“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Inviting My Coworker To A Team Lunch Because Of Her Dietary Preferences?”

Imagine trying to do something believing you’re being considerate, only to have it backfire spectacularly.

That’s exactly what happened to today’s Original Poster (OP), who thought they were making a considerate decision but ended up creating unintended workplace drama. It all started with a simple team lunch, something that was supposed to bring people together, not pull them apart.

More info: Reddit

Sometimes, what we think is doing someone a favor can actually feel more like a misunderstanding or even an exclusion

Coworkers gathered at a table with blueprints, discussing project details in an office setting.

Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The author works as a project manager and goes out for lunch with their teammates every month to ease some stress

Project manager questions excluding coworker from team lunch over diet.

Text about organizing a BBQ lunch favorite among team, missing a coworker due to her diet.

Text about manager excluding coworker from BBQ due to her Jain diet.

Image credits: JaneTheSlayer

Barbecue setting with grilled meat and side dishes, highlighting coworker exclusion due to diet.

Image credits: Pincalo / Pexels (not the actual photo)

This time, they organized a lunch at a BBQ place but didn’t invite one coworker because she followed a strict diet

Text about a coworker feeling excluded from a BBQ due to her diet, realizing alternatives were possible.

Team tension arises after coworker exclusion due to her diet choices, sparking controversy.

Text about a manager excluding a coworker from a BBQ due to diet, causing some workplace awkwardness.

Image credits: JaneTheSlayer

Coworkers in a meeting room, discussing exclusion from company BBQ based on diet.

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)

When the coworker found out, she mentioned that she could have joined for the sake of company or just ordered something she could eat

Text from a manager about excluding a coworker from a BBQ due to diet, and realizing the mistake.

Text discussing a manager's decision excluding a coworker from BBQ due to her diet considerations.

Image credits: JaneTheSlayer

However, this led to some tension in the team as some colleagues felt the coworker was excluded on purpose, while others didn’t think so

The OP works in a tech company where the small, tight-knit team has lunches monthly. They do this to ease the stress that usually comes with working on different projects, so last month, the OP organized lunch at a beloved local BBQ joint, an easy crowd-pleaser for most of the team.

However, one of their coworkers followed a strict diet, which prohibited her from eating meat, eggs, and even certain vegetables like onions and garlic. So, rather than invite her to a place where options were slim, the OP decided to leave her out to avoid putting her in an uncomfortable position.

When the coworker found out she hadn’t been invited to lunch, she pointed out that she could have still joined the company and that she could have either ordered a simple side salad or brought her own food. However, this situation led to some awkwardness in the team.

While some coworkers defended the OP’s thoughtfulness, others felt that the excluded coworker should have been invited regardless. Even after suggesting a more inclusive restaurant for the next lunch, the tension and awkwardness still lingered.

To understand the impact of tense situations on team dynamics, Bored Panda reached out to project manager Rovine Muganguzi, who started by emphasizing that a huge part of project management is people management. According to Muganguzi, tension within a team can quickly disrupt collaboration and cause divisions, preventing the group’s ability to work effectively.

She pointed out that “situations like this can create palpable tension in the team and force team members to take sides, which in consequence will affect the overall teamwork.”

A thoughtful manager sitting in a meeting room, wearing a gray blazer, pondering a decision about a coworker's BBQ exclusion.

Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

We also asked Muganguzi whether it’s ever acceptable to make decisions on behalf of a team member to avoid discomfort, and she firmly stated that it’s not ideal. “Making decisions for someone removes their ability to choose, which undermines their autonomy,” she explained, highlighting that it’s always better to ask the team member directly, as this also shows respect.

Finally, we asked for advice on how to repair relationships and restore harmony within a team after a situation like this, and she suggested starting with clear, calm communication. “It’s important to identify the root cause of the tension and take responsibility for any mistakes,” she said.

She also emphasized that a sincere apology and active listening are key, followed by a collaborative approach to finding a solution that works for everyone involved. By prioritizing understanding and fairness, teams can rebuild trust and create a stronger, more effective working environment.

Netizens insisted that the OP made a mistake by excluding the coworker from the team lunch. They pointed out that since it was a team lunch, then everyone should have been included.

Do you think the project manager was genuinely trying to be considerate, or was this an oversight? We would love to know your thoughts!

Netizens insisted that the author was completely wrong for not inviting the coworker for something that was supposed to be for the team

Discussion on exclusion from BBQ due to diet, with advice on apologizing to excluded coworker.

Reddit comments discussing a manager excluding a coworker from a BBQ due to her diet.

Reddit comment criticizing a manager for excluding a coworker from a BBQ due to her diet.

Reddit comment criticizing manager for excluding coworker from BBQ due to her diet.

Manager excludes coworker from BBQ due to diet, citing team bonding reasons in online post.

Comment criticizing a manager for excluding a coworker from a BBQ due to her diet.

Comment criticizing manager for excluding coworker due to her diet at BBQ.

Comment on manager excluding coworker from BBQ due to diet, highlighting inclusion and bonding over food choices.

Reddit post discussing exclusion of coworker from BBQ due to her diet, questioning team communication effectiveness.

Comment discussing manager discrimination during a corporate BBQ.

Reddit comment criticizing a manager for excluding a coworker from a BBQ due to her diet.

Comment criticizing a manager for excluding a coworker from BBQ due to diet and urging inclusivity.

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