It’s nice to have a caring partner, but, as many people have learned the hard way, it’s possible for your partner to care all too much and for all the wrong reasons. The line between caring and controlling can, at times, be a bit harder to notice if you aren’t ready for it.
A woman had a startling revelation about why her car keys were missing when she discovered that her husband wanted to stop her from attending a job interview. Readers shared their reactions and suggestions, while OP later gave a short update on what she had decided to do about the situation.
A partner who cares is a good thing, but there are limits
Image credits: Negative Space / pexels (not the actual photo)
One woman learned that her husband was a lot more controlling than she expected
Image credits: ckstockphoto / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: [deleted]
Bad partners sometimes only reveal their true colors later
Many relationships that end up going sour have a sort of “honeymoon” phase, which can, at times, coincide with the actual honeymoon. Unfortunately, as time goes on, bad people reveal their colors and their partners have to start making decisions about whether to stay or to get out for their own health. Leaving your partner or spouse is rarely easy, but sometimes it’s just the only path forward.
As this story demonstrates, that can be a lot easier said than done. While at a distance, the husband’s behavior is unacceptable and, frankly, quite worrying. However, like a frog in a pot of hot water, it can be hard to see issues from up close. After all, horrible people often are quite adept at manipulating others.
“Gaslighting” might be a sort of modern buzzword, but the unfortunate truth is that there are people out there who mess with other’s heads enough to make them incapable of seeing what is in front of them. OP’s husband may have not gaslit her in this particular situation, but the fact that she needs a second opinion on his downright controlling behavior indicates that she perhaps doesn’t quite understand who he is inside.
Controlling behavior should not be tolerated
Not all abusive behavior is strictly physical, although much of it is. This sort of behavior is already abusive, and, even worse, seems to be a precursor to more. It would appear that OP’s husband wants to limit her independence, undoubtedly to maintain some degree of control. As anyone who has watched a cult documentary can attest to, making its members dependent on the leader is a tried and tested strategy. The husband seems to have similar ideas.
While we can’t know what he intends to do in the long run, stopping your wife from getting a job is a deeply bizarre behavior. There are a handful of “good” explanations for it, perhaps some fear of abandonment, however, this needs to be communicated and dealt with. In other words, one shouldn’t marry if they can’t handle their partner being out of their sight, a marriage means working together and not giving into every selfish whim.
After all, a couple exists to support each other and build each other up. This break of trust is both as concerning as it is horrible. Commenters were quick to suggest that OP leave him immediately, which, fortunately, she did, as she shared in a short update. After all, who knows what he would do next? OP can’t just be jobless for the rest of her life, particularly when she actually has a desire to work. This man needs to get his priorities straight or risk remaining alone forever.
Reader’s called out the husband’s behavior
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
Husband's behaviour is extremely problematic but I still don't understand why OP didn't call a cab/friend/relative/take public transport (if available).
Complete conjecture, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he subtly hinted at ride shares being bad, dangerous, or too expensive. Hence him knowing that taking her keys would make her miss the interview. One of the more subtle manipulation tactics.
Load More Replies...
For those people saying she should have used an Uber, there are many people like me who have no idea how to use that system (Do we tip? How to use the app? Etc.) I live in a smaller town and it's not available within 100 kilometers. Also, I have a car and am used to that, so never depend on anything else. People in large cities have this as a norm, but it really is less available in outer suburbs. Having said all of that, I would have called a cab. But this husband would probably have made sure she missed days at work as well, not a good look for a new job.
I agree! I don't use ride-share apps at all and it's a little difficult to set one up so quickly. I can see her looking for her keys after getting ready on her way out of the door (b/c who thinks to double-check where their car keys are ahead of that?). Even if she had thought of it, it's possible one couldn't have been so readily available on the spot or be expensive (it happens in both cases at times).
Load More Replies...
An outsider might think hubby loves and cherishs you, I say might because further thought would recognize a controlling manchild. Run run run away, this is only the beginning and will get much worse.
Husband's behaviour is extremely problematic but I still don't understand why OP didn't call a cab/friend/relative/take public transport (if available).
Complete conjecture, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he subtly hinted at ride shares being bad, dangerous, or too expensive. Hence him knowing that taking her keys would make her miss the interview. One of the more subtle manipulation tactics.
Load More Replies... For those people saying she should have used an Uber, there are many people like me who have no idea how to use that system (Do we tip? How to use the app? Etc.) I live in a smaller town and it's not available within 100 kilometers. Also, I have a car and am used to that, so never depend on anything else. People in large cities have this as a norm, but it really is less available in outer suburbs. Having said all of that, I would have called a cab. But this husband would probably have made sure she missed days at work as well, not a good look for a new job.
I agree! I don't use ride-share apps at all and it's a little difficult to set one up so quickly. I can see her looking for her keys after getting ready on her way out of the door (b/c who thinks to double-check where their car keys are ahead of that?). Even if she had thought of it, it's possible one couldn't have been so readily available on the spot or be expensive (it happens in both cases at times).
Load More Replies... An outsider might think hubby loves and cherishs you, I say might because further thought would recognize a controlling manchild. Run run run away, this is only the beginning and will get much worse.
47
34