Man Confused Why Wife Lies About Him To Her Friends, Finds Even More Text Conversations

Chores, cooking, and laundry – the three things at home that seem to be never-ending. As there usually seems to be no end in sight, it might be best to tackle them as a team and not leave it to one person in the household to carry all the load.

Yet in his home, this redditor was the one taking care of most of the chores. That didn’t seem to bother him much, though, that was until he overheard his wife talking to her friends about it all.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist, author, and mental health advocate, Dr. Monica Vermani, who was kind enough to share her insight on how disagreements over chores can affect people’s relationship.

Chores are way easier to tackle when it’s a team effort

Man in a white shirt putting on yellow cleaning gloves, illustrating a response to being called unhelpful in household chores.

Image credits: senivpetro / freepik (not the actual photo)

This man had to take care of most chores on his own

Text on image discussing a husband's household contributions to his wife.

Text image discussing a husband's capability of doing household chores and its impact on his wife's perception.

Text from a husband listing household tasks addressing being called unhelpful.

Text from a husband's response about his family being great cooks, related to "unhelpful" claims.

Text about husband managing chores and cooking, but struggling with making tea or coffee.

Text excerpt discussing parenting and household tasks related to the keyword "unhelpful husband.

Text excerpt describing a husband's work and family responsibilities.

Text image about a wife claiming responsibility for house cleanliness, sparking husband's response on being "unhelpful.

Text about unhelpful spouses in marriages and feeling uncomfortable.

Text exchange about household roles where husband defends his helpfulness in marriage.

A woman and a man argue in a kitchen, discussing his helpfulness in household tasks.

Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)

Text expressing husband's feelings of being unappreciated after wife calls him unhelpful.

Text discussing relationship dynamics, focusing on a husband's unhelpfulness and his response.

Text highlighting husband's response to being called unhelpful, expressing frustration and desire for acknowledgment.

Image credits: ThrowRa_SadHusband8

Many couples admit having disagreements over chores

Husband and wife cleaning the kitchen, wearing gloves, engaged in a discussion about chores.

Image credits: avistock / freepik (not the actual photo)

Unless you’re like Monica from Friends, you probably don’t look forward to dancing around with the vacuum cleaner or scrubbing the bathroom tile. I will even go as far as to assume that few people do. That’s why it can become quite tiring and annoying, especially if you’re the only one taking care of chores in a dwelling housing multiple people.

Unless we’re talking about babies here, it only makes sense to divide the load of the never-ending chores between all members of the household. But there is no right way to share the tasks and responsibilities, so families, couples, or roommates usually come up with an arrangement of their own. One key thing when it comes to such arrangements, though, is making sure that everyone involved is okay with it.

Needless to say, not being happy with the way chores are divided between household members can cast a cloud over their relationships. When it comes to couples, for instance, the vast majority admit that housework has caused troubles within their relationship. A survey of 2,000 Americans who live with a partner found that as much as 80% of them had had disagreements about housework, and one-fifth of them said that they would have such disagreements often. What are the main points discussed during said disagreements, you wonder? When to do housework, how to do it, and, last but definitely not least, who should do it.

“Remember that your partner is not your parent,” expert says

Husband on couch using phone while wife vacuums holding child, highlighting "unhelpful" dynamic.

Image credits: Grinvalds / freepik (not the actual photo)

Discussing how chores can affect a romantic relationship, the clinical psychologist, author, and mental health advocate Dr. Monica Vermani made four points to keep in mind, to make sure that chores don’t stand in the way of a good relationship: choosing your partner wisely, prioritizing your relationship, remembering that your partner is not your parent, and seeking the help of a couple or marriage therapist or counselor, if need be.

“Though we could get along or have a relationship with any number of different people, and sometimes opposites attract, it is important to choose a partner who aligns with your values. When someone aligns with your values, you will not need to cajole, remind, prompt, or nag them to live up to your expectations,” the expert suggested, discussing the first of the four. “Choose your partner wisely, and your daily life will not be an uphill battle, and you will be less likely to feel alone, taken advantage of, and disrespected in your relationship.”

Talking about the second point—prioritizing the relationship—Dr. Vermani emphasized that it’s important to work on areas of conflict. “Take an inventory of both your and your partner’s needs, wants, and expectations. Be honest with yourself and with your partner when you feel undervalued. Don’t let things slide into disrepair. Stay present and engaged. Set an intention to keep your relationship healthy and respectful.

“Remember that your partner is not your parent,” Dr. Vermani continued. “A mature, sustainable partnership involves both partners trying to contribute fairly and equitably to the running and flourishing of both the partnership and the household. Stay mindful of old habits and patterns from your role models, and how re-enacting these role models could negatively impact the quality — and sustenance — of your relationship.”

Lastly, don’t hesitate to look for help outside the relationship, if you are struggling with sharing the burden of household and family responsibilities, the expert suggests. “A therapist or counselor can help with conflict resolution, communication problems, feelings of disconnection, and rebuilding trust in your relationship.”

It’s important to keep in mind that taking your partner for granted will lead to consequences

Woman looking pensive while a man holding a ring stands next to her, highlighting an unhelpful relationship dynamic.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Unfortunately, sometimes, even if you feel like you’ve chosen your partner wisely, they might end up taking you for granted, as the OP’s wife seemingly did. Not only that, she took credit for keeping the house clean, when in reality, it was her husband’s doing, which didn’t play to her advantage, either.

“Individuals who are in a serious intimate-partner relationship need to realize that they cannot take their partner for granted, or that hurtful or thoughtless behaviors have consequences,” Dr. Vermani noted, talking about how similar situations can influence romantic relationships.

“They need to realize that besides being a choice, love is also a verb! Love means acting with compassion and kindness toward your partner. The goal needs to be to show our love through our actions. We need to be the best version of ourselves in order that our partner continues to choose us,” she added.

“Bottom line – taking people for granted leads to consequences,” Dr. Vermani said, and she couldn’t have been more right. In the OP’s case, the consequences were marriage counselling, as he later shared in one of his updates, letting fellow netizens in on how the story unraveled.

Netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, they didn’t keep their opinions to themselves

Text exchange discussing husband being "unhelpful," with users commenting on appreciation and relationship dynamics.

Reddit comments discussing an "unhelpful" husband and the balance of home responsibilities.

Reddit comments discussing a husband's response to his wife's unhelpful accusation.

Reddit post discussing household chores and relationship dynamics, mentioning how responsibilities are equally split.

Discussion post on gender roles with a husband responding to being called unhelpful by his wife.

Reddit comment discussing an unhelpful husband, highlighting frustration over chores and fairness in relationships.

Comment discusses stereotypes about men being unhelpful at cleaning influenced by 90s TV.

Reddit comment discussing relationship roles and responsibilities.

Reddit post discussing relationship fairness and highlighting partner support in context of the "unhelpful" husband debate.

Reddit comment discussing unhelpful husbands and spousal responsibilities.

Comment on a discussion about an unhelpful husband sharing his perspective.

Reddit comment responding to a discussion about an unhelpful husband.

Text comment on forum discussing a husband's disagreement over being called "unhelpful.

A Reddit comment about being petty with chores, related to a husband being called unhelpful.

Reddit comment discussing a husband's contributions and seeking appreciation from his wife.

Comment expressing annoyance over someone being "unhelpful" in a discussion.

Reddit comment discussing household responsibilities and challenging the "unhelpful husband" narrative.

Reddit comment defending husband, proposing that a strong partner is beneficial and not unhelpful.

Text screenshot about "unhelpful" husband arguing over marriage dynamics and support issues.

Some people shared similar stories

Reddit comment discussing household roles, husband's contributions, and wife's need for appreciation.

Text post discussing a husband's role in cleaning the kitchen while the wife manages the rest of the house.

Comment discussing a husband feeling unappreciated, mentioning credit and honesty in relationships.

Text exchange about household chores; husband responds to "unhelpful" claim with list of tasks he performs.

User comment discussing household chores and relationship dynamics.

Reddit comment responding to a post about a wife calling her husband unhelpful, defending the husband's contributions.

Man in bed with folded arms, looking thoughtful, highlighting the theme of being unhelpful in relationships.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

The OP later provided an update on how the story continued

Text update discussing an argument with a wife, expressing disbelief and sharing efforts to communicate over perceived issues.

Text screenshot referencing a wife calling her husband "unhelpful.

Text discussing division of home duties between husband and wife.

Text from husband listing tasks and discussing family responsibilities.

Text discussing a disagreement between wife and husband about chore duties.

Text image depicting a frustrated husband responding to accusations of being unhelpful.

Text recounting husband's morning routine, mentioning driving kids to school and wife's forgotten lunch on kitchen counter.

Couple having a discussion in their living room while a child looks on, highlighting unhelpful dynamics.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Text about feeling ignored and unhelpful in a long marriage.

Text expressing frustration about handling issues with spouse in front of children.

Netizens believed the man was worthy of more respect from his wife

Online forum post discussing an unhelpful husband argument, suggesting marital counseling.

Comment discussing respect in relationships and the impact on children, related to husband being called unhelpful.

Reddit comment giving advice on marital issues, husband labeled "unhelpful," discussing communication and relationship dynamics.

Text advising husband on chore division, reflecting on respect and fairness; relevant to "unhelpful" and domestic responsibilities.

Text post about marital conflict, wife described as disrespectful and potentially unfaithful; advises husband to leave.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ThrowRa_SadHusband8

Image credits: Dionisvero / freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ThrowRa_SadHusband8

Image credits: veronikasmirnaya / freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ThrowRa_SadHusband8

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