Make sure it's funny.
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Man: I bet you're soft.
Me: Excuse me?
Man: Hey baby you got some a**
Me: *slap*
Man: What the hell?!
Me: Dude, number 1. I'm married. number 2. I have a gun. By the time I get to 10 you better be out my face.
Husband: Why'd you slap Carlos?
Me: Y-You know him
Carlos: B****h
Me: I still have a gun. Tone it back.
Guy: Just so you know Filip dared me to do this
Guy: *gets down on one knee* Will you marry me?
Me: No way
Okay, so my mom used to work at a bingo hall concession stand when I was around 10 years old, and after a few months, I started working there too. I was probably 11 and a half, or somewhere close to that, and I was working the cash register (I wasn't old enough to cook yet, even though I did the baking) and a man came up to the register.
Now, the place where the hall was located was a pretty... trashy neighborhood. We had some complete weirdos coming up to the register to order. So anyway, the man walked up and ordered something, I can't remember what it was, and I rang it up like I was supposed to do. I'm pretty good at math and stuff, so it only took about ten seconds to ring him up, and I turned back around to sweep or something when the man says "Wow, do you do the baking around here?"
I usually made cakes and pies and cookies and stuff to sell up front, and everyone loved them, so I said "Yes, I did make that cake or cookies or whatever it was."
This man looks at me, smiles, and says "Wow, you can cook, clean, AND do math? You're gonna make a fine wife for a man someday!"
WHAT. THE. HELL.
WHY would you EVER say that to an 11-YEAR-OLD?!?!?! And it's not like I looked older than I was, I was short (I had to use a stool to reach the cash register) and had a round, babyish face, so if anything I looked YOUNGER than I was.
Not to mention I'm not exactly attracted to men, I'm demipan but thought I was a lesbian back then, so I just had to smile and say thanks. It was terrible.
During dinner at an Indian restaurant maybe a decade ago:
“You know, I’ve always had an affinity for plastic trees.”
This world is coming to an end we gonna be livin like the people from the lorax.
*** This isn’t the weirdest thing said to me, but it’s the most recent. *** Dude was a stranger and wasn’t even wearing his mask while approaching me. “I like your glasses. Can you take off your mask so I can see your pretty face?” We’re living through a pandemic. No way. I wore a face mask and left a window open for the next few days even at home after this incident. This is what I get for being polite. And my family beat any self confidence out of me, so I immediately think scam when strangers compliment my looks.
