“I Feel So Deceived”: Guy Has 21K Debt, Wife Livid As Her Salary Raise Will Go To Clearing It

When you start a life with someone, you expect them to be honest about a lot of things, especially those that concern both of you. That can include a variety of things, from the people you’re getting involved with to money. 

The latter is what drove a wedge between the OP and her husband. But it’s not the common story about them struggling with finances and that impacting their relationship – this one includes a lot of secrecy, mental spiraling, and broken dreams of the future. 

More info: mumsnet

Planning your life with someone means being honest with them about a lot

Woman calculating finances at table, holding cash and writing in notebook, illustrating hidden huge debt situation.

Image credits: zzbfoto / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Yet, sometimes people aren’t that honest with their partners – just like the husband from today’s story

Wife discovers husband’s huge debt of 21k, shocked he kept the secret and debt grew from 5k to 21k over time.

Text excerpt discussing a husband’s large debt from years ago, highlighting poor money management and secret financial struggles.

Text excerpt about clearing huge debt with an IVA, second job, and becoming debt free to buy a house.

Wife shocked and angry learning husband has a huge debt he has been secretly keeping for over 10 years.

Text about learning from debt, career promotions, and a pay rise to 61k per year, highlighting debt and financial growth.

Text excerpt about struggling with debt after leaving school early, reflecting on hidden huge debt in a secretive relationship.

Text excerpt about wife learning husband’s huge debt, showing shock and feelings of betrayal over secret financial burden.

Wife reacts with anger after discovering husband’s huge debt and keeping financial secrets from her.

Text excerpt about separate finances and earnings, related to husband’s hidden huge debt causing wife's frustration.

Text excerpt discussing a wife discovering her husband’s huge debt and feelings of betrayal.

Text showing a wife expressing frustration after learning her husband has a huge debt he kept secret, causing fights.

Text showing a wife discussing joint bills and household expenses while unaware of husband's huge debt kept secret from her.

Man sitting at table, looking distressed while checking empty wallet and counting few coins, facing huge debt issue.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

One day, the wife learned that her husband is a lot of money in debt, way more than he said previously

Wife feels hurt and angry after learning husband has huge debt he kept secret, feeling deceived and sorry for herself.

Text on a plain white background stating uncertainty about being over dramatic and expecting to be told if so.

Text showing frustration about husband avoiding sharing his finances, highlighting hidden debt and secrecy issues.

Text about a wife discovering her husband has a huge debt and feeling upset he kept it secret.

Text showing a wife discovering her husband’s huge debt and feeling upset he kept it a secret.

Text on a white background saying Im sorry this is long. I’ve left the house to clear my head and I’m literally digesting this as I type.

Text asking for advice about being dramatic over a husband secretly hiding a huge debt and how to handle finances now.

Text excerpt showing a wife upset after discovering husband's huge debt he kept secret.

Alt text: Woman upset after discovering husband's huge debt and secret financial issues affecting money management.

Text message conversation showing a wife confronting her husband about his secret huge debt, feeling upset and betrayed.

Woman holding credit card and using laptop, concerned about huge debt and financial secrets in a home setting.

Image credits: mrmohock / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The news made her mentally spiral, since for years she thought he was slowly paying it off

Alt text: Wife feels betrayed after learning husband hid huge debt, causing trust issues and emotional turmoil in their relationship.

Text excerpt showing a wife frustrated after discovering husband's huge debt and secret financial lies during an argument.

Text excerpt about husband’s huge debt and secret spending on petrol, shopping, and subscriptions.

Text showing a wife questioning her husband about his secret huge debt and monthly payments including lottery direct debit.

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Sad message about husband's huge debt and the emotional impact of keeping it a secret from his wife.

Text excerpt about a wife feeling burdened taking control of husband's spending and hidden huge debt responsibility.

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Text saying wife feels stupid after discovering husband's large hidden debt, planning to monitor credit report closely.

Text excerpt expressing concern about pending promotion and anticipating something going wrong, reflecting feelings of betrayal and hidden issues related to debt.

Text message expressing gratitude for advice and support after learning about husband's huge debt kept secret.

Image credits: deirdrechilly

Turns out, he was only increasing it, which now stumped all plans the woman had for their future

One day, almost seemingly out of the blue, the OP’s husband told her he was £21k in debt, which is around $27,000. What made this revelation so shocking was that just a week prior to this, he told her he was £7k in debt, which is three times less of an amount and still seemed like a big one back then. 

You see, when the couple met, they both were in debt, but they decided to work on it and pay it off so they could have a better future. And that’s what the woman has been doing for years – working on promotions with pay raises, working two jobs, and all things like that. 

She thought her husband was doing the same thing. But, oh boy, was she wrong. He was hesitant to get a 2nd job, kept fighting with his wife about money, was never open about his finances, and spent money on relatively pointless stuff. 

Well, it’s not surprising that the woman is experiencing such stress regarding money – she’s not the only one in the world stressing about it. In fact, money is considered one of the most common stressors, especially when it comes to affording things or managing debt. 

Wife and husband sitting apart on couch with arms crossed, showing tension over hidden huge debt and financial secrets.

Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

After all, if you really think about it, a debt, even if it’s a relatively small one, can basically ruin a person’s life. Well, at least it will majorly affect it in various ways. Starting with financial issues – if you’re in debt, it might be way harder or, in some cases, even impossible to get a loan for something else or a mortgage. 

That’s what the OP is worried about, too – since she imagined both their debts were slowly getting cleared, she let herself dream about getting a house, which now will be much harder to do. 

Not to mention her mental spiraling – debt can also affect one’s mental well-being, too. The stress that it brings on not only feels terrible at the moment, but also can take a toll in the long run. For instance, it can bring on depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). And we don’t have to tell you how detrimental mental illnesses can be. 

Even if all of this wasn’t enough for the OP, there was also the matter of the husband’s dishonesty and straight-up selfishness. That’s why netizens expressed that, in their opinion, her life would be much easier without his weight around her neck. 

Do you agree with the netizens’ stance? If not, please explain yours in the comments!

Netizens urged the woman to dump this man – in their eyes, he’s only a weight around her neck, nothing more

Text post by Cloverforever expressing frustration about a metaphorical lead weight around the neck.

Comment on a forum post expressing anger about a husband hiding a huge debt from his wife.

Comment about husband’s huge debt and advice on clearing it by living within his means and cutting cards.

Comment about divorcing husband due to huge debt he kept secret, causing trust and financial issues.

Comment discussing frustration about husband’s huge debt and secrecy, questioning if spouse expects payment.

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