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“Now He Is Refusing To Even Sleep In The Same Bed As Me”: Parents Get Into A Fight When Mom Secretly Installs A Door In Teenage Son’s Room Despite The Dad Disagreeing
Privacy is a fundamental human right recognized in the UN Declaration of Human Rights, the International Convenant on Civil and Political Rights and in many other international and regional treaties. But some would say that their parents, siblings or pets are constantly depriving them of that important right.
For some people it’s a joke, but for others it’s a serious issue. Like when parents believe that their child who has a separate room doesn’t need a door. A mom shared a story on Reddit about how her husband doesn’t want their 14-year-old son to have a door in his room, but she thinks otherwise, so she bought him a door. But that made the dad very mad and it caused more tension in the family than it should have.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
A mom wants to know if she made the wrong decision to go behind her husband’s back and install a door in their son’s room
Image credits: Melissa Doroquez (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 35-year-old mom and her husband is 46 years old. They have a 14-year-old son and the dad believes that their child doesn’t need privacy until he turns 18, so as long as he is under the parents’ care, he shouldn’t have a door.
The mom, on the other hand, thinks that teenagers do need their own privacy, space and freedom. Of course, their child is 14, so she would still need to know what he’s up to, but the mom doesn’t think that it’s necessary to remove the door from his room.
The father thinks that teenagers shouldn’t have privacy as long as they are in the care of the parents
Image credits: melindthrowaway
This disagreement started to create some tension between the two parents and the dad doesn’t want any compromises because he was raised this way so he knows best.
But the mom’s heart couldn’t bear seeing her son mistreated, so she thought it would be a good idea to do what she thinks is right. As her son’s birthday and Christmas are near, she decided that a perfect gift would be a door.
Image credits: melindthrowaway
The mom thinks that at least a door is appropriate for a teenager to have
Image credits: melindthrowaway
The OP didn’t say anything to her husband and secretly bought a door and had it installed in the son’s room when neither he nor his dad was home.
The son came home after school with a door blocking his room and the mom saw that he was delighted and probably actually relieved. However, when the dad saw the door he was not satisfied at all.
Knowing that the dad would never agree to it, the mom went behind his back and got a door installed as a birthday and a Christmas gift for the 14-year-old son
Image credits: melindthrowaway
He was actually really mad, and now the wife and the husband sleep in different rooms. The husband was displeased that such a decision was made without having a word with him and felt that his authority was disrespected.
The OP now thinks that she acted without thinking and should have had a conversation with her husband before making a parenting decision and is asking if she deserves being treated like the jerk in this situation.
The son was happy to finally have some privacy but the OP’s husband is not sleeping in the same bed with her anymore for this
Image credits: melindthrowaway
People in the comments were actually concerned that the OP’s husband is abusive and toxic more than who is wrong in the situation. They found it problematic how he explained that there is no need for a door so the son could grow up a man and that he feels he’s the only authority in the house.
What do you take from this story? Do you think teenagers are entitled to privacy? And do you feel that this family has deeper issues rather than just this one disagreement about privacy which is already quite alarming? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section!
Seems like other redditors are quite concerned and feel that this disagreement is just one of many issues in the family
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Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
No door, and the phrase "what it takes for (kid) to be a man", caused serious red flags. Then came "This is how I was raised". Change locks, wave him good-bye, get counseling, IMHO. That may be extreme, but it's a symbol of trust, that door is. That would be wonderful for a kid, I'd think?
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
The two quotes point to the father wanting his son to take after him. Two generations of abusers is two generations of abusers too many. I hope the mother cuts her losses. No father in the son's life would be a major improvement.
Load More Replies...
Helen Haley 4 years ago
The giant age gap and all the controlling behavior and what he's doing to his son? There are more red flags here than an incel convention.
Random Panda 4 years ago
It's a small chance, but I hope this is a wake-up call for her and she takes herself and her son away from this abusive a-hole.
Load More Replies...
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Jeez, this guy's an a-hole all over. Everyone needs a space of their own, if just to get away from things and decompress. Those teenage years can be rough enough without being able to just chill with your own thoughts. Plus, the 14 year old is gonna want some privacy for "other" things... You can only go to the bathroom or take a shower so many times a day without it looking strange.
Heather G 4 years ago
Well one things for almost certain: that boy is going to have no relationship with his father. And his dad is going to wonder what happened.
UpupaEpops 4 years ago
Not just the dad. He won't be having much of a relationship with mom either if she keeps enabling his asshole of a dad.
Load More Replies...
Remi Flynne 4 years ago
"Centuries Out Of Date Man" perhaps? Honestly, anyone coming out with those words should be told bye-bye and left as fast as you can go. Children need doors from a much earlier age than this.
Load More Replies...
Eagle Girl 4 years ago
Why is she upset he isn't sleeping with her? Seems like that would be her bonus gift for doing right by her kid
Cori 4 years ago
I have a super controlling step dad and grew up in exactly this situation. I used to get dressed in my closet. Literally. It was just one in a long list of damaging things from my childhood that I'm still recovering from 2 decades later. My experience was a clear case of a mother choosing her relationship over her children's well being. This situation though, seems like abuse and I really hope this woman has the support she needs and can find the strength to kick him to the curb.
Ashley Lynne 4 years ago
What kind of parent thinks a teenage boy shouldn't have privacy? I could maybe see if the kid did something to lose privacy privileges for a short time- but a 14 year old boy deserves an age appropriate amount of privacy
Huddo's sister 4 years ago
I think privacy in this context should be a right, not a privilege. It makes me shudder every time I hear of doors being taken off children's rooms. I can't see what action leads to that being an appropriate consequence? I don't have kids myself, so I don't fully understand what it is like, so I am really clueless at times :) I hope that didn't come out wrong, I know you do understand a teen's right to privacy.
Load More Replies...
Otter 4 years ago
There's a very important lesson for the son in here... about the limits of a man's authority in his own home. When he's wrong, he's wrong, even if he is the "man of the house", and sometimes it's right to "disrespect his authority". The OP should discuss this with the son at an appropriate time, ask him which is more important in a family or in general... maintaining authority, or admitting you're wrong when you're wrong.
Remi Flynne 4 years ago
The 'Man of the house' thing needs leaving in the past. Any one individual thinking that they ultimately authority over all the others in the house? No. Makes me feel sick.
Load More Replies...
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
When I was in highschool I was friends with a girl whose bible-thumping jerk of a father wouldn't let her close her bedroom door, I guess in case she got up to anything Sinful. She's a grown woman now and so paranoid about her privacy that she refuses to own a smartphone. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a connection, sigh.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
No door, and the phrase "what it takes for (kid) to be a man", caused serious red flags. Then came "This is how I was raised". Change locks, wave him good-bye, get counseling, IMHO. That may be extreme, but it's a symbol of trust, that door is. That would be wonderful for a kid, I'd think?
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
The two quotes point to the father wanting his son to take after him. Two generations of abusers is two generations of abusers too many. I hope the mother cuts her losses. No father in the son's life would be a major improvement.
Load More Replies... Helen Haley 4 years ago
The giant age gap and all the controlling behavior and what he's doing to his son? There are more red flags here than an incel convention.
Random Panda 4 years ago
It's a small chance, but I hope this is a wake-up call for her and she takes herself and her son away from this abusive a-hole.
Load More Replies... Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Jeez, this guy's an a-hole all over. Everyone needs a space of their own, if just to get away from things and decompress. Those teenage years can be rough enough without being able to just chill with your own thoughts. Plus, the 14 year old is gonna want some privacy for "other" things... You can only go to the bathroom or take a shower so many times a day without it looking strange.
Heather G 4 years ago
Well one things for almost certain: that boy is going to have no relationship with his father. And his dad is going to wonder what happened.
UpupaEpops 4 years ago
Not just the dad. He won't be having much of a relationship with mom either if she keeps enabling his asshole of a dad.
Load More Replies... Remi Flynne 4 years ago
"Centuries Out Of Date Man" perhaps? Honestly, anyone coming out with those words should be told bye-bye and left as fast as you can go. Children need doors from a much earlier age than this.
Load More Replies... Eagle Girl 4 years ago
Why is she upset he isn't sleeping with her? Seems like that would be her bonus gift for doing right by her kid
Cori 4 years ago
I have a super controlling step dad and grew up in exactly this situation. I used to get dressed in my closet. Literally. It was just one in a long list of damaging things from my childhood that I'm still recovering from 2 decades later. My experience was a clear case of a mother choosing her relationship over her children's well being. This situation though, seems like abuse and I really hope this woman has the support she needs and can find the strength to kick him to the curb.
Ashley Lynne 4 years ago
What kind of parent thinks a teenage boy shouldn't have privacy? I could maybe see if the kid did something to lose privacy privileges for a short time- but a 14 year old boy deserves an age appropriate amount of privacy
Huddo's sister 4 years ago
I think privacy in this context should be a right, not a privilege. It makes me shudder every time I hear of doors being taken off children's rooms. I can't see what action leads to that being an appropriate consequence? I don't have kids myself, so I don't fully understand what it is like, so I am really clueless at times :) I hope that didn't come out wrong, I know you do understand a teen's right to privacy.
Load More Replies... Otter 4 years ago
There's a very important lesson for the son in here... about the limits of a man's authority in his own home. When he's wrong, he's wrong, even if he is the "man of the house", and sometimes it's right to "disrespect his authority". The OP should discuss this with the son at an appropriate time, ask him which is more important in a family or in general... maintaining authority, or admitting you're wrong when you're wrong.
Remi Flynne 4 years ago
The 'Man of the house' thing needs leaving in the past. Any one individual thinking that they ultimately authority over all the others in the house? No. Makes me feel sick.
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
When I was in highschool I was friends with a girl whose bible-thumping jerk of a father wouldn't let her close her bedroom door, I guess in case she got up to anything Sinful. She's a grown woman now and so paranoid about her privacy that she refuses to own a smartphone. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a connection, sigh.
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