Man Asks If He Was Wrong Not To Help His Wife After She Had ‘An Accident’, Gets A Reality Check
Recently, a man took it to the AITA community on Reddit to find out a moral judgement on the incident he had with his pregnant wife.
“The other day, I wake up to Dani crying,” the man wrote, referring to his wife, who, according to him, has been having a little more trouble going up and down the stairs to their only bathroom.
“This usually went fine, but this time she didn’t make it. So, when I came downstairs, I found her, in tears, standing in her own mess,” the author recounted, adding that she was “clearly embarrassed.”
Now when the author’s wife asked him to help her in that situation, he was not eager to do so, to say the least.
A husband to a pregnant wife wonders if he was wrong for refusing to help her in a delicate situation which left her very upset and embarrassed
Image credits: Matilda Wormwood (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: shespi**ed
People shared their reactions in the comments and many told the author he was to blame here
After receiving a reality check, the author has shared an update on the situation
"She told me her side side, I told her my side"...What side?? How could he possibly defend himself in this situation? What a douchebag.
He evens shows it more when he says "...until we can find a comfortable way for Dani to sleep downstairs at my place." She is his WIFE! Shouldn't it be OUR place, not MY place?!?! What an @$$hat!!
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Advice from the Auntie-brigade: You hug her, help clean her up, run upstairs for clean undies and pyjama. Run downstairs and help her into these. Gently help her get up those bloody stairs and put her to bed and say "I love you, it's ok sweetheart". You go downsairs and clean up the mess. Go back to bed and give her a cuddle. THAT is what you do for your wife who is carrying your child. YAdefinatelyTA.
Did he just call the house, that he lives in with his wife, HIS place? This dude is a walking red flag. Guaranteed she's going to be taking care of that baby on her own. F**k that guy.
I thought the same thing!! He called it "his place?" Are you kidding? He is a walking red flag. She had nothing to apologize for!!
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Dude, if her pee makes you uncomfortable, wait until you find out what might come out of her when she's pushing the baby out. YTA
Wait til he sees what comes out of the baby! o.O Also, I only made it this far through the comments, because I'm afraid I'll find one supporting him and lose my mind, but has nobody else wondered how drunk you have to be to p#ss yourself? That made me realize OP is a level of man-child that would have to ask the question that was posted in the first place. On that note, time to step away from the puter. :D
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This is what happens when you don't get education from your parents. You got to ask to a bunch of strangers on the internet PLUS your coworkers if you're an as*hole, because you're too stupid and uneducated to know you are...
It also should be required for men to be taught about female biology in detail so they stop being surprised that, yeah, childbearing is extremely taxing and leaves lasting damage to the body in a lot of cases. The ignorance of the female body that many dudes still have is mind-boggling.
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At MY place? Sure hope that was intentional for clarification. Ya know what? It doesn't matter. If you don't consider it OUR place, hopefully she'll stay with her mom from now on and let you have YOUR place. You're still the a*****e. She had nothing to apologize for. You obviously are not committed to her. I hope you become non ambulatory some day and she says "change your own sheets if you mess" and "I don't know how you'll ever relieve yourself if you can't get up. You'll have to just lay there in your mess". Did I already say your are the a*****e? You've done nothing to corrected your a*****e attitude. By the way; I'm a guy. Been married nearly 50 years and would never consider pulling the stunt you did. You should be extremely ashamed of yourself.
He must have gone out of the way to find the 3 people who took his side lol.
I can't wait for the next episode of AITA where he can't get enough sleep because a newborn is so needy.
Nah, it will be „help me, my wive left me and took the kid for no reason at all!“ (no reason at all meaning that he just can‘t see what he did wrong).
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The last time I was sick, I was trying to make it to the bathroom and didn't make it. Many bodily fluids came out. I wasn't even pregnant and my husband just looked at me and said "go get in the shower, I got this."
"She's havin' my baby, ew, yuck how disgusting" is *not* the way that old song went. He's the AH, and she needs to get out and make sure he stays away from the child. What will he think about diapers?!
You know what's funny? My dad is basically useless on the domestic front (I'm sure he would agree) except for your stereotypical man chores. BUT when my sister and I were babies, I'm told that when he wasn't at work, he did ALL our diaper changes. When asked, he told me he basically saw it as quality time with his kids. I thought that was a great perspective that I never thought about before he said it.
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“She’s gonna be staying with her mom until we can find a comfortable way for Dani to sleep downstairs at my place.” …downstairs at MY place?!?!?! WTH?! This “man” is far from a man and definitely not prepared in the least to take on fatherhood. The fact he brings up all the extra hours and look at what I’m doing before going into the story tells me all we need to know. When you can run Dani, run!
First of all, what an a**hat. Second, a very simple thing would be what I did for my wife, and we didn't even have stairs to contend with. I got my wife a portable toilet to keep on our room in case she felt like she couldn't make it to the bathroom even though it was 2 doors from our room. I even said I would clean it out for her. Unfortunately she ended up with pre-eclampsia so our son came early (29 weeks), so it didn't get any use, but we had it. Third, you're still an a**hat.
"I would never expect someone to clean up my mess." Oh, bless him, old age is going to be such an interesting time for him. Hope the kid lives far away by then.
I had something similar happen to me when I was first pregnant and the unexpectedness of it made me so upset, I was frozen to the spot. All I remember is crying and my husband putting me to bed. Somewhere between the crying and being put to bed, he must have cleaned me and changed my pajamas, but he never once mentioned it. I did apologize the next day, but all he said was that if that was the worst that could happen during my pregnancy, he would be a happy man. Turned out that it wasn't the worst, but even then, he held it, and us, together through what turned into a very scary few weeks. And THAT is what makes a true partner and an even better dad, even to this day.
I was hoping for an update but damn, not that kind of one. It's like he still refuses to see how wrong he was and that he has any ground to stand on at all! There's no reason for the wife to apologize!!! Feel sorry for the harsh reality check of how often he'll be changing the baby's messes. And I guarantee he'll frame it so he shouldn't have to do it, despite what he says here.
"I did see some people that saw my side" "At my place" WFT..he needs a wake up call. Guys an a-hole...will continue to be a A-hole.
I'm thinking I need to go to the original on Reddit so I can see who agreed with him.
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Oh it does. It just depends on which one is sick....
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If you really want help, you must help in the way you've been asked to help, not in the way you want to help.
I felt so bad for her. And did he really discuss his wife soiling herself with his colleagues?
The sheer amount of bodily functions, issues, grossness, sickness, growths, pus, etc that you experience from your SO if you are in a loving, open, honest, happy marriage is astounding. It is both gross and beautiful. But there's one thing for sure...if my SO had for ONE SINGLE SOLITARY MILLISECOND expressed ick at what was happening to me during pregnancy, his a*s would have been demolished. Labor, delivery, and post partum was HELL and eye-opening. Get your s**t together OP. Because healing wounds from your c-section or ripped vagina are not fun, especially while cleaning exploding diapers from your kid and dealing with cracked and bleeding nipples. I'm full of rage now.
I have a couple of thoughts on this.. He says the baby would be incapable of taking care of itself, well right now mama cant do it very well herself. The answer really was easy. Get a commode she can use upstairs. Then there's the whole sharing the story with his coworkers., damn.. and finally if she's his wife, that's their house not "my place"
It’s only going to get worse. After I give birth to my first I bled so much it was like a murder scene. I remember my husband helping me in and out of the tub at the hospital and there was blood everywhere and every part of my body was saggy and leaking and it’s was humiliating and this brilliant man was beaming with pride at all I’d done to bring our daughter into this world. Dude it’s pee-get over yourself! Also your house? It’s your families home! You guys need therapy if you’re to make this work!
Wish I could give you a lot more than one upvote Justwastingtime. 😊
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His last sentence says a lot. "at my place," not "at our place." How damning that is. She had NOTHING to apologize for, and if she felt compelled to do so after hearing his side, she is being manipulated, gaslighted. There is no "his side" worth defending. TBH, it's close to emotional abuse. The longer I think about this, the madder I get.
Edit 1: "I'll take your guys' verdict into account..." Edit 2: "...she gave her side of the story, I gave mine." Only an blithering AH would be self-centered enough to write that. Dude. You were wrong on so many levels and you were right about... NOTHING. From your edits it's clear you also learned nothing from the readers' articulate, on-the-nose outrage. If this post isn't a bad joke, then you don't have the intelligence to become a mature adult. Good luck to your wife and child. YTAH.
OP you are completely unprepared for adulting. Pregnant women need a hand, recently pregnant women need a hand too. Babies are going to need help and wait until you see the accidents they have. So do pets. Just wait until you and your wife are elderly! Accidents will happen and you will likely be reliant on each other clean up from time to time. You will also be reliant on strangers to clean you up when you have an accident. Time to grow up and learn to get over your discomfort. And is it YOUR place when the two are married. No, it belongs to the both of you. If you don't want to share in the good times AND the bad you don't need to be with this woman or any other. This is what life looks like. You aren't a teenager anymore.
Douchebag. Pregnant ladies sometimes have trouble standing up, let alone walk quick enough. She's carrying his child and he can't even help her. And he thinks he can compare having too many beers" with her pregnancy- related accident.
Where did the AH see ANYONE siding with him? They're married but he calls it "his" place? Honey wake up, divorce him & take him for every penny of child support you can get for the next 18 years
This is a man who will never change a diaper, never burp the baby for fear of spit-up, never get up in the middle of the night when the baby is sick. Dani should stay with her mom until after the divorce.
Those ladt 3 words speak VOLUMES. "at MY place" not OUR place or HOME, "MY place". That relationship isn't going to last, not unless he does some DRASTIC growing up, because he very much still has a self centered mindset. Aside from obviously having zero clue about what its like for her, and just as obviously having no intention of gaining that perspective, if he is "uncomfortable" over bodily fluids and so fixated on his/hers in SO many aspects, he's not in a partnership, nit really.
So… you can’t see any difference between beer and a baby? Worrying, my dude. Very worrying.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS GUY HAD TO EVEN ASK IF HE IS THE A$$HOLE. ON. SO. MANY. LEVELS. And yes I said that all in capitals on purpose. 🤬
When she's got a bag of frozen peas in her pants to help w pain and sitting on the couch and coughs too hard you might have to clean that up. When she's delivering the baby and is wrecked afterwards and looks like s**t would you help tidy her for guests? She's a machine baking a human and can't move as well now and hormones all over the place. Did you guys go party before marrying? Did you come home drunk and puke an miraculously it was gone in the morning? Did she clean the toilet after you before baby making? Come on. It's a little pee or poo. Get over it. She's freaking insane embarrassed it happened to her an you make it worse. Just help her out. Yeah you lose some sleep one night. That's what coffee is for kiddo.
"My house...I provide..." A big red flag was his resentment he hurled with "I had to get up in like 3 hours to provide for us." Sure. He may be tired. Does he see what she's providing and the exhaustion of it? Does he not expect for sleep to be disrupted?I promise this a**hole is the meathead who will come home from work, sit down and say beer me, or go out with his friends all the time. He will see caretaking his own child as "babysitting" and optional. The bare minimum he does will be heroic in his narcissistic eyes. How do these dudes get whole human beings committing to them???
Why did he give the whole ‘I’m working loads of extra hours’ spiel? He briefly said he would have to get up in a few hours but that wasn’t relevant anyway. He didn’t help her because pee makes him ‘uncomfortable’, it could have been the middle of the day and he still wouldn’t have helped her.
Bet her mom will slowly be picking up more and more stuff until she's recovered enough to handle a divorce.
This is your wife and you're referring to your shared home as "my place." So many things wrong with the story. Based on the ridiculous nature of the incident and you're added ridiculous comments, I don't believe this actually happened.
Why is she procreating with this man? That's the big question I need answered.
Once she’s had a chance to think about it, she won’t be coming back from her mother’s. There’s no “his side”.
At my place?? She's your wife and it should have read until we can find a comfortable way for her to sleep at home. He becomes more of an AH every time he opens his mouth. I have a feeling this isn't going to last
I can't believe we're still making guys like this in 2023. I can picture my dad being like this...60 years ago!
Did you read his last two words on his last edit? Till she can stay at MY PLACE. That is one supersized AH
I think that gave the game away that the whole thing was made up. It was all very believable until he forgot that a married person would say our place and wrote it like a single person.
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I thought it required to help wife out in these trying times. I worked two job and still did almost everything. She help some. But I could never see my wife suffering and go to bed. Ignoring her plight
Thank Goodness she's left you & Hopefully she won't ever return as she gets more respect love support & attention from her Mom ... You should be ashamed of what you are who you are, what you are & what you haven't done . Mom & Baby will be much better off without you as you aren't up to your now X wife's standards & will never be in a class of Danni 'sOr her family ever ( Now begone you disrespectful R..T
My wonderful partner helped me clean when I had one too many and made a mess, while he was also slammed drunk. That's why I love him, life ain't easy, but we're there for each other. Be it life or our own experimentations, we don't go through it alone! Dude should not only help her because she is pregnant and it's hard, but also because she's his wife and he's supposed to love her!
She's staying at her Mum's til he finds a comfortable way for her to sleep down stairs at "HIS"place...Pardon.She's been gone a couple for days and it's HIS place already? Typical Man/Baby.
Dani, run for the frikkin’ hills! Are you sure that’s really who you want to co-parent your child? Really?
Yeah, dude you're an immature manchild flaming Ahole. What if your wife became ill and bedridden and needed help toileting and cleaning up after soiling? Would you make her do it then? If I were your wife, YOU would be sleeping in your car until you ate a heaping bowl of crow and grovelled on your hands and knees and begged my forgiveness. As it is right now, your behavior is reprehensible and I'd be considering divorce.
What a complete and total türd! I got my period in a dude's bed in college and wanted to DIE! I knew him for 2 weeks! He sat up, smiled, got me a towel and helped me to the shower - when i came out ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED wanting to die all over again (he was so hot too) - the sheets were in the wash and he made me coffee and frozen waffles!!! Thank you Tim S. Wherever you are! *kisses* This was almost a stranger! How does one treat a pregnant WIFE like that? I will pray for this poor lady! Ugh...
She married a real winner there. Hopefully she realizes how much of a piece of garbage he is and leaves him
I love these posts, but I am constantly surprised that people have to actually ask AITA.
Like one commenter, I'm going to tell an embarrassing story. It happened to my husband, not me, but I have his permission. Okay. So he went in to have a routine medical test done, and he had to be put under general anesthesia. As he went under, and they gave him the meds that helped his muscles relax, well, it relaxed his bowels, too. Not a lot. But enough. He felt it and tried to tell them, but they already had the mask on him, and didn't understand, and then he went under. When I saw him in the recovery room, he told me what happened. He was mortified. I immediately went out to ask the nurse for some wipes, whispering (for the sake of privacy) what had happened. She was very understanding. She was the one who explained why it happened, and said that it wasn't uncommon, and asked me if I needed help. I thanked her and told her we'd be okay. And then I took those wipes, walked my husband into his adjoining bathroom, and, because he was very groggy and couldn't do it himself, /1
he asked me to help him. So, with no hesitation whatsoever, I had him stand in front of the sink, and I wiped his butt for him. Yes, I absolutely did. I made sure he was completely clean, then used a pair of gloves and rinsed his soiled underwear in the sink. He had a pair of pants to wear, so I put the wet underwear in a plastic bag the nurse gave me (and I made sure to tell her about the sink, I cleaned it myself as much as possible, but asked her to let housekeeping know, so they could thoroughly disinfect the room when we left). Then I led my husband back to his bed, and waited for him to be awake enough for us to leave. I did all that. And no, it wasn't "comfortable". But I would do it all over again. Because he'd absolutely do the same for me. Because he's always been there for me. ALWAYS. And because when you love someone, you don't just love them in the good times. You love and support them through the tough times, too. And your spouse is supposed to be the one who's there for you when nobody else is. But this guy couldn't even help his PREGNANT wife with a little píss?? He wasn't cOmFoRtAbLe?? HARD YTA, dude. What a little douche. That poor woman. /2/End
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a) YUP, he's a huge AH. He doesn't have a side. I may have missed it but didn't see even one post that said he wasn't TAH. B) She is his wife but it's 'his' place? Not 'our' place. I see a divorce in the near future.
Oh hell no. Toss the little boy. If he's like this before the baby is born, I can't imagine what he'll be line after the little one comes.
Good Grief! Haul the entire bedroom downstairs. The living room is now the bedroom. Stairs to the bathroom? Fk that. Take care of her. That is now your reason for living.
what a moron, what did he expect f*****g without a contraceptive. That he is going to get a plasma tv. A baby is never a "surprise" or a "mistake"
If a husband had a medical condition that sometimes caused him to pee without control and got some of it on the floor and he asked his wife to help him clean up, but she refused since he made the mess, I'm curious if people would be as angry at her as they are at this guy.
The heart of the matter is that She no longer trusts that you have the common sense to care for your child. For you this issue may be why she left but, for her this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back Mr. Oblivious. Is there a reason you haven’t moved downstairs for the duration of the pregnancy? Talking to your coworkers about her messing herself?
The "taking our opinion into consideration..." What a f*****g waste of space. Dani honey you can do so much better than that jackass
This guy is c**p. Even after being told by the major majority he's still willing to "talk it out." Dude, you are the a*s, and I don't see you changing. Period. You can't even see how wrong you are.
Seriously... is the guy 12 years old. I HOPE SHE LEAVES YOU SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.
I'm astounded that she was even willing to talk to you. It sounds to me like when things get though, you run. You promised to love, honour and cherish etc., not just when it suits you. She went to a person who loves her unconditionally for help. That should have been YOU! As her husband your supposed to care for and protect her. You should be ashamed of yourself.
'Uncomfortable' is the level at which this A starts refusing to do things. Would have been wonderful if she'd chosen someone a bit more mature to have a baby with.
She should emulate the pregnant lady who likes to wear her husband's boxers. See if he will make sure she makes it to the loo then.
Wait... so he is comparing him being so sloppy drunk he's pissing himself (been pretty drunk, never soiled myself) to a woman struggling with a child (HIS CHILD) jumping on her bladder? He needs to grow up! YTwholeA.
I love how in his update that because a couple people sided with him, he thinks his point in valid even though a vast majority does not. If I were her, I wouldn't be trying to go back. He won't be there for when she needs help and was perfectly fine packing her off to her mother until he didn't have to deal with anything uncomfortable.
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I see so many posts that hes an a*****e but I do think perhaps the two were lacking a bit of communication? Also is this really the only thing to end this relationship or is there more to this than we see? I had cancer and unfortunately did end up in a similar situation where I was so weak I did not make it to the bathroom. My partner got up and similarly told me it's okay. He even made a joke. I asked him to get me pj's, a towel and some tea to make me feel better and I would clean up the mess and shower. I'm exactly rhe type of person who'd rather die than let anyone else clean up my bodily fluids. But here's the thing, not once did I double his love for me because he was there for me for every other s****y thing. In my mind it's all about balance and this story sounds like it was all out of balance.
Total a*****e. My husband would have cleaned up the mess, and if needed, he would have helped me to bathe. In fact, my husband would shave my legs for me the last month I was pregnant because I could barely reach my ankles! After the baby was born, the next few weeks I had a couple of embarrassing gross moments, without a word he cleaned up the bed while I showered. Thank God men don't get pregnant, we all know how they turn into big babies, imagine if they were gonna have one! I hope you two get it figured out.
I could never tell you all the messes my DH has had to clean up in our 50 years of marriage, without ever once implying that I was disgusting or that it made him "uncomfortable" to look after me. And he wouldn't even tell my mother, let alone his coworkers, that's for sure! This guy is a Loser and I hope she loses him!
I feel so terrible for her. Coming from someone who was horribly sick my entire pregnancy, I would have been so upset if my husband responded this way. My sweet husband cleaned up after me so many times at all hours of the day. We are talking both vomit and accidents, he never made me feel terrible about an already embarrassing situation. I would definitely try to be more caring towards her, especially after the baby is here.
I am nearing the end of my second trimester, and it is hard to get out of bed, bend over, and sometimes to even sit. I'm being kicked, punched, and poked. I have to pee a lot, and frankly, I know I am having a c-section. I won't be able to bend over or pick anything up. With our second child, my husband had to come in the bathroom at the hospital and help change my pad and clean me because I couldn't. If a little poop makes you uncomfortable, I have bad news for you bud..... women become a bloody, milky, heap of hormones AFTER the baby comes.
It would be nice for her if you helped her clean up her mess, but at the same time you are not obligated to do it. If she gets upset at you for not cleaning up after her, that is also something you can't control. You are a free adult person and you can't be forced to do something that you don't want to do in your relationship. Every action has a consequence, just be ready to live with your choices.
But wouldn't it be nice if the HUSBAND helped his WIFE while she is carrying THEIR child? married couples are supposed to be a team, this ain't it.
Load More Replies... "She told me her side side, I told her my side"...What side?? How could he possibly defend himself in this situation? What a douchebag.
He evens shows it more when he says "...until we can find a comfortable way for Dani to sleep downstairs at my place." She is his WIFE! Shouldn't it be OUR place, not MY place?!?! What an @$$hat!!
Load More Replies... Advice from the Auntie-brigade: You hug her, help clean her up, run upstairs for clean undies and pyjama. Run downstairs and help her into these. Gently help her get up those bloody stairs and put her to bed and say "I love you, it's ok sweetheart". You go downsairs and clean up the mess. Go back to bed and give her a cuddle. THAT is what you do for your wife who is carrying your child. YAdefinatelyTA.
Did he just call the house, that he lives in with his wife, HIS place? This dude is a walking red flag. Guaranteed she's going to be taking care of that baby on her own. F**k that guy.
I thought the same thing!! He called it "his place?" Are you kidding? He is a walking red flag. She had nothing to apologize for!!
Load More Replies... Dude, if her pee makes you uncomfortable, wait until you find out what might come out of her when she's pushing the baby out. YTA
Wait til he sees what comes out of the baby! o.O Also, I only made it this far through the comments, because I'm afraid I'll find one supporting him and lose my mind, but has nobody else wondered how drunk you have to be to p#ss yourself? That made me realize OP is a level of man-child that would have to ask the question that was posted in the first place. On that note, time to step away from the puter. :D
Load More Replies... This is what happens when you don't get education from your parents. You got to ask to a bunch of strangers on the internet PLUS your coworkers if you're an as*hole, because you're too stupid and uneducated to know you are...
It also should be required for men to be taught about female biology in detail so they stop being surprised that, yeah, childbearing is extremely taxing and leaves lasting damage to the body in a lot of cases. The ignorance of the female body that many dudes still have is mind-boggling.
Load More Replies... At MY place? Sure hope that was intentional for clarification. Ya know what? It doesn't matter. If you don't consider it OUR place, hopefully she'll stay with her mom from now on and let you have YOUR place. You're still the a*****e. She had nothing to apologize for. You obviously are not committed to her. I hope you become non ambulatory some day and she says "change your own sheets if you mess" and "I don't know how you'll ever relieve yourself if you can't get up. You'll have to just lay there in your mess". Did I already say your are the a*****e? You've done nothing to corrected your a*****e attitude. By the way; I'm a guy. Been married nearly 50 years and would never consider pulling the stunt you did. You should be extremely ashamed of yourself.
He must have gone out of the way to find the 3 people who took his side lol.
I can't wait for the next episode of AITA where he can't get enough sleep because a newborn is so needy.
Nah, it will be „help me, my wive left me and took the kid for no reason at all!“ (no reason at all meaning that he just can‘t see what he did wrong).
Load More Replies... The last time I was sick, I was trying to make it to the bathroom and didn't make it. Many bodily fluids came out. I wasn't even pregnant and my husband just looked at me and said "go get in the shower, I got this."
"She's havin' my baby, ew, yuck how disgusting" is *not* the way that old song went. He's the AH, and she needs to get out and make sure he stays away from the child. What will he think about diapers?!
You know what's funny? My dad is basically useless on the domestic front (I'm sure he would agree) except for your stereotypical man chores. BUT when my sister and I were babies, I'm told that when he wasn't at work, he did ALL our diaper changes. When asked, he told me he basically saw it as quality time with his kids. I thought that was a great perspective that I never thought about before he said it.
Load More Replies... “She’s gonna be staying with her mom until we can find a comfortable way for Dani to sleep downstairs at my place.” …downstairs at MY place?!?!?! WTH?! This “man” is far from a man and definitely not prepared in the least to take on fatherhood. The fact he brings up all the extra hours and look at what I’m doing before going into the story tells me all we need to know. When you can run Dani, run!
First of all, what an a**hat. Second, a very simple thing would be what I did for my wife, and we didn't even have stairs to contend with. I got my wife a portable toilet to keep on our room in case she felt like she couldn't make it to the bathroom even though it was 2 doors from our room. I even said I would clean it out for her. Unfortunately she ended up with pre-eclampsia so our son came early (29 weeks), so it didn't get any use, but we had it. Third, you're still an a**hat.
"I would never expect someone to clean up my mess." Oh, bless him, old age is going to be such an interesting time for him. Hope the kid lives far away by then.
I had something similar happen to me when I was first pregnant and the unexpectedness of it made me so upset, I was frozen to the spot. All I remember is crying and my husband putting me to bed. Somewhere between the crying and being put to bed, he must have cleaned me and changed my pajamas, but he never once mentioned it. I did apologize the next day, but all he said was that if that was the worst that could happen during my pregnancy, he would be a happy man. Turned out that it wasn't the worst, but even then, he held it, and us, together through what turned into a very scary few weeks. And THAT is what makes a true partner and an even better dad, even to this day.
I was hoping for an update but damn, not that kind of one. It's like he still refuses to see how wrong he was and that he has any ground to stand on at all! There's no reason for the wife to apologize!!! Feel sorry for the harsh reality check of how often he'll be changing the baby's messes. And I guarantee he'll frame it so he shouldn't have to do it, despite what he says here.
"I did see some people that saw my side" "At my place" WFT..he needs a wake up call. Guys an a-hole...will continue to be a A-hole.
I'm thinking I need to go to the original on Reddit so I can see who agreed with him.
Load More Replies... Oh it does. It just depends on which one is sick....
Load More Replies... If you really want help, you must help in the way you've been asked to help, not in the way you want to help.
I felt so bad for her. And did he really discuss his wife soiling herself with his colleagues?
The sheer amount of bodily functions, issues, grossness, sickness, growths, pus, etc that you experience from your SO if you are in a loving, open, honest, happy marriage is astounding. It is both gross and beautiful. But there's one thing for sure...if my SO had for ONE SINGLE SOLITARY MILLISECOND expressed ick at what was happening to me during pregnancy, his a*s would have been demolished. Labor, delivery, and post partum was HELL and eye-opening. Get your s**t together OP. Because healing wounds from your c-section or ripped vagina are not fun, especially while cleaning exploding diapers from your kid and dealing with cracked and bleeding nipples. I'm full of rage now.
I have a couple of thoughts on this.. He says the baby would be incapable of taking care of itself, well right now mama cant do it very well herself. The answer really was easy. Get a commode she can use upstairs. Then there's the whole sharing the story with his coworkers., damn.. and finally if she's his wife, that's their house not "my place"
It’s only going to get worse. After I give birth to my first I bled so much it was like a murder scene. I remember my husband helping me in and out of the tub at the hospital and there was blood everywhere and every part of my body was saggy and leaking and it’s was humiliating and this brilliant man was beaming with pride at all I’d done to bring our daughter into this world. Dude it’s pee-get over yourself! Also your house? It’s your families home! You guys need therapy if you’re to make this work!
Wish I could give you a lot more than one upvote Justwastingtime. 😊
Load More Replies... His last sentence says a lot. "at my place," not "at our place." How damning that is. She had NOTHING to apologize for, and if she felt compelled to do so after hearing his side, she is being manipulated, gaslighted. There is no "his side" worth defending. TBH, it's close to emotional abuse. The longer I think about this, the madder I get.
Edit 1: "I'll take your guys' verdict into account..." Edit 2: "...she gave her side of the story, I gave mine." Only an blithering AH would be self-centered enough to write that. Dude. You were wrong on so many levels and you were right about... NOTHING. From your edits it's clear you also learned nothing from the readers' articulate, on-the-nose outrage. If this post isn't a bad joke, then you don't have the intelligence to become a mature adult. Good luck to your wife and child. YTAH.
OP you are completely unprepared for adulting. Pregnant women need a hand, recently pregnant women need a hand too. Babies are going to need help and wait until you see the accidents they have. So do pets. Just wait until you and your wife are elderly! Accidents will happen and you will likely be reliant on each other clean up from time to time. You will also be reliant on strangers to clean you up when you have an accident. Time to grow up and learn to get over your discomfort. And is it YOUR place when the two are married. No, it belongs to the both of you. If you don't want to share in the good times AND the bad you don't need to be with this woman or any other. This is what life looks like. You aren't a teenager anymore.
Douchebag. Pregnant ladies sometimes have trouble standing up, let alone walk quick enough. She's carrying his child and he can't even help her. And he thinks he can compare having too many beers" with her pregnancy- related accident.
Where did the AH see ANYONE siding with him? They're married but he calls it "his" place? Honey wake up, divorce him & take him for every penny of child support you can get for the next 18 years
This is a man who will never change a diaper, never burp the baby for fear of spit-up, never get up in the middle of the night when the baby is sick. Dani should stay with her mom until after the divorce.
Those ladt 3 words speak VOLUMES. "at MY place" not OUR place or HOME, "MY place". That relationship isn't going to last, not unless he does some DRASTIC growing up, because he very much still has a self centered mindset. Aside from obviously having zero clue about what its like for her, and just as obviously having no intention of gaining that perspective, if he is "uncomfortable" over bodily fluids and so fixated on his/hers in SO many aspects, he's not in a partnership, nit really.
So… you can’t see any difference between beer and a baby? Worrying, my dude. Very worrying.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS GUY HAD TO EVEN ASK IF HE IS THE A$$HOLE. ON. SO. MANY. LEVELS. And yes I said that all in capitals on purpose. 🤬
When she's got a bag of frozen peas in her pants to help w pain and sitting on the couch and coughs too hard you might have to clean that up. When she's delivering the baby and is wrecked afterwards and looks like s**t would you help tidy her for guests? She's a machine baking a human and can't move as well now and hormones all over the place. Did you guys go party before marrying? Did you come home drunk and puke an miraculously it was gone in the morning? Did she clean the toilet after you before baby making? Come on. It's a little pee or poo. Get over it. She's freaking insane embarrassed it happened to her an you make it worse. Just help her out. Yeah you lose some sleep one night. That's what coffee is for kiddo.
"My house...I provide..." A big red flag was his resentment he hurled with "I had to get up in like 3 hours to provide for us." Sure. He may be tired. Does he see what she's providing and the exhaustion of it? Does he not expect for sleep to be disrupted?I promise this a**hole is the meathead who will come home from work, sit down and say beer me, or go out with his friends all the time. He will see caretaking his own child as "babysitting" and optional. The bare minimum he does will be heroic in his narcissistic eyes. How do these dudes get whole human beings committing to them???
Why did he give the whole ‘I’m working loads of extra hours’ spiel? He briefly said he would have to get up in a few hours but that wasn’t relevant anyway. He didn’t help her because pee makes him ‘uncomfortable’, it could have been the middle of the day and he still wouldn’t have helped her.
Bet her mom will slowly be picking up more and more stuff until she's recovered enough to handle a divorce.
This is your wife and you're referring to your shared home as "my place." So many things wrong with the story. Based on the ridiculous nature of the incident and you're added ridiculous comments, I don't believe this actually happened.
Why is she procreating with this man? That's the big question I need answered.
Once she’s had a chance to think about it, she won’t be coming back from her mother’s. There’s no “his side”.
At my place?? She's your wife and it should have read until we can find a comfortable way for her to sleep at home. He becomes more of an AH every time he opens his mouth. I have a feeling this isn't going to last
I can't believe we're still making guys like this in 2023. I can picture my dad being like this...60 years ago!
Did you read his last two words on his last edit? Till she can stay at MY PLACE. That is one supersized AH
I think that gave the game away that the whole thing was made up. It was all very believable until he forgot that a married person would say our place and wrote it like a single person.
Load More Replies... I thought it required to help wife out in these trying times. I worked two job and still did almost everything. She help some. But I could never see my wife suffering and go to bed. Ignoring her plight
Thank Goodness she's left you & Hopefully she won't ever return as she gets more respect love support & attention from her Mom ... You should be ashamed of what you are who you are, what you are & what you haven't done . Mom & Baby will be much better off without you as you aren't up to your now X wife's standards & will never be in a class of Danni 'sOr her family ever ( Now begone you disrespectful R..T
My wonderful partner helped me clean when I had one too many and made a mess, while he was also slammed drunk. That's why I love him, life ain't easy, but we're there for each other. Be it life or our own experimentations, we don't go through it alone! Dude should not only help her because she is pregnant and it's hard, but also because she's his wife and he's supposed to love her!
She's staying at her Mum's til he finds a comfortable way for her to sleep down stairs at "HIS"place...Pardon.She's been gone a couple for days and it's HIS place already? Typical Man/Baby.
Dani, run for the frikkin’ hills! Are you sure that’s really who you want to co-parent your child? Really?
Yeah, dude you're an immature manchild flaming Ahole. What if your wife became ill and bedridden and needed help toileting and cleaning up after soiling? Would you make her do it then? If I were your wife, YOU would be sleeping in your car until you ate a heaping bowl of crow and grovelled on your hands and knees and begged my forgiveness. As it is right now, your behavior is reprehensible and I'd be considering divorce.
What a complete and total türd! I got my period in a dude's bed in college and wanted to DIE! I knew him for 2 weeks! He sat up, smiled, got me a towel and helped me to the shower - when i came out ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED wanting to die all over again (he was so hot too) - the sheets were in the wash and he made me coffee and frozen waffles!!! Thank you Tim S. Wherever you are! *kisses* This was almost a stranger! How does one treat a pregnant WIFE like that? I will pray for this poor lady! Ugh...
She married a real winner there. Hopefully she realizes how much of a piece of garbage he is and leaves him
I love these posts, but I am constantly surprised that people have to actually ask AITA.
Like one commenter, I'm going to tell an embarrassing story. It happened to my husband, not me, but I have his permission. Okay. So he went in to have a routine medical test done, and he had to be put under general anesthesia. As he went under, and they gave him the meds that helped his muscles relax, well, it relaxed his bowels, too. Not a lot. But enough. He felt it and tried to tell them, but they already had the mask on him, and didn't understand, and then he went under. When I saw him in the recovery room, he told me what happened. He was mortified. I immediately went out to ask the nurse for some wipes, whispering (for the sake of privacy) what had happened. She was very understanding. She was the one who explained why it happened, and said that it wasn't uncommon, and asked me if I needed help. I thanked her and told her we'd be okay. And then I took those wipes, walked my husband into his adjoining bathroom, and, because he was very groggy and couldn't do it himself, /1
he asked me to help him. So, with no hesitation whatsoever, I had him stand in front of the sink, and I wiped his butt for him. Yes, I absolutely did. I made sure he was completely clean, then used a pair of gloves and rinsed his soiled underwear in the sink. He had a pair of pants to wear, so I put the wet underwear in a plastic bag the nurse gave me (and I made sure to tell her about the sink, I cleaned it myself as much as possible, but asked her to let housekeeping know, so they could thoroughly disinfect the room when we left). Then I led my husband back to his bed, and waited for him to be awake enough for us to leave. I did all that. And no, it wasn't "comfortable". But I would do it all over again. Because he'd absolutely do the same for me. Because he's always been there for me. ALWAYS. And because when you love someone, you don't just love them in the good times. You love and support them through the tough times, too. And your spouse is supposed to be the one who's there for you when nobody else is. But this guy couldn't even help his PREGNANT wife with a little píss?? He wasn't cOmFoRtAbLe?? HARD YTA, dude. What a little douche. That poor woman. /2/End
Load More Replies... a) YUP, he's a huge AH. He doesn't have a side. I may have missed it but didn't see even one post that said he wasn't TAH. B) She is his wife but it's 'his' place? Not 'our' place. I see a divorce in the near future.
Oh hell no. Toss the little boy. If he's like this before the baby is born, I can't imagine what he'll be line after the little one comes.
Good Grief! Haul the entire bedroom downstairs. The living room is now the bedroom. Stairs to the bathroom? Fk that. Take care of her. That is now your reason for living.
what a moron, what did he expect f*****g without a contraceptive. That he is going to get a plasma tv. A baby is never a "surprise" or a "mistake"
If a husband had a medical condition that sometimes caused him to pee without control and got some of it on the floor and he asked his wife to help him clean up, but she refused since he made the mess, I'm curious if people would be as angry at her as they are at this guy.
The heart of the matter is that She no longer trusts that you have the common sense to care for your child. For you this issue may be why she left but, for her this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back Mr. Oblivious. Is there a reason you haven’t moved downstairs for the duration of the pregnancy? Talking to your coworkers about her messing herself?
The "taking our opinion into consideration..." What a f*****g waste of space. Dani honey you can do so much better than that jackass
This guy is c**p. Even after being told by the major majority he's still willing to "talk it out." Dude, you are the a*s, and I don't see you changing. Period. You can't even see how wrong you are.
Seriously... is the guy 12 years old. I HOPE SHE LEAVES YOU SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.
I'm astounded that she was even willing to talk to you. It sounds to me like when things get though, you run. You promised to love, honour and cherish etc., not just when it suits you. She went to a person who loves her unconditionally for help. That should have been YOU! As her husband your supposed to care for and protect her. You should be ashamed of yourself.
'Uncomfortable' is the level at which this A starts refusing to do things. Would have been wonderful if she'd chosen someone a bit more mature to have a baby with.
She should emulate the pregnant lady who likes to wear her husband's boxers. See if he will make sure she makes it to the loo then.
Wait... so he is comparing him being so sloppy drunk he's pissing himself (been pretty drunk, never soiled myself) to a woman struggling with a child (HIS CHILD) jumping on her bladder? He needs to grow up! YTwholeA.
I love how in his update that because a couple people sided with him, he thinks his point in valid even though a vast majority does not. If I were her, I wouldn't be trying to go back. He won't be there for when she needs help and was perfectly fine packing her off to her mother until he didn't have to deal with anything uncomfortable.
Load More Replies... I see so many posts that hes an a*****e but I do think perhaps the two were lacking a bit of communication? Also is this really the only thing to end this relationship or is there more to this than we see? I had cancer and unfortunately did end up in a similar situation where I was so weak I did not make it to the bathroom. My partner got up and similarly told me it's okay. He even made a joke. I asked him to get me pj's, a towel and some tea to make me feel better and I would clean up the mess and shower. I'm exactly rhe type of person who'd rather die than let anyone else clean up my bodily fluids. But here's the thing, not once did I double his love for me because he was there for me for every other s****y thing. In my mind it's all about balance and this story sounds like it was all out of balance.
Total a*****e. My husband would have cleaned up the mess, and if needed, he would have helped me to bathe. In fact, my husband would shave my legs for me the last month I was pregnant because I could barely reach my ankles! After the baby was born, the next few weeks I had a couple of embarrassing gross moments, without a word he cleaned up the bed while I showered. Thank God men don't get pregnant, we all know how they turn into big babies, imagine if they were gonna have one! I hope you two get it figured out.
I could never tell you all the messes my DH has had to clean up in our 50 years of marriage, without ever once implying that I was disgusting or that it made him "uncomfortable" to look after me. And he wouldn't even tell my mother, let alone his coworkers, that's for sure! This guy is a Loser and I hope she loses him!
I feel so terrible for her. Coming from someone who was horribly sick my entire pregnancy, I would have been so upset if my husband responded this way. My sweet husband cleaned up after me so many times at all hours of the day. We are talking both vomit and accidents, he never made me feel terrible about an already embarrassing situation. I would definitely try to be more caring towards her, especially after the baby is here.
I am nearing the end of my second trimester, and it is hard to get out of bed, bend over, and sometimes to even sit. I'm being kicked, punched, and poked. I have to pee a lot, and frankly, I know I am having a c-section. I won't be able to bend over or pick anything up. With our second child, my husband had to come in the bathroom at the hospital and help change my pad and clean me because I couldn't. If a little poop makes you uncomfortable, I have bad news for you bud..... women become a bloody, milky, heap of hormones AFTER the baby comes.
It would be nice for her if you helped her clean up her mess, but at the same time you are not obligated to do it. If she gets upset at you for not cleaning up after her, that is also something you can't control. You are a free adult person and you can't be forced to do something that you don't want to do in your relationship. Every action has a consequence, just be ready to live with your choices.
But wouldn't it be nice if the HUSBAND helped his WIFE while she is carrying THEIR child? married couples are supposed to be a team, this ain't it.
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