“[Am I The Jerk] For Making My MIL Uncomfortable And Embarrassed During Dinner?”

Thanksgiving is, first and foremost, a family holiday, and the festive table should unite family members of different generations, not serve as a source of endless resentment, quarrels, and feuds. Unfortunately, some people don’t realize this even well into adulthood.

Today, we offer you to read a story from the user u/Still-Rip9704, whose mother-in-law, even after many years of marriage, hasn’t stopped trying to drive a wedge between her daughter-in-law and son. And she found nothing better to do than use the family gathering at Thanksgiving.

More info: Reddit

Thanksgiving is a warm family holiday by default – but some people, alas, consider it a perfect time to prolong a feud

Family sharing Thanksgiving food at a cozy kitchen table with a roasted turkey and autumn decorations.

Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author of the post says that they don’t usually invite her MIL to family holiday because of her toxicity, but this time she showed up

Text excerpt about MIL hogging Thanksgiving food and causing tension during dinner, discussing family conflict.

Text about MIL hogging Thanksgiving food, taking Tupperware without saying goodbye, causing conflicts over food.

Text discussing a MIL with food insecurities who hogs Thanksgiving food and causes conflict with DIL.

Text excerpt about being last to eat in a family setting, highlighting MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet.

Text excerpt about MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet, showing her behavior when confronted by DIL.

Image credits: Still-Rip9704

Older woman wearing glasses looking out window with a pouty expression, reflecting a Thanksgiving family conflict.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author and her husband have a family rule – kids should be served first – but the MIL attempted to break this rule once more

MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet, hogging food and pouting when confronted by daughter-in-law.

Text showing a confrontation where a MIL pouts and waits her turn after being told to stop hogging the Thanksgiving food.

Text excerpt showing a MIL pouting childishly and ignoring confrontation about hogging Thanksgiving food.

MIL at Thanksgiving grabbing and hogging food, then pouting when daughter-in-law confronts her.

Text excerpt showing a conversation about a MIL hogging Thanksgiving food and being confronted by the DIL.

Image credits: Still-Rip9704

Older woman sitting at a table with a plate of food, appearing thoughtful in a cozy, plant-filled dining space.

Image credits: Aminaashfaq / Freepik (not the actual photo)

After getting called out, the MIL took offense at the author and then demanded apologies from her in a call with her son

MIL hogging Thanksgiving food, treating it like a free buffet, and pouting when confronted by DIL.

Text on a plain white background reading, She throws the Tupperware in my sink and walks out without saying anything, relating to MIL hogging Thanksgiving food.

Text describing a conflict involving a MIL hogging food during Thanksgiving and a DIL confronting her about it.

Text message explaining refusal to apologize for making MIL follow food rules and addressing entitlement at Thanksgiving feast.

Text message discussing MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet, hogging food, and causing family tension.

Image credits: Still-Rip9704

The author overheard the conversation and claimed she doesn’t feel guilty, but now the spouse is giving her a cold shoulder

So, the Original Poster (OP) says that in recent years, they haven’t invited her mother-in-law to family celebrations like Thanksgiving. For one thing, she usually disregards the rules established in their home – children are served first. And, besides, this woman is pretty toxic overall.

This time, a large group gathered at the author’s house for Thanksgiving – all of her relatives were there – and suddenly, the MIL showed up too. No, of course, no one kicked her out, but when our heroine called the kids to the table as usual, the first one to jump up from the couch was her husband’s mom.

The author feigned surprise and asked the mother-in-law if she considered herself one of the children. The lady blushed, but then calmed down and sat back down on the couch. However, when it was the adults’ turn, she first pointedly refused to eat, and then tried to grab some leftovers for her boyfriend staying at home.

To this, the OP replied that they can treat the MIL, but she didn’t expect to feed some unknown dude. Well, a couple of days later, the lady called her son to demand an apology from his wife. She was on speaker, so the author heard it and loudly declared that she didn’t consider herself at fault. However, now the husband is giving her the cold shoulder, so the wife decided to seek support online.

A couple sits apart on a bed, showing tension after a confrontation about Thanksgiving food hogging by MIL.

Image credits: Ambreen / Freepik (not the actual photo)

In fact, there are no specific traditions regarding who should be served first at Thanksgiving or other family gatherings. However, some sources claim that elderly people, who are often the main breadwinners of the family, should be served first. At the same time, each family sets its own rules.

In any case, rushing to eat first – especially when others are being called to the table – seems quite inappropriate. “It is polite to wait until everyone is seated to begin eating. Whether it’s a casual meal or a formal feast, it is nice to wait until everyone is served or has had a chance to get food,” this dedicated article at KeaBabies claims as a number one table rule.

By the way, the advice we quoted above is aimed at kids, and it is assumed that adults will, by default, abide by the rules of the host household. And certainly not badmouth them from behind their backs, trying to turn the husband against the wife (and the mother-in-law partially succeeded, judging by the author’s own words).

People in the comments also agreed that the OP was, of course, right in the situation described, and that her spouse should’ve taken his wife’s side and stopped his mom’s attempts to drive a wedge between them. “Make it clear to him that he either backs you up, or he can sort his own meals,” one of the responders urged the woman. So what’s your opinion on this case?

Most commenters backed the author up and said that this is actually the same thing that her husband should’ve done too

Comments on forum showing MIL hogging Thanksgiving food and pouting when confronted by daughter-in-law.

Reddit discussion on MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet and family conflict over behavior and boundaries.

Screenshot of an online discussion about a mother-in-law hogging Thanksgiving food and the daughter-in-law confronting her.

Comment discussing handling a MIL who treats Thanksgiving like a free buffet and confronts food hogging behavior.

Screenshot of a heated online conversation about a MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet and hogging the food.

Mother-in-law treats Thanksgiving like a free buffet, hogging food and causing tension with daughter-in-law.

Comment about MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet and pouting when confronted by daughter-in-law.

Comment discussing a husband’s role during Thanksgiving when a MIL is hogging food and DIL confronts her about it.

Reddit comment praising confrontation with MIL who hogged Thanksgiving food and pouted when challenged by daughter-in-law.

Comment advising to ignore MIL's behavior during Thanksgiving like a free buffet and handle the situation calmly.

Comment text on a forum discussing a MIL hogging Thanksgiving food and conflict with DIL.

Comment discussing MIL hogging Thanksgiving food and the DIL confronting her about the behavior.

Comment text discussing how MIL was unwelcome and should only attend events to which she was invited, related to Thanksgiving food hogging.

Comment on a forum post discussing a MIL treating Thanksgiving like a free buffet by hogging food and pouting when confronted by DIL.

Comment discussing food insecurity and poor manners of a mother-in-law hogging Thanksgiving food and causing family conflict.

Comment suggesting husband cook Thanksgiving dinner for his mother after MIL hogs food and pouts during confrontation with DIL.

Reddit comment addressing MIL hogging Thanksgiving food and the husband being a doormat in the family conflict.

Commenter coralwaters226 questioning if MIL heard the secret from hubby during Thanksgiving family conflict.

Comment discussing a MIL problem during Thanksgiving, mentioning issues with therapy and family confrontation.

Comment asking why the husband is not serving himself and helping with making plates for the kids during Thanksgiving.

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