Woman’s Boyfriend Keeps Pretending They’re Not Dating, She Finally Walks Out
There can be unfortunate situations where you’re not on the same level of seriousness with the person you’re dating. You may be envisioning a possible future with them, while they see you as a mere phase they will eventually get past.
This may very well be the case for this woman, who had been dating her boyfriend for nearly a year. He often downplayed their relationship with other people, even with women who got too cozy and flirty with him.
The woman had had enough one night and stormed off, only to be painted as a “dramatic” brat who couldn’t take a joke. Scroll down to see how this story unfolds.
It’s never a good feeling to have your partner downplay your relationship with others
Image credits: freepik / freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman experienced this treatment from her boyfriend multiple times, and it all came to a head one night
Image credits: mandriapix / freepik (not the actual photo)
She was understandably upset and stormed off, only to have the tables turned on her
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SadyLoko
The woman provided an update, revealing that the gaslighting only continued
Many men struggle with commitment issues, and they are often deep-rooted
Image credits: wayhomestudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
While the woman didn’t give specifics about her boyfriend, his constant dismissal of their relationship could be a sign of a fear of commitment.
According to clinical psychologist and researcher Dr. Diana Kirschner, these commitment issues are often deeply rooted in a man’s adolescence and childhood. He may then project them onto their partners to “recreate negative scenarios,” resulting in self-sabotaging behaviors.
In her article for Psychology Today, Dr. Kirschner mentioned several fears that lead to commitment problems, the fear of rejection being one of them. Here, the man may be worried about their partners losing interest and eventually leaving.
He may avoid honest conversations, as a result, which the boyfriend may have done by downplaying the relationship with different people.
There is also the fear of being controlled, which Dr. Kirschner described as a “common pattern.” As she explained, men tend to place more importance on their independence and freedom than women.
It may then cause them to think that their partners are “weights that hold them down” or “controlling objects that won’t let them go.”
“Talk of a future makes this guy quiet, nervous, upset, or angry. He may be reluctant to act like he’s in a couple when you are with friends or out in public,” Dr. Kirschner wrote.
Men are typically transparent about their desire (or lack thereof) to be in a serious relationship
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
In the story, the boyfriend’s actions are clear enough indicators of his desire to have a serious relationship. And based on his actions, it’s pretty evident that he may not see a long-term future with the woman.
According to relationship expert Lauren Frances, men will take a more serious approach in their conversations about the future if they are serious about the person they are dating.
“They will qualify you right away because they don’t want to waste their time. They’ll say, ‘I really want to have a great relationship,’” Frances explained in an interview with Glamour, adding that men who are only in it for the physical intimacy will be more complimentary about the woman’s looks than anything else.
The author may be better off ending the relationship while it hasn’t deepened. Her boyfriend had been dismissive of her status multiple times, and it is unlikely to change anytime soon.
Most people sided with the woman and criticized the man’s lack of respect
A few called her out for being insecure
While one person pointed to possible compatibility issues
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Share on Facebook"... if you want to keep a man". You might consider it when you actually find a man. This one isn't a man. He's a little boy who hasn't apologised, and got his friend to text you that "he gets it now". Good for him. But he hasn't got you. There are real men out there, and you're single. 🙂
The age gap is simply too large. A 21 year old woman should not be dating a boy who is barely into his teens. Yes, I know he pretends to be a man of 27, but that is so clearly not the case. Let the little boy play his games, without her.
He always claimed she wasn't his girlfriend. It would be rude of her to contradict him...
Exactly. Go along with it. "We found out we were long-lost siblings after I got pregnant and he accused me of cheating on him. Turns out we're twins!" Big smile.
Load More Replies...I would laugh and say something like well last time we had s*x he didn't see too brotherly to me... and just walk away .. but maybe there are people that wouldn't feel comfortable to say that but I definitely would...
YTA a******s again ffs SHE IS. NOT THE PROBLEM !!! HE VERY MUCH IS !! from a old woman (not allowed to say my age I get snarky comments off people for saying so ,their problem mind not mine ) any how’s , I’ve been married to men like this one , !! n I learnt the hard way not to tolerate this kinda c**p anymore , your only my sons age , n way to young to be messed around like this ,you did the right thing 100% I’ve always found older men to be this kinda mentality, ( the ex husbands were a lot older than me ) they ain’t bloody joking they are being controlling gaslighting ah.s you deserve so much better lovely , as a few said on main posts a decent man is one that doesn’t use you as a joke , or sleep around with u as the just in case bit , which this one is , he even at 28 hasn’t grown up yet at all , ,always trust your gut and please DONT LISTEN TO THAT MOTHER OR YOURS ! She might be desperate to keep a man , but you are far better than that , blessed be x
Once is a joke, the rest of the time is just demeaning. People want to keep a man, not a manchild.
The correct answer is to get extremely and uncomfortably flirty with the boyfriend. Extreme public displays of affection. "You're the best brother ever, I can't wait to have your baby." Make him so d**n embarrassed and uncomfortable he won't be pulling that c**p again. Then you dump him the next day.
OP it sounds like your bf and the waitress hooked up after you left, and that you have cr@ppy people in your life supporting this bs. ytas are so gaslighty I'm cringing for them
I've said it before, but a joke which the object of the joke doesn't find funny is not a joke, it is bullying. This guy is not worth having. There are men who respect their partner and are proud to introduce them to their family and friends. Just as there are women who do the same. At least in a mature relationship.
I've dated women who were much younger than me and I'd like to think it wasn't because I was a controlling, dominating idiot. I really wasn't, they pursued me and I could've said not but I've dated much more women my age. Having said that, there a reason why guys like this one date much younger women. And you may think it's only six years but 21 is much different than 27.
I was thinking the same. He is almost 30 and she just got the privilege to order a boozey drink.
Load More Replies...The boyfriend is 100% cheating. OP should drop him like a sack of onions.
Straight men are a whole breed I certainly don't understand. They're all machismo until thier feelings get hurt (not all of course but most lol)
The yta must be his flying monkeys. And remember, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Tell mom this almost 70 year old internet stranger tild you so. We had that saying back in the seventies.
her saying 'he can't tell when someone's hitting on him' is more proof he's gaslighting her. He's using you for his physical needs & you're letting him lead you onto thinking you're actually in a committed relationship. His actions & literally words are saying the opposite. Stop debating ending the relationship, there's no relationship to speak of. Move on love, he's not interested in being with you only. Plus she's 21, just date more & get to know what type of relationship/partner YOU want, not what you're willing to put up with. Your mom's trippin btw...good luck! :)
I guess some people's idea of a joke is disrespecting others in public. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone, not just one person who doesn't know what a joke really is.
A little late to the comments but she should introduce him as her newly out of prison child molester brother.
"Oh, I'm your sister? Well, I guess I won't be s*king your c*k tonight."
Sounds like ex-BF was keeping OP around as a sure thing + s*x as needed.
Surprise surprise, a guy swiftly approaching 30 has a "finally legal" trophy girlfriend to show off to his friends but isn't wealthy enough to call her his sugarbaby. So, what does he do? He semi-publicly labels her his "sister" whenever he sees a girl he wants to hit on. He'll be doing the same thing for the rest of his life as long as he keeps scoring young women to treat poorly.
When a guy introduces you as a friend of a friend or tells the waitress he’s flirting with that you are his sister, it means he’s looking for a girlfriend and you aren’t it. Op is right to get rid of this loser.
"... if you want to keep a man". You might consider it when you actually find a man. This one isn't a man. He's a little boy who hasn't apologised, and got his friend to text you that "he gets it now". Good for him. But he hasn't got you. There are real men out there, and you're single. 🙂
The age gap is simply too large. A 21 year old woman should not be dating a boy who is barely into his teens. Yes, I know he pretends to be a man of 27, but that is so clearly not the case. Let the little boy play his games, without her.
He always claimed she wasn't his girlfriend. It would be rude of her to contradict him...
Exactly. Go along with it. "We found out we were long-lost siblings after I got pregnant and he accused me of cheating on him. Turns out we're twins!" Big smile.
Load More Replies...I would laugh and say something like well last time we had s*x he didn't see too brotherly to me... and just walk away .. but maybe there are people that wouldn't feel comfortable to say that but I definitely would...
YTA a******s again ffs SHE IS. NOT THE PROBLEM !!! HE VERY MUCH IS !! from a old woman (not allowed to say my age I get snarky comments off people for saying so ,their problem mind not mine ) any how’s , I’ve been married to men like this one , !! n I learnt the hard way not to tolerate this kinda c**p anymore , your only my sons age , n way to young to be messed around like this ,you did the right thing 100% I’ve always found older men to be this kinda mentality, ( the ex husbands were a lot older than me ) they ain’t bloody joking they are being controlling gaslighting ah.s you deserve so much better lovely , as a few said on main posts a decent man is one that doesn’t use you as a joke , or sleep around with u as the just in case bit , which this one is , he even at 28 hasn’t grown up yet at all , ,always trust your gut and please DONT LISTEN TO THAT MOTHER OR YOURS ! She might be desperate to keep a man , but you are far better than that , blessed be x
Once is a joke, the rest of the time is just demeaning. People want to keep a man, not a manchild.
The correct answer is to get extremely and uncomfortably flirty with the boyfriend. Extreme public displays of affection. "You're the best brother ever, I can't wait to have your baby." Make him so d**n embarrassed and uncomfortable he won't be pulling that c**p again. Then you dump him the next day.
OP it sounds like your bf and the waitress hooked up after you left, and that you have cr@ppy people in your life supporting this bs. ytas are so gaslighty I'm cringing for them
I've said it before, but a joke which the object of the joke doesn't find funny is not a joke, it is bullying. This guy is not worth having. There are men who respect their partner and are proud to introduce them to their family and friends. Just as there are women who do the same. At least in a mature relationship.
I've dated women who were much younger than me and I'd like to think it wasn't because I was a controlling, dominating idiot. I really wasn't, they pursued me and I could've said not but I've dated much more women my age. Having said that, there a reason why guys like this one date much younger women. And you may think it's only six years but 21 is much different than 27.
I was thinking the same. He is almost 30 and she just got the privilege to order a boozey drink.
Load More Replies...The boyfriend is 100% cheating. OP should drop him like a sack of onions.
Straight men are a whole breed I certainly don't understand. They're all machismo until thier feelings get hurt (not all of course but most lol)
The yta must be his flying monkeys. And remember, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Tell mom this almost 70 year old internet stranger tild you so. We had that saying back in the seventies.
her saying 'he can't tell when someone's hitting on him' is more proof he's gaslighting her. He's using you for his physical needs & you're letting him lead you onto thinking you're actually in a committed relationship. His actions & literally words are saying the opposite. Stop debating ending the relationship, there's no relationship to speak of. Move on love, he's not interested in being with you only. Plus she's 21, just date more & get to know what type of relationship/partner YOU want, not what you're willing to put up with. Your mom's trippin btw...good luck! :)
I guess some people's idea of a joke is disrespecting others in public. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone, not just one person who doesn't know what a joke really is.
A little late to the comments but she should introduce him as her newly out of prison child molester brother.
"Oh, I'm your sister? Well, I guess I won't be s*king your c*k tonight."
Sounds like ex-BF was keeping OP around as a sure thing + s*x as needed.
Surprise surprise, a guy swiftly approaching 30 has a "finally legal" trophy girlfriend to show off to his friends but isn't wealthy enough to call her his sugarbaby. So, what does he do? He semi-publicly labels her his "sister" whenever he sees a girl he wants to hit on. He'll be doing the same thing for the rest of his life as long as he keeps scoring young women to treat poorly.
When a guy introduces you as a friend of a friend or tells the waitress he’s flirting with that you are his sister, it means he’s looking for a girlfriend and you aren’t it. Op is right to get rid of this loser.

















































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