Aunt Lashes Out At Her Teen Nephew Then Acts Stunned When His Mom Tells Her To Pack Her Bags And Leave
Family drama is always tough, since cutting ties can feel impossible or even morally wrong. Even worse, sometimes you get caught in the middle of inter-family conflicts, forcing you to pick a side. And even in cases where it’s clearly visible what party is at fault, fighting with family members can be psychologically draining and confusing.
A mom asked the internet if she was in the right for telling her sister that she is no longer welcome in her house after she got into a heated argument with her teen son. The conflict transpired after the OP’s sister and two daughters came over to visit and her son was asked to babysit the girls.
A parent’s natural instinct is to protect their children, but what happens when this feeling collides with the need to protect your siblings?
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A mom described a time her sister visited with her own kids, and the effect it had on her son
One day, she returned home to find it empty save for the two younger girls
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OP gave some additional thoughts about why her sister said the things she did
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Interfamilial conflict can happen for a variety of reasons and it is always extra painful
Family estrangement, which tends to describe situations a bit more dramatic than the one in OP’s story, is actually quite understudied when it comes to the field of family psychology. In short, it’s a hard topic to cover because most people just don’t want to talk about it, much less with researchers. However, this itself indicates the fact that conflict in the family is a trying subject. The evidence we do have is largely statistical, for example, in the US, about 17% of young adults described themselves as estranged from at least one immediate family member.
In the majority of cases, this conflict arises between the father and the child, though sometimes the child is collateral damage during a marital fight. The estrangement between siblings is less studied, again, because people prefer to avoid the subject. Nevertheless, in both cases, the most common causes included abuse, toxic behavior, and disagreements about politics and religion. While distancing one’s self from abuse is always the right move, it can be difficult as estrangement and cutting contact may make any sort of reconciliation and closure impossible.
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Sometimes conflicts will happen and you should know how to care for yourself and the relationship after the fact
Some psychologists take an alternative view, that conflicts are a part of life, unfortunately, and the real issue with estrangement is the difficulty we have with mending relationships. Normally, when we have a conflict with a person, there is no reason to mend ties. From road rage to hostile coworkers, it’s often easier and more productive to go about your life without the other person. Family makes that more difficult, as there will be times when you may have to interact with them again, from holidays to funerals. So we often don’t have the experience to reconcile with others even when there is a need.
So if there is a need or desire to reconcile, there are a few steps specialists recommend. First, swallow your pride. And recognize that the other party might have difficulty doing that. Sometimes people will give hints that they are open to the idea, but will hide it in some way. What can I say, we humans are stubborn and insolent at any age. Ultimately, if the conflict was mutual, a sincere expression of remorse goes a long way. But if you were the victim and you still want to reconcile, don’t feel bad for standing your ground and demanding an apology.
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Commenters agreed that the sister’s story was strange and she was right to stand by her son
When I was little I watched some fantasy movie where the heroine would sing to nature and it responded. I went out and laid on a recliner on our screened-in porch, looking out at the wind rustling the trees and stuff (we had a gorgeous, well manicured backyard). I remember that part so clearly, how amazing everything seemed and how beautiful. I began to kind of hum under my breath, imagining myself as the heroine (knowing I wasn't, I understood make believe). My mother came out, saw me and laughed. She said something like "Do you actually think you're making the trees move?" ...ruined that lovely moment for me. All I could feel was shame.
Hey, hope that feeling's passed right now. U can still repeat it, u know? no shame in that. at all.
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Son sounds like he can recognise where his limits are and how to deal with them - as in cousins annoying him, so he takes himself off to where he is happy. That's something to be proud of in my mind, he's already aware of his own care regarding mental health. Mum needs to just ensure the line of communication stays open. And whether the son is in the right or wrong regarding watching his cousins, the Aunt still shouldn't start berating him personally, that's a d**k move
When someone has run out of argument, and is resorting to personal attacks, they’re the one in the wrong. No question. Auntie has forfeited her visiting rights to her sister’s house at the beach—-and I bet the beach was the actual reason she was there, not visiting family. Well f**k her. Now she’ll have to pay for a hotel room, and probably only be able to afford one a lot farther from the beach. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. The OP and her son are way better off without her. Maybe, if the two little girls really aren’t that much of a problem (probably wouldn’t be if their mother isn’t there to stir the pot), OP can invite them—-and ONLY them, not their mother—-to visit again. Just schedule it when you’re off work, so you and your son can share looking after them, and still have a lot of opportunity for your own individual “me time”.
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If anyone has issue with my young kid, he or she should come talk to me first. Not harassing my kid unreasonably
The conversation probably went like this: "I need you to watch the girls." "I can't, I'm busy." "Busy starring at the ocean? Yeah that's not busy. Watch the girls."
Yes. I also wouldn't be surprised if she had just left while he was still there and assumed he'd pick up her slack. She seems to have that level of entitlement.
Load More Replies... Anyone else wondering if it was really the kids (or just the kids) OP's son was getting away from? An aunt that would go out and find him in his spot instead of waiting for him to come home to yell... I'm wondering if more has been said that OP isn't aware of.
Seriously. She left her kids alone because she just couldn't wait to scream at him. Those are some skewed priorities.
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As someone who always had a big imagination as a child, someone making fun of me like that would hurt so much. Reading this made me feel so sad, even though the son is seventeen and probably not that thin-skinned, this just seems so very mean
I'm more thick skinned. But if you made fun of me as a child I'd usually knock the s**t out of them. Or at least tell them to slow their roll and back the F-off! Aunty or not. My aunt's were wonderful! My mother was the soul crushing b***h!
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It's some people's mission in life to steal other people's joy. I'd keep her away from my kid too.
Your kid is feeling overwhelmed by a b****y aunt and two kids wanting to hang out with him. Instead of being mean or shouting at them, or whining about them, he takes himself off to the beach for some quiet time. Loving the sea or water isn't unhealthy. Being an imaginative kid who related to Percy Jackson when he was younger is not weird, but bringing it up and trying to make him ashamed of it at 17 is cruel. Your sister is gaslighting, and being an entitled a*****e.
This sounds like the son was capable of knowing that the best way to avoid conflict was to avoid putting himself in a toxic or abrasive environment. So he went to the beach peacefully to sit in peace and be at peace. Why no one found something for the girls to focus on besides their cousin is a mystery. Why the aunt would show cruelty to her nephew is a mystery. The child found a peaceful resolution to an issue before allowing it to become a true problem.
To bring in a new perspective. 8/9 year old girls can be home an hour alone watching a movie no problem. That's picking a fight
Yeah, they weren't some toddlers and what would happen in an hour or less? Okay well me at 9 would have probably gotten stuck in the dryer, or burned down the house making microwave s'mores, or deleted everything on office computer when I tried to find games or...Okay fine but I had "ISSUES" this post suggests these are normal children.
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Who shames a teen over the love of water? I'm 50 and still obsessed with water: the beach, ocean, pools, hot tubs...After I recovered from foot surgery my first stop was Lake Erie.
The way the aunt twisted the issue from child care to literary themes is more than weird. But liars frequently need to steer the conversation away from the facts and over to personalities.
The fact that she made a jab at the fact that his dad was gone must have really hurt. That was a low hit. It seals the deal - NTA. EVEN if he DID agree to watch the kids (highly unlikely) that was a cruel and horrible thing to say to anyone. Definitely NTA.
Why can't an 8 and 9 year old girl be left alone in a house for short periods of time?
My kids love the water a lot. Pools, beaches just like OP's son. I joke that they are either merrowmen, or selkies.
Your comment puts me in mind of my favorite riddle: what do a selkie and a Ziploc have in common? They're both resealable.
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I’m not a parent but I will always remember something my mom said growing up. You should always believe your children. Granted there are exceptions but a kid should know that their parent will always believe them. The sister was way out of line.
even when you have your doubts or know they're making something up, keep in mind that it still may be real to them. if you know for a fact that they're lying, don't make it about not believing them, just point out how you know.
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First off good for standing up for your kid. Second good for removing the issue being your sister as a guest from your home. Third maybe take your son to some therapy. I know it's normal to be attached to the water and enjoy the sport or the sight and use it to center and calm. But maybe he just has things going on that lead him there to contemplate that therapy could help him sort out. Without a father around maybe he's looking into himself instead of people around him to comfort and share with. Couldn't hurt. And he sounds like if he had been asked to watch the girls for a short while he would have knowing you were close by and on the way back so they would be on him too long.
He's 17 understandably doesn't like the attention of his much younger cousins. This pissed the Aunt off and she decided to demand he watch them. I'm betting he said no but even if he didn't does that justify the Aunt using the very specific insults. She knew his trauma and tried to hurt him. If she believed he is to obsessed with the ocean she could've sat down and talked about her concerns. Suggested therapy to help him cope with his absent father. Toxic and selfish.
As a Mom of 2 sons, I have major issues with the sister/aunt in this... She sounds like royal bi**h!!! First, if she was genuinely concerned about her daughters being left alone, then she would not have left them alone to go jump this boys case about leaving them alone, she would have waited until he returned home... So that tells me her daughters being left alone had absolutely nothing to do with it, she was using that as excuse to be a bi**h to her nephew... She needed someone to bully... Second, it is none of her business how this 17yr old young man spends his time, she is not his Mother, or guardian... My biggest issue is, no one not even myself has the right to talk to & belittle my children like she was... I would not have been as nice & just told her to leave, nope, she would have been to full to eat that food she left to get, because I'd have fed her, her teeth... Nobody would have talked to my sons like she did him & got away with it sooo easy!!!
She was belittling him for loving the water and mocking him for not having a real dad. That's cruel and evil. There is nothing wrong or weird with loving the water. If i lived near the ocean, I'd spend lots of time sitting on the beach. The aunt is a psychọ, and a bully, and I would have rìppėd her a new one if site was treating my 17 year old (or any age) kid that way
1, your son isn't free labor for your sister. 2, your son has been driven out of his home and is being harassed, stalked, and screamed at by a guest in your home. 3, nothing about liking being in or near water is in any way abnormal or unhealthy, and it likely has nothing to do with those books or his dad. Some people are just water people. 4, your sister was pissed that your son left her children unattended so she....left her children unattended to go scream at him about it. It's clear your sister has something against you and your son, can't tolerate imagination or diversity, and is a bully at heart. Kick her a*s out pronto. I'd stay open to letting the girls come and stay, as, one or both will probably want a way to escape your horrible sister sooner or later. Best of luck!
I agree with the comments pointing out the irony. "You left my kids home alone… so I left them alone to yell at you!" This isn't about babysitting, this is about power imo
I have 5 siblings and some nieces and nephews and one son. Don't ever, ever, ever think because you have known me all our lives, or because you disagree with the way I raise my (beloved) child, that you can come to my home and raise your voice or hand to my child. You will find out quickly how little I need you and where my loyalties lie.
Aw the kid is grounding, he just doesn't know it. Nothing calms me more than sitting with my bare feet on the earth and looking at moving water. It is natural, an accepted holistic method and totally healthy. But her sister is a beeeeeeeeotch.
I don’t believe that her son has an unhealthy attachment to the ocean. The experience of being in your special place is calming and centering, especially if you are an introvert. As a girl scout, I remember going camping. Being in the forest opened up a new world. The sounds, the smells, the cool air helped me feel connected to the earth. Since then I relish the times I am able to get away to the forest, and just sit.
Because we don't know who is lying of the two I would say that the sister/aunt is the AH. Because she went to scream at her nephew because he supposedly left her daughters alone while leaving them alone herself. I understand the son not wanting to spend time with his cousin, personally, as the youngest of the family I was always seen as the babysitter or kid entertainer whenever people with children visited our house. I didn't like it, but maybe he could try spending a limited time with them, so he doesn't feel overwhelmed, but that's just my opinion and opinions are like...you know.
I love the water too. If I could spend time at a beach I would. I've read the Percy Jackson series. Your son when he told people that his dad was like poisedon (misspelled not sure) was his way of coping with his absent father. Your sister was out of line. If she had an issue with your son she should have talked to you first. Your son already has already said his cousins are too much. So I don't think he is lying. Probable scenario your sister probably said as she walked out the door to get food that he was to babysit them till she got back. Not asked told. Good that you stood up for your son. If your family doesn't want to spend time with the "weird family" that's their loss. Because from the weird person in my family. I'm happier than the rest of them and it took many years to get here. Son-nta, sister-big time ah
What a witch!! I doubt she even paid him for HIS TIME. Personally, the son sounds pretty awesome! I'd be right beside him staring out at the water. There's so many wonderful things there to see. I believe nature is far better than "humans"!! Humans are petty, selfish & rarely think of anyone but themselves. Nature & wildlife never ask a thing of us. I love to sit outside, just listening & watching. IMHO my church is the great outdoors. NTA!! The aunt is self-entitled & self- important! Good job being strong for your son!!
Where is the girls' father? Since auntie attacked teen with the fact his father is gone, what about her children's father?
If your son 100% believes he's a demi-god and part if the sea, well then good. Let him immerse his perhaps easily tired soul in a magical belief that seems to refresh him and help him cope with the overwhelming world. Part of me will always belong to Narnia/the ocean/flying away with little prince and fox..and I allow these imaginings to overpower my thoughts that scare me ( like hurting myself when I'm very very anxious) I pretend I'm just getting back or that the path I'm walking in the wood is there and not here, where I'm being abused. If I couldn't leave like that I think I wouldn't have the strength to try so hard. His dreams could really be saving him. Allow it and don't let anyone disrupt his safe place again. Please.
Well, letting him believe that he is a demi-god can become problematic, because if he gets stuck in an unrealistic fantasy, it can cause his peers to shun him and make it more difficult for him to go about daily life. Of course, letting him dream is in no way a bad thing. As an overwhelmed neurodivergent teen myself, I also find solace in imagining and dreaming of unrealistic things, but too much of anything, even a good thing, can be bad. These sorts of things are great in small doses, but you can't let dreams and fantasies overtake your life. Also, I don't understand why you got downvoted. Whatever works for you, works for you, and people don't need to try and have any opinions on it. Have an upvote. TL;DR: It's totally alright for him to have fantasies like that, but too much of something, good or bad, can be detrimental to you.
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NTA. Your sister should have taken her children with her. Your son is not her de facto sitter. And then she bullies him. Yeah, I'd tell her to pack her s*** and leave too and that she was no longer welcome in my house too. How dare she bully him.
Sounds like your son has found a totally appropriate way of distressing himself when everything get too much for him. I'd say that is a fairly adult thing to do... good on him, many adults can't do that. Your sister on tge other hand seems to be unable to react to things in a rational way. You don't "tell" a 17 year old to do something. You ask and often need to bargain. You don't then leave your children in the house on their own when you are apparently worried about them being left on their own. Mum did the right thing telling her sister to back off, but she shouldn't fight all her sons battles- he has to learn how to do that himself. Also, a fantasy world can be an important safety valve to the modern world, after all what else are books for
I love just sitting by the water. I grew up in West Seattle and everyone knew if I wasn't around, you could usually find me at Alki. Water is very calming.
Ok so if she went to get food why didn't she take her kids with her... They're her kids. Not his responsibility especially of they're visiting. My daughter would be up under me at all times. Especially the fact that he's a male a mature male at that. Rumors get spread and some more stuff. Not saying he's one of those people but I know a few and it sounds like to me since she's letting her daughters hang off of him that he didn't wanna be stereotyped. Not to mention that all 3 are intruding his space and his home... I feel sister needs more parenting skills and communication skills of u ask me
How much you want to bet the aunt asked him to watch the kids, he said "no I'm busy", and she said something like "watching the ocean doesn't count as busy" and tried to force him into it?
I used to feel that my daughter was always the one who had to spend time with her nephew at family parties because she is only 5 years older than him. She told me she enjoyed it because she liked him. 17 year old boys should not be forced to look after their child cousins. And his mother should believe him, not her sister who left her kids alone to go and shout at him. My nieces now have more children and I realised that they were teenagers when my child was born and used to take her to the park, take her for walks and spend time with her whilst I was working so if there is a family party I give them a break and spend time with the kids.
Aunty sounds like a petty idiot! Your son is not responsible for babysitting her children. Nor should she be forcing him to do so! I had a cousin or two that was a pest. And everyone needs peace and quiet and even alone time! When I was young I lived at the lake or river more than I did at home! I love it at, on or any where near the woods and the water! When I was younger I even surfed while in the U.S. Navy! There again onboard ship you live on the water. If I could afford one I'd live on a house boat! Loving watching and listening to the waves crash on the beach or sitting by a gentle waterfall and just listening to the waterfall! So beautiful and relaxing! Plus a child using their imagination is a source of entertainment for young minds! It's like getting on to smaller kids for using their finger as a Colt peacemaker! As a child I'd imagine being Josey Wales! It is my favorite move! And for her to smash his childhood fun because she should be watching her own children!
I wish I had a place like the beach to go diffuse or just relax when I was that age. My dad died when I was 6. To me it sounds like he's dealing with whatever it is in a healthy way. Way to stick by your son! Your sister was intentionally verbally abusing your son because she was upset she didn't do what she wanted. Who sounds like the child?
So my son has this horrendously obnoxious friend. He drives me insane. For example, I was driving them somewhere and the kid kept chanting "t!tty t!tty t!tty" over the song on the radio. I told him that he needed to stop, but I did not yell at him and accuse him of being crazy, because he's just a kid.
Why couldn't the sister from hell simply ask the young man if he would be kind enough to watch her kids for a little bit? NOooooo. She had to tell him. Guests do not have the right to impose their wills on their hosts. Also, why couldn't she just take the girls to the store with her? What is she doing when she's in her own home? What her nephew does with his own time isn't her business.
There's more to this story, but even then the sister is still the A-hole.
Your sister should've taken her children with her because it's not your son's responsibility to watch them. You did the right thing for telling her to leave because she was wrong for yelling at your son and calling him dulisional. This couldn't have been me because I would've went completely off on my sister and beat the c**p out of her for leaving her children unattended and told her that my son isn't your free baby sitter. I also would've told the family exactly what she did so there wouldn't be any lies spread. The sister had a lot of nerve to say all she did to her nephew. Couldn't be me
It sounds like the sister went, "hey, I'm running to the store, watch the kids, BYE!" and the kid said "no, I'm busy" to her retreating back. Sister needs to learn the difference between asking for a favor and demanding a task. OP did everything right.
NTA. I'm going to guess that this is an older sister of yours. She obviously doesn't respect your parenting style. Telling your son to babysit rather than request and then yelling at him without speaking to you 1st shows a level of entitlement that only comes from spoiled people for older siblings. Her expectations seemed to be that your son was there to convenience her. There is a secondary area here that does need addressing. The 2 young girls adore their cousin. So I will only give the advice to your son here. Don't mess that up young man. We all know that a couple of cousins can be a pain in your butt, but they will grow up and you will probably want a relationship with them when you get older. You must have a soft side if the girls are drawn to you so make the effort to spend time with them outside of the parents. It's hard to see at 17 but years from now the relationship with your cousins will be important.
When my very intelligent little kid watched the movies Madeline and Real Genius they were terrified for years that I would send them away to "smart people school" kids have fantastical thinking. Positive and negative. Thousands of children are waiting for Owls from Hogwarts this very moment. And millions if people all over the world love to surf bc it relaxes them. Sister is the AH bc she is embarrassed bc she left her kids alone when the older boy didn't fall in line
Seems like an overreaction on everybody's part and helicopter parenting on the mom's side. It's obviously not ok for the aunt to get so personal but then why did mom step in to stop her son from exploding? Why not let him fight back? And why force a family to move out over such a tiff? Or was this just an excuse to get rid of them? And is it really too much to ask a teenager for a short time of babysitting while someone does a quick shop? From the information that I read, I am in team ESH
1. no matter what the son did, the aunt is the biggest a*****e for going after him like she did. i highly doubt he lied, based on the fact that the aunt went to personal attacks instead of actually focusing on the problem, which really makes her the one in the wrong. 2. this kid was constantly running to get some time away from his cousins that he couldn't get at home, and then he was attacked for it. the mother's duty is to her son, first and foremost. if he didn't feel safe with the aunt there, which he probably didn't, aunt had to go.
Load More Replies... When I was little I watched some fantasy movie where the heroine would sing to nature and it responded. I went out and laid on a recliner on our screened-in porch, looking out at the wind rustling the trees and stuff (we had a gorgeous, well manicured backyard). I remember that part so clearly, how amazing everything seemed and how beautiful. I began to kind of hum under my breath, imagining myself as the heroine (knowing I wasn't, I understood make believe). My mother came out, saw me and laughed. She said something like "Do you actually think you're making the trees move?" ...ruined that lovely moment for me. All I could feel was shame.
Hey, hope that feeling's passed right now. U can still repeat it, u know? no shame in that. at all.
Load More Replies... Son sounds like he can recognise where his limits are and how to deal with them - as in cousins annoying him, so he takes himself off to where he is happy. That's something to be proud of in my mind, he's already aware of his own care regarding mental health. Mum needs to just ensure the line of communication stays open. And whether the son is in the right or wrong regarding watching his cousins, the Aunt still shouldn't start berating him personally, that's a d**k move
When someone has run out of argument, and is resorting to personal attacks, they’re the one in the wrong. No question. Auntie has forfeited her visiting rights to her sister’s house at the beach—-and I bet the beach was the actual reason she was there, not visiting family. Well f**k her. Now she’ll have to pay for a hotel room, and probably only be able to afford one a lot farther from the beach. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. The OP and her son are way better off without her. Maybe, if the two little girls really aren’t that much of a problem (probably wouldn’t be if their mother isn’t there to stir the pot), OP can invite them—-and ONLY them, not their mother—-to visit again. Just schedule it when you’re off work, so you and your son can share looking after them, and still have a lot of opportunity for your own individual “me time”.
Load More Replies... If anyone has issue with my young kid, he or she should come talk to me first. Not harassing my kid unreasonably
The conversation probably went like this: "I need you to watch the girls." "I can't, I'm busy." "Busy starring at the ocean? Yeah that's not busy. Watch the girls."
Yes. I also wouldn't be surprised if she had just left while he was still there and assumed he'd pick up her slack. She seems to have that level of entitlement.
Load More Replies... Anyone else wondering if it was really the kids (or just the kids) OP's son was getting away from? An aunt that would go out and find him in his spot instead of waiting for him to come home to yell... I'm wondering if more has been said that OP isn't aware of.
Seriously. She left her kids alone because she just couldn't wait to scream at him. Those are some skewed priorities.
Load More Replies... As someone who always had a big imagination as a child, someone making fun of me like that would hurt so much. Reading this made me feel so sad, even though the son is seventeen and probably not that thin-skinned, this just seems so very mean
I'm more thick skinned. But if you made fun of me as a child I'd usually knock the s**t out of them. Or at least tell them to slow their roll and back the F-off! Aunty or not. My aunt's were wonderful! My mother was the soul crushing b***h!
Load More Replies... It's some people's mission in life to steal other people's joy. I'd keep her away from my kid too.
Your kid is feeling overwhelmed by a b****y aunt and two kids wanting to hang out with him. Instead of being mean or shouting at them, or whining about them, he takes himself off to the beach for some quiet time. Loving the sea or water isn't unhealthy. Being an imaginative kid who related to Percy Jackson when he was younger is not weird, but bringing it up and trying to make him ashamed of it at 17 is cruel. Your sister is gaslighting, and being an entitled a*****e.
This sounds like the son was capable of knowing that the best way to avoid conflict was to avoid putting himself in a toxic or abrasive environment. So he went to the beach peacefully to sit in peace and be at peace. Why no one found something for the girls to focus on besides their cousin is a mystery. Why the aunt would show cruelty to her nephew is a mystery. The child found a peaceful resolution to an issue before allowing it to become a true problem.
To bring in a new perspective. 8/9 year old girls can be home an hour alone watching a movie no problem. That's picking a fight
Yeah, they weren't some toddlers and what would happen in an hour or less? Okay well me at 9 would have probably gotten stuck in the dryer, or burned down the house making microwave s'mores, or deleted everything on office computer when I tried to find games or...Okay fine but I had "ISSUES" this post suggests these are normal children.
Load More Replies... Who shames a teen over the love of water? I'm 50 and still obsessed with water: the beach, ocean, pools, hot tubs...After I recovered from foot surgery my first stop was Lake Erie.
The way the aunt twisted the issue from child care to literary themes is more than weird. But liars frequently need to steer the conversation away from the facts and over to personalities.
The fact that she made a jab at the fact that his dad was gone must have really hurt. That was a low hit. It seals the deal - NTA. EVEN if he DID agree to watch the kids (highly unlikely) that was a cruel and horrible thing to say to anyone. Definitely NTA.
Why can't an 8 and 9 year old girl be left alone in a house for short periods of time?
My kids love the water a lot. Pools, beaches just like OP's son. I joke that they are either merrowmen, or selkies.
Your comment puts me in mind of my favorite riddle: what do a selkie and a Ziploc have in common? They're both resealable.
Load More Replies... I’m not a parent but I will always remember something my mom said growing up. You should always believe your children. Granted there are exceptions but a kid should know that their parent will always believe them. The sister was way out of line.
even when you have your doubts or know they're making something up, keep in mind that it still may be real to them. if you know for a fact that they're lying, don't make it about not believing them, just point out how you know.
Load More Replies... First off good for standing up for your kid. Second good for removing the issue being your sister as a guest from your home. Third maybe take your son to some therapy. I know it's normal to be attached to the water and enjoy the sport or the sight and use it to center and calm. But maybe he just has things going on that lead him there to contemplate that therapy could help him sort out. Without a father around maybe he's looking into himself instead of people around him to comfort and share with. Couldn't hurt. And he sounds like if he had been asked to watch the girls for a short while he would have knowing you were close by and on the way back so they would be on him too long.
He's 17 understandably doesn't like the attention of his much younger cousins. This pissed the Aunt off and she decided to demand he watch them. I'm betting he said no but even if he didn't does that justify the Aunt using the very specific insults. She knew his trauma and tried to hurt him. If she believed he is to obsessed with the ocean she could've sat down and talked about her concerns. Suggested therapy to help him cope with his absent father. Toxic and selfish.
As a Mom of 2 sons, I have major issues with the sister/aunt in this... She sounds like royal bi**h!!! First, if she was genuinely concerned about her daughters being left alone, then she would not have left them alone to go jump this boys case about leaving them alone, she would have waited until he returned home... So that tells me her daughters being left alone had absolutely nothing to do with it, she was using that as excuse to be a bi**h to her nephew... She needed someone to bully... Second, it is none of her business how this 17yr old young man spends his time, she is not his Mother, or guardian... My biggest issue is, no one not even myself has the right to talk to & belittle my children like she was... I would not have been as nice & just told her to leave, nope, she would have been to full to eat that food she left to get, because I'd have fed her, her teeth... Nobody would have talked to my sons like she did him & got away with it sooo easy!!!
She was belittling him for loving the water and mocking him for not having a real dad. That's cruel and evil. There is nothing wrong or weird with loving the water. If i lived near the ocean, I'd spend lots of time sitting on the beach. The aunt is a psychọ, and a bully, and I would have rìppėd her a new one if site was treating my 17 year old (or any age) kid that way
1, your son isn't free labor for your sister. 2, your son has been driven out of his home and is being harassed, stalked, and screamed at by a guest in your home. 3, nothing about liking being in or near water is in any way abnormal or unhealthy, and it likely has nothing to do with those books or his dad. Some people are just water people. 4, your sister was pissed that your son left her children unattended so she....left her children unattended to go scream at him about it. It's clear your sister has something against you and your son, can't tolerate imagination or diversity, and is a bully at heart. Kick her a*s out pronto. I'd stay open to letting the girls come and stay, as, one or both will probably want a way to escape your horrible sister sooner or later. Best of luck!
I agree with the comments pointing out the irony. "You left my kids home alone… so I left them alone to yell at you!" This isn't about babysitting, this is about power imo
I have 5 siblings and some nieces and nephews and one son. Don't ever, ever, ever think because you have known me all our lives, or because you disagree with the way I raise my (beloved) child, that you can come to my home and raise your voice or hand to my child. You will find out quickly how little I need you and where my loyalties lie.
Aw the kid is grounding, he just doesn't know it. Nothing calms me more than sitting with my bare feet on the earth and looking at moving water. It is natural, an accepted holistic method and totally healthy. But her sister is a beeeeeeeeotch.
I don’t believe that her son has an unhealthy attachment to the ocean. The experience of being in your special place is calming and centering, especially if you are an introvert. As a girl scout, I remember going camping. Being in the forest opened up a new world. The sounds, the smells, the cool air helped me feel connected to the earth. Since then I relish the times I am able to get away to the forest, and just sit.
Because we don't know who is lying of the two I would say that the sister/aunt is the AH. Because she went to scream at her nephew because he supposedly left her daughters alone while leaving them alone herself. I understand the son not wanting to spend time with his cousin, personally, as the youngest of the family I was always seen as the babysitter or kid entertainer whenever people with children visited our house. I didn't like it, but maybe he could try spending a limited time with them, so he doesn't feel overwhelmed, but that's just my opinion and opinions are like...you know.
I love the water too. If I could spend time at a beach I would. I've read the Percy Jackson series. Your son when he told people that his dad was like poisedon (misspelled not sure) was his way of coping with his absent father. Your sister was out of line. If she had an issue with your son she should have talked to you first. Your son already has already said his cousins are too much. So I don't think he is lying. Probable scenario your sister probably said as she walked out the door to get food that he was to babysit them till she got back. Not asked told. Good that you stood up for your son. If your family doesn't want to spend time with the "weird family" that's their loss. Because from the weird person in my family. I'm happier than the rest of them and it took many years to get here. Son-nta, sister-big time ah
What a witch!! I doubt she even paid him for HIS TIME. Personally, the son sounds pretty awesome! I'd be right beside him staring out at the water. There's so many wonderful things there to see. I believe nature is far better than "humans"!! Humans are petty, selfish & rarely think of anyone but themselves. Nature & wildlife never ask a thing of us. I love to sit outside, just listening & watching. IMHO my church is the great outdoors. NTA!! The aunt is self-entitled & self- important! Good job being strong for your son!!
Where is the girls' father? Since auntie attacked teen with the fact his father is gone, what about her children's father?
If your son 100% believes he's a demi-god and part if the sea, well then good. Let him immerse his perhaps easily tired soul in a magical belief that seems to refresh him and help him cope with the overwhelming world. Part of me will always belong to Narnia/the ocean/flying away with little prince and fox..and I allow these imaginings to overpower my thoughts that scare me ( like hurting myself when I'm very very anxious) I pretend I'm just getting back or that the path I'm walking in the wood is there and not here, where I'm being abused. If I couldn't leave like that I think I wouldn't have the strength to try so hard. His dreams could really be saving him. Allow it and don't let anyone disrupt his safe place again. Please.
Well, letting him believe that he is a demi-god can become problematic, because if he gets stuck in an unrealistic fantasy, it can cause his peers to shun him and make it more difficult for him to go about daily life. Of course, letting him dream is in no way a bad thing. As an overwhelmed neurodivergent teen myself, I also find solace in imagining and dreaming of unrealistic things, but too much of anything, even a good thing, can be bad. These sorts of things are great in small doses, but you can't let dreams and fantasies overtake your life. Also, I don't understand why you got downvoted. Whatever works for you, works for you, and people don't need to try and have any opinions on it. Have an upvote. TL;DR: It's totally alright for him to have fantasies like that, but too much of something, good or bad, can be detrimental to you.
Load More Replies... NTA. Your sister should have taken her children with her. Your son is not her de facto sitter. And then she bullies him. Yeah, I'd tell her to pack her s*** and leave too and that she was no longer welcome in my house too. How dare she bully him.
Sounds like your son has found a totally appropriate way of distressing himself when everything get too much for him. I'd say that is a fairly adult thing to do... good on him, many adults can't do that. Your sister on tge other hand seems to be unable to react to things in a rational way. You don't "tell" a 17 year old to do something. You ask and often need to bargain. You don't then leave your children in the house on their own when you are apparently worried about them being left on their own. Mum did the right thing telling her sister to back off, but she shouldn't fight all her sons battles- he has to learn how to do that himself. Also, a fantasy world can be an important safety valve to the modern world, after all what else are books for
I love just sitting by the water. I grew up in West Seattle and everyone knew if I wasn't around, you could usually find me at Alki. Water is very calming.
Ok so if she went to get food why didn't she take her kids with her... They're her kids. Not his responsibility especially of they're visiting. My daughter would be up under me at all times. Especially the fact that he's a male a mature male at that. Rumors get spread and some more stuff. Not saying he's one of those people but I know a few and it sounds like to me since she's letting her daughters hang off of him that he didn't wanna be stereotyped. Not to mention that all 3 are intruding his space and his home... I feel sister needs more parenting skills and communication skills of u ask me
How much you want to bet the aunt asked him to watch the kids, he said "no I'm busy", and she said something like "watching the ocean doesn't count as busy" and tried to force him into it?
I used to feel that my daughter was always the one who had to spend time with her nephew at family parties because she is only 5 years older than him. She told me she enjoyed it because she liked him. 17 year old boys should not be forced to look after their child cousins. And his mother should believe him, not her sister who left her kids alone to go and shout at him. My nieces now have more children and I realised that they were teenagers when my child was born and used to take her to the park, take her for walks and spend time with her whilst I was working so if there is a family party I give them a break and spend time with the kids.
Aunty sounds like a petty idiot! Your son is not responsible for babysitting her children. Nor should she be forcing him to do so! I had a cousin or two that was a pest. And everyone needs peace and quiet and even alone time! When I was young I lived at the lake or river more than I did at home! I love it at, on or any where near the woods and the water! When I was younger I even surfed while in the U.S. Navy! There again onboard ship you live on the water. If I could afford one I'd live on a house boat! Loving watching and listening to the waves crash on the beach or sitting by a gentle waterfall and just listening to the waterfall! So beautiful and relaxing! Plus a child using their imagination is a source of entertainment for young minds! It's like getting on to smaller kids for using their finger as a Colt peacemaker! As a child I'd imagine being Josey Wales! It is my favorite move! And for her to smash his childhood fun because she should be watching her own children!
I wish I had a place like the beach to go diffuse or just relax when I was that age. My dad died when I was 6. To me it sounds like he's dealing with whatever it is in a healthy way. Way to stick by your son! Your sister was intentionally verbally abusing your son because she was upset she didn't do what she wanted. Who sounds like the child?
So my son has this horrendously obnoxious friend. He drives me insane. For example, I was driving them somewhere and the kid kept chanting "t!tty t!tty t!tty" over the song on the radio. I told him that he needed to stop, but I did not yell at him and accuse him of being crazy, because he's just a kid.
Why couldn't the sister from hell simply ask the young man if he would be kind enough to watch her kids for a little bit? NOooooo. She had to tell him. Guests do not have the right to impose their wills on their hosts. Also, why couldn't she just take the girls to the store with her? What is she doing when she's in her own home? What her nephew does with his own time isn't her business.
There's more to this story, but even then the sister is still the A-hole.
Your sister should've taken her children with her because it's not your son's responsibility to watch them. You did the right thing for telling her to leave because she was wrong for yelling at your son and calling him dulisional. This couldn't have been me because I would've went completely off on my sister and beat the c**p out of her for leaving her children unattended and told her that my son isn't your free baby sitter. I also would've told the family exactly what she did so there wouldn't be any lies spread. The sister had a lot of nerve to say all she did to her nephew. Couldn't be me
It sounds like the sister went, "hey, I'm running to the store, watch the kids, BYE!" and the kid said "no, I'm busy" to her retreating back. Sister needs to learn the difference between asking for a favor and demanding a task. OP did everything right.
NTA. I'm going to guess that this is an older sister of yours. She obviously doesn't respect your parenting style. Telling your son to babysit rather than request and then yelling at him without speaking to you 1st shows a level of entitlement that only comes from spoiled people for older siblings. Her expectations seemed to be that your son was there to convenience her. There is a secondary area here that does need addressing. The 2 young girls adore their cousin. So I will only give the advice to your son here. Don't mess that up young man. We all know that a couple of cousins can be a pain in your butt, but they will grow up and you will probably want a relationship with them when you get older. You must have a soft side if the girls are drawn to you so make the effort to spend time with them outside of the parents. It's hard to see at 17 but years from now the relationship with your cousins will be important.
When my very intelligent little kid watched the movies Madeline and Real Genius they were terrified for years that I would send them away to "smart people school" kids have fantastical thinking. Positive and negative. Thousands of children are waiting for Owls from Hogwarts this very moment. And millions if people all over the world love to surf bc it relaxes them. Sister is the AH bc she is embarrassed bc she left her kids alone when the older boy didn't fall in line
Seems like an overreaction on everybody's part and helicopter parenting on the mom's side. It's obviously not ok for the aunt to get so personal but then why did mom step in to stop her son from exploding? Why not let him fight back? And why force a family to move out over such a tiff? Or was this just an excuse to get rid of them? And is it really too much to ask a teenager for a short time of babysitting while someone does a quick shop? From the information that I read, I am in team ESH
1. no matter what the son did, the aunt is the biggest a*****e for going after him like she did. i highly doubt he lied, based on the fact that the aunt went to personal attacks instead of actually focusing on the problem, which really makes her the one in the wrong. 2. this kid was constantly running to get some time away from his cousins that he couldn't get at home, and then he was attacked for it. the mother's duty is to her son, first and foremost. if he didn't feel safe with the aunt there, which he probably didn't, aunt had to go.
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