditor’s birthday when her sister apologized for not getting her a better gift. All because she spent $300 on a gift for their mom. Bizarre? Incredibly.
The redditor eventually got kicked out of the house for having called out her mom for her weird materialistic approach to family life. What’s more, a large chunk of the woman’s family rallied against her.
Meanwhile, her mom’s over on social media posting ‘subtle’ messages about letting go of toxic people. That’s a lot of family issues that the redditor might have to unpack later in therapy. And to say that the situation is overwhelming doesn’t do it justice.
The redditor was so confused, she even turned to the AITA community for a verdict. She was unsure of who was in the wrong. However, her fellow redditors put her worries to rest: it was her mother who is self-centered, not the daughter.
Parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, the founder of Walking Outside in Slippers, previously shared with Bored Panda her healthy and mature approach to raising her own two kids. She stressed the fact that parents need to see their children as individuals.
What might work for one kid might not work for the other. Similarly, advice that might be spot-on for one family might not be the best approach for another family. In short, parents must be aware of their children’s actual needs and not just rely on whatever they might pick up on the internet.
“I am trying to do more to meet my kids where they’re at, figuring in their personality and what their needs are for them personally. In the past, I would sometimes assume that I knew what was best for my kids, based on what the ‘average’ kid ‘should’ need or want. But kids can be so different, even within the same family,” Samantha told us.
“My 6-year-old daughter, for example, is very organized and a bit of a perfectionist. She also needs lots of attention and affection. While my 10-year-old son is a sometimes wild but also very sensitive and artistic soul. He needs his space. They are night and day,” she pointed out just how different kids can be in a single household.
“I have learned I need to adapt my expectations of them and goals for them based on their individual personalities and quirks. I can create space for them to be who they are, and I believe this acceptance and customized attention will benefit them in the long run as they develop into teens and then adults.”
Here’s how people reacted to the bizarre family situation
This is the most narcissistic and entitled tradition I have ever heard of! Can't imagine pressuring a child to spend $300 on a gift for any occasion, let alone someone else's birthday, at the age we are at now, we ask the kids not to get us gifts, we have enough stuff and would much rather see them spend it on their kids or on a nice date night or meal out for themselves. They don't listen, they usually go together and get us something that doesn't contribute to our "stuff", this past christmas some of our gardens were damaged in a wind storm, so they went together and got us two replacement birds feeders, the feed and a new fairy house to replace some of what was damaged/destroyed in the storm. Nothing outrageously expensive, but very meaningful, since many of the items damaged we've had for years and can no longer be replaced and we love them for it!
The 300 is amazingly high. My parents (both of them together) wanted a coffee machine (400€) for Christmas a year ago. They spilt that request between my brother, sister in law and myself and still felt bad, and we're all in our thirties.
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Like one user said: this is what mother's day is for. Poor OP, I'm glad she is pursuing therapy to deal with this
@David Friedman Compared to how many celebration days kids get a year ( which is only their birthday), a mom had two days to celebrate herself for, that being her birthday (obvs) and MOTHER'S DAY?!!!!!!
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Your children don’t own you s**t for being brought into this world. The amount of parents think they’re special for providing basic necessities to their children is astounding. It’s literally the law to care for your child.
Your mother is right about one thing: Blood doesn't make family. That's a right that has to be earned, and she's failed. Any mother who demands that her kids buy her expensive presents, on THEIR birthdays, simply because she gave birth to them, has either lost sight of what it means to be a parent, or never knew in the first place.
As a token present each year, then yes this can be kind of cute, but when it takes over? Weird and toxic. She in effect gets several birthdays a year? On the mother's birthday does she get all her children presents? Because, to be fair, she would not be a Mother without them....
Remind your mother that as the oldest child you will be deciding what kind of care facility she will spend her elder years in and you hold a grudge
If she was my mom I'd put her in a nursing home and never visit her.
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Flying monkeys. I'm sure they were told a version of the story that didn't put Op in the best light
Load More Replies... Imagine the sheer amount of time every year OP's mom spends as a mother of 4 hinking about what she wants and directing others on how to celebrate her. Here I am, a mom of 3. My birthday is tomorrow, I can't think of anything I want or need other than a cheesecake (seriously, Christmas feels like yesterday.) I asked my parents to pay for my dog to go to the vet today since her arthritis is getting worse since they wouldn't accept 'no gift' as acceptable. I can't imagine coming up with a gift list for myself for my childrens' birthdays as well.
Happy early birthday. Hope your dog gets better soon. 🙂
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Self centered cow doesn't deserve anything. She's the one who decided to shag four kids out of hubby. That's not your problem. She deserved every word. Cut off the entitled cow and live your life instead of spend it thanking her.
The absolute truth...adults need to be adults!!! She would have gotten no phone calls from me!!! Somebody needed to finally rebuke the witch and sharply and should have told her there will be no more gifts on no day!!! That is how one kills that spirit of witchcraft!!! The other siblings in fear...they all would have been free after that day!!!
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Is...is this a joke? Honestly, has procreation become such a commonplace event, that some people have forgotten what a gift it is? Sixteen years of infertility treatments, procedures, injections, biopsies, and three heartbreaking miscarriages...and against all odds and every medical prognosis, I had a son. That IS the gift. I don't need, want, or expect anything else. Getting to share in his life is the gift. This mother is beyond selfish, bordering on delusional.
Amen!!! The Holy God rewards diligence!!! Amen!!! Praises be to "Him" for remembering you and hearing yours cries!!! Amen!!! A son is given to be a light unto the woman!!! Amen!!! May he be truly that unto you all the days of your walk this side heaven!!! Amen!!! Good things comes to those who patiently wait on them!!! Amen!!! Blessings be upon him and may he bring you joy, joy, joy and be strong in the Lord Jesus Christ!! Amen!!! Amen!!! Amen!!!
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Get a toddler(like 3 or so) a dollar store gift on siblings birthday to just avoid the tantrum that day makes sense. Getting mom a 300 gift on my sisters birthday? no way. can't say NTA enough
No....that sets a dangerous precedent. The child never learns that life isn't always about them getting what they want or how to enjoy someone else's pleasure. I work in child care...I can always tell which kids get a gift on their sibling's birthday because they're little jerks whenever someone else gets something.
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I can't believe there are people like this in this world. This takes entitlement to a whole new level
F**k that whole family. OP should put her whole family on blast on Facebook and the like.
Except of siblings, who are victims too and at least some of them clearly feel uncomfortable in this situation.
Load More Replies... It may be hard for Op to see that this tradition is not normal, since she's been dealing with it her whole life, but I at least hope she can see what a martyr her mother is painting herself out to be by the facebook posts. The mother is simply reveling in her family's pity.
OP (and her siblings) should start demanding fancy gifts from her parents on Mother's Day and Father's Day. After all, she's the one who made them parents! But I suspect the mom cam from a culture or religion that only honors women for reproducing and really does need the validation, weird though it may be.
My daughter was born in May and her birthday often falls on Mother’s Day. I seriously don’t care that most of the time and effort goes into celebrating her. She’s my child. I want the best for her. Mom’s get their rewards in many ways, often not through physical gifts. That mom has gone too far, and I’m glad her daughter had the courage to stand up to her.
This woman ticks off every box in the narc profile with one toxic "tradition." What profound malignancy! I am trying to wrap my head around her father's complicity...and the aunt's. OP should be trying to rescue her vulnerable siblings when she decompresses.
We lost our son 2 days before Christmas, but for his 21st birthday in June, we bought him 21 gifts...some were kinda funny, some things he needed, some were what he wanted, but all done out of love to show him how special he was to us. I'm so glad we did that for him. I never had a child to have as arm candy or to expect gifts in return for giving birth...I agree with many that that shouldn't be a tradition...never even heard of it, so it must be some sort of narcissistic thing. And very selfish. Break free of your family, see if your siblings think it's a stupid tradition too...maybe they will join you.
Oh Annette.. I'm so sorry. It's wonderful you were able to do that and have that memory of his special 21st. Sending cyber Hugs..
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This is messed up. She can wait for her own birthday to expect her kids to spend 300 bucks on her
My sister and I did that once for our mom as a joke. We got a cheap cake on my sister's birthday (mine is Xmas eve) and wrote something like "happy child extraction day" on it (we were both c-section kids). She called us weird and said she never would've poked our soft spots if she knew we would turn out like that (yes she was joking). The cake was good.
The aunt called OP a narcissist when it's the OP's mother who's the narcisisst.
The only selfish one is the "mother" children do not ask to be born & should never be used to satisfy a narcissistic need for attention, my child is 13 & always comes first, that women basically took away the birthdays of her children & gave them to herself, mothers day is for the mother, a birthday is for the one born on that day, that women doesn't deserve to have children if all she see them as is a way for her to get attention & expensive gifts.
I think I would ask the mother, directly. how much I owe her. What is the total? And I would set up a payment plan. If she wants to treat her children like used cars, why stand in the way.
Yes, since it's apparently all about the money. And weird.
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I don't even ask for gifts for my own birthday, good god. Some people seriously need to get a grip. I can't believe the mom (and aunt!) has the complete lack of self awareness and calls daughter self-centered. What is more self centered than wanting presents on someone else's birthday?
I'm assuming the OP's mother and aunt are sisters, raised in a toxic environment by the horrid grandmother. Apples and trees...
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The demands of and the cost of having been given the gift of birth to OP is ridiculous! That said, my hubby of 29 years, brought flowers to his Mom on his own birthday, since well before I knew him. She never asked, expected or demanded a thing from him, and I thought it was sweet. This year, my son did the same for me, and I have to say, it was a beautiful surprise. I married well...
Your mom sounds like a spoiled child, wants all the attention. I have never heard of such a thing. Time for mom to grow up. Good for you telling her what you thought. Keep your head high, you are in no way at fault or wrong.
And get a therapist fast, before you get drawn back into the toxic mess and feel you can't speak up again.
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So let me get this right, this Mom makes her 3 kids birthdays about her because she gave birth to them. But isn't mother's day for that? What a bizarre tradition that I've never heard of before. That is one selfish mom!
Sounds like my family. Although this year for my birthday they regifted something I had given to my dad. She also tries to control what people do with the gifts she gives them. I’m sorry that anyone has to deal with this kind of crazy. My mom was laid up for months and upon recovery saw that my dad put $800 on my card that month…all for stuff I was getting for her but she didn’t care. She said it was me or her so of course my dad said I had to go. Unfortunately there is no fixing it…I wish I could tell you differently. It’s a very difficult life to live but what can you do?
My mom and I use to exchange bouquets of tulips on my birthday, to honor the child and the mother.
I agree with most everyone else. This is seriously messed up. The fact that mom started crying makes me wonder if she knows just how messed up but can't own up to it. W/ever.. This has gone on way too long and somehow grown to massive proportions. I hope all the siblings get rescued outta there! Can't imagine a whole family that is so hung up on material 'goodies' that they're willing to drive away their kids for it. Narcissist to the extreme! No, the kids didn't ask to be born--birthdays are to celebrate the one born on that day making it through another year. That mom is nuts
When my mom was alive I always gave her a small gift on my birthday to thank her. It was usually something small and handmade. But that was my decision. It was never like she expected it and she definitely wouldn't drop hints about what she would like and would never ask for anything expensive if she did. I could have scribbled a happy face on a piece of paper and she would have been thrilled. This mom is something else tho. I feel bad for OP.
I'm son was killed when he was 22. We shared 22 birthdays together and it was joyful celebration of life, laughter togetherness. We would cook his favorite meal together and enjoy the time spent w family. I would give anything to do that again. Love is selfless, delicate, joyful. Time always remembered. Your family is self centered and extremely toxic. Life and time spent with family is invaluable. Stuff can be replaced! Move forward and change your values. You will be better off.
I think this tradition is stupid, i have a girlfriend but I'm going through a tuff time, my dad decided to cheat on my mom and thinks he will get away with it, he even lost his job, he is even trying to send my family to court! This women deserves more than that excuse of a mom, thinking that she can get all of the attention while the oldest is always the one to carry the burden of the family, im the oldest(13 yrs) and my dad is always trying to convince me to choose his side of our "family war", i hope her life is full of happiness and if i could i would definitely get her a gift for her birthday, but idk when her birthday is so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY🎂
NTA...honestly it sounds like the mom is taking advantage of the kids. I think most of the relatives probably haven't heard OP's side of it, plus the fact that birthdays are supposed to celebrate the actual person who was born. Glad OP is pursuing therapy to deal with having horrible parents.
All I can tell you is " RUN!" You aren't the narcissist. It's blatantly obvious that your mother is. And your family are her "flying monkeys." I too, have a mother that is a COVERT NARCISSIST. These people are very dangerous to your mental, emotional, and physical health. It is hard because your entire support system is under her witchcraft. But there are people out there who have been through it as well. You are not alone. I haven't been in contact with my mother or anybody else on her side of the family in several years. It's hard to let go. But trust me, you are doing yourself a great injustice to yourself, by sticking around and doing the puppet master's dance.
It seems that's been going on in their family for generations as other family members think the daughter is in the wrong. Didn't anyone outside this odd bunch ever notice & remark on how strange this is? Didn't the family members ever notice that other families DO NOT do this. Didn't the kids go their friend's parties & see THEM being celebrated, not their mother? The whole family sounds nuts!
This incredibly ässhat father of hers, (Not a Dad. A real Dad wouldn't have done this because a real Man wouldn't have), the rest of this snide sniping family from the shadows, and most of all her "mother" all need to be cut out from the family. OP not only needed therapy, but to devise a plan to save her siblings from this mess as soon as they all hit 18. No self-respecting woman would ever demand extravagant gifts that are worth more than all the gifts given to the child's birthday combined. This isn't an annual tithe to a matriarch that not only isn't required, it's also uncivilized.
"When narcissist's project" Seriously though if this is what she does speak to a therapist and you will probably see a pattern of narcissism you may have never recognized for what it was because apparently this was your normal. Way to call out the BS nonetheless though. Good luck.
It's one thing the mum being a narcissistic arsehole, but the fact the rest of her family seem to agree with her is really upsetting! I feel really bad for the OP; imagine what other s**t she's had to deal with!
I would like to know when it's the mothers birthday does she buy expensive gifts for her mother?
She needs time away from.her mom. For her mom to post on social media then have other family members talk badly about her daughter is very disturbing
Your Mom is not a real Mother. She expects her family to worship her and pile on the gifts at birthday parties for HER CHILDREN! This is the most narcissistic woman I’ve ever heard of! She obviously cannot stand having each of you celebrated on your day - not her day, YOUR day. She can’t even give you that one day. How pathetic and sad she is - and I really hope you take this opportunity to cut ties and find some other people who deserve you. She will slowly lose every single person in your family because of her immaturity and narcissism. I’m a Mom and Grandmother and I don’t even expect gifts on my own birthday! I hope your Mom reads this because I’m wagging a finger at her and saying “shame on you!” I’m just not saying which finger!
I have never heard of this tradition and to be honest this I feel sorry for the kids in family's that do this! The only gift mom should get there's kids birthday is to be proud of there children and what they might be in the future! I totally agree with the daughter. I would do my best to stay in contact with my siblings but I would disown my parents!
I have NEVER heard of anyone doing this, and I have seen some stupid celebrations. Your mom is a narcissistic psycho and she was warped the minds of her family with guilt. You are not in the wrong, your mom is totally crazy. You should comment on her toxic post and say "you're right mom, but don't worry I just lost 200 pounds of toxic by dropping you"
So you're supposed to thank your mom for forcing you into this deranged world? I would've posted a nice photo of a dog turd on every single on of her inspirational quotes in FB. I seriously hope you cut her our of your life, she's extremely toxic.
Wow, I never heard of any tradition like this. Don't feel bad at all. Your mom is wrong, I think this tradition has gone on long enough. You get the help you need to get you through all the turmoil and move on. I Pray your mom and your extended family wake.
This the most toxic family I have ever heard of. You need to break with your family, especially your selfish toxic mother. Go on with your life, meet a mate and abandon, your toxic kin. Raise your own family, and keep them as far away as you can, from this sociopath mother.
So Mom gets gifts on the birthdays of four children ... and her own birthday ... and likely Mother's Day ... just how entitled is one woman?
Don't forget the siblings have to give gifts on their siblings days as well. Do they give dad gifts 9months b4 the days to thank him for shagging their mom?
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No absolutely Not. It's pathetic for the op's mom to expect gifts. I have 5 children and their birthday is about them. I don't even think about my self on that day. Except at the time they were born I'll say oh this time xx years ago I was holding you for the first time ever. Hell my birthday is about my kids too. We always take them out and do something with them on that day. Normally the same thing each year and it's become a tradition now. But we do kids stuff not adult stuff. Op needs to run far
Your mom makes me sick as a parent I would never think that I was intitaled to receive anything just because I gave birth to my son. It's the day I as his mom celebrate the joy that he has broght me. And I did have issue with giving birth to my son.
Wtf?? I mean when I became an adult and my relationship with my dad shifted to a bit more of an adult relationship I would buy him a beer around my birthday and jokingly say it was for my birthday, but not seriously! NTA
I think your Mother is selfish and entitled. I never heard of something like this before. Honestly, if this started when you were little, I blame your father for starting this and then expecting you and your siblings to continue doing it after reaching a certain age. How ridiculous! Now she is ghosting you? She needs to grow up and act like a real mother! A real Mom would NEVER expect to be acknowledged on her children's birthdays. Hey Mom...ever heard of Mother's Day? How sickening!
That mother is an embarrassment. Does she think she’s the only one that’s popped four kids? I thought I had it bad with my mother on Mothers’ Day. It was always our birthday, but even though we cooked what she wanted for dinner, she told me what she wanted for dessert. Didn’t get a birthday cake for decades.
Psycho parent. I hope the OP and her siblings get as far away from that insanity as possible.
Wait is this a cultural thing. I cannot find where this started. Can suspect it's from a region with intensely high child mortality that any surviving male was considered a prize and big family producers would have been rewarded. But again that would be in the era before doctors/midwife's thought to wash there hands which around the 1870's. Anything creation of this after then seems to be as Ms shaw stated narcissistic and entitled
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. The mother is so entitled and for her to expect her children to get her gifts on their Bday says something about her character. She chose to have those kids and she should be looking at it as being a blessing that she even has them when there are some women who'd make great mothers but can't have them. She is supposed to be celebrating their years of life not taking advantage of it. OP don't feel bad because you have no reason to. It was wrong and I applaud you for standing up for your siblings. You can't pick your family but, nowhere does it say you have to include them in your life especially when it's not conducive to your well being.
She was way out of line to ask for gifts on her kids birthdays. Especially expensive ones at that. She chose to give birth to you. You didn't ask to be born to her. Your dad is wrong for kicking you out. Your rest of the family is too for siding with her. That's what they made mothers day for. My mom didn't do that on my birthday or my 7 siblings birthday too. May she ( mom), my dad and my sister Josie rest in peace. Your mom is wrong for that. She is the toxic one not you. You did the right thing. Don't feel bad
I wish I could post something directly to your mom. She is the A*****E here. I'm wondering what she thinks Mother's Day is for? She sounds like a Spoiled B***h that should really appreciate her children, Because it sounds like she was blessed with really great kids.
Totally inappropriate for the mom to try to co-opt the day and to receive “grander” gifts!
Reading this post made me see red. in the direction of the Mom. because wtf. I hope OP finds some peace. Lord knows she would never get it with her family. The fact that an aunt did a full 180 and started calling OP the narcissist says A LOT about the family dynamic [i.e. flying monkeys, the lot of them].
Wooaaah! This is seriously f**ked up. That Mum wants priority over kids on THEIR birthday is twisted beyond belief. Run for the hills, cut ties and understand nothing about this is normal or healthy.
How fkd up is the whole family if all of the adults think this is normal and side with the mother? To want a gift when it's not your birthday is something one would expect from a child, but for an adult to expect expensive gifts from their kids on each of their birthdays is beyond belief. This woman (she's no mother, that's for sure) didn't have children because she loves raising a family. She had children so she could reap the fruits of their labors, like an investment. She is treating her own children like indentured servants. They have to "repay" her large sums of money in gift form each year for the rest of their lives for the "privilege" of being born. The best thing OP can do in this situation is to leave and never look back. And, if she has any kids, tell them that their grandparents are dead, but make it a tradition to go out for ice cream every year on their (the grandparents) birthdays. That way, she's turning a bad tradition into a good one!
WTF? How is it normal to expect presents for the mother on the birthday of their child? And more to the point..why are the kids all expected to get her a gift? Your mom is right. Shed the toxicity out of your life and sever ties with your mother and her family. And that tradition...they probably read about it in "You're Making That Up" magazine. I can't believe this is supported by the entire family. Talk about entitled.
I'm a mother and can't even fathom celebrating myself with gifts.... The children being alive is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Mother's day is for celebrating moms... And, oh idk... Their own birthday 🤦🏻♀️ This person's mother is the narcissist, not her. I feel like there may be other issues other than this in their upbringing. And I think therapy could help to heal a lot and give a better understanding to her child hood. My MIL is a narcissist so I know how rough it can be.
The poor young lady its your birthday and you should be the one being spoiled, I have two adult children myself and we celebrate their birthday . The mother is a narcissistic selfish bullying self centered woman who apparently crystal like a child to get what she wants expecting everyone from the sound of it to dout on her for having children or even for gracing this earth with her very presence . My advice to the young lady separate yourself from this toxic belief circle that seems to be through out your entire family . You will be better off maybe one day the family will change but maybe not this is not a family its just a selfish parent and extended family ...
Your mom,reading just from this small post,has most of the traits that coincide with vulnerable narcissism. The rest of the family is ether oblivious and unaware or they all fu action similarly because they were all raised with those similar values-that they are all beyond special and therefore should be celebrated for being alive every occasion they can think of. I think it's very important to celebrate mother's as well as reflect on the struggle they had to bring the kids into the world and raise them,BUT WHAT DO GIFTS HAVE TO DO WITH THAT!? Nothing should be forced especially not material gift giving. I really feel sad for you OP. I gave birth to my first child at home so that was incredibly hard and challenging,and my second I had in the hospital because of sadly,many complications... but I would never expect my children to shower me with gifts on their birthday..we do make cards and drawings with messages of gratitude for being in each others lives
This woman sounds like someone who resents that there are four people in the world who might take the attention away from her, and your father is obviously part of her cult. The fact that she is now vague-trashing you on social media confirms that she is a malignant narcissist. I hope you are able to detach from this horrible family and start your life anew. And be there for your poor siblings when they are ready to run.
I'm baffled by the comments saying they understand if dad gave mom a gift for giving him the child(ren). She didn't have them without him did she?? Mom has a day to celebrate being a mom. Does anyone give dad gifts on the children's birthdays to celebrate him as part of bringing them into the world??? I'm a mom and am often irritated at women who behave as though they had conceived all on their own.
I get that OP Is the girl but what does OP stand for?? This is despicable
Perhaps OP and her siblings should turn the tables on their narcissistic mother. Every Mother's Day, Christmas, and on her birthday, they collectively buy her ONE gift. However, Mommy Dearest must present each of her children with a gift, and not something from the dollar store. Minimum cost: $200 per child. If she complains at all, leave, and take back her gift. Block her (AND the busybody relatives) for a minimum of six months. That might get the point across.
This is a really weird "tradition". Every person deserves the one day they were born to celebrate for themselves. Mother's Day is an extra day for Moms and showing thanks. I would never want to impose myself onto one of my children's fun special day. I am sorry to say that I do believe that this is a narcissistic issue and she really needs to get help for it, the family seems to be tearing apart because of her need for gifts on her kid's birthdays this is very sad. Honestly though when you guys have kids is she going to expect them to give her a gift on their birthdays too? How long does it continue to her sisters give her gifts for her kids birthdays? I hope this isn't a tradition many people follow it's not a tradition it's a shakedown. Hopefully your family will be able to work with you and you guys can get back together, but take the toxicity and dispose of it in a better way than anger or sadness. Hugs
Please take comfort and solace for quite possibly single handedly destroying what has to be the most ridiculous self absorbed family ritual ever inflicted that doesn't require a felony and surely will test the straight face of any normal therapist Trust me you sweet thing that was a great day in your life Friends are the family we choose Go make yours XO
NTA. Mom is a narcissist, but this is also how they create NPD in their own children... get into therapy now, as she will spin this exactly way she wants, while training you thru conditional love. Separate from her. Her emotions only likely go as far as how things are reflected on her and receiving attention, as she is not equipped to process them (certain emotions) on her own. This is exactly what my ex's mom did to him; at 40+, he is still unable to quantify emotions, runs to mommy (who spins and manipulates everything to suit her needs), and he is unable to take responsibility or feel empathy. She ruined his life by raising him to be a narcissist as well, and he will likely never willingly correct it, as it shields him from discomfort while only hurting others.
My mother does the same thing on our birthdays, but only as a suggestion, and she's ok with cards or flowers, but never this extreme. This mom is extremely self-centered.
The mom has some serious mental problems that needs professional help. Whether or not the help will be useful is an entirely different discussion in itself. That is not normal behavior of an adult at all. Yeah, she gave birth and there's nothing wrong with showing appreciating but she takes it to unhealthy levels. She's the narciccistic trash that needs to be removed.
I'm a mother myself and I want to b***h slap this woman so hard. How can you do this to your own children?
A mother that thinks it's ok to take the spotlight from her children at any age is appauling to me. It is our job to love our children and teach them right from wrong. Not to give us gifts and kiss our a**! You choose to be a mother no one made you!
Hard to believe somebody can be that narcissistic and put themselves above their children, I can't imagine my own parents acting that way, I guess I am lucky. Isn't that what Mother's Day is for?? What gifts does your mother give to her mother on her birthday? It sounds like your mother has some type of illness that your father has paid no attention to, I'm very sorry but you may be better off just writing them off. After all, when and if you have children of your own do you really want them to be around someone so greedy and narcissistic?
So what im hearing is that mom expects gifts on her own birthday, all of her kids birthdays, mothers day, most likely following this example also on Christmas, valentine's, anniversary, and any other day that SHE has Claimed for herself... sounds like all she really wants is a constant flow of expensive gifts and she's using the various special days to warrant getting them for herself without having to pony up the cash herself...
As I get older, I care less and less about my birthday. It really is a special day for the mom as it was the most unique experience of their lives (usually). I think there should be more recognition of that. But that's not to say it's through gifts or parties or implies there's any ownership of the child. Just all around appreciation.
They're ALL in the wrong for fostering that environment of expectation. They need to grow the f**k up. I'm 56, and quit celebrating my birthday when I started calling myself a grown-up. It ain't about gifts and s**t, who really gives a f**k that someone's a year older. We all get a year older every year, and I certainly don't expect anyone to jump up and bake a f*****g cake about it.
You seem like a rude person. You can't be mad at someone for literally celebrating life. You're the one that needs to grow up and stop thinking that everyone has to think like you. This person is in an abusive situation and you're judging them because they celebrate birthdays.
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my husband bought me a little jewellery box when i birthed our oldest and a pretty necklace after i birthed our youngest. not more than 50$ it was very sweet of him but he only did it after the birth of each child never on their birthdays they are 8 and 6 now. while i do tell my kids to not forget that i birth them and the pain that went with it and how stubborn they were about coming out its mostly just a joke. i have told them their birth stories but i dont expect to get anything other than a hug from them ever nor would i want something other than that hug.
Got to be honest, I don't understand birthdays. I couldn't care less that it's the day I was born. My mum on the other hand thinks it's a big deal. I think the whole family in this situation are a******s. Nobody should be spending money on either of them. It's just a day.
Do you all start singing a very merry unbirthday? What a piece of entitled crap this mother is. I loved my mum and when I got a bonus she would get some and in the glory days we would get profit sharing and she would get some. I took her out on her birthday and mother's day and her wedding anniversary and tried to show she was loved and appreciated but my birthday and my brother's birthdays belonged to us.
Mother is extremely selfish to expect gifts for herself on her childrens' birthdays. Mother's day is when we celebrate our mothers, not our own birthdays.
What a self centered mother. I won't even let my husband buy me stuff at that price let alone my kid on my other childs bday😕😕😕😕😕 I hope the daughter gets the counceling she needs and the other kids get away as soon as they can...... 😔😔😔😣
What is really bothering me is how the mother reacted...like a little kid ? Seriously she CRIED for this ? She ignore her daughter's calls and refuse to see her ( like a sulking kid ). And then she posts nasty post, hitting like a coward about what her daughter did to get compassion and for people in the family to choose her side ? ( Those who over-use inspirational quotes often sucks). It is hard to believe because the moms around me are so mature... I am very lucky to have a mom like mine : she is not childish at all, share everything, I think I only Saw her CRIED just once and it was because of soemthing Big and she hâtes receiving gifts especially from her kids because she wants us to enjoy our own money.
Does gma get the gifts from aunt and mom on their days? 300$ gifts from 16yos is not right in any sense... common or otherwise. Shame on those parents. Hope the "tradition" dies with them.
Just when you thought this world couldn't get any crazier. Let me get this straight, kids get birthday gifts. Mom gets Mother's day, her birthday and her children's birthdays. Add to that her anniversary day. Does she get a present on her husband's birthday? If her children have children, will she get gifts on their birthdays? How about baby showers? Will she get a gift for the fact they have been conceived? A nice racket old Gran has got there.
I think it's OK to give the mother a little something on a kids birthday. Never heard of it before but the idea is not THAT outlandish in my ears, I understand the logic behind the concept even if it's not something that I would do. But it should NEVER (even remotely) outrank the celebration of the child. That's basically like celebrating the mother and giving the child a consolation prize. That's bordering on psychological abuse. Besides, like one original response said: "That's what mothers day is for" so for the idea to even make sense they should all be skipping mothers day... Which is sincerely doubt they do in a family with this behavior.
Mother is a very self centered ego tripping woman. She possibly didn’t want to have children,but did … andd and made this awful arrangement with dad. Ugh, better off to be childless.
Sounds like hate and resentment. Like who requires a life long fee for birthing a human. Mom seems broken.
Hey lady who thinks she needs gifts on other people's birthdays, buy your own stuff. You are grown.
To insist on getting gifts on your child's birthday is ridiculous. A child's birthday is the one time of year when it should be all about them. By demanding that the mother receive more praise and gifts then the child is ultimately saying the child is not important enough for even 1 day ( or in my family the whole week ). Talk about another way of destroying a child's self esteem. And to ask for a $300 gift from a 16 year old, who I'm sure is now expected to pay for their own gas, car insurance, and anything else they do outside of the family setting, really? How much does she think a 16 year old makes? This means she's making the kid think about her 24/7/365. Let's add another level of stress to them, as if school/work/sports/clubs/friends/peer pressure wasn't enough, let's add a mother's toxicity to the mix and see if they develop into thrive well-balanced adults.
And my kids think im abad mom! This woman is def. A selfish piece of work! That IS wat her bday and mothers day is for...thank goodness ur not ending up like her.
I tried to comment there, but the thread has been locked. Anyways, this sorry excuse for a mother REEKS of narcissism to me. This insane tradition is something only a narcissist would think was okay. This post would fit right into the RaisedByNarcissists subreddit, which I frequent as a child of a similarly overly entitled parent.
As far as I’m concerned the mother is a greedy self serving b***h and the daughter would be better off with the mother out of her life. She can still have contact with her siblings. It’s a hard lesson to learn that some to your better off without some family members in your life.
My 2 children are only allowed to give me a gift of $25 or less both myself and my children are very well off financially I am proud of my children and wouldn't want to put any pressure on them the biggest gift they give is their love for me and their families this mother should be ashamed of herself she should be happy she has healthy children many women cannot conceive children
The OP needs to get a therapist and then have that therapist tell the mother that she is bat s**t crazy and that this is NOT what love or motherhood look like in any form of a healthy family. Ok should also post every single comment from all of us to her family's Facebook and social media showing how not 1 single person on earth agrees with their insanity!!!
This mother is absolutely disgusting and so is everyone in the family who agrees with her!!!! What in gods name is wrong with these people!!!??? Pressuring a 16 year old to get a $300 gift 4 ANYONE is selfish as hell let alone for ur mom on ur siblings birthdays!!! Who does this lady think she is!!!! THIS IS WHAT MOTHERS DAY IS FOR!! What a selfish B***H!!! She literally is talking about disowning her own daughter because her daughter thought it was selfish to want expensive gifts every time their child has a birthday!!! What a narcissistic piece of trash!!! This woman doesnt understand the meaning of motherhood and unconditional love 4 ur child!!! She sounds like the LAST person who shoukd be getting gifts!!! And what grown woman ASKS 4 their own gifts anyway!!! I don't go around ASKING people to get me gifts on MY own birthday let alone would I EVER even EXPECT gifts from friends or tell them what 2 get me cuz its none of my business wat they spend their $$ on or wat their finances r
Wow! Christ ony asked that we live by his word after his BD. I this entitled mother is SELFISH & GREEDY...how dare she. $300 from her 16 yr old and during a Pandemic. The BD girl should apologize out of respect, then search for the nearest therapist, and take your siblings with you. This could eventually you all into depression. Be BLESSED.
Very self centred woman your mother is. Mothers day is to celebrate her having her kids. Kids birthdays are for the child whos birthday it is noone elses. She needs to wake up to herself before she ends up with noone. In saying that all you kids need to stand up to her and educate her on the matter. I would gladlt walk away if my mother expected things like this. Its wrong.
Are you kidding me? NEVER have I gotten or expected to get a present on my children's birthdays! This is bizarre. I get gifts, if they want to get me something, on Mother's Day to honor me as their mother. It is appreciated but not expected. This is so weird I can't wrap my head around it!
I think the mother is a selfish pig that wants all the attention at each of her kids birthday. Mothers day is a special day for women have given birth to their children and not their mother. I would disown her and the rest of the family who thinks she is right.
Be thankful you were given birth to and bring your offerings to the womb, ungrateful slave! /s
It is very narcissistic n like that is what mother's day is for. I've had 6 children n yes mothers do get 2 days out of the year to get gifts. I find this totally ridiculous
My heart breaks for this woman. Your mother is sadly trying to find happiness in material things and looking for everyone in her life to praise her/ lift her up. It clearly shows she is suffering greatly inside whether she understands or not. I'm assuming this is generational and goes down the line for narcissistic abuse. You only owe your mother respect as being your mother but that does not intale you to worship her as a God! I pray she will seek counseling to work through what I'm assuming goes even deeper in abuse by her mother/ mother's family and rise above them. It's devastating to have to be the one to walk away however if she is not willing to see the errors of her ways you are not responsible to facilitate them any longer. Get healthy and understand you are not wrong. Love is not based on a dollar amount!
Your Mom has major issues Sorry you had to grow up in that toxic family . Flowers or a card is a generous token that should enough Your mom is crazy
Wow your Mom is the Queen of Narcissist Mothers. Is everything about her ? send her to therapy I know this is hard for you but I would tell everyone I am an orphan and hold your head high . You are right 100%
OMFG I hate this "mother and father" and anyone else who thinks this is ok. They are definitely the a**holes. I'm a mother of three and a grandmother of two. I always feel shitty when my children/grandsons buy me any presents. I LOVE the homemade ones. They have meaning and I have enough crap that I don't need and they don't need to spend their hard earned money on me,ever. I love my children and every day of my life I am grateful for them. Without them I haven't purpose. If you choose to have children and you are lucky enough to raise kind, compassionate and loving children that is your reward and it should be all you need. Forcing them to spend lavishly on you just for giving birth is sickening. She is a horrible person and if I was the daughter that got dissed I would cut off all communication with everyone but my siblings. This so called "family" is toxic as Hell. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say.
Wow, that mom is pretty ridiculous. Really self entitled. If she felt that it was so rough to have kids then she shouldn't of had them. Making your kids spend 300 on you on THEIR birthday is plain dumb. She has Mother's day for that. There is no Child's day. Since you called her out on it, she is talking trash about you with other family members! She is garbage. How can you treat your flesh and blood like that??? You are not in the wrong for real. I would feel like I had lost a piece of myself if my mom did that to me. But I would move on eventually. Those kind of people probably wont change. Pretty sad. I wish you the best and stay healthy!
Definitely NTA. The mom is the narcissistic, not the PO/daughter. The most selfish tradition ever known. It's a good thing you're outta there. I feel sorry now for your other siblings whobare left at home with the momster.
Dear narcissistic mom! That is what Mother’s Day is for! To celebrate you being a wonderful caring loving Unselfish mother! And to all the family members who jumped on the Daughter for standing up for what was wrong. Shame on you! All kids need to go on strike no more gifts for mother on their birthday! My son was born on my birthday. And every year that birthday was about him not me. Not only shame on the mother and relatives but shame on the father!!!
First of all in this case the mother is the big narcissist, second I would answer those jabs with "If I am horrible daughter it's your fault, you are the one who brought me up to be like this, so one of your statements can't be true, I am either a horrible daughter or you are a great mom, both of those can't be true", just tell them good riddance, if your family is this petty I am 10000000% sure you are better off without them, I know it hurts but you can't beat yourself up because no one in your mothers life dared to say no to her.
I’m sorry, but your mom is very self centered. It was her choice to give birth to her kids. I’m a mom of 3 and I can’t even imagine making them give me a gift on their birthday!! What kind of selfish person would ever expect that? You’re father is an ass for letting this go on. He should grow a set of balls and tell her to grow up, stop being a prima Dona and let you kids enjoy the day you were born into that effed up family without making you spend hundreds of $$ on her for giving you life!
Please understand that your mother and those who enable her are just plain wrong. There is another issue here besides narcissism. It is bullying. I have learned that a bullying parent is usually enabled first by the spouse. The children are then taught to acquiesce, and believe that all families are like this. You were so conditioned to think like this, that it is truly eye-opening to you now to see that other people's families don't operate the same way. You are neither a bad daughter nor a selfish person. You have told the truth about the situation. Your Mom's reaction is typical: self-pity, rejection, and rallying others against you. Perhaps deep down inside she is afraid. Bullies are often motivated by fear of something. Your Mom, even if difficult to deal with, is a person with fears, confusion and flaws, even if she does not see them. And even if it turns out that your Mom is not sorry, please forgive her, for your sake. Peace.
Shakes my head at this mother and father duo. How dare you take advantage of the unconditional love your children have for you and expect payment for giving them life. You are showing not tradition but self righteous glory for you and not celebrating your child's life that deserve your love as priceless not monetary gain. Amazing what someone will do to outshine the other. Remove the toxic I agree on. Mute the naysayers and move on it is their loss and karma will rear up in time. Wish you well and just be happy with the immediate family you are caring for.
I just explained this idea to both of my children and asked what they were going to do for the 26 and 24 years they've missed. From the looks I've gotten in return, I don't think this will be happening in my family.
Your mom is ridiculous if she doesn't want to talk to you that's on her. You tried to reach out. Live your life
The WORST thing about this is that the mother wrote about her daughter in a disparaging and cruel way. Who even THINKS about doing that to their child, no matter how old???? What kind of damage must that have done, and the affirmation of those remarks from family??? I would be absolutely devastated…I cannot imagine that this mother is capable of loving anyone. This is so heartbreaking. 😢🙏
Do you give your dad presents for knocking up your mom??? Wtf people. She gas a birthday and mother's day.
Uh mom YOUR GIFT IS YOUR CHILDREN!! That they are here to have another birthday and are healthy!! Selfish, ungrateful excuse of a mother. How embarrassing for her.
Pfft, some people don't deserve to become parents. The mom, whose the real narcissist, doesn't deserve jack sh***
You have to realize that the craziness/narcissism/addiction/Whatever toxic or BS behavior your mom/dad/family shares is because they share that same gene pool. I grew up with a step family and they were all toxic drama queens who acted like 8 year olds. Except for me, and they'd trot that out as a "flaw" because the other choice is having " many of them" realize they need therapy or they're destructive people. Ain't gonna happen. I'ts easier to push away and gang up on the "one" who is pointing reality at them. They have to make it You, or else OMG could it really be they're all a pack of enabling jerks. Walk away. My sister used to goad me with "it can't be *everyone* but you" Yes, it can. Never feel guilty or puzzled when people support each other in their comfortable insanity. They don't want to leave it...but you always can.
What a selfish and entitled woman. The fact that most of the family is rallying behind her just boggles my mind. I feel for all of her kids. I really hope every single one of them cuts her out of their lives. Toxic indeed!
I side with the daughter on this...i wish you the very best life has to offer you...while it seems most of your family is against you...I firmly believe that the majority of humanity stands with you. Your message to your mom was heard. Stay strong, put a smile on your face, and move on. 😌
The whole situation is just weird. She shouldn't expect her kids to give her gifts on THEIR birthday outside of it just being weird having to buy gifts for your mom as an adult IMO
She is celebrating her kids days,hers,mother day ,and every single day is her day for that matter!Soon enough all of us will have to sing haleluiah to thank God that she was born! This mother is having serious issues and its a good thing that she and her mom are no longer in contact! HALELUIAH !
I would call child protective services, AND Adult protective services, because this is mental and financial abuse, coming from the "ALL THE ELDERS" of this family! I mean really??? relying a bunch of kids for their own weirdness??? Weather you(wich of course you can't) or your mom can remember or or not, giving birth was her and your dad's choice alone, not yours. Giving birth however, is and will always be an experience for BOTH mothers AND their new baby. Does all of the elders involved(especially your mom) give $300 gifts out on their birthdays??
Your Mom needs to grow up. Money is tight for most everyone and then you are expected to buy gifts for her on all 4 of birthdays plus her own birthday and Christmas!!! If your Mom is posting those type messages on Facebook to make you feel guilty and won't answer your calls. post some of your own in reply regarding material things should not be required to show love for your mother or anyone for that matter. She has gone overboard. Mothers day, her birthday and Christmas should be sufficient for gifts. Daily phone calls, texts, emails even posts on FB to her should be sufficient to let her know you are thinking of her and that you love her.
Yeah I don't know if I'm posting this twice because I can't see my own comment but here goes: Your mother is a disgusting person. Your father is a cuck. That might be hard to swallow, but uh, sorry not sorry. If I were you I'd cut your losses and move on if you want anything close to a normal life.
I think some context is needed here. I'm Chinese and in Chinese culture it is part of our tradition to thank our moms on our birthdays. My grandma taught me the tradition of making my mom a special breakfast with a boiled egg and some sweet soup and it is to thank my mom for giving birth to me and raising me all the years. I think in the right context it's rather sweet.
Quite strange...I expect a thank you, but don't take it personally if she forgets on her day! Odd family dynamics, all of them might benefit from therapy.
My mom said it best All my children owe me is their love and respect!
Your mom is insane, she doesn't understand the true meaning of love apparently, my mother has said how much hugs kisses and talking to her means to her and that should be with every mother, they wouldn't want a gift or any of that, what your mother did was extremely selfish! She has her own birthday, she doesn't need more!
In the months leading up to my kids birthday the only thing I can think about is celebrating her, and making it special for her. On the day I make sure to have a moment of peace to reflect on the pregnancy and the birth, all comming up to haveing this perfect little person in our lives. She was born on mothers day and does not owe me anything! I just hope I bring joy to her life as much as she brings it to mine
There's this episode of South Park where it starts off with Stan's birthday party, and Cartman has brought his mom along to sit with him and the rest of the kids - why? So she can assure that Cartman her darling sociopathic son gets just as many gifts from her that day as the birthday boy Stan gets from the entire group. Kyle of course rolls his eyes because to him this is completely unnecessary, meanwhile Cartman actually says, "Yay I got just what I wanted for Stan's Birthday!" As a South Park aficionado I absolutely love it when attitudes, traditions, contradictions, etc get ripped to shreds by the creators. That being said, if something happens in real life that is TOO similar to what goes on in the show, then somebody's got a problem.
Listen honey, I am so sorry your family is doing this to you. Sometimes it is too bad we can't pick our families. After reading this, it seems to me there is some longevity to this family tradition even outside your immediate family. You didn't state whether your aunt, other family members, celebrate birthdays in this manner but, based on their reaction, I got the feeling this is the going thing. I would guess your father's reaction was his way out of trying to stay off the 'wrong' side of your mom. It may take some time for this to blow over, but it will. And, in the future and before another birthday rolls around, I would let all know that you are opting out of this tradition. It probably will mean you don't get presents on your birthday, but at your age, you can buy yourself a birthday present. It may be when you start this ball rolling, others are going to follow. But don't count narcissistic mom to join in. I'm sure she doesn't admit when she's wrong.
Is this a culture deal? The way the entire family/extended family are taking it seems like some Asian familial guilt thing. The mother should be happy with being recognized/celebrated on her birthday and mother's day. But given the extreme narcissism and jealousy over any of her kids getting a day where she is not the center of attention, I'd call her out on being a shitty mother and unworthy of being honored. But that's me. I don't suffer such nonsense/people well.
I'm sorry...mommie dearest would have to disown me thus saving me millions over the rest of my life. Geez
Amazing! So on mother's Day, you as the children also get gifts, because if it wasn't for you guys, she wouldn't have been a mother!
Amazing! So on mother's Day,you as the children also get gifts,because if it wasn't for you guys,she wouldn't have been a mother!
$300?! Who in their right mind asks a 16 year old to buy a $300 anything?! The practice isn't super weird, so long as it's small things, but that's flat out narcissism.
Get a good therapist. Give your Mother-child to bill. You owe nothing to your parents but respect, love is optional. She uses her family as a weapon, and it is obviously too hard for her extended family to confront it. But, mental illness IS a disease. Would your grandparents ignore your mother if she had cancer? Her emotional state needs to be addressed. With advanced age, often people become more child like, what will that be for you? Oh my!! Young lady, take a deep breath. Dump your trash. Get a good therapist and emotionally support your siblings. All said with respect of you. From a Mom who respects my children's lives, I don't expect to be thanked for bringing them here.
birthdays are meant to celebrate YOUR birth, not your mom!!! honestly I was kind of surprised at the extravagant presents thing, but when her relatives started posting these snarky comments on facebook it literally made my blood boil I can't stand these people and I don't even know them! btw facebook is for old people (not to disrespect any of the people here, just meant to annoy those rude family members)
My grandmother had 16 children. 2 sets of twins. Can you imagine if she was as psychotic as this person who gave birth to these children? I am not going to call her a mother. That is reserved for women who actually love and care for their children.
I'm shocked. When the the mom posted about getting rid of toxicity in your life, I think YOU should take the advice and get rid of toxic people in your life. I'm venting bc I know that's easier said than done. Does she give you children gifts on Mother's Day? If it wasn't because of you kids, she wouldn't be a mother, right? I know that's ridiculous, but it makes as much sense as her argument that her children owe her gifts on their birthdays. I wonder if she ever gave her mother gifts on her birthday? I'm trying to figure out where this whack-a-doodle tradition came from or if it started with your mother? IDK. I feel for you. But seriously, hold your ground. You are an adult and should be treated as such, with respect. There's really not a lot you can do, unless she agrees to a family sit down and puts this to a vote. The younger kids may vote in her favor anyway. This is one of those agree to disagree, when she starts talking to you again. Stay strong. Don't be manipulated.
Nothing wrong with thanking your mother on your birthday. BUT the way she demand it and even pressuring her children for expensive gifts is wrong on so many level. I wonder how she got everybody even the extended family to support that kind of behaviour.
what a horrible horrible family. blood really doesnt mean anything if they behave like this. i wouldnt even bother with them anymore.
One huge issue I have with this besides the obvious is the Mom not answering her child's calls. I don't care how pissed I am I never ignore my kids! Wouldn't even entertain the thought for a nanosecond. Then to try to turn the family and her FB friends against her own child is downright twisted. This lady has serious problems. I feel terrible for the kids who are forced to devote their day to meeting her demands. All I ever want from my kids and husband are exactly what this "mother" despises; homemade gifts and cards. What a selfish nightmare of a woman. Imagine what other expectations she has of her kids. Keep your head up OP, you aren't the problem.
I absolutely cannot believe the mom is this self-centered. I don't expects gifts from my 2 remaining children at all. I do get them gifts for their birthdays and then ask people "don't I look good for giving birth x amount of years ago?" I would say good riddance to this woman. Let's see if she expects a gift from the daughter in the future.
God so she gets to have 5 birthdays and mother's day. Wow!!!! That is entitlement right there. And asking a 16 year old for a 300$ gift on a day the mother shouldn't get s**t. All I can possibly say is talk to your siblings and then your cousins and ask if they have to do it and ask your siblings if they are tired of giving there mom 5 birthdays a year OR u suggest that you each deserve a gift on each other's bdays from there parent for putting up with that fake ass b.s tradition
I'm flabbergasted at this totally absurd expectation that the "egg donor" has instilled / brainwashed her family and off-spring she apparently had only to gain extravagant gifts for her selfish act of being an "egg donor"! NTA, walk away from this toxic "so called family", and count your blessings that you have over come and are a survivor of mental child abuse. Obviously the "egg donor" is self absorbed and cares only about her happiness and who is going to give her the biggest and best gift on the BIRTHDAY of her off spring! She doesn't deserve the rank or title of a parent nor has the love or care that "real" MOM'S are known for. Don't worry about being exiled from "the house of Misery!". Because you deserve to put your mental health and happiness before theirs! Giving you life, doesn't mean that you owe them anything else, especially since she's been profiting off of every single one of her "off spring". They are the past, don't give them your future!
This whole family is narcissistic. Again posting on social media your lives problems no one cares but the people you talk to in real life. I think your both entitled if you even expect gifts on your birthday. People dont have to get you anything and you shouldnt expect it. Its better that way because when you do get something it means way more
There is a special day for this..... It is called MOTHERS DAY. Expecting presents for every single one of your kids birthday is just gross and completely selfish. I am wondering if this was a learned behaviour from the rest of the family? Like did the grandmother do this as well?
What kind of shitty mother requires gifts on her children's birthdays!!?? What a selfish c**t
First of all greed. It is your child's birthday not your your messed up in the head. Who cares your gave birth to them your not entitled to every thing smh!
What the f**k! Your mom is an a**hole and this tradition is a scam! I have 2 kids, I always celebrate myself too, but that means I drink a beer and say "cheers for me too", normal y I do this only with my husband and kids not in the celebration party. My son was born hours after my wedding (on the same day, long funny story for another day) and my husband and I move the anniversary a couple of weeks, because we are the adults we know it is not a big deal and the birthday party for my kid is a big deal... For him und, thus, for us. Any mother/father who take the protagonism from their kids, is doing an awful job as a parent and you deserve better
I say the mother should burn in hell for being so selfish b***h on her daughter’s birthday or son’s birthday. I would tell the children to run away and disowned your whole family. I have a mother she give birth to me and my brother and half brother she don’t ask us for presents on our birthday’s . This mother makes me sick . I really believed she deserves to burn in hell . I feel bad for the children. I would give them a birthday present myself if I knew when there birthday’s are. Happy birthday to the girl that stood up against her mother. I’m right now giving your mother the middle finger after I read this whole story . No mother should be asking for presents on there kid’s birthday.
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What a narcissistic, self-centered, grasping woman! She should be ashamed to call herself a mother! The ONLY way that my siblings and myself could gat away with spending $300 on a gift for our mom is if all 4 of us chipped in on it and that would be for a birthday, mother's day or Christmas gift. You were not wrong for losing it. I really hope your siblings are on your side and supporting you in this. I doubt she'll answer your calls. You'll eventually be forgiven once you've made some pricey overtures to her. Treat her like a spoiled child. Ignore her, then see what happens. I wonder, has she come clean on her Facebook account on how she celebrates her demands gifts on her kids birthdays? Or is she just subtly saying she has an ungrateful child for whatever reason? It's good you're planning a therapist trip, but she needs one way more than you do. Live your life happily. Continue relationships with your sibs IF they're supporting you while ignoring her. She'll hear of it.
I've never heard of moms getting gifts on their kids' birthdays! Whoever thought of this is ridiculously selfish. The birthday is for the KID. It's his/her special day. Mom has her OWN birthday. To thank her for giving birth, there's this holiday called MOTHER'S DAY. What a rotten woman!
Thought my mom was nuts for demanding gifts but holy f**k, on your own birthday? The girl should be proud that she had the courage to stand up & leave the toxic waste behind. Maybe the other siblings will wise up one day and follow her.
Your mom is narcissistic, materialistic, entitled & toxic af. Hope you aren't surprised your dad kicked you out. Obviously they're like-minded, considering he married her & had you & your siblings with her. What a couple of spoiled brats your parents are. Honestly your family in general sounds like a mess. What kind of uncaring freak expects a 16 year old to spend $300 on them? It's one thing if they're contributing to rent or medical stuffs out of necessity, but for the sake of a greedy parent? That's the fakest tradition I've ever heard of. It sounds more like you & your siblings were/are groomed to fuel your mother's greed, which is unacceptable. Be grateful you don't have to struggle to break away from such toxicity. It may be hard to adjust to only being able to rely on yourself, but once you get things going, it isn't hard. You just gotta stay on top of things & keep your head held high! They'll see you shine eventually & I hope you feel as satisfied as can be when you do!
Isn't that what mother's day is for? For giving her gifts for birthing us? And when you have 4 kids and every kid has to give you a present on their birthday as well as mother's day that doesn't make sense
How is this a website? All they do is go through Reddit and repost the content here. Does Reddit own this site?
They do more than that. Just because that's what you see doesn't mention there isnt other content.
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Your mother is the most toxic person that has ever existed. She's almost worst than Vlad Putin. I'm a therapist and this is such a case of narcissistic entitlement to an extreme degree and enmeshing between your mother and father. End the relationship and block her off everything. You are not losing anything, only gaining you and your self-respect. And more
So sorry you had to deal with this. People these days are so materialistic and it is most sad. I feel your mom should be most proud to have a wonderful child like yourself. You are growing up to be a blessing to this world, and you need to feel that you are a good person. Family is family and they can be your worse enemies at times. Your day is your day the day God meant for you to be. Just keep n track for yourself and don't let them steer you off path. Sounds like a sense of incitement along with jealousy. You will be fine if you need to talk to someone do so, just don't blame yourself. Stay faithful and stay true to you. Blessings to you.
Mark Hinman, I thought the title was confusing, too.
Load More Replies... My kids just stared wishing me a " Happy Birthing Day" on their Birthdays I thought it was wierd but cute (no gifts). This goes way over the top. OP needs out
I wonder however, if this really is celebrated through the generations? The OP doesn't mention if her mother gets her grandma a gift on her birthday? Because there's a good question to ask if it doesn't. Also, do they celebrate Mother's Day? Perhaps they don't? I would want to dig a little deeper, to understand how this all began and only then can you begin to understand their motives. Perhaps it all started with a traumatic birth and just carried on from there? But expecting such an expensive necklace is definitely too much and it sounds as though the OP doesn't have a great relationship with her mother if none of them can talk openly to her about this. I would be suggesting they all put to, for the necklace instead of individual gifts. If her reaction is typical of what happens when people question her behaviour, then it sounds like the OP and her siblings are all walking on eggshells in fear of upsetting her. Shame there is not a sympathetic aunt who can help by acting as mediator.
Family is dumb. Mom knows her kids are dumb and op is a dumb cry baby. America has too many Democrats like this.
Ill call bs...first if this is the US you cant legally just kick her out..if she is getting mail and in some states that doesnt even matter its a civil problem and have to evict...i think people write these to get attention and you did exactly that...its called a unreliable narrator, they are either deliberately deceptive or unintentionally misguided....
It's overbearing, for sure. And really ridiculous to insist on being given a gift for any day. That's not how gifts work. But maybe everyone in this story is a bit entitled. I moved to a country where alot of people don't even know when their Birthday is. The government just listed the first day of the month they were reported to be born in. I celebrated a dear friend's birthday this week & it was the first time it's ever happened. She turned 28. We actually had 2 celebrations cuz they aren't quite sure which day it was and her government ID says it's in June! This is February. Birthdays aren't obligatory for anyone. I wish her mom wanted to celebrate OP more. But lots of people don't get any celebration. And also i think I'll start sending my mom gifts on my Birthday. I wish i had thought of this sooner!
Why is OP finding it ard to walk away from her mum? Why is she calling her? Just delete her number from your phone, u follow her and all relatives who thinks a selfish mum is okay and move on with your life... It means you will have to spend less on her gifts and you can invest in yourself. Years later when she comes to her senses maybe you can reunite but after you've set your boundaries.
Again, when are people going to learn they can't control the actions or opinions of others. Is it right that their mother receives gifts on the kids birthday? My opinion is no, but then again I'm not the one giving or receiving the gift, and neither is this lady, birthday aside.
Why is Bored Panda becoming nothing but a regurgitator of BS Reddit posts? This is a really lazy-ass way to run a website.
Just because it's the only thing you see doesnt mean other content doesnt exist.
Load More Replies... Vanity is an evil disease!!! A modern day witch and the husband's mind has been witchcrafted...and so are the relatives!!! The daughter should not seek a therapist but the Lord Jesus Christ and believe the wickedness of the mother and to carry on with her life!!! Because before it is all over she is going to need her!!!
The dad annoys me even more, the enabler. Kicks his own daughter out, because mommy cries. Eeww.
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I'm a mom. I've always felt that the day I gave birth to my daughter is MY day. What did she do?? I labored & gave birth. So this is the 1st time I've heard someone shares my view. However, the expecting pricey gifts??? Im happy with a heartfelt card & scratch-off! It's still her birthday. We can share the day. This woman has 3 kids and cannot afford pricey gifts to appease their mom. Mom is 100% wrong. Stop the s**t mom!
I disagree. It IS a special day for a woman on the day she gives birth, absolutely! But to expect a card, gift, or any other kind of acknowledgement from your child every single year on THEIR birthday, for something YOU chose to do smacks of narcissism.
Load More Replies... Shes literally in an abusive situation. its not being childish. Its pointing out generational trauma.
Load More Replies... This is the most narcissistic and entitled tradition I have ever heard of! Can't imagine pressuring a child to spend $300 on a gift for any occasion, let alone someone else's birthday, at the age we are at now, we ask the kids not to get us gifts, we have enough stuff and would much rather see them spend it on their kids or on a nice date night or meal out for themselves. They don't listen, they usually go together and get us something that doesn't contribute to our "stuff", this past christmas some of our gardens were damaged in a wind storm, so they went together and got us two replacement birds feeders, the feed and a new fairy house to replace some of what was damaged/destroyed in the storm. Nothing outrageously expensive, but very meaningful, since many of the items damaged we've had for years and can no longer be replaced and we love them for it!
The 300 is amazingly high. My parents (both of them together) wanted a coffee machine (400€) for Christmas a year ago. They spilt that request between my brother, sister in law and myself and still felt bad, and we're all in our thirties.
Load More Replies... Like one user said: this is what mother's day is for. Poor OP, I'm glad she is pursuing therapy to deal with this
@David Friedman Compared to how many celebration days kids get a year ( which is only their birthday), a mom had two days to celebrate herself for, that being her birthday (obvs) and MOTHER'S DAY?!!!!!!
Load More Replies... Your children don’t own you s**t for being brought into this world. The amount of parents think they’re special for providing basic necessities to their children is astounding. It’s literally the law to care for your child.
Your mother is right about one thing: Blood doesn't make family. That's a right that has to be earned, and she's failed. Any mother who demands that her kids buy her expensive presents, on THEIR birthdays, simply because she gave birth to them, has either lost sight of what it means to be a parent, or never knew in the first place.
As a token present each year, then yes this can be kind of cute, but when it takes over? Weird and toxic. She in effect gets several birthdays a year? On the mother's birthday does she get all her children presents? Because, to be fair, she would not be a Mother without them....
Remind your mother that as the oldest child you will be deciding what kind of care facility she will spend her elder years in and you hold a grudge
If she was my mom I'd put her in a nursing home and never visit her.
Load More Replies... Flying monkeys. I'm sure they were told a version of the story that didn't put Op in the best light
Load More Replies... Imagine the sheer amount of time every year OP's mom spends as a mother of 4 hinking about what she wants and directing others on how to celebrate her. Here I am, a mom of 3. My birthday is tomorrow, I can't think of anything I want or need other than a cheesecake (seriously, Christmas feels like yesterday.) I asked my parents to pay for my dog to go to the vet today since her arthritis is getting worse since they wouldn't accept 'no gift' as acceptable. I can't imagine coming up with a gift list for myself for my childrens' birthdays as well.
Happy early birthday. Hope your dog gets better soon. 🙂
Load More Replies... Self centered cow doesn't deserve anything. She's the one who decided to shag four kids out of hubby. That's not your problem. She deserved every word. Cut off the entitled cow and live your life instead of spend it thanking her.
The absolute truth...adults need to be adults!!! She would have gotten no phone calls from me!!! Somebody needed to finally rebuke the witch and sharply and should have told her there will be no more gifts on no day!!! That is how one kills that spirit of witchcraft!!! The other siblings in fear...they all would have been free after that day!!!
Load More Replies... Is...is this a joke? Honestly, has procreation become such a commonplace event, that some people have forgotten what a gift it is? Sixteen years of infertility treatments, procedures, injections, biopsies, and three heartbreaking miscarriages...and against all odds and every medical prognosis, I had a son. That IS the gift. I don't need, want, or expect anything else. Getting to share in his life is the gift. This mother is beyond selfish, bordering on delusional.
Amen!!! The Holy God rewards diligence!!! Amen!!! Praises be to "Him" for remembering you and hearing yours cries!!! Amen!!! A son is given to be a light unto the woman!!! Amen!!! May he be truly that unto you all the days of your walk this side heaven!!! Amen!!! Good things comes to those who patiently wait on them!!! Amen!!! Blessings be upon him and may he bring you joy, joy, joy and be strong in the Lord Jesus Christ!! Amen!!! Amen!!! Amen!!!
Load More Replies... Get a toddler(like 3 or so) a dollar store gift on siblings birthday to just avoid the tantrum that day makes sense. Getting mom a 300 gift on my sisters birthday? no way. can't say NTA enough
No....that sets a dangerous precedent. The child never learns that life isn't always about them getting what they want or how to enjoy someone else's pleasure. I work in child care...I can always tell which kids get a gift on their sibling's birthday because they're little jerks whenever someone else gets something.
Load More Replies... I can't believe there are people like this in this world. This takes entitlement to a whole new level
F**k that whole family. OP should put her whole family on blast on Facebook and the like.
Except of siblings, who are victims too and at least some of them clearly feel uncomfortable in this situation.
Load More Replies... It may be hard for Op to see that this tradition is not normal, since she's been dealing with it her whole life, but I at least hope she can see what a martyr her mother is painting herself out to be by the facebook posts. The mother is simply reveling in her family's pity.
OP (and her siblings) should start demanding fancy gifts from her parents on Mother's Day and Father's Day. After all, she's the one who made them parents! But I suspect the mom cam from a culture or religion that only honors women for reproducing and really does need the validation, weird though it may be.
My daughter was born in May and her birthday often falls on Mother’s Day. I seriously don’t care that most of the time and effort goes into celebrating her. She’s my child. I want the best for her. Mom’s get their rewards in many ways, often not through physical gifts. That mom has gone too far, and I’m glad her daughter had the courage to stand up to her.
This woman ticks off every box in the narc profile with one toxic "tradition." What profound malignancy! I am trying to wrap my head around her father's complicity...and the aunt's. OP should be trying to rescue her vulnerable siblings when she decompresses.
We lost our son 2 days before Christmas, but for his 21st birthday in June, we bought him 21 gifts...some were kinda funny, some things he needed, some were what he wanted, but all done out of love to show him how special he was to us. I'm so glad we did that for him. I never had a child to have as arm candy or to expect gifts in return for giving birth...I agree with many that that shouldn't be a tradition...never even heard of it, so it must be some sort of narcissistic thing. And very selfish. Break free of your family, see if your siblings think it's a stupid tradition too...maybe they will join you.
Oh Annette.. I'm so sorry. It's wonderful you were able to do that and have that memory of his special 21st. Sending cyber Hugs..
Load More Replies... This is messed up. She can wait for her own birthday to expect her kids to spend 300 bucks on her
My sister and I did that once for our mom as a joke. We got a cheap cake on my sister's birthday (mine is Xmas eve) and wrote something like "happy child extraction day" on it (we were both c-section kids). She called us weird and said she never would've poked our soft spots if she knew we would turn out like that (yes she was joking). The cake was good.
The aunt called OP a narcissist when it's the OP's mother who's the narcisisst.
The only selfish one is the "mother" children do not ask to be born & should never be used to satisfy a narcissistic need for attention, my child is 13 & always comes first, that women basically took away the birthdays of her children & gave them to herself, mothers day is for the mother, a birthday is for the one born on that day, that women doesn't deserve to have children if all she see them as is a way for her to get attention & expensive gifts.
I think I would ask the mother, directly. how much I owe her. What is the total? And I would set up a payment plan. If she wants to treat her children like used cars, why stand in the way.
Yes, since it's apparently all about the money. And weird.
Load More Replies... I don't even ask for gifts for my own birthday, good god. Some people seriously need to get a grip. I can't believe the mom (and aunt!) has the complete lack of self awareness and calls daughter self-centered. What is more self centered than wanting presents on someone else's birthday?
I'm assuming the OP's mother and aunt are sisters, raised in a toxic environment by the horrid grandmother. Apples and trees...
Load More Replies... The demands of and the cost of having been given the gift of birth to OP is ridiculous! That said, my hubby of 29 years, brought flowers to his Mom on his own birthday, since well before I knew him. She never asked, expected or demanded a thing from him, and I thought it was sweet. This year, my son did the same for me, and I have to say, it was a beautiful surprise. I married well...
Your mom sounds like a spoiled child, wants all the attention. I have never heard of such a thing. Time for mom to grow up. Good for you telling her what you thought. Keep your head high, you are in no way at fault or wrong.
And get a therapist fast, before you get drawn back into the toxic mess and feel you can't speak up again.
Load More Replies... So let me get this right, this Mom makes her 3 kids birthdays about her because she gave birth to them. But isn't mother's day for that? What a bizarre tradition that I've never heard of before. That is one selfish mom!
Sounds like my family. Although this year for my birthday they regifted something I had given to my dad. She also tries to control what people do with the gifts she gives them. I’m sorry that anyone has to deal with this kind of crazy. My mom was laid up for months and upon recovery saw that my dad put $800 on my card that month…all for stuff I was getting for her but she didn’t care. She said it was me or her so of course my dad said I had to go. Unfortunately there is no fixing it…I wish I could tell you differently. It’s a very difficult life to live but what can you do?
My mom and I use to exchange bouquets of tulips on my birthday, to honor the child and the mother.
I agree with most everyone else. This is seriously messed up. The fact that mom started crying makes me wonder if she knows just how messed up but can't own up to it. W/ever.. This has gone on way too long and somehow grown to massive proportions. I hope all the siblings get rescued outta there! Can't imagine a whole family that is so hung up on material 'goodies' that they're willing to drive away their kids for it. Narcissist to the extreme! No, the kids didn't ask to be born--birthdays are to celebrate the one born on that day making it through another year. That mom is nuts
When my mom was alive I always gave her a small gift on my birthday to thank her. It was usually something small and handmade. But that was my decision. It was never like she expected it and she definitely wouldn't drop hints about what she would like and would never ask for anything expensive if she did. I could have scribbled a happy face on a piece of paper and she would have been thrilled. This mom is something else tho. I feel bad for OP.
I'm son was killed when he was 22. We shared 22 birthdays together and it was joyful celebration of life, laughter togetherness. We would cook his favorite meal together and enjoy the time spent w family. I would give anything to do that again. Love is selfless, delicate, joyful. Time always remembered. Your family is self centered and extremely toxic. Life and time spent with family is invaluable. Stuff can be replaced! Move forward and change your values. You will be better off.
I think this tradition is stupid, i have a girlfriend but I'm going through a tuff time, my dad decided to cheat on my mom and thinks he will get away with it, he even lost his job, he is even trying to send my family to court! This women deserves more than that excuse of a mom, thinking that she can get all of the attention while the oldest is always the one to carry the burden of the family, im the oldest(13 yrs) and my dad is always trying to convince me to choose his side of our "family war", i hope her life is full of happiness and if i could i would definitely get her a gift for her birthday, but idk when her birthday is so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY🎂
NTA...honestly it sounds like the mom is taking advantage of the kids. I think most of the relatives probably haven't heard OP's side of it, plus the fact that birthdays are supposed to celebrate the actual person who was born. Glad OP is pursuing therapy to deal with having horrible parents.
All I can tell you is " RUN!" You aren't the narcissist. It's blatantly obvious that your mother is. And your family are her "flying monkeys." I too, have a mother that is a COVERT NARCISSIST. These people are very dangerous to your mental, emotional, and physical health. It is hard because your entire support system is under her witchcraft. But there are people out there who have been through it as well. You are not alone. I haven't been in contact with my mother or anybody else on her side of the family in several years. It's hard to let go. But trust me, you are doing yourself a great injustice to yourself, by sticking around and doing the puppet master's dance.
It seems that's been going on in their family for generations as other family members think the daughter is in the wrong. Didn't anyone outside this odd bunch ever notice & remark on how strange this is? Didn't the family members ever notice that other families DO NOT do this. Didn't the kids go their friend's parties & see THEM being celebrated, not their mother? The whole family sounds nuts!
This incredibly ässhat father of hers, (Not a Dad. A real Dad wouldn't have done this because a real Man wouldn't have), the rest of this snide sniping family from the shadows, and most of all her "mother" all need to be cut out from the family. OP not only needed therapy, but to devise a plan to save her siblings from this mess as soon as they all hit 18. No self-respecting woman would ever demand extravagant gifts that are worth more than all the gifts given to the child's birthday combined. This isn't an annual tithe to a matriarch that not only isn't required, it's also uncivilized.
"When narcissist's project" Seriously though if this is what she does speak to a therapist and you will probably see a pattern of narcissism you may have never recognized for what it was because apparently this was your normal. Way to call out the BS nonetheless though. Good luck.
It's one thing the mum being a narcissistic arsehole, but the fact the rest of her family seem to agree with her is really upsetting! I feel really bad for the OP; imagine what other s**t she's had to deal with!
I would like to know when it's the mothers birthday does she buy expensive gifts for her mother?
She needs time away from.her mom. For her mom to post on social media then have other family members talk badly about her daughter is very disturbing
Your Mom is not a real Mother. She expects her family to worship her and pile on the gifts at birthday parties for HER CHILDREN! This is the most narcissistic woman I’ve ever heard of! She obviously cannot stand having each of you celebrated on your day - not her day, YOUR day. She can’t even give you that one day. How pathetic and sad she is - and I really hope you take this opportunity to cut ties and find some other people who deserve you. She will slowly lose every single person in your family because of her immaturity and narcissism. I’m a Mom and Grandmother and I don’t even expect gifts on my own birthday! I hope your Mom reads this because I’m wagging a finger at her and saying “shame on you!” I’m just not saying which finger!
I have never heard of this tradition and to be honest this I feel sorry for the kids in family's that do this! The only gift mom should get there's kids birthday is to be proud of there children and what they might be in the future! I totally agree with the daughter. I would do my best to stay in contact with my siblings but I would disown my parents!
I have NEVER heard of anyone doing this, and I have seen some stupid celebrations. Your mom is a narcissistic psycho and she was warped the minds of her family with guilt. You are not in the wrong, your mom is totally crazy. You should comment on her toxic post and say "you're right mom, but don't worry I just lost 200 pounds of toxic by dropping you"
So you're supposed to thank your mom for forcing you into this deranged world? I would've posted a nice photo of a dog turd on every single on of her inspirational quotes in FB. I seriously hope you cut her our of your life, she's extremely toxic.
Wow, I never heard of any tradition like this. Don't feel bad at all. Your mom is wrong, I think this tradition has gone on long enough. You get the help you need to get you through all the turmoil and move on. I Pray your mom and your extended family wake.
This the most toxic family I have ever heard of. You need to break with your family, especially your selfish toxic mother. Go on with your life, meet a mate and abandon, your toxic kin. Raise your own family, and keep them as far away as you can, from this sociopath mother.
So Mom gets gifts on the birthdays of four children ... and her own birthday ... and likely Mother's Day ... just how entitled is one woman?
Don't forget the siblings have to give gifts on their siblings days as well. Do they give dad gifts 9months b4 the days to thank him for shagging their mom?
Load More Replies... No absolutely Not. It's pathetic for the op's mom to expect gifts. I have 5 children and their birthday is about them. I don't even think about my self on that day. Except at the time they were born I'll say oh this time xx years ago I was holding you for the first time ever. Hell my birthday is about my kids too. We always take them out and do something with them on that day. Normally the same thing each year and it's become a tradition now. But we do kids stuff not adult stuff. Op needs to run far
Your mom makes me sick as a parent I would never think that I was intitaled to receive anything just because I gave birth to my son. It's the day I as his mom celebrate the joy that he has broght me. And I did have issue with giving birth to my son.
Wtf?? I mean when I became an adult and my relationship with my dad shifted to a bit more of an adult relationship I would buy him a beer around my birthday and jokingly say it was for my birthday, but not seriously! NTA
I think your Mother is selfish and entitled. I never heard of something like this before. Honestly, if this started when you were little, I blame your father for starting this and then expecting you and your siblings to continue doing it after reaching a certain age. How ridiculous! Now she is ghosting you? She needs to grow up and act like a real mother! A real Mom would NEVER expect to be acknowledged on her children's birthdays. Hey Mom...ever heard of Mother's Day? How sickening!
That mother is an embarrassment. Does she think she’s the only one that’s popped four kids? I thought I had it bad with my mother on Mothers’ Day. It was always our birthday, but even though we cooked what she wanted for dinner, she told me what she wanted for dessert. Didn’t get a birthday cake for decades.
Psycho parent. I hope the OP and her siblings get as far away from that insanity as possible.
Wait is this a cultural thing. I cannot find where this started. Can suspect it's from a region with intensely high child mortality that any surviving male was considered a prize and big family producers would have been rewarded. But again that would be in the era before doctors/midwife's thought to wash there hands which around the 1870's. Anything creation of this after then seems to be as Ms shaw stated narcissistic and entitled
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. The mother is so entitled and for her to expect her children to get her gifts on their Bday says something about her character. She chose to have those kids and she should be looking at it as being a blessing that she even has them when there are some women who'd make great mothers but can't have them. She is supposed to be celebrating their years of life not taking advantage of it. OP don't feel bad because you have no reason to. It was wrong and I applaud you for standing up for your siblings. You can't pick your family but, nowhere does it say you have to include them in your life especially when it's not conducive to your well being.
She was way out of line to ask for gifts on her kids birthdays. Especially expensive ones at that. She chose to give birth to you. You didn't ask to be born to her. Your dad is wrong for kicking you out. Your rest of the family is too for siding with her. That's what they made mothers day for. My mom didn't do that on my birthday or my 7 siblings birthday too. May she ( mom), my dad and my sister Josie rest in peace. Your mom is wrong for that. She is the toxic one not you. You did the right thing. Don't feel bad
I wish I could post something directly to your mom. She is the A*****E here. I'm wondering what she thinks Mother's Day is for? She sounds like a Spoiled B***h that should really appreciate her children, Because it sounds like she was blessed with really great kids.
Totally inappropriate for the mom to try to co-opt the day and to receive “grander” gifts!
Reading this post made me see red. in the direction of the Mom. because wtf. I hope OP finds some peace. Lord knows she would never get it with her family. The fact that an aunt did a full 180 and started calling OP the narcissist says A LOT about the family dynamic [i.e. flying monkeys, the lot of them].
Wooaaah! This is seriously f**ked up. That Mum wants priority over kids on THEIR birthday is twisted beyond belief. Run for the hills, cut ties and understand nothing about this is normal or healthy.
How fkd up is the whole family if all of the adults think this is normal and side with the mother? To want a gift when it's not your birthday is something one would expect from a child, but for an adult to expect expensive gifts from their kids on each of their birthdays is beyond belief. This woman (she's no mother, that's for sure) didn't have children because she loves raising a family. She had children so she could reap the fruits of their labors, like an investment. She is treating her own children like indentured servants. They have to "repay" her large sums of money in gift form each year for the rest of their lives for the "privilege" of being born. The best thing OP can do in this situation is to leave and never look back. And, if she has any kids, tell them that their grandparents are dead, but make it a tradition to go out for ice cream every year on their (the grandparents) birthdays. That way, she's turning a bad tradition into a good one!
WTF? How is it normal to expect presents for the mother on the birthday of their child? And more to the point..why are the kids all expected to get her a gift? Your mom is right. Shed the toxicity out of your life and sever ties with your mother and her family. And that tradition...they probably read about it in "You're Making That Up" magazine. I can't believe this is supported by the entire family. Talk about entitled.
I'm a mother and can't even fathom celebrating myself with gifts.... The children being alive is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Mother's day is for celebrating moms... And, oh idk... Their own birthday 🤦🏻♀️ This person's mother is the narcissist, not her. I feel like there may be other issues other than this in their upbringing. And I think therapy could help to heal a lot and give a better understanding to her child hood. My MIL is a narcissist so I know how rough it can be.
The poor young lady its your birthday and you should be the one being spoiled, I have two adult children myself and we celebrate their birthday . The mother is a narcissistic selfish bullying self centered woman who apparently crystal like a child to get what she wants expecting everyone from the sound of it to dout on her for having children or even for gracing this earth with her very presence . My advice to the young lady separate yourself from this toxic belief circle that seems to be through out your entire family . You will be better off maybe one day the family will change but maybe not this is not a family its just a selfish parent and extended family ...
Your mom,reading just from this small post,has most of the traits that coincide with vulnerable narcissism. The rest of the family is ether oblivious and unaware or they all fu action similarly because they were all raised with those similar values-that they are all beyond special and therefore should be celebrated for being alive every occasion they can think of. I think it's very important to celebrate mother's as well as reflect on the struggle they had to bring the kids into the world and raise them,BUT WHAT DO GIFTS HAVE TO DO WITH THAT!? Nothing should be forced especially not material gift giving. I really feel sad for you OP. I gave birth to my first child at home so that was incredibly hard and challenging,and my second I had in the hospital because of sadly,many complications... but I would never expect my children to shower me with gifts on their birthday..we do make cards and drawings with messages of gratitude for being in each others lives
This woman sounds like someone who resents that there are four people in the world who might take the attention away from her, and your father is obviously part of her cult. The fact that she is now vague-trashing you on social media confirms that she is a malignant narcissist. I hope you are able to detach from this horrible family and start your life anew. And be there for your poor siblings when they are ready to run.
I'm baffled by the comments saying they understand if dad gave mom a gift for giving him the child(ren). She didn't have them without him did she?? Mom has a day to celebrate being a mom. Does anyone give dad gifts on the children's birthdays to celebrate him as part of bringing them into the world??? I'm a mom and am often irritated at women who behave as though they had conceived all on their own.
I get that OP Is the girl but what does OP stand for?? This is despicable
Perhaps OP and her siblings should turn the tables on their narcissistic mother. Every Mother's Day, Christmas, and on her birthday, they collectively buy her ONE gift. However, Mommy Dearest must present each of her children with a gift, and not something from the dollar store. Minimum cost: $200 per child. If she complains at all, leave, and take back her gift. Block her (AND the busybody relatives) for a minimum of six months. That might get the point across.
This is a really weird "tradition". Every person deserves the one day they were born to celebrate for themselves. Mother's Day is an extra day for Moms and showing thanks. I would never want to impose myself onto one of my children's fun special day. I am sorry to say that I do believe that this is a narcissistic issue and she really needs to get help for it, the family seems to be tearing apart because of her need for gifts on her kid's birthdays this is very sad. Honestly though when you guys have kids is she going to expect them to give her a gift on their birthdays too? How long does it continue to her sisters give her gifts for her kids birthdays? I hope this isn't a tradition many people follow it's not a tradition it's a shakedown. Hopefully your family will be able to work with you and you guys can get back together, but take the toxicity and dispose of it in a better way than anger or sadness. Hugs
Please take comfort and solace for quite possibly single handedly destroying what has to be the most ridiculous self absorbed family ritual ever inflicted that doesn't require a felony and surely will test the straight face of any normal therapist Trust me you sweet thing that was a great day in your life Friends are the family we choose Go make yours XO
NTA. Mom is a narcissist, but this is also how they create NPD in their own children... get into therapy now, as she will spin this exactly way she wants, while training you thru conditional love. Separate from her. Her emotions only likely go as far as how things are reflected on her and receiving attention, as she is not equipped to process them (certain emotions) on her own. This is exactly what my ex's mom did to him; at 40+, he is still unable to quantify emotions, runs to mommy (who spins and manipulates everything to suit her needs), and he is unable to take responsibility or feel empathy. She ruined his life by raising him to be a narcissist as well, and he will likely never willingly correct it, as it shields him from discomfort while only hurting others.
My mother does the same thing on our birthdays, but only as a suggestion, and she's ok with cards or flowers, but never this extreme. This mom is extremely self-centered.
The mom has some serious mental problems that needs professional help. Whether or not the help will be useful is an entirely different discussion in itself. That is not normal behavior of an adult at all. Yeah, she gave birth and there's nothing wrong with showing appreciating but she takes it to unhealthy levels. She's the narciccistic trash that needs to be removed.
I'm a mother myself and I want to b***h slap this woman so hard. How can you do this to your own children?
A mother that thinks it's ok to take the spotlight from her children at any age is appauling to me. It is our job to love our children and teach them right from wrong. Not to give us gifts and kiss our a**! You choose to be a mother no one made you!
Hard to believe somebody can be that narcissistic and put themselves above their children, I can't imagine my own parents acting that way, I guess I am lucky. Isn't that what Mother's Day is for?? What gifts does your mother give to her mother on her birthday? It sounds like your mother has some type of illness that your father has paid no attention to, I'm very sorry but you may be better off just writing them off. After all, when and if you have children of your own do you really want them to be around someone so greedy and narcissistic?
So what im hearing is that mom expects gifts on her own birthday, all of her kids birthdays, mothers day, most likely following this example also on Christmas, valentine's, anniversary, and any other day that SHE has Claimed for herself... sounds like all she really wants is a constant flow of expensive gifts and she's using the various special days to warrant getting them for herself without having to pony up the cash herself...
As I get older, I care less and less about my birthday. It really is a special day for the mom as it was the most unique experience of their lives (usually). I think there should be more recognition of that. But that's not to say it's through gifts or parties or implies there's any ownership of the child. Just all around appreciation.
They're ALL in the wrong for fostering that environment of expectation. They need to grow the f**k up. I'm 56, and quit celebrating my birthday when I started calling myself a grown-up. It ain't about gifts and s**t, who really gives a f**k that someone's a year older. We all get a year older every year, and I certainly don't expect anyone to jump up and bake a f*****g cake about it.
You seem like a rude person. You can't be mad at someone for literally celebrating life. You're the one that needs to grow up and stop thinking that everyone has to think like you. This person is in an abusive situation and you're judging them because they celebrate birthdays.
Load More Replies... my husband bought me a little jewellery box when i birthed our oldest and a pretty necklace after i birthed our youngest. not more than 50$ it was very sweet of him but he only did it after the birth of each child never on their birthdays they are 8 and 6 now. while i do tell my kids to not forget that i birth them and the pain that went with it and how stubborn they were about coming out its mostly just a joke. i have told them their birth stories but i dont expect to get anything other than a hug from them ever nor would i want something other than that hug.
Got to be honest, I don't understand birthdays. I couldn't care less that it's the day I was born. My mum on the other hand thinks it's a big deal. I think the whole family in this situation are a******s. Nobody should be spending money on either of them. It's just a day.
Do you all start singing a very merry unbirthday? What a piece of entitled crap this mother is. I loved my mum and when I got a bonus she would get some and in the glory days we would get profit sharing and she would get some. I took her out on her birthday and mother's day and her wedding anniversary and tried to show she was loved and appreciated but my birthday and my brother's birthdays belonged to us.
Mother is extremely selfish to expect gifts for herself on her childrens' birthdays. Mother's day is when we celebrate our mothers, not our own birthdays.
What a self centered mother. I won't even let my husband buy me stuff at that price let alone my kid on my other childs bday😕😕😕😕😕 I hope the daughter gets the counceling she needs and the other kids get away as soon as they can...... 😔😔😔😣
What is really bothering me is how the mother reacted...like a little kid ? Seriously she CRIED for this ? She ignore her daughter's calls and refuse to see her ( like a sulking kid ). And then she posts nasty post, hitting like a coward about what her daughter did to get compassion and for people in the family to choose her side ? ( Those who over-use inspirational quotes often sucks). It is hard to believe because the moms around me are so mature... I am very lucky to have a mom like mine : she is not childish at all, share everything, I think I only Saw her CRIED just once and it was because of soemthing Big and she hâtes receiving gifts especially from her kids because she wants us to enjoy our own money.
Does gma get the gifts from aunt and mom on their days? 300$ gifts from 16yos is not right in any sense... common or otherwise. Shame on those parents. Hope the "tradition" dies with them.
Just when you thought this world couldn't get any crazier. Let me get this straight, kids get birthday gifts. Mom gets Mother's day, her birthday and her children's birthdays. Add to that her anniversary day. Does she get a present on her husband's birthday? If her children have children, will she get gifts on their birthdays? How about baby showers? Will she get a gift for the fact they have been conceived? A nice racket old Gran has got there.
I think it's OK to give the mother a little something on a kids birthday. Never heard of it before but the idea is not THAT outlandish in my ears, I understand the logic behind the concept even if it's not something that I would do. But it should NEVER (even remotely) outrank the celebration of the child. That's basically like celebrating the mother and giving the child a consolation prize. That's bordering on psychological abuse. Besides, like one original response said: "That's what mothers day is for" so for the idea to even make sense they should all be skipping mothers day... Which is sincerely doubt they do in a family with this behavior.
Mother is a very self centered ego tripping woman. She possibly didn’t want to have children,but did … andd and made this awful arrangement with dad. Ugh, better off to be childless.
Sounds like hate and resentment. Like who requires a life long fee for birthing a human. Mom seems broken.
Hey lady who thinks she needs gifts on other people's birthdays, buy your own stuff. You are grown.
To insist on getting gifts on your child's birthday is ridiculous. A child's birthday is the one time of year when it should be all about them. By demanding that the mother receive more praise and gifts then the child is ultimately saying the child is not important enough for even 1 day ( or in my family the whole week ). Talk about another way of destroying a child's self esteem. And to ask for a $300 gift from a 16 year old, who I'm sure is now expected to pay for their own gas, car insurance, and anything else they do outside of the family setting, really? How much does she think a 16 year old makes? This means she's making the kid think about her 24/7/365. Let's add another level of stress to them, as if school/work/sports/clubs/friends/peer pressure wasn't enough, let's add a mother's toxicity to the mix and see if they develop into thrive well-balanced adults.
And my kids think im abad mom! This woman is def. A selfish piece of work! That IS wat her bday and mothers day is for...thank goodness ur not ending up like her.
I tried to comment there, but the thread has been locked. Anyways, this sorry excuse for a mother REEKS of narcissism to me. This insane tradition is something only a narcissist would think was okay. This post would fit right into the RaisedByNarcissists subreddit, which I frequent as a child of a similarly overly entitled parent.
As far as I’m concerned the mother is a greedy self serving b***h and the daughter would be better off with the mother out of her life. She can still have contact with her siblings. It’s a hard lesson to learn that some to your better off without some family members in your life.
My 2 children are only allowed to give me a gift of $25 or less both myself and my children are very well off financially I am proud of my children and wouldn't want to put any pressure on them the biggest gift they give is their love for me and their families this mother should be ashamed of herself she should be happy she has healthy children many women cannot conceive children
The OP needs to get a therapist and then have that therapist tell the mother that she is bat s**t crazy and that this is NOT what love or motherhood look like in any form of a healthy family. Ok should also post every single comment from all of us to her family's Facebook and social media showing how not 1 single person on earth agrees with their insanity!!!
This mother is absolutely disgusting and so is everyone in the family who agrees with her!!!! What in gods name is wrong with these people!!!??? Pressuring a 16 year old to get a $300 gift 4 ANYONE is selfish as hell let alone for ur mom on ur siblings birthdays!!! Who does this lady think she is!!!! THIS IS WHAT MOTHERS DAY IS FOR!! What a selfish B***H!!! She literally is talking about disowning her own daughter because her daughter thought it was selfish to want expensive gifts every time their child has a birthday!!! What a narcissistic piece of trash!!! This woman doesnt understand the meaning of motherhood and unconditional love 4 ur child!!! She sounds like the LAST person who shoukd be getting gifts!!! And what grown woman ASKS 4 their own gifts anyway!!! I don't go around ASKING people to get me gifts on MY own birthday let alone would I EVER even EXPECT gifts from friends or tell them what 2 get me cuz its none of my business wat they spend their $$ on or wat their finances r
Wow! Christ ony asked that we live by his word after his BD. I this entitled mother is SELFISH & GREEDY...how dare she. $300 from her 16 yr old and during a Pandemic. The BD girl should apologize out of respect, then search for the nearest therapist, and take your siblings with you. This could eventually you all into depression. Be BLESSED.
Very self centred woman your mother is. Mothers day is to celebrate her having her kids. Kids birthdays are for the child whos birthday it is noone elses. She needs to wake up to herself before she ends up with noone. In saying that all you kids need to stand up to her and educate her on the matter. I would gladlt walk away if my mother expected things like this. Its wrong.
Are you kidding me? NEVER have I gotten or expected to get a present on my children's birthdays! This is bizarre. I get gifts, if they want to get me something, on Mother's Day to honor me as their mother. It is appreciated but not expected. This is so weird I can't wrap my head around it!
I think the mother is a selfish pig that wants all the attention at each of her kids birthday. Mothers day is a special day for women have given birth to their children and not their mother. I would disown her and the rest of the family who thinks she is right.
Be thankful you were given birth to and bring your offerings to the womb, ungrateful slave! /s
It is very narcissistic n like that is what mother's day is for. I've had 6 children n yes mothers do get 2 days out of the year to get gifts. I find this totally ridiculous
My heart breaks for this woman. Your mother is sadly trying to find happiness in material things and looking for everyone in her life to praise her/ lift her up. It clearly shows she is suffering greatly inside whether she understands or not. I'm assuming this is generational and goes down the line for narcissistic abuse. You only owe your mother respect as being your mother but that does not intale you to worship her as a God! I pray she will seek counseling to work through what I'm assuming goes even deeper in abuse by her mother/ mother's family and rise above them. It's devastating to have to be the one to walk away however if she is not willing to see the errors of her ways you are not responsible to facilitate them any longer. Get healthy and understand you are not wrong. Love is not based on a dollar amount!
Your Mom has major issues Sorry you had to grow up in that toxic family . Flowers or a card is a generous token that should enough Your mom is crazy
Wow your Mom is the Queen of Narcissist Mothers. Is everything about her ? send her to therapy I know this is hard for you but I would tell everyone I am an orphan and hold your head high . You are right 100%
OMFG I hate this "mother and father" and anyone else who thinks this is ok. They are definitely the a**holes. I'm a mother of three and a grandmother of two. I always feel shitty when my children/grandsons buy me any presents. I LOVE the homemade ones. They have meaning and I have enough crap that I don't need and they don't need to spend their hard earned money on me,ever. I love my children and every day of my life I am grateful for them. Without them I haven't purpose. If you choose to have children and you are lucky enough to raise kind, compassionate and loving children that is your reward and it should be all you need. Forcing them to spend lavishly on you just for giving birth is sickening. She is a horrible person and if I was the daughter that got dissed I would cut off all communication with everyone but my siblings. This so called "family" is toxic as Hell. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say.
Wow, that mom is pretty ridiculous. Really self entitled. If she felt that it was so rough to have kids then she shouldn't of had them. Making your kids spend 300 on you on THEIR birthday is plain dumb. She has Mother's day for that. There is no Child's day. Since you called her out on it, she is talking trash about you with other family members! She is garbage. How can you treat your flesh and blood like that??? You are not in the wrong for real. I would feel like I had lost a piece of myself if my mom did that to me. But I would move on eventually. Those kind of people probably wont change. Pretty sad. I wish you the best and stay healthy!
Definitely NTA. The mom is the narcissistic, not the PO/daughter. The most selfish tradition ever known. It's a good thing you're outta there. I feel sorry now for your other siblings whobare left at home with the momster.
Dear narcissistic mom! That is what Mother’s Day is for! To celebrate you being a wonderful caring loving Unselfish mother! And to all the family members who jumped on the Daughter for standing up for what was wrong. Shame on you! All kids need to go on strike no more gifts for mother on their birthday! My son was born on my birthday. And every year that birthday was about him not me. Not only shame on the mother and relatives but shame on the father!!!
First of all in this case the mother is the big narcissist, second I would answer those jabs with "If I am horrible daughter it's your fault, you are the one who brought me up to be like this, so one of your statements can't be true, I am either a horrible daughter or you are a great mom, both of those can't be true", just tell them good riddance, if your family is this petty I am 10000000% sure you are better off without them, I know it hurts but you can't beat yourself up because no one in your mothers life dared to say no to her.
I’m sorry, but your mom is very self centered. It was her choice to give birth to her kids. I’m a mom of 3 and I can’t even imagine making them give me a gift on their birthday!! What kind of selfish person would ever expect that? You’re father is an ass for letting this go on. He should grow a set of balls and tell her to grow up, stop being a prima Dona and let you kids enjoy the day you were born into that effed up family without making you spend hundreds of $$ on her for giving you life!
Please understand that your mother and those who enable her are just plain wrong. There is another issue here besides narcissism. It is bullying. I have learned that a bullying parent is usually enabled first by the spouse. The children are then taught to acquiesce, and believe that all families are like this. You were so conditioned to think like this, that it is truly eye-opening to you now to see that other people's families don't operate the same way. You are neither a bad daughter nor a selfish person. You have told the truth about the situation. Your Mom's reaction is typical: self-pity, rejection, and rallying others against you. Perhaps deep down inside she is afraid. Bullies are often motivated by fear of something. Your Mom, even if difficult to deal with, is a person with fears, confusion and flaws, even if she does not see them. And even if it turns out that your Mom is not sorry, please forgive her, for your sake. Peace.
Shakes my head at this mother and father duo. How dare you take advantage of the unconditional love your children have for you and expect payment for giving them life. You are showing not tradition but self righteous glory for you and not celebrating your child's life that deserve your love as priceless not monetary gain. Amazing what someone will do to outshine the other. Remove the toxic I agree on. Mute the naysayers and move on it is their loss and karma will rear up in time. Wish you well and just be happy with the immediate family you are caring for.
I just explained this idea to both of my children and asked what they were going to do for the 26 and 24 years they've missed. From the looks I've gotten in return, I don't think this will be happening in my family.
Your mom is ridiculous if she doesn't want to talk to you that's on her. You tried to reach out. Live your life
The WORST thing about this is that the mother wrote about her daughter in a disparaging and cruel way. Who even THINKS about doing that to their child, no matter how old???? What kind of damage must that have done, and the affirmation of those remarks from family??? I would be absolutely devastated…I cannot imagine that this mother is capable of loving anyone. This is so heartbreaking. 😢🙏
Do you give your dad presents for knocking up your mom??? Wtf people. She gas a birthday and mother's day.
Uh mom YOUR GIFT IS YOUR CHILDREN!! That they are here to have another birthday and are healthy!! Selfish, ungrateful excuse of a mother. How embarrassing for her.
Pfft, some people don't deserve to become parents. The mom, whose the real narcissist, doesn't deserve jack sh***
You have to realize that the craziness/narcissism/addiction/Whatever toxic or BS behavior your mom/dad/family shares is because they share that same gene pool. I grew up with a step family and they were all toxic drama queens who acted like 8 year olds. Except for me, and they'd trot that out as a "flaw" because the other choice is having " many of them" realize they need therapy or they're destructive people. Ain't gonna happen. I'ts easier to push away and gang up on the "one" who is pointing reality at them. They have to make it You, or else OMG could it really be they're all a pack of enabling jerks. Walk away. My sister used to goad me with "it can't be *everyone* but you" Yes, it can. Never feel guilty or puzzled when people support each other in their comfortable insanity. They don't want to leave it...but you always can.
What a selfish and entitled woman. The fact that most of the family is rallying behind her just boggles my mind. I feel for all of her kids. I really hope every single one of them cuts her out of their lives. Toxic indeed!
I side with the daughter on this...i wish you the very best life has to offer you...while it seems most of your family is against you...I firmly believe that the majority of humanity stands with you. Your message to your mom was heard. Stay strong, put a smile on your face, and move on. 😌
The whole situation is just weird. She shouldn't expect her kids to give her gifts on THEIR birthday outside of it just being weird having to buy gifts for your mom as an adult IMO
She is celebrating her kids days,hers,mother day ,and every single day is her day for that matter!Soon enough all of us will have to sing haleluiah to thank God that she was born! This mother is having serious issues and its a good thing that she and her mom are no longer in contact! HALELUIAH !
I would call child protective services, AND Adult protective services, because this is mental and financial abuse, coming from the "ALL THE ELDERS" of this family! I mean really??? relying a bunch of kids for their own weirdness??? Weather you(wich of course you can't) or your mom can remember or or not, giving birth was her and your dad's choice alone, not yours. Giving birth however, is and will always be an experience for BOTH mothers AND their new baby. Does all of the elders involved(especially your mom) give $300 gifts out on their birthdays??
Your Mom needs to grow up. Money is tight for most everyone and then you are expected to buy gifts for her on all 4 of birthdays plus her own birthday and Christmas!!! If your Mom is posting those type messages on Facebook to make you feel guilty and won't answer your calls. post some of your own in reply regarding material things should not be required to show love for your mother or anyone for that matter. She has gone overboard. Mothers day, her birthday and Christmas should be sufficient for gifts. Daily phone calls, texts, emails even posts on FB to her should be sufficient to let her know you are thinking of her and that you love her.
Yeah I don't know if I'm posting this twice because I can't see my own comment but here goes: Your mother is a disgusting person. Your father is a cuck. That might be hard to swallow, but uh, sorry not sorry. If I were you I'd cut your losses and move on if you want anything close to a normal life.
I think some context is needed here. I'm Chinese and in Chinese culture it is part of our tradition to thank our moms on our birthdays. My grandma taught me the tradition of making my mom a special breakfast with a boiled egg and some sweet soup and it is to thank my mom for giving birth to me and raising me all the years. I think in the right context it's rather sweet.
Quite strange...I expect a thank you, but don't take it personally if she forgets on her day! Odd family dynamics, all of them might benefit from therapy.
My mom said it best All my children owe me is their love and respect!
Your mom is insane, she doesn't understand the true meaning of love apparently, my mother has said how much hugs kisses and talking to her means to her and that should be with every mother, they wouldn't want a gift or any of that, what your mother did was extremely selfish! She has her own birthday, she doesn't need more!
In the months leading up to my kids birthday the only thing I can think about is celebrating her, and making it special for her. On the day I make sure to have a moment of peace to reflect on the pregnancy and the birth, all comming up to haveing this perfect little person in our lives. She was born on mothers day and does not owe me anything! I just hope I bring joy to her life as much as she brings it to mine
There's this episode of South Park where it starts off with Stan's birthday party, and Cartman has brought his mom along to sit with him and the rest of the kids - why? So she can assure that Cartman her darling sociopathic son gets just as many gifts from her that day as the birthday boy Stan gets from the entire group. Kyle of course rolls his eyes because to him this is completely unnecessary, meanwhile Cartman actually says, "Yay I got just what I wanted for Stan's Birthday!" As a South Park aficionado I absolutely love it when attitudes, traditions, contradictions, etc get ripped to shreds by the creators. That being said, if something happens in real life that is TOO similar to what goes on in the show, then somebody's got a problem.
Listen honey, I am so sorry your family is doing this to you. Sometimes it is too bad we can't pick our families. After reading this, it seems to me there is some longevity to this family tradition even outside your immediate family. You didn't state whether your aunt, other family members, celebrate birthdays in this manner but, based on their reaction, I got the feeling this is the going thing. I would guess your father's reaction was his way out of trying to stay off the 'wrong' side of your mom. It may take some time for this to blow over, but it will. And, in the future and before another birthday rolls around, I would let all know that you are opting out of this tradition. It probably will mean you don't get presents on your birthday, but at your age, you can buy yourself a birthday present. It may be when you start this ball rolling, others are going to follow. But don't count narcissistic mom to join in. I'm sure she doesn't admit when she's wrong.
Is this a culture deal? The way the entire family/extended family are taking it seems like some Asian familial guilt thing. The mother should be happy with being recognized/celebrated on her birthday and mother's day. But given the extreme narcissism and jealousy over any of her kids getting a day where she is not the center of attention, I'd call her out on being a shitty mother and unworthy of being honored. But that's me. I don't suffer such nonsense/people well.
I'm sorry...mommie dearest would have to disown me thus saving me millions over the rest of my life. Geez
Amazing! So on mother's Day, you as the children also get gifts, because if it wasn't for you guys, she wouldn't have been a mother!
Amazing! So on mother's Day,you as the children also get gifts,because if it wasn't for you guys,she wouldn't have been a mother!
$300?! Who in their right mind asks a 16 year old to buy a $300 anything?! The practice isn't super weird, so long as it's small things, but that's flat out narcissism.
Get a good therapist. Give your Mother-child to bill. You owe nothing to your parents but respect, love is optional. She uses her family as a weapon, and it is obviously too hard for her extended family to confront it. But, mental illness IS a disease. Would your grandparents ignore your mother if she had cancer? Her emotional state needs to be addressed. With advanced age, often people become more child like, what will that be for you? Oh my!! Young lady, take a deep breath. Dump your trash. Get a good therapist and emotionally support your siblings. All said with respect of you. From a Mom who respects my children's lives, I don't expect to be thanked for bringing them here.
birthdays are meant to celebrate YOUR birth, not your mom!!! honestly I was kind of surprised at the extravagant presents thing, but when her relatives started posting these snarky comments on facebook it literally made my blood boil I can't stand these people and I don't even know them! btw facebook is for old people (not to disrespect any of the people here, just meant to annoy those rude family members)
My grandmother had 16 children. 2 sets of twins. Can you imagine if she was as psychotic as this person who gave birth to these children? I am not going to call her a mother. That is reserved for women who actually love and care for their children.
I'm shocked. When the the mom posted about getting rid of toxicity in your life, I think YOU should take the advice and get rid of toxic people in your life. I'm venting bc I know that's easier said than done. Does she give you children gifts on Mother's Day? If it wasn't because of you kids, she wouldn't be a mother, right? I know that's ridiculous, but it makes as much sense as her argument that her children owe her gifts on their birthdays. I wonder if she ever gave her mother gifts on her birthday? I'm trying to figure out where this whack-a-doodle tradition came from or if it started with your mother? IDK. I feel for you. But seriously, hold your ground. You are an adult and should be treated as such, with respect. There's really not a lot you can do, unless she agrees to a family sit down and puts this to a vote. The younger kids may vote in her favor anyway. This is one of those agree to disagree, when she starts talking to you again. Stay strong. Don't be manipulated.
Nothing wrong with thanking your mother on your birthday. BUT the way she demand it and even pressuring her children for expensive gifts is wrong on so many level. I wonder how she got everybody even the extended family to support that kind of behaviour.
what a horrible horrible family. blood really doesnt mean anything if they behave like this. i wouldnt even bother with them anymore.
One huge issue I have with this besides the obvious is the Mom not answering her child's calls. I don't care how pissed I am I never ignore my kids! Wouldn't even entertain the thought for a nanosecond. Then to try to turn the family and her FB friends against her own child is downright twisted. This lady has serious problems. I feel terrible for the kids who are forced to devote their day to meeting her demands. All I ever want from my kids and husband are exactly what this "mother" despises; homemade gifts and cards. What a selfish nightmare of a woman. Imagine what other expectations she has of her kids. Keep your head up OP, you aren't the problem.
I absolutely cannot believe the mom is this self-centered. I don't expects gifts from my 2 remaining children at all. I do get them gifts for their birthdays and then ask people "don't I look good for giving birth x amount of years ago?" I would say good riddance to this woman. Let's see if she expects a gift from the daughter in the future.
God so she gets to have 5 birthdays and mother's day. Wow!!!! That is entitlement right there. And asking a 16 year old for a 300$ gift on a day the mother shouldn't get s**t. All I can possibly say is talk to your siblings and then your cousins and ask if they have to do it and ask your siblings if they are tired of giving there mom 5 birthdays a year OR u suggest that you each deserve a gift on each other's bdays from there parent for putting up with that fake ass b.s tradition
I'm flabbergasted at this totally absurd expectation that the "egg donor" has instilled / brainwashed her family and off-spring she apparently had only to gain extravagant gifts for her selfish act of being an "egg donor"! NTA, walk away from this toxic "so called family", and count your blessings that you have over come and are a survivor of mental child abuse. Obviously the "egg donor" is self absorbed and cares only about her happiness and who is going to give her the biggest and best gift on the BIRTHDAY of her off spring! She doesn't deserve the rank or title of a parent nor has the love or care that "real" MOM'S are known for. Don't worry about being exiled from "the house of Misery!". Because you deserve to put your mental health and happiness before theirs! Giving you life, doesn't mean that you owe them anything else, especially since she's been profiting off of every single one of her "off spring". They are the past, don't give them your future!
This whole family is narcissistic. Again posting on social media your lives problems no one cares but the people you talk to in real life. I think your both entitled if you even expect gifts on your birthday. People dont have to get you anything and you shouldnt expect it. Its better that way because when you do get something it means way more
There is a special day for this..... It is called MOTHERS DAY. Expecting presents for every single one of your kids birthday is just gross and completely selfish. I am wondering if this was a learned behaviour from the rest of the family? Like did the grandmother do this as well?
What kind of shitty mother requires gifts on her children's birthdays!!?? What a selfish c**t
First of all greed. It is your child's birthday not your your messed up in the head. Who cares your gave birth to them your not entitled to every thing smh!
What the f**k! Your mom is an a**hole and this tradition is a scam! I have 2 kids, I always celebrate myself too, but that means I drink a beer and say "cheers for me too", normal y I do this only with my husband and kids not in the celebration party. My son was born hours after my wedding (on the same day, long funny story for another day) and my husband and I move the anniversary a couple of weeks, because we are the adults we know it is not a big deal and the birthday party for my kid is a big deal... For him und, thus, for us. Any mother/father who take the protagonism from their kids, is doing an awful job as a parent and you deserve better
I say the mother should burn in hell for being so selfish b***h on her daughter’s birthday or son’s birthday. I would tell the children to run away and disowned your whole family. I have a mother she give birth to me and my brother and half brother she don’t ask us for presents on our birthday’s . This mother makes me sick . I really believed she deserves to burn in hell . I feel bad for the children. I would give them a birthday present myself if I knew when there birthday’s are. Happy birthday to the girl that stood up against her mother. I’m right now giving your mother the middle finger after I read this whole story . No mother should be asking for presents on there kid’s birthday.
Load More Replies... What a narcissistic, self-centered, grasping woman! She should be ashamed to call herself a mother! The ONLY way that my siblings and myself could gat away with spending $300 on a gift for our mom is if all 4 of us chipped in on it and that would be for a birthday, mother's day or Christmas gift. You were not wrong for losing it. I really hope your siblings are on your side and supporting you in this. I doubt she'll answer your calls. You'll eventually be forgiven once you've made some pricey overtures to her. Treat her like a spoiled child. Ignore her, then see what happens. I wonder, has she come clean on her Facebook account on how she celebrates her demands gifts on her kids birthdays? Or is she just subtly saying she has an ungrateful child for whatever reason? It's good you're planning a therapist trip, but she needs one way more than you do. Live your life happily. Continue relationships with your sibs IF they're supporting you while ignoring her. She'll hear of it.
I've never heard of moms getting gifts on their kids' birthdays! Whoever thought of this is ridiculously selfish. The birthday is for the KID. It's his/her special day. Mom has her OWN birthday. To thank her for giving birth, there's this holiday called MOTHER'S DAY. What a rotten woman!
Thought my mom was nuts for demanding gifts but holy f**k, on your own birthday? The girl should be proud that she had the courage to stand up & leave the toxic waste behind. Maybe the other siblings will wise up one day and follow her.
Your mom is narcissistic, materialistic, entitled & toxic af. Hope you aren't surprised your dad kicked you out. Obviously they're like-minded, considering he married her & had you & your siblings with her. What a couple of spoiled brats your parents are. Honestly your family in general sounds like a mess. What kind of uncaring freak expects a 16 year old to spend $300 on them? It's one thing if they're contributing to rent or medical stuffs out of necessity, but for the sake of a greedy parent? That's the fakest tradition I've ever heard of. It sounds more like you & your siblings were/are groomed to fuel your mother's greed, which is unacceptable. Be grateful you don't have to struggle to break away from such toxicity. It may be hard to adjust to only being able to rely on yourself, but once you get things going, it isn't hard. You just gotta stay on top of things & keep your head held high! They'll see you shine eventually & I hope you feel as satisfied as can be when you do!
Isn't that what mother's day is for? For giving her gifts for birthing us? And when you have 4 kids and every kid has to give you a present on their birthday as well as mother's day that doesn't make sense
How is this a website? All they do is go through Reddit and repost the content here. Does Reddit own this site?
They do more than that. Just because that's what you see doesn't mention there isnt other content.
Load More Replies... Your mother is the most toxic person that has ever existed. She's almost worst than Vlad Putin. I'm a therapist and this is such a case of narcissistic entitlement to an extreme degree and enmeshing between your mother and father. End the relationship and block her off everything. You are not losing anything, only gaining you and your self-respect. And more
So sorry you had to deal with this. People these days are so materialistic and it is most sad. I feel your mom should be most proud to have a wonderful child like yourself. You are growing up to be a blessing to this world, and you need to feel that you are a good person. Family is family and they can be your worse enemies at times. Your day is your day the day God meant for you to be. Just keep n track for yourself and don't let them steer you off path. Sounds like a sense of incitement along with jealousy. You will be fine if you need to talk to someone do so, just don't blame yourself. Stay faithful and stay true to you. Blessings to you.
Mark Hinman, I thought the title was confusing, too.
Load More Replies... My kids just stared wishing me a " Happy Birthing Day" on their Birthdays I thought it was wierd but cute (no gifts). This goes way over the top. OP needs out
I wonder however, if this really is celebrated through the generations? The OP doesn't mention if her mother gets her grandma a gift on her birthday? Because there's a good question to ask if it doesn't. Also, do they celebrate Mother's Day? Perhaps they don't? I would want to dig a little deeper, to understand how this all began and only then can you begin to understand their motives. Perhaps it all started with a traumatic birth and just carried on from there? But expecting such an expensive necklace is definitely too much and it sounds as though the OP doesn't have a great relationship with her mother if none of them can talk openly to her about this. I would be suggesting they all put to, for the necklace instead of individual gifts. If her reaction is typical of what happens when people question her behaviour, then it sounds like the OP and her siblings are all walking on eggshells in fear of upsetting her. Shame there is not a sympathetic aunt who can help by acting as mediator.
Family is dumb. Mom knows her kids are dumb and op is a dumb cry baby. America has too many Democrats like this.
Ill call bs...first if this is the US you cant legally just kick her out..if she is getting mail and in some states that doesnt even matter its a civil problem and have to evict...i think people write these to get attention and you did exactly that...its called a unreliable narrator, they are either deliberately deceptive or unintentionally misguided....
It's overbearing, for sure. And really ridiculous to insist on being given a gift for any day. That's not how gifts work. But maybe everyone in this story is a bit entitled. I moved to a country where alot of people don't even know when their Birthday is. The government just listed the first day of the month they were reported to be born in. I celebrated a dear friend's birthday this week & it was the first time it's ever happened. She turned 28. We actually had 2 celebrations cuz they aren't quite sure which day it was and her government ID says it's in June! This is February. Birthdays aren't obligatory for anyone. I wish her mom wanted to celebrate OP more. But lots of people don't get any celebration. And also i think I'll start sending my mom gifts on my Birthday. I wish i had thought of this sooner!
Why is OP finding it ard to walk away from her mum? Why is she calling her? Just delete her number from your phone, u follow her and all relatives who thinks a selfish mum is okay and move on with your life... It means you will have to spend less on her gifts and you can invest in yourself. Years later when she comes to her senses maybe you can reunite but after you've set your boundaries.
Again, when are people going to learn they can't control the actions or opinions of others. Is it right that their mother receives gifts on the kids birthday? My opinion is no, but then again I'm not the one giving or receiving the gift, and neither is this lady, birthday aside.
Why is Bored Panda becoming nothing but a regurgitator of BS Reddit posts? This is a really lazy-ass way to run a website.
Just because it's the only thing you see doesnt mean other content doesnt exist.
Load More Replies... Vanity is an evil disease!!! A modern day witch and the husband's mind has been witchcrafted...and so are the relatives!!! The daughter should not seek a therapist but the Lord Jesus Christ and believe the wickedness of the mother and to carry on with her life!!! Because before it is all over she is going to need her!!!
The dad annoys me even more, the enabler. Kicks his own daughter out, because mommy cries. Eeww.
Load More Replies... I'm a mom. I've always felt that the day I gave birth to my daughter is MY day. What did she do?? I labored & gave birth. So this is the 1st time I've heard someone shares my view. However, the expecting pricey gifts??? Im happy with a heartfelt card & scratch-off! It's still her birthday. We can share the day. This woman has 3 kids and cannot afford pricey gifts to appease their mom. Mom is 100% wrong. Stop the s**t mom!
I disagree. It IS a special day for a woman on the day she gives birth, absolutely! But to expect a card, gift, or any other kind of acknowledgement from your child every single year on THEIR birthday, for something YOU chose to do smacks of narcissism.
Load More Replies... Shes literally in an abusive situation. its not being childish. Its pointing out generational trauma.
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