Husband’s Nagging Wife Over “Stupid Buy” Of A Blender Has Her Rethinking The Entire Marriage
InterviewAll couples fight for many different reasons, whether your partner left a dirty plate on the table, or didn’t fix that shelf that was promised, took too much time getting ready or simply bought something that you believe was not necessary and just a waste of money. However, it’s also important to understand that some things that may look useless to you are necessary or useful for your partner.
On that note, one Reddit user shared her story online asking if she was in the wrong in this situation after she bought a blender and kept hearing her husband’s complaints that this purchase was just a waste of money. Well, after she’d had enough, she simply didn’t share food made with it with her husband. And as the author shared in the end, this post made her question her marriage.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes small things may lead to big arguments and not-so happy endings
Image credits: Mike Jones (not the actual photo)
Woman buys herself a nice blender, husband is mad that she spent $125 for it
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
This annoyed the woman as she used her ‘fun’ money for the blender and every time she would use it, comments from her husband were unavoidable
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Then she finally had enough and simply decided to not give her husband any of the food that was made using the blender
Image credits: u/Commercial-Ticket860
The whole situation caused a big argument between the couple and she shares that it made her really start thinking about her marriage
One Reddit user took her story online asking one of the most judgmental communities if she was indeed being a jerk for not giving her husband food that was made with a blender that he was so mad about her buying. The post received a lot of attention and collected over 8.5K upvotes and almost 1.5K comments.
The woman starts her story by sharing that she bought herself a nice blender. But the main issue is that her husband was mad about this purchase as it was $125. His reaction annoyed OP as she used her fun money and it’s a household tool, even if he won’t be using it. Every time she took out her blender, her husband’s comments that it’s a stupid buy followed.
But one day she finally had enough. She made soup using her blender, and because of his constant comments that it’s a ‘stupid blender’, she told him he wouldn’t get any food made with it. This caused a heated argument and the woman was called a petty jerk. However, in the end of the post, OP shared that it made her question her whole marriage.
Community members gave the author the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge and discussed that $125 for a blender is not a lot. “$125 is very reasonable for a blender! My vitamix was over $500,” one user wrote. “I’m also amazed that she bought this with her fun money when it’s a staple household item. Seriously, what kind of man makes his wife use her fun money to buy a blender?” another added.
Image credits: Yaroslav Shuraev (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Luis Maimoni, LMFT, who is a marriage and family therapist. He kindly agreed to share his insights regarding this story, conflicts, boundaries for personal spending and how to find a healthy balance.
“It’s clear that the husband and wife have escalated this difference over spending way out of proportion. The $125 purchase may send them to counseling, which is a considerably more expensive proposition,” Luis states.
He adds that this argument is not about money. As with most couples fighting over money, they are fighting over power. And the healthy way to address this dispute is to stop and ask themselves “What the hell is happening here? What are we doing?” Luis shares that ideally, this would transition to a discussion of values and while many couples will descend into an argument, successful couples will use the difference to learn more about each other’s values.
Now, speaking about situations in which behaviors are out of proportion to the dispute, the therapist emphasizes that it often signals that the fight is a “proxy” for another, larger issue in the relationship. In this situation, it will do the couple no good to argue over blender spending. They need to figure out what they’re actually fighting over.
Additionally, creating boundaries around personal spending can help gain clarity around expectations about spending, thereby avoiding arguments like in this story. This is particularly important where there is a disparity in incomes.
And finally, as for how couples can find a healthy balance, Luis highlights that in relationships, as in everywhere, money is power. And negotiating about money is negotiating about power.
“I would explore the power differential in other parts of the relationship. There is no one way to divide money or power in a couple. The important thing is for the arrangements to be safe, sane, and consensual,” he shares. “Most commonly, a couple enters a relationship with understandings of customs around money and power based on family of origin. Problems arise because these understandings are unseen, values are not stated, and differences are unknown until the differing approaches are put into practice.”
And as Dr. John Gottman observes – “all couples have disagreements, and that some of the disagreements can be quite significant. The difference between successful and unsuccessful couples isn’t that there are disagreements – it is in how the couple handles the disagreements.”
So guys, what do you think about this story? Do you think this wife overstepped by not sharing food with her husband, or was her husband wrong for constant remarks about the blender being a waste? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors backed the woman up in this situation and discussed that her husband is in the wrong
I'm sure there's something in the house he spent more on than that, and uses far less, if at all. Find that, and put it on display in the living room.
"I've spent far more than $125 on you over the years and you're far noisier than the blender while providing nothing of value. Would you like to continue discussing the tracking of Worst Decisions I Ever Made In My Life or can we call this game over?"
Load More Replies...I have a spouse who used to get unreasonably angry at purchases or anything really that he thinks is a waste. I used get afraid and allow that to stop me from enjoying the things that I and the kids enjoyed. Then I realized that his issues were making our world very small and I just stopped caring what he thought or said. When I tell him how he used to act he doesn't accept that it was "that bad". It was.
I'm so happy he saw the error of his ways. Some people are incredibly incapable of change.
Load More Replies...My husband did that one time, then I explained that he uses his "fun money" on things solely for himself, while I use mine for things that contribute to the family, house, etc. I told him I’ll just stop doing that and start using the money on myself instead…after all, I haven’t been to a hair salon in over a decade, or bought the "good makeup", "good clothes", "good toiletries", etc our entire marriage to save us tons of money. He got quiet quick! He didn’t even know I made those sacrifices. Now he gives me money randomly and tells me to spend it on only me <3
A listener is a keeper. My husband would call dibs on using the blender - "I found a recipe for Belgian turnip soup."
Load More Replies...If this (relatively small) issue makes you question your marriage, the marriage wasnt great in the first place.
Making one comment is relatively small. Harping on it every time he sees it and other purchases isn’t small. It’s controlling and that’s a huge red flag
Load More Replies...Yep. We don't know what it is, and it seems like he probably doesn't, either. But it's definitely more than the blender.
Load More Replies...Wow. What a jerk. Some people get jealous if their partner has ANYTHING in their life outside of the marriage. Sounds like he sees his wife as a direct extension of himself and is jealous and pissed she went out and bought something specifically for herself that he has no part of. And I don't think he wants to reap the benefits. I think he wants to try whatever she makes in it so he can choke and cause a scene saying it tastes like s**t, what a waste of money. He just wants another chance to tell her how stupid it is. Wonder if he will stop bitching once the days on the return policy has passed.
When my wife and I were young, we used to buy frozen drink mixes: pina colada, strawberry daiquiri, margarita mix. We weren't drinkers, so we never added alcohol. They were basically slushies. We'd go to blockbuster video, rent about six movies and stay up all night drinking fruity drinks and watching movies. I ran the blender. I can't imagine not having a good blender.
Same. I use mine every single day. I usually kill one every 1-2 years no matter how much I spend on them. I just started using a vintage one that used to be my grandmothers, I’m hoping it will hold out longer than the newer ones.
Load More Replies...She's using her money on a kitchen necessity, and he wants to whinge. Wonder what he spends his fun money on.
Or she does and multiple other wastes of money and that is why the dude is angry at a seemingly random blender?
Load More Replies...Divorce him, and make sure you get the blender. It's far more valuable than he is.
It's only a waste if you don't use the blender often. If you're using it every day while he's at work, tell him that. "You know, I use this blender at least five times a week, and I enjoy using it every time. Even if I only use this blender for a year, it will have cost me $2.40 a week. That's a cup of coffee. Not even a fancy one. Are you telling me you don't spend $2.40 of your fun money on something you like once a week?"
Value items by usage. Ok it's a $125 blender. Will you use it 125x's? Then it's a buck a blend. (Ha ha) And make something so marvelous with it and don't share it. Yea ur money ur stuff.
sounds like you already have a bad marriage and this is just another item in it. If all it takes is a blender to break you guys apart, then you are both doing bad at marriage
My husband complained about my custom Renaissance faire boots $800). Meanwhile he bought a $1200 bike, $200 clothing (shirt and padded pants, special clips for pedals, special sneakers for the clips. He rode the bike 3 times. Meanwhile I’ve had my boots since 2004 and wear them for Spring and Fall faires and all winter. He finally did stop complaining about the boots.
If my husband had dared to do so, I would have put the blender away somewhere he couldn't see it, and asked him to do what the blender should have done himself. By hand! And waited for him to ask, if I couldn't use the blender.
My word.. if I even mention a kitchen gadget to himself he only goes and orders it for me lol I have two air fryers, rice maker, blenders galore, coffee machine all singing one, sausage maker, sous vid shrinker, etc! It's got to the stage I won't mention anything about more machines as I have no room to put them... mind you I wouldn't mind a good mixer for baking ;) I'm 66yr old ffs and guess what he's bought me for Christmas... a gorgeous foot spa.. love that man :)
Stories like this are so needless on this site. Especially when they’re clearly so one sided. We have so very little information to go on, and we’re only hearing one side of the story, from a person who is feeling victimized. In reality we don’t know if this woman spends money recklessly on random junk and maybe the blender was the final straw. We don’t any any idea of the actual narrative or what this couple’s relationship is about. It seems odd to pit people against each other, even their spouses, without being able to hear an even case. There’s just no balance here and it’s really silly that so many people feel that they can make such harsh judgements based on such a small amount of information that may not even be factual. Welcome to the internet, I guess?
I do believe the blender is NOT the issue here. The issue is control. You both had your own accounts for "fun money." Wonderful. He probably has spent his the instant it has gone into his account, but you didn't know about it, nor did you care. You were smart enough to save up your money and buy a nice blender with it. Hubby suddenly realizes that you've actually spent your money! He won't stop going on about it because he needs to have a say in what you buy. Nope. Tell him it's coming close to a showdown in your marriage, and if it comes to you keeping him or the blender, you'll be keeping the blender.
The question is "What process have she and her husband agreed on for making purchases of this type?" It's as much a matter of respect as money.
I'm sure there's something in the house he spent more on than that, and uses far less, if at all. Find that, and put it on display in the living room.
"I've spent far more than $125 on you over the years and you're far noisier than the blender while providing nothing of value. Would you like to continue discussing the tracking of Worst Decisions I Ever Made In My Life or can we call this game over?"
Load More Replies...I have a spouse who used to get unreasonably angry at purchases or anything really that he thinks is a waste. I used get afraid and allow that to stop me from enjoying the things that I and the kids enjoyed. Then I realized that his issues were making our world very small and I just stopped caring what he thought or said. When I tell him how he used to act he doesn't accept that it was "that bad". It was.
I'm so happy he saw the error of his ways. Some people are incredibly incapable of change.
Load More Replies...My husband did that one time, then I explained that he uses his "fun money" on things solely for himself, while I use mine for things that contribute to the family, house, etc. I told him I’ll just stop doing that and start using the money on myself instead…after all, I haven’t been to a hair salon in over a decade, or bought the "good makeup", "good clothes", "good toiletries", etc our entire marriage to save us tons of money. He got quiet quick! He didn’t even know I made those sacrifices. Now he gives me money randomly and tells me to spend it on only me <3
A listener is a keeper. My husband would call dibs on using the blender - "I found a recipe for Belgian turnip soup."
Load More Replies...If this (relatively small) issue makes you question your marriage, the marriage wasnt great in the first place.
Making one comment is relatively small. Harping on it every time he sees it and other purchases isn’t small. It’s controlling and that’s a huge red flag
Load More Replies...Yep. We don't know what it is, and it seems like he probably doesn't, either. But it's definitely more than the blender.
Load More Replies...Wow. What a jerk. Some people get jealous if their partner has ANYTHING in their life outside of the marriage. Sounds like he sees his wife as a direct extension of himself and is jealous and pissed she went out and bought something specifically for herself that he has no part of. And I don't think he wants to reap the benefits. I think he wants to try whatever she makes in it so he can choke and cause a scene saying it tastes like s**t, what a waste of money. He just wants another chance to tell her how stupid it is. Wonder if he will stop bitching once the days on the return policy has passed.
When my wife and I were young, we used to buy frozen drink mixes: pina colada, strawberry daiquiri, margarita mix. We weren't drinkers, so we never added alcohol. They were basically slushies. We'd go to blockbuster video, rent about six movies and stay up all night drinking fruity drinks and watching movies. I ran the blender. I can't imagine not having a good blender.
Same. I use mine every single day. I usually kill one every 1-2 years no matter how much I spend on them. I just started using a vintage one that used to be my grandmothers, I’m hoping it will hold out longer than the newer ones.
Load More Replies...She's using her money on a kitchen necessity, and he wants to whinge. Wonder what he spends his fun money on.
Or she does and multiple other wastes of money and that is why the dude is angry at a seemingly random blender?
Load More Replies...Divorce him, and make sure you get the blender. It's far more valuable than he is.
It's only a waste if you don't use the blender often. If you're using it every day while he's at work, tell him that. "You know, I use this blender at least five times a week, and I enjoy using it every time. Even if I only use this blender for a year, it will have cost me $2.40 a week. That's a cup of coffee. Not even a fancy one. Are you telling me you don't spend $2.40 of your fun money on something you like once a week?"
Value items by usage. Ok it's a $125 blender. Will you use it 125x's? Then it's a buck a blend. (Ha ha) And make something so marvelous with it and don't share it. Yea ur money ur stuff.
sounds like you already have a bad marriage and this is just another item in it. If all it takes is a blender to break you guys apart, then you are both doing bad at marriage
My husband complained about my custom Renaissance faire boots $800). Meanwhile he bought a $1200 bike, $200 clothing (shirt and padded pants, special clips for pedals, special sneakers for the clips. He rode the bike 3 times. Meanwhile I’ve had my boots since 2004 and wear them for Spring and Fall faires and all winter. He finally did stop complaining about the boots.
If my husband had dared to do so, I would have put the blender away somewhere he couldn't see it, and asked him to do what the blender should have done himself. By hand! And waited for him to ask, if I couldn't use the blender.
My word.. if I even mention a kitchen gadget to himself he only goes and orders it for me lol I have two air fryers, rice maker, blenders galore, coffee machine all singing one, sausage maker, sous vid shrinker, etc! It's got to the stage I won't mention anything about more machines as I have no room to put them... mind you I wouldn't mind a good mixer for baking ;) I'm 66yr old ffs and guess what he's bought me for Christmas... a gorgeous foot spa.. love that man :)
Stories like this are so needless on this site. Especially when they’re clearly so one sided. We have so very little information to go on, and we’re only hearing one side of the story, from a person who is feeling victimized. In reality we don’t know if this woman spends money recklessly on random junk and maybe the blender was the final straw. We don’t any any idea of the actual narrative or what this couple’s relationship is about. It seems odd to pit people against each other, even their spouses, without being able to hear an even case. There’s just no balance here and it’s really silly that so many people feel that they can make such harsh judgements based on such a small amount of information that may not even be factual. Welcome to the internet, I guess?
I do believe the blender is NOT the issue here. The issue is control. You both had your own accounts for "fun money." Wonderful. He probably has spent his the instant it has gone into his account, but you didn't know about it, nor did you care. You were smart enough to save up your money and buy a nice blender with it. Hubby suddenly realizes that you've actually spent your money! He won't stop going on about it because he needs to have a say in what you buy. Nope. Tell him it's coming close to a showdown in your marriage, and if it comes to you keeping him or the blender, you'll be keeping the blender.
The question is "What process have she and her husband agreed on for making purchases of this type?" It's as much a matter of respect as money.
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