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“Makes Me Gag”: Woman Can’t Understand Why She Can’t Get A Job, Sister Gets Brutally Honest
Many people, especially recent college graduates, are facing an incredibly tough job market right now. It feels like it’s harder to secure a job in certain sectors right now than ever in recent memory. Naturally, this has a lot of young adults worried, questioning their skills, and dealing with bruised self-esteem.
But sometimes, the issue isn’t (just) the job market. The problem is not getting the basic things, like personal hygiene, right. One internet user shared a sensitive family story online. She asked the AITA group whether she was wrong to have finally snapped and called out her sister for her awful personal hygiene. According to her, her sister refuses to recognize that this is an issue, instead choosing to blame her inability to find a job on sexism.
Scroll down for the full story and the internet’s reactions, including some insights into the potential reasons behind these issues. Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to the author for further comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from them.
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Getting a good job is hard enough as it is, and first impressions matter a ton. It’s even harder if you put yourself at a disadvantage
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman asked the internet to weigh in on whether she was wrong to snap and call out her job-hunting sister for her poor personal hygiene
Image credits: Hrant Khachatryan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ArguingwsisThrowaway
The halo effect and the horn effect mean that people tend to make assumptions about you based on one trait
What do you do to put your best foot forward in job interviews? What advice would you give recent college graduates just now entering the job market? Drop a comment with your advice below, at the bottom of this post!
Like it or not, first impressions really do matter. You want to leave a good impression on other people. You want to be respected, liked, admired, and accepted. This need for social acceptance is hard-wired into human beings. And the reality is that most folks make assumptions based on the things they can instantly see and sense.
If you look unkempt, they’ll make assumptions about your skills, character, and capabilities. After all, if you don’t have the discipline or self-awareness to get the basics right, why should anyone trust you when handling sensitive customer-facing tasks or important projects?
This is part of two cognitive biases: the halo effect and the horn effect. Essentially, the idea is that folks make broad assumptions about you based on one trait. Verywell Mind points out that this is also known as the physical attractiveness stereotype or the “what is beautiful is also good” principle.
For example, according to the halo effect, physically attractive people are considered to be more intelligent, likable, skilled, ethical, etc., even if they aren’t.
Meanwhile, the opposite of the halo effect is the horn effect, where a person’s one trait affects the assumptions about all their other traits. So, for instance, someone who is unattractive or unkempt might also be perceived as unkind, untalented, etc.
It’s impossible to fully avoid the influence that cognitive biases have on our decisions and perceptions, but if you’re aware of them, you can be more objective when evaluating another person.
But why intentionally put yourself at a disadvantage when you’re desperate for a(ny) job? Why create a bad first impression? Take a shower. Wash your hair. Comb it. Trim your nails. Put on some deodorant and a bit of perfume or cologne. Pick out a freshly laundered, tidy, business-casual outfit. Brush your teeth.
If your goal is to get employed ASAP, actually try to impress the interviewers. It’s not cringeworthy to put in genuine effort.
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Sometimes, an inability to take care of one’s personal hygiene is a sign of depression or other serious mental health problems
A person’s inability to take care of their personal hygiene can be an indication that they lack self-awareness or may be exceedingly lazy. However, it can also be a sign that they’re struggling with serious mental health issues, like depression.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness, a society’s ideas about the morality of cleanliness shape how it views mental illness. Sometimes, what’s perceived as a personal failure can be the result of structural inequality or mental health challenges.
“Hygiene is one of the many symptoms that is frequently left out of the mental health conversation. This is largely because the subject is difficult to talk about—many of us feel the weight of stigma when talking about our bodies and our personal habits. However, indifference to hygiene tasks, including showering, brushing teeth, doing laundry, or brushing hair, is a common symptom of mental health conditions (particularly depression),” NAMI explains.
Someone who is depressed may find it exhausting to do even basic personal hygiene-related tasks that seem incredibly simple and easy for most people.
“When experiencing the crushing weight of depression, showering can feel like an ordeal that requires exhausting amounts of forethought and effort. The number of steps feels intimidating; making sure the water is hot, washing everywhere, drying off efficiently, moisturizing, then putting on clean clothes can feel like a lot to handle with deep depression.”
NAMI has a few suggestions for managing personal hygiene if you currently struggle with depression or other mental health issues:
- Create a routine with specific times at the start of the day or week when you, for example, shower, so you don’t forget
- Do the same for times at the end of the day or week, so you build consistency
- If you find showering too exhausting, do something that requires less effort, such as using an adult disposable bathing cloth
- When you’re unable to follow through with your routine, do anything related to cleanliness, like washing your face
- Spend money on nice hygiene products so you enjoy the process of cleaning yourself more
- Commit to the people who care about you that you will shower at specific times
It’s not just your job prospects that suffer. Poor hygiene also damages your health and longevity
Keep in mind that ignoring your personal hygiene doesn’t just wreck your reputation, career path, relationships, and confidence. It also damages your body.
As Healthline points out, bad hygiene leads to more illnesses, worse overall health, and potentially even infections and serious diseases.
At the time of writing, internet user u/ArguingwsisThrowaway’s post garnered 9.7k upvotes and nearly 500 comments. A lot of people speculated that this level of unkemptness may be an indication that the author’s sister may be suffering from depression, or that there are other serious problems at work here.
According to the author, her sister showers, at most, once a week, smells badly, has greasy skin, oily and tangled hair, grimy nails, and wears sloppy clothes.
What’s your take on this sensitive issue, dear Pandas? How would you have handled the situation if you were the student’s sibling or parent? Have you ever had a loved one struggle with personal hygiene before? If so, how did you tackle the awkward topic with them?
What advice would you give recent graduates who are looking for a job right now? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Later, the author answered people’s questions and shared more details about the sensitive situation
Most readers were on the author’s side. They thought she did the right thing to call her out, even if the tone could have been different
A few folks thought that the woman could have handled the entire situation much better. Here’s their take
Quite a few readers thought there were deeper issues there. They expressed concern about the sister’s mental health
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What do you think ?
KatSaidWhat 4 months ago
I'm with the people who said something bad triggered this. There's more to this than laziness. I don't want to jump to a*****t but if she is deliberately making herself unattractive despite being told nicely and not so nicely that this is the reason for her not getting jobs, she needs to see a professional to address the underlying issues.
KrazyChiMama 4 months ago
Totally agree. My husband works with a guy who NEVER showers. He just puts on tons of body spray. It’s really bad apparently. My husband sat him down to talk to him nicely about it. Turns out he spent 5 years in prison for attempted armed robbery. Not showing helped him ward off unwanted attention from the deviants he was in prison with. Very sad indeed.
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Grace Sssssss 4 months ago
This also sounds like self-sabotage. Deep down inside, does Lily not feel ready to become "an adult"? Is she scared to be judged, so makes sure there's no tension that way--she'll make sure there's no chance they'll like her? I mean, she literally bypassed the clean clothes to get dirty clothes out of the hamper. This is sabotage.
Robyn Hill 4 months ago
That's what I was thinking, too. Not to downplay the depression she obviously is suffering from, but what college student NEEDS their parents to tell them to wash their hair and lay out their clothes for an interview? It really sounds like, on top of whatever else is going on, Lily is self-sabotaging. And that, too, is a symptom of depression.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 4 months ago
I'm with the people who said something bad triggered this. There's more to this than laziness. I don't want to jump to a*****t but if she is deliberately making herself unattractive despite being told nicely and not so nicely that this is the reason for her not getting jobs, she needs to see a professional to address the underlying issues.
KrazyChiMama 4 months ago
Totally agree. My husband works with a guy who NEVER showers. He just puts on tons of body spray. It’s really bad apparently. My husband sat him down to talk to him nicely about it. Turns out he spent 5 years in prison for attempted armed robbery. Not showing helped him ward off unwanted attention from the deviants he was in prison with. Very sad indeed.
Load More Replies... Grace Sssssss 4 months ago
This also sounds like self-sabotage. Deep down inside, does Lily not feel ready to become "an adult"? Is she scared to be judged, so makes sure there's no tension that way--she'll make sure there's no chance they'll like her? I mean, she literally bypassed the clean clothes to get dirty clothes out of the hamper. This is sabotage.
Robyn Hill 4 months ago
That's what I was thinking, too. Not to downplay the depression she obviously is suffering from, but what college student NEEDS their parents to tell them to wash their hair and lay out their clothes for an interview? It really sounds like, on top of whatever else is going on, Lily is self-sabotaging. And that, too, is a symptom of depression.
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