“I Feel Bad For His Wife”: People Give Man A Reality Check For Insisting On His Daily Routine

When you’re raising small children, having one parent stay at home can be a lifesaver. And many families operate this way; according to a 2024 report from Capita, around one in three families have a stay-at-home parent.

Problems may arise when the SAH parent starts feeling that their partner isn’t pulling their weight. Like this SAHM, who asked her husband for more help around the house. Yet his response was that he needs “me” time before work to answer emails and a couple of hours to destress in the gym after work. When he asked people online whether he was asking for too much, netizens gave him a reality check.

To know more about how spouses can distribute housework equally, Bored Panda reached out to the founder and CEO of Momwell, Erica Djossa, MA. She’s a registered psychotherapist, and the author of Releasing the Mother Load, and she kindly agreed to explain how important the mental well-being of both parents is and how partners can balance distributing housework without feeling resentment.

More info: Momwell | Releasing The Mother Load | Instagram | Facebook | TikTok | Podcast

A husband thought he was entitled to some “me” time despite his wife being absolutely drowning in housework

Man in a suit adjusting jacket, holding a laptop, in a modern kitchen.

Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)

When his wife asked him for help around the house, he thought she was being unfair

Text excerpt discussing a husband's daily personal time and being called out for lack of presence at home.

Text about a husband's work schedule in retail management and family's caregiving duties.

Text describing a husband's morning routine, mentioning leaving the house early for personal time.

A stressed woman with a laptop on a couch as children play loudly around her, highlighting time management challenges at home.

Image credits: choreograph (not the actual photo)

Text about husband's daily routine causing conflict at home.

Text discussing husband's routine, enjoying peace and quiet, and being asked to stay home by Lara until noon.

Text excerpt about a husband spending time at a cafe and gym, highlighting his absence at home.

Text expressing a husband's offer for family assistance while addressing time management concerns.

Image credits: Visual_Witness8051

The mental health of a parent matters, but not at the cost of the other’s

There’s nothing wrong with a parent who wants some time for themselves. Mental wellness is important for both parents; unfortunately, often, one parent bears the bigger brunt of the housework.

The author of Releasing the Mother Load Erica Djossa says that no one partner should be shouldering the full mental and physical load of the household. “The key is equity—ensuring that both parents have time for themselves while also sharing responsibilities fairly,” she emphasizes.

“Everyone’s mental health and well-being matter. If one person’s needs are being met at the cost of the other’s, it’s only a matter of time before the imbalance takes a toll.”

Yet, the norm is usually different. Recent research shows that 71% of mothers still handle the vast majority of household tasks that require mental effort. Djossa explains that some families might operate like this unconsciously.

“One person (usually the mother) takes on the role of protector of their partner’s time,” she says. “Ensuring he gets his morning routine, not interrupting his work schedule, or defaulting to handling everything because it feels easier than asking for help.”

Mothers, in turn, often have little leeway in how they can plan their days. “Mom’s time is often already prescribed—dictated by the unending needs of the household and children,” Djossa says. “There is little room for spontaneity or choice in how they spend their time because it’s consumed by tasks that need to get done.”

One parent then becomes way less autonomous than the other one. Dads usually have more flexibility and can choose how they spend their time. For mothers, their time is often structured around the needs of others: the children, the husband, or, in the case of this story, an ill family member.

Mom on bed with child jumping, displaying stress from husband never being home.

Image credits: christening (not the actual photo)

Over-functioning moms might start resenting their partners over time

When there’s an imbalance in how housework and the mental load are distributed, moms are usually over-functioning and dads under-functioning. Over time, mothers might start feeling burnt out, maybe even resent their partners. Mental health issues like anxiety and depression might set in.

Such a family dynamic reinforces traditional gender roles as well. “[It] positions moms as default caregivers and dads as optional participants in household management,” Erica Djossa explains. “This isn’t sustainable—not for the individual, the partnership, or the family as a whole.”

According to Djossa, a healthier approach is to recognize that both parents need rest, autonomy and care. Both the mom and the dad need space to recharge. “This might mean setting clear agreements, alternating solo time, or restructuring routines to ensure that the burden doesn’t default to one person,” Djossa points out.

Man in a plaid shirt and hat, seated with a laptop and coffee, symbolizing taking time for himself.

Image credits: KAL VISUALS (not the actual photo)

Partners can address this without blaming each other: it’s not that one partner is failing, but the result of systemic expectations

So, what can parents do if they feel that the distribution of housework is unequal? According to Djossa, couples need to clearly recognize the real problem. “[It’s] not that one person is ‘failing’ but that the system they’re operating within is unequal,” the psychotherapist tells Bored Panda.

“The real issue isn’t just an imbalance of tasks—it’s the deeply ingrained gender norms that lead to mothers carrying the default load in the first place.”

“Too often, caregiving and household management are seen as a mother’s domain, while fathers are positioned as ‘helpers’ rather than equal partners,” Djossa explains. “This systemic expectation makes it easy for one partner (usually the mom) to become overwhelmed while the other (often the dad) may not even realize the extent of what’s being carried.”

People in the comments didn’t hold back and called the man out

Text criticizing a husband for neglecting his wife and family responsibilities.

Text from online discussion about husband taking time away from family responsibilities.

Text conversation criticizing a husband for rarely being home, discussing parental responsibilities and sacrifices.

Comment criticizing a husband for prioritizing personal time over family responsibilities.

Comment critiques a husband's daily absence, calling for more participation.

Reddit comment criticizing a husband for neglecting family responsibilities.

Comment criticizing husband for excessive leisure time instead of being home.

Text comment criticizing a husband for not spending time at home with family.

Comment criticizing a husband for spending too much time away from family commitments.

Comment criticizing a husband for not being home and suggesting divorce.

Reddit comment criticizing a husband for not spending enough time at home and suggesting better family engagement.

Reddit comment criticizing a husband for his absence, stating he's a terrible parent and partner.

Comment criticizing a husband for not being home and helping with kids and chores.

Comment criticizing a husband for taking excessive personal time and neglecting home responsibilities.

Comment criticizing a husband for not spending time at home, calling him out for enjoying life while his wife is overwhelmed.

Comment criticizing a husband's daily routine for being absent from home.

Screenshot of a critical comment discussing a husband's daily me-time, highlighting selfishness and family responsibilities.

Comment criticizing a husband for spending too much time alone daily, suggesting neglect of family responsibilities.

Online comment criticizing a husband for taking daily personal time, urging presence for family.

Text breakdown criticizing husband for lack of home time and excessive personal activities.

Text discussing husband's alone time, lack of compromise, and wife's full-time childcare responsibilities.

Text criticizes husband's daily routine, highlighting lack of family time due to taking personal time and late work hours.

Comment questioning a husband's absence for personal time, mentioning parenting duties.

However, there were a couple of people who sided with the husband

Comment discussing the importance of taking a little time for yourself daily.

Comment discussing how a husband's work is undervalued, supporting a family while being criticized.

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