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Flirting has changed a lot since conversations moved from bars and parties to dating apps and private messages. A screen can make it easier to approach someone, in fact, I actually met my wife on Facebook.

However, online messaging can also make people forget that there is another person on the receiving end. And, for all that’s holy, why on Earth would people feel that they can send anything that crosses their minds.

On Tumblr, women have been sharing screenshots of messages from men who take their, let’s call it “confidence”, a little too far. Some start with ordinary conversation before suddenly turning suggestive, while others skip the small talk altogether and send messages that nobody asked for.

These screenshots offer a revealing look at what happens when people feel far too comfortable behind a screen… and forget that not every advance is welcome.

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    People who send unsolicited images or messages do not always want the same thing. Some are looking to start a romantic or intimate connection, while others are driven by personal satisfaction, power, or control.

    A study of 816 undergraduate students found that 41.8% had sent an unsolicited nude or similar image. Of those, 64.3% said they were “partner hunting,” which suggests some people hope an unwanted advance will lead to romance or intimacy.

    What senders expect plays a role in their reasons for sending these images. Those who thought they would get a positive response, or did not expect a negative one, were more strongly connected to each motivation the researchers studied. This suggests some senders misjudge how recipients will react, instead of acting without any expectations.

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    There’s also a gap between what senders expect and what recipients actually feel. Most participants reported negative or ambivalent reactions to unsolicited images, while most senders expected a flirty response. This mismatch is important because a sender might see the message as an invitation, while the recipient feels something else.

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    There are also gender differences in expectations and reactions. Women were more likely to expect a flirty or positive response when thinking about how someone might react. However, women who actually received unsolicited images often reported feeling unsure or negative. This shows that hoping for a positive response does not mean both people are interested.

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    A screen can take away some of the social barriers that usually guide face-to-face conversations. Online disinhibition points to anonymity, invisibility, asynchronous communication and the lack of eye contact as factors that can weaken psychological barriers. So, someone typing alone at home deals with fewer social cues than someone speaking in person.

    This distance becomes important when someone sends an unwanted message. In person, you can quickly see if someone feels uncomfortable, confused, or wants to reject you. Online, the sender might never notice these reactions. Without eye contact or being in the same room, it is easier to keep typing without facing the other person’s response.

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    #8

    Screenshot of unhinged messages from a dating app, with one person sending multiple messages ranging from compliments to a marriage proposal.

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    Slapdash1
    Community Member
    37 minutes ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That escalated quickly. Sperg went through the whole meeting-dating-getting engaged thing in under a day, completely on his own

    #9

    A screenshot of unhinged messages showing a guy waiting a year and a half for a reply on Tinder.

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    Howl's sleeping castle
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where is this shower? Definitely not where this person is living

    The problem extends beyond isolated screenshots. A study of 388 young women found that 53.35% had received inappropriate messages from male strangers. Another 28.35% had received inappropriate pictures, while 23.30% had received unsolicited nude pictures of male genitalia. Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat appeared most often in their accounts.

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    The participants did not see these experiences as harmless flirting online. Many said they received unwanted nude images from strangers without any warning. Some also mentioned that men offered gifts or money in exchange for intimacy. These results show how quickly a private message can turn into pressure, harassment, or unwanted advances.

    #10

    A screenshot of an unhinged message from a dating app asking to go halfsies on a child.

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    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, what a disarming wit this numbskull has.

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    #12

    A screenshot showing unhinged messages in a dating app chat with a person named Ryan, showing several crude requests.

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    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really really hate myself for almost laughing at "mangos". Caught me off-guard. Guy is a p***k, though.

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    Another research published online shared that 36% of women under 40 in Britain had received unsolicited photos from someone who was not a dating or romantic partner. Of these women, 22% said they had received such an image during the previous 12 months. Overall, 8% of women under 40 reported receiving one during that period.

    #14

    Screenshot of unhinged messages from a conversation with controlling remarks about shoes and subsequent defensive, unhinged responses.

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    Slapdash1
    Community Member
    37 minutes ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This hurts my eyes. ppl rly wrt lk ths?

    A study from the U.S. National Library of Medicine looked at 392 Spanish women between 18 and 45 years old and found that 74% had received unsolicited genital images. Of those, 45.7% came from strangers and 21.9% from men they knew. The women said they responded by blocking the sender, telling friends, rejecting the advance, or just ignoring the message.

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    #17

    A screenshot of unhinged messages where a guy greets a woman with 'Hallo female, how be she'.

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    Ru Bee
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First day on earth ? Greeting fellow kids!

    Online anonymity can also hide a serious danger: grooming. Groomers might build trust with minors, encourage explicit exchanges, move conversations to other platforms, or use threats to take control.

    Grooming can start with just one online contact or go on for a long time. The person targeting a child might be a stranger or someone the child already knows. This difference is important because not every inappropriate message is grooming. However, both cases show that digital communication still requires consent and clear boundaries.

    Do you think people should stop sending messages like these without being asked? What would you have done in their place? Share your thoughts in the comments!

    #19

    A screenshot of unhinged messages where a person asks for a date if the coronavirus doesn't get you.

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    merlin
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok that's a novel pickup line. 😆

    #26

    A woman receives unhinged messages about age from a man online, illustrating abnormal conversations.

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    Ali
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have noticed in game chat over the last year and increasing amount of men calling me 'my dear' I don't know why I dislike it so much. However, (could be confirmation bias or something) but they generally turn out to be guys who feel very superior and condescending, and become nasty misogynists if any women dares to beat him in a battle. Any reasoned disagreement in chat is met with 'calm down my dear' and if you stick politely to a point they say start mouthing off about females causing so much drama and ruining games for 'normal players'.

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    #30

    A screenshot of unhinged messages on a chat, with a user repeatedly asking Are you slapping and then Your a**.

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    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    27 minutes ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why, yes, I often slap my own áss while texting.

    #35

    A screenshot of a Reddit post asking for help crafting a less unhinged wake up text message to a woman.

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    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    AI is doing/going to do wonders for losers like this.

    #40

    A screenshot of unhinged messages showing a person texting I bleed when I pee to a new match.

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    Grape Walls of Ire
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet the censored part would have explained that random statement.

    #45

    A screenshot of a text conversation showing unhinged messages about a male chastity piercing, leading to a blocked user.

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    #48

    A screenshot of unhinged messages from a dating app, including inappropriate and socially tone-deaf remarks.

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    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We are not doing anything except the most physically intimate thing a person could possibly do, and as far away from social distancing as it is possible to be.

    #53

    A screenshot of a dating app conversation with Chad, showing unhinged, nonsensical messages that might be a song.

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    #59

    A screenshot of unhinged messages on a marketplace chat, where a user asks about an item and then asks Are you single.

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