Man Thinks His Wife “Baby Trapped” Him, Destroys Their Marriage

It might be the best ending in that situation but still I wouldn't call it a happy ending. I am not defending that guy but the truth is that people do extremely stupid things when they panic. Is it their true colors? Sure you could say so. I wouldn't call it rare reaction that people have doubts if they are ready to have children because it's a huge commitment for life. His was really extreme. I get that she can't trust him anymore because of what he did. I wouldn't either but still wouldn't think it happy. A child should have both parents, she should've had a man that handled his fears better. That would've been happy ending.

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Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that divorce is very rarely the best solution. So many responses on here immediately go for "ditch him/her" and I find it quite depressing. There is often a good case for trying to work things out and rekindling a healthy relationship.

What’s the best case scenario here if the couple patch things up? The marriage will have no trust on either side (her with good reason, him because he’s an idiot). There will be no respect on either side too (ditto). The wife will know she can never rely on the husband in a crisis; that he will not apologise even if he is 100% in the wrong and even if his marriage and relationship with his wife and child is on the line; and that he will weaponise his family (specifically his brother) to get what he wants. Your dream of a healthy relationship? It looks like it’s long dead - because of the husband.

Trust can be rebuilt. It would have taken a concerted effort, but it's possible. Although they are lacking mutual respect, it's not absent entirely. And that is also something they can work on and grow. Husband can learn to be dependable as well. It definitely would have been a long and difficult road on his part, but not impossible.

Re-read the story. Note that, after seven SEVEN YEARS of marriage, and a year of (both!) trying for a baby, he somehow still thought that she was trying to “trap him” with the pregnancy. He - and he alone - left. He mobilised his family to sent aggressive texts to her. Days later, even when forced to admit that he was wrong, he still failed to apologise. He has behaved so badly that his own mother has rejected him in favour of her daughter-in-law. Yet you want to blame her. What an absolutely bonkers take.

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Blaming her? No. They *both* did things they shouldn't have. He definitely did many, many more things wrong and it would take an enormous amount of effort from him to make things right again. But before he had a chance to try, she ended the marriage. She denied him the opportunity to grow, improve himself, and repair the marriage. So, all I'm saying is that they both contributed to the divorce. Certainly, he did *so* much more than she did. I'm not arguing that. But it's not accurate to say that she did nothing.

The OP’s priority now is to her daughter. The husband’s priority is to still refuse to apologise - even if it costs him his marriage, his relationship with his mother, and his relationship with his unborn daughter. He still has the opportunity to grow and improve himself. But he, and he alone, is responsible for the consequences. If your argument can be summarised as “He probably feels sorry for what he did so he shouldn’t have to say he feels sorry for what he did” then it’s a lousy argument.

He is a grown man! Why should she wait for him to grow and improve himself? He was supposed to have those traits already and what did she do that was so wrong besides get a divorce? That is right and she did what she thought was right. No one is going to wait around for a grown man to grow up. The only thing she did wrong was marry a child.

That maybe but it has to be a mutual understanding. He has clearly shown that when things get a bit hectict, he will leave her high and dry. What if she had cancer? You think he left fast when he hear about the baby, he would have evaporated if it was cancer. He can not be trusted to have her back. This maybe a learning lesson and it may change him to be a better man in the future but she sure as hell is not gonna wait for that to happen.

I understand how you feel on this and while I am all for patching things up I am also for moving on. He can not be trusted. I do not believe in patching up a marriage that is destroyed by lies, cheating, and untrustworthyness. Why would anyone want to live in a hell like that?

I'm probably going to be downvoted too, but I agree with you. The man clearly has some weird stuff going on in his head (That maybe the friend put there? Misery loves company, after all), but he could have worked through that with a therapist (and ditched the friend if needed). And he could have also worked to earn back her trust. A therapist could have helped him with this as well, as far as identifying what about his thinking causes a flight response to stressful situations and providing him with exercises to address that. Her seeing him make better choices and becoming dependable would have regrown her trust over time. And when she became comfortable with his progress, she could have invited him back home (under the condition that he still continues to work on himself, of course). It would certainly be a long and difficult process, but saving a marriage is worth it. They are chained together through their kiddo anyways; might as well at least try to fix their marriage.

I am GenX and my parents are boomers. That some c**p they would have said, try and fix the marriage. He's treating you like c**p, fix the marriage. He left you high and dry with a baby on the way, fix the marriage. He's beating you black and blue, fix the marriage. After all, there are kids involved. You think kids dont know that there is tention in the house and that the parents hate each other? You mess the kids up more than making the marriage better.