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People Online Recall Debunked Advice And “Facts” From Parents During Their Childhood (32 Stories)
Interview With Expert
When I was a child, I was given a lot of advice, both useful and not so, from parents and adult relatives. About how one should or shouldn’t behave in different life situations, about what would be right and what would be wrong, and even if some advice looked completely strange in my eyes, I trusted the life experience of adults. As it turns out, I trusted in vain.
Years and decades have passed, and now, looking back at everything I was told, I am well aware that many of these pieces of "worldly wisdom" were, in fact, either completely wrong or simply manipulative. However, as we can see from this list of ours, I was not the only one...
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#1
Eat everything on your plate because there's starving children in Africa. Also had to sit at the table until everything was eaten off your plate.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
... researches stamps needed to send Granny's Irish Stew to Africa ...
RELATED:
#2
'Boys are mean to you because they like you.’ Great, thanks for normalizing toxic relationships early.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
Because I heard this when I was young, I thought that the way I had to show a boy I liked him was to make fun of him, which is something I will always regret. So glad I grew out of that faily quickly.
#3
If a girl won’t go out with you, keep trying. I think that’s a huge part of why women are getting sick of men that won’t take no for an answer.
KatSaidWhat 4 months ago
Yeah, keep not accepting no for an answer until you finally break her resolve - GREAT ADVICE!!!!!
So, a few days ago, a very interesting thread appeared online, the author of which, the user u/Independent_Pear8404, asked netizens the question: "What's a piece of advice you were given as a child that seemed completely innocent at the time, but as an adult, you realize how messed up or manipulative it actually was?"
The resulting thread collected over 2.1K upvotes, and the number of comments is already approaching a thousand.
And I'll tell you what - to be honest, I didn't even guess that so many examples of "wise advice" from our childhood would actually turn out to be not only completely inappropriate in modern conditions, but also simply often harmful. So please welcome to this selection, made for you by Bored Panda!
#4
When my brother would bully me, my parents always told me “well, don’t react to it and he won’t do it!!” And they wondered why I used to have anger issues.
Julia Mckinney 4 months ago
The worst advice is to ignore bullies. Frankly, nothing really worked for me. Fighting back verbally didn't, i got a broken arm that way. Ignoring them didn't work, I've still got some scars, decades later, from people who didn't like to be ignored. Reporting them didn't work, school authorities & parents never did anything. Bullying gave me a wonderful inferiority complex but that's also the reason why I did a lot of volunteer work outside of my school starting in junior high.
#5
I’ve always been chubby/fat. My best friends mom (who was a nurse) told me the best flavor to throw up was grape. Said if I ever had to throw up to have grape flavoring beforehand and it would taste better. Didn’t realize until recently she was trying to encourage bulimia. All of her kids look like skeletons.
#6
"Don't talk back to adults" now I see how that conditioned me to accept authority without question, even when it was harmful.
K_Tx 4 months ago
I think this one still hold true EXCEPT when responding, respond respectfully and calmly. If you start getting riled up, acknowledge what they said and walk away or whatever is the next step to take. Find someone who can help you understand, respond, move it upward. Sassing or rudeness are just not going to help.
Perhaps the largest category to which the advice listed in our selection can be attributed is simply outdated recommendations. Outdated for many reasons - our society has started to react differently to these life situations, or something has become a 'new normal' among people. Accordingly, completely sincere life advice from parents no longer works as it used to.
Or, the second option - the norms of behavior have changed, and what was considered commonplace a couple of decades ago is today perceived as toxic behavior. For example, advice to boys "not to give up" if a girl refuses an offer to go on a date. Just agree that today it looks at least ambiguous!
After all, I was told the same thing in my teenage years, but when my son grows up, I will definitely not give him the same advice. At least, in the same wording that I once heard it.
#7
My mom would tell me multiple times a day that "beauty is pain ." Making us pretty was her top priority, and the way she'd do my hair, the heels she'd put on my feet, being kept skinny, the tight little dresses and tights I couldnt play in, the way she'd put on mascara: all hurt. She wanted me to have her body dysmorphia so bad, she'd call me her barbie but I was never a doll, just a micromanaged child.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
Eventually, all parents will understand that their child's life belongs to their child, and not to themselves. It's not catching on too fast in some families, though. Unfortunately.
#8
My mom used to tell me, “when something bad happens that upsets you close your eyes and put it in a box and put that box in the top shelf of your mind and never open it again” lol lol.
#9
That my attitude was the reason my dad was dying.
I was 8.
He died earlier this year though so I guess I was being an awful child again. Oops.
"The public attitude to certain moral standards, despite the fact that the main, most important pillars of it have been unshakable for several millennia, still changes over time," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this topic.
"Some of the 19th-century philosophers noted that being determines consciousness - and this is largely true. On the other hand, in the modern world, the opposite is sometimes true as well - when consciousness forms and changes reality."
"How does it work? Well, quite simply - sooner or later, society, under the influence of active people, realizes that certain moral standards, previously considered generally accepted, are no longer so. Accordingly, the assessment of people who act this way changes, the whole existence of people changes - and advice that was previously useful becomes, at the very least, toxic," Maria sums up.
#10
"Be careful when you hit 35, that's when your mom went mad. It ruined our whole family." My dad even warned my husband about it. I was already diagnosed with MDD and now feared turning 35. Fast forward to me being unhappy in my marriage at age 37 and when I asked for a divorce my spouse said "your dad called it, you lost your mind just like your mom".
#11
"If you tell anyone about what happens at home, they will take you away and you will have to live with strangers"
Edit: since this is blowing up I wanted to provide context. Alcoholic dad used a sharp weapon to almost end my mom. I remember slamming my head against the door multiple times at 8 years old to zone out the noise. For the next 25 years he continued this in different forms, enabling mom forced us to keep saving him every time. He had moments of good parenting, but couldn't control his own demons.
Moved out and doing better now - but still dealing with the demons. Hoping to fix this trauma in me and change things for my children.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
I'm sorry for your suffering, but by understanding the demons you ae well on the way to controlling them.
#12
Nobody likes a crybaby.
Okay I won’t cry. I’ll just have hangups about expressing emotions in front of others instead.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
I hypothesise that there are two main groups of humans - those who repress their emotions, and those who express them at every opportunity and expect star treatment for doing so.
By the way, parenting standards are also changing - what was completely okay before, today seems completely unacceptable. Thus, some of the advice parents gave, which actually manipulated their children's minds, forcing them to perceive their own ugly actions as a desire for the good of their kids, is no longer relevant today and is perceived as what, in fact, it is - manipulation.
#13
That you must respect your parents no matter what and forgive them for what they’ve done.
I actually don’t owe anyone respect, and I don’t have to associate with people who don’t respect me. I also don’t have to forgive someone just because they’re family. That just leads to cycles letting someone talk down to you and put you down.
Colleen Glim 4 months ago
I’ve had this argument with my husband more times than I want to count. Respect has to be earned. Children deserve respect too.
#14
Not really advice, but something "innocent" that I was told constantly. Parents used to say to me "it's a good thing you're pretty" as a joke whenever I did or said something stupid. I thought I was stupid for years, and hated only being seen as "the pretty one".
Pretty much the primary reason I decided to live my life putting my intelligence and personality first. Got two degrees, multiple professors called me brilliant. Almost went for a PhD but too much uncertainty in the job market around that. Have moved up quickly in my career after my degrees.
Still pretty, but f*****g smart too. Who would have thought?
Michael Largey 4 months ago
When we were young, my mother warned my little brother, who was quite cute, not to go anywhere with a strange man. Then she turned to me and said "On the other hand, your face will be your chaperone." (Four or five years later, I learned what a chaperone was.)
#15
At a young age, I was very interested in being a lawyer. I don't remember why anymore, but I remember that I thought I'd be really good at it and would pretend to be one from time to time. A close family member asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I told him. He leaned in close and said "lawyers have to read a lot, I mean REALLY a lot." And then gave me such a discerning warning look that I then became sure I wasn't cut out to be a lawyer. Even though I was very high in my reading scores at school.
It very likely changed the trajectory of my life. I've learned to never ever do that to any kid. If they tell you their dreams, tell them how awesome it's going to be.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
"I have a dream..." sometimes, a dream changes the world. Never give up on your dreams !
In this regard, the evolution of society's perception of male tears and the manifestation of emotions on the part of men is rather interesting. In the era of antiquity, this was considered absolutely normal - even the greatest heroes of ancient myths, like Hercules or Odysseus, are not at all embarrassed by their tears.
Later, in the Middle Ages, it began to be considered that it is appropriate for a man to cry only in connection with issues related to religion and the church. During the Renaissance, however, it became appropriate for men to cry and show their emotions in every possible way, demonstrating the openness of their souls - and only in the era of industrial development did society put a taboo on men's tears.
For almost two centuries, a man was perceived like an unbending granite statue, so tears and bright emotions were, if not shameful, then simply inappropriate. So only today do we again perceive men's tears and other emotional situations as a given. Accordingly, our parents' advice like "boys don't cry" is already perceived differently. So such pieces of advice rightfully get into this selection.
#16
Don't engage with a bully. They'll get bored and leave you alone. Oh, the hell they will.
Lady Chelsea (LadyChelseaoftheVoid) 4 months ago
Thats kind of impossible when the bully is your own parent.
#17
"Girls aren't usually good at this, but you're special.".
Julia Mckinney 4 months ago
That was one thing i didn't have a complex about. My dad let us do anything we wanted within reason and without regards to "girls don't do that". Our mom on the other hand, had a running battle with me about being ladylike. She softened her position closer to the end of the 70's.
#18
“Blood is thicker than water” or “be the bigger person” - as the oldest child, I was always told to be the bigger person even when my sister was doing crazy s**t like telling my parents I hit her when I didn’t, when she was stealing expensive stuff from me (like my camera in middle school) and they didn’t believe me for a while, and or just being a bully. Yes, I’m five years older and I shouldn’t stoop to a younger level. But it wasn’t like that - I was always being told to be the bigger person and meanwhile her therapist refused to see her anymore after her day-long psych test results were returned to the therapist and she wouldn’t disclose why. Obviously this wasn’t a normal situation. Family members seem to often tell someone to be the bigger person or let something go when the other family member in the dispute is so exhausting from ongoing problematic behaviors that no one seems to want to deal with them. It’s like it’s easier to not get into it with that person and therefore the strong recommendation to others is to be the bigger person… make it make sense!
Be that as it may, in our world, there’s nothing unshakable and established so much that it would be impossible to question it. So after reading this selection to the very end, please take part in the discussion in the comments - if something seems strange to you here, or you, on the contrary, completely agree with everything.
Who knows, maybe as a result of our new debate, consciousness will change existence again?
#19
God and Jesus are in heaven and watching your every move and listening to your every thought. They are recording it and will play it back for you after you die. You will have to explain yourself or burn in HELL!
It was an attempt to control my behaviors, mostly it made me mad that they were spying!
#20
As a teenager, I told my mom I was pretty sure I had an anxiety disorder, and she told me "let's pray about it". She didn't reach out to my school counselor, or follow up with anything after.
#21
“Girls don’t like that”. I didn’t realize my only purpose in life is being attractive to women. I guess I’ll just give up everything I enjoy until I find a mate and she approves it. .
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
I suspect that the 'females make the decisions' view inherent in this is equally as bad as the previous 'men make the decisions' ruling. And, possibly, equally as damaging to the human race.
#22
"Stop eating so much you're gonna get fat, and boys don't like fat girls." "Put some make-up on. You look like a boy." "Don't ever cut your beautiful hair! Men don't like short hair."
Thanks for all the body dysmorphia and teaching me my body belongs to men, I guess?
PS, I'M NOT STRAIGHT.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
Tell every child - their body belongs to them , and them alone. They may decide to share, but it's their decision, nobody else's.
#23
We were never to call an ambulance. Lived 15 miles out of town, do not call for an ambulance. Had a 2nd degree burn freshman year of college and just suffered the night away in bed before I begged to be taken to urgent care. Doctor asked why I didn't go to ER the night before and I said we are not allowed. My mother's face FELL, she was so upset. She didn't mean it like THAT. .
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
I don't mean to be snarky, but this could only have happened in a country where calling an ambulance and visiting ER was a major, possibly life-defining expense. The flip side of 'paying for other people's treatment' is that they pay for yours. Via taxes.
#24
You have to forgive to move on.’ I tried, but some people don’t deserve forgiveness tbh.🥲.
Squirrelly Panda 4 months ago
To forgive means they aren't living rent free in your mind, so don't steal your joy anymore. The key is, you don't need to tell the person that you forgive them, nor need to let them stay in your life.
#25
“If a boy picks on you it means he likes you.”
Worst advice ever.
#26
If something bad happens, just trust that it’s gods plan and be thankful it happened.
#27
'I know you want to live with me now that I've left your dad, but he is sad and needs you to keep him happy'.
#28
Studying makes you rich and independent and successful though!
#29
Ooohhhhhhhh... my time to shine....
1. Bully's are jealous of you
2. Ignore the bully's
3. Turn the other cheak
4. Only your mummy will ever really love you
5. Children should be sen and not heard
So much more.. all from a narcissistic mother. Father did nothing to defend and was horribly henpecked and manipulated himself.
F**k you Danuta.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
Some parents don't deserve children. Some children deserve better parents.
#30
Either
"If your mother won't act like a mature adult, you need to."
Or
"Take care of your mother!".
Michael Largey 4 months ago
Acting like a mature adult may sometimes indeed involve taking care of your mother.
#31
“Don’t judge a book by its cover”
Why? You can tell a s**t ton about a book by its cover. You should just be open to having that judgment changed.
My parents suck at nuance though so I had to figure that out on my own.
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
Being open to having our judgement questioned - and, occasionally,changed - may be the key to maturity. It's definitely the best I can manage, so far.
#32
No criticism to my mom, I still think it’s a silly bit in a lot of ways, but any time I’d get hurt and start crying she’d joke: “Do you need to go to the hospital? Do you need something amputated?” and it would get me to stop crying.
I think, among many other things, that helped teach me to really expertly suppress my emotions. Now, in my 30’s, I’m trying very hard to try to understand what I’m feeling and letting that exist so that I’m not just anxious and stressed every moment of the day.
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TheElderNom 4 months ago
"If you can wiggle your toes your leg isn't broken." I could wiggle my toes fine after both times I broke my leg as an adult. Second break the bones had even slid put of place but no issues wiggling my toes.
TheElderNom 4 months ago
"If you can wiggle your toes your leg isn't broken." I could wiggle my toes fine after both times I broke my leg as an adult. Second break the bones had even slid put of place but no issues wiggling my toes.
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