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18
Mom Embraced The Open Marriage Dad Suggested, Now He Can’t Handle The Consequences
We could almost write the script ourselves. Person begs for open marriage, realizes it works both ways, quickly regrets it. We’ve seen the story play out so many times before, and still, some people never learn.
A woman has shared how her dad asked her very conservative, Christian mom to spice things up by allowing other people into their relationship. What he didn’t anticipate was that his wife would end up scoring more than he did. Now he’s suddenly furious, going as far as implying that she’s cheating. The daughter has spilled all the tea online.
RELATED:
A conservative woman was mortified when her husband asked for an open marriage
Image credits: Orhan Pergel / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She reluctantly agreed to it and ended up loving it. Now her husband is furious
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: shurkin_son / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
The daughter later revealed that things had taken a wild turn
Image credits: Xavier crook / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowAway_chosen
Open relationships aren’t as fun as they sound, the experts explain
Image credits: Ivan Oleynikov / Unspalsh (not the actual photo)
An open relationship or marriage is one where you and your partner agree to allow intimate encounters with other people.
“They fall under the ENM (ethically non-monogamous) umbrella,” explains Ashera DeRosa, licensed marriage and family therapist at Whole Stories Therapy, adding that these relationships are sometimes referred to as “monogamish.”
ENM, or consensual non-monogamy (CNM), is based on honesty, and that’s what sets it apart from infidelity, cheating, or any scenario where other intimate connections are kept secret.
Consensual non-monogamy is more common than many people might realize. According to research, around 1 in 5 single American adults have participated in a CNM relationship at some point in their lives.
But while it might seem like fun, games and freedom, experts warn that opening up your relationship can come with risks. Especially if boundaries aren’t clear or both partners aren’t equally invested in the idea.
Some of the pitfalls you could encounter include one or both partners feeling anxiety, fear or jealousy, the risk of sexually transmitted infections or disease and time management/partner commitment challenges.
Then there’s the issue of finances being stretched, with increased expenses for other partners. You may also find yourself in a position of dealing with secondary partners who suddenly decide they want more out of the relationship.
John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist, writes that for an open relationship to work, two people have to not only be on the same page but must truly be honest with themselves. They have to ask themselves if they have the ability, and the inner capacity, to be completely okay with their partner being intimate with others, he advises.
Kim says it’s not a matter of just handling it but it’s also about not allowing it to interfere with them loving their partner as much or even more with this new agreement.
“If you feel intimidated or less than because your partner experienced an orgasm with someone else, then you probably shouldn’t open your relationship,” warns the expert.
“Open marriage, but just for me”: People were quick to point out the man’s double standards
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What do you think ?
megabeth 2 months ago
EPIC tale of FAFO. Cheers to that. The way she confided in her daughter as if she was another grown woman...not cool. We have the word parentification. Is there a term for a parent over sharing and relying on their child for all of their emotional support?
Tyke 2 months ago (edited)
Parentification still works for this. I think Binky is thinking of Instrumental Parentification (ie looking after siblings, cooking for the family, etc). This is a prime example however of Emotional Parentification - still highly inappropriate as these conversations were not always appropriate for OP's age.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 2 months ago
How many of these stories have we read where the hubby thinks having an open marriage is a *swell* idea but goes off the rails when wife does *so much better* than he does? Sounds like these guys are too busy thnking with their little heads to think this all the way through.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 months ago (edited)
I was in a sort-of-similar situation - when I was 38, my boyfriend (now ex) told me that he found me "physically disgusting" and that he wasn't attracted to me any more because I'd gotten fat. (I am 5'5" and was around 180lbs at the time; definitely overweight, but not obese.) We hadn't had séx in 6-7 YEARS at that point, so it obviously *wasn't* my weight (I had been around 140lbs for most of that time period.) He didn't want to break up, but he DID want me to restrict calories (I was "allowed" 1,200/day, according to him) and get on an exercise regimen HE made for me. Basically he wanted a "hot, fit girlfriend". I was devastated when he told me I disgusted him, so a few nights later I was talking to my co-workers at work about how sad I was. Most of them were straight guys in their early 20s. One of them was quiet for a long moment, and then he said, "Your boyfriend is an idiot. *I'D* fúck you." XD Crude, but sentiment was appreciated, lol. The others agreed that I wasn't "disgusting" and was actually attractive AND funny (I'm a lifelong class clown) and if I were closer to their age, they'd ask me out. It took me a few more years to escape the relationship, but I moved back home now. Ironically I've lost weight since I've been home and I'm close to my usual weight of 140lbs! XD I'm sure if I'd stayed with him, he eventually would have asked for an "open relationship".
Load More Replies...
Caitlin Davenport 2 months ago
One of my favorite benefits of an open relationship: being able to see when your partner is treating you like s**t and not accepting it anymore!
Scott Rackley 2 months ago
I love the thought of buff hot mom out here patrolling the gym for some horizontal exercise. I hope she showed him pictures of the guys she was pulling.
Megan Romero-Herman 2 months ago
Men wanting open marriages and then regretting it after the women get more a*s will always be my favorite FAFO moments
Nils Skirnir 2 months ago
Conservative Xtianity and other conservative Abrahamic religions =>> female slavery
Tabitha 2 months ago (edited)
Plain to see. Hubby wanted to bang his secretary but always have the fallback of his marriage. Secretary, thinking HE owned the company with dollar signs in her eyes, suggests the open marriage. Dummy follows through on it and starts banging the secretary, deluding himself that she’s into him because he’s so hot—-they never do see the golddigger because their little brain is in control. Wife is good looking and in shape, and is wildly successful at finding men—-more successful than he is finding women, if he’s looking to cheat on the secretary he’s already cheating with. Husband sees his wife be so popular, and gets insecure about his fallback, so gets nasty and insulting to his wife in an effort to shame her as a way to get her back. Yeah, like THAT’s going to work /s. Anyway, wife continues her new popular life, so hubby’s last ditch effort to shock her back to her old self is to serve her with divorce papers. But she’s OK with that and gets a good lawyer, who discovers that the company everyone thought belonged to hubby actually belongs to his wife! Upon learning that, secretary dumps hubby, and he can’t find any woman who will give him the time of day, while wife continues the divorce process because she’s an independently wealthy woman now, and can now start looking for a man who isn’t just interested in hooking up, but in spending quality time being with her outside the bedroom. Hubby, now his wife’s employee and not the owner, just gets sadder and sadder. All because he wanted to bang his secretary, who suggested he open his marriage if he was so hesitant to divorce his wife. Textbook example of FAFO, and boy did he not only FA like a fool, he FO he’s not even the big important business owner he thought he was, and his wife could fire his sorry a*s any time she wants.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 months ago
Love how often these open marriage stories end up with the pos husband jealous, insecure and lonely 😆
Gebidozo 2 months ago
Applauding the daughter and the mother. 99.99% of the time when those dudes suggest an “open marriage” what they really mean is “I want to sleep with other women”. The hypocrisy was successfully spotted and the guy got a taste of his own medicine. Good riddance!
Angie Falzarano 2 months ago
Yeah the men want to bang other women but dont want the wives to do anything but wait for hubby to come home so they can treat them like s**t. Get made when the wife as better luck with men and he gets nothing.
Load More Replies...
Gebidozo 2 months ago
I’m not old fashioned, but I don’t understand it either. In my opinion, the whole point of being in a committed relationship is that you don’t fool around with other people and savor the beauty of being only with “the one”, body and soul. That said, it’s my personal preference and I don’t judge people who have knowingly, wholeheartedly, mutually agreed to be polygamous yet to stay together in their committed relationship.
Load More Replies...
Tropical Tarot 2 months ago (edited)
If you want an open marriage you need to both agree to it wholeheartedly and be open with each other. Ethical non monogamy takes a whole lot of communication. A lot more than the average couple in Western society is used to. It is not for everyone. When you get things right, it's one of the best things in the world.
Kate Johnson 2 months ago
Typical weak pathetic loser who highly overestimates his own appeal.
Pittsburgh rare 2 months ago
Men who believe they'll do better than their wives in the dating arena are the epitome of delusion
Donna Harris 3 weeks ago
So your dad wanted to sleep with his secretary without realizing that she was only doing it because he was her boss...Hahaha...Rock on mom, you're free to fall in love with someone who thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread. Those christian friends? They aren't christian btw. I really enjoyed this story.
Kalikima 2 months ago (edited)
My open marriage lasted 7 years. That's how long it took for him to meet his first woman, and he kicked me out 4 months later. He kicked me out for his first relationship, and they were broken up before I'd even made it to my hometown. Oh, did he have regrets! He called me, told me he was in the bathtub and was going to slit his wrists and just wanted to say goodbye. I called the police for a welfare check on him on my mom's phone and listened as they showed up, he wasn't even in the tub. I hung up and that was when I finally realized I was free from him and his abúse. I didn't have to answer when he called anymore. He tossed me away, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me, even if I had to start over with nothing but a trash bag full of clothes and a box of books. Oh, and I was 6 months pregnant. ETA: we were married 9 years before he decided he wanted to open the marriage, he didn't meet someone for 7 years, but I actively dated and had relationships during that time. He lived vicariously through me, I think, for all those years. Once he met his first girlfriend, she decided she didn't want a pregnant wife around and told him to get rid of me. He (36) decided that a brand new 21 year old would be more fun than a pregnant 35 year old, even one you'd been with since she was 18. We were married 16 years total..
JayWantsACat 2 months ago
Every one of these "guy wants open relationship; grows to regret it" feeds my soul.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago (edited)
I love stories like these. Too bad dad doesn't read AITAs on Reddit.
megabeth 2 months ago
EPIC tale of FAFO. Cheers to that. The way she confided in her daughter as if she was another grown woman...not cool. We have the word parentification. Is there a term for a parent over sharing and relying on their child for all of their emotional support?
Tyke 2 months ago (edited)
Parentification still works for this. I think Binky is thinking of Instrumental Parentification (ie looking after siblings, cooking for the family, etc). This is a prime example however of Emotional Parentification - still highly inappropriate as these conversations were not always appropriate for OP's age.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 2 months ago
How many of these stories have we read where the hubby thinks having an open marriage is a *swell* idea but goes off the rails when wife does *so much better* than he does? Sounds like these guys are too busy thnking with their little heads to think this all the way through.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 months ago (edited)
I was in a sort-of-similar situation - when I was 38, my boyfriend (now ex) told me that he found me "physically disgusting" and that he wasn't attracted to me any more because I'd gotten fat. (I am 5'5" and was around 180lbs at the time; definitely overweight, but not obese.) We hadn't had séx in 6-7 YEARS at that point, so it obviously *wasn't* my weight (I had been around 140lbs for most of that time period.) He didn't want to break up, but he DID want me to restrict calories (I was "allowed" 1,200/day, according to him) and get on an exercise regimen HE made for me. Basically he wanted a "hot, fit girlfriend". I was devastated when he told me I disgusted him, so a few nights later I was talking to my co-workers at work about how sad I was. Most of them were straight guys in their early 20s. One of them was quiet for a long moment, and then he said, "Your boyfriend is an idiot. *I'D* fúck you." XD Crude, but sentiment was appreciated, lol. The others agreed that I wasn't "disgusting" and was actually attractive AND funny (I'm a lifelong class clown) and if I were closer to their age, they'd ask me out. It took me a few more years to escape the relationship, but I moved back home now. Ironically I've lost weight since I've been home and I'm close to my usual weight of 140lbs! XD I'm sure if I'd stayed with him, he eventually would have asked for an "open relationship".
Load More Replies... Caitlin Davenport 2 months ago
One of my favorite benefits of an open relationship: being able to see when your partner is treating you like s**t and not accepting it anymore!
Scott Rackley 2 months ago
I love the thought of buff hot mom out here patrolling the gym for some horizontal exercise. I hope she showed him pictures of the guys she was pulling.
Megan Romero-Herman 2 months ago
Men wanting open marriages and then regretting it after the women get more a*s will always be my favorite FAFO moments
Nils Skirnir 2 months ago
Conservative Xtianity and other conservative Abrahamic religions =>> female slavery
Tabitha 2 months ago (edited)
Plain to see. Hubby wanted to bang his secretary but always have the fallback of his marriage. Secretary, thinking HE owned the company with dollar signs in her eyes, suggests the open marriage. Dummy follows through on it and starts banging the secretary, deluding himself that she’s into him because he’s so hot—-they never do see the golddigger because their little brain is in control. Wife is good looking and in shape, and is wildly successful at finding men—-more successful than he is finding women, if he’s looking to cheat on the secretary he’s already cheating with. Husband sees his wife be so popular, and gets insecure about his fallback, so gets nasty and insulting to his wife in an effort to shame her as a way to get her back. Yeah, like THAT’s going to work /s. Anyway, wife continues her new popular life, so hubby’s last ditch effort to shock her back to her old self is to serve her with divorce papers. But she’s OK with that and gets a good lawyer, who discovers that the company everyone thought belonged to hubby actually belongs to his wife! Upon learning that, secretary dumps hubby, and he can’t find any woman who will give him the time of day, while wife continues the divorce process because she’s an independently wealthy woman now, and can now start looking for a man who isn’t just interested in hooking up, but in spending quality time being with her outside the bedroom. Hubby, now his wife’s employee and not the owner, just gets sadder and sadder. All because he wanted to bang his secretary, who suggested he open his marriage if he was so hesitant to divorce his wife. Textbook example of FAFO, and boy did he not only FA like a fool, he FO he’s not even the big important business owner he thought he was, and his wife could fire his sorry a*s any time she wants.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 months ago
Love how often these open marriage stories end up with the pos husband jealous, insecure and lonely 😆
Gebidozo 2 months ago
Applauding the daughter and the mother. 99.99% of the time when those dudes suggest an “open marriage” what they really mean is “I want to sleep with other women”. The hypocrisy was successfully spotted and the guy got a taste of his own medicine. Good riddance!
Angie Falzarano 2 months ago
Yeah the men want to bang other women but dont want the wives to do anything but wait for hubby to come home so they can treat them like s**t. Get made when the wife as better luck with men and he gets nothing.
Load More Replies... Gebidozo 2 months ago
I’m not old fashioned, but I don’t understand it either. In my opinion, the whole point of being in a committed relationship is that you don’t fool around with other people and savor the beauty of being only with “the one”, body and soul. That said, it’s my personal preference and I don’t judge people who have knowingly, wholeheartedly, mutually agreed to be polygamous yet to stay together in their committed relationship.
Load More Replies... Tropical Tarot 2 months ago (edited)
If you want an open marriage you need to both agree to it wholeheartedly and be open with each other. Ethical non monogamy takes a whole lot of communication. A lot more than the average couple in Western society is used to. It is not for everyone. When you get things right, it's one of the best things in the world.
Kate Johnson 2 months ago
Typical weak pathetic loser who highly overestimates his own appeal.
Pittsburgh rare 2 months ago
Men who believe they'll do better than their wives in the dating arena are the epitome of delusion
Donna Harris 3 weeks ago
So your dad wanted to sleep with his secretary without realizing that she was only doing it because he was her boss...Hahaha...Rock on mom, you're free to fall in love with someone who thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread. Those christian friends? They aren't christian btw. I really enjoyed this story.
Kalikima 2 months ago (edited)
My open marriage lasted 7 years. That's how long it took for him to meet his first woman, and he kicked me out 4 months later. He kicked me out for his first relationship, and they were broken up before I'd even made it to my hometown. Oh, did he have regrets! He called me, told me he was in the bathtub and was going to slit his wrists and just wanted to say goodbye. I called the police for a welfare check on him on my mom's phone and listened as they showed up, he wasn't even in the tub. I hung up and that was when I finally realized I was free from him and his abúse. I didn't have to answer when he called anymore. He tossed me away, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me, even if I had to start over with nothing but a trash bag full of clothes and a box of books. Oh, and I was 6 months pregnant. ETA: we were married 9 years before he decided he wanted to open the marriage, he didn't meet someone for 7 years, but I actively dated and had relationships during that time. He lived vicariously through me, I think, for all those years. Once he met his first girlfriend, she decided she didn't want a pregnant wife around and told him to get rid of me. He (36) decided that a brand new 21 year old would be more fun than a pregnant 35 year old, even one you'd been with since she was 18. We were married 16 years total..
JayWantsACat 2 months ago
Every one of these "guy wants open relationship; grows to regret it" feeds my soul.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago (edited)
I love stories like these. Too bad dad doesn't read AITAs on Reddit.
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