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Son Faces Dad’s “Ultimatum” After Refusing To Attend College And Wanting To Use His $400K Tuition Money For Starting A Business
What most often becomes the subject of conflicts within the family? To whomever knows the top five most frequent reasons for family quarrels, we are almost sure that conflicts over money, as well as disputes between parents and children, will be in this top five. And very often a combination happens – disputes between parents and children over money, and this is precisely what most often leads to a serious deterioration in family relations.
On the one hand, the older generation, of course, has life and financial experience that allowed them to at least raise these children. On the other hand, it often happens that the everyday experience that parents developed many years ago is rather inapplicable to the present in which their children live. It turns out that both sides are both right and wrong at the same time.
A classic example is this very story by user u/Night_Owl63, posted to the AITA Reddit community a few months ago, which has since gained around 22.1K upvotes and nearly 2K different comments. An excellent opportunity to study this story in detail.
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post has a son who refused to go to college after graduating high school
Image credits: 401(K) 2012 (not the actual photo)
So, the author of the original post will soon be fifty, and he and his wife have a son who recently graduated from high school. The Original Poster admits that he and his spouse make good money, so they took the liberty of raising a fairly decent amount for a college fund for their son.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The couple managed to gather nearly $400K for their son’s college fund as they started saving since the woman got pregnant
Starting to save money when the woman was pregnant, the couple managed to gather almost $400K. The money is in their own bank account, but the son knew about its existence. As the OP himself admits, he and his wife never gave their child strict instructions on how to live and what to do. No, of course, they tried to guide him, as probably all parents do, but nothing more.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The parents never demanded academic excellence from their son or forced him into sports or some artistic activities. One might think that the child grew up spoiled, the OP notes, but he himself began to work before the age of majority, worked a lot, and didn’t even get his GED and go to college until he had his kid. “So I spoiled my kid like I wish I was spoiled,” the man himself admits.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The young guy claimed he wanted to start his own business with that $400K as the start-up capital
So, when the son had finished his graduation party, the father asked what college he was going to go to. What came to the parents’ surprise was when the young guy simply stated that he was not going to continue his studies, did not want to work with his dad and mom in the family business, but wanted to set up his own. Moreover, according to the newly minted businessman, he also had start-up capital – that very $400K from his college fund.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
Parents refused to spend this money on the son’s business – at least till he comes up with a well-founded business plan
However, the novice businessman faced a serious problem with this. His parents flatly refused to give him any money unless he at least presented a well-founded business plan. Moreover, the father was ready to separately cover business management, accounting and law classes for his son – and only then allow him to use this money.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The son just argued that his parents are holding his college fund hostage to make him do what they want
The mother agreed with her husband one hundred percent, but the son was indignant and claimed that he was under mental pressure for holding his college fund hostage to make him do what his parents want. In turn, the OP thinks, he and his wife are just doing their best to make sure their son’s business succeeds.
Image credits: David McElwee (not the actual photo)
People in the comments sided with the author of the post and his wife, saying that management classes are definitely a good idea
Most of the people in the comments agreed with the Original Poster – after all, it was the parents who saved this money, and it is quite logical that they determine what exactly the funds will be eventually spent on. As for the idea of taking management and accounting classes, the commenters liked it, and they suppose that classes would be more than helpful for the young guy.
According to some of the commenters, the first business lesson for a novice merchant should be: “If you refuse a good offer because ‘you don’t want to’ do something, you don’t have a business building mindset”. By the way, people in the comments just recommend that the parents let their son get a job and learn some responsibility before giving him $400K.
As you can see, even in seemingly happy and prosperous families, there are difficult everyday situations like this one. If you are interested in the topic, we can offer you this exciting selection of skeletons in family closets, and in addition, please feel free to leave your comments on this tale below.
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What do you think ?
JoJoB 3 years ago
I think if he got the money in hand with no strings, you'd come home to find an exotic car in the driveway (which he'd drive for a week until it was totaled it he lost his license).
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Very possible scenario for a fella his age. The young man doesn't have the experience to handle that amount of money. If he had a serious idea to begin with, he would have presented it immediately upon being denied his request and their suggestions to take the classes and submit a business plan. The poor guy doesn't really have a jumping off point that we know of. I would have had a potential plan in place before I suggested to my parents that I started my own business, to let them know that I was serious about the topic and had done some research on the subject. The parents are being very generous and helpful towards him.
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 3 years ago
There was a guy a while back that became a lawyer. His father told him that if he passed the Bar, he'd give him 10 million dollars to start his own practice. The man took the 10 million and bought a building in New York. He then turned it into a halfway house for homeless men to get them off the street. The rules were, no drugs, no alcohol. If you did not know how to read and write, you would be taught. If you did not graduate high school, you would be given the opportunity to get a GED. When Haagen-Dazs met him at a charity function, they wanted to donate to his charity. He convinced them to open a store nearby where the men could work and earn a paycheck and work experience. They did so. Having a solid foundation of education can take you a long way, even if other peoples expectations of where you are headed in your life don't match up. I think the father in this post is very smart to make those conditions.
Larry Whalen 3 years ago
Great story, although he did not start his own firm, he did something Noble and established a facility to help others get their lives back on track, at least those who wanted to make something of their lives.
Load More Replies...
JL 3 years ago
Should have never told him about the fund in the first place, and certainly should have never told him how much was in there. All he needed to know is if he went to college, that they would pay for it.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago (edited)
That's very smart. My 14y/o son doesn't know this yet, but he has an inheritance coming, from his paternal gma. It's nowhere NEAR $400k. But it's in the 5 figures. He'll get it when he turns 18. But it will be controlled by us adults. Mom stipulated in her will that this money (she left the same to each of her grandkids) was to be used to help give him/them a good start in life, i.e. to help pay for college, or put a down payment on a house, etc. So it's not like we were just going to simply hand our freshly 18yo son $XX,XXX and say good luck. But I've definitely thought about how to best ensure that he uses it properly. Readng your comment, I think we may not tell him exactly how much he's getting, either. I think maybe we'll just tell him what his options are for how he may use it, & see which direction he wants to go. Or if he has any other ideas that we think are suitable. I think not being specific is a really smart idea, JL. Kid that young will just get dollar signs in their eyes. Good thinking.
Load More Replies...
MiriPanda 3 years ago
I was a bit on the fence first, seeing that Dad isn't exactly a self-made man himself as he and his wife pretty much got a paid off house and a flourishing business handed to them on a silver plate. But it isn't unreasonable to expect his son to gain some education in business management and laws and accounting first, before forking over 400,000 dollars (?). I would suggest to hear the son out, and if he has already good ideas and a sound business plan (some people really are born level-headed business people), then give him some money to get him started - if it tanks not all is lost, if it takes off, he can have more/the rest. I'd probably do the same in case of a college education, as in not handing over the entire college fund in one go, but give it in installments for each year or semester.
Megan A 3 years ago
But the parents are only asking him to take some classes on finances, business management and laws so the son can know the styles of management, how money works in business and understand the caveat of the laws businesses have to follow if he is not willing to go work for a business that will allow him to understand these in action. Even if he has a really good idea, he still need to learn some stuff to properly put it in plan that'll help him flourish than struggle right off the bat. Also, college are known for making connections too so this do help with possible investors and future employees if he does hire them. All in all, if he does these and do provide a proper, valid plan; I can't see anything wrong with him getting 400k slowly over time. Reason why I said slowly is just because you have a really good idea and plan doesn't mean it'll just pan out the way you want it to. Taking it slow and carefully is good way at the time. Tbh, this isn't a bad request and he is only 18...
Load More Replies...
Larry Whalen 3 years ago
I'm seventy-six, retired, and am doing well enough and have found I'm not too old to learn something new so why can't junior get with the program, (!?). NTA dad .
Load More Replies...
Jerry Mathers 3 years ago
To me this is simple. If the kid doesn't have the gumption to meet with those modest requirements, he definitely doesn't have what it takes to run a business. It wouldn't even be unreasonable for the parents to require him to get the money to pay the classes on his own. It would show his commitment to the business idea and he would have some skin in the game, so to speak. His plan puts all the risk on the parents and if things get tough (which it will), he is less likely to walk away if he has had to work for it.
Spittnimage 3 years ago
No, no, no! Entitled kid and almost half a million $$ don't go well together.
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago (edited)
NTA at all. While I agree with doing your thing and living how you want, you ought to at least have a blueprint in place to do so aka education. Not saying college is the only way but some classes should at least be mandatory before plunging into the unknown and uncertain. The kid here sounds like he's just living on wishful thinking with his whole business plan (or lack thereof). No one should go into the world unprepared, kid there had better learn that now or he might just have to learn it the hard way later.
Poeha 3 years ago
You have to have some papers to start a business. My cousin couldn't learn, did the lowest practical school. His dad was a farmer, who had to sell his land, because they built a highway there and he started a business in the barn. They made doors, houses. He built his own house next to his dad. He's now a millionair who has cattle for fun in his huge backyard. His dad lived very sober and gave all his extra money to some good cause, but he gave him money too to start his business. Cousin doesn't live sober. Huge car, huge house. I don't think this son has to study, but he can't just demand 400.000 and disrespect his parents. Then you can better spend it on yourself or a bunch of dogs or a village in Africa.
Load More Replies... JoJoB 3 years ago
I think if he got the money in hand with no strings, you'd come home to find an exotic car in the driveway (which he'd drive for a week until it was totaled it he lost his license).
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Very possible scenario for a fella his age. The young man doesn't have the experience to handle that amount of money. If he had a serious idea to begin with, he would have presented it immediately upon being denied his request and their suggestions to take the classes and submit a business plan. The poor guy doesn't really have a jumping off point that we know of. I would have had a potential plan in place before I suggested to my parents that I started my own business, to let them know that I was serious about the topic and had done some research on the subject. The parents are being very generous and helpful towards him.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
There was a guy a while back that became a lawyer. His father told him that if he passed the Bar, he'd give him 10 million dollars to start his own practice. The man took the 10 million and bought a building in New York. He then turned it into a halfway house for homeless men to get them off the street. The rules were, no drugs, no alcohol. If you did not know how to read and write, you would be taught. If you did not graduate high school, you would be given the opportunity to get a GED. When Haagen-Dazs met him at a charity function, they wanted to donate to his charity. He convinced them to open a store nearby where the men could work and earn a paycheck and work experience. They did so. Having a solid foundation of education can take you a long way, even if other peoples expectations of where you are headed in your life don't match up. I think the father in this post is very smart to make those conditions.
Larry Whalen 3 years ago
Great story, although he did not start his own firm, he did something Noble and established a facility to help others get their lives back on track, at least those who wanted to make something of their lives.
Load More Replies... JL 3 years ago
Should have never told him about the fund in the first place, and certainly should have never told him how much was in there. All he needed to know is if he went to college, that they would pay for it.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago (edited)
That's very smart. My 14y/o son doesn't know this yet, but he has an inheritance coming, from his paternal gma. It's nowhere NEAR $400k. But it's in the 5 figures. He'll get it when he turns 18. But it will be controlled by us adults. Mom stipulated in her will that this money (she left the same to each of her grandkids) was to be used to help give him/them a good start in life, i.e. to help pay for college, or put a down payment on a house, etc. So it's not like we were just going to simply hand our freshly 18yo son $XX,XXX and say good luck. But I've definitely thought about how to best ensure that he uses it properly. Readng your comment, I think we may not tell him exactly how much he's getting, either. I think maybe we'll just tell him what his options are for how he may use it, & see which direction he wants to go. Or if he has any other ideas that we think are suitable. I think not being specific is a really smart idea, JL. Kid that young will just get dollar signs in their eyes. Good thinking.
Load More Replies... MiriPanda 3 years ago
I was a bit on the fence first, seeing that Dad isn't exactly a self-made man himself as he and his wife pretty much got a paid off house and a flourishing business handed to them on a silver plate. But it isn't unreasonable to expect his son to gain some education in business management and laws and accounting first, before forking over 400,000 dollars (?). I would suggest to hear the son out, and if he has already good ideas and a sound business plan (some people really are born level-headed business people), then give him some money to get him started - if it tanks not all is lost, if it takes off, he can have more/the rest. I'd probably do the same in case of a college education, as in not handing over the entire college fund in one go, but give it in installments for each year or semester.
Megan A 3 years ago
But the parents are only asking him to take some classes on finances, business management and laws so the son can know the styles of management, how money works in business and understand the caveat of the laws businesses have to follow if he is not willing to go work for a business that will allow him to understand these in action. Even if he has a really good idea, he still need to learn some stuff to properly put it in plan that'll help him flourish than struggle right off the bat. Also, college are known for making connections too so this do help with possible investors and future employees if he does hire them. All in all, if he does these and do provide a proper, valid plan; I can't see anything wrong with him getting 400k slowly over time. Reason why I said slowly is just because you have a really good idea and plan doesn't mean it'll just pan out the way you want it to. Taking it slow and carefully is good way at the time. Tbh, this isn't a bad request and he is only 18...
Load More Replies... Larry Whalen 3 years ago
I'm seventy-six, retired, and am doing well enough and have found I'm not too old to learn something new so why can't junior get with the program, (!?). NTA dad .
Load More Replies... Jerry Mathers 3 years ago
To me this is simple. If the kid doesn't have the gumption to meet with those modest requirements, he definitely doesn't have what it takes to run a business. It wouldn't even be unreasonable for the parents to require him to get the money to pay the classes on his own. It would show his commitment to the business idea and he would have some skin in the game, so to speak. His plan puts all the risk on the parents and if things get tough (which it will), he is less likely to walk away if he has had to work for it.
Spittnimage 3 years ago
No, no, no! Entitled kid and almost half a million $$ don't go well together.
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago (edited)
NTA at all. While I agree with doing your thing and living how you want, you ought to at least have a blueprint in place to do so aka education. Not saying college is the only way but some classes should at least be mandatory before plunging into the unknown and uncertain. The kid here sounds like he's just living on wishful thinking with his whole business plan (or lack thereof). No one should go into the world unprepared, kid there had better learn that now or he might just have to learn it the hard way later.
Poeha 3 years ago
You have to have some papers to start a business. My cousin couldn't learn, did the lowest practical school. His dad was a farmer, who had to sell his land, because they built a highway there and he started a business in the barn. They made doors, houses. He built his own house next to his dad. He's now a millionair who has cattle for fun in his huge backyard. His dad lived very sober and gave all his extra money to some good cause, but he gave him money too to start his business. Cousin doesn't live sober. Huge car, huge house. I don't think this son has to study, but he can't just demand 400.000 and disrespect his parents. Then you can better spend it on yourself or a bunch of dogs or a village in Africa.
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