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Mom Wishes She Could Give 14YO Daughter A Reality Check After Giving Birth To A Second Child
Being a new mother is no easy task, and it’s clear that they need and deserve all the support they can get. However, sometimes their expectations can be a bit unrealistic, especially when it comes to older siblings helping out with a newborn.
In a moment of frustration, one new mom sought advice online about her 14-year-old daughter’s reluctance to lend a hand with household chores. She expressed her feelings of embarrassment and disappointment over her daughter’s behavior, particularly when she avoids her during breastfeeding. Keep reading to discover how she navigates this challenging situation.
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New mothers face numerous challenges in the early days of motherhood
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
One overwhelmed mom opened up about her struggles with a newborn and how her teenage daughter refuses to help around the house
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image source: the3e7s
Regardless of whether it’s your second or third child, nothing truly prepares parents for the challenges and changes that come with expanding the family
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
As a parent, you might think that having a child prepares you for the journey ahead. When you’re expecting your second, it feels like you’ve got things figured out. You’ve already got your diaper bag stocked with the essentials, and you know exactly how many diapers to pack for the first month.
You feel more confident because you’ve done it before. But here’s the thing: while you may be more experienced, each child is still unique, and every new baby brings its own set of challenges and surprises.
No matter how many children you have, the experience of becoming a parent is always a new and wonderful adventure. Even if you feel more prepared with the second, third, or beyond, there will always be new lessons to learn along the way.
Especially for new moms, even if you feel like you’ve got everything under control with your second child, anxiety might still creep in. The pressure to be a perfect parent can be overwhelming, and you might worry about being able to juggle the needs of both your newborn and your older child.
It’s normal to feel a bit anxious, but remember that it’s okay to ask for help, take breaks, and even have moments where you don’t have it all together. The reality is, no one does.
Postpartum depression is more common than many people realize. According to research, it affects a significant number of women after childbirth, regardless of whether it’s their first or subsequent child.
Even if you felt perfectly fine after your first, you may still experience changes in mood or emotional struggles during your second postpartum period. Your body has gone through a lot of changes again, and it’s important to acknowledge that those feelings are valid.
The firstborn needs attention and guidance to navigate their emotions when a new sibling arrives
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
But here’s the thing: it’s not just the new baby who might need extra care and attention. The first child also goes through emotional changes when a new sibling is introduced into the family.
While they might feel excited about the new arrival, they could also experience feelings of sadness, confusion, or jealousy. They might struggle with the idea of sharing attention, love, and time that they used to have all to themselves. It’s important to validate those feelings and help them navigate through this transition.
As a parent, it’s crucial to recognize that the first child might be feeling a little unsure about their new role. They could perceive that the love and attention they once received is now being divided, and they might not be sure how to handle that.
It’s normal for children to feel a bit conflicted about the arrival of a sibling, and their emotional well-being is just as important as the baby’s. By acknowledging their feelings, you can help them feel heard and loved, ensuring they don’t feel left out or neglected during this time of change.
While it’s wonderful to get your older child involved in helping with the new baby, it’s important to strike a balance. Asking your first child to help in small ways can make them feel included and important, but don’t expect them to take on too much responsibility. They’re still a child and shouldn’t be burdened with tasks they’re not emotionally ready for.
In this particular incident, the mom expected her teen daughter to help more than she was emotionally prepared for, without taking into account how the older child was feeling. It’s a reminder that even as parents, we must remember that communication is key to helping our children adapt. What are your thoughts on balancing responsibilities with the first child during this transitional period? Have you had similar experiences? Share your thoughts below!
Many online felt the author had unrealistic expectations and should prioritize helping her 14-year-old adjust to the new baby
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What do you think ?
afia kooma 10 months ago
This mother failed to mature her own 14 year old, and now that they need it, Mother sulks instead. Wonder where 14 Year old gets it from..
Susie Elle 10 months ago (edited)
I believe a talk is to be had, especialle since 14YO seems to be having a hard time adjusting to a baby. Mind you, a 14YO is not an adult. You can want 'a more mature attitude', but a teenager doesn't magically know what this means. She's digging her heels in probably because she feels jealous or uncomfortable, which are valid emotions. Mom and dad need to lead by example, not suddenly start expecting things they apparently never expected before.
Bella 10 months ago
15 is old enough to help pitch in around the house. As long as she’s not expected to take care of her sibling.
Disgruntled Panda 10 months ago
Of course it's old enough, but what if she 's never been included in helping out before. All of a sudden there's a baby that needs all the attention and energy in the house (which means she's no longer getting that attention) and she has to do stuff that helps that situation continu while being of an age that can be really confusing while you're in it. Surely that would cause most teenagers in that situations to rebel
Load More Replies...
Nimitz 10 months ago (edited)
Lol, no. Deal with modern teenagers, they're all fully aware that they are responsible for every aspect of their actions, and are fully aware their parents are the ones expecting to be coddled. The mom chose to have another kid, and the 14 understands there are consequences to those choices and actions. If mom had bothered to involve the kid in the decision to expand the family, and been involved in the discussion of responsibilities, things might have been different. Instead mommy of the year decided to spawn again and heap all casual responsibilities on her first born without giving a s**t what her daughter thought. The 14yo understands that she should respect herself and that her labor shouldn't be free. If you make kids, you're on the f*****g leash to provide more than the absolute minimum. If you can't, get some goddamn birth control before you expect your kids to raise your kids.
Nimitz 10 months ago
Also, mommy dearest didn't bother to inform the public she's on husband #3, while daughter is from husband #1. Maybe, oh maybe, her daughter's a little tired of dealing with mommy's drama
Load More Replies... katiekat0214 10 months ago
Childfree older woman and retired teacher here, and let me chime in with another perspective: she's seeing up close and personal what it's really like to have a baby, and trust me, she's evaluating making that decision for herself. She's also probably jealous, having the usual teen angst about life, the universe, and everything, plus dealing with her own body, mind, and emotions, plus friends, school, and now this major life transition. Expect help from your husband, and MAKE TIME to spend with this child to help her with the transition. Don't make her feel extra or pushed out or like an inconvenience, as others have said. (And I for one sense that she's rapidly becoming childfree with all the "ick" and avoidance.)
Weasel Wise 10 months ago
It makes me sad all the people defending OP, "My parents abused me too via parentification so it MUST be okay to do the same abusive shìt to your daughter. It doesn't matter that she's a child. She should be doing more work around the house and taking on more responsibilities for her parents' choices."
Bella 10 months ago
Unless there’s something more to the story, a 15 year old was asked to go to the store one time, which is a perfectly reasonable request if it’s in walking distance. All of my kids had age appropriate chores.
Load More Replies...
Fellfromthemoon 10 months ago (edited)
Nobody mentions, but there is a good chance the 14-year-old has sleeping issues as well. It seems unlikely that her room is fully soundproof, so, the baby wakes her up too. Her parents are fully immersed with the new baby, leaving the "big kid" with much less attention. The teenager needs some time to relearn her family dynamics, and adjust, but one cannot expect her to take a big slice of chores around the baby. I guess she has to take care herself more as the parents have less energy and time with the newcomer. As time passes, the redistribution of household chores will occur naturally. (I don't imply parentification, but I beliece a 16-year-old is expected to take care more sophisticated/complex tasks than a 10-year old.)
afia kooma 10 months ago
This mother failed to mature her own 14 year old, and now that they need it, Mother sulks instead. Wonder where 14 Year old gets it from..
Susie Elle 10 months ago (edited)
I believe a talk is to be had, especialle since 14YO seems to be having a hard time adjusting to a baby. Mind you, a 14YO is not an adult. You can want 'a more mature attitude', but a teenager doesn't magically know what this means. She's digging her heels in probably because she feels jealous or uncomfortable, which are valid emotions. Mom and dad need to lead by example, not suddenly start expecting things they apparently never expected before.
Bella 10 months ago
15 is old enough to help pitch in around the house. As long as she’s not expected to take care of her sibling.
Disgruntled Panda 10 months ago
Of course it's old enough, but what if she 's never been included in helping out before. All of a sudden there's a baby that needs all the attention and energy in the house (which means she's no longer getting that attention) and she has to do stuff that helps that situation continu while being of an age that can be really confusing while you're in it. Surely that would cause most teenagers in that situations to rebel
Load More Replies... Nimitz 10 months ago (edited)
Lol, no. Deal with modern teenagers, they're all fully aware that they are responsible for every aspect of their actions, and are fully aware their parents are the ones expecting to be coddled. The mom chose to have another kid, and the 14 understands there are consequences to those choices and actions. If mom had bothered to involve the kid in the decision to expand the family, and been involved in the discussion of responsibilities, things might have been different. Instead mommy of the year decided to spawn again and heap all casual responsibilities on her first born without giving a s**t what her daughter thought. The 14yo understands that she should respect herself and that her labor shouldn't be free. If you make kids, you're on the f*****g leash to provide more than the absolute minimum. If you can't, get some goddamn birth control before you expect your kids to raise your kids.
Nimitz 10 months ago
Also, mommy dearest didn't bother to inform the public she's on husband #3, while daughter is from husband #1. Maybe, oh maybe, her daughter's a little tired of dealing with mommy's drama
Load More Replies... katiekat0214 10 months ago
Childfree older woman and retired teacher here, and let me chime in with another perspective: she's seeing up close and personal what it's really like to have a baby, and trust me, she's evaluating making that decision for herself. She's also probably jealous, having the usual teen angst about life, the universe, and everything, plus dealing with her own body, mind, and emotions, plus friends, school, and now this major life transition. Expect help from your husband, and MAKE TIME to spend with this child to help her with the transition. Don't make her feel extra or pushed out or like an inconvenience, as others have said. (And I for one sense that she's rapidly becoming childfree with all the "ick" and avoidance.)
Weasel Wise 10 months ago
It makes me sad all the people defending OP, "My parents abused me too via parentification so it MUST be okay to do the same abusive shìt to your daughter. It doesn't matter that she's a child. She should be doing more work around the house and taking on more responsibilities for her parents' choices."
Bella 10 months ago
Unless there’s something more to the story, a 15 year old was asked to go to the store one time, which is a perfectly reasonable request if it’s in walking distance. All of my kids had age appropriate chores.
Load More Replies... Fellfromthemoon 10 months ago (edited)
Nobody mentions, but there is a good chance the 14-year-old has sleeping issues as well. It seems unlikely that her room is fully soundproof, so, the baby wakes her up too. Her parents are fully immersed with the new baby, leaving the "big kid" with much less attention. The teenager needs some time to relearn her family dynamics, and adjust, but one cannot expect her to take a big slice of chores around the baby. I guess she has to take care herself more as the parents have less energy and time with the newcomer. As time passes, the redistribution of household chores will occur naturally. (I don't imply parentification, but I beliece a 16-year-old is expected to take care more sophisticated/complex tasks than a 10-year old.)
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