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There are some parents who live under the assumption that just because someone has married their child, they now should have unrestricted access to whatever they want. While perhaps the idea of a horrible mother in law is overblown, there are some who keep these stereotypes very much alive.
A woman turned to the internet for advice after growing sick and tired of her mother in law constantly demanding to track her and her husband using an app. We also reached out to the woman who shared the post via private message and will update the article when they get back to us.
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Some parents just can’t accept that their kids are grown and have a partner
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
So one woman was deeply annoyed when her MIL insisted on literally tracking her husband
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: photoroyalty / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Glittering-Oil-4200
An overbearing mother-in-law is a big, but not insurmountable issue
When your mother-in-law makes a point of tracking your partner’s every step, checking his location using apps, expecting blow-by-blow updates, or even using tracking devices, it’s as if your relationship and your personal space are under attack. The initial step in dealing with it is to understand that her actions reflect more on her fears than on your failings. It will remind you that her need for control is born of fear, fear of losing her son, of being redundant, or of aging, and enable you to separate her insecurities from your own need for independence.
Having understood her motives, it’s easier to set emotional boundaries. When she texts messages demanding to know his whereabouts, resist the temptation to respond defensively or in kind. Instead, take a moment to breathe and choose a calm, firm reply: “He’s at work and will be home later.” Keeping your tone neutral avoids escalating the conflict and shows that you’re not inviting an ongoing surveillance dialogue. Over time, consistent, low-emotion interactions teach her that tracking won’t trigger drama or gain her extra attention.
In the meantime, talk to your partner about how the surveillance affects the two of you. He needs to know how it makes you feel, and how it demeans his independence. Frame the discussion in terms of respect for each other. In this story, there seems to be a somewhat strange interplay between the son acknowledging that his mother is being weird, while, at the same time, not fully committing to making her top. But, ultimately, he does need to step up as his word will probably matter more to his mother than his wife’s.
Ultimately, partners need to support each other
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Having your partner on your side not only reduces your emotional load but also delivers a clear message from her own son that the tracking must stop. You may also need to bring in technological boundaries. If she is tracking his phone through an app or device, it is within his rights as an adult to turn it off or deny permissions. Break the news to her gently, but it’s also important to not seem too apologetic. Boundaries are healthy and necessary, not just some side issue.
Build your own support network. Discuss your situation with trusted friends or a therapist who will affirm your emotions and offer coping strategies. Sometimes just knowing that others recognize how intrusive her behavior is can reduce anxiety and prevent you from internalizing her demanding behavior as normal or justified. A support group of other spouses or adult children facing the same issues can be especially comforting.
Finally, prioritize self-care rituals that reinforce your agency. If she permits it, whether it is through a walk in the evening, a yoga class, or even reading a book before bed, carve out time from her incursions to reconnect with yourself and with your relationship. These moments of peace are reminders that you have life beyond her watching eyes. Later on, as you and your partner keep establishing strong boundaries, her tracking demands will likely dwindle, and your house will once again be able to breathe.
She shared some more of her thoughts in the comments
Readers thought the MIL was out of her mind
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What do you think ?
Ace 5 months ago (edited)
So much of this is beyond my understanding, but let's stick with the simple stuff first. What the F is a JNMIL? I mean, mother-in-law I get, but JN? Search tells me it's "Just No MIL" which frankly doesn't help much.
Gavin Johnson 5 months ago
It means the MIL in question is unable to respect boundaries. They are intrusive or give opinions when they aren’t being asked for them so every interaction starts with ‘just no…’.
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Trillian 5 months ago
I can track my adult son and he can track me. I never use it and he uses it occasionally to see if I'm home before coming over. We're both fine like this. Why doesn't the husband deactive it?
Bonnie Blue Bird 5 months ago
Because it would upset his controlling mother
Load More Replies...
Ace 5 months ago (edited)
So much of this is beyond my understanding, but let's stick with the simple stuff first. What the F is a JNMIL? I mean, mother-in-law I get, but JN? Search tells me it's "Just No MIL" which frankly doesn't help much.
Gavin Johnson 5 months ago
It means the MIL in question is unable to respect boundaries. They are intrusive or give opinions when they aren’t being asked for them so every interaction starts with ‘just no…’.
Load More Replies... Trillian 5 months ago
I can track my adult son and he can track me. I never use it and he uses it occasionally to see if I'm home before coming over. We're both fine like this. Why doesn't the husband deactive it?
Bonnie Blue Bird 5 months ago
Because it would upset his controlling mother
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