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You can never be sure what’s happening inside someone’s head. Even if you’ve known them for a long time.
A Reddit user named aManFilledWithRegret just shared his story with the platform’s community on r/TrueOffMyChest. He married his college sweetheart when they were still students and the couple had gone through thick and thin together. They had been together for over a decade and, despite his family’s suspicions, the man thought that was only the beginning.
But when he was laid off, he realized it was the end.
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This man loved his wife and made sure she had everything that she needed
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
But when he started making significantly less, their relationship hit the rocks
Eventually, she divorced him
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image source: amanfilledwithregret
The man clearly hasn’t recovered yet
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
The leading reasons for divorce have fluctuated over the years and vary by country, often heavily influenced by cultural beliefs and practices. In Denmark, for example, a 2019 study revealed the top causes were:
- lack of love and intimacy;
- communication problems;
- lack of sympathy, trust, and respect;
- growing apart because of different interests and activities.
A national survey from 2005 remains the most recent large-scale report about the leading causes of divorce in the US. According to this survey, the 12 top reasons for divorce from most to least common are:
- lack of commitment;
- constant arguing or conflict;
- infidelity;
- marrying too young;
- unrealistic expectations about partner or marriage;
- inequality between partners;
- inadequate preparation for marriage;
- domestic violence;
- financial problems;
- conflict about domestic work;
- lack of family support;
- religious differences.
Americans are hesitant to share how much they make with their partners
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
However, more couples might be heading down the same path as aManFilledWithRegret. About 1 in 5 Americans don’t tell anyone how much their salary is, including their spouses or partners, according to a 2018 survey from Aspiration, a California-based financial services firm.
Only 60 percent of women and 52 percent of men share their salaries with their significant others. American adults’ hesitancy to share how much they make can hinder healthy financial growth as a couple, said Andrei Cherny, co-founder and CEO of Aspiration.
“Money has traditionally been a taboo topic in America and people don’t like to discuss it because it makes them uncomfortable,” Cherny told CNBC. “However, this, unfortunately, results in many Americans having limited financial literacy — how are people supposed to learn how to deal with their money in a responsible way if nobody ever wants to talk about it?”
While some people support the man
Many think there might be more to the story
Here’s what the others are saying
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Libstak 2 years ago
This was no gold digger. She was with him when he had nothing but debt and supported him through a health crisis. They were married for 10 years and had 2 children. He is projecting his personal frustrations at her imo. Any marriage of that length would be 50/50 split. I wonder who has custody of the children as he doesn't talk about child support. Did they agree not to do that? If so then how is she a gold digger? She could could have gotten more if she is the primary care giver. Again this is resentment at a failed marriage and excusing his part in that by making it about the money. I want to hear her side, especially about how her disapproving in laws made her feel and treated her.
Seabeast 2 years ago (edited)
He admits that the field of work he got into is "dwindling" - so why did he expend so much time and energy pursuing it?
Jack S 2 years ago
Probably didn't seem like it was dwindling at the time.
Load More Replies... intermezzono1 2 years ago
i thought a gold digger is someone who looks for rich people to be with then romantically. the dude says he wasted 10 years on a woman who only wanted him for his money but that is the complete opposite of what he said before. if you get together when you have nothing and no prospect of having a really high paying job, she is not a Gold digger. it sounds like she grew into that Lifestyle but a Gold diggger doesnt get together with someone who has nothing
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I don't know if this woman sounds like a gold digger to me. I'm sure she got used to a certain lifestyle, and decided to find somebody who could similarly provide for her. But gold-digger feels like a stretch. I had a friend in a much worse situation that this guy. He was in his late 40s when he moved in with his girlfriend. It was her home, the mortgage was in her name, and she had a daughter in middle school. She had a job, but it didn't pay much, so my friend payed the mortgage and other bills, while she put her money into savings in her name alone. He even opened a college plan for her daughter. She was also adamant that they not get married since "why fix something that isn't broken". When my friend told me the situation, I said that something seems really fishy about the situation, and that I hope he was putting money away for himself as well. Anyways, he's in his 50s, single, renting, and has no savings. Her mortgage is paid off though, and daughter went to college.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I don't know if she was a gold-digger either, maybe things legitimately didn't work out for them. They were together for about 10 years, and things happen in a relationship. I just think he was foolish not to protect himself.
Load More Replies... Jack S 2 years ago (edited)
So, just to put this into perspective. Going by what he said, he was in debt when they got together had issues all that stuff. She dropped out of college to plan on being a STHM before he got his high paying job. She then spent all his money on stuff they didn't need. When he got laid off and got a new job that paid less 2 months later she left. That about sums it up right? Oh and it appears she may have been cheating on him but no proof. Sounds to me like she got accustomed to a certain way of living and when she couldn't have that anymore she was done. I wouldn't say she started out a gold digger but it does seem she may have turned into one after getting used to her expensive lifestyle. Baring in mind this is all from the keyboard of one person and we don't know the full story. I'm just saying what it looks like when reading words on a page. Y'all seem to be judging a guy you absolutely nothing about.
Indigocat 2 years ago
Yup. That was my perspective on it after reading through. Seems like she got to enjoying that life of luxury and wasn't about to see if jeopardized. Maybe not a born gold digger but definitely an acquired gold digger.
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 2 years ago
Have you considered that the reason she was spending so much money is her dealing with her own issues. You say you were home for every dinner, but were you actually there emotionally and supportively...or did you check out completely and/or work from home. I think there is more to this than is presented here. I would really like to hear her side of the story.
Apps 2 years ago
That's a solid point. My friend is married to an engineer and the guy used to come from work and go straight to the basement to sit in a lazy boy chair, watch TV and drink a beer. Since the pandemic, he works 7 days a week 10-12 hours chained to his desktop, drinks a pint of vodka or gin and then comes to bed. He spends 5-10 minutes cuddling and then falls asleep. Rinse and repeat.
Load More Replies... Indigocat 2 years ago
Unpopular opinion. She might have been a gold digger. Maybe not a full on gold digger from the start but hear me out. She was with him before the money. Fine. Of course she was happy when he was away at work making serious bank. She enjoyed the cush life that his job provided for her and the kids. As soon as that was threatened, now it's all of a sudden an issue. "I don't think I can do this. We've grown apart." No. What's grown apart is the number of 0's in the bank account. She might not have had the finer things in life starting out but once she did, she found that she enjoyed it and didn't want it jeopardized. It's not hard to see why now she's with a surgeon now who makes six figures. She was an acquired gold digger. Probably going to get -10,000 votes on this but it's just another perspective on the situation. That being said, I do wish OP the best of luck in healing. He got burned big time and that sucks all the way around. Hope he ends up ok.
Allen Packard 2 years ago
I show this kind of stuff to my 4 sons. (16,18,20,22) Run. Stay away from women like this. Find a virtuous woman. If she's into material things, she isn't for you. That type of stuff. Seen way too many guys get hosed.
Mary Rogers 2 years ago
This guy needs to get his family's views out of his head and do some counseling. He is torturing himself by automatically assuming that money was the issue. I have personally found that assuming motives about people just leads to a lot of trouble and conflict. If he really wants to know he should ask his ex (if she us willing to talk) and LISTEN. If that isn't possible then he should just drop it and move on.
millac 1 year ago
Eh, sounds like they had many, many other problems and money was just about the only thing he offered. Only home at dinner, frequently absent for travel, worked a ton of hours, wife obviously unhappy and having an affair, yet she "never complained" to him, (I e. Didn't have any emotional intimacy with the guy.) If money is the only thing you're offering and that dries up, yeah, the other person is going to leave.
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago (edited)
I have two bffs who are pro gold diggers; they do a lot of research and don’t just go with a broke bloke even if he has a promising future ahead. It’s a full time career quite literally
Kaitlyn Lindsay 2 years ago (edited)
These guys who think a SAHM should get nothing make me so mad. Her job was 24/7 and she devoted her life to supporting the husband and kids for a DECADE. She earned that money imo . Sounds like there's def more to this story. He sounds icky to me. :/ Also I wonder if HE changed after having a lower paying job. Like did he turn bitter, or sulking?
Laura Smith 2 years ago
LOL, dude, she showed you you her true colors in the beginning, you just chose to ignore them.
Libstak 2 years ago
This was no gold digger. She was with him when he had nothing but debt and supported him through a health crisis. They were married for 10 years and had 2 children. He is projecting his personal frustrations at her imo. Any marriage of that length would be 50/50 split. I wonder who has custody of the children as he doesn't talk about child support. Did they agree not to do that? If so then how is she a gold digger? She could could have gotten more if she is the primary care giver. Again this is resentment at a failed marriage and excusing his part in that by making it about the money. I want to hear her side, especially about how her disapproving in laws made her feel and treated her.
Seabeast 2 years ago (edited)
He admits that the field of work he got into is "dwindling" - so why did he expend so much time and energy pursuing it?
Jack S 2 years ago
Probably didn't seem like it was dwindling at the time.
Load More Replies... intermezzono1 2 years ago
i thought a gold digger is someone who looks for rich people to be with then romantically. the dude says he wasted 10 years on a woman who only wanted him for his money but that is the complete opposite of what he said before. if you get together when you have nothing and no prospect of having a really high paying job, she is not a Gold digger. it sounds like she grew into that Lifestyle but a Gold diggger doesnt get together with someone who has nothing
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I don't know if this woman sounds like a gold digger to me. I'm sure she got used to a certain lifestyle, and decided to find somebody who could similarly provide for her. But gold-digger feels like a stretch. I had a friend in a much worse situation that this guy. He was in his late 40s when he moved in with his girlfriend. It was her home, the mortgage was in her name, and she had a daughter in middle school. She had a job, but it didn't pay much, so my friend payed the mortgage and other bills, while she put her money into savings in her name alone. He even opened a college plan for her daughter. She was also adamant that they not get married since "why fix something that isn't broken". When my friend told me the situation, I said that something seems really fishy about the situation, and that I hope he was putting money away for himself as well. Anyways, he's in his 50s, single, renting, and has no savings. Her mortgage is paid off though, and daughter went to college.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I don't know if she was a gold-digger either, maybe things legitimately didn't work out for them. They were together for about 10 years, and things happen in a relationship. I just think he was foolish not to protect himself.
Load More Replies... Jack S 2 years ago (edited)
So, just to put this into perspective. Going by what he said, he was in debt when they got together had issues all that stuff. She dropped out of college to plan on being a STHM before he got his high paying job. She then spent all his money on stuff they didn't need. When he got laid off and got a new job that paid less 2 months later she left. That about sums it up right? Oh and it appears she may have been cheating on him but no proof. Sounds to me like she got accustomed to a certain way of living and when she couldn't have that anymore she was done. I wouldn't say she started out a gold digger but it does seem she may have turned into one after getting used to her expensive lifestyle. Baring in mind this is all from the keyboard of one person and we don't know the full story. I'm just saying what it looks like when reading words on a page. Y'all seem to be judging a guy you absolutely nothing about.
Indigocat 2 years ago
Yup. That was my perspective on it after reading through. Seems like she got to enjoying that life of luxury and wasn't about to see if jeopardized. Maybe not a born gold digger but definitely an acquired gold digger.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 2 years ago
Have you considered that the reason she was spending so much money is her dealing with her own issues. You say you were home for every dinner, but were you actually there emotionally and supportively...or did you check out completely and/or work from home. I think there is more to this than is presented here. I would really like to hear her side of the story.
Apps 2 years ago
That's a solid point. My friend is married to an engineer and the guy used to come from work and go straight to the basement to sit in a lazy boy chair, watch TV and drink a beer. Since the pandemic, he works 7 days a week 10-12 hours chained to his desktop, drinks a pint of vodka or gin and then comes to bed. He spends 5-10 minutes cuddling and then falls asleep. Rinse and repeat.
Load More Replies... Indigocat 2 years ago
Unpopular opinion. She might have been a gold digger. Maybe not a full on gold digger from the start but hear me out. She was with him before the money. Fine. Of course she was happy when he was away at work making serious bank. She enjoyed the cush life that his job provided for her and the kids. As soon as that was threatened, now it's all of a sudden an issue. "I don't think I can do this. We've grown apart." No. What's grown apart is the number of 0's in the bank account. She might not have had the finer things in life starting out but once she did, she found that she enjoyed it and didn't want it jeopardized. It's not hard to see why now she's with a surgeon now who makes six figures. She was an acquired gold digger. Probably going to get -10,000 votes on this but it's just another perspective on the situation. That being said, I do wish OP the best of luck in healing. He got burned big time and that sucks all the way around. Hope he ends up ok.
Allen Packard 2 years ago
I show this kind of stuff to my 4 sons. (16,18,20,22) Run. Stay away from women like this. Find a virtuous woman. If she's into material things, she isn't for you. That type of stuff. Seen way too many guys get hosed.
Mary Rogers 2 years ago
This guy needs to get his family's views out of his head and do some counseling. He is torturing himself by automatically assuming that money was the issue. I have personally found that assuming motives about people just leads to a lot of trouble and conflict. If he really wants to know he should ask his ex (if she us willing to talk) and LISTEN. If that isn't possible then he should just drop it and move on.
millac 1 year ago
Eh, sounds like they had many, many other problems and money was just about the only thing he offered. Only home at dinner, frequently absent for travel, worked a ton of hours, wife obviously unhappy and having an affair, yet she "never complained" to him, (I e. Didn't have any emotional intimacy with the guy.) If money is the only thing you're offering and that dries up, yeah, the other person is going to leave.
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago (edited)
I have two bffs who are pro gold diggers; they do a lot of research and don’t just go with a broke bloke even if he has a promising future ahead. It’s a full time career quite literally
Kaitlyn Lindsay 2 years ago (edited)
These guys who think a SAHM should get nothing make me so mad. Her job was 24/7 and she devoted her life to supporting the husband and kids for a DECADE. She earned that money imo . Sounds like there's def more to this story. He sounds icky to me. :/ Also I wonder if HE changed after having a lower paying job. Like did he turn bitter, or sulking?
Laura Smith 2 years ago
LOL, dude, she showed you you her true colors in the beginning, you just chose to ignore them.
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