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In‑Laws Refused To Help With Childcare, Now Want To Move In: “Hell Would Freeze Before You Live Here”
Telling your family no isn’t always easy, and setting boundaries with parents can sometimes make people feel guilty.
But there’s nothing wrong with being upfront about your feelings and needs, as it can tell people how to treat you.
A man turned to the Internet to ask if he was right in refusing his in-laws’ demand to move in with him and his wife in their new house.
He felt they were acting entitled especially after they refused to help with childcare they had previously committed to.
Read his story to see how their behavior made him lose his cool in the most sarcastic way.
RELATED:
Man says no to in-laws expecting to move into his new home
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
He said his in-laws failed to support him and his wife in times of need
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Collins Lesulie / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His sarcastic but firm response left them shocked
Image credits: MBWill8809
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Backtracking on family commitments can create tension and resentment
Every empty nester has a different take on how they want to live their life after retirement. Some prefer to spend time with their grandchildren, some enjoy the peace of an empty house, while others go on vacations they’ve put off for years.
But as more households have both parents working, the expectation that grandparents will help take care of the kids is not unusual.
While it’s okay for grandparents to choose what’s best for them, clear communication from the beginning is the best way to avoid any family conflicts.
In this case, the man’s in-laws backtracked on their promise to babysit right before their daughter was supposed to join back work.
This not only put additional burden of caregiving on the working couple, it also caused a dent in their financial planning.
After all this, his in-laws’ assumption that they could move into the couple’s new house only added to the ongoing tension.
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Setting boundaries with family can prevent misunderstandings
Taking care of the elderly also comes with its own challenges — be it financial stress, health issues or managing time.
It’s part of the unpaid labor that some couples just don’t want to do, especially when they feel resentment towards their parents.
In this story, the issue wasn’t just the request to move in but the lack of respect — his in-laws didn’t have a proper conversation with him or their daughter, and assumed they would just move in.
It is also an example of how family relationships can be affected when support is given only when it’s convenient.
The in-laws promised to take care of the kids and then refused to show up at the last minute. But later, they seemed comfortable enough to demand support when they needed a place to live in.
It isn’t disrespectful or entitled if you set boundaries with in-laws and family members — it’s a form of self-care and also part of having a healthy relationship in the long run.
“Be clear about your needs and communicate them in a direct and assertive manner, leaving as little room for confusion or misinterpretation as possible,” says Dr Alexandra H Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist and author.
When you’re drawing a line, holding on to grudges can sometimes make you cross a line yourself.
In such cases, it’s good to communicate clearly about what’s bothering you if you don’t want to damage a relationship.
“Respect is the foundation for healthy relationships, including those between parents and adult children. It’s important to be respectful of each other’s opinions and beliefs, even if you don’t agree with them,” says Dr Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed counsellor and professor.
The man clarified some doubts and provided more context
Many people praised him for standing firm and prioritizing his family’s well-being
But some people said he was being entitled for expecting in-laws to help with childcare
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What do you think ?
Dusty's mom 1 month ago
Once again the YTAs never bothered to read everything. I'm pretty sure if OP/wife couldn't get their ILs help, they never would have had children. They asked first and got positive OKs, only to be shot down at the 11th hour. Shheeeeesh!
UnclePanda 1 month ago
I think laughing cut off days, months, or years of wrangling. If you're going to burn a bridge, do it properly.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
100% , I mean given. The in-laws attitude,like WE ARE MOVING IN no question ,got exactly what it deserved in reply ,🤷♀️most of us would have done that to lol quicker easier problem solved !
Load More Replies...
Mark Childers 1 month ago (edited)
I'll never understand all for the YTA's talking about how people should be kind and respectful when others run over them repeatedly and horribly, like in this case. That's exactly the type of behavior that has led to people being so entitled and awful. Stand up for what's right. If people get in your face, match their energy. I never thought George Costanza was onto something when he would yell "we live in a society!"
Binky Melnik 1 month ago (edited)
What soothes me about YTAs in general is that they have SO few upvotes, and many, MANY downvotes. It tells me their ideas aren’t popular at all and that people largely disagree with their 🐎💩.
Load More Replies...
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
What comes around goes around. It was quite bold of them to assume they'd be welcome to live with their daughter after they went back on their promise to help out.
Kathrin Pukowsky 1 month ago
If OP wanted to do the same that the in-laws did, he should've told them that OF COURSE they could move in with OP and his wife, and then told them to scram once they stood outside the door with the moving van. Because that was the upsetting detail. It's not about the in-laws not providing childcare, it's about them agreeing to do it and then backing out once the baby was already born. OP went easy on them by shutting the idea down right away.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 1 month ago (edited)
YTA... YTA?! Anyone who chose YTA, just figuratively told me that they did not read the story, without even literally telling that they did not read the story. My wife and I do not have children. And I would completely understand the "YTA's" if the couple had "asśumed" the wife's parents would participate with the childcare, without even asking. But they received a direct confirmation from them, before even trying to have a baby. Then the wife's parents chose to rescind the agreement, which they have every right to do. But they did it right before they were actually to start helping. I mean with the run up to, the actual pregnancy and then maternity leave, the wife's parents basically had a year to tell the couple, they changed their minds. They told them TEN days before they were supposed to start assisting. So for the next 6 years, the wife's parents did their own thing, with no real future contributions or discussions with the couple. But, then the couple buys a newer, larger, nicer, home. The wife's parents upon seeing the home, immediately do "asśume" that out of all of their children, they will not only be moving in with this couple. But that they will also be taking over the Master Bedroom of a house they; do not own, did not financially contribute to, and did not help with obtaining, with couple that they left hanging and scrambling. The wife's parents definitely have a serious sense YTA entitlement. The couple is so definitely NTA.
DC 1 month ago
... the YTA crowd should learn this new, exciting ability that is commenly referred to as "reading" you know, seemingly random arrangements of ink on paper do actually have a meaning coded into them, and reading is the method to gain knowledge about the meaning of the scribbleries. They weren't just assumed to be taking care of their Grandkids, they cheeringly agreed to - and then, decided to have fun instead. OTOH, they assume that their kids have an obligation to take care of them, regardless that nobody ever cheerfully agreed to do so. Entitled, are her parents and nobody else in this story.
BK BigFish 1 month ago
The in laws should move to an assisted living facility somewhere overseas, where it's cheaper, and since they don't really care to deal with their grandkids.
Anne Roberts 1 month ago
The OP never expected his ILs to provide free child care - they offered it! Abd having two retired seniors living in a house with young children is not the best idea. Pretty soon the ILs will say, "we need a ride to a doctor appointment", or "can you take tomorrow off to drive me to..." wherever. The.young parents will have their hands full with children, work, and housekeeping. I am the grandmother of two and my daughter never expected me to provide daily child care because I was still working. However, I often had my grandkids for a day or night so my daughter and SIL could go out. I go with them as they play sports, do Scouting, and other things as often as possible.
Ali 4 weeks ago
I personally love the YTAs telling OP that "grandparents never take over childcare! That's unheard of!" And yet, in a significant portion of countries around the world, that is how a lot of people get their childcare. Coincidentally, those are also the countries/cultures that typically take in their aging parents when they retire.
Granny's Thoughts 1 month ago
NTA 🙂 You are in no way shape or form the AH's here. Too many posters here missed OP's statement that he and wife ASKED both sets if they'd be open to helping with child care. And they did this PRIOR to even getting pregnant. If that isn't planning ahead - what is?🤨 Wife's parents are nasty people who don't stand by their commitments. They could have offered to do SOME childcare but instead went from helping sometimes to ZERO helping without a thought to anyone but themselves. After 6 years, I wouldn't even let them in my door. 🤬
Sarah bell 1 month ago
Missing the point. They could of said no from anytime before and during pregnancy. They waited until the parents would have to scramble
Geoff Grotz 1 month ago
Actually i Think he should let them move in with a rent that is the mortgage plus 50% and security deposit of 6 months And then just then treat them as tenants. if they dont want to pay that is on them
Robyn Hill 1 month ago
The guy had every right to tell them to F off - BUT, who the heck decides to have children expecting all grandparents to pitch in nearly full-time, free childcare? They’re entitled to change their minds. Maybe they didn’t realize just how much the parents were expecting the grandparents to pick up the slack, and that became apparent as time went on. Maybe they just decided they were done raising kids. Either way, the grandkids are NOT the grandparents’ responsibility. No one should decide to have kids and then expect everyone else to to put their lives on hold to raise them.
Andy Frobig 1 month ago
They asked, and were told yes, then had it pulled out from under them. I'm 58 with no kids, but I realize that a) it's harder and more expensive to raise kids than it ever was, and b) doing it the old way led to a lot of bad outcomes. I don't think it ever occurred to either of my parents to assume they could live with their kids, barring an emergency, or that they even wanted to. And these folks didn't even ask
Load More Replies... Niki 1 month ago
At least they did their research and made decisions about children with knowledge. I had no idea how much daycare cost, simply because I didn't know anyone who used it! I grew up in a neighborhood where lots of retired people watched kids for reasonable rates, and since everyone in my family worked different shifts, it wasn't needed. Being told in 2009 that daycare for a newborn would be 450 a week for 5 days PLUS a $500 deposit due to increased insurance and to secure my spot, oh, and they didn't open until 8, and they closed at 3. I needed to be at work at 5, and I didn't get off until 3. No other daycare in the area would take children less than 6 months old So yeah, the ILs suck for helping make something possible and going NAH.
Bubblebee 1 month ago
Oh my, "my parents did their best to pick up my inlaws' slack"?! SLACK?! What the hėll, this isn't his inlaws' slack, it's not their child! Jesus, I cannot stand this level of entitlement. Also, using it as an argument years later to reject their attempts at moving in? Sick. Don't get me wrong, it's totally okay to say no to the idea of the inlaws moving in - but it was equally okay for the inlaws to not watch the children.
TheWickedOne 1 month ago (edited)
They have zero obligation to raise or "babysit" your kids.. that is your own problem to deal with. Maybe you shouldn't of had any kids. The nerve.
Fatmeow 1 month ago
Everyone needs to take care of their own stuff. Depending on others will let you down. Take care of your own garbage.
PinkNekoGirl 1 month ago
So, you didn't read either. They made the choice to have a kid at that time because they were told that her parents would help. Then they didn't at the last minute. That isn't exactly them not taking care of stuff. And if you mean they should never rely on others, well daycare counts as relying on others as well, so I guess you take care of your own children 24/7 then?
Load More Replies...
ॐBoyGanesh 1 month ago (edited)
Regardless of the quid pro quo, the issue is the entitlement of the ILs 100% deciding they were moving into OPs home *and* taking the master bedroom. With zero discussion & planning. Clearly, OP recognized FIL needed a glaringly obvious rejection & boundary, which was a resounding “no” on the form of “when hell freezes over.” Some people need to be verbally hit over the head to understand & accept the facts. As far as ILs not being able to babysit, OP had an alternative: expensive childcare. But this wasn’t an issue of ability. It was a commitment being reneged on due to self-serving desire. Has nothing to do with ILs being too old or too frail or too sick. Your hypothetical has a completely different response from OP. But it’s also not what happened.
Load More Replies...
Sly Schlang 1 month ago
Did you even read and understand the story? THEY ASKED BEFORE PLANNING A BABY. And the inlaws said YES! And then just did not Help. But expected, without any question, to move into the best part of the new house. Without paying a Penny. READ BEFORE COMMENT OR VOTE
Load More Replies... Dusty's mom 1 month ago
Once again the YTAs never bothered to read everything. I'm pretty sure if OP/wife couldn't get their ILs help, they never would have had children. They asked first and got positive OKs, only to be shot down at the 11th hour. Shheeeeesh!
UnclePanda 1 month ago
I think laughing cut off days, months, or years of wrangling. If you're going to burn a bridge, do it properly.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
100% , I mean given. The in-laws attitude,like WE ARE MOVING IN no question ,got exactly what it deserved in reply ,🤷♀️most of us would have done that to lol quicker easier problem solved !
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 1 month ago (edited)
I'll never understand all for the YTA's talking about how people should be kind and respectful when others run over them repeatedly and horribly, like in this case. That's exactly the type of behavior that has led to people being so entitled and awful. Stand up for what's right. If people get in your face, match their energy. I never thought George Costanza was onto something when he would yell "we live in a society!"
Binky Melnik 1 month ago (edited)
What soothes me about YTAs in general is that they have SO few upvotes, and many, MANY downvotes. It tells me their ideas aren’t popular at all and that people largely disagree with their 🐎💩.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 1 month ago
What comes around goes around. It was quite bold of them to assume they'd be welcome to live with their daughter after they went back on their promise to help out.
Kathrin Pukowsky 1 month ago
If OP wanted to do the same that the in-laws did, he should've told them that OF COURSE they could move in with OP and his wife, and then told them to scram once they stood outside the door with the moving van. Because that was the upsetting detail. It's not about the in-laws not providing childcare, it's about them agreeing to do it and then backing out once the baby was already born. OP went easy on them by shutting the idea down right away.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 1 month ago (edited)
YTA... YTA?! Anyone who chose YTA, just figuratively told me that they did not read the story, without even literally telling that they did not read the story. My wife and I do not have children. And I would completely understand the "YTA's" if the couple had "asśumed" the wife's parents would participate with the childcare, without even asking. But they received a direct confirmation from them, before even trying to have a baby. Then the wife's parents chose to rescind the agreement, which they have every right to do. But they did it right before they were actually to start helping. I mean with the run up to, the actual pregnancy and then maternity leave, the wife's parents basically had a year to tell the couple, they changed their minds. They told them TEN days before they were supposed to start assisting. So for the next 6 years, the wife's parents did their own thing, with no real future contributions or discussions with the couple. But, then the couple buys a newer, larger, nicer, home. The wife's parents upon seeing the home, immediately do "asśume" that out of all of their children, they will not only be moving in with this couple. But that they will also be taking over the Master Bedroom of a house they; do not own, did not financially contribute to, and did not help with obtaining, with couple that they left hanging and scrambling. The wife's parents definitely have a serious sense YTA entitlement. The couple is so definitely NTA.
DC 1 month ago
... the YTA crowd should learn this new, exciting ability that is commenly referred to as "reading" you know, seemingly random arrangements of ink on paper do actually have a meaning coded into them, and reading is the method to gain knowledge about the meaning of the scribbleries. They weren't just assumed to be taking care of their Grandkids, they cheeringly agreed to - and then, decided to have fun instead. OTOH, they assume that their kids have an obligation to take care of them, regardless that nobody ever cheerfully agreed to do so. Entitled, are her parents and nobody else in this story.
BK BigFish 1 month ago
The in laws should move to an assisted living facility somewhere overseas, where it's cheaper, and since they don't really care to deal with their grandkids.
Anne Roberts 1 month ago
The OP never expected his ILs to provide free child care - they offered it! Abd having two retired seniors living in a house with young children is not the best idea. Pretty soon the ILs will say, "we need a ride to a doctor appointment", or "can you take tomorrow off to drive me to..." wherever. The.young parents will have their hands full with children, work, and housekeeping. I am the grandmother of two and my daughter never expected me to provide daily child care because I was still working. However, I often had my grandkids for a day or night so my daughter and SIL could go out. I go with them as they play sports, do Scouting, and other things as often as possible.
Ali 4 weeks ago
I personally love the YTAs telling OP that "grandparents never take over childcare! That's unheard of!" And yet, in a significant portion of countries around the world, that is how a lot of people get their childcare. Coincidentally, those are also the countries/cultures that typically take in their aging parents when they retire.
Granny's Thoughts 1 month ago
NTA 🙂 You are in no way shape or form the AH's here. Too many posters here missed OP's statement that he and wife ASKED both sets if they'd be open to helping with child care. And they did this PRIOR to even getting pregnant. If that isn't planning ahead - what is?🤨 Wife's parents are nasty people who don't stand by their commitments. They could have offered to do SOME childcare but instead went from helping sometimes to ZERO helping without a thought to anyone but themselves. After 6 years, I wouldn't even let them in my door. 🤬
Sarah bell 1 month ago
Missing the point. They could of said no from anytime before and during pregnancy. They waited until the parents would have to scramble
Geoff Grotz 1 month ago
Actually i Think he should let them move in with a rent that is the mortgage plus 50% and security deposit of 6 months And then just then treat them as tenants. if they dont want to pay that is on them
Robyn Hill 1 month ago
The guy had every right to tell them to F off - BUT, who the heck decides to have children expecting all grandparents to pitch in nearly full-time, free childcare? They’re entitled to change their minds. Maybe they didn’t realize just how much the parents were expecting the grandparents to pick up the slack, and that became apparent as time went on. Maybe they just decided they were done raising kids. Either way, the grandkids are NOT the grandparents’ responsibility. No one should decide to have kids and then expect everyone else to to put their lives on hold to raise them.
Andy Frobig 1 month ago
They asked, and were told yes, then had it pulled out from under them. I'm 58 with no kids, but I realize that a) it's harder and more expensive to raise kids than it ever was, and b) doing it the old way led to a lot of bad outcomes. I don't think it ever occurred to either of my parents to assume they could live with their kids, barring an emergency, or that they even wanted to. And these folks didn't even ask
Load More Replies... Niki 1 month ago
At least they did their research and made decisions about children with knowledge. I had no idea how much daycare cost, simply because I didn't know anyone who used it! I grew up in a neighborhood where lots of retired people watched kids for reasonable rates, and since everyone in my family worked different shifts, it wasn't needed. Being told in 2009 that daycare for a newborn would be 450 a week for 5 days PLUS a $500 deposit due to increased insurance and to secure my spot, oh, and they didn't open until 8, and they closed at 3. I needed to be at work at 5, and I didn't get off until 3. No other daycare in the area would take children less than 6 months old So yeah, the ILs suck for helping make something possible and going NAH.
Bubblebee 1 month ago
Oh my, "my parents did their best to pick up my inlaws' slack"?! SLACK?! What the hėll, this isn't his inlaws' slack, it's not their child! Jesus, I cannot stand this level of entitlement. Also, using it as an argument years later to reject their attempts at moving in? Sick. Don't get me wrong, it's totally okay to say no to the idea of the inlaws moving in - but it was equally okay for the inlaws to not watch the children.
TheWickedOne 1 month ago (edited)
They have zero obligation to raise or "babysit" your kids.. that is your own problem to deal with. Maybe you shouldn't of had any kids. The nerve.
Fatmeow 1 month ago
Everyone needs to take care of their own stuff. Depending on others will let you down. Take care of your own garbage.
PinkNekoGirl 1 month ago
So, you didn't read either. They made the choice to have a kid at that time because they were told that her parents would help. Then they didn't at the last minute. That isn't exactly them not taking care of stuff. And if you mean they should never rely on others, well daycare counts as relying on others as well, so I guess you take care of your own children 24/7 then?
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 1 month ago (edited)
Regardless of the quid pro quo, the issue is the entitlement of the ILs 100% deciding they were moving into OPs home *and* taking the master bedroom. With zero discussion & planning. Clearly, OP recognized FIL needed a glaringly obvious rejection & boundary, which was a resounding “no” on the form of “when hell freezes over.” Some people need to be verbally hit over the head to understand & accept the facts. As far as ILs not being able to babysit, OP had an alternative: expensive childcare. But this wasn’t an issue of ability. It was a commitment being reneged on due to self-serving desire. Has nothing to do with ILs being too old or too frail or too sick. Your hypothetical has a completely different response from OP. But it’s also not what happened.
Load More Replies... Sly Schlang 1 month ago
Did you even read and understand the story? THEY ASKED BEFORE PLANNING A BABY. And the inlaws said YES! And then just did not Help. But expected, without any question, to move into the best part of the new house. Without paying a Penny. READ BEFORE COMMENT OR VOTE
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