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Woman Bothered By Husband’s Jokes Gets Concerned And Leaves Him After Internet’s Encouragement
One of life’s unfortunate truths is that love can be blinding. It can hinder a person from seeing the dark truth about their partner and the relationship they chose to fight for with all they have.
It’s an ugly reality that a woman lived with for many years. She managed to ignore her husband’s hurtful and demeaning “jokes” because they loved each other. Or so she thought.
She has since been prompted to reconsider her marriage after seeking answers from the Reddit community. This is quite a lengthy one, so you might be here for a while.
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As beautiful as love is, it can also blur reality for some people
Image credits: Pressmaster / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
A woman put up with her husband’s cruel “jokes,” all in the name of love
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Out of confusion, she sought help from the internet about how to address her situation
Image credits: Mâide Arslan / pexels (not the actual photo)
It had gotten so bad that she swore not to have his children unless he changed his ways
Image credits: themourningbride
People in toxic relationships cling to their partner’s positive traits to a fault
Image credits: drobotdean / freepik (not the actual photo)
In the story, the woman admitted that she ignored her husband’s cruel “jokes” because he was a “good provider” and could be a “very fun dad.” According to psychologist and Harvard Medical School lecturer Dr. Craig Malkin, people like her are desperately hoping that the mistreatment will eventually go away.
“Many survivors (in toxic relationships) cling to the positive traits in their partners — like being affectionate and reliable,” Dr. Malkin wrote.
Dr. Malkin states that such behavior may be a sign of dissociation brought on by post-traumatic stress syndrome. In these cases, the individual may have a difficult time leaving the relationship because they lack the psychological presence to recall the pain.
It doesn’t help that the initial reaction would be to minimize the nature of the mistreatment by saying things like, “It’s no big deal.” In the woman’s case, it’s considering the “good side” of her husband, along with the guilt of not addressing the problem before they got married.
“It makes the person want to hide their pain, and when that happens — when their plight remains invisible — they have no hope at all of leaving,” Dr. Malkin explained.
If the erring partner shows no signs of changing, leaving the relationship would be the best option. In this case, it would be helpful to have an exit plan by building a safety net.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT, this process begins with a well-planned approach that includes having a place to stay and determining which possessions to bring along.
The next step would be to let someone, including local authorities, know if there are serious threats. But most importantly, communication with the abusive spouse should no longer exist.
“Toxic people are very cunning and can use emotional blackmail to lure you back in,” Feuerman wrote. “If you need to file a restraining order, do so.”
It’s understandable for the woman to feel confused. However, no amount of disrepsect is acceptable, no matter how much you love the person.
Commenters had their questions, which the woman addressed
Image credits: TT / Amazon (not the actual photo)
The woman provided an update, saying she began to realize the gravity of her situation
Image credits: yanalya / freepik (not the actual photo)
She also began to realize that both of them may be at fault
Image credits: themourningbride
More questions from readers poured in
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman provided a second update, saying she had spoken to a professional
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
She also reached out to a hotline that handled toxic relationships
Image credits: themourningbride
Image credits: Blake Cheek / unsplash (not the actual photo)
A third update came in, as the woman shared more eye-opening experiences
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
Overall, she’s been exhausted, and understandably so
Image credits: themourningbride
Image credits: Alrightstock / freepik (not the actual photo)
Her fourth update revealed more menacing and alarming threats from her husband
Image credits: Frolopiaton Palm / freepik (not the actual photo)
She also voiced out some questions and concerns that have been bothering her
Image credits: themourningbride
People in the comments compelled her to break free from the relationship
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Her fifth and final update began on a positive note
Image credits: Rohap / freepik (not the actual photo)
She says she has learned to treat herself with compassion
Image credits: themourningbride
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lenka 7 months ago
Your "poll" is truly awful. It minimizes the trauma and betrayal this woman has endured and trivialises the entire emotional gamut of her story.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 months ago
I was OP for 24 years, in a relationship with a controlling man who was verbally, emotionally, and mentally a*****e. For *TWO AND A HALF DECADES* I justified staying with him by saying to myself "well, at least he doesn't HIT me." I lived with him for three years sleeping every night under "The Wall Of Why I'm A Sh!t Person And How He'll Fix Me" that HE created (photo attached, though it's a pic of only about 1/3 of it, it covered WAY more of the wall than shown.) My Pandas, it doesn't matter if you're a woman, a man, nonbinary, or genderfluid, if you are with someone who is like OP's husband or my ex, LEAVE. You deserve to be YOURSELF. You deserve to be happy. *The problem is NOT YOU.* You are strong. There is no reason you have to be with someone who makes you feel small, weak, unhappy, and sh!tty. You love them, but they do not love you - they only love themselves and they only love how good they feel when they hurt you. the_wall-6...2ab97b.jpg 
Bartlet for world domination 7 months ago
That was an upvote for support, it felt so bad to upvote that wall that I had to come out and comment :-/
Load More Replies...
Luke Branwen 7 months ago
As someone who was bullied at school, I've noticed that all bullies have the same strategy, no matter if it's a school or marriage bully. Death by a thousand cuts. Plenty of little incidents that get under your skin, but when you want to tell someone about your problems, you can't do it without looking oversensitive / overreacting because they've mastered the art of being hurtful enough to hurt, but also careful enough to allow plausible denial. I'm so happy for this woman. That man knew VERY WELL what he was doing.
lenka 7 months ago
Your "poll" is truly awful. It minimizes the trauma and betrayal this woman has endured and trivialises the entire emotional gamut of her story.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 months ago
I was OP for 24 years, in a relationship with a controlling man who was verbally, emotionally, and mentally a*****e. For *TWO AND A HALF DECADES* I justified staying with him by saying to myself "well, at least he doesn't HIT me." I lived with him for three years sleeping every night under "The Wall Of Why I'm A Sh!t Person And How He'll Fix Me" that HE created (photo attached, though it's a pic of only about 1/3 of it, it covered WAY more of the wall than shown.) My Pandas, it doesn't matter if you're a woman, a man, nonbinary, or genderfluid, if you are with someone who is like OP's husband or my ex, LEAVE. You deserve to be YOURSELF. You deserve to be happy. *The problem is NOT YOU.* You are strong. There is no reason you have to be with someone who makes you feel small, weak, unhappy, and sh!tty. You love them, but they do not love you - they only love themselves and they only love how good they feel when they hurt you. the_wall-6...2ab97b.jpg
Bartlet for world domination 7 months ago
That was an upvote for support, it felt so bad to upvote that wall that I had to come out and comment :-/
Load More Replies... Luke Branwen 7 months ago
As someone who was bullied at school, I've noticed that all bullies have the same strategy, no matter if it's a school or marriage bully. Death by a thousand cuts. Plenty of little incidents that get under your skin, but when you want to tell someone about your problems, you can't do it without looking oversensitive / overreacting because they've mastered the art of being hurtful enough to hurt, but also careful enough to allow plausible denial. I'm so happy for this woman. That man knew VERY WELL what he was doing.
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