Hey Pandas, What’s Something You Learned Too Late That Might Help Someone Else? (Closed)
What is something that you wish you knew about or understood sooner that makes you angry, but maybe someone else can benefit from your mistakes?
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Trust your gut and your basic boundaries.
Even kids should be taught about gaslighting, so they recognize it. As early as possible.
If someone makes you feel bad when you know in your heart you didn't do anything wrong, do NOT let them gaslight you into thinking it's your fault, that you're crazy or unreasonable.
If someone is telling you that something that obviously isn't okay is fine, don't believe them. Just because they say it's fine doesn't mean that it is. When you know a lamp is red, don't believe them saying that it's green.
If someone crosses a reasonable boundary that you have, don't let them dictate that they are allowed to. They're not. Stand your ground. If they freak out and demand to cross it, it means they have no respect for you.
Be extra wary if this is people you usually automatically trust - like parents/cose family, close friends or partners.
Ask others that you trust and that seem to have healthy values and a good life if you are in doubt. Say: "XX told me that xxxxx. Is it true that that is okay?"
Try imagining if you would think this was okay if said to someone else. If you feel it's unfair to them, then it's also unfair to you.
Believe your core feeling. And remove yourself from people who do this as fast as you can. Don't let them mess with your head or make you feel worthless.
Seek help getting away from them if you can't do it alone. Demand to be taken seriously when you ask for help.
If people make you uneasy, unsafe and full of doubt, run ASAP. You deserve better.
This is what I try to teach my son. He has autism & things are very literal & black & white to him. He also doesn't understand that someone would say something that isn't true just for their own gain. Thanks for your contribution!
It's not evil to love yourself. As long as you stay aware if your flaws, self-love is good for you and doesn't make you a narcissist. I didn't learn this too late, but it definitely would have helped me to learn it earlier
All my life I was told to work hard, go above and beyond and eventually I'd be rewarded. I recently became disabled due to stage 4 cancer, it's not going away. All the years of being underpaid continue when you can no longer work only now you get a portion of what you worked for your whole life. I always thought that "fixed income" was the same for everyone, that's why it's fixed, but it turns out that they average what you earned over a large portion of your work history. So when I was working part time for $3.35/hour that is averaged with what I was making when I became disabled. Don't make my mistake. Get that pay raise or better job now while you can. It has very long term, far reaching implications. I wonder how many bosses I've had who justified petty raises while they were raking in big pay and bonuses realize this injustice follows you through life...and would any of them care?
sh doesn’t help and it’s addictive. Get proper help and find alternatives. Scars are the worst. I really wish I could wear shorts.
Didn’t post in time. I was gonna say turn your back on the bullies and don’t give them a reaction. How I learnt this: It was Thursday, and it was lunch. We were allowed to go to a selection of shops with a friend or on our own. I went on my own. I had my diary in my hand and, for some reason, I decided to write the diary passcode on my hand. I’m just gonna call her B and her gang. B and her hand were following me. I knew they were. I stopped and pretended to drop my diary to get them to move on B ran at me, looked at my hand and ran off I could still see her, she had gotten into my diary and was flicking through. In my diary, I have Rosie (my cat)‘s first ever drawing. She through it at me and laughed. Her gang laughed too. She called Rosie some really mean things, and I lost it. I’m not really a violent person, but I couldn’t stand people talking about Rosie in this way. I ran forward, got my diary, and did what I do best. I composed a story in my mind, as quick as I could
Didn’t post in time. I was gonna say turn your back on the bullies and don’t give them a reaction. How I learnt this: It was Thursday, and it was lunch. We were allowed to go to a selection of shops with a friend or on our own. I went on my own. I had my diary in my hand and, for some reason, I decided to write the diary passcode on my hand. I’m just gonna call her B and her gang. B and her hand were following me. I knew they were. I stopped and pretended to drop my diary to get them to move on B ran at me, looked at my hand and ran off I could still see her, she had gotten into my diary and was flicking through. In my diary, I have Rosie (my cat)‘s first ever drawing. She through it at me and laughed. Her gang laughed too. She called Rosie some really mean things, and I lost it. I’m not really a violent person, but I couldn’t stand people talking about Rosie in this way. I ran forward, got my diary, and did what I do best. I composed a story in my mind, as quick as I could
