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Mothers won’t always approve of their sons’ romantic partners, nor are they expected to do so all the time. However, they also have no right to step in and try to sabotage the relationship.
This woman callously did the latter by sending spiteful messages to his son’s girlfriend. What made it worse for the man was that he learned of the backstabbing in secret, which understandably enraged him.
Desperate for solutions on what to do next, he sought advice from the Reddit community.
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It would be downright sadistic for any parent to try to ruin their child’s romantic relationship
Man sitting on couch in a dark room, looking at his phone with a serious expression, cutting ties with his mother.
Mothers who try to sabotage their sons’ romantic relationships are often driven by personal issues
Anytime a mother tries to sabotage their son’s romantic relationships, as the woman in the story did, it is likely due to a variety of personal issues. According to Cambridge Therapy Centre clinical psychologist Christine Schneider, one plausible reason is their fear of losing their position in their son’s life.
“When a new partner arrives, it can feel like a shift in loyalty or attention, even if nothing has actually changed,” Schneider told Bored Panda, also stating that others may be projecting unresolved anxieties about abandonment, trust, or their own past relationships.
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In some cases, it may be a byproduct of how they raised their son as children, where the mother may develop jealousy. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Maggie Hollinbeck, jealousy may also be combined with arrested development and/or narcissistic traits.
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“It comes back to an enmeshed relationship between mother and son that goes back to childhood; when the son was little, mom put all of her emotional investment into the son, usually to the detriment of her own marriage,” she explained.
Older woman smiling slightly, representing mother revealing true colors in texts, causing ties to be cut with son.
So, what would be the best course of action when dealing with this kind of parent? Schneider is all about having a calm conversation. As Schneider noted, the goal is to establish understanding, above all else.
“It’s also worth acknowledging that some mothers behave this way because they’re struggling emotionally themselves, and naming that gently can reduce defensiveness,” she said.
Meanwhile, Hollinbeck specified the type of boundaries one must set with a parent who seems intent on ruining your relationship.
“It’s also worth acknowledging that some mothers behave this way because they’re struggling emotionally themselves, and naming that gently can reduce defensiveness.”
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However, some scenarios are not worth tackling alone. You may need to seek professional assistance, which Bonnie Lambert, LMFT, advises.
“You should avoid attempting to handle this situation by yourself,” Lambert said. “The therapist needs to intervene to identify basic family patterns that lead to self-protection method development.”
At this point, the author would benefit from creating distance between himself, his mother, and his partner. It seems like his mom is intent on causing damage, and it may be best to move away from all that toxicity.
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Reddit conversation about a man cutting ties with his mother after she reveals true colors in texts to his girlfriend.
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Man cuts ties with mother after she reveals true colors in texts to his girlfriend, showing family conflict and betrayal online.
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Comment on Reddit expressing happiness for a friend and his girlfriend, sending holiday wishes from England.
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Comment expressing support for a man who cuts ties with his mother after she reveals true colors in texts to his girlfriend.
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I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place
I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place
In my spare time, I enjoy creating art - both in traditional and digital form, mainly in the form of painting and animation. Other interests include gaming and music. Favorite bands include Swans, The Strokes, The Beatles.
In my spare time, I enjoy creating art - both in traditional and digital form, mainly in the form of painting and animation. Other interests include gaming and music. Favorite bands include Swans, The Strokes, The Beatles.
Who are all these idiots telling him to propose? That timing would suck. You can be couples for life without ever getting married, and it's better to make a mutual decision as a couple anyway.
Exactly. Him not proposing isn't even the point. The point is his mother insulting his gf behind his back and his gf being too non-confrontational to mention it to her gf. I understand why she kept it to herself because the potential for drama is endless, but at the same time, letting this slide only enables this monster-in-law. God only knows what she does or will do if or when grandkids enter the picture! MIL or not: if you behave underhandedly, are rude and try to control someone else's relationship, you open yourself up to consequences.
I assume it’s because in his original post he didn’t say that neither of them wanted to get married. And with his mother taunting girlfriend that he doesn’t want to marry her, it sounded in the original post that girlfriend was upset by not being proposed to and had talked to his mum about it. But it is odd that even after clarifying that neither wanted to get married the last comment was still “hope she’s your fiancé soon.”
If that were my mother I would be going down to the courthouse to get married and skip the engagement. There is no way I would want that woman making decisions for me should the worst happen.
That's actually a good point. But depending on the country, you can file for a specific person to have power of attorney instead of your family, so you don't necessarily need to be married for that.
That was my thought. If you're worried about medical or legal power of attorney, simply assign that to each other. There's your "marriage ceremony". It effectively enshrines your partner's rights as your partner and excludes family of origin from butting in and doing things regardless of the person's wishes.
I would think, from what the mother was saying, that the girlfriend DID broach the subject of marriage, and frankly, after eight years at age 32 it would be unusual if it were not on her mind. It's also important to point out that marriage in the US is a legal contract, with rights far beyond that of a "de facto" marriage or common-law partnership.
I was with my boyfriend for 24 years and marriage was not "on my mind" at ANY point, not 3 years in, not 8 years in, not 20 years in. I didn't care about getting married, didn't really want to, saw no need to, and didn't need the "rights" that come with being married. My boyfriend was on the same page with me for all of it. Neither one of us gave a shít about being married and neither one of us "needed" to be married to know that we loved each other and wanted to be with each other. Your view of "it would be unusual if it wasn't on her mind after 8 years at 32 years old" is a bit disgusting. Is the GF supposed to be some kind of sad spinster because she's in her 30s and not married? Do you think that ALL women think about marriage? Did you read ANY of OP's comments where he said (repeatedly) that NOT being married was a mutual decision by them BOTH?
Agreed. I met my partner in 1999, and only married in 2017 after my father died and I found out some of the details about inheritance tax. Quickest, cheapest ceremony possible, two witnesses, no family, and my wife couldn't even tell you when it was. Purely a practical financial arrangement (which is worth considering if you own a house jointly). Not everyone wants marriage or children.
I married because it simply makes it easier when you're the one handling their ill health or financial affairs. Easier when they die. Marry or get things wrapped up in Wills, Power of Attorney... that kind of thing. Commonlaw marriage is not a thing in all countries, so check the law, check your rights and if you buy a property together BOTH be on the deeds!! It doesn't have to be marriage but if people think of it as just something religious they're wrong or just a bit of paper, they're also wrong - that bit of paper gives you rights. If you don't need or want them, fine.
Ah thank you BK, I was wondering why everyone was jumping on the marriage bandwagon whereas a legal partnership would surely work the same way but without the bells and whistles. So they're not the same legally?
It depends A LOT on where you live. Different countries have different rules/benefits/etc. regarding marriage vs. domestic partnerships vs. "commonlaw" marriage.
Who are all these idiots telling him to propose? That timing would suck. You can be couples for life without ever getting married, and it's better to make a mutual decision as a couple anyway.
Exactly. Him not proposing isn't even the point. The point is his mother insulting his gf behind his back and his gf being too non-confrontational to mention it to her gf. I understand why she kept it to herself because the potential for drama is endless, but at the same time, letting this slide only enables this monster-in-law. God only knows what she does or will do if or when grandkids enter the picture! MIL or not: if you behave underhandedly, are rude and try to control someone else's relationship, you open yourself up to consequences.
I assume it’s because in his original post he didn’t say that neither of them wanted to get married. And with his mother taunting girlfriend that he doesn’t want to marry her, it sounded in the original post that girlfriend was upset by not being proposed to and had talked to his mum about it. But it is odd that even after clarifying that neither wanted to get married the last comment was still “hope she’s your fiancé soon.”
If that were my mother I would be going down to the courthouse to get married and skip the engagement. There is no way I would want that woman making decisions for me should the worst happen.
That's actually a good point. But depending on the country, you can file for a specific person to have power of attorney instead of your family, so you don't necessarily need to be married for that.
That was my thought. If you're worried about medical or legal power of attorney, simply assign that to each other. There's your "marriage ceremony". It effectively enshrines your partner's rights as your partner and excludes family of origin from butting in and doing things regardless of the person's wishes.
I would think, from what the mother was saying, that the girlfriend DID broach the subject of marriage, and frankly, after eight years at age 32 it would be unusual if it were not on her mind. It's also important to point out that marriage in the US is a legal contract, with rights far beyond that of a "de facto" marriage or common-law partnership.
I was with my boyfriend for 24 years and marriage was not "on my mind" at ANY point, not 3 years in, not 8 years in, not 20 years in. I didn't care about getting married, didn't really want to, saw no need to, and didn't need the "rights" that come with being married. My boyfriend was on the same page with me for all of it. Neither one of us gave a shít about being married and neither one of us "needed" to be married to know that we loved each other and wanted to be with each other. Your view of "it would be unusual if it wasn't on her mind after 8 years at 32 years old" is a bit disgusting. Is the GF supposed to be some kind of sad spinster because she's in her 30s and not married? Do you think that ALL women think about marriage? Did you read ANY of OP's comments where he said (repeatedly) that NOT being married was a mutual decision by them BOTH?
Agreed. I met my partner in 1999, and only married in 2017 after my father died and I found out some of the details about inheritance tax. Quickest, cheapest ceremony possible, two witnesses, no family, and my wife couldn't even tell you when it was. Purely a practical financial arrangement (which is worth considering if you own a house jointly). Not everyone wants marriage or children.
I married because it simply makes it easier when you're the one handling their ill health or financial affairs. Easier when they die. Marry or get things wrapped up in Wills, Power of Attorney... that kind of thing. Commonlaw marriage is not a thing in all countries, so check the law, check your rights and if you buy a property together BOTH be on the deeds!! It doesn't have to be marriage but if people think of it as just something religious they're wrong or just a bit of paper, they're also wrong - that bit of paper gives you rights. If you don't need or want them, fine.
Ah thank you BK, I was wondering why everyone was jumping on the marriage bandwagon whereas a legal partnership would surely work the same way but without the bells and whistles. So they're not the same legally?
It depends A LOT on where you live. Different countries have different rules/benefits/etc. regarding marriage vs. domestic partnerships vs. "commonlaw" marriage.
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