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Having an open mind is crucial when it comes to dating. You never know who’s going to swoop in and steal your heart, and if you’re too picky, you can miss out on potentially beautiful connections.
But we’re all allowed to have preferences. And men on Reddit have recently been opening up about what instantly makes them lose interest in a woman. We’ve gathered a list of their turn-offs below, some of which you may agree with and some of which you might find absolutely arbitrary. But either way, we hope you enjoy your journey through this list, and remember to upvote the "icks" that you wouldn’t be able to look past either!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Money.
I don't expect a woman to finance me. I'm even happy to pay the lions share on most things because I do make good money. But dear lord pay SOMETHING. Be responsible for the food or power bill or pay some rent.
If you are so bad with money that you can't keep gas in your car while I'm paying all the rent and utilities and buying all the food, there is just something wrong with you.
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#3
My last relationship i got fed up with the constant trauma dumping, and taking no accountability for their actions, everything was due to past trauma, never her fault etc. She could do no wrong due to this and when she did wrong i should just accept it because it was due to trauma. Tho getting help for said trauma or taking my concerns into account was out of the questions. If i had stayed it would have become a full time job.
To find out what started this conversation in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Fun-Philosopher671, who invited readers to share their thoughts. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda, revealing that she made this post while going through a difficult time with someone she felt deeply connected to.
"When that connection eventually broke, it made me reflect a lot on what causes people to lose interest; especially when the bond once felt genuine," the author shared. "Posting the question was my way of trying to understand that shift, not just from my own experience, but from others’ perspectives too. Sometimes hearing different viewpoints helps you process your own situation a little better."
#4
You only get so many chances to tell me about your awful ex bf. After that, I will consider you to be lacking in traits like independence and maturity, and that makes you seem like an unreliable partner because you’re living in the past and not engaged in what’s in front of you now.
#6
When all she does is talk about herself and never once ask about me or how my day went. I’m bi, this goes for people of any gender, romantic or not.
We also asked the author if she believed that men and women often lose interest for different reasons. "In my view, the core reasons are quite similar. Everyone, regardless of gender, wants to feel valued, understood, and emotionally connected," she noted.
"The difference lies in how people express those needs. Men might withdraw when they feel unappreciated or pressured, while women might disengage when they feel unheard or emotionally neglected," Fun-Philosopher671 continued. "But ultimately, it all comes down to emotional reciprocity."
#8
Constant negativity or drama. If every conversation is complaints or emotional rollercoasters, it’s exhausting. People want fun, light energy and someone who makes life easier, not heavier.
So what did the author think of the replies to her post? "I really enjoyed reading through them. Many were honest, sometimes brutally so; but that honesty is what made the discussion meaningful."
"I came across responses mentioning things like inconsistency, lack of intimacy, greed, disloyalty, and even the emotional toll of being dumped. It was eye-opening to see how varied and nuanced people’s experiences are," she shared. "What stood out most was how many agreed that communication, effort, and emotional availability are what truly sustain interest in the long run."
#10
I was trying to find the best word to answer this. From my own experiences, it would be: manipulation.
#11
A lot has made me almost totally lose interest but the two that come to mind the most are beinf expected to put in 200% effort every day when they cant be a**ed to put any effort in to meet increasingly lowering standards. And the my money is our money her money is her money mindset. At the end of all my relationships Ive just mentally checked out once I start feeling like im just an income stream that is expected to be a therapist, entertainer, chef, and handyman every day for someone that will judge you for showing any emotions besides what they want to see from you.
#12
When nothing evolves or changes, or the woman just has too much baggage that she is putting on you. I will help a partner carry their burden, but it's not my fault and being blamed/punished for it is not it
There hits a point where it's just not worth it anymore.
Finally, the author shared some words of wisdom. "Relationships aren’t about maintaining constant intensity; they’re about nurturing steady connection. Attraction may spark interest, but empathy, consistency, and respect are what keep it alive."
#13
When I start to get the sense that she is playing with me for attention but has no interest in being vulnerable or honest about her own fears and shortcomings. When I start to realize I'm the only one talking, and she is a brick wall with any questions about herself. I'll try to get in there for a while, but eventually, I start to feel like I'm just being studied and toyed with, and I don't deserve to be a science experiment. It might be her trauma, but that's not my drama.
#15
When she does not listen, but instead is thinking about what she will say when she interups me. When I have to repeat something I said 5 minutes ago I know she was not listening. I don't need that, my crazy meter is already full.
#16
Lack of communication, i want you to feel comfortable enough around me to talk about anything that's bothering you, or to just send a text when you feel like it. If that's not happening then eventually i will lose interest, unless there's a good reason for it happening obviously since you can't know everything.
#17
So for me I’m 7.5 years in to a relationship and no matter how much I plead she won’t communicate. She see conversations about anything other than positive stuff as confrontational and won’t speak, I’ve also asked her to get some talking therapy to find out why, it’s now at the point I’m just switching off not just from our relationship but all women as I just can’t be bothered any more - I’m 50 in 5 weeks and think I just wanna be alone and get a dog to talk and chill with.
#18
Lack of ambition, taking for granted, putting in very little effort, complaining constantly and taking no steps to address amy of their fairly easily resolved issues across years, a victim mentality and general laziness assuming their partner will fix whatever it wrong
Also pointless games, get out of here with that.
#19
Attitude. Entitlement. Rudeness. Not everyone is deserving of being treated that way. Apparently a lot of people didn’t get that message or refuse to acknowledge it applies to them.
#26
No progress, no introspection, no intimacy. It's especially bad when it feels like your attempts to establish intimacy get dismissed and sh*t on.
#27
Low effort, low interest, low honesty, overly defensive from past hurts etc etc. i don't chase anyone not showing me enough interest or effort.
#28
When they don’t “fit”.
They can have plenty of good about them but no one is gonna stay past the honey moon stage unless they fit or they are too scared or comfy where they are to choose to be alone.
#30
When you have to put in way more work and seem to be getting nothing on your investment, it's time to move on. Too much drama, too much baggage, not bringing much to the table, interest lost and move on time.
#31
Emotional disconnection more than looks. When the vibe shifts and it feels like you’re not really *seen* anymore, that’s when it fades.
#33
For me, it was the choice between possibly dying from exposure to cats. I risked it when I was younger, but after my last two hospital visits, I think I’m out of lives.
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What do you think ?
Doctor Strange 4 months ago
Telling me how much better then me the guy she was cheating on me was, that was a pretty big turn off.
Serena Myers 4 months ago
And tomorrow there will be the "icky-things-men-do-instant-turn-off" article to balance this one.
Michael Largey 4 months ago
They could just take this article and merely change the title and pronouns. Nothing mentioned here is unique to women.
Load More Replies... Doctor Strange 4 months ago
Telling me how much better then me the guy she was cheating on me was, that was a pretty big turn off.
Serena Myers 4 months ago
And tomorrow there will be the "icky-things-men-do-instant-turn-off" article to balance this one.
Michael Largey 4 months ago
They could just take this article and merely change the title and pronouns. Nothing mentioned here is unique to women.
Load More Replies...
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