“AITA For Suggesting We Lock Up The Christmas Presents After What My Niece Did Last Year?”
Having a Christmas present spoiled is a downright horrible experience. It’s even worse when the surprise is ruined for a child. Of course, most kids have questionable impulse control, so there are many who no doubt spoiled their own gifts well in advance.
A person wondered if they were in the wrong for requesting that the gifs get locked up for Christmas after an incident last year. OP’s brother’s child went and opened everything up while the family was asleep, so it seemed like a good way to make sure history wouldn’t repeat itself. That is until the brother and his wife started to protest.
Christmas is a lovely time of the year if you like surprises
Image credits: Chris Vanhove / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But one family Christmas ended up disrupted when a kid decided to open all the gifts early
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jazzlike-Town7686
Giving gifts at the end of the year is an older tradition than Christmas itself
Image credits: monkeybusiness / envato (not the actual photo)
As with Christmas itself, the origins of gift-giving at this time of year are from the Ancient Roman celebration of Saturnalia. For those who are unfamiliar, Christmas is just one of the older holidays that was “Christianized” to make it more acceptable than its pagan predecessors. Saturnalia was the celebration of the winter solstice, so it was simply “replaced” with the birth of Christ.
While many aspects of the holiday changed, people did retain the tradition of giving gifts that have survived into the modern day. Indeed, the gifts are such a massive part of Christmas, alongside red and gold decorations and Santa, that some complain that its “real meaning” is lost. However, its “real meaning” was already changed when Saturnalia was replaced, so the point seems moot.
Depending on what branch of Christianity one follows, the exact gift-giving day during the holiday season will vary. In some cases, one might hand over presents during early Advent, in others, you would get gifts on Saint Nicholas Day, on December 5th or 6th. So if “Molly’s” gift-opening was premature, then opening the presents nearly three weeks early might seem extreme.
The holidays are an important time for many companies’ sales
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
These days, the propagation of gift-giving in media and culture does create a decent amount of pressure on parents in particular. Toy companies in particular see it as a very important time of year. In the 70s, the six weeks before Christmas would constitute up to 80% of a company’s total yearly sales.
Just twenty years ago, US shoppers would spend around $4 billion every single day during the Christmas season. After all, you are generally not going to attend a family Christmas with presents for just a select few. Indeed, this massive amount of spending is probably why many families choose to do something along the lines of a Secret Santa. This way, there is still an element of surprise, but you only have to get a handful of gifts at most.
Despite all the hullabaloo around it, research suggests that the recipients tend to be the least engaged when it comes to their gifts. One study found that 15% reported secretly not liking their gift, 25% considered regifting it and an additional 10% didn’t even remember what they got. It seems that the magic of Christmas is somewhat wasted on adults.
The excitement and surprise of getting a gift isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
Image credits: Anna_Om / envato (not the actual photo)
Interestingly, the gifts that are the least appreciated tend to be ones that rely on personal taste. This covers everything from fashion to media. So if you are concerned about a “generic” gift, chances are that it’s actually the safer option. The excitement and anticipation are also a double-edged sword. One study suggests that poorly wrapped gifts tend to be more appreciated, as their contents seem less disappointing.
So a true cynic could argue that “Molly” simply helped prevent the other kids from feeling disappointed. That being said, she also apparently damaged a gift, which doesn’t really have any excuse. OP is right to insist on better “gift security” even if Molly isn’t going to do it again. After all, kids do have terrible impulse control and, now that it’s happened once, it’s easy to see how another kid might get the same idea.
It’s also understandable that Molly’s parents are somewhat unhappy. However, it’s a blessing in disguise, because it prevents the situation from happening again. If Molly repeats her actions, that’s on them. And if another kid does the same thing this year, the parents will no doubt claim the act was “inspired” by last year.
Some readers needed a few more details
Many thought OP was right to try and avoid the same situation twice
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NTA! when I was 6 I ate all the icing from my cousin's birthday cake. Every year since all birthday cakes are locked up until the big reveal. It's a running joke in the family now and I join in with everyone else. We all have children of our own now and they too join in on the "hiding the delicious cake" Kids do stupid things sometimes but it sounds like it was handled correctly. Don't give her the same opportunity again and hopefully it'll be a new tradition that the prezzies are locked away with no one blamed and no presents damaged
They could even make a game of it then! When the kids are asleep, the adults could sneak in quietly, leave a note, and hide the gifts. It'd be a scavenger hunt! And each clue could have a present attached to it too. Man, they really missed an opportunity.
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NTA. Mindy knew better than to open any of the presents, not to mention break them. If her parents see locking up the living room as singling out their daughter, guess what? SHE was the one who opened the gifts, and SHE was the one who broke them, and no one else. So yeah, Mindy singled herself out. It would be a good idea to keep the gifts in the same room as the parents, if that's possible. Mindy, or anyone else, would not be as tempted to jump the gun.
Those parents are ruining their child by not enforcing consequences. Accountability makes functional adults. I honestly would’ve requested that someone take that child back home that very day. Not acceptable. The natural consequence of such an action is you no longer participate in the fun things that day and next Christmas you sit and watch everyone else open their presents. Might sound mean, but she needs to see what she made the other kids feel like. Maybe she can have a present the next day, but she needs to know how that feels. And a 6 yr old is smart. It’s a really bad sign that she’s already showing such manipulative behavior trying to make excuses for herself.
NTA! Your brother and SIL are, though. If someone steals, are you going to leave your wallet lying around? If someone eats the dessert you had planned to serve, wouldn't you hide it in the future? Sorry, but Mindy's past behavior is going to determine how she's treated in the future. Six is old enough to know better! The fact that she even BROKE the other children's toys shows that she has issues that her parents need to address. Her actions were also not a mistake! A 3 year old knows that is wrong.The easiest solution is to lock the door. I'm sorry if Mindy's feelings are hurt. It's called LEARNING A LESSON!!!
I would have felt different if she simply opened the presents to look. As in, unwrapping the paper, but that's not what she did. She not even just opened the boxes to play with the toys, which I could also see as a mistake. She broke the toys that weren't hers. That's malicious. She knew perfectly well that you don't break toys. That's proven by the fact that she didn't break any of her own toys. But she broke several of the others, especially the one, big gift for another kid so he had nothing to play with while everyone else unpacked theirs. And she wasn't given any reasonable consequence. Just a light slap on the wrist as punishment, but got to keep all her own gifts. That's not teaching her that her behaviour was wrong. Ideally, they should have given her gifts to the kid whose gifts were destroyed. That way, she would have understood that if you destroy something, you have to replace it. Break other people's gifts, you'll lose yours. That's fair and a relatable consequence.
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Just lock the door to the room. Make it a new Christmas tradition that the door doesn't get unlocked until everyone is ready. Many years ago, my brother and I came down the stairs at 3am and woke everyone up way too early. Later we got a letter from "Santa" telling us we got up too early and had to wait until 6am every year after. It worked.
And that’s the point, right? You and your brothers got up at 3 AM, but you didn’t rush downstairs and rip open all the presents, did you? No. You woke everyone else in the house up. That’s what kids DO. I don’t recall my parents ever having to tell me to not touch the gifts until they were up. Maybe they did tell me and I just can’t remember, but the point is I didn’t touch those gifts because I knew better. Sure I was a child, but I wasn’t stupid. My daughter never touched the gifts before waking me up either, and I don’t know any other kids who couldn’t figure out that the gifts don’t get opened until everyone is up,
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There's something VERY wrong with a child who not only opens other people's gifts but breaks them before the giftee even gets to see them. That's just NOT normal behavior for a 6 year old. All the toddlers in my family know/knew better than to open things before the whole family is assembled - even as 2 year olds! I would have been furious. The kid needs to see a therapist or get tested for some sort of mental disorder. And I'd certainly never trust her again.
How much you want to bet they won't do anything, though? 'Cause the type of parents/family to get mad at OTHERS for what their kid did and how dare you bring it up (what they think) never do.
Load More Replies... 6 year olds know right from wrong. That's why they don't throw a cup on the floor deliberately to break, go up to someone and shove them in the face until their head hits the wall or run into the streets to an oncoming car. A child with no discipline will see nothing wrong in hurting others property because she wasnt told how to exist respectfully along others. Nothing wrong with her brain or development but everything wrong with the parenting she's getting. NTA. Lock the door every year until she's old enough to show some level of insight.
NTA. Mindy is a little s**t and it sounds like she doesn't get punished enough. I never would have done that at her age because I knew if I did I'd be in major trouble. If my kid did that, they'd never even get their presents that year. The fact that Mindy still got her presents, after breaking someone else's makes me sick.
I'm completely opposed to punishment. But there have to be reasonable consequences. You can't just ignore bad behaviour. Consequences can look like punishment. But the difference is that a consequence is directly related to the misdeed, ideally it will help mitigate the impact it has on others. For example, giving away the kids gifts as direct replacement of the ones that were destroyed or given back to the store to use the money to pay for the broken toys. The important thing is to make sure that the consequences directly fall on the person causing the issue. So in this case, the gifts have to be replaced, but the consequence, as in, paying back for them, was shouldered by the parents, while the kid didn't have any lasting consequences, she got to keep her own gifts, she only got the inadequate and forgettable punishment of not being able to unpack her gifts a second time. That was meaningless since she had already clearly showed she didn't care to share that moment with family.
Load More Replies... I'd say NTA. OP made it sound like no real discipline was implemented except Mindy not being able to open gifts (maybe only because she already opened them anyway) and it's hard to know if she understands that what she did is wrong. My niece stole something of ours last year (we know because I asked my mom to try to find it in her room and she found it the next morning) and NEVER was forced to apologize, never had anything taken away, nothing. Just a stern talking to.....by me. Now we're getting ready to pack up and move and they want to bring her over to help......not happening. No thanks. Don't need anything taken or stolen during a chaotic time like moving when no one is going to watch her.
I don't blame you at all!! I had a teenage cousin (actually she was the child of my cousin by marriage, so not super closely related) babysit for me decades ago, and because I worked until 2am, I decided to have her spend the night. Well, I had left my tips on the kitchen table in my tip pouch, and didn't give it a second thought. The next morning, I took my cousin home, and when I got back, I was going to head to the bank to make my deposit. Well, low and behold ALL of the large bills except two, were GONE!! I was SOOO upset, yet I had no actual "proof" that she did it, but I knew in my gut that she had. On top of that, I had already paid her $50 for babysitting so late for me, and that was a lot back in the 90's. Needless to say, I never allowed her in my home again!! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice.... 🫤
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My youngest grandchild is 3 years old. It would never occur to her to open up even her own gifts before permission. Yesterday (Christmas) she was so overwhelmed by the pile of presents that, looking sad, she said she didn't know what to open first! So mom sat with her and handed her each present to open. Any 6 year old that pulled that stunt in my home would not be invited for the overnight again. They could come in the morning after breakfast and open her gifts with the rest of the children then, and not before.
Years ago, my father's boss at the time offered us the use of a vacation cottage owned by her family. The cottage was big enough to accommodate at least two other families, and my father's boss said she didn't mind (her family wouldn't be at the cabin with us), so we invited two other families to come along. One family had a son, an adopted child, who was younger than me but older than my brother and the other boys who came on the trip (I was the only girl). The adopted boy managed to convince my brother, and the younger brother of the other family, to deface/destroy toys left at the cabin, the property of my father's boss' family. The mother of the adopted boy just shrugged and said, "Boys will be boys, the family who owns this place can replace the toys." My mother, and the other mother, were both appalled by her attitude, and willingly replaced what was ruined--they tried to at least get Adoptive Mom to help with the costs, and she flatly refused.
We were never invited back to the cabin (imagine that), and our relationship with Adoptive Family noticeably cooled after the trip--in addition to the property destruction, Adoptive Son's behavior on the trip was so outrageous that even Adoptive Father had to basically rub his wife's face in it in an attempt to get her to understand that her precious baby boy wasn't the innocent angel she was convinced he was. And he was at least 11-12 yo at the time, so definitely old enough to know better.
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My three year old knows better. And can express her "reasons" behind her actions there was a race up the stairs christmas eve as she took one out of where they were not very well hidden apparently walks down stairs opening I get up like dude no and she takes off with 3 year old demon speed up the stairs to open while she is running and put back. I got her before she opened it but she does it ever year. They are hidden because she opens them all like she is hilarious about it articulate and knows she is cute and uses it all to her advantage. But we are realistic and hide the presents. And need a better place to hide them
NTA. Rules and precautions exist because someone did something to make them necessary. This is no different.
NTA, I thought maybe she was autistic or something.. but if she has no MHI, then 6 years old is def old enough to know better & not care! Also, how did she "accidently" break them? Maybe she was acting out because of all the changes with her Mom and your brother? Regardless, NTA for taking precautions. If your brother and SIL refuse, then keep your gifts locked in the car until the morning... At least that way your gifts are covered.. tell them its UR new Christmas tradition. LOL
I have a hard time understanding why people think being autistic is a reason to have issues like this. This isn't social issues, it's behavioral or learning disability (which yes, can happen together, but isn't because they're autistic) or the kid's just a jerk. Kids are often just jerks without having some sort of disability or anything
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A 6 year old opening their own presents early okay.. but opening everyone else's? And then to break toys that weren't hers? Toys are not meant to be broken especially for kids that young.. if their were multiple toys broken she had to have intentionally did that to some degree.. a lot of people commented spoiled.. but this sounds a lot more like sociopathic tendencies to me.. and the fact that she just apologized and made up excuses for why indicates it more.. a six year old knows what they did was wrong.. she should have been mortified and embarrassed and most likely extremely withdrawn out of guilt and shame... the fact that she kept making excuses means she was trying to say what she thought she should.... It sounds harsh but I would consider having a quiet talk with my brother and ask if other things were going on at home.. and watch her specifically in how she interacts with the other kids.. because in a child that old those are warning signs that something isn't right.
I don‘t know what‘s up with that kid, but something is off. That is not normal 6yo behavior! Opening her own presents early - ok. Opening other presents, because she is curiouse - okish… at least I can kinda understand. Destroying those things? - NO! Maybe she was overwhelmed or she does have issues…. Either way, I hope her parents got to the bottom of it. I am not sure what I would have done in that situation. She did deserve a punishment. Maybe withold her presents for a time? I don‘t know. I would give her a second chance….. but maybe stand guard or something? Or not mention the locked doors to the brother snd SIL?
One Christmas growing up my brother talked me into open gifts like week before Christmas. I opened 1 he opened all of his. My parents figured it out. Those presents were removed from under the tree. We were told we would not be getting those gifts. My brother had nothing under the tree. Christmas morning the gifts were back. My brother never opened a gift early again. OP you're nta. I think locking up the gifts until the adults get up is a good idea. The little girl didn't receive enough of a punishment in my opinion to stop her from doing it again. If she does take away all her gifts so that she receives nothing. And I mean nothing. Even tho she was 6 when she did this I know 4 yr Olds that know better.
NTA! NTA! NTA! I wonder how they'd feel if MINDY'S presents had been opened and broken. She was 6, which is definitely old enough to know better! Even if SHE didn't repeat her poor behavior, one of the other kids might. After all, Mindy still got her gifts, so why bother waiting? I grew up with a little sister who had a very low IQ after a high fever, but she never pulled anything like this. Mindy acted like a baby, so you have to take the same precautions that you would for a baby. These are called CONSEQUENCES, and her parents better get used to it. With their dismissive attitude, it sounds like Mindy may be continuing actions like this!!!
NTA! My parents had put the tree and presents in a playpen when I was growing up, it made sense and taught us to keep our hands ourselves; so locking the living room door seems reasonable.
Uh, opening the presents is wrong enough, but breaking them??? I would not leave the presents out even if brother is upset.
Omg, what?! Their kid opens almost all the presents the previous year, including those that didn’t belong to her & even broke some; yet gets no real disciplinary action for it!! Now, you’re REASONABLY suggesting locking the door to the room with the presents; which does NOT lock them in their room & it does NOT keep them from using the bathroom (where they can use the toilet AND get a drink of water, as cold tap-water from the bathroom sink is perfectly safe to drink) … yet, this girl’s parents have a problem with this?? Clearly, they’re the type of parents who would probably swear up & down “Oh, she’s a good girl, she didn’t mean it”, even if she went into shops & started throwing merchandise around. However; as long as it’s your house, they have to follow your rules. If the living-room stays locked until EVERYONE is ready for Christmas Morning, then they (& their destructive daughter) have to wait like everyone else. Period. If they don’t like it, tough Christmas cookies. 🙅♀️🎁🎄😏
What do they think will happen if she does it a second time? It'd likely be permanent ban from family Christmas celebrations. Much better to take precautions now.
They're lucky to be invited at all. Bro and Sally better bring the checkbook...just in case
NTA. Common sense. Mindy and her parents need some professional help to address whatever led to her antisocial behavior. She seems to need help understanding and coping with big feelings. Having Christmas spoiled was sad. Seeing Mindy's parents either not recognize or not face the reality that this little girl is troubled breaks my heart.
What's the big deal about locking the room ? Or keep the presents in your respective bedrooms until Christmas morning, the bring them down and hand them out. Their obnoxious kid created the situation in the first place.
Meh. Just do what my parents did - lock em in vehicles/trunks. Problem solved. If there's a garage or a basement, lock em up in there. In the wee hours, put em under the tree or hide em in areas of the house (like a present hunt). Money was tight while I was growing up, still we kids each had at least 1 present for Christmas....and with me being the sneaky one, my parents had to come up with ways of hiding em....
I think they did hide them, the little girl woke up early Christmas morning and opened them. It's definitely not the parents fault
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The fact people can't resist reward in such a profound way speaks a lot to the way the world is.
NTA. Definitely lock the door. If she wasn't disciplined for bad behaviour then she will do it again. She has also set a poor example to the other children. My brother hid in a cupboard aged 3 years and cut one of my Xmas gifts in half. He knew at 3 that he was being naughty. Mindy was 6 and could read the labels, she knew right from wrong and deliberately destroyed other kids gifts. Totally unacceptable.
I had to scroll back to check, but, I wasn't wrong, this is at the grandparent's house, and I'm pretty sure they are allowed to lock their living room door, without having to ask anyone's permission. It's a shame it was brought up in the messaging, a quiet word to see what the hosts think, they agreed, so they just lock the door as they go to bed. No one even needed to know. I first thought this was another story I'd seen about a toddler ripping all the presents open. I was totally surprised to find it was a 6 year old, claiming she just wanted to see what everyone else got. To see it it was better than hers is what I got from that. As for breaking the toys, she should have been properly punished for that. Emphasis on 'properly'. Not locked up with a bowl of gruel, but had something of pleasure removed for, maybe, points, until she has 'paid' for what she destroyed. I'm sure a couple of weeks will feel like forever to her and she will have actually learnt her lesson.
Perhaps it should have been brought up the the host privately to save some pf the drama (I don't blame OP one bit, tho). But yeah.. Look, you have someone who has poor impulse control. And it's a kid. If I was the kid myself I'd still say lock them up. Some people struggle with it and gosh I wish her parents were doing more to help her with it, instead of getting mad. You know what my parents did? Told me I could open one small one each bday and Christmas (which are the same month but 13 days apart so I got presents on both days) but the rest is for when they wake up. Given the one I lived with most was more disabled than the other it was a smart and great compromise. I was happy and quiet. Not that I would have opened someone else's gifts but I have made similar mistakes as a kid. Which thankfully she gently (most of the time) taught me otherwise. The ones who made a big deal over my social mistakes when I was 4-8 I don't talk to now bc they continued the constant criticism for --
-- everything throughout the years. They're also the ones who denied my health issues as well as extra needs as a kid and onwards. So.. yeah, that tracks. Two bad extremes here. Not enough for her. Too much (and then enough for one to sometimes two parent/s) for me. Once again the kid's parents and/or family (Not OP and stuff) are setting her up for failure. Teach her! Don't get mad when other people point out a no harm solution! Edit: Two, not too.
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Maybe instead of putting the gifts under the tree before you go to bed, get up early and then stay up. Make breakfast. Keep in mind that there are different levels on the spectrum and ADHD impacts kids differently. Especially if it's untreated. Or if it is accompanied by trauma. My first thought when reading your story is what happened in her formative years that triggered her to lose control and do what she knew she shouldn't? I mean did she have time with her dad where her step siblings got stuff and she didn't? Was mom too poor to buy gifts? Is it possible that her world before your family was that awful and she just wanted to see how it felt to open such awesome presents? The behavior screams of trauma that made her feel unworthy. No, I don't think you are the a hole, however, I think there are better ways to handle it.
Weird that a kid can have time to open presents and damage them without anyone hearing.
NTA Mindy knew better and her "parents" need to grow up and start discipline this spoiled entitled child. She was 6 years old and perfectly capable of reading and understanding the repeated verbal instructions. NOT a "mistake " on her part. Her unacceptable behavior would, indeed, influence the other children if there was no "consequence " for her actions. Monkey see, monkey do. Do not let these irresponsible adults shame you into anything.
I think Mindy was very angry about her new daddy and family situation. I hope they got her some help. Regardless, the presents need to be locked up and Mindy tightly supervised. Too bad if that makes her parents upset.
nta, if there's no preventative measures, i'd be explaining to the kids that Santa (if they believe in Santa or if they dont just say you arent bringing all the gifts to the grandparents house this year) is bringing most of the gifts to yall's house to open at home and only one or two to the grandparents house. those should be closer to stocking stuffers or other trinkets so if they get opened and broken, it wont be as devastating as waking up to find a big present broken.
Hmmm. I totally get struggling to trust Mindy not to do it again. I had a young neice steal from my kid a couple times, and my own too-firm ADHD-driven sense of "justice" left me struggling and dwelling over it for a lot longer than a whole grown adult normally would. I built contingency plans and hid away things I knew would pique her interest. What I DIDN'T do, was bring it up before every visit. After we figured out it was her causing stuff to go missing and told her parents, they sat her down and talked with her; she was made to return the items, which is hard, scary, and embarassing. To re-hash bad choices by "publicly" setting up preventative measures is a step too far. Kids grow a lot in a year, and I think Mindy and her parents (who did everything right regarding Mindy's past transgression) deserve some grace. Unless she's gone and opened other peoples birthday gifts and such since then, I think the event needs to be set to the side.
Absolutely no need to tell any of the kids at all, just do it. Then if they all behave (and I do mean all, there's a slight possibility of cousin revenge) then no one will even know it was locked
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Mindy is very fortunate that she didn't do that crazy BS to me because she would've had to go home with that behavior. No one wants to deal with a jerk, and Mindy is a jerk with jerk parents. Lock up the toys and be done with it.
A long time ago, we were having Christmas at my SIL's. My MIL was staying with her, and while we were having pre-dinner drinks, my daughter and her female cousin, both almost 4 at the time, sneaked into my MIL's room and unpacked à lot of small gifts that were on her bed. We all thought they were playing with their older cousins upstairs. They were told off, but not too hard, and the mess was quickly sorted out. They made up for it 16 years later, by planning, venue, decorating, shopping, cooking and all, à Christmas Eve meal for the whole family (21 of us). We only had to provide the money ;-))
Seems like the parents of Mindy might just be feeling a little defensive because she's the step cousin? Not that the OP or anyone in the family treats her that way but it could explain why they're taking it personally.
Or maybe they’re acting defensive because they are being reminded of their poor parenting?
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The best solution is to stop this silly tradition of getting up early the day after Christmas to open gifts 😝 In Norway, we eat dinner on Christmas Eve. Then we prepare cakes and coffee or put dessert on the coffee table, and open gifts before bedtime. On the rare occation when some kids have so many gifts that they could not open all before bedtime, some might be opened some time after breakfast the next day.
Dude it's bored panda. If you thought it was some some monolith of journalistic excellence and integrity, well that's on you
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NTA! when I was 6 I ate all the icing from my cousin's birthday cake. Every year since all birthday cakes are locked up until the big reveal. It's a running joke in the family now and I join in with everyone else. We all have children of our own now and they too join in on the "hiding the delicious cake" Kids do stupid things sometimes but it sounds like it was handled correctly. Don't give her the same opportunity again and hopefully it'll be a new tradition that the prezzies are locked away with no one blamed and no presents damaged
They could even make a game of it then! When the kids are asleep, the adults could sneak in quietly, leave a note, and hide the gifts. It'd be a scavenger hunt! And each clue could have a present attached to it too. Man, they really missed an opportunity.
Load More Replies... NTA. Mindy knew better than to open any of the presents, not to mention break them. If her parents see locking up the living room as singling out their daughter, guess what? SHE was the one who opened the gifts, and SHE was the one who broke them, and no one else. So yeah, Mindy singled herself out. It would be a good idea to keep the gifts in the same room as the parents, if that's possible. Mindy, or anyone else, would not be as tempted to jump the gun.
Those parents are ruining their child by not enforcing consequences. Accountability makes functional adults. I honestly would’ve requested that someone take that child back home that very day. Not acceptable. The natural consequence of such an action is you no longer participate in the fun things that day and next Christmas you sit and watch everyone else open their presents. Might sound mean, but she needs to see what she made the other kids feel like. Maybe she can have a present the next day, but she needs to know how that feels. And a 6 yr old is smart. It’s a really bad sign that she’s already showing such manipulative behavior trying to make excuses for herself.
NTA! Your brother and SIL are, though. If someone steals, are you going to leave your wallet lying around? If someone eats the dessert you had planned to serve, wouldn't you hide it in the future? Sorry, but Mindy's past behavior is going to determine how she's treated in the future. Six is old enough to know better! The fact that she even BROKE the other children's toys shows that she has issues that her parents need to address. Her actions were also not a mistake! A 3 year old knows that is wrong.The easiest solution is to lock the door. I'm sorry if Mindy's feelings are hurt. It's called LEARNING A LESSON!!!
I would have felt different if she simply opened the presents to look. As in, unwrapping the paper, but that's not what she did. She not even just opened the boxes to play with the toys, which I could also see as a mistake. She broke the toys that weren't hers. That's malicious. She knew perfectly well that you don't break toys. That's proven by the fact that she didn't break any of her own toys. But she broke several of the others, especially the one, big gift for another kid so he had nothing to play with while everyone else unpacked theirs. And she wasn't given any reasonable consequence. Just a light slap on the wrist as punishment, but got to keep all her own gifts. That's not teaching her that her behaviour was wrong. Ideally, they should have given her gifts to the kid whose gifts were destroyed. That way, she would have understood that if you destroy something, you have to replace it. Break other people's gifts, you'll lose yours. That's fair and a relatable consequence.
Load More Replies... Just lock the door to the room. Make it a new Christmas tradition that the door doesn't get unlocked until everyone is ready. Many years ago, my brother and I came down the stairs at 3am and woke everyone up way too early. Later we got a letter from "Santa" telling us we got up too early and had to wait until 6am every year after. It worked.
And that’s the point, right? You and your brothers got up at 3 AM, but you didn’t rush downstairs and rip open all the presents, did you? No. You woke everyone else in the house up. That’s what kids DO. I don’t recall my parents ever having to tell me to not touch the gifts until they were up. Maybe they did tell me and I just can’t remember, but the point is I didn’t touch those gifts because I knew better. Sure I was a child, but I wasn’t stupid. My daughter never touched the gifts before waking me up either, and I don’t know any other kids who couldn’t figure out that the gifts don’t get opened until everyone is up,
Load More Replies... There's something VERY wrong with a child who not only opens other people's gifts but breaks them before the giftee even gets to see them. That's just NOT normal behavior for a 6 year old. All the toddlers in my family know/knew better than to open things before the whole family is assembled - even as 2 year olds! I would have been furious. The kid needs to see a therapist or get tested for some sort of mental disorder. And I'd certainly never trust her again.
How much you want to bet they won't do anything, though? 'Cause the type of parents/family to get mad at OTHERS for what their kid did and how dare you bring it up (what they think) never do.
Load More Replies... 6 year olds know right from wrong. That's why they don't throw a cup on the floor deliberately to break, go up to someone and shove them in the face until their head hits the wall or run into the streets to an oncoming car. A child with no discipline will see nothing wrong in hurting others property because she wasnt told how to exist respectfully along others. Nothing wrong with her brain or development but everything wrong with the parenting she's getting. NTA. Lock the door every year until she's old enough to show some level of insight.
NTA. Mindy is a little s**t and it sounds like she doesn't get punished enough. I never would have done that at her age because I knew if I did I'd be in major trouble. If my kid did that, they'd never even get their presents that year. The fact that Mindy still got her presents, after breaking someone else's makes me sick.
I'm completely opposed to punishment. But there have to be reasonable consequences. You can't just ignore bad behaviour. Consequences can look like punishment. But the difference is that a consequence is directly related to the misdeed, ideally it will help mitigate the impact it has on others. For example, giving away the kids gifts as direct replacement of the ones that were destroyed or given back to the store to use the money to pay for the broken toys. The important thing is to make sure that the consequences directly fall on the person causing the issue. So in this case, the gifts have to be replaced, but the consequence, as in, paying back for them, was shouldered by the parents, while the kid didn't have any lasting consequences, she got to keep her own gifts, she only got the inadequate and forgettable punishment of not being able to unpack her gifts a second time. That was meaningless since she had already clearly showed she didn't care to share that moment with family.
Load More Replies... I'd say NTA. OP made it sound like no real discipline was implemented except Mindy not being able to open gifts (maybe only because she already opened them anyway) and it's hard to know if she understands that what she did is wrong. My niece stole something of ours last year (we know because I asked my mom to try to find it in her room and she found it the next morning) and NEVER was forced to apologize, never had anything taken away, nothing. Just a stern talking to.....by me. Now we're getting ready to pack up and move and they want to bring her over to help......not happening. No thanks. Don't need anything taken or stolen during a chaotic time like moving when no one is going to watch her.
I don't blame you at all!! I had a teenage cousin (actually she was the child of my cousin by marriage, so not super closely related) babysit for me decades ago, and because I worked until 2am, I decided to have her spend the night. Well, I had left my tips on the kitchen table in my tip pouch, and didn't give it a second thought. The next morning, I took my cousin home, and when I got back, I was going to head to the bank to make my deposit. Well, low and behold ALL of the large bills except two, were GONE!! I was SOOO upset, yet I had no actual "proof" that she did it, but I knew in my gut that she had. On top of that, I had already paid her $50 for babysitting so late for me, and that was a lot back in the 90's. Needless to say, I never allowed her in my home again!! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice.... 🫤
Load More Replies... My youngest grandchild is 3 years old. It would never occur to her to open up even her own gifts before permission. Yesterday (Christmas) she was so overwhelmed by the pile of presents that, looking sad, she said she didn't know what to open first! So mom sat with her and handed her each present to open. Any 6 year old that pulled that stunt in my home would not be invited for the overnight again. They could come in the morning after breakfast and open her gifts with the rest of the children then, and not before.
Years ago, my father's boss at the time offered us the use of a vacation cottage owned by her family. The cottage was big enough to accommodate at least two other families, and my father's boss said she didn't mind (her family wouldn't be at the cabin with us), so we invited two other families to come along. One family had a son, an adopted child, who was younger than me but older than my brother and the other boys who came on the trip (I was the only girl). The adopted boy managed to convince my brother, and the younger brother of the other family, to deface/destroy toys left at the cabin, the property of my father's boss' family. The mother of the adopted boy just shrugged and said, "Boys will be boys, the family who owns this place can replace the toys." My mother, and the other mother, were both appalled by her attitude, and willingly replaced what was ruined--they tried to at least get Adoptive Mom to help with the costs, and she flatly refused.
We were never invited back to the cabin (imagine that), and our relationship with Adoptive Family noticeably cooled after the trip--in addition to the property destruction, Adoptive Son's behavior on the trip was so outrageous that even Adoptive Father had to basically rub his wife's face in it in an attempt to get her to understand that her precious baby boy wasn't the innocent angel she was convinced he was. And he was at least 11-12 yo at the time, so definitely old enough to know better.
Load More Replies... My three year old knows better. And can express her "reasons" behind her actions there was a race up the stairs christmas eve as she took one out of where they were not very well hidden apparently walks down stairs opening I get up like dude no and she takes off with 3 year old demon speed up the stairs to open while she is running and put back. I got her before she opened it but she does it ever year. They are hidden because she opens them all like she is hilarious about it articulate and knows she is cute and uses it all to her advantage. But we are realistic and hide the presents. And need a better place to hide them
NTA. Rules and precautions exist because someone did something to make them necessary. This is no different.
NTA, I thought maybe she was autistic or something.. but if she has no MHI, then 6 years old is def old enough to know better & not care! Also, how did she "accidently" break them? Maybe she was acting out because of all the changes with her Mom and your brother? Regardless, NTA for taking precautions. If your brother and SIL refuse, then keep your gifts locked in the car until the morning... At least that way your gifts are covered.. tell them its UR new Christmas tradition. LOL
I have a hard time understanding why people think being autistic is a reason to have issues like this. This isn't social issues, it's behavioral or learning disability (which yes, can happen together, but isn't because they're autistic) or the kid's just a jerk. Kids are often just jerks without having some sort of disability or anything
Load More Replies... A 6 year old opening their own presents early okay.. but opening everyone else's? And then to break toys that weren't hers? Toys are not meant to be broken especially for kids that young.. if their were multiple toys broken she had to have intentionally did that to some degree.. a lot of people commented spoiled.. but this sounds a lot more like sociopathic tendencies to me.. and the fact that she just apologized and made up excuses for why indicates it more.. a six year old knows what they did was wrong.. she should have been mortified and embarrassed and most likely extremely withdrawn out of guilt and shame... the fact that she kept making excuses means she was trying to say what she thought she should.... It sounds harsh but I would consider having a quiet talk with my brother and ask if other things were going on at home.. and watch her specifically in how she interacts with the other kids.. because in a child that old those are warning signs that something isn't right.
I don‘t know what‘s up with that kid, but something is off. That is not normal 6yo behavior! Opening her own presents early - ok. Opening other presents, because she is curiouse - okish… at least I can kinda understand. Destroying those things? - NO! Maybe she was overwhelmed or she does have issues…. Either way, I hope her parents got to the bottom of it. I am not sure what I would have done in that situation. She did deserve a punishment. Maybe withold her presents for a time? I don‘t know. I would give her a second chance….. but maybe stand guard or something? Or not mention the locked doors to the brother snd SIL?
One Christmas growing up my brother talked me into open gifts like week before Christmas. I opened 1 he opened all of his. My parents figured it out. Those presents were removed from under the tree. We were told we would not be getting those gifts. My brother had nothing under the tree. Christmas morning the gifts were back. My brother never opened a gift early again. OP you're nta. I think locking up the gifts until the adults get up is a good idea. The little girl didn't receive enough of a punishment in my opinion to stop her from doing it again. If she does take away all her gifts so that she receives nothing. And I mean nothing. Even tho she was 6 when she did this I know 4 yr Olds that know better.
NTA! NTA! NTA! I wonder how they'd feel if MINDY'S presents had been opened and broken. She was 6, which is definitely old enough to know better! Even if SHE didn't repeat her poor behavior, one of the other kids might. After all, Mindy still got her gifts, so why bother waiting? I grew up with a little sister who had a very low IQ after a high fever, but she never pulled anything like this. Mindy acted like a baby, so you have to take the same precautions that you would for a baby. These are called CONSEQUENCES, and her parents better get used to it. With their dismissive attitude, it sounds like Mindy may be continuing actions like this!!!
NTA! My parents had put the tree and presents in a playpen when I was growing up, it made sense and taught us to keep our hands ourselves; so locking the living room door seems reasonable.
Uh, opening the presents is wrong enough, but breaking them??? I would not leave the presents out even if brother is upset.
Omg, what?! Their kid opens almost all the presents the previous year, including those that didn’t belong to her & even broke some; yet gets no real disciplinary action for it!! Now, you’re REASONABLY suggesting locking the door to the room with the presents; which does NOT lock them in their room & it does NOT keep them from using the bathroom (where they can use the toilet AND get a drink of water, as cold tap-water from the bathroom sink is perfectly safe to drink) … yet, this girl’s parents have a problem with this?? Clearly, they’re the type of parents who would probably swear up & down “Oh, she’s a good girl, she didn’t mean it”, even if she went into shops & started throwing merchandise around. However; as long as it’s your house, they have to follow your rules. If the living-room stays locked until EVERYONE is ready for Christmas Morning, then they (& their destructive daughter) have to wait like everyone else. Period. If they don’t like it, tough Christmas cookies. 🙅♀️🎁🎄😏
What do they think will happen if she does it a second time? It'd likely be permanent ban from family Christmas celebrations. Much better to take precautions now.
They're lucky to be invited at all. Bro and Sally better bring the checkbook...just in case
NTA. Common sense. Mindy and her parents need some professional help to address whatever led to her antisocial behavior. She seems to need help understanding and coping with big feelings. Having Christmas spoiled was sad. Seeing Mindy's parents either not recognize or not face the reality that this little girl is troubled breaks my heart.
What's the big deal about locking the room ? Or keep the presents in your respective bedrooms until Christmas morning, the bring them down and hand them out. Their obnoxious kid created the situation in the first place.
Meh. Just do what my parents did - lock em in vehicles/trunks. Problem solved. If there's a garage or a basement, lock em up in there. In the wee hours, put em under the tree or hide em in areas of the house (like a present hunt). Money was tight while I was growing up, still we kids each had at least 1 present for Christmas....and with me being the sneaky one, my parents had to come up with ways of hiding em....
I think they did hide them, the little girl woke up early Christmas morning and opened them. It's definitely not the parents fault
Load More Replies... The fact people can't resist reward in such a profound way speaks a lot to the way the world is.
NTA. Definitely lock the door. If she wasn't disciplined for bad behaviour then she will do it again. She has also set a poor example to the other children. My brother hid in a cupboard aged 3 years and cut one of my Xmas gifts in half. He knew at 3 that he was being naughty. Mindy was 6 and could read the labels, she knew right from wrong and deliberately destroyed other kids gifts. Totally unacceptable.
I had to scroll back to check, but, I wasn't wrong, this is at the grandparent's house, and I'm pretty sure they are allowed to lock their living room door, without having to ask anyone's permission. It's a shame it was brought up in the messaging, a quiet word to see what the hosts think, they agreed, so they just lock the door as they go to bed. No one even needed to know. I first thought this was another story I'd seen about a toddler ripping all the presents open. I was totally surprised to find it was a 6 year old, claiming she just wanted to see what everyone else got. To see it it was better than hers is what I got from that. As for breaking the toys, she should have been properly punished for that. Emphasis on 'properly'. Not locked up with a bowl of gruel, but had something of pleasure removed for, maybe, points, until she has 'paid' for what she destroyed. I'm sure a couple of weeks will feel like forever to her and she will have actually learnt her lesson.
Perhaps it should have been brought up the the host privately to save some pf the drama (I don't blame OP one bit, tho). But yeah.. Look, you have someone who has poor impulse control. And it's a kid. If I was the kid myself I'd still say lock them up. Some people struggle with it and gosh I wish her parents were doing more to help her with it, instead of getting mad. You know what my parents did? Told me I could open one small one each bday and Christmas (which are the same month but 13 days apart so I got presents on both days) but the rest is for when they wake up. Given the one I lived with most was more disabled than the other it was a smart and great compromise. I was happy and quiet. Not that I would have opened someone else's gifts but I have made similar mistakes as a kid. Which thankfully she gently (most of the time) taught me otherwise. The ones who made a big deal over my social mistakes when I was 4-8 I don't talk to now bc they continued the constant criticism for --
-- everything throughout the years. They're also the ones who denied my health issues as well as extra needs as a kid and onwards. So.. yeah, that tracks. Two bad extremes here. Not enough for her. Too much (and then enough for one to sometimes two parent/s) for me. Once again the kid's parents and/or family (Not OP and stuff) are setting her up for failure. Teach her! Don't get mad when other people point out a no harm solution! Edit: Two, not too.
Load More Replies... Maybe instead of putting the gifts under the tree before you go to bed, get up early and then stay up. Make breakfast. Keep in mind that there are different levels on the spectrum and ADHD impacts kids differently. Especially if it's untreated. Or if it is accompanied by trauma. My first thought when reading your story is what happened in her formative years that triggered her to lose control and do what she knew she shouldn't? I mean did she have time with her dad where her step siblings got stuff and she didn't? Was mom too poor to buy gifts? Is it possible that her world before your family was that awful and she just wanted to see how it felt to open such awesome presents? The behavior screams of trauma that made her feel unworthy. No, I don't think you are the a hole, however, I think there are better ways to handle it.
Weird that a kid can have time to open presents and damage them without anyone hearing.
NTA Mindy knew better and her "parents" need to grow up and start discipline this spoiled entitled child. She was 6 years old and perfectly capable of reading and understanding the repeated verbal instructions. NOT a "mistake " on her part. Her unacceptable behavior would, indeed, influence the other children if there was no "consequence " for her actions. Monkey see, monkey do. Do not let these irresponsible adults shame you into anything.
I think Mindy was very angry about her new daddy and family situation. I hope they got her some help. Regardless, the presents need to be locked up and Mindy tightly supervised. Too bad if that makes her parents upset.
nta, if there's no preventative measures, i'd be explaining to the kids that Santa (if they believe in Santa or if they dont just say you arent bringing all the gifts to the grandparents house this year) is bringing most of the gifts to yall's house to open at home and only one or two to the grandparents house. those should be closer to stocking stuffers or other trinkets so if they get opened and broken, it wont be as devastating as waking up to find a big present broken.
Hmmm. I totally get struggling to trust Mindy not to do it again. I had a young neice steal from my kid a couple times, and my own too-firm ADHD-driven sense of "justice" left me struggling and dwelling over it for a lot longer than a whole grown adult normally would. I built contingency plans and hid away things I knew would pique her interest. What I DIDN'T do, was bring it up before every visit. After we figured out it was her causing stuff to go missing and told her parents, they sat her down and talked with her; she was made to return the items, which is hard, scary, and embarassing. To re-hash bad choices by "publicly" setting up preventative measures is a step too far. Kids grow a lot in a year, and I think Mindy and her parents (who did everything right regarding Mindy's past transgression) deserve some grace. Unless she's gone and opened other peoples birthday gifts and such since then, I think the event needs to be set to the side.
Absolutely no need to tell any of the kids at all, just do it. Then if they all behave (and I do mean all, there's a slight possibility of cousin revenge) then no one will even know it was locked
Load More Replies... Mindy is very fortunate that she didn't do that crazy BS to me because she would've had to go home with that behavior. No one wants to deal with a jerk, and Mindy is a jerk with jerk parents. Lock up the toys and be done with it.
A long time ago, we were having Christmas at my SIL's. My MIL was staying with her, and while we were having pre-dinner drinks, my daughter and her female cousin, both almost 4 at the time, sneaked into my MIL's room and unpacked à lot of small gifts that were on her bed. We all thought they were playing with their older cousins upstairs. They were told off, but not too hard, and the mess was quickly sorted out. They made up for it 16 years later, by planning, venue, decorating, shopping, cooking and all, à Christmas Eve meal for the whole family (21 of us). We only had to provide the money ;-))
Seems like the parents of Mindy might just be feeling a little defensive because she's the step cousin? Not that the OP or anyone in the family treats her that way but it could explain why they're taking it personally.
Or maybe they’re acting defensive because they are being reminded of their poor parenting?
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The best solution is to stop this silly tradition of getting up early the day after Christmas to open gifts 😝 In Norway, we eat dinner on Christmas Eve. Then we prepare cakes and coffee or put dessert on the coffee table, and open gifts before bedtime. On the rare occation when some kids have so many gifts that they could not open all before bedtime, some might be opened some time after breakfast the next day.
Dude it's bored panda. If you thought it was some some monolith of journalistic excellence and integrity, well that's on you
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