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“AITA For Putting An Outside Lock On My Bathroom To Prevent My Wife From Using It?”
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“AITA For Putting An Outside Lock On My Bathroom To Prevent My Wife From Using It?”

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The bathroom is a sort of serene place, a location where one wasn’t to feel at ease. The reality of life and our biology is that we often have to make do with what we have. This is particularly true if you live with another person, where questions of space and ownership become more pertinent.

A man asked the internet if he maybe went too far when he placed an actual lock on his bathroom to keep his wife out, as her method of using it caused him discomfort. While on the surface, his solutions might look extreme, he gave some details that perhaps vindicated his decision.

Sharing a property with a loved one needs open and honest communication

Image credits: Christa Grover (not the actual photo)

One man decided to lock his bathroom after his wife kept using it

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Image credits: kryzhov (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Alarmed_Translator75 (not the actual photo)

Bathrooms can cause an unexpected amount of arguments

As some commenters suggested, OP is not in the wrong, but it seems questionable how well a marriage can function if one needs literal locks to keep the other partner from doing something. On the one hand, they started out strong, as a lack of personal space is often the undoing of many new marriages. However, very quickly, the wife seems to be violating it for one reason or another (the comments suggest some possibilities) and ignoring her husband’s very reasonable, previously agreed-upon request. Whether or not he should make this a line in the sand is ultimately up to him, but it’s worth considering that if she will break this agreement, what else will she change if it suits her?

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This might seem like a relatively minor issue, but research suggests that the little habits of one’s partner, particularly one you cohabit with, do affect your day-to-day functioning. Eating patterns are a major one, including everything from what a person eats, to when they prefer to take their meals. Interestingly, women are more affected by a partner’s habits before marriage, while men are more affected post-marriage.

These little, day-to-day things aren’t just mundane, they all fall into the category of relationship maintenance. Just being together, particularly in the same house, is not enough, active, conscious steps need to be taken to ensure both parties are happy. Daniel Canary from the International Encyclopedia of Marriage believes that “simply staying together is not sufficient; instead, the quality of the relationship is important. For researchers, this means examining behaviors that are linked to relational satisfaction and other indicators of quality.”

Good feelings aren’t enough to sustain a relationship, they must be maintained

Quantitative studies indicate that to keep a relationship happy and well-maintained, however, the couple chooses to define that, the good-to-bad interaction ratio should be roughly five to one. While OP might have a different view, it seems that every time his wife used his bathroom, with the subsequent results, this was, rightly, perceived as a negative interaction. While we don’t know that much else about his relationship, this regular thorn in his side was likely a regular enough irritant. In the comments he mentions also cleaning up after her, which no doubt factored into his decision to put a lock on the door.

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Successful romantic relationships require open communication, showing trust and trustworthiness between both parties. A lock is a physical indicator that he does not trust her to keep her word. Similarly, we all need assurances in our relationships that a person will do what they have agreed to do. While she might not see the issue the same way, OP’s wife needs to understand how he feels about her use of his bathroom, particularly when she has a perfectly usable alternative herself. Even better, she could consider changing her “technique” to avoid the issue entirely. On the surface, bathroom usage is not the end of the world, but how this couple resolves this issue or leaves it unresolved will influence every forthcoming argument and disagreement.

Most readers sided with OP on the bathroom issue

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carolynking avatar
CD King
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is such a strange, and bizarrely, fascinating post. People are so strange in many of their personal habits. I'm just sitting here slowing shaking my head.

zeljkoklaric78_1 avatar
Bernd Herbert
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is it possible that the woman is 31 and never learned to clean the damn toilet. And also weird from my German perspective: having separate bathrooms in a house

emmiepsykc avatar
Em
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That part is weird in America too. Many houses have multiple bathrooms, but they're not generally rigidly defined as 'belonging' to someone. The only exception is an ensuite, in which case it's polite to at least ask the person whose bedroom you'll be walking through to access the bathroom.

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thorjhaugen avatar
Thor Haugen
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this is the definition of first world problems. I have a nice house with 4 bedrooms, three full baths, etc. Been here almost 10 years. I have never cared where any of my exs pooped. Although honestly it's never been a problem either. Through three relationships. As long as the fan is on and the door is closed. How exactly do you poop wrong?

cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf (she/her)
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be fair, I know what OP is talking about. If someone sits too far forward on the toilet seat, when they poo, the log-o-poo won't splash nicely into the pool of water. It will land on the sloped side of the toilet bowl, leaving (basically) skidmarks. My family has owned a housecleaning service for 30 years, so I know what OP is talking about. It IS gross. There's no reason why OP's wife can't either sit further back so she poops into the water pool, OR cleans up after herself immediately with a toilet-bowl wand or scrubber or something. Edited to add: I do live in America, and I know that toilets in other countries work differently. But here in the US, they have a bowl that you sit over, and in the bottom of the bowl is a pool of water that you defecate/urinate into. If you sit too far forward on the seat, you'll "miss" the water and your waste will hit the side slope of the toilet. I'm assuming OP is in America, because of how they describe the toilet/poo situation.

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mollywhuppie avatar
Molly Whuppie
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is very weird. Like, I get seperate bathrooms, and the wanting to use his so she doesn't have to clean hers. It's lazy, but whatevs. It's the panic that is the weird thing. I feel like most people wouldn't panic over cleaning a toilet. Get annoyed, sure. Find it disgusting? yes. But panic over it? no. I wonder if there is more to it somehow. In any case OP needs to talk to her about it and maybe encourage her to see someone professionally. Because if she can't cope with cleaning her own toilet, imagine what is going to happen if they decide to have kids. Kids can be Poop Monsters and OP is going to find himself on permanent poop duty.

emmiepsykc avatar
Em
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read it more like she has 'her' toilet mentally classed as Not An Appropriate Place To S**t, and was panicking in the way one might if there was no toilet available in an emergency. Which, if anything, is even weirder, but I don't think it was actually panic about having to clean it.

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kathrynbaylis avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The wife is like a wild animal marking territory. Either that, or she’s leaving you a subconscious metaphor for how she really feels about you. I mean, she had to go really badly, and was begging you to unlock your bathroom, all while standing right next to her own, unlocked, unoccupied, fully plumbed FULL, not half—-and half baths still have toilets—-bathroom. That. Is. Weird. Unless of course, her huge BMs have already hopelessly backed up her own toilet…

royalstray avatar
Royal Stray
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or it's 2 different types of toilets and hers has a more shallow bowl while his has a deep one

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cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf (she/her)
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wife needs to either literally immediately clean up after herself after she poos in the loo, or she's forbidden from using that toilet. Honestly, it's weird to me that they have "separate bathrooms"/their own bathrooms, but if it works for them, that's fine. I share a bathroom with my boyfriend, and if EITHER of us leaves a mess in there, we clean it up. There are toilet bowl cleaners, wands, scrubs, TONS of tools and items to help one clean a toilet (and some of the modern wands you don't even have to touch, they have one-click-to-remove disposable pads on the ends.) I LOATHE cleaning toilets, but I still do it because I am a rational human being. Actually, scratch that - even my two cats leave less of a mess in their litterboxes, and my disabled dog takes cleaner/neater poops than OP's wife...

jppennington avatar
JayWantsACat
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did she not have this issue before you moved in? Or did they never even spend the night at each other's places to iron out these types of issues? I understand why there are reasons why people don't want to live together before marriage (nor have premarital sex). But it's insane to find out about obvious incompatibilities, both everyday and sexual, after you're marries.

jacquelinewilliams avatar
Nice Beast Ludo
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is SO WEIRD!!! I have been with my husband 16 years as of today actually and still never want to poop around him (or anyone honestly) or leave any evidence that I do!! So gross!! Why would she do this to him it's so effing rude I can't believe it. That would make me SO MAD and she is taking a metaphorical s**t right on his head by doing this.

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if she w9rks and if she is one of "those" people who make a mess in public and work toilets and then act innocent and oblivious when it becomes someone else's nightmare there too?

r-uraynor avatar
rullyman
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Blllleerreegghhhhhhh I've always wondered about people like that and how they leave their toilets at home. If I'm somewhere public that has a toilet brush (some nice places do), I'm not afraid to use it when needed.

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rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love twists! I came her fully expecting the guy to be wrong, but no! I am 100% on his side! My wife always had to have the first bite of my food, often without even asking. I pointed out that it was some kind of dominance behavior and she disagreed and said she doesn't do it often. I kept pointing it out and she finally realized it was weird and stopped, but she didn't consciously see it until pointed out... our weird animal brains...

debbykeir avatar
Debby Keir
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Buy her a lavatory brush, with a pink bow tied on so she knows it's hers.....

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rich people problems. My entire goal in life has been to live somewhere that has more than one bathroom. I'm in my 50's now and still no dice. I wish I could argue with my husband about him using my bathroom as opposed to his.

tjleso99 avatar
Headless Horseman
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Before we moved, my husband and I had two bathrooms. One was for s******g and the other was for everything else like showering & makeup, hair stuff, whatever. We took turns cleaning the poop bathroom 😂

alanwilkening avatar
Earl Grey
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So if I got this right, the sequence was (1) get married; then (2) buy a house; then (3) move in together some months later? Who does it this way? Wife seems childlike and unable to articulate her underlying issue with her bathroom, perhaps some sort of phobia or potty-related child abuse PTSD? Go shopping together and let her pick out the toilet of her dreams, then have it installed in her bathroom. If that doesn’t work, then designate the bathroom as the Guests Only bathroom and keep it on perpetual lockdown. If the guy married a nutter, that’s what he deserves for failing to live together to work out such idiosyncrasies BEFORE getting married. Co-habitation is a protracted discovery process. Do not skip that step.

chuckycheezburger avatar
Chucky Cheezburger
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with some of the posted comments that he should go poo in her toilet, but not just any poo...I mean a pickled egg, green apple, and blue raspberry drink mix poo with 15 bean soup and sugar free gummy bears for dessert. Make such an atrocious, odiferouis deuce of dastardly, sulfuric stench that the house looses resale value. Drop that H2S bomb with the understanding that it will continue until there aren't skid marks left either bowl... BWAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAhaaaahaaaaaaaa....Yeah, that might be a bit much....maybe....

ciccibr avatar
Goblin
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The nasty wife clearly needs to learn how to clean up after herself!

hjsayen avatar
Bowtechie
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My question is this: why didn't they live together BEFORE getting married and buying a house? I feel like that should be something to do at least a little while before making such big commitments, so you can see what living with the other person is like and have a good hard think about whether or not that their habits are something you can live with.

laure avatar
Laure
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was wondering if I was the first one being bothered by that! They never lived together and decide to BUY a house as their first place as a couple?!? What could go wrong...

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abigor avatar
Cyber Returns
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Knock down the separating wall and remove a toilet. Problem solved. No one gets a bathroom to themselves. You share, meaning you can also have a bath, and she can also have a shower, and you can both use the same sh*tter

imamanimal avatar
Ima Manimal
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or take a picture of how she leaves the bathroom and threaten to show her friends.

imamanimal avatar
Ima Manimal
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That marriage is doomed. If I were him, I’d take a huge dump in her toilet, not flush, and wiz on the seat.

caroleg_ avatar
Carole G.
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This issue is so strange. Really need to have a sit-down face to face & find out the "real" problem she has. She panicked, somethings wrong here.

marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Windtree
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is the woman pooping on the OP's toilet equivalent to a dog marking a spot with his pee?

brechjegeutjes avatar
Brechje Geutjes
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thing this is very funny, 'cause I have serious bowel issues and we have just one toilet. I call it 'the garden hose-effect'. Although we never ever have any conflicts about it. I'm a descent lady, I will clean the toilet after me. But I also have learned because my bowel issues to be honest about why I have to toilet so long, even when we sleep over by friends. No, it's not my favorite subject but I can't help my disease.

pincriske avatar
Almost sunny
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This lady is weird, why would she do this and also not mind her partner seeing her c**p? Yuck.

murdock_schlegel avatar
Murdock Schlegel
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing a toilett brush couldnt fix. Standard in nearly every european household. Even some public restrooms have them.

appsfor72 avatar
Apps
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the advice for the husband to go no. 2 in the wife's bathroom. Using her logic, it's his house too and he should be able to use any bathroom. He should sit forward and poop exactly as she does too. Leave her toilet bowl all streaky 🤮 I bet she sees the light in no time. On a different note, how narcissistic of her to only think of her comfort and not his. 🚩🚩🚩

macforme17 avatar
Lindy Mac
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very sad dilemma. This marriage is on shaky ground over a very stupid problem. Please do NOT have kids until she grows up . She is really unreasonable.

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, this is doomed. She is so entitled that she thinks nothing of s******g in his bathroom and not cleaning up after herself. Nothing good comes from being married to someone who takes the best for themselves and leaves you with c**p (literally in this case).

rosebroady8 avatar
Livingwithcfs
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well that relationship going to work out well, locking doors, his and her bathrooms, lack of clear communication, childish behavior. Yip all the signs of a relationship heading for the rocks Good grief they are both behaving like children

dodsonmichelle avatar
Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would totally start sh*tting in her toilet and not even bothering to flush. "Oh, that's gross? That bothers you? Tough sh*t (literally). You leave sh*t smears all over MY toilet to clean up - so what exactly is the problem?"

tlilly avatar
Gracie Mae
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the title, I was all ready to to say YATA, but after reading, SHE is! Wow...how utterly inconsiderate and gross. Please don't give in. There is absolutely NO REASON why she should be using your bathroom when HERS is right there! Plan ahead, I don't see this lasting if she keeps insisting...

houseofno avatar
Houseof No
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it were myself AND I were married to such a unhygenic SLOB, I would have gone one better and installed a facial recognition lock on that door so that only you could access it. There are Youtube videos describing how to create this. NTA and sorry to hear you married a DISGUSTING CHILD who can't or won't clean up after herself.

randibeeman avatar
Miranda Prince
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is definitely weird. Girl, you have your own bathroom. S**t in it!

annachristinaharding avatar
Anna Harding
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had bosses who did this. Mother and daughter, both! So gross.

nlynch1010 avatar
Nancy Lynch
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is there an actual difference between the two toilets? Height? Seat? OP's might be more comfortable. Personally, I would want to use the shower.

vishwajeetsatpute avatar
Vishy
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does anybody really care whether you lock your bathroom or your wife.

morachilis avatar
Mora Chilis
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet he is making up the poop on the toilet to make his story more "plausible". He just does not want her going in his bathroom because it stinks.

desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sound like some kind of phobia. What did she do before she met you. At some point she shared a bathroom, in her parents hone. University residency maybe as a roommate etc. Or even having her own apartment Unless there was someone who always cleaned after her toilet visits. Hell even Rich people flush their own c**p. Doesn't sound like you have kids cause your hands will be deep into c**p more than you can ccount.dude I suggest you get her to a Dr cause that reaction to her own poop is not the norm. There's more at play here and she's gonna have to check it out. It may be something beyond her control and she may need help.

bjenkins3988 avatar
brittany
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

fight fire with fire, sit far forward and leave stool streaks in her toilet, she wants to play stupid games she can win stupid prizes

squifflenoses avatar
Squiffle Noses
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of these stories are extremely one sided and we shouldn't always jump to, 'she's clearly a monster', or, 'Red Flag! Leave her immediately!' until we get the other side of the story. This sounds to me like someone getting revenge on someone for something they've asked them to stop doing, but been ignored on. On the other hand... maybe she is just a monster and he should leave her.

brianne_amos avatar
Brainmas
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole situation is weird af. I'd sit down and make her explain why, or just started pooping in her toilet.

johannazamora_1 avatar
Pyla
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is insanely stupid. Bored Panda, how can you repost such moronic drivel?

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you have bigger problems than a lock on the toilet door.

margarethinman avatar
Margaret Hinman
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well he's not accepting the role that women have had to play forever. Dealing with with cleaning up the disgusting s**t that males leave behind everywhere and always. Males are f*****g weak whiners.

lunashau avatar
Ash
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this woman has an Issue with a capital I that needs to be addressed. Panicking when you have to poop in your own bathroom is not normal. The couple really needs to talk about this.

scottrackley avatar
Scott Rackley
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

PUNISH. HER. TOILET. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhMIbO3S--E

orionred_1 avatar
Orion Red
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is missing info here I think. Maybe he has a bidet, maybe only his has a window or a vent fan, maybe she runs the shower.

barbara-delahunty avatar
PurpleUnicorn🇮🇪
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel this. My husband has his own en-suite bathroom, the rest of us mainly use the main bathroom (except for the shower which is in the en-suite). But for some reason he often comes out of one bathroom and into the other, drives me nuts!

russelllarsen avatar
Hokuloa
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fight feral with feral? If he pissed all over his toilet seat and started poo streaking her toilet bowl, things would change. No telling how though!

ipanda0031 avatar
Sir Panda
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nta, wtf this almost sounds made up. Who does that? That's disgusting. Just get divorced now. Before it gets Even deeper.

ldmonteith avatar
Key Lime
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should be cleaning the toilet after she poops. You should have asked her once to clean up after herself and it should have never been a problem again. She is gross to leave a mess.

erwacht2001 avatar
Randy Sanders
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My bathroom has a genuine Ferguson toilet. It was designed for a mans posterior, and has special seats as such. I am the only one that is allowed to use it, and there are plenty others to use in the house. So no, not unusual at all.

geraldchristopher avatar
Gerald Christopher
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell her to put a little tissue in the front where the poop usually lands. Do this before she poops. So when she does poop it will fall on the tissue, and when she flushes, it will all go right out. No streaks, no stuck poop no problem.

michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Listen, buddy. This isn't the only way this woman is going to s**t on you if you stay in this relationship.

beab_ avatar
Ample Aardvark
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have just one bathroom and a few times the toilet is not left as clean as it was found, but it's really a rare occurrence, if it's every time (and it's not a health issue) that just being disrespectful and disgusting. What else is she being disgusting about, licking cutlery instead of washing?

nitka711 avatar
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn‘t he just ask her to clean up after herself? He did not mention anything like that

lorih47 avatar
Lori w
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly just show her the poo. If she's a reasonable person, she'll be embarrassed but check next time Most women don't have this problem it goes in the bowl- we do however, rarely lift the toilet seat, so if we are causing splash back etc, we are unaware. I think you should be able to share bathrooms. This post is a good reason to live together before marriage or buying a house.

lissawattenbarger avatar
pug nose curly tail
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMGGG HOW DISGUSTING!! I work with a girl/imbecile that does this, and it is the grossest, rudest, inconsiderate act of nastiness. I couldn't believe someone would leave this for someone else to clean up. OP needs to run and never look back. Ugh! I can't imagine having to deal with this at home.

sophieadele1 avatar
Sillypants
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahahahaha who doesn't know how to use a toilet brush? Clean up your s**t! This is weird. Good luck with your marriage, children.

myronmog avatar
moggie63
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she leaves smears on your toilet simply go and s**t in her bath.

kaleidoscope-cove888 avatar
PeepPeep the duck
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, save yourself the hassle and just part ways while you can 😆 stupid situation featuring two ridiculous people. Imagine being so petty

carolynking avatar
CD King
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is such a strange, and bizarrely, fascinating post. People are so strange in many of their personal habits. I'm just sitting here slowing shaking my head.

zeljkoklaric78_1 avatar
Bernd Herbert
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is it possible that the woman is 31 and never learned to clean the damn toilet. And also weird from my German perspective: having separate bathrooms in a house

emmiepsykc avatar
Em
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That part is weird in America too. Many houses have multiple bathrooms, but they're not generally rigidly defined as 'belonging' to someone. The only exception is an ensuite, in which case it's polite to at least ask the person whose bedroom you'll be walking through to access the bathroom.

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thorjhaugen avatar
Thor Haugen
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this is the definition of first world problems. I have a nice house with 4 bedrooms, three full baths, etc. Been here almost 10 years. I have never cared where any of my exs pooped. Although honestly it's never been a problem either. Through three relationships. As long as the fan is on and the door is closed. How exactly do you poop wrong?

cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf (she/her)
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be fair, I know what OP is talking about. If someone sits too far forward on the toilet seat, when they poo, the log-o-poo won't splash nicely into the pool of water. It will land on the sloped side of the toilet bowl, leaving (basically) skidmarks. My family has owned a housecleaning service for 30 years, so I know what OP is talking about. It IS gross. There's no reason why OP's wife can't either sit further back so she poops into the water pool, OR cleans up after herself immediately with a toilet-bowl wand or scrubber or something. Edited to add: I do live in America, and I know that toilets in other countries work differently. But here in the US, they have a bowl that you sit over, and in the bottom of the bowl is a pool of water that you defecate/urinate into. If you sit too far forward on the seat, you'll "miss" the water and your waste will hit the side slope of the toilet. I'm assuming OP is in America, because of how they describe the toilet/poo situation.

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mollywhuppie avatar
Molly Whuppie
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is very weird. Like, I get seperate bathrooms, and the wanting to use his so she doesn't have to clean hers. It's lazy, but whatevs. It's the panic that is the weird thing. I feel like most people wouldn't panic over cleaning a toilet. Get annoyed, sure. Find it disgusting? yes. But panic over it? no. I wonder if there is more to it somehow. In any case OP needs to talk to her about it and maybe encourage her to see someone professionally. Because if she can't cope with cleaning her own toilet, imagine what is going to happen if they decide to have kids. Kids can be Poop Monsters and OP is going to find himself on permanent poop duty.

emmiepsykc avatar
Em
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read it more like she has 'her' toilet mentally classed as Not An Appropriate Place To S**t, and was panicking in the way one might if there was no toilet available in an emergency. Which, if anything, is even weirder, but I don't think it was actually panic about having to clean it.

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kathrynbaylis avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The wife is like a wild animal marking territory. Either that, or she’s leaving you a subconscious metaphor for how she really feels about you. I mean, she had to go really badly, and was begging you to unlock your bathroom, all while standing right next to her own, unlocked, unoccupied, fully plumbed FULL, not half—-and half baths still have toilets—-bathroom. That. Is. Weird. Unless of course, her huge BMs have already hopelessly backed up her own toilet…

royalstray avatar
Royal Stray
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or it's 2 different types of toilets and hers has a more shallow bowl while his has a deep one

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cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf (she/her)
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wife needs to either literally immediately clean up after herself after she poos in the loo, or she's forbidden from using that toilet. Honestly, it's weird to me that they have "separate bathrooms"/their own bathrooms, but if it works for them, that's fine. I share a bathroom with my boyfriend, and if EITHER of us leaves a mess in there, we clean it up. There are toilet bowl cleaners, wands, scrubs, TONS of tools and items to help one clean a toilet (and some of the modern wands you don't even have to touch, they have one-click-to-remove disposable pads on the ends.) I LOATHE cleaning toilets, but I still do it because I am a rational human being. Actually, scratch that - even my two cats leave less of a mess in their litterboxes, and my disabled dog takes cleaner/neater poops than OP's wife...

jppennington avatar
JayWantsACat
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did she not have this issue before you moved in? Or did they never even spend the night at each other's places to iron out these types of issues? I understand why there are reasons why people don't want to live together before marriage (nor have premarital sex). But it's insane to find out about obvious incompatibilities, both everyday and sexual, after you're marries.

jacquelinewilliams avatar
Nice Beast Ludo
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is SO WEIRD!!! I have been with my husband 16 years as of today actually and still never want to poop around him (or anyone honestly) or leave any evidence that I do!! So gross!! Why would she do this to him it's so effing rude I can't believe it. That would make me SO MAD and she is taking a metaphorical s**t right on his head by doing this.

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if she w9rks and if she is one of "those" people who make a mess in public and work toilets and then act innocent and oblivious when it becomes someone else's nightmare there too?

r-uraynor avatar
rullyman
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Blllleerreegghhhhhhh I've always wondered about people like that and how they leave their toilets at home. If I'm somewhere public that has a toilet brush (some nice places do), I'm not afraid to use it when needed.

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rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love twists! I came her fully expecting the guy to be wrong, but no! I am 100% on his side! My wife always had to have the first bite of my food, often without even asking. I pointed out that it was some kind of dominance behavior and she disagreed and said she doesn't do it often. I kept pointing it out and she finally realized it was weird and stopped, but she didn't consciously see it until pointed out... our weird animal brains...

debbykeir avatar
Debby Keir
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Buy her a lavatory brush, with a pink bow tied on so she knows it's hers.....

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rich people problems. My entire goal in life has been to live somewhere that has more than one bathroom. I'm in my 50's now and still no dice. I wish I could argue with my husband about him using my bathroom as opposed to his.

tjleso99 avatar
Headless Horseman
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Before we moved, my husband and I had two bathrooms. One was for s******g and the other was for everything else like showering & makeup, hair stuff, whatever. We took turns cleaning the poop bathroom 😂

alanwilkening avatar
Earl Grey
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So if I got this right, the sequence was (1) get married; then (2) buy a house; then (3) move in together some months later? Who does it this way? Wife seems childlike and unable to articulate her underlying issue with her bathroom, perhaps some sort of phobia or potty-related child abuse PTSD? Go shopping together and let her pick out the toilet of her dreams, then have it installed in her bathroom. If that doesn’t work, then designate the bathroom as the Guests Only bathroom and keep it on perpetual lockdown. If the guy married a nutter, that’s what he deserves for failing to live together to work out such idiosyncrasies BEFORE getting married. Co-habitation is a protracted discovery process. Do not skip that step.

chuckycheezburger avatar
Chucky Cheezburger
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with some of the posted comments that he should go poo in her toilet, but not just any poo...I mean a pickled egg, green apple, and blue raspberry drink mix poo with 15 bean soup and sugar free gummy bears for dessert. Make such an atrocious, odiferouis deuce of dastardly, sulfuric stench that the house looses resale value. Drop that H2S bomb with the understanding that it will continue until there aren't skid marks left either bowl... BWAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAhaaaahaaaaaaaa....Yeah, that might be a bit much....maybe....

ciccibr avatar
Goblin
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The nasty wife clearly needs to learn how to clean up after herself!

hjsayen avatar
Bowtechie
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My question is this: why didn't they live together BEFORE getting married and buying a house? I feel like that should be something to do at least a little while before making such big commitments, so you can see what living with the other person is like and have a good hard think about whether or not that their habits are something you can live with.

laure avatar
Laure
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was wondering if I was the first one being bothered by that! They never lived together and decide to BUY a house as their first place as a couple?!? What could go wrong...

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abigor avatar
Cyber Returns
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Knock down the separating wall and remove a toilet. Problem solved. No one gets a bathroom to themselves. You share, meaning you can also have a bath, and she can also have a shower, and you can both use the same sh*tter

imamanimal avatar
Ima Manimal
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or take a picture of how she leaves the bathroom and threaten to show her friends.

imamanimal avatar
Ima Manimal
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That marriage is doomed. If I were him, I’d take a huge dump in her toilet, not flush, and wiz on the seat.

caroleg_ avatar
Carole G.
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This issue is so strange. Really need to have a sit-down face to face & find out the "real" problem she has. She panicked, somethings wrong here.

marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Windtree
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is the woman pooping on the OP's toilet equivalent to a dog marking a spot with his pee?

brechjegeutjes avatar
Brechje Geutjes
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thing this is very funny, 'cause I have serious bowel issues and we have just one toilet. I call it 'the garden hose-effect'. Although we never ever have any conflicts about it. I'm a descent lady, I will clean the toilet after me. But I also have learned because my bowel issues to be honest about why I have to toilet so long, even when we sleep over by friends. No, it's not my favorite subject but I can't help my disease.

pincriske avatar
Almost sunny
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This lady is weird, why would she do this and also not mind her partner seeing her c**p? Yuck.

murdock_schlegel avatar
Murdock Schlegel
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing a toilett brush couldnt fix. Standard in nearly every european household. Even some public restrooms have them.

appsfor72 avatar
Apps
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the advice for the husband to go no. 2 in the wife's bathroom. Using her logic, it's his house too and he should be able to use any bathroom. He should sit forward and poop exactly as she does too. Leave her toilet bowl all streaky 🤮 I bet she sees the light in no time. On a different note, how narcissistic of her to only think of her comfort and not his. 🚩🚩🚩

macforme17 avatar
Lindy Mac
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very sad dilemma. This marriage is on shaky ground over a very stupid problem. Please do NOT have kids until she grows up . She is really unreasonable.

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, this is doomed. She is so entitled that she thinks nothing of s******g in his bathroom and not cleaning up after herself. Nothing good comes from being married to someone who takes the best for themselves and leaves you with c**p (literally in this case).

rosebroady8 avatar
Livingwithcfs
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well that relationship going to work out well, locking doors, his and her bathrooms, lack of clear communication, childish behavior. Yip all the signs of a relationship heading for the rocks Good grief they are both behaving like children

dodsonmichelle avatar
Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would totally start sh*tting in her toilet and not even bothering to flush. "Oh, that's gross? That bothers you? Tough sh*t (literally). You leave sh*t smears all over MY toilet to clean up - so what exactly is the problem?"

tlilly avatar
Gracie Mae
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the title, I was all ready to to say YATA, but after reading, SHE is! Wow...how utterly inconsiderate and gross. Please don't give in. There is absolutely NO REASON why she should be using your bathroom when HERS is right there! Plan ahead, I don't see this lasting if she keeps insisting...

houseofno avatar
Houseof No
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it were myself AND I were married to such a unhygenic SLOB, I would have gone one better and installed a facial recognition lock on that door so that only you could access it. There are Youtube videos describing how to create this. NTA and sorry to hear you married a DISGUSTING CHILD who can't or won't clean up after herself.

randibeeman avatar
Miranda Prince
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is definitely weird. Girl, you have your own bathroom. S**t in it!

annachristinaharding avatar
Anna Harding
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had bosses who did this. Mother and daughter, both! So gross.

nlynch1010 avatar
Nancy Lynch
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is there an actual difference between the two toilets? Height? Seat? OP's might be more comfortable. Personally, I would want to use the shower.

vishwajeetsatpute avatar
Vishy
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does anybody really care whether you lock your bathroom or your wife.

morachilis avatar
Mora Chilis
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet he is making up the poop on the toilet to make his story more "plausible". He just does not want her going in his bathroom because it stinks.

desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sound like some kind of phobia. What did she do before she met you. At some point she shared a bathroom, in her parents hone. University residency maybe as a roommate etc. Or even having her own apartment Unless there was someone who always cleaned after her toilet visits. Hell even Rich people flush their own c**p. Doesn't sound like you have kids cause your hands will be deep into c**p more than you can ccount.dude I suggest you get her to a Dr cause that reaction to her own poop is not the norm. There's more at play here and she's gonna have to check it out. It may be something beyond her control and she may need help.

bjenkins3988 avatar
brittany
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

fight fire with fire, sit far forward and leave stool streaks in her toilet, she wants to play stupid games she can win stupid prizes

squifflenoses avatar
Squiffle Noses
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of these stories are extremely one sided and we shouldn't always jump to, 'she's clearly a monster', or, 'Red Flag! Leave her immediately!' until we get the other side of the story. This sounds to me like someone getting revenge on someone for something they've asked them to stop doing, but been ignored on. On the other hand... maybe she is just a monster and he should leave her.

brianne_amos avatar
Brainmas
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole situation is weird af. I'd sit down and make her explain why, or just started pooping in her toilet.

johannazamora_1 avatar
Pyla
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is insanely stupid. Bored Panda, how can you repost such moronic drivel?

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you have bigger problems than a lock on the toilet door.

margarethinman avatar
Margaret Hinman
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well he's not accepting the role that women have had to play forever. Dealing with with cleaning up the disgusting s**t that males leave behind everywhere and always. Males are f*****g weak whiners.

lunashau avatar
Ash
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this woman has an Issue with a capital I that needs to be addressed. Panicking when you have to poop in your own bathroom is not normal. The couple really needs to talk about this.

scottrackley avatar
Scott Rackley
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

PUNISH. HER. TOILET. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhMIbO3S--E

orionred_1 avatar
Orion Red
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is missing info here I think. Maybe he has a bidet, maybe only his has a window or a vent fan, maybe she runs the shower.

barbara-delahunty avatar
PurpleUnicorn🇮🇪
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel this. My husband has his own en-suite bathroom, the rest of us mainly use the main bathroom (except for the shower which is in the en-suite). But for some reason he often comes out of one bathroom and into the other, drives me nuts!

russelllarsen avatar
Hokuloa
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fight feral with feral? If he pissed all over his toilet seat and started poo streaking her toilet bowl, things would change. No telling how though!

ipanda0031 avatar
Sir Panda
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nta, wtf this almost sounds made up. Who does that? That's disgusting. Just get divorced now. Before it gets Even deeper.

ldmonteith avatar
Key Lime
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should be cleaning the toilet after she poops. You should have asked her once to clean up after herself and it should have never been a problem again. She is gross to leave a mess.

erwacht2001 avatar
Randy Sanders
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My bathroom has a genuine Ferguson toilet. It was designed for a mans posterior, and has special seats as such. I am the only one that is allowed to use it, and there are plenty others to use in the house. So no, not unusual at all.

geraldchristopher avatar
Gerald Christopher
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell her to put a little tissue in the front where the poop usually lands. Do this before she poops. So when she does poop it will fall on the tissue, and when she flushes, it will all go right out. No streaks, no stuck poop no problem.

michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Listen, buddy. This isn't the only way this woman is going to s**t on you if you stay in this relationship.

beab_ avatar
Ample Aardvark
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have just one bathroom and a few times the toilet is not left as clean as it was found, but it's really a rare occurrence, if it's every time (and it's not a health issue) that just being disrespectful and disgusting. What else is she being disgusting about, licking cutlery instead of washing?

nitka711 avatar
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn‘t he just ask her to clean up after herself? He did not mention anything like that

lorih47 avatar
Lori w
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly just show her the poo. If she's a reasonable person, she'll be embarrassed but check next time Most women don't have this problem it goes in the bowl- we do however, rarely lift the toilet seat, so if we are causing splash back etc, we are unaware. I think you should be able to share bathrooms. This post is a good reason to live together before marriage or buying a house.

lissawattenbarger avatar
pug nose curly tail
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMGGG HOW DISGUSTING!! I work with a girl/imbecile that does this, and it is the grossest, rudest, inconsiderate act of nastiness. I couldn't believe someone would leave this for someone else to clean up. OP needs to run and never look back. Ugh! I can't imagine having to deal with this at home.

sophieadele1 avatar
Sillypants
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahahahaha who doesn't know how to use a toilet brush? Clean up your s**t! This is weird. Good luck with your marriage, children.

myronmog avatar
moggie63
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she leaves smears on your toilet simply go and s**t in her bath.

kaleidoscope-cove888 avatar
PeepPeep the duck
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, save yourself the hassle and just part ways while you can 😆 stupid situation featuring two ridiculous people. Imagine being so petty

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