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Man Jumps Straight To Divorce The Day His Wife Secretly Quits Her Job To Be A SAHM
Interview With ExpertFor many of us, selecting a life partner may be an exciting yet uncertain process. You’re not just looking for someone who shares your values and interests; you’re also looking for someone who you can go through the highs and lows of life with. So when you find that person, life feels happy and complete.
Over time, perspectives can shift, leading to situations where you may not always see eye to eye with your partner on every decision. For instance, a man turned to the internet for advice after his wife decided to quit her job to become a stay-at-home mother. Keep reading to see how the author’s wife used good food and other tactics to gain his support before secretly quitting her job. Below, you will find our interview with Adv. Isha Pincha, where she discusses the legal process of separation.
RELATED:
You might not always agree with your partner, but it’s important to reach an understanding
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / pexels (not the actual photo)
A man shared that he was contemplating divorce after his wife secretly quit her job to become a “tradwife”
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image source: Organic_Let_5948
Marriage thrives on effective communication between couples
Image credits: Маргарита Архангельская / pexels (not the actual photo)
Marriage is a lifelong commitment that creates a personal and legal connection between two people. As a couple, individuals need to align their priorities to make well-rounded decisions about their future. For instance, before making any life-altering decisions, you should have a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner.
However, it’s possible that your better half might not agree with your choices, and you end up fighting. When such arguments become irreconcilable, relationships break down and, in the worst situations, end in divorce. But calling it quits on a marriage is not a small thing.
To understand the intricacies of divorce proceedings, Bored Panda spoke with Adv. Isha Pincha, a family and matrimonial advocate. She graciously offered to share her expertise with us.
It’s a common misconception that you can simply split up with your spouse by signing a piece of paper, but this is untrue. Isha, who practices law in India, believes that people from rural areas often don’t know much about legal proceedings. She says, “We meet many clients who say they have stamp paper duly signed by husband and wife; they believe it’s a divorce paper. This is not their fault, of course. We don’t expect a layman to understand the law and procedure.”
Marriage dissolution processes vary significantly across the globe. They are influenced by distinct legal frameworks and cultural practices. Isha further highlights the persistent stigma surrounding divorce: “Divorce is often viewed as a personal failure, and in many countries, it continues to carry a stigma or be seen as abnormal. However, it’s a common life transition, akin to moving or changing jobs, and it should be accepted as a natural part of life’s journey.”
Couples often benefit from a mandated cooling-off period before finalizing a divorce
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
She believes that, contrary to the popular belief that children are always devastated by divorce, they might thrive with co-parenting and support. Talking about the actual process, she mentions that after filing for divorce, couples usually have to undergo a mandated cooling-off period. The purpose of this period is to help reduce impulsive decisions and encourage thoughtful consideration of the emotional and practical implications of divorce.
“When we try to do counseling for both spouses, it is sometimes a failure. There are people who don’t understand the happiness of letting go of egos and giving their marriage a new try.”
After self-reflection, a couple might reconcile due to various factors
Image credits: Timur Weber / pexels (not the actual photo)
Isha even spoke about the reasons why couples get back together after nasty fights. “The factors that contribute to reconciliation in relationships include realizing the value of the partnership, engaging in effective communication, taking time for self-reflection on personal contributions to problems, and considering external factors such as financial stress or health issues.”
Couples going through a separation, however, frequently feel a wide range of contradictory feelings. They may be confident in their choice to split up, but they may also be experiencing conflicting emotions of doubt, melancholy, and uncertainty. It can be especially difficult to manage the process of separation and its aftermath because of this emotional ambivalence.
“To handle mixed feelings during the cooling-off period, one should take time to explore their feelings and options. Remember, every situation is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to divorce or reconciliation. Prioritize your well-being and seek support.”
In this particular case, the author didn’t agree with his wife’s choice to transition from a working professional to a stay-at-home parent. After threatening her with a divorce, the husband couldn’t imagine his life without his wife. This shows the importance of couples taking time to cool off after conflicts. The space allows them to reflect and make thoughtful decisions. What are your thoughts on this situation? Tell us in the comments below.
Many people felt the author’s wife was being manipulative, while a few thought they simply weren’t a compatible couple
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What do you think ?
Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
There’s a word for those who offer sex in exchange for favors. Use that word in court
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
Seriously. And the idiot YTA talking about "have fun paying alimony". That's not how it works in real life when one partner unilaterally quits their day job, forcing the issue of a divorce. They don't then get to demand the partner they screwed over pays for their lifestyle ANYWAYS. Any reasonable judge would take one look at this case and give full custody to Dad with a stable job and head on straight, over Mom who blows up her life on TikTok whims and trades blowjobs for brownie points.
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Roman Spruce 1 year ago
Cut up all her cards and change the bank passwords. If she wants to be lazy at home, she can be completely reliant on OP.
Caro Caro 1 year ago
And every meal made from scratch. Home baked bread, knitted sweaters, sew kids clothes, have a veggie patch.
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Caro Caro 1 year ago
UPDATE 1 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c78klu/update_aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with_divorce/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button UPDATE 2 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cg27k1/final_update_aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with/
Debbie 1 year ago
I hope he is ok. His kids might be angry or upset now, but that can change.
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R Dennis 1 year ago
The only reason ESH is because he blew off his kids. That is unacceptable. He didn't have to abandon his kids to take a stand or decide that the marriage isn't working. My wife and I went through a rough patch and considered divorce. I moved out. But I still took my stepkids to school, helped them with homework, and made them dinner - the issues we had weren't about them. They are in their 30s now and we occasionally talk about how weird it was at that time, but they never felt like they were the issue (they weren't).
Becca not Becky 1 year ago
Exactly. Ditching the manipulative wife is justifiable but the kids are innocent and won't understand why their dad just up and left one day without saying a word.
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Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Well, if she wants to be a tradwife, put her on a tight allowance for food and clothing, inspect the bills every single month, make sure she buys the kids supplies for school, and inspect the house every day when you come home from work. That's how tradwives are treated, isn't it? No money of their own, no freedom, you don't get to buy anything without hubby's permission, you don't need a second car since she doesn't work, and any uber money comes out of her allowance.
Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
Let her know you will pay for bills/groceries and children expenses. She wants anything, haircut, getting nails done, make up etc she needs to find away to pay for it because you won't.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
Seriously this would have been the more mature route to go. Give her what she wants but in a way where she realizes it's not a party where you wear a 50 style dress well cooking cookies all day. In fact he should probably have just stayed at his 80% time, and the money that they lost from her not working just simply disappeared causing a tighter budget.
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Id row 1 year ago
How stupid is that woman? 40% of marriages end in divorce and then what is she going to do? Tell the landlord they're not getting the rent and to get over it? Why anyone would depend 100% on another person for their survival is just bizarre.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
She's a lazy s***k. She's offering BJs for what amounts to a household allowance. There's a word for that and she is one.
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MR 1 year ago
NTA. SAHP is a two yes, one no decision. Both partners need to be on board. I don't gaf if she didn't want to work anymore and wanted to play house instead. That's a want and one an adult doesn't get to make without agreement and consequences. He didn't agree to it. And her behavior from treating him poorly in an effort to manipulate him is disgusting. He needs to speak to his kids and make that right. Everyone else, his parents included, can pound sand. And yes, get the divorce. There's no reconciliation with someone who acts the way she did. She could get her job back and recant, but she's already shown a willingness to act this way. If it doesn't work for this, she'll test his boundaries over and over again for other things. To say nothing of a willingness to be vindictive.
Manuela Langer 1 year ago
If she wants to be a tradwife, she also has to obey her husband in everything. But apparently she just wants a lazy lifestyle without working...
Steve Hall 1 year ago
I made sure that my wife understoos that both of us would work until we were old enough to retire. I will not ever financially support a healthy adult.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
And she appeared to agree to that for the first 12 years of their relationship. I wonder what changed?
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Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
Anyone start to question things at "unlimited blowjobs"? I mean, one would have to stop and think at that point, surely?
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
No they wouldn't because it's a lie. First time you ask and you'll get the, "we can't do that here we're at a PTA meeting!" Bull honky
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Katherine Minchin 1 year ago
Putting aside cultural ideas of "women belong in the home" - in the Western world women have *always worked*. (I suspect that they have outside the Western world as well.) Very few families have had the resources - financial and otherwise - for women not to be earning; even if the jobs they were doing paid much less than men. For this particular story though, I always wonder if women who want to be SAHM mothers have any thought regarding what would happen if things go wrong. Sure, they might be able to live pay check to pay check, but do they also have enough money to save for retirement? Or even just a rainy day fund? You can't live off credit cards forever. Sometimes I understand that the money earned by one parent may be better lost to save on childcare costs. Sometimes one parent can't work for health reasons. But in this story it seems that the woman has just fallen in love with the Trad Wife Tik Tok imagery; and hasn't actually thought things beyond the next couple of years.
Leigh Kinnaird 1 year ago
Many states are doing away with alimony in favour of clean breaks as the former clogs up the courts when one person's circumstances change and they have to go to court to adjust. Both parties are expected to support themselves. I'd see a lawyer now especially as there's no precedent for her having been a SAHP and both kids are in school. Starting point for custody is often 50/50 with no child support being required.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
Every state is different, but many of them 50/50 custody can still have child support if the incomes are very different. Also sometimes a child support is to cover things like daycare. It's actually kind of hard to split some bills like they care and health care between two split parties. For example the daycares generally won't take half payment from one person and a half payment from the other, and really vindictive spouse's can get back at somebody by just not paying their share. So for example my ex has a small amount of child care even though we made almost the exact amount. I pay the child care and the co-payments after insurance he gives me a monthly child support amount. It pretty much equals out (In fact on the calculation paper for my state the amount that were used to determine what he paid was basically what half of the child care and yearly expenses for medical divided by 12 were).
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Louise Brown 1 year ago
Honestly, again, the esh and yta folks are mental. That one esh person who said it was his own fault coz his wife told him what she wanted and he said no, so it was the same thing. She literally told him she couldn't be arsed working, and wanted him to basically fund their entire life. I feel like he gets a f*****g say in that decision! I feel like a really lot of us would love to not work, have everything paid for and have unlimited free time to do absolutely nothing but we live in the real world where, for the vast majority of us, that's not a realistic option. So we suck it up and go to bloody work! She already only works part time!
R F. 1 year ago
I say go ahead with the divorce. It’s extreme, but the relationships with my kids improved dramatically by getting rid of the SAH Drama Momma. She was the problem. Poisoning every little interaction, s******g on every idea, “misunderstandings” that never occur when its about her, “forgetting” every time a kid needed her to do something for them (sign up for volleyball, change classes at school, etc.). The idea of having a woman in my life who changes our household so dramatically based on the current popular musings displayed by her TikTok algorithm sounds like Hell to me.
Je souhaite 1 year ago
She sounds like a lazy cow better to divorce now before she pumps out 10 more kids with all that free time she's having
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
I'll cook and give you BJs. You'll get over it (!) You're married to a lazy s***k. Hire the most cut-throat divorce attorney you can find. Use this scenario to demonstrate that she's an unfit parent and sue for sole custody. Leave her poor, broken, and alone. FAFO
Jenny Mason 1 year ago
This seems like one of the pretty obvious bullshít stories that Reddit is infamous for.
Lindsay A 1 year ago
I hate it when the poll doesn't have an option I would chose! He's an a*****e for leaving his kids. She's an a*****e for just quitting and expecting him to deal. They should have kept communicating instead of him just saying 'no' to what she wanted. Enough talking would have eventually led to a compromise and if they couldn't do it alone? Counciling. Only innocents are the children
Aelin Wildfire 1 year ago (edited)
She is a HORRIBLE PERSON for the way she acted. Full stop. And that alone was worthy of divorce. But I have to wonder: why did he say no in the first place? It sounds like there would have been no major negative effects on him or the family if he'd agreed to it, so I don't understand why he was so strongly opposed to it. Did they have debts of some kind? Were they using all their income to the fullest every month? Do they have a hefty amount of savings that's just sitting in the bank, because they earn so much more than they spend every month? If it's the latter, I don't blame her for not wanting to work, especially if he earns more per hour than she does (and the post said he's already doing more of the work anyway). Working - earning money - is not people's purpose in life, and if you're ever in a position where you can SAFELY get by without working, it's not a bad thing to want to stay home and just...live your life. But again, the WAY she went about it was completely repugnant....
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
The arrangement worked well for 12 years. Why change it?
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blinkaoa187 1 year ago
While I don't support the wife's decision to unilaterally quit her job without telling her husband, it is pretty clear that he seemed to have decided that even though she wanted to be a SAHM, his decision that she couldn't do that was more important than her wishes. Such a decision should absolutely be a mutual one and she shouldn't have unilaterally decided to force the issue, but on the flip side, he was forcing the issue as well. Clearly they were at a place where they both wanted different things and she should have let him know before quitting that not being able to be a SAHM was a deal-breaker for her and then he could decide if it was a deal-breaker for him. I don't want anyone to think I approve of her attempts to manipulate him, but if they can't find a way for both to be happy together, splitting up might be the right decision in the end.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
But they had a mutually agreed upon structure for their relationship/marriage - they both work. The kids had a parent at home every day but Wednesday. This worked for 12 years. She repeatedly floated the trial baloon of being a SAHM + Chief BJ-giver and he vetoed (both parties get a veto on questions like this). She quit her job, anyway. I guess he won't "get over it"? She deserves whatever she gets. She's shown that she is capable of employment that would support herself. Alimony will be minimal; maybe $0.
Load More Replies... weatherwitch 1 year ago
What strikes me in this, is that he Immediately gave up on his parenting. His son left a voice mail in which he was crying, therefore daddy didn't bother to answer the phone to his Child. Daddy didn't bother to ring him back either, but will pop over at the weekend, sometime.... I'd say there's a lot more to this than meets the eye, he used you'll get over it to her countless times then three the dummy out when she did it back. They Need marital counselling and perhaps talking to someone from within their culture, especially after I saw the comment on traditional Muslim roles. That will seem very poor to others, there is a lot going on that is also cultural too. We can't judge it when money grabbing western lifestyles is all we know now...
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
I chose he overreacted but only as regarding the children. He should not have abandoned them as well. Also if he later tries to see joint custody it'll be harder to achieve it if he basically walked out of their life completely. To not have even talk to them on the phone in this amount of time is ridiculous! He can be in the same house and still draw that line of separation and start filing. He just needs to sleep in a different room. That or he needs to stay with the children full time and have her go to her mom's house. I'm with the one poster though as far as the religion, if she is more devout and that was pre-existing then that changes the dynamic as well. But if they're both pretty secular then there's no reason for her to be so pushy about being stay at home. (The time for that was 10 years ago when the babies were babies).
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
So do you (and everyone else) ignore that "they both work" was mutually agreeable to both of them for 12 years?
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Cassandra Zumstein 1 year ago
I wonder if people would be so quick to judge if they knew her husband had her do all the childcare, errands, meal preparation and housework. Is it possible she was at her wit’s end? Granted, a unilateral approach is not the way to go, but it sounds to me as though it was either that or asking for a divorce from her husband outright. In any event, I’m sure it’s likely more complicated than it appears, and we are given just one side of the story.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
Even if that's true she was at 50% part-time so she could ask for either a reduction in her work hours, money to spend on a house cleaner, or for him to pick up some of the chores. It doesn't seem like any of that was mentioned. (I feel like he would have at least mentioned those other options if they had been discussed between them). Honestly it sounds like they have communication issues. And he was a told jerk for abandoning the kids. As long as there's not physical violence and screaming in the house you can split and stay in the same household so you can see your children and help take care of them. The fact that he basically dropped out of their life for a whole week and didn't take that very hard speaks to the fact that he likely does zero child care. He honestly even if he's living separately should be having the kids at least half the time l otherwise he's just being a deadbeat.
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Ellen Little 1 year ago
He didn’t overreact to her, but he should have talked to the kids. ESH
Digitally “fitfo0die” Stephanie 1 year ago
You both need to grow TF up and have a conversation. You BOTH have the opinion that "I'm right and I'll do what I want and they'll get over it". That's not marriage. Ask her WHY she wants to be a SAHW. The answer that "it's not necessary because the kids don't need her at home" doesn't wash. Just be adults and have a conversation. Stop treating each other as doormats and talk to your d*** son!!!! Cause honestly if you ghosted my child you'd never step foot inside the house again.
Julia French 1 year ago
Did he ever ask her if something was going wrong with her job and she just wanted out from that?
Charlotte 1 year ago
She's an adult, if there is an issue with her job she should have communicated that. It's not up to him to guess or "just know" exactly what the issue is, especially if she's telling him something different
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Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
I think its weird that the whole tradwives thing doesnt ever addresses who manages the finances. Bc i learned from the women in my family, shows, etc that while the husband brought home the money, the wife balanced the checkbook, paid bills, kept track of every family member's budgets and spending, and as such were very, very grounded in the reality of their situation.
Charlotte 1 year ago
That wasn't always the case. When I worked in life insurance in the 1990s I spoke to a lot of new widows who had no clue about their finances because their husband "took care of all that". It was a steep, harsh learning curve
Load More Replies... Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
I think she needs to have TikTok taken away. She can sit around for 6 hours a day and think for once.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Stay separated but attend marriage counselling and actually listen to your wife. Is she getting pressure from her family? Your parents? Does she hate her job? Is she doing all the housework and childcare? Eldercare? You may still divorce but you need to talk first.
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
I agree with him being mad and I think she was planning it when she started sending him that c**p. Going straight to divorce is an overreaction. He needs to go home and sit her down and have a serious talk with her without the kids there. She has to get another job and separate accounts. I wouldn't trust her with joint checking, debit and credit cards because she might start spending money like crazy. He needs to talk to his kids at a level they can understand to let them know what's going on and he needs to tell her family the truth about what she did. Her quitting her job definitely backfired and bitt her in the butt.
Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
Counseling is necessary and she may need a psych eval. Leaving the family home w/o contact is not only bad form, but legally risky
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Daisy1355 1 year ago
She didn't have the proper conversation. He asked her what she was going to fill that time with. She didn't have an answer. I don't personally know many people who take this route, and I do not watch influencer garbage. The one person I know who does take this route invests her time in creating an homestead. She's raising animals, a garden. She cans their foods, etc and greatly reduces what they need to buy in terms of groceries. It was also a joint decision with her partner.
Nimitz 1 year ago
Jesus, has no one ever heard of couple's counseling? Go get some therapy and talk it out, don't just terminate a marriage because of a fight. See if you can make it work, and if not, then start planning a separation/divorce. Both the people sound like real gems in this one...
Sunny Day 1 year ago
There is no compromise with someone who does whatever they want and tells their partner "you'll get over it". Therapy won't help.
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Veronica Hippensteel 1 year ago
So its ok that he was refusing to let her but when she refused to put up with him refusing to see her point of view she is wrong. I bet he is home but does not do housework or cooking. If she returns to work then she needs to make a list of all the childcare and housework she does and it needs split 50 50. Men do not usually do this. The woman cooks and usually shop and laundry. This man should have asked her to just work part time so she had more time to get housework done. The decision was never 50 50 as he was wanting it 100 percent his way or the highway.
Charlotte 1 year ago
"men do not usually do this"? What decade are you living in?
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Ephemera Image 1 year ago
No, she made a unilateral decision to make herself completely reliant on HIS salary. You don't make decisions like that in a marriage without consulting your partner. She didn't consult, she just decided FOR him that she was doing that. If she's unhappy in the marriage she should say why, not 'I want to leech off you for the rest of my life'.
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Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
I’m undecided. The tradwifey thingy has a huge following now. Especially away from the coasts and in the South. I’d rate it unconfirmed
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Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
There’s a word for those who offer sex in exchange for favors. Use that word in court
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
Seriously. And the idiot YTA talking about "have fun paying alimony". That's not how it works in real life when one partner unilaterally quits their day job, forcing the issue of a divorce. They don't then get to demand the partner they screwed over pays for their lifestyle ANYWAYS. Any reasonable judge would take one look at this case and give full custody to Dad with a stable job and head on straight, over Mom who blows up her life on TikTok whims and trades blowjobs for brownie points.
Load More Replies... Roman Spruce 1 year ago
Cut up all her cards and change the bank passwords. If she wants to be lazy at home, she can be completely reliant on OP.
Caro Caro 1 year ago
And every meal made from scratch. Home baked bread, knitted sweaters, sew kids clothes, have a veggie patch.
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 1 year ago
UPDATE 1 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c78klu/update_aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with_divorce/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button UPDATE 2 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cg27k1/final_update_aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with/
Debbie 1 year ago
I hope he is ok. His kids might be angry or upset now, but that can change.
Load More Replies... R Dennis 1 year ago
The only reason ESH is because he blew off his kids. That is unacceptable. He didn't have to abandon his kids to take a stand or decide that the marriage isn't working. My wife and I went through a rough patch and considered divorce. I moved out. But I still took my stepkids to school, helped them with homework, and made them dinner - the issues we had weren't about them. They are in their 30s now and we occasionally talk about how weird it was at that time, but they never felt like they were the issue (they weren't).
Becca not Becky 1 year ago
Exactly. Ditching the manipulative wife is justifiable but the kids are innocent and won't understand why their dad just up and left one day without saying a word.
Load More Replies... Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Well, if she wants to be a tradwife, put her on a tight allowance for food and clothing, inspect the bills every single month, make sure she buys the kids supplies for school, and inspect the house every day when you come home from work. That's how tradwives are treated, isn't it? No money of their own, no freedom, you don't get to buy anything without hubby's permission, you don't need a second car since she doesn't work, and any uber money comes out of her allowance.
Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
Let her know you will pay for bills/groceries and children expenses. She wants anything, haircut, getting nails done, make up etc she needs to find away to pay for it because you won't.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
Seriously this would have been the more mature route to go. Give her what she wants but in a way where she realizes it's not a party where you wear a 50 style dress well cooking cookies all day. In fact he should probably have just stayed at his 80% time, and the money that they lost from her not working just simply disappeared causing a tighter budget.
Load More Replies... Id row 1 year ago
How stupid is that woman? 40% of marriages end in divorce and then what is she going to do? Tell the landlord they're not getting the rent and to get over it? Why anyone would depend 100% on another person for their survival is just bizarre.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
She's a lazy s***k. She's offering BJs for what amounts to a household allowance. There's a word for that and she is one.
Load More Replies... MR 1 year ago
NTA. SAHP is a two yes, one no decision. Both partners need to be on board. I don't gaf if she didn't want to work anymore and wanted to play house instead. That's a want and one an adult doesn't get to make without agreement and consequences. He didn't agree to it. And her behavior from treating him poorly in an effort to manipulate him is disgusting. He needs to speak to his kids and make that right. Everyone else, his parents included, can pound sand. And yes, get the divorce. There's no reconciliation with someone who acts the way she did. She could get her job back and recant, but she's already shown a willingness to act this way. If it doesn't work for this, she'll test his boundaries over and over again for other things. To say nothing of a willingness to be vindictive.
Manuela Langer 1 year ago
If she wants to be a tradwife, she also has to obey her husband in everything. But apparently she just wants a lazy lifestyle without working...
Steve Hall 1 year ago
I made sure that my wife understoos that both of us would work until we were old enough to retire. I will not ever financially support a healthy adult.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
And she appeared to agree to that for the first 12 years of their relationship. I wonder what changed?
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
Anyone start to question things at "unlimited blowjobs"? I mean, one would have to stop and think at that point, surely?
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
No they wouldn't because it's a lie. First time you ask and you'll get the, "we can't do that here we're at a PTA meeting!" Bull honky
Load More Replies... Katherine Minchin 1 year ago
Putting aside cultural ideas of "women belong in the home" - in the Western world women have *always worked*. (I suspect that they have outside the Western world as well.) Very few families have had the resources - financial and otherwise - for women not to be earning; even if the jobs they were doing paid much less than men. For this particular story though, I always wonder if women who want to be SAHM mothers have any thought regarding what would happen if things go wrong. Sure, they might be able to live pay check to pay check, but do they also have enough money to save for retirement? Or even just a rainy day fund? You can't live off credit cards forever. Sometimes I understand that the money earned by one parent may be better lost to save on childcare costs. Sometimes one parent can't work for health reasons. But in this story it seems that the woman has just fallen in love with the Trad Wife Tik Tok imagery; and hasn't actually thought things beyond the next couple of years.
Leigh Kinnaird 1 year ago
Many states are doing away with alimony in favour of clean breaks as the former clogs up the courts when one person's circumstances change and they have to go to court to adjust. Both parties are expected to support themselves. I'd see a lawyer now especially as there's no precedent for her having been a SAHP and both kids are in school. Starting point for custody is often 50/50 with no child support being required.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
Every state is different, but many of them 50/50 custody can still have child support if the incomes are very different. Also sometimes a child support is to cover things like daycare. It's actually kind of hard to split some bills like they care and health care between two split parties. For example the daycares generally won't take half payment from one person and a half payment from the other, and really vindictive spouse's can get back at somebody by just not paying their share. So for example my ex has a small amount of child care even though we made almost the exact amount. I pay the child care and the co-payments after insurance he gives me a monthly child support amount. It pretty much equals out (In fact on the calculation paper for my state the amount that were used to determine what he paid was basically what half of the child care and yearly expenses for medical divided by 12 were).
Load More Replies... Louise Brown 1 year ago
Honestly, again, the esh and yta folks are mental. That one esh person who said it was his own fault coz his wife told him what she wanted and he said no, so it was the same thing. She literally told him she couldn't be arsed working, and wanted him to basically fund their entire life. I feel like he gets a f*****g say in that decision! I feel like a really lot of us would love to not work, have everything paid for and have unlimited free time to do absolutely nothing but we live in the real world where, for the vast majority of us, that's not a realistic option. So we suck it up and go to bloody work! She already only works part time!
R F. 1 year ago
I say go ahead with the divorce. It’s extreme, but the relationships with my kids improved dramatically by getting rid of the SAH Drama Momma. She was the problem. Poisoning every little interaction, s******g on every idea, “misunderstandings” that never occur when its about her, “forgetting” every time a kid needed her to do something for them (sign up for volleyball, change classes at school, etc.). The idea of having a woman in my life who changes our household so dramatically based on the current popular musings displayed by her TikTok algorithm sounds like Hell to me.
Je souhaite 1 year ago
She sounds like a lazy cow better to divorce now before she pumps out 10 more kids with all that free time she's having
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
I'll cook and give you BJs. You'll get over it (!) You're married to a lazy s***k. Hire the most cut-throat divorce attorney you can find. Use this scenario to demonstrate that she's an unfit parent and sue for sole custody. Leave her poor, broken, and alone. FAFO
Jenny Mason 1 year ago
This seems like one of the pretty obvious bullshít stories that Reddit is infamous for.
Lindsay A 1 year ago
I hate it when the poll doesn't have an option I would chose! He's an a*****e for leaving his kids. She's an a*****e for just quitting and expecting him to deal. They should have kept communicating instead of him just saying 'no' to what she wanted. Enough talking would have eventually led to a compromise and if they couldn't do it alone? Counciling. Only innocents are the children
Aelin Wildfire 1 year ago (edited)
She is a HORRIBLE PERSON for the way she acted. Full stop. And that alone was worthy of divorce. But I have to wonder: why did he say no in the first place? It sounds like there would have been no major negative effects on him or the family if he'd agreed to it, so I don't understand why he was so strongly opposed to it. Did they have debts of some kind? Were they using all their income to the fullest every month? Do they have a hefty amount of savings that's just sitting in the bank, because they earn so much more than they spend every month? If it's the latter, I don't blame her for not wanting to work, especially if he earns more per hour than she does (and the post said he's already doing more of the work anyway). Working - earning money - is not people's purpose in life, and if you're ever in a position where you can SAFELY get by without working, it's not a bad thing to want to stay home and just...live your life. But again, the WAY she went about it was completely repugnant....
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
The arrangement worked well for 12 years. Why change it?
Load More Replies... blinkaoa187 1 year ago
While I don't support the wife's decision to unilaterally quit her job without telling her husband, it is pretty clear that he seemed to have decided that even though she wanted to be a SAHM, his decision that she couldn't do that was more important than her wishes. Such a decision should absolutely be a mutual one and she shouldn't have unilaterally decided to force the issue, but on the flip side, he was forcing the issue as well. Clearly they were at a place where they both wanted different things and she should have let him know before quitting that not being able to be a SAHM was a deal-breaker for her and then he could decide if it was a deal-breaker for him. I don't want anyone to think I approve of her attempts to manipulate him, but if they can't find a way for both to be happy together, splitting up might be the right decision in the end.
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
But they had a mutually agreed upon structure for their relationship/marriage - they both work. The kids had a parent at home every day but Wednesday. This worked for 12 years. She repeatedly floated the trial baloon of being a SAHM + Chief BJ-giver and he vetoed (both parties get a veto on questions like this). She quit her job, anyway. I guess he won't "get over it"? She deserves whatever she gets. She's shown that she is capable of employment that would support herself. Alimony will be minimal; maybe $0.
Load More Replies... weatherwitch 1 year ago
What strikes me in this, is that he Immediately gave up on his parenting. His son left a voice mail in which he was crying, therefore daddy didn't bother to answer the phone to his Child. Daddy didn't bother to ring him back either, but will pop over at the weekend, sometime.... I'd say there's a lot more to this than meets the eye, he used you'll get over it to her countless times then three the dummy out when she did it back. They Need marital counselling and perhaps talking to someone from within their culture, especially after I saw the comment on traditional Muslim roles. That will seem very poor to others, there is a lot going on that is also cultural too. We can't judge it when money grabbing western lifestyles is all we know now...
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
I chose he overreacted but only as regarding the children. He should not have abandoned them as well. Also if he later tries to see joint custody it'll be harder to achieve it if he basically walked out of their life completely. To not have even talk to them on the phone in this amount of time is ridiculous! He can be in the same house and still draw that line of separation and start filing. He just needs to sleep in a different room. That or he needs to stay with the children full time and have her go to her mom's house. I'm with the one poster though as far as the religion, if she is more devout and that was pre-existing then that changes the dynamic as well. But if they're both pretty secular then there's no reason for her to be so pushy about being stay at home. (The time for that was 10 years ago when the babies were babies).
Tom De Paul 8 months ago
So do you (and everyone else) ignore that "they both work" was mutually agreeable to both of them for 12 years?
Load More Replies... Cassandra Zumstein 1 year ago
I wonder if people would be so quick to judge if they knew her husband had her do all the childcare, errands, meal preparation and housework. Is it possible she was at her wit’s end? Granted, a unilateral approach is not the way to go, but it sounds to me as though it was either that or asking for a divorce from her husband outright. In any event, I’m sure it’s likely more complicated than it appears, and we are given just one side of the story.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
Even if that's true she was at 50% part-time so she could ask for either a reduction in her work hours, money to spend on a house cleaner, or for him to pick up some of the chores. It doesn't seem like any of that was mentioned. (I feel like he would have at least mentioned those other options if they had been discussed between them). Honestly it sounds like they have communication issues. And he was a told jerk for abandoning the kids. As long as there's not physical violence and screaming in the house you can split and stay in the same household so you can see your children and help take care of them. The fact that he basically dropped out of their life for a whole week and didn't take that very hard speaks to the fact that he likely does zero child care. He honestly even if he's living separately should be having the kids at least half the time l otherwise he's just being a deadbeat.
Load More Replies... Ellen Little 1 year ago
He didn’t overreact to her, but he should have talked to the kids. ESH
Digitally “fitfo0die” Stephanie 1 year ago
You both need to grow TF up and have a conversation. You BOTH have the opinion that "I'm right and I'll do what I want and they'll get over it". That's not marriage. Ask her WHY she wants to be a SAHW. The answer that "it's not necessary because the kids don't need her at home" doesn't wash. Just be adults and have a conversation. Stop treating each other as doormats and talk to your d*** son!!!! Cause honestly if you ghosted my child you'd never step foot inside the house again.
Julia French 1 year ago
Did he ever ask her if something was going wrong with her job and she just wanted out from that?
Charlotte 1 year ago
She's an adult, if there is an issue with her job she should have communicated that. It's not up to him to guess or "just know" exactly what the issue is, especially if she's telling him something different
Load More Replies... Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
I think its weird that the whole tradwives thing doesnt ever addresses who manages the finances. Bc i learned from the women in my family, shows, etc that while the husband brought home the money, the wife balanced the checkbook, paid bills, kept track of every family member's budgets and spending, and as such were very, very grounded in the reality of their situation.
Charlotte 1 year ago
That wasn't always the case. When I worked in life insurance in the 1990s I spoke to a lot of new widows who had no clue about their finances because their husband "took care of all that". It was a steep, harsh learning curve
Load More Replies... Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
I think she needs to have TikTok taken away. She can sit around for 6 hours a day and think for once.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Stay separated but attend marriage counselling and actually listen to your wife. Is she getting pressure from her family? Your parents? Does she hate her job? Is she doing all the housework and childcare? Eldercare? You may still divorce but you need to talk first.
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
I agree with him being mad and I think she was planning it when she started sending him that c**p. Going straight to divorce is an overreaction. He needs to go home and sit her down and have a serious talk with her without the kids there. She has to get another job and separate accounts. I wouldn't trust her with joint checking, debit and credit cards because she might start spending money like crazy. He needs to talk to his kids at a level they can understand to let them know what's going on and he needs to tell her family the truth about what she did. Her quitting her job definitely backfired and bitt her in the butt.
Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
Counseling is necessary and she may need a psych eval. Leaving the family home w/o contact is not only bad form, but legally risky
Load More Replies... Daisy1355 1 year ago
She didn't have the proper conversation. He asked her what she was going to fill that time with. She didn't have an answer. I don't personally know many people who take this route, and I do not watch influencer garbage. The one person I know who does take this route invests her time in creating an homestead. She's raising animals, a garden. She cans their foods, etc and greatly reduces what they need to buy in terms of groceries. It was also a joint decision with her partner.
Nimitz 1 year ago
Jesus, has no one ever heard of couple's counseling? Go get some therapy and talk it out, don't just terminate a marriage because of a fight. See if you can make it work, and if not, then start planning a separation/divorce. Both the people sound like real gems in this one...
Sunny Day 1 year ago
There is no compromise with someone who does whatever they want and tells their partner "you'll get over it". Therapy won't help.
Load More Replies... Veronica Hippensteel 1 year ago
So its ok that he was refusing to let her but when she refused to put up with him refusing to see her point of view she is wrong. I bet he is home but does not do housework or cooking. If she returns to work then she needs to make a list of all the childcare and housework she does and it needs split 50 50. Men do not usually do this. The woman cooks and usually shop and laundry. This man should have asked her to just work part time so she had more time to get housework done. The decision was never 50 50 as he was wanting it 100 percent his way or the highway.
Charlotte 1 year ago
"men do not usually do this"? What decade are you living in?
Load More Replies... Ephemera Image 1 year ago
No, she made a unilateral decision to make herself completely reliant on HIS salary. You don't make decisions like that in a marriage without consulting your partner. She didn't consult, she just decided FOR him that she was doing that. If she's unhappy in the marriage she should say why, not 'I want to leech off you for the rest of my life'.
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
I’m undecided. The tradwifey thingy has a huge following now. Especially away from the coasts and in the South. I’d rate it unconfirmed
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