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I'll try my best to help you guys out if you need it. No hate, please!
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#1
I feel s****y posting on my own ask, but I really do need to talk. Things have been getting progressively worse recently and it's ended up being really bad. I haven't actually attempted suicide yet, but I'm going back into self harm and my suicidal ideations/self hatred are back. I think my boyfriend has a bit to do with it- not directly, of course, but me being clingy and insufferable means I always want to be able to talk to him and him not liking me nearly as much as I like him is really not great. It's totally my fault, me being who I am (obnoxious and barely tolerable at a regular mental health level), and I'd never blame him. It's just that I really did think I had found someone who genuinely wanted to spend time with me. It's just my issue of getting too attached to people who end up hating me. All in all, I have no idea what's wrong with me or how to fix it. Things are getting worse and I know that at this rate there's a decent chance I'm going to kill myself before I turn 18.
Final score:
12points
Bonesko 2 years ago (edited)
First of don't feel s**tty for posting your own ask. I do. And anytime I post a challenge it's really because I want to show a picture of my cat. I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. You need to go to counseling, find a support group, something to help you cope. I know what it's like to want to give up, and I used to burn myself. You're not alone in your feelings. Have you talked to your boyfriend? Has he expressed anger or irritation to you? Either way you should speak to him and let him know you're struggling. If he's no supportive, if he doesn't care, that would be horrible. But that doesn't mean your life is over. Please seek help, learn tools to cope with your struggles. I may not know you, but I want you to turn 18. I want you to grow up and have a great life, because there are so many wonderful things for you to experience. You deserve to be happy, so please give yourself the chance to be.
Mommitude Attitude 2 years ago
Hugs!!! I know I am a random person on the internet you don't know, but please do not unalive yourself. You matter and I know it probably doesn't seem like it at all right now in the moment, but it really honestly truly does get better. There is various help available for free, like Text HOME to 741741 to text with a crisis counselor or dial 988 (instead of 911) to talk to a crisis counselor for free, 24 hours a day / 7 days a week and it's confidential. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a hard time with your relationship, but please know you are not just your relationship. You are important to your friends and family, even if you're not feeling or thinking that right now. please talk about some other options!
Pineapple 2 years ago
hello please dont hurt yourself as bisexual axolotls has already said but anyway yea um please dont your comments are one of the only reasons i check bp and yea um idk what to say anymore cause everyone else said a bunch of stuff um if you need anything feel free to email me just please dont die
Bisexual Axolotls 2 years ago
Please don't hurt yourself, even if it's just for your boyfriend's sake. It'll get better eventually, and if you need someone to talk to we're here :)
Mommitude Attitude 2 years ago
I have lost so many people to taking their own lives and it is amazing how on the outside looking in, the problem is never as bad as it seems. I would listen, hug you, let you vent. While you're the one going through it though - I know it seems impossible. Please surround yourself with people who care or at the very least, talk to someone about how you're thinking, feeling and coping. You're reaching out here which is so brave and it truly shows that in there you want to feel heard and validated. Your feelings are real but please do not let them drive your actions right now. I really hope you're able to find some time to call or text someone about this and get the help and support you need and deserve. Hugs!!!
Mommitude Attitude 2 years ago
Lastly, I liked that you talked here, not the fact that you're struggling...
fair_weather_rose 2 years ago
Crow, whatever is going on, it is most definitely not "totally your fault!" At the absolute most, you maybe carry about 0.00023% of the blame. I know how easy it is to convince ourselves of things that aren't true or make up lies about what other people think about us. If you aren't already, I would suggest getting some kind of professional help or advice, but I know that can be hard. Therapy has definitely helped me, but i know its not a great fit for everyone. I can assure you that you are nowhere near as annoying or obnoxious as you think you are. I know that there's not a whole lot I can do to help you because I'm just a random internet stranger, but just know that there are people who care about you. Even people that you don't know, like me and countless other people on this site. I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs, and just know that I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything 💗💗💗
freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
hey i'm so sorry this is happening. you don't deserve this, no one does. you have a therapist right? even if it's hard i would really, really urge you to talk to them. and if you want to be anonymous the trevor lifeline is really good. i myself have talked to a counselor on there and i didn't need to tell them anything about me and it helped. things WILL get better i promise, it might take a while and i know you've probably heard this many times but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. i have a trick for when you feel like self harming, it works really well for me most of the time. wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you feel overwhelmed or like you want to self harm, and it hurts but it won't do any permanent damage. and just know all of us on here care for you so so so so much and if anything were to happen everyone would be devastated. and like i told you before on another post it might be a good idea to talk to your boyfriend. (continued)
freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
and if you'd like i could help you with something to say to him. because he needs to know so you can get help. and there ARE ways to help, as i'm sure you know, even when it feels like there aren't. it might take a while and it will very most likely be a s****y process but things will get better. i'm always here if you need to talk, the contact button on my profile is always on and you can message me anytime and i will respond as soon as possible. just know we all love you and you will make it through.
Load More Replies...
ｍƗ𝐍Ɨ 𝐓𝓱𝑒 𝐀𝐍𝕘𝑒ᒪ (𝒮𝒽𝑒/𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓂) 2 years ago (edited)
Crow, Please, just please don’t kill or hurt yourself, a bunch of people love you, people on BP love you! (Including me) and I’m clingy too, it’s not all your fault, it’s no one’s fault. And I know you don’t even know me, I’m just a stranger in the internet, but still, if you end up like Lusion, most people on this website will be sad, and things ,irl and here, won’t be the same without you
RELATED:
#2
I had a meltdown yesterday ( i know I know it's immature) and it was because my brain overcomplicated a simple thing which was saying a fun fact to my mom. When she explained it back my brain got stuck on her using present tense and I had a meltdown. I couldn't speak and started sobbing like a baby.( Yes I know VERY immature) and she was trying to reason with me but it made it worse. Like saying it was for a dumb reason ( my meltdown) and saying I needed to communicate like a normal person. I hate my meltdowns and I haven't had one in a while. My point is I get what my mom was trying to do but that just made my meltdown worse. I was curled under a blanket crying because my weird brain got stuck on her using present tense instead of past tense. Yep.
Final score:
7points
#3
F**k everyone, f**k me, f**k you and f**k the whole universe. f**k my stupid eyes, f**k my stupid nerves, f**k my stupid mental health and f**k my stupid brain.
Final score:
7points
Bookwork 2 years ago
Take a deep breath, eat a snack, drink water and chill. After a while everything will seem better
ｍƗ𝐍Ɨ 𝐓𝓱𝑒 𝐀𝐍𝕘𝑒ᒪ (𝒮𝒽𝑒/𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓂) 2 years ago
Yeah, Stardust, take a deep breath, take a drink of water, and focus on the good things in life, if there aren’t any, well… it’s okay <3333
Load More Replies... #4
I’ve had enough. Four times in my life I was so close to committing suicide. Once I tried choking myself. Once I almost hung myself. Twice I almost stabbed myself through the heart. It’s all because of my super religious horrible emotionally abusive family. I want to love life and I’m sure I can have a good one if I take action. So I’m running away.
Final score:
6points
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
That's really terrible. I wish you luck getting out and I hope you have a good life away from your abusive family
Unfeathered Chicken (Submission author) 2 years ago
Thank u for ur support :)
Load More Replies... #5
Nothing dire. But right now my back hurts and in a bad mood. I just want to to smoke the only cigarette I'm allowing myself to have until tomorrow and look at posts on bored panda. But my boyfriend has come out 4 times interrupting my zoning out to tell me random bulls**t and now my cigarette is done and I'm annoyed 😤
Final score:
5points
#6
My life is spiraling out of control, and there's nothing i can do about it. There's something wrong with my brain, but I don't know what. I can't focus on anything, I can't do things that used to be super easy, like reading and basic math. I went to a doctor but once she heard I had covid a few months ago she decided that all my mental problems are a result of long covid, even though this has been going on longer than that. My parents are arguing constantly, and my dad keeps forgetting to take his medication and keeps getting really manic, I'm worried about my mom because she seems way more depressed than usual but I don't know what to do. I'm on spring break and was looking forward to it, but my uncle is here so he and my parents just hang out and play card games that I don't know all the time so I just hide in my room and listen to music all day. I only have 2 friends, and both of them are out of town. I don't have anyone to talk to about stuff. There's a bunch of other stuff, but I've already ranted too much. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense.
Final score:
4points
#7
lately i've just been feeling bad about myself. my hair is getting too long for my liking and my mom won't let me cut it until after my show (in early may) like if i tilt my head back i can feel my hair on my back and i hate it. and i can't figure out how to tell people about my preferred name and pronouns. and when i'm referred to as sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, she, her, etc, it makes my stomach hurt.
Final score:
4points
#8
I’m suffering from an eating disorder called Anorexia, it’s slowly killing me, and my boyfriend is really worried about me dying from my eating disorder. I’m having difficulty telling my mom about my eating disorder because she thinks I’m eating normally but I’m really not eating normally at all. At this rate, I’m lucky to actually still be alive, but I’m getting weaker and I have less energy and I’m more tired all the time.
Final score:
2points
Bisexual Axolotls 2 years ago
Please tell someone, or call a doctor/specialist. If you're getting weaker, you need medical care, and there are clinics out there that can help, but PLEASE do your research and make sure they won't get you into a worse situation. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I hope you get better :)
Bookwork 2 years ago
Please tell someone. You need help. Sorry if I'm being insulting. But please do get help
Bookwork 2 years ago
Please get help. Talk to someone and your parents. This is not fine. I'm not trying to be rude by the way sorry if it comes off like that.
Load More Replies... freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
please get help, you need the help of a doctor to get better and i know it's so hard to do but please. i'm terribly sorry this is happening.
#9
.....I'm falling apart. I starve myself. I hurt myself. I've come really close to ending myself. And nobody knows. Everyone thinks I'm just the goofy smol one. But I'm a mess and if I show people that, I can't make them all happy So nobody needs to know and if the facade breaks? Who cares. I don't care I can't go a day without wishing for death. I hate myself. I hate everything about me. Nobody would even care if I died. It would probably just be a minor inconvenience to everyone.
Final score:
2points
ACE PIRATES 4 THE WIN 2 years ago
Please don’t do this to yourself. I would care and I don’t even know you so I’m sure other people here care too. Like, PLEASE I will beg u
freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
i don't really know you but i can guarantee you that somebody would care if you died. please seek help, i promise things can get better. if you need someone to talk to just talk to me.
#10
my anxiety has been acting up and ive basically ripped off all my fingernails bcus of it. i have genuinely thought about offing myself but the only thing keeping me here is my twin and like 2 of my closest friends who i havent told that im struggling yet. ive also been way too confused about my sexuality/pronouns and dont know how to bring it up. music and haikyuu have kept me going tho :)
Final score:
2points
ACE PIRATES 4 THE WIN 2 years ago
If your struggling is really bad, please tell your friends and twin I know it’s hard, trust me, but it will help you in the long run. As for sexuality and pronouns, even if you don’t want to talk about it with your family, you can always chat with us if you’re confused. You also don’t need to decide sexuality/pronouns immediately because those things take time (learned that one the hard way after months of struggling that caused me major depression). Keep doing haiku and music, it sounds like it rly helps u just don’t give up we’re here for you
#11
I have this problem with ripping out my hair, and now it’s all thin in the front. It’s not that bad, but I used to have beautiful thick hair and now I have to comb it over to hide the thin patch in front. Like, I’m only a teenager, I shouldn’t have to comb it over! Also I’m a demigirl (I think) but no one will believe me they’ll say I’m cis and that makes me not believe me either. Someone help :P
Final score:
2points
#12
I don't usually go on rants often but this might help my stress too. ( I already made a advice post for this but it's still bothering me a lot.) So, me and this girl, I'm just gunna call her E. So E and I used to be really close friends and we talked a lot to each other. She was kinda one of my best friends. At the beginning of the school year tho, we stopped talking because I realised how toxic and manipulative and controlling she was of me. She admitted to doing a lot of stuff. Such as manipulating me to get out of relationships just because she didn't like the person I was with, or spreading rumours about me so that she could comfort me and win my trust when she'd betrayed it or had upset me and a lot of other really mean stuff behind my back that I didn't find out about until recently. I've been avoiding her for months now, just trying to live my life peacefully. Back in december, she tried to insert herself back into my life. She inserted herself into one of my " relationships" again. E has done this constantly with every person I've been with if it wasn't someone she picked out personally for me. She would insert herself into it and then find some way to break us apart. Last week she comes up to me in class and attempted to "reconnect with me" She asked me a few personal questions that caught me off guard that I kinda just gave half-a**ed answers to. The question that stuck tho was she asked if I was dating anyone or talking to anyone. In a burst of confidence, I told her that it was none of her buisness and that it was nothing she needed to know. She found out I was dating someone and now she's started spreading these nasty horrible rumours about me and I really don't know what to do.
Final score:
1point
DustTea 2 years ago
It baffles me how people can be so awful. I’m proud of you for standing up to her, even if it was just for a minute. Try to stay in the mindset where strangers, or just people who don’t know you well, opinions don’t matter. You’ve got this! and i’m here to talk if you need to 💕💕
#13
i'm a little worried for this weekend. we're going to nashville friday afternoon and my uncle and cousins are gonna come up and visit since they live a few hours away. but it's the same uncle that i mentioned on my homophobic/transphobic family post who thinks being nb is a trend. that was before i realized i was but it was still not okay for him to say that. and i'm just really worried cause my dysphoria is getting so much worse and i dont think i can handle more transphobic comments from him. i'm not even out to any of my family yet.
Final score:
1point
DustTea 2 years ago
awe, bee,, I’m so sorry you’re going though this. You can always reach out to me if you feel like you need someone to talk to, okay? For now, just know your uncle is probably small and closed minded. You just gotta wait things out. Things will get better eventually. when you get more control over your life. Tolerance is a skill
Ang Chiyoko (She/he/they) 2 years ago
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I have an uncle who's kinda similar to that. I'm genderfluid and I still have trouble because everyone just assumes I'm confused or going through a phase cus of the fact that I still wear make-up and paint my nails and wear crop tops when I'm feeling feminine, but wear my hair up in a man-bun, and wear baggy clothes over a tight cami that hides my chest when I'm feeling more masc or nb. I'd say if you can, try to find time in your day to go outside if the weather is nice, read a favourite book of yours or draw a picture or just go for a walk or a jog when it feels like the comments are getting to you. I know it's gunna be really hard to ignore them, but sometimes that's all you can do. I really hope that you don't have to deal with your uncle for very long. I wish you the best of luck. Just try to find time to breathe and relax and do something that calms you down.
#14
No I can’t
Final score:
-3points
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Can you tell DP to stop bullying notablajah? I don't want to break the truce but they have enough to deal with without dp making things worse for them
Load More Replies... #15
What has DP done? Have friends online with the "wrong" views on life?
Final score:
-3points
What do you think ?
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