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Woman Cancels Engagement After Fiancé Blows Up Over Not Getting Slice Of Inheritance
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Woman Cancels Engagement After Fiancé Blows Up Over Not Getting Slice Of Inheritance

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Receiving a sizable inheritance is many people’s dream. While it often comes during a difficult time, this money can alleviate some of the stress of having to stay financially stable while grieving. And sometimes, it’s even enough to provide a comfortable life for your own children.

But finances are one of the top issues couples fight about, and for one couple, determining how a mother’s inheritance would be split led to calling off their wedding altogether. Below, you’ll find the full story that the mom shared on Reddit, as well as an update and some of the replies invested readers shared.

After inheriting a significant amount of money from her grandfather, this woman planned on passing it down to her daughter

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But after getting engaged, her fiancé felt that his children were entitled to some of the funds as well

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Later, the mother responded to comments and clarified some details about the situation

Many readers assured the mom that she was right to look out for her daughter and warned that marriage might be a bad idea

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She later shared an update on the situation and her status with her partner

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The majority of parents want to leave an inheritance for their kids, but not everyone can

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While the thought of losing a parent is an unthinkable idea that most of us don’t even want to cross our minds, unfortunately, it is something parents need to consider eventually. One day, they will leave their children, and it’s wise to plan for what will happen when they go and if it will be possible to leave anything behind for their sons and daughters.

According to Business Wire, 83% of Americans want to leave money or assets to a loved one, but only 64% feel that they’re actually prepared to do so. In fact, only 50% have a formal plan in place for the inheritance they’ll leave. But even for those who will receive something, less than a quarter of parents will inform their children how much they’ll be getting. Because of this, people often have unrealistic expectations about how much they’ll inherit.

Over half of those surveyed said they expected to receive over $100,000, while in reality, only 28% of people inherited the amount that they anticipated. And unsurprisingly, the topic of inheritance can cause conflicts in many families. 24% of Americans worry that it will cause tension or disagreements among their loved ones.

Inheriting money or assets can often cause conflicts among families, especially blended families

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The issue of inheritance can become even more complicated for those who have blended families. Are step-children entitled to inheritance from both of their parents? According to Relational Law, stepchildren do not have inheritance rights unless they’ve been legally adopted by their non-biological parents. However, they can be included in inheritance if they’re specifically listed as beneficiaries in a will or trust.

In some cases, stepchildren can also challenge a will if they feel they’re entitled to some inheritance. Family Lives explains that, in the United Kingdom for example, “If a stepchild was treated as a child of the family by a married stepparent or was financially dependent on a stepparent who has died, and there is either no or inadequate provision on the death of the stepparent, he or she can make an application to the court under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.” 

This does not necessarily mean that the stepchild will actually receive anything, but if they’ve been living in a household with the stepparent, they could be considered at least partially a dependent. However, according to Vail Gardner Law, sometimes when a parent passes, there will be disputes between the surviving parent and their remaining stepchildren.

Individuals are allowed to decide where their inheritance will go and are not obligated to share it with their spouse

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The children may resent their stepparent for inheriting things from their biological parent that they feel entitled to. Angry stepchildren sometimes want to create challenges for the living parent or accuse them of elder financial exploitation. The mother in this particular story foresaw some of the possible issues that could come from her daughter receiving a sizable inheritance, so she decided to nip the problem in the bud.

In the United States, people are typically not obligated to share their inheritance with their spouse. However, if disputes over inheritance arise during a divorce, it sometimes becomes common property between both parties, depending on state laws. But in this case on Reddit, it was likely wise for the mother to hold off on any wedding planning, at least for now. It’s not worth it to tie the knot if the issue of inheritance will keep surfacing.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this couple made the right choice to hold off on marriage? Then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article, we recommend checking out this one discussing inheritance issues.

Readers had mixed opinions on the mother’s update

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rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really can't relate to this story. My wife and I built our lives together from nothing. My stepkids are my kids... but I also couldn't be in a relationship where my children are treated as less than in their own home - which apparently isn't "their home". I wouldn't expect OP to split her money evenly, but if she can't see how the environment would be unhealthy for my kids I would probably move out and maybe just date.

etcavanagh avatar
Zobi123
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. I get that she feels it's her daughter's money, but realistically, they would never have a happy home with one child being so disproportionately spoiled compared to the other two. And the other two would definitely resent her daughter.

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smi avatar
S Mi
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think his focus on children living un the same household is entirely appropriate. Treating some as haves and others as have nots in the same household is awful. As far as putting the money in trust, it's a great idea, but the feelings of all children in the home, based on what's happening in their lives matters (Edit to clarify: the other kids should not expect trust funds, but should have equal treatment in their home growing up)

razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some pretty wild stuff here. Anyone who thinks the OP’s future stepchildren should be treated less well than her own daughter must have read a different version of Cinderella to me, where the title character is the villain and we all have a good laugh at her being treated so badly.

kiramcpherson avatar
Aelin Wildfire
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except there's one big difference: Cinderella's -stepsisters- were the ones being treated well, -at her expense-. They were the ones who married into the family, and used their new family's wealth to indulge themselves. It's not fair to expect the step kids to watch their new sibling get all this fun stuff they can't get, but there are compromises that can be made to keep everyone happy. -Having- the wealth doesn't mean it has to be -used-, and honestly, I don't see how they even bought a pony in the first place if the money is all tied up in a trust anyway...

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cheryl-zandt avatar
Warrior Mama
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think a point that many are missing in this situation is that marriage is a partnership. Whatever the particular arrangement about assets is going to be, discussing this stuff ahead of time - before committing to marriage - is essential. The woman's finance and kids aren't entitled to the woman's assets, BUT the finance is entitled to adequate information about it ahead of time so he can plan accordingly. And while I do believe that generational wealth should be protected, their situation sounded like a recipe for disaster and they should have planned better including the woman. Blended families are hard enough without one kid having way more than the others do. A parent should know to expect that before committing. Personally, I wouldn't subject my kids to daily favoritism either - not in a gold digger sense, but just a sense of fairness and harmony.

juniperbushes avatar
Gin
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should generational wealth be protected? Completely unearned by those that inherit, they've done nothing to deserve it at all. Merely been born to someone wealthy. I expect most of us would rather like some of that if we're honest 😁 but is it really good for humans to have no real reason to strive? The children of the wealthy already have a lot of privilege. A lot of doors open to them for the education they get, the circles they move in. Already ahead of others with less. Then free money on top! No real need to do anything meaningful with their life. Some will, some won't. Whilst I totally understand why the mother would do this, it also feels... wrong (and I'm probably explaining myself badly). One person raised up above the others, instead of sharing and giving them all better chances. I don't know that I'd do anything differently, I suppose I'm just pondering it... though I hope I'd want to share 🤷 Think the few comments made by Ron Baza make good points.

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kerri_peek avatar
Kerri Peek
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. I've always been poor, just recently climbed to lower-middle class and I think you're greedy. Those were going to be YOUR kids too and you chose money over them. I'm glad they're free of their Wicked Stepmonster. ETA I have given my kids and grandkids everything within my power. I'm your polar opposite as I believe money is a means to an end. You are destined to having a very lonely life, because money doesn't keep you warm at night.

rdougherty666 avatar
Ryan-James O'Driscoll
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, despite the internet's idea that everything is black and white, I think they both make valid points and are both being TA. I'm sure there are many people with different views on inheritance than me, but while I think it is reasonable to keep some ringfenced for the daughters part of the inheritance, her approach is creating a two-tier household. His approach of "everybody should have the same" isnt exactly reasonable either. How they planned to live their lives and split finances should have been discussed much sooner and perhaps they could have avoided this mess.

tncech avatar
Roman Spruce
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad this relationship ended. The kids would have all been screwed over and would be pitted against each other. OP's daughter would wind up spoiled and lonely and the fiance's kids would stick together and feel nothing but bitterness for OP and daughter.

nitka711 avatar
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don‘t think the guy is selfish or greedy. He just does not want his kids to feel „less than“. If I understood it correctly, he would be perfectly ok with no pony at all (as an example). He is just a Dad who wants what‘s best for his kids. To feel equally loved. I understand her too and if it comes to schools, this is a real problem… maybe they could explain it to the kids? About the pony: I wouldn‘t buy one. She can ride in a stable. She does not need her own Pony.

dillonk7054 avatar
Kimberley Dillon Chapman
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Riding lessons for all the kids would have been a better starting point. Not "I'm going to buy her a pony."

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lauraguevarasa avatar
Dancing Armadillo
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand where the dad is coming from but I understand where the mom is too. How can you spoil one child but not the other two? She wants the best for her daughter which she’s entitled to.. but how can you send one child to expensive school while the other two go to public? How can one child get extravagant gifts while the other two’s are subpar. These are children whose mother doesn’t want them.. they are going to hate you and your daughter for being treated differently. They are kids they won’t understand the reasons why. This woman is better off with a childless man or a man with grown children. This marriage wouldn’t have worked.

greenrider82 avatar
Rider
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have only step daughters, by choice I have no natural children. I inherited a lot of my grandmothers and aunts jewelry, most of it will go to my nieces. What wealth I build will be split among my daughters.

stacys avatar
Stacy s
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sort of get it. But if I got a fortune I would NOT buy my bio son a freaking pony. And i would 1000% being putting an equal amount in my stepdaughters college fund as I did my bio son. So - if my husband got an inheritance and acted the opposite, I would also be very unhappy. Though instead of debating it - I would LEAVE him.

manowce avatar
manowce
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think that he's the money-hungry one. I get setting up a safety pillow for your daughter's future, but if they were to marry, his kids would be her kids, too. how does she imagine her biological daughter going to a fancy private school, getting ponies, having her own apartment without any problems, and then her stepchildren being deprived of that? I'm not saying that going to a regular school or having to work for your own apartment is somehow bad, but being treated as less important, less worthy in the same household would be a huge blow to those kids. that relationship would never survive this anyway.

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She just downgraded herself from "love of my life, equal partner" to "convenient rent saver". If she can't have difficult conversations about money and priorities, or even a "we" mindset, she is not mature enough to get married. He will stick around so long as it's convenient and saves him money to do so, but he'll bounce once the emotional costs to himself and his kids start outweighing the financial benefits he can glean by staying. She won't be able to find an equivalent replacement because no one of any quality will accept her "my kid gets a pony, your kid gets nothing" mine vs. yours mentality. So she'll find herself stuck with not-good people and sugar babies in it for her money. Which I suspect is how she prefers it, since she'd have the power and control in that case.

yinlin avatar
Yin Lin
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

May get downvoted but YTA. I think it’s perfectly reasonable not to buy the stepkids ponies, for now. I only say this because it was mentioned that it was for bio daughter’s birthday. HOWEVER; this woman basically said, “I don’t give a s**t that my stepkids are going to be under my care too, my daughter matters more. For everyone saying the woman should run, no. The man should run away from this selfish b***h

sheriesmith avatar
Skulls.N.Succulents
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if he uses the child support from his ex for OPs daughter too or just his kids. And what if the money was money from OPs daughters father? Would he still expect his kids to get a share of what is clearly not their money? Nothing in life is truly fair or equal if all he looks at is price tags and even if they spent the money on the kids equally it wouldn't be fair to OPs daughter. If they bought all of them a pony and his kids see it as a responsibility they don't want instead of an amazing gift like OPs daughter that wouldn't be fair to his kids. If they bought all of them the same car and one of them wanted a truck that was cheaper! Giving them all the same amount of money for college if they chose different schools, majors and plans isn't fair!!!

delafields avatar
Dela Fields
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His willingness to sign a prenup shows he's not just after her money. In the case of a divorce he would not be entitled to any inherited assets/money. He should run for the hills. Expecting children in a blended family to grow up in the same house while not being treated equally is ridiculous. Sending only her child to private schools & providing only her child with large purchases like a pony or a car is ridiculous. I received some life ins money when my father died & any money spent was for the benefit and betterment of our blended FAMILY. I would have never considered treating children differently. The grandfather clearly didn't leave the money in trusts with specific stipulations so it's use is at the discretion of the OP so her excuses as to "I'm using it for myself & my daughter only b/c it's what her grandpa wanted" is laughable she is playing favorites and the OP should not be anyone's stepmother.

aznyheim avatar
Annie Persson
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no problem with saving the inherintance for your own kid only. But for the love of humanity, DO treat all the children in the household the same while they are growing up together! I was the child whos step sisters got riding lesson and piano lessons and room redecoratings etc., while I delivered newspapers in the morning before school all through high school, six days a week to pay for school books and clothes and so on. Sure, I get it, their dad was rich and could afford it for them,

miriamemendelson avatar
Mimi M
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, I'm going to be the lone optimist here. I think the fact that they are not (for now) ruling out an ongoing relationship without marriage, gives me hope that the connection might continue, without marriage making it more complicated.

johannazamora_1 avatar
Pyla
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The people that make this garbage up is almost as astonishing as Bored panda publishing it. She needs an atty. The person knows you can't just put assets in a child's name without some additional legal work involved. This is the last AITA I will comment on, the rest, for good or bad, are downvoted and unclicked. You can shove your ad revenue up your bunghole.

anne-karina avatar
Anne
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think she had attorneys and estate planners - you can't really set this all up by yourself. She wrote there were special funds with rules set up.

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jppennington avatar
JayWantsACat
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP isn't buying her daughter a pony nor setting up a trust fund, her grandfather is. It sucks for the other kids but this has nothing to do with them. If they can't understand that it's not OP fault. It seems like he was coming from a decent place about this, just thinking of his children, but he has no right to any of that money even if it weren't an inheritance. Life isn't fair, suck it up.

razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jay. Periodically, there are stories on BoredPanda about children from blended families who were shamelessly treated less well than their step siblings. Such stories also exist in day to day life. Hell, such stories go into folk literature such as Cinderella. Most of us, when we hear about stepchildren who are shamelessly treated as second class people in their own homes, think that’s a bad thing. But I appreciate that, when you take your own kids to see a Cinderella, may want to leave at the halfway point and explain that the wicked stepmother was the hero of the story.

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joshuadavid avatar
Joshua David
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you date within your class. I don't mean it rude. This is why fairytale endings don't often happen because most people who date withing thier own class, won't have issues understanding this and will arrive and possibly depart as they arrived.

mrob avatar
Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

HE was dating BELOW his class ( money does not make class). You and others still believe in a caste system. I was raised with money, I married for love and although we were broke as fck, I would not change it for the world (40+ yrs).

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scottrackley avatar
Scott Rackley
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good grief. He showed you exactly who he is and you're still in a relationship. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t worry about him leaving you. He won’t because then he’d have to pay rent for himself and his kids.

edwardschofield avatar
Dingooo
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I don't understand why a financially well off woman thinks she needs a man around especially one with the baggage of children. I think the guy is a gold digger.

mikedelancey avatar
Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

The guy was marrying for money, not love. If the genders were switched, he'd be called a gold digger. Pre nuptial arrangements are a thing. So are trusts like the OP. If you need the money to be happy, you need to find someone else.

razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if the story was told from the perspective of the stepchildren, about how their stepmother bought a pony for her own daughter but told them they weren’t allowed to have things as nice as her own child, you’d be OK with that? Call me a cynic, but there’s a reason why most fairy tales don’t end with the wicked stepmother being the hero.

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auroragallegos avatar
razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brave call. Now reread the story from the perspective of stepchildren who are told “Meet your new stepmother. Meet your new stepsister. Your new stepsister is getting a pony. And you can go f**k yourselves in your c**t faces, you s**t peons. This may be your home but you are a second class person here.”

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rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really can't relate to this story. My wife and I built our lives together from nothing. My stepkids are my kids... but I also couldn't be in a relationship where my children are treated as less than in their own home - which apparently isn't "their home". I wouldn't expect OP to split her money evenly, but if she can't see how the environment would be unhealthy for my kids I would probably move out and maybe just date.

etcavanagh avatar
Zobi123
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. I get that she feels it's her daughter's money, but realistically, they would never have a happy home with one child being so disproportionately spoiled compared to the other two. And the other two would definitely resent her daughter.

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smi avatar
S Mi
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think his focus on children living un the same household is entirely appropriate. Treating some as haves and others as have nots in the same household is awful. As far as putting the money in trust, it's a great idea, but the feelings of all children in the home, based on what's happening in their lives matters (Edit to clarify: the other kids should not expect trust funds, but should have equal treatment in their home growing up)

razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some pretty wild stuff here. Anyone who thinks the OP’s future stepchildren should be treated less well than her own daughter must have read a different version of Cinderella to me, where the title character is the villain and we all have a good laugh at her being treated so badly.

kiramcpherson avatar
Aelin Wildfire
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except there's one big difference: Cinderella's -stepsisters- were the ones being treated well, -at her expense-. They were the ones who married into the family, and used their new family's wealth to indulge themselves. It's not fair to expect the step kids to watch their new sibling get all this fun stuff they can't get, but there are compromises that can be made to keep everyone happy. -Having- the wealth doesn't mean it has to be -used-, and honestly, I don't see how they even bought a pony in the first place if the money is all tied up in a trust anyway...

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cheryl-zandt avatar
Warrior Mama
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think a point that many are missing in this situation is that marriage is a partnership. Whatever the particular arrangement about assets is going to be, discussing this stuff ahead of time - before committing to marriage - is essential. The woman's finance and kids aren't entitled to the woman's assets, BUT the finance is entitled to adequate information about it ahead of time so he can plan accordingly. And while I do believe that generational wealth should be protected, their situation sounded like a recipe for disaster and they should have planned better including the woman. Blended families are hard enough without one kid having way more than the others do. A parent should know to expect that before committing. Personally, I wouldn't subject my kids to daily favoritism either - not in a gold digger sense, but just a sense of fairness and harmony.

juniperbushes avatar
Gin
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should generational wealth be protected? Completely unearned by those that inherit, they've done nothing to deserve it at all. Merely been born to someone wealthy. I expect most of us would rather like some of that if we're honest 😁 but is it really good for humans to have no real reason to strive? The children of the wealthy already have a lot of privilege. A lot of doors open to them for the education they get, the circles they move in. Already ahead of others with less. Then free money on top! No real need to do anything meaningful with their life. Some will, some won't. Whilst I totally understand why the mother would do this, it also feels... wrong (and I'm probably explaining myself badly). One person raised up above the others, instead of sharing and giving them all better chances. I don't know that I'd do anything differently, I suppose I'm just pondering it... though I hope I'd want to share 🤷 Think the few comments made by Ron Baza make good points.

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kerri_peek avatar
Kerri Peek
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. I've always been poor, just recently climbed to lower-middle class and I think you're greedy. Those were going to be YOUR kids too and you chose money over them. I'm glad they're free of their Wicked Stepmonster. ETA I have given my kids and grandkids everything within my power. I'm your polar opposite as I believe money is a means to an end. You are destined to having a very lonely life, because money doesn't keep you warm at night.

rdougherty666 avatar
Ryan-James O'Driscoll
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, despite the internet's idea that everything is black and white, I think they both make valid points and are both being TA. I'm sure there are many people with different views on inheritance than me, but while I think it is reasonable to keep some ringfenced for the daughters part of the inheritance, her approach is creating a two-tier household. His approach of "everybody should have the same" isnt exactly reasonable either. How they planned to live their lives and split finances should have been discussed much sooner and perhaps they could have avoided this mess.

tncech avatar
Roman Spruce
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad this relationship ended. The kids would have all been screwed over and would be pitted against each other. OP's daughter would wind up spoiled and lonely and the fiance's kids would stick together and feel nothing but bitterness for OP and daughter.

nitka711 avatar
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don‘t think the guy is selfish or greedy. He just does not want his kids to feel „less than“. If I understood it correctly, he would be perfectly ok with no pony at all (as an example). He is just a Dad who wants what‘s best for his kids. To feel equally loved. I understand her too and if it comes to schools, this is a real problem… maybe they could explain it to the kids? About the pony: I wouldn‘t buy one. She can ride in a stable. She does not need her own Pony.

dillonk7054 avatar
Kimberley Dillon Chapman
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Riding lessons for all the kids would have been a better starting point. Not "I'm going to buy her a pony."

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lauraguevarasa avatar
Dancing Armadillo
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand where the dad is coming from but I understand where the mom is too. How can you spoil one child but not the other two? She wants the best for her daughter which she’s entitled to.. but how can you send one child to expensive school while the other two go to public? How can one child get extravagant gifts while the other two’s are subpar. These are children whose mother doesn’t want them.. they are going to hate you and your daughter for being treated differently. They are kids they won’t understand the reasons why. This woman is better off with a childless man or a man with grown children. This marriage wouldn’t have worked.

greenrider82 avatar
Rider
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have only step daughters, by choice I have no natural children. I inherited a lot of my grandmothers and aunts jewelry, most of it will go to my nieces. What wealth I build will be split among my daughters.

stacys avatar
Stacy s
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sort of get it. But if I got a fortune I would NOT buy my bio son a freaking pony. And i would 1000% being putting an equal amount in my stepdaughters college fund as I did my bio son. So - if my husband got an inheritance and acted the opposite, I would also be very unhappy. Though instead of debating it - I would LEAVE him.

manowce avatar
manowce
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think that he's the money-hungry one. I get setting up a safety pillow for your daughter's future, but if they were to marry, his kids would be her kids, too. how does she imagine her biological daughter going to a fancy private school, getting ponies, having her own apartment without any problems, and then her stepchildren being deprived of that? I'm not saying that going to a regular school or having to work for your own apartment is somehow bad, but being treated as less important, less worthy in the same household would be a huge blow to those kids. that relationship would never survive this anyway.

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blatherskitenoir
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She just downgraded herself from "love of my life, equal partner" to "convenient rent saver". If she can't have difficult conversations about money and priorities, or even a "we" mindset, she is not mature enough to get married. He will stick around so long as it's convenient and saves him money to do so, but he'll bounce once the emotional costs to himself and his kids start outweighing the financial benefits he can glean by staying. She won't be able to find an equivalent replacement because no one of any quality will accept her "my kid gets a pony, your kid gets nothing" mine vs. yours mentality. So she'll find herself stuck with not-good people and sugar babies in it for her money. Which I suspect is how she prefers it, since she'd have the power and control in that case.

yinlin avatar
Yin Lin
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

May get downvoted but YTA. I think it’s perfectly reasonable not to buy the stepkids ponies, for now. I only say this because it was mentioned that it was for bio daughter’s birthday. HOWEVER; this woman basically said, “I don’t give a s**t that my stepkids are going to be under my care too, my daughter matters more. For everyone saying the woman should run, no. The man should run away from this selfish b***h

sheriesmith avatar
Skulls.N.Succulents
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if he uses the child support from his ex for OPs daughter too or just his kids. And what if the money was money from OPs daughters father? Would he still expect his kids to get a share of what is clearly not their money? Nothing in life is truly fair or equal if all he looks at is price tags and even if they spent the money on the kids equally it wouldn't be fair to OPs daughter. If they bought all of them a pony and his kids see it as a responsibility they don't want instead of an amazing gift like OPs daughter that wouldn't be fair to his kids. If they bought all of them the same car and one of them wanted a truck that was cheaper! Giving them all the same amount of money for college if they chose different schools, majors and plans isn't fair!!!

delafields avatar
Dela Fields
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His willingness to sign a prenup shows he's not just after her money. In the case of a divorce he would not be entitled to any inherited assets/money. He should run for the hills. Expecting children in a blended family to grow up in the same house while not being treated equally is ridiculous. Sending only her child to private schools & providing only her child with large purchases like a pony or a car is ridiculous. I received some life ins money when my father died & any money spent was for the benefit and betterment of our blended FAMILY. I would have never considered treating children differently. The grandfather clearly didn't leave the money in trusts with specific stipulations so it's use is at the discretion of the OP so her excuses as to "I'm using it for myself & my daughter only b/c it's what her grandpa wanted" is laughable she is playing favorites and the OP should not be anyone's stepmother.

aznyheim avatar
Annie Persson
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no problem with saving the inherintance for your own kid only. But for the love of humanity, DO treat all the children in the household the same while they are growing up together! I was the child whos step sisters got riding lesson and piano lessons and room redecoratings etc., while I delivered newspapers in the morning before school all through high school, six days a week to pay for school books and clothes and so on. Sure, I get it, their dad was rich and could afford it for them,

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Mimi M
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, I'm going to be the lone optimist here. I think the fact that they are not (for now) ruling out an ongoing relationship without marriage, gives me hope that the connection might continue, without marriage making it more complicated.

johannazamora_1 avatar
Pyla
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The people that make this garbage up is almost as astonishing as Bored panda publishing it. She needs an atty. The person knows you can't just put assets in a child's name without some additional legal work involved. This is the last AITA I will comment on, the rest, for good or bad, are downvoted and unclicked. You can shove your ad revenue up your bunghole.

anne-karina avatar
Anne
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think she had attorneys and estate planners - you can't really set this all up by yourself. She wrote there were special funds with rules set up.

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JayWantsACat
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP isn't buying her daughter a pony nor setting up a trust fund, her grandfather is. It sucks for the other kids but this has nothing to do with them. If they can't understand that it's not OP fault. It seems like he was coming from a decent place about this, just thinking of his children, but he has no right to any of that money even if it weren't an inheritance. Life isn't fair, suck it up.

razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jay. Periodically, there are stories on BoredPanda about children from blended families who were shamelessly treated less well than their step siblings. Such stories also exist in day to day life. Hell, such stories go into folk literature such as Cinderella. Most of us, when we hear about stepchildren who are shamelessly treated as second class people in their own homes, think that’s a bad thing. But I appreciate that, when you take your own kids to see a Cinderella, may want to leave at the halfway point and explain that the wicked stepmother was the hero of the story.

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Joshua David
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you date within your class. I don't mean it rude. This is why fairytale endings don't often happen because most people who date withing thier own class, won't have issues understanding this and will arrive and possibly depart as they arrived.

mrob avatar
Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

HE was dating BELOW his class ( money does not make class). You and others still believe in a caste system. I was raised with money, I married for love and although we were broke as fck, I would not change it for the world (40+ yrs).

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Scott Rackley
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good grief. He showed you exactly who he is and you're still in a relationship. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

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The Starsong Princess
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t worry about him leaving you. He won’t because then he’d have to pay rent for himself and his kids.

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Dingooo
Community Member
6 months ago

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I don't understand why a financially well off woman thinks she needs a man around especially one with the baggage of children. I think the guy is a gold digger.

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Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
6 months ago

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The guy was marrying for money, not love. If the genders were switched, he'd be called a gold digger. Pre nuptial arrangements are a thing. So are trusts like the OP. If you need the money to be happy, you need to find someone else.

razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if the story was told from the perspective of the stepchildren, about how their stepmother bought a pony for her own daughter but told them they weren’t allowed to have things as nice as her own child, you’d be OK with that? Call me a cynic, but there’s a reason why most fairy tales don’t end with the wicked stepmother being the hero.

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razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brave call. Now reread the story from the perspective of stepchildren who are told “Meet your new stepmother. Meet your new stepsister. Your new stepsister is getting a pony. And you can go f**k yourselves in your c**t faces, you s**t peons. This may be your home but you are a second class person here.”

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