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103
Unexpected Dinner Party Charge Leaves Guests Outraged: “I Didn’t Do This For Free”
Interview With ExpertPreparing food for others can certainly be a love language. No matter how long I have to spend in the kitchen, it’s worth it when I get to see my friends’ eyes light up as they take a bite of a delicious homecooked lasagna or warm chocolate chip cookie. But when we cook for others, it’s best not to expect anything in return. Otherwise, the evening might turn from sweet to sour extremely quickly.
One woman recently posted a story on Reddit detailing how a friend’s dinner party took a sharp turn at the end of the evening when the host started asking for payment. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as a conversation with dinner party enthusiast and creator of the blog Feed My Friends, Kim Roberts.
RELATED:
Throwing a dinner party can be a great way to bring friends closer together
Image credits: AnnaStills / Envato (not the actual photo)
But one host managed to destroy her friendships after deciding to charge guests for the meal she prepared
Later, the woman clarified some details about the situation
Image credits: zamrznutitonovi / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: jennysaysfu
Readers assured the author that it was extremely unreasonable for the host to demand payment
The woman then shared an update after her friend group confronted the host
Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: jennysaysfu
Sharing a meal is an excellent way to bond with loved ones
One of the unfortunate realities of adulthood is that it’s not always easy to gather friends together. Grabbing a quick coffee during the middle of the week might be possible if you have the same lunch break as a friend, but spending good, quality time together catching up and bonding can require booking a date months in advance. According to Civic Science, only 43% of Americans hang out with friends on a daily or weekly basis. One fifth don’t even get to see friends monthly!
So when we do have the chance to see our loved ones, we want to ensure that the time is spent being really present and strengthening our existing relationships. And one of the best ways to build a stronger bond is by sharing a meal together. As much fun as it may be to prepare a delicious meal for yourself, it’s much more exciting and rewarding to get to do so for someone else.
And while we can’t turn every single meal into a 4-hour event, and the world is moving in a direction where the average person eats over 7 meals alone each week, it’s important to remember to make time for special, shared meals whenever possible. Food is a wonderful way to exchange cultures, celebrate holidays, learn about our own ancestors, create bonds with others and express love.
“If you’re on a budget, try a potluck and make a hearty main dish that doesn’t break the bank”
Image credits: Rufina Rusakova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
To learn more about this topic, we reached out to dinner party enthusiast and creator of the blog Feed My Friends, Kim Roberts. Kim was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss dinner party etiquette. As far as why we throw dinner parties in the first place, Kim says they’re for “creating memorable experiences with friends and family.”
When it comes to whether or not it’s ever appropriate for the host to ask guests to pay for a dinner party, Kim says she’s never asked for payment. “If you’ve offered to host a dinner, you’re going to be spending more money and time than your guests. So if you’re not okay with that, then don’t offer to host,” the expert says. “If you’re on a budget, try a potluck and make a hearty main dish that doesn’t break the bank (slow cooked cheap cuts of meat and vegetarian/legume stews go far).”
“Asking for money to cover your costs is cheap, and I don’t recommend it. That being said, if the dinner party event was something very specific (such as a blind wine tasting for a specific varietal of wine), where it was easier that the host purchased all the wine in advance, then it would be fair to ask everyone to chip in,” Kim noted. “In this case e-transfer/cash/Venmo would be fine, but guests would know about this in advance.”
We were also curious about the responsibilities that dinner party guests have. “Hosts want their dinner party guests to enjoy themselves, so if they see their guests relaxing and having fun, they’ll be happy,” the expert says. “If you want to bring something, bring something useful that won’t create more work for the host (i.e. don’t bring a bouquet of flowers that needs a big vase the host has to find in the back of their cupboards, or a dish they didn’t ask for).”
“People remember experiences, not material things”
Image credits: August de Richelieu / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“You can offer to pick up a bag of ice, sparkling water, or bring a bottle of wine. Don’t bring money,” Kim continued. “You can also bring a few conversation starters when the conversation gets dull.”
“My latest one is ‘What would you do with a million dollars if you had to spend it on building or buying a business (you could still keep your day job if you wished)?’ It’s fun to know what people’s passion projects are and what they’re really into. Lastly, it’s always appreciated to tidy up a bit (help load the dishwasher or collect/stack dirty plates), but don’t feel like you need to go overboard,” the expert added.
Finally, Kim added that people remember experiences, not material things. “So just because you might not have the funds to go all out on a dinner party with expensive ingredients or fancy wine, try organizing a game or making a themed party (or my favorite, a blind taste test) for a memorable experience instead. And if you can’t host in your tiny shared apartment, get outside!”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Would you ever be willing to pay for a dinner party at a friend’s house? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing dinner party drama, look no further than right here!
Readers were shocked by the host’s behavior and assured the woman that her reaction was warranted
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What do you think ?
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
There are some unhinged people in the world. Going out, one might split the bill, but inviting people round - never. You may as well charge them for the lights and heating, and wear and tear on the carpet.
Ace 1 year ago
Not only the concept, but the amount - 40 dollars each? For a home cooked meal? I could just about understand asking people - in advance - to chip in to help pay for some of the ingredients for a special meal, but this woman's actually trying to make a profit out of it to cover her own time.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
A special meal that they had a hand in picking, sure. But this is her chosing everything with a party she chose to have and invited them to.
Load More Replies...
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
The only way I can see it working is if the ex-friend had been upfront and said "I'm broke but am happy to spend time cooking, would you all chip in $40 each" or "I have an idea for a side hustle, would you be my first customers for $40 each" .
MR 1 year ago
Even if they were broke, being upfront, knowing that these things can get expensive, it's entirely reasonable. But you don't surprise them like this.
Load More Replies...
Jan Hyde 1 year ago
Just tell her you will pay as soon as you've checked with the authorities that she has the appropriate licences, hygiene inspections, that she's registered the income for tax etc to run a restaurant from home.
BK BigFish 1 year ago
"I didn't spend hours shopping and cooking for free..." those of us who are parents will point out that that's exactly what we do, three meals a day, every single day for 18 years (give or take). That's what you do for family, and friends (AKA family we choose).
MR 1 year ago
It's one thing to host a get together and, up front, request money to pay for the food. Everyone who's coming pitches in, the host does the legwork knowing the budget and everyone enjoys a nice meal. No surprises, no drama. If you can't make it or pitch in, no worries. But to invite everyone over and wait until the very end to drop this expectation on them? Hell no. That's disgusting. You aren't a restaurant. And these are guests you *invited*.
H. B. Nielsen 1 year ago
The waiting until the end almost surely means she knew exactly what she was doing and that no one would have shown up. Especially insidious.
Load More Replies...
Connie Hirsch 1 year ago
I can remember my youthful friends occasionally holding a 'rent party' where the idea was to kick in to a kitty to help out a friend who was having (legitimate) money woes was getting voluntary contributions, in return for wine and beer and cheap nibbles, less costly than going out to a bar. And I could imagine, if you were a good cook, doing the same for a "gourmet party" -- but with the contribution part explicitly made clear in advance.
Ge Po 1 year ago
As a student, someone might say: "I'll cook, if you all pitch in." That usually meant everyone contributed gracefully, so the host would practically eat for free, but then it was the host who did the shopping, preparing and most of the cleaning. And it was agreed beforehand. Not, no, never afterwards.
R Dennis 1 year ago
She wouldn't have gotten a dime from me. If you expect money, say something first. What she did is no better than the bracelet scammers at tourist sites... worse actually.
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
There are some unhinged people in the world. Going out, one might split the bill, but inviting people round - never. You may as well charge them for the lights and heating, and wear and tear on the carpet.
Ace 1 year ago
Not only the concept, but the amount - 40 dollars each? For a home cooked meal? I could just about understand asking people - in advance - to chip in to help pay for some of the ingredients for a special meal, but this woman's actually trying to make a profit out of it to cover her own time.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
A special meal that they had a hand in picking, sure. But this is her chosing everything with a party she chose to have and invited them to.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 1 year ago
The only way I can see it working is if the ex-friend had been upfront and said "I'm broke but am happy to spend time cooking, would you all chip in $40 each" or "I have an idea for a side hustle, would you be my first customers for $40 each" .
MR 1 year ago
Even if they were broke, being upfront, knowing that these things can get expensive, it's entirely reasonable. But you don't surprise them like this.
Load More Replies... Jan Hyde 1 year ago
Just tell her you will pay as soon as you've checked with the authorities that she has the appropriate licences, hygiene inspections, that she's registered the income for tax etc to run a restaurant from home.
BK BigFish 1 year ago
"I didn't spend hours shopping and cooking for free..." those of us who are parents will point out that that's exactly what we do, three meals a day, every single day for 18 years (give or take). That's what you do for family, and friends (AKA family we choose).
MR 1 year ago
It's one thing to host a get together and, up front, request money to pay for the food. Everyone who's coming pitches in, the host does the legwork knowing the budget and everyone enjoys a nice meal. No surprises, no drama. If you can't make it or pitch in, no worries. But to invite everyone over and wait until the very end to drop this expectation on them? Hell no. That's disgusting. You aren't a restaurant. And these are guests you *invited*.
H. B. Nielsen 1 year ago
The waiting until the end almost surely means she knew exactly what she was doing and that no one would have shown up. Especially insidious.
Load More Replies... Connie Hirsch 1 year ago
I can remember my youthful friends occasionally holding a 'rent party' where the idea was to kick in to a kitty to help out a friend who was having (legitimate) money woes was getting voluntary contributions, in return for wine and beer and cheap nibbles, less costly than going out to a bar. And I could imagine, if you were a good cook, doing the same for a "gourmet party" -- but with the contribution part explicitly made clear in advance.
Ge Po 1 year ago
As a student, someone might say: "I'll cook, if you all pitch in." That usually meant everyone contributed gracefully, so the host would practically eat for free, but then it was the host who did the shopping, preparing and most of the cleaning. And it was agreed beforehand. Not, no, never afterwards.
R Dennis 1 year ago
She wouldn't have gotten a dime from me. If you expect money, say something first. What she did is no better than the bracelet scammers at tourist sites... worse actually.
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