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Woman Gets Tired Of Surprise Visits From Self-Absorbed Mother-In-Law, Installs A Gate, Family Drama Ensues
Woman Gets Tired Of Surprise Visits From Self-Absorbed Mother-In-Law, Installs A Gate, Family Drama Ensues
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Woman Gets Tired Of Surprise Visits From Self-Absorbed Mother-In-Law, Installs A Gate, Family Drama Ensues

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They say when you marry, you marry the family. And although the idea is frustrating, suggesting that you have no choice but to put up with the unforeseen nonsense of your other family, there is a drop of truth to it. Or rather, an entire sea.

And while some in-laws become your best second family, bringing joy and fulfillment, others turn out to be a pain in the neck there’s no remedy for. This is the case with a woman who recently shared her story on the Mumsnet forum.

“My MIL lives across town and has a tendency to just turn up on the doorstep unannounced and uninvited,” she wrote. Being “a very private person and quite introverted,” the woman explained that she needs time to prepare herself mentally for any extended visits or socializing. But her MIL clearly doesn’t see that.

When the unannounced visits became the norm, the only solution was to show the MIL it is not her house.

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    Image credits: Ashwin Vaswani (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Geoffrey Whiteway (not the actual photo)

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    Bored Panda reached out to Susan Petang, a certified mindful lifestyle & stress management coach and author of The Quiet Zone, who shared some very useful advice on dealing with in-laws, which can be truly touchy. “You don’t want to put your partner in between their parent and you – that’s not fair,” she said. Petang explained that one of the first things she advises her clients to do is put themselves in their in-laws’ shoes. “Why do you think they are doing what they’re doing? (And no, ‘She’s just a jerk!’ or, ‘She just hates me!’ aren’t good answers.)”

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    Petang suggests asking yourself a couple of key questions: “Maybe THEIR mothers/mothers-in-law did that to THEM – so they think it’s OK. Maybe they’re worried about you, or think they’re actually helping. Maybe they are too attached to their child, and they’re anxious. Wow, it must suck to be them, don’t you think?”

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    “By having some compassion for what they’re feeling or understanding why they’re doing what they’re doing, it doesn’t justify their behavior, but it does take away some of your anger over the situation,” the life coach explained.

    “Ask yourself, ‘How important is this, really?’ Are they just inconveniencing you, or are they TRULY interfering in your lives? Take your emotions out of the picture, and view the situation through the eyes of an outsider,” Petang said and added “If you had a friend who was going through this, what would you advise THEM to do?

    This is what people had to comment in response to the story

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    Liucija Adomaite

    Liucija Adomaite

    Writer, Community member

    Read more »

    Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

    Read less »
    Liucija Adomaite

    Liucija Adomaite

    Writer, Community member

    Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

    Kotryna Br

    Kotryna Br

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

    Read less »

    Kotryna Br

    Kotryna Br

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

    What do you think ?
    Anna Banana
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Being an introvert myself I want to smack the person who said that the OP has issues because you shouldn't have to mentally prepare for family! I have to mentally prepare for friends, whom I like and I have chosen to be friends with, never mind a rude mother in law.

    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought the same thing as you. That commenter obviously doesn't understand what it's like to be introverted. You have to be prepared for any occasion where you might have to be sociable.

    Load More Replies...
    Chich
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Used to refer to people like this as "bomber pilots". They sweep in unannounced, drop their emotional garbage all over you, don't ask how you are (sometimes they barely acknowledge you) and then fly away.

    N Gregory
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For those of us more used to BP pinching stories from Reddit and are confused by the change in acronym, AIBU = Am I Being Unreasonable. (For the record - no, she is not)

    Pat Bond
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Darling/dear husband, looks likes it's been ripped from mumsnet

    Load More Replies...
    Tamra
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For all mothers-in-law, when your *adult* child is married or living with someone, you are NOT just visiting your child's home, you are visiting the home of a *couple*. And yes, that person your child chose to spend their life with has their own boundaries and desires that deserve to be respected! Don't barge in, don't invite yourself over, just don't!

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "...it really isn't normal to have to mentally prepare yourself for a family visit. Look to your own behaviour." FUUUUUUUCK YOU. 1) It absolutely is normal. 2) OP literally states she's an introvert 3) the MIL seems like the worst kind of visitor 4) if you're doing something for yourself and/your nuclear family, you shouldnt have to stop doing that because someone was rude and dropped by completely unannounced. 5) anyone that's told someone to not just drop by, especially someone that no one really seems to enjoy stopping, should aboslutely be allowed to mentally prepare. GFY with that s**t comment.

    Lori Lathrom
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ya really don’t want to “pop” in on me MIL because I am nude 80% of the day. That’s why the blinds are closed. But if you don’t mind having a cup of coffee while I sit there in my birthday suit, welcome to the party!

    Load More Replies...
    Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The one who said that it's not normal to mentally prepare for family gatherings is completely off because interacting with anyone is a lot for some people.

    Notyomama
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They, obviously, don't have a family like mine.

    Load More Replies...
    LH25
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Early in our marriage, my in-laws did this. I get more time off then hubby, so would take a day here and there to be home alone and goof off or do projects. They would invariable show up to keep me company. We learned very quickly not to tell them when I was off, and hubby told them that while we loved them both, they needed to check in before coming over to see if it was OK. Thankfully they listened.

    Eric Mac Fadden
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have walls and gates in Brazil, a very nice thing to have int these situations. I also hate surprises like this, blatantly ignoring whoever I need.

    Robert T
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When it comes to interfering MILs, a moat containing sharks with frickin' lasers and a drawbridge would not be considered "too much", let alone a gate!

    Lori Lathrom
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🐊 🦈 🐉 🐍 🦅 🦂 🦀 🐊 🦈 🐉 🐍 🦅 🦂 🦀 😈😈😈😈😈

    Load More Replies...
    Kelli
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, I had to pop on this one. My best friend has had this problem for years. All of her in laws live within a two mile radius of her home, and she often comes home from work to pool parties already going on in her back yard when neither her nor her husband invited anyone nor were even home. It has caused a huge marital rift.

    Cory Tollman
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be rough. Coming home ready to just unwind and relax and not only are there lots of unexpected people at your house they are having a party in your pool. The one that you were going to relax in.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    Anna Banana
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Being an introvert myself I want to smack the person who said that the OP has issues because you shouldn't have to mentally prepare for family! I have to mentally prepare for friends, whom I like and I have chosen to be friends with, never mind a rude mother in law.

    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought the same thing as you. That commenter obviously doesn't understand what it's like to be introverted. You have to be prepared for any occasion where you might have to be sociable.

    Load More Replies...
    Chich
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Used to refer to people like this as "bomber pilots". They sweep in unannounced, drop their emotional garbage all over you, don't ask how you are (sometimes they barely acknowledge you) and then fly away.

    N Gregory
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For those of us more used to BP pinching stories from Reddit and are confused by the change in acronym, AIBU = Am I Being Unreasonable. (For the record - no, she is not)

    Pat Bond
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Darling/dear husband, looks likes it's been ripped from mumsnet

    Load More Replies...
    Tamra
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For all mothers-in-law, when your *adult* child is married or living with someone, you are NOT just visiting your child's home, you are visiting the home of a *couple*. And yes, that person your child chose to spend their life with has their own boundaries and desires that deserve to be respected! Don't barge in, don't invite yourself over, just don't!

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "...it really isn't normal to have to mentally prepare yourself for a family visit. Look to your own behaviour." FUUUUUUUCK YOU. 1) It absolutely is normal. 2) OP literally states she's an introvert 3) the MIL seems like the worst kind of visitor 4) if you're doing something for yourself and/your nuclear family, you shouldnt have to stop doing that because someone was rude and dropped by completely unannounced. 5) anyone that's told someone to not just drop by, especially someone that no one really seems to enjoy stopping, should aboslutely be allowed to mentally prepare. GFY with that s**t comment.

    Lori Lathrom
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ya really don’t want to “pop” in on me MIL because I am nude 80% of the day. That’s why the blinds are closed. But if you don’t mind having a cup of coffee while I sit there in my birthday suit, welcome to the party!

    Load More Replies...
    Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The one who said that it's not normal to mentally prepare for family gatherings is completely off because interacting with anyone is a lot for some people.

    Notyomama
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They, obviously, don't have a family like mine.

    Load More Replies...
    LH25
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Early in our marriage, my in-laws did this. I get more time off then hubby, so would take a day here and there to be home alone and goof off or do projects. They would invariable show up to keep me company. We learned very quickly not to tell them when I was off, and hubby told them that while we loved them both, they needed to check in before coming over to see if it was OK. Thankfully they listened.

    Eric Mac Fadden
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have walls and gates in Brazil, a very nice thing to have int these situations. I also hate surprises like this, blatantly ignoring whoever I need.

    Robert T
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When it comes to interfering MILs, a moat containing sharks with frickin' lasers and a drawbridge would not be considered "too much", let alone a gate!

    Lori Lathrom
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🐊 🦈 🐉 🐍 🦅 🦂 🦀 🐊 🦈 🐉 🐍 🦅 🦂 🦀 😈😈😈😈😈

    Load More Replies...
    Kelli
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, I had to pop on this one. My best friend has had this problem for years. All of her in laws live within a two mile radius of her home, and she often comes home from work to pool parties already going on in her back yard when neither her nor her husband invited anyone nor were even home. It has caused a huge marital rift.

    Cory Tollman
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be rough. Coming home ready to just unwind and relax and not only are there lots of unexpected people at your house they are having a party in your pool. The one that you were going to relax in.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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