Husband Refuses To Give Jobless Wife Spending Money, Ignoring The Fact That She Used Her Inheritance Money To Buy Them A House And 2 Cars
One of the most common sources of married couples getting in fights is money. People who have more money or are the only ones working in the family often may still expect both partners to contribute to their common budget equally, even if the less-earning partner takes on more of the other responsibilities.
This man on Reddit was unhappy about his wife not working and didn’t want to fund her hobbies because he didn’t think it was his responsibility, even though she was taking care of their newborn daughter and she used her inheritance money to allow the family to live comfortably.
More info: Reddit
Woman spent her entire inheritance to improve her and her husband’s lives now that she became a SAHM, but he still thinks she should earn money for herself
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) and his wife had been working full-time jobs and earned low-middle income up until their daughter was born, when the wife took her maternity leave. And even though the pregnancy and giving birth negatively impacted her mental and physical health, she returned to work 3 months later out of necessity.
Another 3 months passed and the wife lost her grandma, who was her only family and pretty much raised her. She left her granddaughter a big inheritance, which allowed the family to buy a house instantly, two cars, and there was more left to invest to have extra money for retirement.
Even though the family was living in a new house and didn’t have a burden of debt, the wife was struggling mentally and was having troubles at work, so she decided to be a stay-at-home mom.
The OP’s wife started going to work again after she gave birth to their daughter, but when her grandmother died, she left due to physical and metal health issues
Image credits: throwaway3048172
The OP was resentful that his wife is not working because he would have liked to be a stay-at-home-dad as well instead of working 36 hours a week. He expressed his dissatisfaction when his wife brought up budgeting and solutions for them to all live off of his salary alone as he didn’t like the idea of giving money to his wife for her own enjoyment like clothes, haircuts and gym.
He is already the only one paying for the bills and food, so he doesn’t think that caring for his wife is his responsibility, although he doesn’t have a problem of buying things for his daughter, at least. Even after his wife explained that her inheritance is bigger than the amount of money he will earn from his job in his whole life, the OP needs confirmations from others that his wife isn’t asking for much.
When the grandmother died, she left a lot of money that covered the OP’s house, two cars and there was some left for retirement, so their finances were stable
Image credits: throwaway3048172
You could say that receiving an inheritance while you are married to someone is both a blessing and a curse. According to The Wall Street Journal, the most common things couples fight over is how the inheritance should be used, if it can be put aside for children from previous marriages and what will happen to it in the case of a divorce or death.
It seems that the couple in the story didn’t have a problem deciding what to do with the money and where it should go, but whether it was enough to justify the wife not having a job and staying at home looking after their baby.
People in the comments quickly came to the OP’s wife’s defense and considered him ungrateful for his wife using her own inheritance to improve their whole family’s lives and he is saying that the money he earned is just his own.
Redditors also had a problem with the OP telling his wife to shop only secondhand and find people to do her favors for free as it is demeaning and it’s almost saying that she is worthless. And even if she didn’t have that inheritance, she has been taking care of their baby, which is already a full-time job.
But the OP thought it was unfair that he is the only one working and didn’t think it was his responsibility to pay for his wife’s hobbies or clothes
Image credits: throwaway3048172
They assumed the wife did the cleaning and cooking as well, so the 36 hours the husband was working in a week didn’t seem that bad considering how much time and energy such a lifestyle takes.
A study commissioned by Welch’s Grape Fruit Juice in 2017 revealed that women who decide not to work and take care of their house and baby spend 98 hours a week on their duties. And if you consider a standard work week consisting of 40 hours, being a mom equals to 2 full-time jobs without weekends or holidays, without a possibility to take a day off.
Salary.com took some of the duties a mom does such as accountant, bookkeeper, educator, dietitian, janitor, laundry manager, psychologist, tailor and others to try to calculate how much a mom would earn if she were paid for her work of just staying at home and managing her house and children.
According to their estimate, the medium annual salary of a stay-at-home mom would have been over $162k a year in 2018. So saying that they are not pulling their weight is a complete lie. In this particular case we should also remember that the OP’s wife has a disability and she didn’t keep all of the inheritance money for herself.
Despite the fact that the inheritance the wife invested in both of their lives is bigger than the amount he will ever earn in his life
Image credits: throwaway3048172
Image credits: denisbin (not the actual photo)
For these reasons, people in the comments deemed the OP to be a jerk and a very inconsiderate husband who doesn’t deserve the car and the home that he received with the retirement money he will get to have a comfortable end of life.
We would like to know what your thoughts are and if you think the husband has a right to require his wife to work to have money because he will not be giving her any. Would you think the same if the wife hadn’t received an inheritance and shared it with the husband? Let us know in the comments!
Redditors couldn’t console the OP and tell him that he’s right because they believed he was mistreating his wife and didn’t value his child’s mom
I'd immediately begin to charge this person half of a reasonable rent and their half of a car payment. Then I'd have my rec money
If this account is accurate, we still only have his side of the story. The situation might actually be something entirely different. I think the husband feels very inadequate & he's jealous of his wife & the good fortune that fell her way. Still, he's happy as long as her inheritance benefits him in the form of a new home, new cars, & new investments but he's not happy that his wife wants to use HIS income for personal items. This is a very troubling scenario because it says that the husband views his wife's money as THEIR money but the income HE makes is HIS money & only he gets to decide how to use it. His excuse for not sharing HIS money with HIS wife is that it somehow has more value because he "earned it." A dollar that's "earned" buys the exact same thing that a "free" dollar buys. What he's really saying is that he doesn't see his wife as an equal partner in their marriage. He thinks his wife & his child are HIS possessions, which they are not.
He very much reminds me of "What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine"
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He's not exactly working his fingers to the bone, he works 36hrs which will give him a lot of time off work. If he was working 60+ hours I could understand why he was feeling a bit hard done by. However, he has a nice house (no mortgage) a car (no car payments) which his wife could have chosen not to buy them and simply use HER inheritance to retire early. He doesn't seem like he wants to be in a supportive, loving relationship which is a real partnership. It shouldn't be my money and your money it should be our money, especially since they have a daughter and the wife is mildly disabled.
The part about the 36 hours cracked me up! That's not even considered full time! What a maroon!
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I'd immediately begin to charge this person half of a reasonable rent and their half of a car payment. Then I'd have my rec money
If this account is accurate, we still only have his side of the story. The situation might actually be something entirely different. I think the husband feels very inadequate & he's jealous of his wife & the good fortune that fell her way. Still, he's happy as long as her inheritance benefits him in the form of a new home, new cars, & new investments but he's not happy that his wife wants to use HIS income for personal items. This is a very troubling scenario because it says that the husband views his wife's money as THEIR money but the income HE makes is HIS money & only he gets to decide how to use it. His excuse for not sharing HIS money with HIS wife is that it somehow has more value because he "earned it." A dollar that's "earned" buys the exact same thing that a "free" dollar buys. What he's really saying is that he doesn't see his wife as an equal partner in their marriage. He thinks his wife & his child are HIS possessions, which they are not.
He very much reminds me of "What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine"
Load More Replies... He's not exactly working his fingers to the bone, he works 36hrs which will give him a lot of time off work. If he was working 60+ hours I could understand why he was feeling a bit hard done by. However, he has a nice house (no mortgage) a car (no car payments) which his wife could have chosen not to buy them and simply use HER inheritance to retire early. He doesn't seem like he wants to be in a supportive, loving relationship which is a real partnership. It shouldn't be my money and your money it should be our money, especially since they have a daughter and the wife is mildly disabled.
The part about the 36 hours cracked me up! That's not even considered full time! What a maroon!
Load More Replies...
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