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“She Was Cheating”: 65 Moments Men Realized Their Lives Would Never Be The Same
Society has come a long way in recent decades, but one issue we still have is that in many cultures, men are conditioned to repress their feelings. Toxic masculinity has convinced many men that showing emotions and opening up about their personal lives are somehow signs of weakness.
But everyone goes through terrible times, and everyone deserves the opportunity to receive support. Men on Reddit have recently been recalling some of the most devastating days they’ve experienced. From losing a partner to finding out a terrible truth about a loved one, these are the kinds of experiences that change a person. We’ll warn you right now, pandas, that these stories might hit home. But we hope they’ll simultaneously serve as a reminder that you never know what someone else is going through.
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#2
The day the person my spouse was cheating on me with, contacted me. She told him we were divorced, he found out we weren't, and he was feeling massive guilt. It wasn't his fault. I don't hold it against him and I'm eternally greatful for his honesty.
#3
Had a stuffed toy from birth.
Parents burnt it on a bbq and made me watch as punishment for some b******t i did as a kid.
Love for my mother died with that stuffed toy. As did my childhood.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 21 minutes ago
My mom did this with so many of my toys. And a few of my pets. Most of the times she would take the pet and give it to someone else that she knew, but I never found out what she did with my rabbit Snowball. I got in trouble with my mom because I failed a math quiz in school (I was 7) and Snowball disappeared overnight. Knowing my mom, she took Snowball to the park across the street and just tossed her out of the car. A few years later, I "didn't clean my room" to her standards and she took my Pomeranian, Champ, and gave her to a family friend. I never saw my dog again. I'm 44 now and haven't forgotten a single time that she punished me by taking the things I loved the most and destroying them/getting rid of them.
#4
Threw a 40th birthday party. Smoked a bunch of meat, did up a bunch of sides/food. Invited about 20 people. Got a few RSVP's too. Ive hosted folks plenty of times and usually have decent turn out.
Day of though? Not a soul showed up. Didn't even get any texts/calls. Got rather drunk by myself that day. Ate the sad BBQ over the next week.
I dont host parties or really celebrate my birthdays anymore. Slowly attempting to find a better social circle, but its been tough.
So that experience k****d a number of things in me.
#5
A spouse admitted to me that they were no longer attracted to me and that they hadn’t enjoyed our s****l relationships for several years.
#6
The day I realized some friendships were only alive because I kept putting in all the effort.
#7
The day someone sent me a local news article with a big pic of my dad's face. "Local man arrested for posting child p**n".
#8
When I watched her drive away in the rain for the last time. I found out later that day she was cheating on me. I died twice that day.
#9
When my mom, suffering from dementia, said to me "Your face looks familiar". That's when I knew my mom was d**d and we would just have to wait for her body to admit it, which took about a year.
#10
When my best friend of more than a decade uninvited me to her wedding, about 3 weeks before the day.
We were clearly at different levels of friendship, and I've never forgotten how awful it felt to realize that while she was my best friend of more than a decade I was merely someone she knew. I've never viewed friendships the same, that pain haunts me still.
About 5 years after that she messaged me literally asking "why aren't we friends anymore?". I was so unimportant that she actually forgot that she had uninvited me and that we had a huge fight about it and that we stopped talking because of it.
#11
The evening in which my husband took his own life. He was a logger and a log-truck driver and he got into an accident one day (not his fault). The accident ruined his lower spine and surgery didn't help.
So he sat around in pain every day.
This was a man who loved the outdoors: hunting, fishing, and just traipsing around in the back country with his dog, Spanky.
Well, one evening at 8:39 pm he just decided that he'd had enough. Took a .45 and sh*t himself through the left ear.
I was there when he did it. I saw him do it. In a way it was a huge relief. But it's been 20 years and I miss him every day.
#14
February 16 2024. When she told me: "Go talk about your feelings with someone who cares. I am not that person".
#15
The day i realized no one was coming to save me.
#16
The only thing that matters is if you are useful to others.
Gerry Higgins 54 minutes ago
It's good to be useful, but they need to give something back or you're just a doormat.
#17
I've been arguing with my step mom recently. Told me that my relationships are transactional and then didn't say she loved me on my birthday.
Turns out love IS conditional, and if I'm not receiving the same validation, respect, and awareness, it's going to make it very hard for me to do the same.
#18
That day you realize a friendship is basically over but nobody says it out loud, you just slowly stop talking until it’s done.
#19
Day I needed my mother emotionally but when I went to her. Her dementia was finally obvious… that woman was already gone….
#20
I fairly recently realized that a shocking amount of what I do and how I live my life is a lot more motivated by the little boy who just wanted his frigid a*****e of a dad to be proud of him. It ate me up when I realized I’m jealous of my own 13 month old daughter because of how cutesy and loving my now retired dad is with her. I really realized that I’m 30 years old and I’m still just fishing for that “i’m proud of you son” from a guy I don’t even really *like* very much. Then i look at my daughter and I wonder in 30 years what is she going to be secretly wanting from me that i failed to give her? I hope when we get there the answer is nothing but I doubt it.
#21
Wife and I were having an argument and it was getting way past the point of being productive. I told her I needed to cool off and went down into the basement to chill. She followed me and continued, backing me into a literal corner with her finger pointed, yelling. Just seeing the fire and venom in her eyes, I knew I had pushed her well past the point of no return - at that moment I felt something inside d*e & I knew my marriage was over.
#22
Coming back from Iraq and realizing that the propaganda wasn’t true and I wasn’t the “hero” I thought I was at 19.
#23
The day I lost my soulmate to a brain aneurysm. That was in 2013 and my heart still hasn’t fully healed. Not sure it ever will.
#24
My then girlfriend was pressuring me to get a new job.
I'd been working at the same place for 20 years and it was a decent job, but I was never going to get rich.
I applied for a tech installer job at the big cable company in town. Lots of applicants. Went to two interviews and it came down to me and another guy.
Anyway, I finally get a call saying they went with the other guy because he had A+ certification and I didn't yet.
I got the call at lunchtime and went home to tell my girlfriend the bad news. She opened the door and could tell something was wrong. I was really bummed and just wanted a hug, but when I told her the bad news she flew into a rage.
She berated me for not getting the job. Her face turned red and veins were sticking out of her neck. I'd never had her direct her wrath at me before although I knew she was capable of it.
It stunned me. Her vitriol was over the top. She finally calmed down, but it broke something. The person I loved more than anyone had just shattered something I thought we had between us.
That was the beginning of the end, sadly, and we had "the talk" a few months later.
#25
My ex wife came out as gay. Completely blindsided. She used me for health insurance and to get her masters degree. Admitted that that was the case and that she had been having an affair with a woman I worked with.
She had no remorse for lying to me for 9 years, destroyed my home life, destroyed my professional life, took my son and just moved out.
Left a note on the dining room table. I was distraught, almost took my life. My dad drove 16 hours to come stay with me for a month.
20 years later and I still have trust issues.
Edit: not that it matters but last I knew she lived with her aging mother with dementia and is miserable. We still have mutual friends.
#26
I remember I was tasked, not asked, to cook dinner for like 30+ people on a family vacation. I prepped everything and was again tasked with making mac and cheese for my sister's kids. I cooked chicken, mushrooms, and burgers on a tiny a*s grill as it started to rain. No one kept me company. No one even held open the door or offered me a beer. I was the help and saw a party going on inside... and to top it all off? When I was done and cooked everything *perfectly?*. Main meal, sides, veggies, a dessert? They didn't even save me a seat or say thank you. I think I got maybe one "tastes good".... I love to cook and this/some other events means I don't think I'll cook for my family ever again.
#27
October, 25, 2016 - the day my uncle (my role model) died he always made sure that no matter how bad my life was when I wasn't with him that I had a safe space to be a kid when i was with him. I never got to thank him for that when he was alive.
#28
March 2024, single, no friends for thousands of miles, no family residing within a 6 hour drive. Best dog I’ll ever know was reaching the end of her months long battle with cancer. I made the call and got her on the schedule for at-home euthanasia for the next morning. I proceeded to unravel and didn’t sleep that night. I broke down many times, especially when laying out dog beds on my back porch where she could be comfortable during her last moments. I’ve never been hysterical before, unable to breathe or compose myself, until that day.
She bounced back and the next morning she was much, much better. I canceled the appointment. I never got better though. Something had changed.
We had a few more months together until I had to do it all over again, and there was no going back. Friday, June 21, 2024 obliterated me. And Monday my company announced they were laying off the entire engineering department which sent me in to a downward spiral.
Turns out the bonds you form with pets, particularly when you’re a bit of a loner, prioritizing your career over friendships and relationships, make the losses very difficult. Gee, who could have thought.
The hundreds of solo camping trips all over the country. Just my two dogs and myself. The joy they brought me to balance out an otherwise miserable existence. The nights in negative temperatures freezing with them huddled beside me miles away from civilization. I miss it. It’s been almost two years and it still s***s to reflect on.
And when you’ve lived that kind of life, the layoff announcement - a sign that your loyalty meant nothing, that you could have sought a better work/life balance and made normal life experiences like losing a beloved pet more tolerable, feels like pouring cement over your grave.
TL;DR pet loss will f**k you up when the best part about your life is the companionship you have in dogs that simply can’t be with you forever.
#29
May 10, 2011, A tuesday.
I woke to get ready for work, I walked into my sons room to check on his feeding pump, and he was laying barely responsive and not breathing. My son was handicapped, He had a feeding tube installed. He aspirated on his own saliva/spit up.
#30
February 6th 2024 when I found my eldest daughter d**d in bed with her 18mth old baby cuddling her,asleep. She had fallen "asleep" hugging him. I failed to revive her and I know the best part of me died that night.
#31
Probably the day that my wife had our first miscarriage.
We got married in 2017 and tried having children ever since. Finally happened in 2021. Went for ultrasound at 10-week mark just to check on everything; no fetal heartrate. Something broke in me that likely will never be fixed. Even when we had a successful pregnancy in 2023 and had our son, I couldn't get excited for any of it during the pregnancy in fear of what may happen.
We just had our second miscarriage in April this year and I just felt numb about it. I don't even know how to process something like that anymore.
#32
I have three from my time being a first responder. I had a rough childhood and was in the army as an infantryman but these were rough.
I was first on scene to a drown 3 year old girl, my son was 4 at the time. Her parents were upstairs, she snuck off, got out somehow and fell in the pool. Luckily dad found her quickly. I ran in and he handed me a completely lifeless little girl, not breathing and purple. Luckily FD was right behind me about 30 seconds so I handed her off to them. They brought her back to life in the ambulance. It was amazing.
I was first on scene to a girl that sh*t herself with a 410 judge that her fiancé had committed s*****e with the same pistol, in the same house a year earlier and it still had our evidence tag on it. It was returned to his family after the case was closed, she lived with them. I've been first to a lot of s**cides but that was brutal in a lot of ways. I can still taste and smell how that room was 5 years later.
I was first on scene to a mid 30s year old lady that drowned in her bathroom and her 6 and 4 Y/O daughters found her. She slipped getting out of the shower, knocked herself out, it somehow over filled, the door was jammed with her clothes and she drown in about 2 inches of water. I sat on the couch with her kids for 45 minutes watching SpongeBob while FD/EMS worked on her on the back room of the house. She was military, divorced and they had no family to come get them so I just sat with them. She didn’t make it and I waited with the kids about 2 hours for a family member . All I could think of was small me watching my mom d*e. It was pretty rough.
I’ve been to over 100 deaths, m*rders, auto fatalities, etc but those stick out. I’ve forgotten about most of them until one of my buddies starts talking about one and has to remind me.
#33
The day I decided to put my dog down. She had cancer and was getting worse by the day. I’ll never forget the way she tugged on her leash wanting to go home while we waited for the euthanasia room to be ready. I know logically it was the right thing to do but in some ways it feels like I k****d her. Haven’t been the same since.
#34
When I realized my relationship with my family (parents and sibling) was one-sided. When I stopped putting in effort, we just stopped talking. Glad my little family is solid (spouse and kids).
#35
The day I walked in on her in bed with someone else. Previously I had always had a positive outlook on people I was romantically involved with. After, I seriously question if two people can ever be happy together long term.
#37
When I accidentally discovered that the love of my live with whom I've been living for 10 years was lesbian.
#38
I was s******l for ten years and hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t know how to reach out. And one night I felt like I couldn’t hold on anymore so I blurted out to my wife that I was s******l and I needed help. She stared at me and said, “I don’t know what to do with that.” I knew that I was on my own at that point. I love her, but she is emotionally stunted. That came from how she was raised. I’m much better now, by the way. Mushrooms took care of the bad thoughts.
#39
When my mum accidentally let slip that I was the child to save the marriage. He’d already left at this point.
#40
I was always sick as a child. Respiratory issues and more. It came out early in that I was allergic to tobacco and my mother, being a smoker kept smoking in the house.
Once, at a dinner party with her friends which I was at, they asked her why she never stopped smoking if it was making me so sick.
She casually "joked" that she must love smoking more than she loved me. Fell flat on the crowd for obvious reasons. Little me died inside.
BPD parents gone BPD.
#41
Emotional a***e is real, and it'll destroy even the strongest people in time. When that day comes, you turn into a different person with little to no hope of ever coming back.
You just pray that moving forward puts you in a better place for all around you, including yourself.
#42
The day I realized I could not rationalize with irrational people.
I always assumed growing up, that you could always get through to someone with the right combination of words. Be it either, speech, inspirational quote, or just basic logic.
A part of me died the day I realized that some people are very comfortable believing in their lies, and no amount of logic, or reason, will ever change that. Some people are just lost, forever.
#43
The day my cat of 18 years died.
Sara Frazer 19 minutes ago (edited)
😭 I have 3 boy cats who I love very, very much. They've been comfort and unconditional love in tough times. My youngest is my little velcro cat who follows me everywhere, he'll sit outside the bathroom when I shower, squeaking (I've tried to leave the door open, he doesn't want to come in because WATER lol). I'm so scared thinking about how one day they'll leave this earth....😭 Like, can you guys live happy and healthy forever please?? 💔
#44
The day my last relationship ended. Ever since then I've just been a burned out hollow shell of a person.
#45
A week before Christmas in 2022 when I got a phonecall to tell me my sister had taken her own life.
#46
My dad died 4 months ago and all I want is to know he'll be waiting for me when I d*e. I miss him so much.
#48
The day my dad didn't show up to my graduation. Not a call, not a text, nothing. I stood there scanning the crowd thinking maybe he was just late, and at some point I just... stopped looking. Something shifted that day and I think that was the moment I truly stopped waiting for him to become the parent I needed him to be.
#50
Having hot chili paste stuffed into my face, eyes, mouth as I slept, as punishment from my parents when I was about 11. I lost a lot of my human-ity that day.
I wish I was making this up.
#51
When I was SA'd by a family friend when I was only 9 or 10. And then my parents continued to stay friends with the guy and his family even after I reported it. Felt like my whole childhood ended that night.
#52
I had a very vivid imagination as a child and routinely played alone with my toys. Going on adventures, replaying alternate endings of movies or shows very standard imaginative kid play.
We moved when I was 12 or so, when I unpacked my toys and set them up in my room I was all excited and I unpacked them and the feeling wasn’t the same.
Whether it was going through the grief of missing my old house or something entirely different about getting older, I realized that the spark of the play was gone.
#53
The time I was holding my wife and said “I love you” and she replied “I want someone different.” I stayed awake that night and listened as her phone received text after text from that “someone” else. She later moved him into my home. It got worse - much worse.
But that’s the night I stopped believing in happiness.
#54
Walked in on my dad crying alone in the garage after my mom left. never said a word about it. neither did he. i was 11 and something in me just... understood the world differently after that.
#55
One of my best friends died last year in a car accident. I arrived from a horrible Vacation, where almost everything went to s**t and I was so happy when I finally get out of that plane and then I got the message, that he died last night.
I could not even cry, not one tear. I just was standing there and didn't know what to do, what to say and what now.
At the evening I went to my other friends, we were just sitting there, drinking some beers. And everyone cried and tried to say something about him.
But I was just sitting there. Calm and sad. But somehow I felt like something inside me died too.
Miss him.
#56
When my son was k****d.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 minutes ago
OP's son was in a Jeep with his friends, hanging out a window while the Jeep was doing doughnuts. OP's son was only 20.
#57
When I realized that in my environment, all my life, the only one having my back, is me. No one is gonna stand up for me, so I’m going to. Even as a kid, no one really had my back.
#58
Went on a cousins vacation with 4 of my adult cousins. Not a single one of them would make even the smallest decision about anything. “What do you want to do?”-me “i dont know im down for whatever” - all 4 of them. Mentally, something in me broke that trip. I felt like a mother duck with 4 fully grown clueless ducks following me. I hate having to think for an entire group. How the f**k does no one have a preference or idea during an entire trip.
#59
March 8th, 2024: I was a passenger in a bad rollover accident which resulted in my hospitalization due to partial scalping and the tip of one finger being partially severed. Fortunately, the scalp grew back, the finger was reattached and the pain, though the worst I've ever felt *by far*, was managable even without the benefit of pain meds (turns out intravenous opiods just kinda don't do anything for me).
The worst part about it, by far, was when my wife walked into the ICU and saw me in that state for the first time. She'd just lost her mother three weeks previously, and knowing that I'd almost put her through that pain a second time just broke something inside of me. I'll carry the guilt from that as long as I live.
#60
When my car died on the highway while I was trying to get to my pregnant and sick wife who needed a ride. It just crashed in that I was truly not a child anymore and adult life was not going to be easy.
#61
The day I found out my two children are not biologically mine. Still love them more than words can convey, but I really felt a part of me disappear that day. Knowing someone, who I was in a ‘loving’ relationship with, could do that to me and lie about it.
#62
The day I heard a girl I liked quite much telling the guy she was dating ”now that we’re completely honest with each other.. I love that mynamehere”. I felt great and relieved and pretty awesome.
….For a few nanoseconds before she continued with ”but my feelings for you are stronger and I want to be with you.”.
#63
When she cheated on me. I didn’t know heartbreak like I did. I’ve never been the same since.
#64
Forth of July weekend 2015. Found out my wife had been having an affair for over a year. When I confronted her about it all she said was “🤷♂️ my bad”.
#65
I’ve got 2:
1) When a gf of 2.5 years and I had a rough patch, I said to her “Sometimes it feels like I’m not a part of your world, just in your orbit” to which she responded “Yes, you aren’t a part of my world, you are in my orbit”.
2) More recently I had another breakup because she didn’t want kids anymore and I did. Found her dating profile saying how she wants them actually, so I feel kinda off that she lied about it so we’d break up.
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