Hey Pandas, What Was The Moment You Realized A Friend Was No Longer A Friend? (Closed)
Over time, people grow apart or come togther. Some people, refuse to change for the better, and that can end friendships.
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she ignored me for the rest of eighth grade. and even at the lunch table. got everyone else or ignore me too.
6-12 months of social media silence and ignoring DM’s = a deletion from contacts.
#hashtag adult friendship sucks
So... every year in uni a group of my friends would go to see plays. We'd vote on what to see, I would buy the tickets, they would pay me back and we'd spend a day in the theatre town being fancy.
That one fateful year one friend, and her bf, cancelled with a tonne of notice. And that was fine. My AH friend realised I had extra tickets and was like "my other friends want to come. " admittedly I was not big on her other friends but sure... so they took the extra two tickets and needed me to buy 4 more tickets, all said about$350 which for a uni student is... a fair bit of cash and I'm sure you already know where this is going...
The day before we're supposed to go she says her grandfather died... except gramps has died 4 times that semester (I don't know how she consistently forgot that she had used that excuse when she was late on our lab reports-- I also found it pretty offensive seeing as my grandmother had actually died the night before that semester started and I was still very much grieving-- in fact the play thing was a thing her and I would do). I don't call her out immediately but say "that's fine, you owe $350, get it to me when you can"... because it's so close to the trip, I can't try to sell them or even give them to other students.
No she won't pay-- she didn't use then why should she pay. I'm like 'I don't even want the full amount but like at least half of it.'... back and forth back and forth. My friend who had bailed earlier paid me back a little more than necessary because she thought AH was being ridiculous.
It came out that he grandfather hadn't died (shocker) but actually she hosted a party at her place... so like she knew long before she told me that she wouldn't make it.
Also her friends and her had stopped being friends so she didn't feel she owed me anything for their tickets.
It finally came down to me being like 'If you don't pay me back we are fecking done.'... we'd been friends since grade 6.
Her response essentially was, 'if you're willing to throw our friendship away over $50 ( yes by then that was all i wanted, just her ticket because of the principle of it) then screw you.'
It somehow continued until she told me that she had given the money to one of my other friends to pay me back since she didn't want to see me in person (as she may punch me she was 'so angry') and thus he must have stolen it. She was an absolute compulsive liar and a user.
Needless to say... I haven't spoken to her in years. She reached out after she found out i was engaged demanding to know why I hadn't invited her to my wedding and genuinely convinced she would have been a bridesmaid... I genuinely don't know how anyone can be that out to lunch.
Also, back in uni at the time, I was not working and making summer job money last, she was making $20/hr working part time at a bank. Whenever she forgot her wallet, I'd cover her. Whenever she was hungry, I'd buy her food-- she would always get the fanciest most expensive combo worth upgrades. The one time I forgot my wallet, she wouldn't even get me some fries, she complained about having to get me a $1.50 bag of chips and hounded me for it until the next day. In one semester I spent $200 on her. I've always been the sort who is okay helping friends... but she never tried to her me back-- she didn't care. If you have a friend who consistently uses and never gives, they are no friend of yours.
We were really close in high school. Kept in touch throughout college then she went to grad school across the country so visits was less. I still made a lot of effort to keep in touch. Treated her out every time we went out because I was working full time and she was still a broke college student.
Then when they graduated and started working, they didn’t put the effort and it was just me. Eventually, I didn’t bother and gave them a test. To my disappointment, they didn’t give me a second thought. Which is fine, I’ve grown accustomed to being disappointed.
Our friendship died naturally through mutual neglect. We hung out at least weekly throughout high school and community college and usually hung out more often than that. Then I moved 50 miles/80 km away to go to university and we started hanging out a lot less for time and gas money reasons. During and after university, I also started working working crazy amounts of hours at my previous job which didn’t leave me with a lot of free time for schoolwork, let alone socializing. Eventually he moved to the other side of the state (around 200 miles/320 km) for work which made meeting up practically impossible. We tried to keep in touch online after that, but we lost contact over the years. We both had busy lives and just kind of stopped putting in the effort because of it. I haven’t spoken to him in few years now and I honestly don’t even know how to contact him anymore (he deleted all of his social media accounts a couple years ago and his old phone number no longer works). I would like to hear from him again someday just to hear how life turned out for him, but unfortunately even mutual friends haven’t heard from him in a while.
