Teen Has A Meltdown During Family Christmas After Her Dad’s New Wife Tries To Become Her Mom
Christmas and families are intrinsically interlinked, but there’s also a fair share of challenges that arise when you combine the two.
For Reddit user Any-Might7823, they turned out to be too big to handle.
A few days ago, she shared a raw and personal account of her holidays, during which her father and his second wife pushed the teenager to accept the lady as her new mother, and continuously ignored her boundaries.
It got so bad that she had a full-blown meltdown in front of everyone.
When communication breaks down within a family, the problems only exacerbate
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For this teenager, it happened on Christmas
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Any-Might7823
Sadly, the stepmother-stepdaughter relationship is often difficult
Image credits: NEOSiAM 2024+ / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and parents, gets many inquiries from both stepmothers and stepdaughters about difficulties in their relationships.
According to her, this particular dynamic seems to be an inherently tricky one. “This is a dreadful shame because if all of the jealousy, envy and competitiveness were not issues, this relationship could be a wonderful one for stepdaughters and stepmothers everywhere,” Greenberg explained.
“This is not to say that all stepmoms and stepdaughters don’t get along, but I have seen too many of these relationships go awry and cause complications and stress for everyone involved.”
But some people manage to make it work
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It should probably go without saying, but such a fallout doesn’t help anyone, especially the kids. Luckily, research suggests that over time, things usually get better.
For example, there was a study of 40 stepfather and 20 stepmother families, half of which had a male and half of which had a female “target” child (aged 9–12 yrs). Its findings reveal that the longer stepdaughters lived in a biological father–stepmother household, the more positive the stepmother-stepdaughter relationships were.
This is great because the study also concluded that more positive stepparent-stepchild relationships were associated with lower inhibition and aggression ratings for male and female stepchildren and with higher self-esteem scores for females.
Hopefully, these folks will sort it out.
As the confession went viral, many expressed their support for the teen
With a few differing opinions here and there
The YTA people seemed to have completely missed the part where OP explained how they view their relationship with their mother. "Oh, the wife was just trying to be a mother ewtce ectc" which OP has told them they didn't want. As well as explaining the different treatment with their sisters also bothered them. Sure OP could've been nicer but was obviously at wit's end for literally not having their feelings acknowledged and respected throughout their life. Absolutely NTA and those "YTA" people can f**k right off.
Agreed! “You were asked to stand in a photo…”. Nope. You have been pressured for years into a relationship you don’t want and the photo was just the last straw. She’s been trying to set these boundaries for years and is ignored each time. She had every right to get angry.
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Kids are actual human beings. You cannot make them love you. By forcing it they're pretty much guaranteeing the moment she's out of the house she never calls again. Why would they even try to force it? For those who think 17 is too old to blow up, I'd refer you to the many grown adults who freak out over far less, and remind you that your brain isn't finished cooking until around 25, and that emotions aren't always rational and self-control isn't always possible. Crime of passion vs premeditated
Plus OP has had six years of this unrelenting pressure, and just reached her very frustrated breaking point. Had she been a baby when her mom died, it would be different, as her stepmother actually would’ve been the only mother she could remember—-though even in that scenario, making sure OP knew as much as possible about her mother would be respectful of the woman who gave birth to her and loved her first, and would be so much appreciated by OP, if not immediately then at least when OP grew up. But she was eleven, not one or two, and has definite memories of her mother. She was also old enough for the stepmother to have sat down and told her she didn’t intend to replace her mother, but to be there for her as someone who cares about her as if she were her own. Then she should’ve simply stepped back and let OP come around on her own and in her own time, while still doing all the basics that a parent does (taking OP shopping for school clothes and supplies, arranging birthdays—-though always with OP’s input—-making sure vacations included activities OP would enjoy too, etc). Had a much softer, authoritative approach been employed, instead of the authoritarian approach of forcing OP to immediately accept stepmother as mom, maybe OP would feel very differently.
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My wife and I split up over six years ago. My daughter now has two new people in her life, my partner and her Mum’s partner. Neither demands a particular type of relationship nor to be a replacement for Mum or Dad. It’s weird, we’ve found that our daughter has chosen how to relate to the new adults in her life, she’s been able to work it out with our help, we’ve not forced her to become what she doesn’t want to be. She may be a child but she’s a human being with thoughts and emotions, FFS let your child find their way with your help not your insistence or to satisfy your needs.
It helps that none of us (with the exception of youngests dad and his new wife, though still not outright and right in front of our son) put the other parent or step parent down, or bad mouth each other, and all show each other and the children respect for their own feelings and boundaries. I feel like it's always harder when a child loses a parent, even without the attempt to force said child to accept new partner as "a replacement" parent
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NTA. Stepmum has clearly been trampling boundries and ignoring OPs wishes since day one. Should have gone the route of a "You had a mom, and I will never be able to replace her. I hope we can be friends, and I want you to know that I will always be here for you if you want advice or support, or just some female solidarity."
Don’t forget that OP’s father never once stepped in and put the brakes on it, but joined in with trying to force OP to replace a mother she remembered with this virtual stranger who is apparently trying to erase her from OP’s memory. Daddy really fell down on the job when he prioritized his new wife over his child.
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I suspect the dad is the major problem here. I can see a situation where he and the new wife, during the dating phase, had a few conversations where dad says he's worried about the daughter growing up with no mother. This lady, having her heart strings tugged, agreed to step into the role and had been doing her best to be a mom to an unwilling participant. Had she and the father ever bothered to listen to the daughter, all of this could have been so different. The simple act of listening and respecting the girls feelings would have allowed a relationship to organically develop and the step mom to have some sort of relationship. Instead we have the byproduct of ego and these parents are at risk of losing this girl. Hopefully this was a wake up call and the adults will start acting like adults and show empathy. If not, this girl will leave and never look back. Ego driven stupid makes for a sad story.
NTA. People who recommend having "a calm conversation with dad" don't seem to have read the post. She did have multiple conversations with him and his wife, but they obviously didn't get the message. Just because someone is technically a part of your family doesn't mean you automatically become super close and develop deep family feelings towards each other. Love and friendship can't be forced. You cannot ask someone to see and love you as their mother. It either happens naturally because you form an emotional bond, or it doesn't, and there is nothing you can do about it.
No is a complete sentence, and if you push someone's boundaries, you're going to have a really bad time. The father and step mother brought this on themselves, and by selfishly pushing for a relationship past the breaking point, they've almost certainly lost her forever. Hope they enjoyed it while it lasted, because welcome to NC land.
Not to be rude, but this is such a normal thing that there have been countless books and movies about it. It’s painful, but no one needs to be the judge and jury of which of the people involved is a bad person.
There have been several, but they don't matter in that we are discussing OPs description of how her life has been fighting this battle with grown-assed adults for nearly four years. It's incredibly clear who the bad guys are, and they would be the ones trying to force a teenager to accept a replacement for her recently deceased Mom. Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
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NTA. My mother died when I was six. Had my father remarried someone who was trying to push her agenda on us kids, she would have been met with immediate resistance. OP'S dad is the biggest problem here. Instead of listening to his daughter, he went full-steam ahead with trying to find a "replacement" for his deceased wife. As harsh as it may have been, OP, after years of having her feelings dismissed, was on the mark in letting her father's wife have it with both barrels. She and her husband simply chose to ignore the fact that OP had no interest in accepting her as a second mom. (I suspect that the tears the wife shed were crocodilian in nature.) OP provided all the family counseling needed in one blowup. Maybe she can move in with some other family members until she turns 18. Her dad and his wife need time to process what was said.
I love the way some people immediately cry "therapy" if someone has a different view of a situation than they! OP is pressured into a relationship she doesn't want or need. The ironic thing is, her father and stepmother want to be real parents, but their actions towards "their" daughter makes it clear they do not have her best interests at heart.
The dad and stepmom are making a mistake, you don't tell a teenager what relationship you have, you let them decide. Be there, be open, be ready but above all show respect. This couple is only setting up resentment in this girl. However at 17, you can develop enough self-control to not intentionally wound someone with, "I don't love you". That is the only immaturity she showed but it's understandable.
At 17 years old, after 3-4 years of being told “This woman is your new mother; you must love her; you have no choice,” her response actually seems kinda tame.
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Don't think anyone's TA in this situation. A little girl lost her mother and that's a horrible thing to happen to a young girl, No one could ever replace a mother who left her babies too soon. However the father should be allowed to move on and remarry and fortunately he seemed to find a new wife who not only accepted his previous life and his kids, but also actively tried to develop a relationship with them. Hopefully overtime these 2 can at least develop a friendship if not an actual family relationship. This stepmom genuinely seems like she wants to be a loving part of this girl's life but perhaps she needs to rethink her role as the "new mom"
Forcing a relationship is very different from developing a relationship.
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Still confused about why the older sisters weren't expected to do this as well. Yeah, they're grown, but if you're wanting to be a "family" everyone should be included. It's obvious mom#2 is trying... But she's trying too hard, and ignoring your stepchild's feelings is not the way to fix it. Kid's feelings are legitimate. While I don't condone the blow up at Christmas... I can hardly blame her for doing so, and probably would have done the same thing..
I suspect that the reason SM didn't try to force a relationship with the older siblings is because they were past the age of being easily manipulated and intimidated. What could be a better victim than someone under the age of 18? The woman knew full well that she would be met with serious opposition from OP. But her dad allowed the forced attempts and turned a blind eye and deaf ear to his own daughter. The stepmother got smacked in the face with the truth, and deserved the tongue-lashing she received.
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I can't believe people actually think OP is the AH here. Their behavior towards her was crazy. She has a mom and didn't want another suddenly at 14! If stepmom had tried to just be friendly, they probably could have had a decent relationship, but since she was so pushy about it, it had the opposite affect.
Not only that but OP voiced their dislike of this forcing multiple times. This is just the straw that broke the camels back
Load More Replies... All the YTA people have obviously never been around a parent that did this to a kid. My EX would constantly try to make her kids from a previous marriage call the new guy Dad. Let the kids make the decision. If you are worthy of it, they will engage you and build from there.
The OP has every right to set the boundaries and relationship that they feel comfortable with, but I still feel bad for the step-mother. Seems like she just really wants to be involved and have a close family relationship and thought she could develop that with the youngest which is the rational choice. Sad part is, a better and closer relationship probably would have developed if they hadn't tired so hard to force it. I think the step-mother could also just open things up to the older sisters to help.
It's possible that subconsciously you know there is something "off" about your father's wife. I believe you should pay attention to your quiet voice, and how it is leading you.
I was 6 when my dad died. My mom cause been with my current step dad since I was 11-12. I HATED HIM. For more than one reason, until about 4-5 years ago. I'll be 30 this year. He never tried to be my dad either.
Step-parents need to stop trying to force themselves on the children. Maybe this step-mother was in fact trying to please her husband, but not taking the kids point of view into consideration is wrong. You can't force affection. Doing so will backfire - just like it has in this instance.
All the YTA people need to step several steps back and see that OP's dad and stepmom are essentially attempting to force her to see stepmom as her mom while respecting that the older sisters don't see her that way. And they did this to someone who was 13 at the time and grieving her mom. They are trying to force a relationship that OP doesn't want and they are going to lose her because of it.
Exactly what JayWantsACat said, and something else, the older sisters were treated differently.
My late husbands children by his first marriage were 3 and 9 when we first met. They did not want any type of relationship with me (and were quite nasty and cruel to me even after he passed away). They did want a relationship with my kids by first marriage and my parents. But their mother was always still in the picture and she didn’t want them to have a relationship with me so she fed that to the kids. We only got to see them on a visitation schedule so I would plan fun activities for their visits that they could do or not do. They were even more cruel to me after he passed, telling everyone he was trying to divorce me when he passed. Not at all true and it hurt me terribly. I never pushed for a relationship and put a great distance between myself and them for several years while allowing them to have the relationships with the rest of family. Five years have passed since he died and this past Christmas we were all together for one day. The oldest now in college, youngest in hs.
We were finally able to coexist and actually had a good visit for the first time since about a year before my husband passed away. I’m not going to pretend some years were not tough. After they were so cruel to me, I opted to stay in our bedroom on the weekends they visited and asked my husband to keep their activities to the other side of the house. All this to say, you can’t force children of any age to have a relationship they don’t want. You can only do your best to allow them their time with their parents and hope that one day they will recognize that you’ve been reaching out in love all this time and only want them to be happy and loved. Sometimes they will accept it. Sometimes they will not. But as the adult you do not have the right to force anything on them.
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I think soft NAH, definitely OP isn’t an a*****e, but I also don’t think her dad’s wife was intentionally being pushy. It seems like she genuinely cared for OP, but she definitely needs to be more respectful of boundaries.
Esh them for trying to replace her mom and not listening that she wasn't interested. Her for the I don't live you remark (even if true). I think they should just leave the teenage daughter alone. Stop trying to be the perfect family because she's not interested. But she also needs to know what all that may entail and that it might not be as sweet as she thinks.
YTA on the teen for the shouting, but stepmom should have aimed for a cordial relationship first and taken it from there. She sounds like someone who genuinely wants to help a sad teenager and make them happy, but the kid shot recognize that she does a lot of what a Mom is expected to do. Stepmom is pushing too hard, when they should have had a long talk when Dad remarried. Thoughts on feelings and boundaries, with the assertion that they will be there for the kid if they are needed or wanted, but in the meantime, be supportive in the background. Stepmom needs to get to know each kid individually, and not go through the motions of playing Mommy as an expectation. Date someone, also date their kids.
OP constantly expressed their dislike of the forcing of "family" and wasn't listened to which is why they snapped and yelled and honestly I don't blame them
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But the entire crux of OPs issue is that Dad and the new wife *were* trying to make OP accept her as Mom, not step-mom and that she (OP) was step-monster's daughter, not step-daughter. And yes teens can often be moody, sullen, and irrational. But what they can also be is so entrenched in an emotional battle with the grown-assed adults in her life that should know better that she leaves home as soon as possible and never looks back. Step-mother might well be in the parental role by virtue of her marriage, but that doesn't give her automatic right to a mother-daughter relationship she hasn't earned with OP.
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If you're caring and affectionate, you listen to the other person and put yourself in their shoes, trying to understand where they come from but the step-mum doesn't do that, so I will leave the obvious conclusion to draw to you. Don't forget that being caring and affectionate doesn't mean forcing yourself on someone: that's more of a control thing. Also, this is the wrong moment to try to establish this kind of relationship. At the age OP is at, children tend to want to become their own person, so they stop sharing everything with their parents.
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The woman is trying to do the right thing, at least by her husband. She is not doing the right thing by her husband’s child, and if she is still this inept after several years, it sounds as though she lacks the basic empathy, emotional intelligence and listening skills to be a parent anyway. There appears to be a good chance that she has already burnt the chances of having a good relationship with the OP to the ground, and is continuing to do the same with the OP’s relationship with the father.
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The YTA people seemed to have completely missed the part where OP explained how they view their relationship with their mother. "Oh, the wife was just trying to be a mother ewtce ectc" which OP has told them they didn't want. As well as explaining the different treatment with their sisters also bothered them. Sure OP could've been nicer but was obviously at wit's end for literally not having their feelings acknowledged and respected throughout their life. Absolutely NTA and those "YTA" people can f**k right off.
Agreed! “You were asked to stand in a photo…”. Nope. You have been pressured for years into a relationship you don’t want and the photo was just the last straw. She’s been trying to set these boundaries for years and is ignored each time. She had every right to get angry.
Load More Replies... Kids are actual human beings. You cannot make them love you. By forcing it they're pretty much guaranteeing the moment she's out of the house she never calls again. Why would they even try to force it? For those who think 17 is too old to blow up, I'd refer you to the many grown adults who freak out over far less, and remind you that your brain isn't finished cooking until around 25, and that emotions aren't always rational and self-control isn't always possible. Crime of passion vs premeditated
Plus OP has had six years of this unrelenting pressure, and just reached her very frustrated breaking point. Had she been a baby when her mom died, it would be different, as her stepmother actually would’ve been the only mother she could remember—-though even in that scenario, making sure OP knew as much as possible about her mother would be respectful of the woman who gave birth to her and loved her first, and would be so much appreciated by OP, if not immediately then at least when OP grew up. But she was eleven, not one or two, and has definite memories of her mother. She was also old enough for the stepmother to have sat down and told her she didn’t intend to replace her mother, but to be there for her as someone who cares about her as if she were her own. Then she should’ve simply stepped back and let OP come around on her own and in her own time, while still doing all the basics that a parent does (taking OP shopping for school clothes and supplies, arranging birthdays—-though always with OP’s input—-making sure vacations included activities OP would enjoy too, etc). Had a much softer, authoritative approach been employed, instead of the authoritarian approach of forcing OP to immediately accept stepmother as mom, maybe OP would feel very differently.
Load More Replies... My wife and I split up over six years ago. My daughter now has two new people in her life, my partner and her Mum’s partner. Neither demands a particular type of relationship nor to be a replacement for Mum or Dad. It’s weird, we’ve found that our daughter has chosen how to relate to the new adults in her life, she’s been able to work it out with our help, we’ve not forced her to become what she doesn’t want to be. She may be a child but she’s a human being with thoughts and emotions, FFS let your child find their way with your help not your insistence or to satisfy your needs.
It helps that none of us (with the exception of youngests dad and his new wife, though still not outright and right in front of our son) put the other parent or step parent down, or bad mouth each other, and all show each other and the children respect for their own feelings and boundaries. I feel like it's always harder when a child loses a parent, even without the attempt to force said child to accept new partner as "a replacement" parent
Load More Replies... NTA. Stepmum has clearly been trampling boundries and ignoring OPs wishes since day one. Should have gone the route of a "You had a mom, and I will never be able to replace her. I hope we can be friends, and I want you to know that I will always be here for you if you want advice or support, or just some female solidarity."
Don’t forget that OP’s father never once stepped in and put the brakes on it, but joined in with trying to force OP to replace a mother she remembered with this virtual stranger who is apparently trying to erase her from OP’s memory. Daddy really fell down on the job when he prioritized his new wife over his child.
Load More Replies... I suspect the dad is the major problem here. I can see a situation where he and the new wife, during the dating phase, had a few conversations where dad says he's worried about the daughter growing up with no mother. This lady, having her heart strings tugged, agreed to step into the role and had been doing her best to be a mom to an unwilling participant. Had she and the father ever bothered to listen to the daughter, all of this could have been so different. The simple act of listening and respecting the girls feelings would have allowed a relationship to organically develop and the step mom to have some sort of relationship. Instead we have the byproduct of ego and these parents are at risk of losing this girl. Hopefully this was a wake up call and the adults will start acting like adults and show empathy. If not, this girl will leave and never look back. Ego driven stupid makes for a sad story.
NTA. People who recommend having "a calm conversation with dad" don't seem to have read the post. She did have multiple conversations with him and his wife, but they obviously didn't get the message. Just because someone is technically a part of your family doesn't mean you automatically become super close and develop deep family feelings towards each other. Love and friendship can't be forced. You cannot ask someone to see and love you as their mother. It either happens naturally because you form an emotional bond, or it doesn't, and there is nothing you can do about it.
No is a complete sentence, and if you push someone's boundaries, you're going to have a really bad time. The father and step mother brought this on themselves, and by selfishly pushing for a relationship past the breaking point, they've almost certainly lost her forever. Hope they enjoyed it while it lasted, because welcome to NC land.
Not to be rude, but this is such a normal thing that there have been countless books and movies about it. It’s painful, but no one needs to be the judge and jury of which of the people involved is a bad person.
There have been several, but they don't matter in that we are discussing OPs description of how her life has been fighting this battle with grown-assed adults for nearly four years. It's incredibly clear who the bad guys are, and they would be the ones trying to force a teenager to accept a replacement for her recently deceased Mom. Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
Load More Replies... NTA. My mother died when I was six. Had my father remarried someone who was trying to push her agenda on us kids, she would have been met with immediate resistance. OP'S dad is the biggest problem here. Instead of listening to his daughter, he went full-steam ahead with trying to find a "replacement" for his deceased wife. As harsh as it may have been, OP, after years of having her feelings dismissed, was on the mark in letting her father's wife have it with both barrels. She and her husband simply chose to ignore the fact that OP had no interest in accepting her as a second mom. (I suspect that the tears the wife shed were crocodilian in nature.) OP provided all the family counseling needed in one blowup. Maybe she can move in with some other family members until she turns 18. Her dad and his wife need time to process what was said.
I love the way some people immediately cry "therapy" if someone has a different view of a situation than they! OP is pressured into a relationship she doesn't want or need. The ironic thing is, her father and stepmother want to be real parents, but their actions towards "their" daughter makes it clear they do not have her best interests at heart.
The dad and stepmom are making a mistake, you don't tell a teenager what relationship you have, you let them decide. Be there, be open, be ready but above all show respect. This couple is only setting up resentment in this girl. However at 17, you can develop enough self-control to not intentionally wound someone with, "I don't love you". That is the only immaturity she showed but it's understandable.
At 17 years old, after 3-4 years of being told “This woman is your new mother; you must love her; you have no choice,” her response actually seems kinda tame.
Load More Replies... Don't think anyone's TA in this situation. A little girl lost her mother and that's a horrible thing to happen to a young girl, No one could ever replace a mother who left her babies too soon. However the father should be allowed to move on and remarry and fortunately he seemed to find a new wife who not only accepted his previous life and his kids, but also actively tried to develop a relationship with them. Hopefully overtime these 2 can at least develop a friendship if not an actual family relationship. This stepmom genuinely seems like she wants to be a loving part of this girl's life but perhaps she needs to rethink her role as the "new mom"
Forcing a relationship is very different from developing a relationship.
Load More Replies... Still confused about why the older sisters weren't expected to do this as well. Yeah, they're grown, but if you're wanting to be a "family" everyone should be included. It's obvious mom#2 is trying... But she's trying too hard, and ignoring your stepchild's feelings is not the way to fix it. Kid's feelings are legitimate. While I don't condone the blow up at Christmas... I can hardly blame her for doing so, and probably would have done the same thing..
I suspect that the reason SM didn't try to force a relationship with the older siblings is because they were past the age of being easily manipulated and intimidated. What could be a better victim than someone under the age of 18? The woman knew full well that she would be met with serious opposition from OP. But her dad allowed the forced attempts and turned a blind eye and deaf ear to his own daughter. The stepmother got smacked in the face with the truth, and deserved the tongue-lashing she received.
Load More Replies... I can't believe people actually think OP is the AH here. Their behavior towards her was crazy. She has a mom and didn't want another suddenly at 14! If stepmom had tried to just be friendly, they probably could have had a decent relationship, but since she was so pushy about it, it had the opposite affect.
Not only that but OP voiced their dislike of this forcing multiple times. This is just the straw that broke the camels back
Load More Replies... All the YTA people have obviously never been around a parent that did this to a kid. My EX would constantly try to make her kids from a previous marriage call the new guy Dad. Let the kids make the decision. If you are worthy of it, they will engage you and build from there.
The OP has every right to set the boundaries and relationship that they feel comfortable with, but I still feel bad for the step-mother. Seems like she just really wants to be involved and have a close family relationship and thought she could develop that with the youngest which is the rational choice. Sad part is, a better and closer relationship probably would have developed if they hadn't tired so hard to force it. I think the step-mother could also just open things up to the older sisters to help.
It's possible that subconsciously you know there is something "off" about your father's wife. I believe you should pay attention to your quiet voice, and how it is leading you.
I was 6 when my dad died. My mom cause been with my current step dad since I was 11-12. I HATED HIM. For more than one reason, until about 4-5 years ago. I'll be 30 this year. He never tried to be my dad either.
Step-parents need to stop trying to force themselves on the children. Maybe this step-mother was in fact trying to please her husband, but not taking the kids point of view into consideration is wrong. You can't force affection. Doing so will backfire - just like it has in this instance.
All the YTA people need to step several steps back and see that OP's dad and stepmom are essentially attempting to force her to see stepmom as her mom while respecting that the older sisters don't see her that way. And they did this to someone who was 13 at the time and grieving her mom. They are trying to force a relationship that OP doesn't want and they are going to lose her because of it.
Exactly what JayWantsACat said, and something else, the older sisters were treated differently.
My late husbands children by his first marriage were 3 and 9 when we first met. They did not want any type of relationship with me (and were quite nasty and cruel to me even after he passed away). They did want a relationship with my kids by first marriage and my parents. But their mother was always still in the picture and she didn’t want them to have a relationship with me so she fed that to the kids. We only got to see them on a visitation schedule so I would plan fun activities for their visits that they could do or not do. They were even more cruel to me after he passed, telling everyone he was trying to divorce me when he passed. Not at all true and it hurt me terribly. I never pushed for a relationship and put a great distance between myself and them for several years while allowing them to have the relationships with the rest of family. Five years have passed since he died and this past Christmas we were all together for one day. The oldest now in college, youngest in hs.
We were finally able to coexist and actually had a good visit for the first time since about a year before my husband passed away. I’m not going to pretend some years were not tough. After they were so cruel to me, I opted to stay in our bedroom on the weekends they visited and asked my husband to keep their activities to the other side of the house. All this to say, you can’t force children of any age to have a relationship they don’t want. You can only do your best to allow them their time with their parents and hope that one day they will recognize that you’ve been reaching out in love all this time and only want them to be happy and loved. Sometimes they will accept it. Sometimes they will not. But as the adult you do not have the right to force anything on them.
Load More Replies... I think soft NAH, definitely OP isn’t an a*****e, but I also don’t think her dad’s wife was intentionally being pushy. It seems like she genuinely cared for OP, but she definitely needs to be more respectful of boundaries.
Esh them for trying to replace her mom and not listening that she wasn't interested. Her for the I don't live you remark (even if true). I think they should just leave the teenage daughter alone. Stop trying to be the perfect family because she's not interested. But she also needs to know what all that may entail and that it might not be as sweet as she thinks.
YTA on the teen for the shouting, but stepmom should have aimed for a cordial relationship first and taken it from there. She sounds like someone who genuinely wants to help a sad teenager and make them happy, but the kid shot recognize that she does a lot of what a Mom is expected to do. Stepmom is pushing too hard, when they should have had a long talk when Dad remarried. Thoughts on feelings and boundaries, with the assertion that they will be there for the kid if they are needed or wanted, but in the meantime, be supportive in the background. Stepmom needs to get to know each kid individually, and not go through the motions of playing Mommy as an expectation. Date someone, also date their kids.
OP constantly expressed their dislike of the forcing of "family" and wasn't listened to which is why they snapped and yelled and honestly I don't blame them
Load More Replies... But the entire crux of OPs issue is that Dad and the new wife *were* trying to make OP accept her as Mom, not step-mom and that she (OP) was step-monster's daughter, not step-daughter. And yes teens can often be moody, sullen, and irrational. But what they can also be is so entrenched in an emotional battle with the grown-assed adults in her life that should know better that she leaves home as soon as possible and never looks back. Step-mother might well be in the parental role by virtue of her marriage, but that doesn't give her automatic right to a mother-daughter relationship she hasn't earned with OP.
Load More Replies... If you're caring and affectionate, you listen to the other person and put yourself in their shoes, trying to understand where they come from but the step-mum doesn't do that, so I will leave the obvious conclusion to draw to you. Don't forget that being caring and affectionate doesn't mean forcing yourself on someone: that's more of a control thing. Also, this is the wrong moment to try to establish this kind of relationship. At the age OP is at, children tend to want to become their own person, so they stop sharing everything with their parents.
Load More Replies... The woman is trying to do the right thing, at least by her husband. She is not doing the right thing by her husband’s child, and if she is still this inept after several years, it sounds as though she lacks the basic empathy, emotional intelligence and listening skills to be a parent anyway. There appears to be a good chance that she has already burnt the chances of having a good relationship with the OP to the ground, and is continuing to do the same with the OP’s relationship with the father.
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