55 Times MILs Made Weddings Miserable For Everyone: “I’m Rethinking My Wedding”

My one-year wedding anniversary is coming up soon, and I’ve been reminiscing about how Mother Nature said “not today” when my MIL tried to get to my wedding venue before we did.

As we were wrapping up all our wedding planning, my MIL casually mentioned over FaceTime that she planned to arrive at the location of our wedding (a 12-hour drive for her) one day before me.

Two weeks before the wedding, she proceeded to torment me with frequent texts and calls—making pointless last-minute changes to our wedding playlist, demanding that we “needed to get married outside on the balcony” in January, and generally overstimulating me. I’m an event planner in the wild, and my goal was to have pencils down on all items the week before the wedding to avoid stress. I had already intentionally finished planning everything to my liking, so this was really unnecessary and obnoxious.

Needless to say, I was very wary of her arriving at the venue before I did and trying to bulldoze me, so I spent the entire week leading up to the wedding planning the full room setup with the wedding coordinator. We kept the ceremony indoors due to the frigid weather. I picked where the tables, DJ booth, cake station, etc. would go in the floor plan. My wedding coordinator did a great job prepping everything before I even stepped foot in the door.

On the Wednesday morning before our Saturday wedding, my MIL and step-FIL began their 12-hour drive from a southern state up to our northern state. Alas, a freak winter storm stopped them in their tracks. They barely made it out of their state before pulling off to stop at a hotel for the night while 6–8 inches of snow fell. I got a real chuckle out of it.

The next day, we headed to our wedding venue and beat my MIL there by several hours. Everything was perfect. I dropped off some decor and headed to our Airbnb. Later, I got a text from the wedding coordinator letting me know that my MIL had arrived and was acting super dramatic and complaining about the entire setup. She had also brought SIX boxes of her own decor that she wanted to start “decorating” with. They explained that the bride had set the room this way and that they were working to make me happy—not her.

Sometimes you just have to be thankful for a little bit of snow.

NewBet7377 , Harrison Haines/Pexels Report

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Upstaged75

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I thought this story was going to be very different based on the title! 😂 I was imagining the MIL driving a bulldozer at the wedding venue in an attempt to destroy it.

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In my last post I explained that my nan was a happy housewife, and she pushed that lifestyle onto her daughters. Mum went the opposite way, telling me that I should put my career over all else. Nan was always arguing with one of her kids when they were adults, including my mum, but mum still allowed nan to babysit me and we became very close before she passed away. I'm getting married, and I want to wear nan's dress, which was originally worn by her in the late 60s, was restored in the mid 90s, and was preserved and still in good condition today. When I told mum she became upset and angry, saying I couldn't use nan's dress as I look too much like nan already and the dress would add to that, and began sending me other dress ideas and offered to pay for a new one, all of which I rejected.

The dress was being stored at nan's house. My grandfather was looking after it and he was the one who offered me the dress in the first place. It was up in his attic and was very carefully stored.

3 days ago, mum went to grandad's house, saying that I'd tasked her with picking up the dress. Grandad let her in. She then left without the dress. Grandad realised she'd forgotten the dress after she left, went up to the attic, and found it covered in black stains. He called me.

I think it's ink. The dress is made with lace so I've been hand washing it as carefully as I can but it's not coming out. Grandad says it's fine, and it's just a dress, but he's clearly upset over this. I've spoken to mum, once, and she completely ignored my questions about the dress, only offering to buy me a new dress, and refusing to talk about nan's dress, aside from saying it wouldn't have suited me, anyway. Presumably because it would have made me look like nan.

I am at my wit's end with her, and I just can't believe she would do this. I get she and nan had issues, but her issues with nan were not my issues with nan, but she's letting that shape my relationship with her. This was just so unnecessarily petty and spiteful. I don't even know what to say to her any more.

I don't know what to say past this. I'm just furious.

anon , Gustavo Santana/Pexels Report

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CaliPanda

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Time to rescind the wedding invitation and go no-contact.

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I’m getting married soon and my MIL said she refuses to come to the wedding if her ex-husband (my fiancé’s dad) and his wife are invited. She’s not just bowing out quietly either, she’s threatening to sabotage the wedding if he comes by threatening to call all the invitees from her side of the family and make them boycott the wedding.

We’ve booked a beautiful 5,000+ sq ft venue for 150 guests. But now, it’s starting to feel like the day might be full of tension and drama, or worse, half empty.

My fiancé is fully on my side and knows his mom is being selfish. He’s even said she’s a narcissist, and he’s trying hard to shield me from the stress, but it still hurts.

Now we’re looking at a guest list that’s potentially cut in half, a massive venue that might feel too empty, and the emotional gut-punch of people choosing sides over something that should be about love and unity and more importantly, US!

I’m heartbroken. We don’t want to uninvite his dad just to appease her, but I’m also not sure how to emotionally navigate all this, or how to make the day still feel joyful and full.

TL;DR: MIL is threatening to sabotage our wedding if her ex (my fiancé’s dad) comes. She’s trying to get her whole side of the family to boycott. Now half our guest list might not show up, and I’m heartbroken that our wedding might be filled with tension and empty seats instead of love and support.

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And you know what? I’m just gonna sit back and let it happen. Mainly because she’s so stubborn, and I doubt she would cooperate if I were to ask her nicely to wear something else. However, the women in my family are all very catty/gossipy. There will be lots of stares, whispers, pointing, and “Oh my gosh, do you believe what MIL is wearing?” She’ll be shamed , and I won’t have to play the “Evil DIL” card. We’re having barbecue food, so I’m hoping she ends up spilling. Last but not least, I plan on paying the photographer extra to photoshop the color of her dress.

Less than 2.5 months to go.

BearTheFunGhoul , 🇻🇳🇻🇳Nguyễn Tiến Thịnh 🇻🇳🇻🇳/Pexels Report

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Louise

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A strategic spill of red wine may be of use.

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To recap, my sister was set to get married back in April, which was obviously cancelled. A little while ago, she and her fiancee had a COVID safe wedding last weekend. We planned on having 10 people including brides and the officiant, social distancing was observed, we all wore masks when possible, so on so forth.

My mother has a history of making events about herself, for example:

she showed up 15 minutes late to my high school graduation

didn't show up at all to either of my sister's graduations

decided she didn't like my major so refused to go to my college graduation, hid my sister's car keys so she couldn't go either. Then 17-year-old sister ended up catching public transport for several hours ALONE because she didn't want to disappoint me.

turned up halfway through my wedding ceremony in sweatpants just to make a scene that we didn't tell her the right time (we did)

wanted to be the first to hold my kids. Uh no.

So we kind of knew she would pull something at my sister's wedding, especially considering she had made some pretty homophobic comments about the relationship before. We don't know our dad, and because of COVID there wasn't really a bridal party, so I ended up as the father of the bride, brother of the bride and MOH rolled into one. One of my jobs was keep our mother in check

The night before, my wife and kids stayed at my mother's house, while I stayed with my sister. The plan was that Wife would drive our kids and my mother, since Mother can't drive. The morning of the wedding, my wife sent me a photo of what my mother planned on wearing. Not only was it white, but it was VERY similar to my sister's wedding dress. Wife had suggested she wear something else, but apparently this was the only nice thing she owned. She also locked the bedroom door so Wife couldn't go find her something.

When Wife told me this, I told her to tell Mother that there was a change of plans and that we would pick her up in the nicer car I was driving my sister in so she could make a grand entrance with us. She obviously agreed, so didn't see an issue when my wife and kids left on their own at the original time. As the title suggests, my sister and I never picked her up.

I told my sister what was happening during the drive to the ceremony, and she wasn't at all shocked with what our mother had done. She did suggest that we call her before the ceremony began, so that I could run down and pick her up if she saw the error of her ways. She never answered the phone, and never called any of us, so we just got on with.

Obviously, Mother is livid, but hey, we all had a great time. I know a lot of people have seen this as cruel, but thought that some of you might find it useful or an enjoyable read. Don't let anybody ruin your wedding.

sstrswddng , Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels Report

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Me (27F) and my fiance (44M) are trying to plan our wedding. We met over FaceTime with his mom (79F) about mother of the groom dresses and how she will be transported to the venue as she uses an electric scooter.

That very quickly got derailed, she said she wanted to wear a WEDDING DRESS!! HERS. From her wedding back in like the 1800s. My fiance was just as horrified as I was and told her that if she shows up in a wedding dress she'd be escorted off the venue. She then went on a gigantic rant about everything we're doing wrong with our wedding.

Wrong venue, wrong state, wrong flowers, wrong colors, wrong food, everything is wrong in her eyes. So her bright idea? Plan her own wedding for us!! Doing everything we do not want at our wedding. His family is a very traditional devout Christian southern family, so imagine the scandal when we said we aren't getting married in a church.

I am Native American so I've added some of my culture to the wedding too (my jewelry, the centre pieces and rugs will be made from my family members who grew up in our reservation). Future MIL did not like that all, she said we'd have to be "classy" at our wedding. (Fiance also shut that down). She's also upset that my fiancés children will be leaving the wedding at 9pm, that was a mutual decision between fiance & his ex wife, I wasn't involved in that.

I really don't know what I've done to make her hate me this much, she loves his brothers wives, she even paid for her oldest sons wedding fully. I'm thissssssss close to just going to the courthouse and using this money to have a month long honeymoon. I'm sorry if this is kinda long 😞 any advice on how to deal with her behavior? Or do I just throw in the towel and go on a long honeymoon.

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Jo Firth

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She doesn't like you because she is racist. Go to the courthouse and have yourself a long, well earned honeymoon.

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Husband gave a wonderful speech during our wedding, thanking both sides of family, along with his grandparents who traveled from out of state. She didn’t like that the grandparents got a specific call out and she got lumped in under the family thanks. She went outside bawling her eyes out and missed most of our reception, she came back looking miserable after with swollen eyes. Even my parents asked what’s happening smh, i truly can’t believe this lady. She managed to make her son’s wedding about herself.

Strict_Associate_197 , Kindel Media/Pexels Report

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My MIL has to just about control every single thing in her sights. We’re planning to get married in august with just our parents and siblings & NOBODY else. Our siblings are all married and will be coming with their spouses. Both of our parents are divorced and do have bf/gf’s. We asked our parents to not bring their bf/gf’s as we want an intimate wedding with just our parents and not have to worry about drama. My parents and his dad completely understood and agreed. HIS MOTHER of course threw a temper tantrum and started a huge fight saying she refused. She of course like always brainwashed and manipulated my fiancé into changing his mind. Now they’re both against me. Am I wrong for just wanting this moment intimate?

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Jo Firth

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Do NOT marry this man. If he won't stand up to her about this, imagine what he'll be like with everything that follows.

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So after a long debate about our wedding, me and the man of my life decided we'll be finally getting married after 9 years together. Of course we're getting married because we're very much in love, but we made the decision to do it till the end of the year, because it will be financially smart for us as we're going to get a much better tax return. For that reason we're not going to throw a wedding party this year, we will only sign the papers, and after a few months we'll throw a proper party with family and friends on a nice place, with me on a wedding dress, wedding cake, music and all.

We told our closest family about it, and although we haven't set the date for next year yet, we told them the month we're planning to do it.

When we told my MIL and FIL about it she was all like "you know we don't have money to go to weddings, we can't afford it", and of course we told them it was ok, we would be paying for our own wedding, and they wouldn't have to spend money in presents or give us money as a wedding gift.

A couple of weeks went by, and me and hubby went to the civil registry and set our wedding date (the legal one), and casually told my MIL about it. You won't believe what she told us...."I have news too, me and FIL never got a wedding party, we only signed the papers at the local civil registry, so we decided we should have a real wedding and we went to the curch and set a date, we're getting married on (and she told us the date)"

Guess what? She knew the month we we're planning our wedding party, and she chose that exactly same month, it's not even the same month they got legally merried, not even a special date for them, there's nothing special about that date for them, except for the fact that we're planning our wedding that exact same month!

I'm infuriated. And also, she made sure to warn us about how they couldn't help us with the wedding or even pay for themselfs and now out of the blue you have money to throw an all wedding? (I know for a fact they don't have the money for it, they're just gonna get into more debt, but still...)

4in4t92 , Thirdman/Pexels Report

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My mother-in-law hates the idea of our wedding and indirectly threatens to kick us out

I’m in a relationship with my girlfriend and we currently live at her mother’s house because we’re in a difficult financial situation. We’ve been staying there for free for a while, so obviously we try to avoid conflict and stay discreet.

The problem is: we want to get married.

Every time the subject comes up, her mother becomes extremely aggressive. Today my girlfriend tried to call her calmly to talk about it, and her mother answered:

“You’re pissing me off with your wedding. I’m not coming. You’ll find a place to live once you’re married.”

So basically:

- she completely rejects the wedding,

- she verbally humiliates us,

- and she clearly implies that once we’re married, she’ll want us out.

The worst part is that my girlfriend has been emotionally mistreated by her family for a long time, so this isn’t just “a stressed mother.” There’s a real psychological control dynamic behind it. On my side, I also come from a complicated and homophobic family, so we feel like we have absolutely no support.

I think what hurts me the most is realizing that there will probably be nobody at our wedding. No happy family, no people genuinely celebrating us, just the two of us trying to survive and build something together despite everything.

I honestly don’t even know how to announce or organize this wedding anymore without starting a war at home.

Mente_captus , Ron Lach/Pexels Report

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My fiancé and I were originally planning our wedding for August of 2026, his mom offered to pay a good chunk of it. However, that made her believe that gave her control of the entire thing. She said we weren’t allowed to have the photographer we wanted because she wanted her friend to photograph the wedding, made us change the room we picked at the venue, and just refused to let us plan our own wedding. So, we decided to just cancel it and do something we could pay for ourselves.

So, our new plan is to get have a small ceremony this May and have our reception next year, after we’ve saved up the money. We want just parents and grandparents, and my aunt that helped raise me at the ceremony, as we want a private and intimate ceremony. She is now saying if my aunt is there, we HAVE to have her sisters there. Which, will make the ceremony bigger than we want. My aunt will be there because she helped with raising me.

She has, without our knowledge, told her sisters that I don’t want them at the ceremony and that i’m making my fiancé not invite them.

She has made the wedding just, a nightmare. We have confronted her, but she will try to make it seem like we are the ones in the wrong.

Longjumping-State196 , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

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I don’t know what I did ever to my mother in law to deserve such poor treatment and disrespect from her but I would like peoples opinions on what happened. I got married one week ago and honestly haven’t spent much time around my future mother in law in the last 6 years I’ve been with her son. She came off somewhat cold to me when I first met her but my then fiancé told me that was her personality. Shes never been downright rude or mean until my wedding day. For starters my mom was walking behind her and my husband as they walked down the aisle and my mom overheard my future MIL tell my husband that it wasn’t too late to run. I didn’t find this out until after the wedding was over but think this is pretty disrespectful given I spent a year and half planning this wedding and we’re very committed to eachother. But the absolute atrocity is when we were cutting cut. My husband and I had an intimate cake cutting session with just maids of honor/best men and parents/grandparents. Our cake cutting was very sweet and intimate with us feeding eachother cake. After we fed eachother cake, I turned around to look at the photographer and it all happened very fast but my MIL grabbed cake (with her bare hands probably I didnt even see) and smashed it into my face and said “you're supposed to do it like this”. I paid a lot for my hair and makeup and honestly hate cake smashing in general (I didn’t grow up in a cake face smashing family).

I freaked out and my photographer told me she had never seen anything like this happen before. I will say my reaction didn’t hide my feelings/anger. The next day I got a somewhat half apology, but I think it’s because of my reaction. A day later she posted a TikTok with around 10 pictures from our wedding with no pictures including me at all. You might ask what my husband thinks of all of this, well I told him the night it happened that I wanted an apology and I technically did get one for the cake thing so that’s settled in his eyes. He’s a no confrontational person and doesn’t like drama so he pretty much stays out of everything/has no comment. I guess I would like to know what y’all would do in this situation. At this point I never want to see/speak to the woman again, so am I being too harsh?

Majestic-Giraffe98 , Hebert Santos/Pexels Report

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Title says it all my husband is the oldest and was the first sibling to get married. Every time our anniversary nears I remember during the wedding planning my MIL came up to me and asked me to ask the preacher if he could do a vow renewal ceremony after or during the wedding. When I said it wasn't a good idea she suggest my dad and step mom renew their vows as well so it would be fair. I simply ignored the request and eventually my MIL dropped it but kept talking about doing a separate vow renewal ceremony after we got married. That ceremony never happened. I even asked my SIL if my MIL requested the same thing when she got married last summer and she looked at me like I had two heads.

I'm sure MIL got excited about wedding and she felt somewhat let down about her wedding since it was hurried along (technically my husband was at his parents wedding but not in any photographs) but I'm still baffled that she would even request that from me. I'm wondering if this is a common request. I know the story isn't as crazy as other MILs during weddings I've heard stories of other MILs wearing wedding dresses or white. I'm just glad my husband isn't her favorite child because she pretty much just ignores us these days.

anon , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

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So a bit of context: I’m trans ftm and my family is homophobic and transphobic minus like three people.

My fiancé (20M) and I (also 20M) are planning our wedding for next year. We plan on May 28th, but may change it depending on weather, as we want an outdoor wedding.

My narcissistic mother who is very transphobic and homophobic has been openly voicing her opinions on my wedding (as well as my transitioning and a few other things) such as the cake, color scheme, etc

My FMIL is great. We get along perfect and I can’t wait to be a member of his family.

Recently my mothers main thing to nitpick about is what type of dress I’ll be wearing. I said I wasn’t going wear one, and that made her angry. She said that someone has to wear the dress, and it should be me.

I told her no. Since then she has been passively aggressively sending me Pinterest pics of wedding gowns that are white/off white. To note, our color scheme is black and red. She knows this as well.

She is now saying she “will be buying me a wedding dress (how I don’t know as she has no money) and I have to wear it as I’m the bride.”

This is after a major fiasco about me refusing to celebrate my birthday with her side of the family after how my brother and her acted last year. She just randomly contacted me out of nowhere.

I have told my brother (her golden child man baby) to reign her in because I won’t be wearing a dress to appease her transphobia and he told me that “one day in a dress won’t end you and to get over it.” (He’s also transphobic and homophobic)

I am half tempted to cut them both out of the wedding, but I know that will cause hell to break lose as everyone in my family loves my brother for “following his dreams” and “being a strong army soldier” and feeds into my mothers nonsense because “she’s mentally unstable and I need to stop being so hard on her” and “giving in is so much more easier than hearing her complain all the time.”

I don’t know what I should do, as I don’t want her to make a scene at my wedding, but I also don’t want my family not attending because I uninvited them both.

Also, fiancé has told them to stop multiple times as I have autism and they upset me to the point of stimming uncontrollably.

He says he will stand by my decision to cut them out and help me through the backlash from my family, but it’s ultimately my decision.

anon , Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels Report

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Hi everybody, SO and I got married 12 days ago. Yeeey! It was the most perfect day of my life and exactly how we wanted it. Everyone had loads of fun.... Except my MIL and GMIL. They complained the food was bad (everyone else loved it), the music was too loud, there were not enough sweets, my dress was too long and people will step on it... The most ridiculous complaints really. They didn't meet many people and looked down right miserable the whole time. My MIL was shocked her own son would ignore her at the wedding (due to her sulking). He decided she deserved no attention due to her behaviour. Unlike them, FIL was the life of the party and we were very thankful for him. After our wedding, we gave my inlaws all the left overs and said we will come to lunch the next day. When we came, they were complaining some more and my MIL was stand offish the entire time. I haven't payed much attention to her. THEN... She posted the famous quote on her Facebook: "A mother is a son's first true love. A son is a mother's last true love." My thoughts were: "whatever, she is spiraling". But, there is more. The day after that she posted 6 photos of our wedding. On 5 of the photos, there were pictures of inlaws. The 6th photo was of my husband alone. I didn't need to comment on anything, cause my husband left her a comment: "It looks like I married myself. What a nice message you are sending to my wife and the family I created." She deleted his photo and is now crying every day, playing the victim. I see this as our small victory.

Standard_Minute_8885 , Darya Sannikova/Pexels Report

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Hey friends, long time listener here. I need advice ASAP. My justnomil has been causing a lot of issues surrounding our special day and tomorrow I am going to call her but before that I need some advice.

For backstory, she has always been a touch controlling and emotionally manipulative but it’s always been manageable for the most part, until these last couple months pre-2nd wedding (covid wedding). To add to the loss of control, I landed a job 1,400 miles away and my wife is moving down the week following the wedding. My wife moved in with her mom to help ease the pain of her leaving because her mom did not take it well (I cautioned her against this).

Since then she’s been berating my wife about all sorts of things that she doesn’t feel are going her way. For example she’s frustrated that my mom gets to share a dance with me and she gets “nothing”. We didn’t do corsages last wedding and she is still bringing that up because that’s what she wanted. We were unaware this was a big deal until she had a fit in our wedding day. She’s coming down to see me soon and I am so excited, her mom however told her that she can’t go visit anyone else for the rest of the summer after that because “all she ever does is stay at other people’s places”. My wife is 25…. Not to mention her house is a disgusting nightmare and part of the reason my wife leaves to stay with friends or family. But that’s a topic for another time.

My wife has been walking on eggshells trying not to piss my MIL off but it just doesn’t matter. I have had it. I know this is going to result in my wife not having the day of HER dreams and that’s crushing me. Tomorrow I am going to call her and confront her. My wife knows. I need your advice on how to do it. Anyone having experience putting their foot down? Keep in mind she’s gets extremely sensitive and feels under attack at anything, so I have to find a line. I also don’t need to drive a wedge between them but I’m not going to let her ruin our night for her selfish reasons. I have sat by for way to long now.

Edit: My wife has spoken to her mom multiple times. Any suggestion my wife makes is her “attacking”, when she stays calm and presents it rationally she’s “talking to her like a child”. I think my wife is burnt out on trying to get through to her, not to mention she’s really too sweet to push back.

Also, I can’t move my wife down here a month before the wedding. She isn’t done working and we have a lot of other things to be doing for the wedding. Moving 1400 miles is not easy also planning a wedding from that distance is near impossible.

MoneysOptional , Alena Darmel/Pexels Report

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My FH proposed to me back in 2020 and ever since the start, his mom has said he's done everything wrong by not asking her for permission before proposing to me. She thinks she has the right to decide when he can get married even though we're both 24 already. She still thinks we are too young and unprepared. She has constantly argued with my FH trying to convince him to ask me to cancel the wedding. We were planning to get married this year in April, to which she requested we postponed the date until later on because we weren't ready. Well, we did end up postponing it, not because she said so, but only so we could have more money saved. Our wedding is now in November but with a ceremony only and no reception due to these family conflicts. We also decided we just wanted to keep things simple and are content with that.

She came to my house today to speak with myself, FH, and my parents. She explained how she is hurt about how everything has gone and that we are not ready and shouldn't get married until another 2 years. Her excuses were she's worried we'll suffer financially, so I explained how we both make enough to rent an apartment and live comfortably. The next excuse was she doesn't think my FH is responsible for not always cleaning his room. None of us are perfect. I don't sometimes too but we are not lazy or dirty people. He is a hard worker and not irresponsible at all. The whole time, she just kept explaining how she felt and how she wanted everything to be..

"I am so hurt by all this. I want you guys to understand how upset I feel that you guys did everything wrong."

"I want you guys to wait to have a nice, big wedding that we can all plan together. I don't like the venue you guys have picked out."

"I want you guys to wait 2 years so you can both be more prepared."

"I want to help pick your dress with you, your tablecloths, etc."

I want this, I want that. Hello?? WE are the ones getting married, not her. She said this is "good advice" for our own good. But it's not "advice", it's a command. She said she would love to support us but that she only will if we wait the 2 years. She said if we continue the plans for November that she will not even attend and probably not speak to us again either. FH is upset with her unsupportive behavior and says he gets tired of being yelled at every day by her. I am hurt by this all too. She makes everything about herself and tried to guilt-trip FH for "hurting her" in order to have things go her way. My parents explained to her that those are not her choices to make, but she believes it's disrespectful for my FH to go against her and that she "only means well for us" by doing this. I am so tired of it. I can tell the future will be hard for FH and I.

sadrosegirlx , Milan/Pexels Report

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So My DH and I got married last year the day before Halloween. My mom paid for the whole thing herself. It was a free church venue but mom paid for the cake, food and decor herself. I recently was speaking with one of my brides maids about how crazy QBR has been acting about our incoming LO. My friend tells me she isnt surprised due to how she acted at our wedding. I honestly didnt pay much attention to QBR at the reception because I was upset how nobody I invited came or even bothered to tell me they werent. So this is the following I learned she did at the reception.

She got in the way of photos and our livestream for friends so it had to be cut off altogether.

She wailed her head off and made some back handed comments to guests during the vows etc.

During the after party she was snooping on conversations trying to include herself.

Claimed she "Helped" with the wedding and that her "Gift" was giving me her son.

According to my friend She was complaining about my cloak and Black dress

Wanted all eyes on her and started acting like the host

Whining because BIL and SIL didnt come.

Complained about the cake design and that it wasnt "Diabetic" so she couldnt eat it.

I honestly had no idea any of this happened and it would explain why people were acting so weird with us after the reception. Bridesmaid friend didnt want to tell me then because she knew I was already upset and humiliated after inviting about 70-80ppl and only 10 (including our parents) showed up. It just makes me think that when LO comes this is all going to get so much worse considering how she has been acting lately about it. I have the feeling im gonna be hearing "Grandparents rights" an awful lot..

anon , Jules/Pexels Report

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She says she’s not going unless the WHOLE family comes to our 10-15 people wedding. Even demanded that we uninvite our friends to it in favor of HER guests. So, fiancé & I decided she is not coming. Problem solved. He told her to apologize to me for inviting people we didn’t want and she said no. So, she’s not coming and the wedding is going to be drama free. We’re also going to figure out the privacy settings on the Knot.com so she doesn’t just send people anyway. We are considering security as well. It sounds so dramatic, but she’s off the deep end. I sincerely appreciate you all, and fiancé and I will almost definitely need advice again at some point on here. Whew! I’m treating myself to a new candle today after that LOL

Please help. We just reserved a venue in my home state. We’re now getting texts from his family asking for the address of the reception because his mom already told them ALL the details and invited them when we told her NO. I’m furious. We told her 10-15 people and the guest list was already set, and that we’re doing a second reception n his home state for the extended family who can’t make this one. Our guest list was my parents, 2 of my friends, 3 of his friends, and his mother, and a few more. We’re going to have to cancel the wedding. She’s invited at least 15 people. This is our dream venue and pool party reception that cannot accommodate this many people due to building code and safety. She’s ruined our wedding before it’s even finished being planned. Excuse any typos. I’m shaking and trying not to drive 13 hours to see my family because I don’t want to be around his family right now. He doesn’t know this is happening yet because he’s sleeping and works at 5AM.

Torii_Explores , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

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My fiancé and his mom have not spoken for 4 months since her blowup after we got engaged. Feel free to read that saga in my history. Honestly, it’s been amazing. We’ve been happily wedding planning and just enjoying each other without the negativity and dread my MIL brings.

We are planning to send out Save the Dates and invitations soon and received some advice to try to at least notify MIL of our plans before the communications go out in consideration of her status as MOG. She doesn’t know anything about our wedding: that we are having one, when or where it’ll be.

My fiancé has been dreading contacting his mom. For the last few months, he felt the difference of not having her in his life and loved it. So, talking to her and ruining that high has been really hard for him. We want to be able to say that we notified her “before non-family” and “tried inviting her.” Whether or not she decides to attend our wedding is a whole other matter (it would be easier for everyone if she didn’t).

Well…we tried calling her…3x. First time she hung up during the ring…2nd time right after the 1st attempt she let it go to voicemail. My fiancé left her a text that he wanted to tell her about our wedding. A few days later we tried calling a 3rd time…and realized she blocked us.

That’s it. We are still going to send her the Save the Date and invite but she’s basically being written off in our plans now.

We’ve heard that she’s been going around telling anyone who will listen that she “doesn’t have a son anymore” and that she is making moves to remove my fiancé from her will. She has a few joint bank accounts with my fiancé that he wants out of cause he’s been paying taxes on the interest of her funds. He canceled the credit card he gave her. The last thing would be selling the condo he has been paying for her to live in 6month of the year.

I just can’t wait until we are finally separated from her in all ways.

tobemeeandfree , Roberto Hund/Pexels Report

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I used to hear stories about difficult mothers-in-law who want to decide everything for their sons. Back then, those stories never bothered me because my fiancé didn’t seem like someone who would let his mother ruin his relationship. Everything was going smoothly at first. When I met his mom, she didn’t give off the evil stepmom vibe. We talked about my fiancé as a child, laughed about silly things, and I honestly felt relieved.

But my panic started when I found out she usually handles everything about her children’s weddings. I’ve always had a clear picture of what my wedding would look like, but now she wants to control it her own way. She wants me to wear her wedding gown. I mean… where does that even happen in this time? I’ve always dreamed of a custom gown that actually feels like me.

Then she went ahead and picked the bridesmaids’ dresses herself, ordering them online from Alibaba, including two African bridesmaid dresses for my wedding. I was shocked. They looked beautiful, yes, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was slowly being erased from my own day.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I’m deeply frustrated. I smile around her, so she thinks everything is fine, and that makes it even harder to speak up. I don’t want to be seen as the evil daughter-in-law, but I also don’t want to disappear in my own wedding.

What would you do?

Dapper_Concert5856 Report

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I truly don’t know how people navigate wedding planning with parents who want a say in everything, but especially MILs who seem intent on disrupting the guest list and tripling your work load.

I (25F) have taken on most of the wedding planning for my fiance (27M) and I because i’m type A and want everything done a certain way, so naturally all wedding concerns from MIL tend to come to me. the part that gets me though is my MIL is treating it as a family reunion and her own personal party rather than her son’s wedding. at the end of the day, she is not financially contributing to the wedding at all, so the fact that she’s expecting as much as she is and having high expectations without actually doing any work is incredibly bothersome. there have been a few instances recently that have caused me to feel a lot of hurt and frustration with her, and my fiance has had my back through it all. but to name a few:

- MIL gave me the wrong addresses for family and then accused me of cutting her guest list without telling her. i had to pay for extra invites and stamps to resend the invitation to the correct addresses

- MIL failed to inform me that she had a family on her guest list who’s eldest daughter was invited but not the youngest daughter (said the younger daughter was too young to come to these events, but she is a high school senior, and her sister is only 2 years older)

-MIL did not attempt to help prep anything for the bridal shower, just showed up after all the work was done and took credit for being a co host (she financially contributed to that, but less than what she’d offered to)

- MIL delivered a speech at my bridal shower and did not say one nice thing about me, just boosted up her other future daughter in law (who is not engaged yet, but had nice things said about her while i didn’t even get a mention in the speech)

- MIL left said bridal shower without so much as a goodbye to me (they live hours away so i won’t see them for another month or two), and didn’t even send a text to say goodbye or thank you, just relayed it through a family member

- MIL added 4 people to the guest list because she wants to include her cousins’ boyfriends, even though it is very recent and we get married in only a couple months now. she has had a year to iron out her guest list but now it’s my problem apparently.

my fiance and i have drawn a line now where no further changes will be welcomed because we are over capacity and having to pay for these people and do all the work ourselves. i’m just annoyed that she’s been making tons of extra work for me to try to appease her family (i’m a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no even when i know i’m being taken advantage of). my fiance is firm on “no more add ons” but his mom just doesn’t seem to get that this is our money she is spending and we have 100 other things to do than just worry about plus ones for people we barely know. just had to get it off my chest! if i’m overreacting or if you have any advice, it is welcome, thank you.

Feisty-Leek-3096 Report

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So I’m getting married in September next year (yay!), and MIL has already asked THREE times what my dress is going to look like, so she can “go accordingly”. My fiancé replied (all three times) “you can wear whatever you want BUT WHITE/CREAM/CLEAR PASTELS, of course”. What I didn’t like was that she didn’t say something like “oooh, no, no way, I would never wear white”… but she just stayed quiet. She insisted on the need to know what I will look like, her son kept on saying now white… and I, to make it less akward said “I understand you mean you need to know if I will be very elegant and classy or more relaxed, so you don’t wear sequins and feathers if I am more casual, don’t you? You would never wear white, of course”. She said yes. But has repeated it more times and it never came out of her - saying no to wearing white.

Of course, it is my wedding, I want and am going to look fabulous. But I have a feeling that she has a hidden agenda.

My mom says to let her do whatever she wants and that, if she ends up wearing white, everybody will point at her. I thought of, the next time she says something, telling her “as long as you don’t wear whitish colors, wear a night outfit and feel pretty, that will be fine, but I will not be able to tell you exactly what I will look like”. But… it freaks me out a little.

Any thoughts? Thank you all.

louisetta Report

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So my Mil is Barely Used. She thinks in old school ways of matriarchal rule, but that's not how I grew up nor will I raise my children to do.

Its been a while since I've posted. Well I didn't talk to Mil for a year again after she was upset of myself and now husbands engagement. I was civil with her and was polite six months and on before the wedding. MIL obsessed about herself and how she looked,complained of money they spent (they didnt pay a dime towards the wedding besides BILs suit) not once asking what my dress looked like, or any details unless it involved them.

The week before the wedding MIL threatened to not come because husband did not want to do a mother son dance. (She knew this for a year) His family tried to say it would look bad and make him look bad for not doing it. He stood his ground and said it was his wedding and he didn't have a good relationship with her so it would be fake anyway.

I called MIL out when she told me she would still come after hanging up the phone on husband. Unfortunately she never apologized, I realize now I should have stated if she did want to come she had to... I know should a, would a, could a.

The day before wedding MIL had a fit because her own husband had to walk her down the aisle instead of her youngest son. Too bad, our wedding hes a groomsmen anyway wont work.

Well since the wedding, MIL thinks we hit the reset button. Every text I get has "our new daughter" in it somewhere. It makes me feel awkward and I know she is trying to guilt me. Ive been with husband for 9 years total, only been married for two months now!! So it's not like she is trying to get to know me.

MILs recent voicemail, she said this is "your other mother", besides only thinking about Coraline, it makes me want to cringe. Especially since to me, maybe not to her, it sounds like shes trying to compare or be like my own mother. Which will never happen because of mine and MILs history.

How do I tell her not to say that again, my own mother has stage four cancer. Shes doing well right now, but in time, hopefully years and years from now the cancer will eventually win. But it makes me angry to hear MIL call herself my mother, other mother, or anything like that because shes never acted like one and will never be that figure to me due to our past.

Plus MIL is thinking we will all have dinners again and talk like we did, including husband, and be the happy family we once were. We were never a happy family on that side of the relationship. She even said at the wedding "we can all be a happy normal family again" like the wedding erased everything shes ever said or done.

Just wanted to vent and know this has always been a safe place to do so. Thank you to everyone and I hope your Thanksgiving weren't completely ruined by a justno.

Soft_Koala Report

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My JNMIL is nuts, actually has a bipolar diagnosis but uses it as an excuse for saying and behaving whatever way she wants. Anyway, on my wedding day she told me that I was taking her son away from her. (Her son and I have been in a relationship for 8 years at this point, and living together for 3 years). I am in no way taking him away from her, I encourage him to visit his parents and to see them more often than he does. Honestly, imagine saying that to someone on their wedding day? What response was she expecting? I am baffled No advice needed, just wanted to vent. Thank you!

greenpepper30 Report

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A tale as old as time, I know. For background my now husband proposed to me in January of 2019. Our plan was to marry in April of 2020. Then the pandemic hit and we were canceled a month before due to shutdowns. Then after additional lockdowns and unfortunate family deaths we pushed back our wedding two years.

Now to the main story: For our wedding we had decided that we wanted our mothers to wear champagne colored dresses to give them importance. My mother found her dress a couple of months after we got engaged and was set. My MIL was a completely different story… She waited out the two years to find a dress and said she, “didn’t have enough time”. To her credit she went to over a dozen different stores but couldn’t find anything because everything made her look fat, was too tight, showed her arms, didn’t make her looks skinny (her words).

She went with her husband, my SIL(A) also took one for the team and accompanied her to many stores. Nothing. Finally a month and a half prior to the wedding she goes to a bridal shop with SIL (M). Now this SIL is the golden child and is an enabler to MIL shenanigans. They happen to find MIL the ‘perfect’ dress. They’re so excited that they share with family about how great the dress is and SIL (M) says how MIL will look better than the bride. Luckily, SIL (A) is there. She catches a picture of the dress and sees that it’s white. She voices her concern but MIL and SIL (M) insist that it’s the lighting in the shop. They say the dress isn’t white and the description in the magazine said champagne. SIL (A) texts me immediately to warn me. I of course am upset but talked down.

I then discuss with my husband and explain that if she wants to make a show of herself, I’m going to let her. He’s however irate about the situation, and won’t let it go. He decides to casually bring up the dress with his father. I overhear as his dad says, “oh yeah your mom has a great dress. She’s going to outshine the bride”. My husband loses it, and asks if he’s being serious. My FIL gets defensive and says, “this wedding isn’t just about you”.

This conversation prompts my husband to confront his mother to see the dress. He sees that it’s white and tells her she can’t wear it. She tells him that he has to see it in person to see that it’s not white. He goes with her to the bridal shop, confirms that it’s white and tells her she has to order a different color. Now I’m not present for this but according to him, she starts crying and complaining on what he wanted her to do when she has all of this…while she takes off her dress in front of him and shows him her stomach. He says he’s forever traumatized by this day. He said she can keep the dress but to order in a different color.

She ends up ordering the different color but is so angry about it that she didn’t smile once on our wedding day. All our wedding photos have her sour face. I can’t wait to get these printed and hung for her to see. I’d like to say this is the worse thing she did at our wedding but that’s a story for another day. How was your MIL on your wedding day?

just_talking_outloud Report

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She bought the dress while in vacation so... You know. Can't argue with THAT.

Oh, she went in vacation the exact time we were due with her grandbaby. My late husband's first. You could tell it bothered him. It sucked.

THEN when she returned she kissed my newborn. You know how it is.

Anyways.. I was bothered by her dress. Knew better than to say anything (or was too timid and passive at the time) but paid no attention to her and her dress and no one else did either.

My best advice for others dealing with a white dressed mil. No one will make a stink and you get your day. Don't worry. She'll just be remembered as a stupid lady wearing white for whatever reason.

secrettimez Report

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They now accepted that they can't stop us from getting married. She threatened to not show up to our wedding and she will make sure she stops all the aunts and uncles from coming to our wedding. Also she is convinced that we rushed everything to overshadow her daughter.

He explained to her that his sister used to call him secretly to fish for our wedding information and knew about our date months before she booked hers. I decided I'm not going to her wedding since its 5 weeks before mine and its a 6 hr flight on a random weekend.

I also think its funny how she changed her wedding to destination when we confirmed the city and the amount of people coming. Our wedding is a 2 hr away drive.

My fiance is a great guy but unfortunately his mom and sister have an imaginary competition that Im not part of.

I want to make it clear I'm actually happy she wont come to my wedding lol. less drama to deal with. I just feel bad for my fiance.

Pinkberry-1995 Report

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My MIL has never been a "just no" - overbearing at times to be sure, but never crazy, or so i thought...

background context if it helps: she and her husband (FIL) are extremely religious and conservative; this hasn't specifically come up between us, but there is definitely friction (at least in my very leftist mind). my husband is also her first son, and she has no daughters, so she might just be way too excited about his wedding.

my husband told his mom that she can choose the song for their mother-son dance at our wedding (this is fine, i did the same with my dad). she decided to rewrite the lyrics to "how sweet it is to be loved by you," to make it less of a romance song and more specific to their relationship. i'll be honest, the lyrics weren't the complete worst, but definitely super cheesy and cringey. i immediately thought it was weird that she wrote a song. the lyrics are also a secret surprise for my husband, so he didn't know what they said. however, i did tell him the one gross line about him "leaving [mom] and joining [me, wife]"...

to be honest, this made both of us uncomfortable, and we also both hate conflict. we have a live band at our reception, so she was basically asking the band to perform a custom song. so we lied and told her the band said they cannot perform custom lyrics to an already-existing song (the band has no clue about the song lol). we thought she'd pick a new song and that would be the end of it.

oh no. she literally created an AI-generated version of the song with her lyrics and sent it to me, and "all the band has to do is press play." ethical and moral objections to AI aside, why are you so intent on these lyrics that you'll find a way around a "no"???

we're trying a new angle, and husband had a phone call and told her "it would mean a lot to me if the band performed a [different] song for us," and she sadly/begrudgingly agreed to just picking another song. she also sent him the AI song after the fact, so he now knows what the lyrics are, and agrees they're not ~horrific~ but hates the line about leaving his mom to join me.

we kind of dug ourselves our own grave by lying about the band and not just being honest with her. so it's technically still possible to (a) tell the band this is what we want and see if they can actually perform it, or (b) play the AI song and cut it off before the gross line (entirely realistic bc that line is after 3+ minutes).

am i overreacting? if the one gross lyric wasn't there, would i be so hung up on this? is it weird for a MIL to write custom lyrics for the mother-son dance at a wedding? HELP

supa_fresh Report

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Hello all, I need a space to rant about my horrific future MIL 🫠 I’ve known my fiancee for about 3 years and his mom has always been irritating but her most recent stunt is just getting under my skin. We are currently planning our wedding and are funding it entirely ourselves. His parents are open to help fund the wedding but honestly we are keeping it pretty small so it’s something we can manage and I refuse to allow his mother to think she has any say in the wedding because “she paid for it” (it’s obvious now that I was right to not want any of her money). So two months ago my fiancee went home to visit his parents (they live out of state) and during that time he told me how his mom was annoying him and trying to force him to invite her friends, who I’ve never met and haven’t even heard of until now. He mentioned that she put up quite a fuss but eventually gave up. Fast forward to this past weekend, my parents, and his parents came to see our new house. She proceeded to ask me if I was sending out save the dates. I told her no because we’ve already sent out invites (she knows this cause she got hers) and essentially sending out save the dates is pointless if invites are already sent? She then asked if I needed HER guest list and I tried to politely tell her I think we got it covered. Finally she tells me that we HAVE to invite her friend because she let my fiancee cry on her shoulder when he found out his father had cancer. I told her that we aren’t adding more people and thought the conversation was over. An hour later she brings this up again in front of everyone and says she’s not coming to the wedding if her friend isn’t invited (praise the Lord). We all just ignored her because she clearly wanted a reaction but then the following days continuously called both of us to complain about her friend not coming. My fiancee confronted her about how wrong it is to threaten to not come to her son’s wedding and how it wasn’t a good look to throw that fit in-front of my parents especially. I know this is typical wedding drama but for some reason it is just getting under my skin and I’m so mad at myself for not going in on her when she brought it up. I think what is getting to me the most is that she’s trying to use the dad’s cancer as a pawn. He’s since made a full recovery but it was a very traumatic event for the entire family and my fiancee still has a hard time talking about that point in his life, and here the mom is just throwing that around as a way to get her friend to come to our wedding.

TLDR; future MIL is trying to force us to invite her friends to our wedding that we are paying for .

Altruistic-Try-5010 Report

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It's been long enough that I feel ok to tell this story. My husband and I were married in 2014. When we got married, we were living in my MIL's house with me paying all the bills. My husband was in full time school at the time with a part time job.

Cut to 3 days before the wedding. I am at work and I get a call from my then fiancé telling me that he had been in an accident and he was in the hospital. I rushed over there by bus because I couldn't drive because of a neurological disorder.

I arrived at the emergency room and my fiancé was still on a backboard with a neck brace. He started apologizing profusely to me. I told him that the important thing was that he was ok. And then....my MIL arrived.

She burst through the door and proceeded to ask about the car, the insurance, nothing but money. I told him that we could postpone the wedding. All that was important was his health. She was furious at me for even bringing up the wedding.

We returned home and she proceeded to scream at both of us for the rest of the night, suggesting that we weren't even ready to get married because we didn't have any money. I had a full time job with health insurance and my fiancé was the only other person bringing money into the home.

Long story short, we got married 3 days later because my husband said that he couldn't stand not to be married to me any longer.

AncientTie6445 Report

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I feel sick to my stomach. Yesterday me and my partner chose a date for our wedding and announced it to our respective parents over text. My IL immediately call my partner and I leave them to chat thinking it is them calling to congratulate… I come back a few mins later and listen through the door excited to share the moment and talk about plans only to hear my partner sound completely defeated, crushed.. I keep listening through the door (they were talking over speaker phone) I hear MIL asking if hes sure he wants to do this and that she felt like I was making my partner “choose sides..” even asked him if he was going to dump them….

I have never felt like his parents (especially MIL) have ever liked me and MIL is definitely what they call a “boy mom” also my partner is an only child..

I’ve tried so hard to be the best DIL I can be but she has been pushing me the last 5 years making weird comments, back handed compliments and questions obviously presented to cause a rift between me and my partner. This summer for the first time we had an extra room in our house and offered them to stay with us when in town. Immediately they started coming to town every few weeks rather than a couple times a year. I started to panic and didn’t know how to deal, they were demanding guests, complained (only to me!!) about our house being dirty , dinner plans every night and excursions during the day. I eventually “snapped” and said it was too much and hosting was exhausting me. They were really offended got super defensive said they would never come to our house ever again and now they completely cut me out.

I’ve been reading way too familiar stories on these kinds of pages, I’m scared my partner is more afraid to disappoint MIL than me and I’m worried of how this is going to evolve. Does anyone have any advice to talk to my partner about how to deal with MIL? Am I crazy or??

chordleeheehoo Report

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My just no mom and sister didn't show up to my wedding yesterday. Let me tell you, I had a good 5 minute cuss out (not to them to ever hear but just screaming and throwing words around while my aunts, her sisters, let me get it all out) to them both in the bathroom right before the ceremony. I was so freaking angry. But after that, I didn't even think about it, and the whole night was perfect. Anyway... after demanding to be the moh my sister didn't talk to me since 2019 so no surprise she didn't show. But justnomom doesn't realize I won here. I had my day. The whole family took note she wasn't there. And I have the love and support of every single person in her family, my dad's family, and all my inlaws.

anon Report

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My fiance and I were at the wedding of a cousin of his last week. They're of Russian descent, but the younger generation (including my fiance and his cousins) are all raised in Germany and don't really have ties to that culture beyond hearing their parents speak the language and reminisce about living there.

FMIL is as you all expect her to be (see also - my post history), but she hit a new low at that wedding. FH and I will have a wedding to our own liking, which means close to zero Russian influence (I'm Dutch). She immediately lost it over it, criticizing our choices, that our guests will go hungry (they won't), no one will party (they will), it'll be boring (absolutely not) and last but not least, that we needed to do a Russian wedding because she thinks her son is Russian (he isn't) and the majority of the guests are Russian (they really, really aren't). A day before, she already mentioned that she thought it was dumb that we weren't celebrating near their home because 'then they wouldn't have to drive so far'.. Completely ignoring that this would mean FH and I would have to drive 4 hours to our own wedding.

The win? After that discussion, FH mentioned that he didn't want to discuss wedding related things with his mom anymore. Information diet it is, and I didn't even have to bring it up myself!

It's gonna be a challenge to keep this woman away from us until, and at, our wedding, but FH has already mentioned that'll be a task for his sister. I'm just grateful that my FH is on my side fully here and wanted to share!

TheSmilingDoc Report

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I was married this past Saturday and it was terrible enough but boy my other in law added. My MIL has not liked me since i got pregnant last year my baby was unplanned but a blessing. I had only known her six months. She was kind to me until i got pregnant but after its like a flip switched. I "stole" her baby. Which is a whole other story cause she treats him like a less then second class citizen. This woman has said horrible things to me. She didn't like her own son and wanted a girl. Well surprise surprise I had a son and she acts like its her baby. At thanksgiving she was an hour late and when she walked in she immediate went and got my baby and didn't stop till after dinner when i put him to bed. She fed him mashed potatoes that made him sick. But the kicker is when they were leaving she hugged her son. I trying to be nice went to hug her she turned around and went to see the baby. Her husband was shocked my fiancé was shocked. When she came back out she shrugged and said priorities.

Then here we are to three days ago when I get married, she is offering to let me use the family pearls. It meant so much to my husband to use them. She was at the wedding, and I had to ask her to use them again. She looked like someone shoved a lemon down her throat. She was mad the whole time. When my mom spoke to her husband who was holding my baby she came over like my mother was hitting on him. The kicker here is the father-in-law is one of the nicest people and he married her. This woman took over so many times and i am learning to stand up for myself, but damn can you at least pretend to be happy for your son? She is mad her daughter isn't getting married first, she thinks I baby trapped her son yet the only thing she does is run to see my baby. She thinks I should go back to work and her watch him, but at the same time homeschool him.

ReasonableAverage131 Report

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I’ve gone officially zero contact and decided she’s not going to be allowed around my infant son or any other future kids ever either. Dh is still free to visit his parents and he did on Saturday because of Father’s Day, but didn’t ask his parents to wear masks like we agreed on. They probably have covid passed on from sil but refuse to get tested. (Mentioned in a previous post) He says they were outdoors and he wore a mask but that doesn’t matter to me, his mother was just trying to have control over the situation by refusing to wear one.

That’s not the issue here, we were never able to have our church wedding with a big reception because of covid and that’s something I’ve always dreamed of as a portuguese Catholic. Recently however with all the mil drama, accompanied by some other trauma I’ve gone through in the last few months I’m really anxious and on edge. Mil has been making my life hell for years now, and every time I’m with her even if she’s nice to me and there’s no incident, I’m incredibly stressed and miserable for weeks to follow. I didn’t even see her this weekend as I stayed home with baby but I’m still so overwhelmed and anxious I haven’t slept for two nights, I had awful panic attacks last night and I threw up tonight from stress and I’m still not asleep at 4am.

Considering I can’t even handle the thought of her speaking to my partner, I don’t want her at my wedding that we were planning on having next year. I feel like going to spend tens of thousands of dollars for her to either ruin the day or for me to be obsessing and stressed to the point of tears that she will do something because she can’t handle not having the attention on her. My sil who I adore is nc with her as well, her kids have never met her and she doesn’t want them to. I also don’t want her near my kids.

All that being said, I think it’s cruel to not let DH incite his parents to his wedding, I love him so much I want him to be happy on our wedding day too. I think I’m going to have the church service and then have a short sweet cocktail hour in the church hall... whole thing over before sunset. I’m not going to have a big expensive wedding for her to ruin. I hate her.

Temst Report

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ETA: not really looking for advice, just ranting because it made me emotional earlier. I know she shouldn’t be at my wedding and I don’t want her there, but she’s not my mother. It’s a conversation I’ll need to have with my FH later (Changed flair - before it was ambivalent about advice, now it’s no advice. Just because what everyone’s saying is already what I’m thinking / what I want... this was more just a rant bc I wanted to tell people who also have difficult MILs)

I almost feel bad for posting this because I’ve read some other posts that are horrifying and mines not as bad, but I’ve been crying and I already ranted to my own mom so I’m posting it here.

My boyfriend proposed to me two and a half weeks ago. Our engagement got off to a rocky start because I immediately began panicking at the thought of a wedding, which I never wanted. (Wrote a post about it on r/weddingplanning)

Finally this week, FH and I came to a compromise: destination wedding. FH picked México, I picked Cancun. Found some nice all inclusive resorts, I’ve been researching and talking to them. Found another resort on Isla Mujeres for our honeymoon.

FINALLY, I WAS EXCITED FOR THE WEDDING. Because it would be small and it’d be more like a family vacation. I started picking save the dates... looking at dresses... talking about decor and logistics with my mom...

Tonight we told her the plan and she. Freaked. Out. Some tidbits:

“I have NIGHTMARES about Mexico/ great, so you don’t care what I want, and you’ll let me be stressed the whole time!? / people get drugged at five star resorts! / we’re a group of tourists, we’ll have a target on our back”

(I do want to say: my family is mixed race, hers is white. She is very casually racist.)

(Also: she also said something about “well I’m sure your parents don’t want you eloping...” but I was able to shut her down with “they said they’re fine with whatever makes us happy.”)

She’s just walking around the house shouting and snapping at us, walks into the living room and asks her husband, “aren’t you going to chime in on this conversation!?”

I am no longer excited for a wedding. I no longer want a wedding. If we do Mexico anyway, she’ll come out of spite, complain the whole time, and make it absolutely miserable. If we go and don’t invite her, she’ll throw a bigger fit.

Oh and the best part? She has two sisters who are her CARBON COPIES who will act the same way.

TLDR: FMIL destroyed my wedding plans and excitement. Now I’m back to not wanting a wedding, because I don’t want to fight her or deal with her passive aggressiveness. She WILL ruin my wedding.

phoebe-buffey Report

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I (30F) have been with my fiance (31M) for 5 years. We got engaged in the spring, and our wedding is in the summer of 2026. I wanted to elope, but my fiance wanted a big wedding so we are both compromising and having a private ceremony with only our immediate families present with a larger party directly after the ceremony. This is happening in a different area than where we live.

Pre-engagement my future MIL was tolerable. She occasionally overstepped boundaries, but a correction from my fiance would put a stop to it.

Now, we are planning a wedding and everytime I attempt to involve her, she tries to replan my wedding into what she wants. She wants us to have the wedding in her backyard. We did entertain the idea in the beginning, but the guest list would be too large, and we decided that we didn’t want to do that.

I have been very patient and gentle when telling her that we do not want to have the backyard wedding. She would countine talking about “her plans” like I said nothing. It took about 5 months, and she finally stopped asking.

She told me she needed a job to do, so I gave her some options (find a hotel block, or plan the rehearsal dinner) and she did nothing towards planning either of those.

Last weekend, she told me “people are planning on crashing your ceremony, you know” I told her that is unacceptable, we have a permit and are only allowed a certain number of people. All she did was turn away from me and change the conversation. My future SIL looked at me with a shocked expression.

My fiance texted his mother the next morning and said “hey, I’m not sure what you meant by that comment you made to (OP) but we want a private ceremony. It’s very disrespectful to imply people will be crashing it. We want to keep it small, please respect that.”

She lost it. Sent him walls of text in all caps denying saying it. Calling me disrespectful. Said I was making it up. That no one is the family would EVER crash a wedding. “After all I’ve done for you with this wedding” (She has given no money or done any of the jobs we asked of her, she’s actually just made everything harder every time I try to involve her)

I text future SIL and ask her if she heard what was said. Now I’m doubting my own memory. She told me yes, she repeated what I told fiance, and said she couldn’t believe it.

Then future SIL tells me she had texted MIL and also asked her what she meant by that. SIL told MIL that she knows how important keeping the ceremony small meant to me, and wanted to help protect that.

MIL went off on her, and except this time “it was a joke” and I am out of pocket for being upset that she said that. All caps, using curse words, etc. she said “all I was saying is that the rest of the family would like to be at the ceremony.”

My fiance is already backing down a bit. He says “she says she didn’t invite anyone to the ceremony so it’s fine” but I don’t think her behavior was appropriate. I think I deserve an apology. Am I wrong for thinking that? If I made a comment that someone found offensive, even if it wasn’t my intention, I would apologize and move on. Fiance says “she will never apologize.” MIL seems to wait to paint herself as a victim, and me as the villain because I’m offended.

melcippy Report

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My mom belittles and questions everything about my wedding planning and elationship, and also always shifts the focus to her and my other siblings.

Hi all! My, 22F, wonderful BF, 23M, is going to propose soon, and my mom has been the most opinionated about, well, everything.

It wouldn't be that bad if she only gave her opinion, but nope. Everytime she offers up "advice" it's to tear me and my BF down and make me feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. Fortunately, this normally only occurs when we're physically together which is rare because she and I live four hours apart.

Some examples of her "making sure I thought everything through" have been lambasting me about our bridal party size, photographer preference, venue, date, dress, colors, and time. She even said she was going to "have a talk with my BF about the size of his bridal party", four people at the most. Which is four too many in her opinion.

She and my dad are contributing for the wedding, but my BF has said even if we have to live off of beans for a year, if she continues to try and manipulate the wedding to her preferences then we aren't taking a cent of their money. Which at this point, I would prefer.

Between the low key disaster that was dress shopping this weekend, she and my sister spent more time picking out dresses they liked that I specifically told them wasn't what I was looking for and also looking at bridesmaids dresses and wedding gowns for my sister than actually trying to find me anything I wanted to wear, and the amount of disrespect that she has shown me and my partner, constantly telling me how I only like him because he never says no to me, which is not true, we are reaching the end of our rope.

I know that I need to be more firm with her, I tell her no all of the time, but it's hard because she always love bombs me with gifts and I feel bad. She also homeschooled me and my twin brother through graduation and is always very supportive of us financially if needed since we are both still in school. This also is not a big problem when we are not together. She hints at her disapproval on phone calls, but it's never as blantant as it is in person.

It gets to the point that whenever she visits me or I visit home, by the end of it I am physically and emotionally exhausted and my BF gets to hear me vent for an hour and if it's been really bad, cry. Last time I visited home she gave me a panic attack because I went out to coffee with a friend I hadn't seen in a fee months and there were some issues with my family's puppy and our elderly grandma who used to live with them. Mind you, apparently this was all my fault because even though I haven't lived with them for over two years, I'm the only one of my siblings, who do still live at home, who actually takes responsibility for dog and grandma sitting.

I just don't know what to do. I'm sick of playing this quiet obedient daughter role when I'm a very independant and hard working woman. Any and all advice would be appreciated. Right now going no contact is not feasible, and it's not what I want.

andromache114 Report

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Before our wedding, my MIL sat me down for a three-hour monologue listing everything she thought was wrong with me—from how I hug (??) to how horrible I was for not including her 55-year-old daughter (who is 25 years older than me and someone I have little relationship with) in the wedding. When I told her her comments were incredibly hurtful, she smugly replied, “That’s not me being mean, that’s just an observation. How you feel is your own insecurity.”

It didn’t stop there. On Christmas Eve—a really meaningful holiday for my family—she called my dad to rehash all the same complaints and throw in jabs at my mom for good measure. My dad was so baffled he thought she had genuinely lost it.

On our wedding day, she made sure to suck the joy out of every photo with her constant look of disapproval. She refused to speak to me, wouldn’t share what dress she was wearing in advance (and of course it was inappropriate), and showed up to the rehearsal dinner dressed for a different event entirely. Oh—and this is after I’d been with my husband for eight years with no issues from her… until suddenly I became public enemy #1.

We haven’t spoken since the wedding.

Now, I’m 13 weeks pregnant. And to be honest, it’s been my husband’s choice not to tell her until now. He’s finally ready to share the news, and while I’ve told him he’s free to have a relationship with her, I’ve set boundaries for my own health and peace.

If she were to genuinely apologize (and let’s be real, she won’t), I’d be open to taking a baby step toward moving forward. But until then, I don’t want contact.

So here’s my question: Advice needed Do I have my husband remind her of those boundaries when he tells her about the pregnancy? Or do I wait for her to reach out and reinforce them myself?

Would love any advice from those who’ve navigated difficult MILs during pregnancy and early motherhood. I’m trying to protect my peace, but also stay ahead of the chaos I know she’s capable of.

CountTricky4592 Report

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If you had asked me a few weeks ago if I was excited for my wedding the answer was yes…but then my future MIL inserted herself in the process.

A little backstory, my fiancé and I met and fell in love in a remote mountain area of upstate NY, it’s also the place we later got engaged. Naturally, we would like to get married in this area. We both have environmental science backgrounds and would love to have an outdoorsy rustic venue.

This past weekend, we rearranged our schedules so that my fiancés parents could join us to look at a venue we were very excited about- it had a beautiful tree enclosed area for the ceremony/reception, an outdoor bar, beautiful lighting, a large bonfire area and a large old estate to serve as a rain plan and area for cocktail hour. Needless to say I was captivated and my fiancé loved it as well. The entire time we looked at the venue his parents were off to the side whispering, rolling eyes and just generally letting off a negative energy, but I tired not to let this get to me. One of the main issues my FMIL has with this location is that they only offer buffet style service, which my fiancé and I could care less about. As long as everyone is fed we will be happy.

Following the tour we went out for lunch and it hit the fan. There was a very awkward tension until my fiancé finally asked what they thought. They tore into the place citing issues that were not really issues and saying our guests would be uncomfortable etc etc. when I tried to inquire about who would be uncomfortable my fiancé looked baffled as neither of us could think of anyone and the setting is outdoors but mulched and well maintained. This place has hosted hundreds of weddings and from every review and photo I have seen it is stunning. I also mentioned that we won’t be able to please everyone. She interjected with “well I will be uncomfortable and I would hope as the mother of the groom you would be concerned with my comfort” but failed to list what exactly would make her uncomfortable. My fiancé and I were dumbfounded and couldn’t even formulate a response. We left the lunch absolutely devastated and deflated.

Later that night we got a phone call from FFIL saying well I guess that place is off the table… needless to say we were livid as that was not the conclusion. I guess I just am wondering if I’m crazy for wanting to feel like my fiancé and I can make the choice of where we want to vow our lives to one another. Many tears were shed last night and my fiancé finally said “she has taken all the joy out of this process” and he is absolutely right. Wondering if anyone else dealt with this and how to navigate it. Thanks.

Edit: I forgot a crucial detail! They had offered to pay for food and venue but I was hesitant now due to what I described above. I think we are going to pay for it ourselves. Also, this level of intrusion is just one of many areas of our lives that have faced this, so this whole thing unfortunately does not come as a surprise

Nature_ot Report

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I need support from the girlies right now because I’m going to lose it. For context: My fiancé and I are getting married in about a year or so and he has a difficult relationship with his family. He has always felt like the black sheep and they also treat him like it: lack of respect for boundaries, autonomy, etc. He is the best person I know and has been working so hard to heal from growing up with these people. MIL and FIL are alcoholics (undiagnosed but also my opinion as a medical provider) and MIL always corners me when I’m alone to talk bad about my fiancé or put down our wedding planning. I want to be gentle as I mention alcoholism because I understand there are so many people working so hard to recover and it is not easy

They have insisted on planning the rehearsal dinner and you would think they have never been to a restaurant in their lives. I have offered restaurant suggestions, and have been helping them plan it and they simply cannot fathom how to plan this event. Honestly I’ve had it. I feel like anything they are involved in goes to hell and I refuse to have any added stressors on our wedding day. Nothing is good enough for them and they end up making everything 10x more stressful because they tend to drink to much, go off on me, and then be completely unreasonable. I desperately don’t want them involved in anything at this point because they cause us so much stress. My ideal is that they promise to be sober at our wedding and just show up to the event. Someone please give me validation or advice because I feel like I’m going nuts over here! My fiancé and I are aligned with how we feel about them for context.

Sad_Professor5730 Report

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Hi everyone! Been around here but first time posting because I really wasn’t sure if my MIL would be a justnoMIL. I also feel like I might be overreacting but wanted to get other people’s opinions.

We have been planning our wedding (in about 5 months) and we had the idea for my fiancé to wear a dark green suit jacket to stand out a bit from the fall oranges theme we have and the black suits the groomsmen will wear. I mentioned this to my future MIL when we went wedding dress shopping about 2 months ago. When we went dress shopping she also tried on a jewel blue dress and I mentioned that it looked stunning on her and that would be a great color for the wedding.

This week, she sends me a picture of her dress order from inside of the bridal shop and she ordered the same exactly color as what we planned for my fiancé to wear. She then immediately called me to tell me how excited she was about the dress. At first I was like oh okay I guess she just likes this color. Then she comes out at exclaims, “well, I AM the mother of the groom so I should match him”. That statement made me feel kind of uncomfortable. On top of that, we had also planned a surprise where my reception dress would match his jacket. Of course, being a surprise, she doesn’t know this, but it still kind of upsets me.

On top of that, she started talking about how excited she was to bring her daughter (one of my bridesmaids ) to the same bridal shop next week to try on dresses and buy one. I stopped her and mentioned that her daughter actually needs to buy her dress from the specific site that I have given them to make sure that the fabric is what I’m asking for. And then she got pissed at me from taking away the experience of trying on dresses with her daughter from her and she thinks it’s ridiculous. Honestly, for the entire wedding, the only thing I have asked is that the bridesmaids order from this site so that the material is the same. I’m letting them choose their specific dress and color (as long as it is within the color range I gave them). This site (azazie) even lets you try on up to 10 bridesmaid dresses at home at once so if she really just cares about trying on the dresses she can do that. But my future MIL made me feel terrible for having this one requirement.

Idk, I feel like I might be over reacting. I tried expressing to my fiancé that I’m upset about this, and he agreed that he doesn’t want to match his mom, but he also said it’s kinda wrong to tell her she needs to go back to the bridal shop to change her order (if that’s even possible). We’ve decided to order a bunch of new swatches to see if there is possibly a different color we can choose because he hasn’t ordered his suit yet, but I still have my heart on this dark green color.

WeskersWiskers Report

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She’s never been warm and fuzzy, but I’ve tried for years to build some kind of respectful relationship with my now-MIL. The morning of the wedding, I texted her inviting her to where we were getting ready - there were snacks, mimosas, and I’d already offered to include her in hair/makeup with the stylist team. She never replied.

Later, I hear from my partner that she saw the message but “didn’t think she needed to respond.” She eventually shows up, says nothing nice, just complains about how awful the local salons are (wedding was in my hometown) and how “places here only have good reviews because of the people.” Totally unprompted.

Then she asks if she can get her hair done after all. I check in with the stylists and let her know they can probably take her around 11:30. When it gets pushed to 12, I update her immediately - and she storms into the room furious, says she canceled other plans and now has “nowhere to get her hair done… thanks,” and walks out.

Feeling panicked, I stepped into the bedroom to call my fiancé. While I’m mid-call, she starts pounding on the door. I open it, and she launches into me - saying I “can’t always run” to my fiancé, mocking me for being emotional, telling me “what you feel is between you and your god,” and - my personal favorite - “so YOU get to ruin MY day.”

I told her multiple times I didn’t want to have that conversation right then. She wouldn’t stop. She followed me, pushed the issue, and kept escalating.

She still hasn’t apologized. My partner says it wasn’t okay, but I’m not sure they truly get how intense it was. I don’t know how to bring it up again without it blowing up - they are super close. I addressed it day of which I realize was not good timing, but at that time he said maybe I was overreacting by calling him the first time?!?? Gahh

Any advice? I’m exhausted trying to be the bigger person.

PretteyInsignificant Report

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Am I overthinking and spiraling over my MIL interrupting our wedding ceremony?

For context, my MIL has some self absorbed tendencies where she seems to insert herself to make her presence known. While not truly being there or supporting her kids. She will be the type to kiss her grown adult kids on the cheek and leave lipstick there so show her “stamp of love”. But offers little to no help in daily life. On the day of our wedding she even kissed my hubby’s neck and left the lipstick there until I wiped it off before photos. Interesting choice but I’m trying to paint yall the picture.

Night before our wedding, Hubby and I had a 45 min ceremony rehearsal which both parents attended. All was perfect and went wonderfully. The morning of the wedding while the bridal party is getting hair and makeup, my MIL comes to me asking “if she can make a small change to the wedding”, to which I replied “I DO mind if you make a change please no changes”. She replied in a way that was like oh you’ll like it it’s a surprise. I was angry and carried on thinking, there’s no way.

Fast forward to our ceremony we are about to exchange rings onto each others hands and say the words, MIL stands up in the middle of the aisle tells our officiant she has a change and takes our rings. I was in shock. She took our rings from us and walked to the side and “baptized them” in the same holy water my Hubby was baptized with. Then gave them back to my husband and we continued with our ceremony.

Now I’m stuck on a spiral because

I am not Catholic, we were not in s church and thought “did this really need to be a stand up moment that needed to stop our ceremony for?”

I said no changes

Why did that need to be a surprise?

I later found out she didn’t bring it up during rehearsal because she couldn’t find her holy water. But it was something that had been used for all the kids baptisms in his family.

The gesture had good intentions but I can’t help but feel an ick to how it went about. How can I get over this and not be mortified that she totally hijacked that special moment!

lilmadss Report

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FMIL has been attacking my fiance because we are not including his siblings in the wedding party (which consists of one best man and one maid of honor, both of which are our college roommates).

She told him he must hate his family and that she would make sure no one would come to our wedding. Fiance told her she can get on board with his decision or she won't be invited anyway.

As you can imagine she freaked out. I have 12 siblings and no one is trying to guilt trip me that I am not including them in the wedding party.

Is she out of line or are we really expected to include them? Our wedding is in two months.

gymlitersabrina Report

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I love my fiancé and his family but his mother is so overbearing. She’s a loud extrovert and myself and fiancé are introverts (I also have OCD) and have planned our wedding for what works for us. I’m thinking 10 steps ahead and finer details are not taking up my headspace right now.

We don’t want a gendered split of anything, no stag/hen, no separate traditions or anything. The only real tradition we are doing is that he won’t see me in my dress until the day. Everything else is very us and low-key.

Yesterday, my fiancé gets a call from MIL asking when we will be free for our stag/hen. We’ve explicitly said we do not want one already and now I’m getting judgy comments about how it’s ‘ their job ‘ to sort these things. I don’t care, it’s our idea of hell! Our wedding is 10 months away and MIL keeps sending me pictures of (a bit unflattering but thankfully not white) dress she wants to wear. It’s no concern to me what she wears, we’ve already said when we need help or opinions planning we will ask. I just feel really frustrated and upset that our wishes are not being listened to as it’s expected that we ‘should’ be doing X,Y,Z at the timescales they expect.

I wish we’d eloped

-UPDATE- the proverbial foot has been firmly put down after I found out SIL had to tell her not to buy a WHITE dress for the wedding.

Outside-Fly712 Report

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So my fiancé and I have been engaged for about a month and already mil is trying to run the show.

She has told me she has the venue planned, I have to limit my side of the family so all hers can come and she has decided that she will do all the cooking for the reception,which wouldn’t be bad but she is awful!

I could handle all of that but what really got me was when she took me down to a clothing store that was closing down to look around. She found this dress that she said she could see me marrying her son in and went behind my back and bought it even though I kindly said no I don’t want it I’m not ready to dress shop yet. After we left the store she hands me the bag and says here is your wedding dress! You owe me half for it.

This dress is somehow badly water damaged and it needs a lot of alterations. I’m going to get myself a new dress when I’m ready,also I’m not paying for half that dress.

Pondsy13 Report

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So I've had issues with my FMIL since this past February. Some of you might've seen my post where she kicked me out of her house after inviting me to stay halfway through the school year with 24 hours notice because I was "disrespectful" (was actually just being a human being and existing but OKAY).

Well a lot has happened since then and up until recently contact with her for me and my FH has been little to none. Yet just as the cycle of abuse indicates (bc she is an incredibly abusive individual), she's been getting more chatty with FH and last night she finally blew when we told her we had chosen a date for our wedding.

My FH and I decided to get married this summer considering we already live together, love each other, and genuinely feel ready to take the next step. Yet when FH told my FMIL last night, her immediate reaction was that I must be pregnant (I'm not) and that I am manipulating him. Eventually I got on the phone with her after she had hung up on FH, called him back, and reassured him that "she'd be there" and that she'd be the first once to stand up when the pastor asks who opposes our union. I told her off, told her some unfortunate truths she needed to hear (e.g. she's upset that FH left with me back in February instead of breaking up with me), and eventually told her a respectful FU before hanging up on her. She proceeded to say terrible stuff (mentioning my child trauma and my mother's mental health issues) and finally me and FH decided she wasn't invited. Even told her that if she showed up (which she said she was still going to anyway), I would call the police on her.

In any case, it was a lot of drama for literally a provision of basic information (as per usual with her), we both ended up emotionally drained, and she still thinks I'm a knocked up, manipulative gold digger!

Also before anyone says it, we've set plenty of boundaries, limited to restricted contact, and FH had been endlessly supportive of me.

Just wanted to rant really, thanks :)

Negative-World4205 Report

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Haven’t posted here in a while but just needed to get this off my chest and remind myself she hasn’t changed.

The wedding earlier in the year was in DH’s home country in south east Asia where family is literally everything. The primary religion basically states that the entrance into heaven lies at the feet of your mom or something like that.

Before this I’ve been NC with NM for 6 years. We extended the invitation due to the request of my in laws who I adore. I agreed as long as my boundaries are respected, which was basically I will not be 1 on 1 with her.

Anyways, the bridal party including my NM had a makeup and hair team separate from mine. However they helped me get undressed (traditional southeast Asian attire I was wearing was very heavy and complicated 😂) and as they were leaving I thanked them for their time and hard work. Before heading out the door, they strangely brought up how I should appreciate my mother and talk to her. Call her. To be grateful.

OK…..I just nodded because WTAH. Maybe this is a cultural thing and was said to me unprompted?

AND THEN.

DH and I went to go find my in laws right after people started heading out. The wedding coordinators assistant, who had been very involved in making sure I got to the correct locations on time, told me that my NM didn’t know about the private pool party we are hosting for our close family and friends.

I let the assistant know I’ll ask my brother to contact my mom. He had basically been the middle man between us if there was any reason we had to communicate. Anyways, she asked me a couple times actually but after my third time telling her my brother will talk to her, she goes no, you should call her in a slightly frustrated tone.

I didn’t get the chance to respond because my in laws came up but after that interaction, I couldn’t stop thinking whether I was being paranoid or not that my NM was talking trash while prepping for my wedding.

I eventually texted my aunt in law who was essentially assigned by my in laws to keep an eye on NM and keep her away from me. Aunt told me that my mom new about the pool party even before the wedding started because she told her!!!!

Basically I have a suspicion NM played up the poor me act and proved she’s still as manipulative as ever.

She and my cousin (love her so much) did end the night with a screaming match at the hotel…but that’s a whole other story.

ConfoOsedBride Report

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My husband's grandma gave him her wedding ring to give to me at our wedding. When he was first putting it on my finger, we could hear a very loud, "What the hell is that" from his mother when she first saw what it was. It's a solitary diamond surrounded by small rubies on a gold band and his grandmother had it as her wedding ring and it had been passed through the family since the mid 1700s. Grandma didn't like her daughter, nor her granddaughter (husband's sister) really so she felt it was best for my husband to have it to give it to me. MIL spent the rest of the wedding and the reception staring at the ring on my finger, I'm sure just trying to figure out how to get it.


A couple weeks later, we were over at her place for dinner and she kept insisting I take it off while helping to clean up, so it wouldn't get damaged, and put it somewhere "safe", like her jewelry chest upstairs. I declined and kept it on.


few weeks later, she was over at our house for dinner when she saw I wasn't wearing it because I had just been gardening and she asked why I wasn't wearing it. I told her and She suddenly had to go use the bathroom and went upstairs to use it. I was suspicious, so quietly went up to check, only to find her trying to force our bedroom door open. As soon as she saw me, she said she couldn't find the bathroom, to which I pointed at the open door and the obvious bathroom that she would have had to pass to get to our bedroom. Even if she had forced the door open, my ring was in the safe in there and only I have the combination.


I don't think she wanted it for herself, but for her daughter (my sister in law) as my sister in law is one of the most spoiled, entitled people I have ever met. she whines about my husband having something, but doesn't want to put in the work to get it, but my MIL is more than happy to get it for her.


FIL is not in the picture as he died when my husband was around 8 or 9 so getting him to help is not a solution. My husband has said that ever since his dad died, his mom has spoiled his sister constantly, while he has had to work hard for everything he has.


SIL even got mad that my husband and I got a "free" trip to Hawaii for our honeymoon (my parents paid for it, it was their wedding gift to us) and threw a fit that she couldn't go to Hawaii so MIL bought her one right after we got back.

anon Report

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My (29F) fiancé (29M) and I are getting married in early 2026. We were both raised Catholic — I went to Catholic grade school before switching to public high school, and my fiancé went to Catholic school through high school. Neither of us are especially devout now; we usually only go to Mass with our parents on holidays.

We’re getting married in the Catholic church that my fiancé’s family has attended for years. It was always kind of assumed we’d have a full Mass, but after several meetings with our priest and a lot of honest discussion, we decided to have a nuptial ceremony instead (same structure, just without Communion).

Once we made that decision, I finally felt genuine excitement about our wedding day — something I hadn’t felt before because I was dreading the full Mass. This feels true to where we are in our faith, and it’s allowed me to look forward to the day with joy instead of anxiety. My fiancé completely agrees and has been 100% supportive.

When he told his parents, they were livid. His mom told him, “You might as well have one of your friends marry you.” Then she called me and spent about 20 minutes telling me how “crushed and disappointed” she is, that this is “so important” to her family, and trying to convince me to change my mind. I was kind but firm, repeating that we’d put a lot of thought into this, and eventually I had to tell her the decision was final.

Ever since that call, I’ve felt so heavy and sad about it. I know we made the right decision — I feel peace and excitement about the sacrament for the first time — but her reaction has cast a dark cloud over something that should be happy. I’m trying not to internalize her disappointment, but it’s hard.

My parents have been wonderful and supportive. My mom even suggested I reach out to our priest for advice on how to handle my MIL, which I’m considering.

I just need advice from others who’ve been here: how do you emotionally detach from the guilt and stop letting someone else’s disappointment ruin your joy? I want to be excited about my own wedding again. TIA

BabyGremlin13 Report

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I’m getting married in October this year. My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years, and I’ve always felt like his mother doesn’t like me. For context, he is Jewish, I’m not, and to make a very long story short, I believe his mother thinks I’ve corrupted her golden boy because we have decided to have a non religious wedding, be child free, and not move to be near her in the foreseeable future.

There have been passive aggressive comments and other things that have made me think she doesn’t like/approve of me through the years, but last month I thought we’d finally turned a corner - I met some of her friends and they liked me, and she was noticeably warmer to me the rest of that trip (she is incredibly focused on others’ perceptions/opinions about everything, not just this). However, last night my fiancé told me that he talked with her, initially about the wedding invitations - she disapproved that I’m not putting “the parents of ____” on there, because, by her own admission, she/FIL are helping to pay and it is disrespectful, but “I guess no one will see the invites” (we’re having a small(ish)wedding with 70 people, only one set of their friends are invited - they wanted to invite 20+).

What really upset me though is MIL then said at weddings she goes to, the MIL and FIL walk the groom down the aisle - like meet halfway or something, and then they continue down. She is adamant she wants to do this.

My mom and dad have had an extremely messy divorce, and on top of that, my dad was diagnosed with progressive supranuclear palsy 2 years ago, and can barely shuffle along with a walker at this point. I also never wanted to be walked down the aisle because it feels so old fashioned to me, I’m my own person I don’t need to be given away. Regardless, my parents will not be doing that, MIL KNOWS my dad’s situation, and said “well I’ve been to plenty of weddings where the father or family member has passed and can’t do it, that doesn’t mean others shouldn’t be able to do it”

Am I overreacting that that seriously upset me? My dad’s not dead, he just can’t do that. And she’s more concerned about getting to do what SHE wants than thinking about my feelings, on MY wedding…granted this is not the first time she has said things regarding the wedding that are totally focused on her, so I don’t know what I’m surprised, but this one really got to me.

cmc2593 Report

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My So and I (30M and 28F) are getting married in a little under a year. I’ve told some people but had put off telling my JNmom due to many numerous reasons. Well, that changed last night, when my aunt basically encouraged and forced me to tell my mom, with her on the phone. I wasn’t ready to tell her then, but I did it to make my aunt happy. I’m a pushover and a people-pleaser. Now I have a monster on my hands!

She wants my bridal party to be my 3 cousins (nieces on her side).

Am I inviting this relative or this friend of the family to the family?

When can she help with dress shopping, can she hire the photographer, etc?

This is going to be a long year. However, I am proud to say that I put my foot down with my mom and said that this is my wedding. Dh and I will plan with help where and when we want it. The venue has limited space, so we get to decide who is or isn’t invited. Also, one decision and step at a time. This wedding won’t be planned in a day, don’t overload me with decisions in a day.

sapphireblueyez Report

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Need some advice on how to proceed.

I bought my wedding dress last year. MIL was invited at the request of my fiance (only son). I have a white dress with pink flowers and green vines. My cousin who was at the appointment is also a seamstress and is adding additional flowers and embellishments on.

Today, MIL has bought her dress for the wedding (now 6 weeks away). It's pink. With pink flowers. And green vines. I'm beside myself. It's okay though, she said 'you won't need to worry about being outshone by me!'

Fiance has told his parents that it's too similar and she needs to find a different dress. FIL has come back and said 'I disagree. You need to get ElvhenPhoenix to change her mind'.

JNMIL has a history of anxiety and OCD but will frequently need 'defending' against decisions we take. The most memorable instance is when she cried because they went out for dinner one evening and I cooked for us at theirs because they didn't invite us. This has been the modus operandi for the last four years - we end up having to give in to keep her happy.

How do we even begin to combat this and still salvage my fiances relationship with his parents? No contact is not an option - he cares very deeply for them and they have a ton of health issues he needs to support them in.

ElvhenPhoenix Report

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