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Hey Pandas, What Is Something That You Have Lost That You Wish You Could Get Back? (Closed)
Something physical, emotional, or a person no longer in your life, that you want to have again.
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My mind. A massive breakdown many years ago has meant that the second half of my life has been spent living as someone else. Oh, I suppose you wanted something light and frothy as a reply. Sorry.
No, this is honest and straightforward. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that you have a good support system in place.
My desire to help humanity. Covidiots killed it, and now I'm just going through the motions. And, as a medical doctor, that's just so frigging wrong. I do my best, but... my heart for it's gone.
I'm sure I'm not the only person here that appreciates all you do and have done. You guys put yourselves at the front line of risk and these rancid pricks have blamed you. i wish you were allowed to refuse treatment and save it for those that at least appreciate it, then they might realise the last people you should be treating like this are those that care for you. It wasn't them that tried to make our loved ones last moments as comfortable as you could, it was you guys and tahts why you are the heroes and their still zeros, desperate for validation from knuckle dragging simpletons that watched a youtube video. you deserve much more than a clap on the street but sadly certain f**k witted bafoons are in power so thats not going to happen any time soon. Be proud of who you are because people are proud of you
My innate happiness and love of life...
My sister. She’s not dead, but depression messed her up really badly, and she hasn’t been the same since.
My pet cat. He passed away 3 years ago and I miss him every day
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that you have a keepsake by which to remember him.
My 3 dogs. Sadly, it's impossible to get all of them back, as one passed away recently. I still have hope for the other two.
I know this is probably not what you meant but my self confidence. When I was younger I used to have high confidence and wasn’t afraid to express myself. As soon as I entered grade school though- I completely lost all of it
My mother's memory. Dementia is a horrible, horrible thing. It strips away everything. I miss my mom, even though she's still here.
So many things. My ability to remember stuff. Not having ED. Feeling h0rny (I dont and havent for like 20 years). My eyesight. My willingness to let myself love a new person. Smooth skin. Hair on my head. Age isn't kind.
I miss the feeling of "loving", both romantically and platonically. Being let down many times by family, friends, best friends, and peoples I used to trust for multiple times, has made me numb to such feelings. Nowadays, no one being special in my life, nor I can feel deeply compassionate towards people. Even if I help and show some sympathy towards others, it is nothing more than formalities as a good citizen and/or human being...
I am so sorry. I hope it comes back...mine has been, very slowly. There is hope.
me, mentally and physically. 29 years ago i was diagnosed with a chronic and painful neuromuscular disorder, and it has stolen my ability to think clearly and disabled my body from the 24/7 pain/fatigue. i refuse to take pain meds because of the side effects. everyday when i wake up, i have to make the decision to get up and have a life of sorts. i know that sounds horrible, and it is. but i refuse to give up and chose to find joy in the little things.
Please don't be afraid of pain meds. Sure they have side effects but so has pain, and that can be worse
Honestly... hope. Hope for a happy future and living a fulfilling life. Not slaving away at a job I hate, which pays pretty much nothing and doesn't allow me to save anything.
my sanity
Same. But it's been 3 years since my last stint in the Home for the Bewildered! Hopefully another few years to go before the next breakdown.
My innocence. I was the purest, sweetest, bouncy little kid. Where did it all go!? 😭
Into the void of adulthood and responsibility... What goes in their never comes back....
My pet rabbits. They died over teb years ago but I still remember what their furr felt like or their unconditional love for me or how they melted away under my touch.
I would love to get pet rabbits again but my current place and living situation isn't ideal for pets sadly :(
My mother-in-law. She was killed in a motorcycle accident because some 16 year old kid didn't see her. She would have loved her granddaughters and I'm sad that they never got to meet her.
My childhood. Thanks to my abusive selfish, self-absorbed, abusive and neglectful parents I lost out on having one.
I just realized I said abusive twice. Actually that's appropriate in this case.
My father gave me a Montblanc pen when I was 15. I cherished that pen. That pen traveled to every country that I have lived in and signed every contract to any job that I have held including my current job.
Cut to 25 years later since receiving said pen, my beautiful wife doesn't realize it was in one of my pockets before throwing my clothes in the laundry.
The pen was destroyed, like completely fubared. There was no fixing it. I still love my wife.
My pet rat and her softness and warmth on my cheek when she sat on my shoulder.
My integrity, honesty, and peoples trust. Once you’ve comprised yourself once its so difficult to recover from and easy to lie. I wish I could be stronger, prouder, and happier to be able to be honest and confront things head on
the amazing stereo setup i had in 1996 that i traded for 8 hits of acid, gram of coke & $350
Ouch. Those losses always hurt the worst because you trade them for a high that makes you feel like s**t later and leaves you with absolutely nothing
My childhood innocence and whimsy. Wanting to play with toys and write stories all day.
As someone who should probably still have that, I want it back so freaking bad, but I don’t know how. I think it’s gone forever and I’ll never get it back. I miss my love for playing with the little dolls and action figures I liked and putting my Barbie’s on the motorcycles and nobody caring that the gender roles were switched or whatever, but now if I do anything considered “different” I get lectured and told that it’s wrong. I also miss not having any responsibilities except turning in my vocabulary worksheets. I hate that I can’t just think of people without remembering s****y things other people have said about them. I hate not having innocence or a childhood even though I’m not even old enough to drive a freaking golf cart.
I miss the childhood perception of time: where have all these endless, carefree summers gone?
I realized I became an adult the summer after I graduated from high school. For a moment, I was excited about summer vacation; free time to do whatever I pleased. But about 30 seconds later, I realized I didn't get the summer off from work and it would be that way from then on! What a letdown.
My hearing. I lost 90% of the hearing in my right ear over time due to Ménière disease. Then, in October 2020, overnight lost 100% of the hearing in my left ear also due to Ménière disease. I have two Cochlear Implants which I'm grateful for, but it's not "normal" hearing and they provide poor hearing of music. Guess I could add I also lost music.
My will to live and a pair of converse i lost years ago
My cookie monster coat that was blue, furry and had googly eyes on the hood I left in a theater after watching Peter Pan.
My friend. Their depression pushed them over the edge two months ago.
This might sound trivial and stupid. I lost my maternal grandmother when I was 18 years old. She was the best, and as I was the only daughter of her only daughter out of four children, she adored me as much as I adored her. One of the things I inherited from her was a small little earring, that kind of looped around the bottom part of my earlobe. And I wore it all the time. Somewhere along the way it got misplaced and I miss it even now at 54 years old. Love you Grams. I know you still look out for me.
When I was suicidal for the first time, I had this journal that I wrote in every day. But once I got better, I threw it away, I wish I can see it again, because if I'm being honest, I miss the journal and I wrote so many suicide notes and wills in there, and I wanna see how far I've grown.
Mind You, the journal was completely filled, and I'd fight my older brother if he tried to take it.
My creativity. I made beautiful things: jewelry, paintings, sculptures...but it's all gone now. I feel like the brightest, most vital part of me died.
Just a period. Some time later new spark appear but on a new level.
My older brothers. I thought they loved me, and maybe they did at one point. But they abandoned me just the same
My cat mittens she was the sweetest bestest cat ever I had her for almost 10 years she died at around 18 I think and she was part of many of my best childhood memories
My 30s. I have the best memories from then.
My Rapunzel locks, my previous health, my previous friendships.
My legs and half of my fingers.. my happiness and will to live.
I became a triple amputee 8.5 years ago and I HATE what I am now and I hate being here… I fought to survive for my mum, niece and nephews.. I KNOW I’m a disappointment and I feel it every single day, and if it wasn’t for the fact that I would disappoint those 4 people even more if I ‘left this plateau’.. I wouldn’t be here… I fight this battle every day and it’s been an even darker than usual time for the last few weeks…
I'm so sorry you're suffering. On some level you do know that your loss would greatly affect the people who love you. And they love you for a reason. If you lose hope in yourself, try and hang on to the fact that there are people in your life who believe you add value to theirs.
So... when I was in like grade 2, I was bullied very badly. There was this girl who was the more popular kid in my class and she had actually been kinda neutral towards me so felt very much like the closest thing I had to a friend. That girl could do cartwheels, I absolutely couldn't but she invited me to come try to do a cartwheel with the other girls.
I absolutely failed but I blame part of it maybe on a ring that I was wearing which was cutting into my finger (I had snuck it out of the house in my pocket, my parents would have never let me wear jewelry let alone a ring to school when I was 6). So one of the girls who was a friend of hers but had started bullying me that year (but that recess had been very nice to me) suggested I take off the ring and try again. I was really eager to try to fit in, I really wanted friends so I did. Still couldn't do a cartwheel, some of the kids laughed. The popular girl tried to help me before giving up and moving onto someone else. I went to get my ring and it was gone. I began to absolutely panic. It had been a little gold ring with my first initial on it and was a gift from a family member who lived in a different country-- it ended up being the last thing they would give me before passing away.
So I'm looking for this ring and the girl that would bully me starts laughing and being very patronizing. I assume she must have my ring so come over to her which causes her friends to laugh and his to come over pushing me... all that fun stuff. She ends up taking the ring from one of the guys, walking to a large metal drain grate and dropping it all the way down. I tell at her ans her really upset and am crying, kids made fun of me and it turns into a brawl. Recess ends and I refuse to go inside because I think my parents will be upset me if they think In lost the ring. The TA genuinely tries to help get the ring but can't and my mum gets called to pick me up early because I am being very obstinate.
I didn't dare wear jewelry again to school for years. I never trusted any of the girls in my class at that school after that. Most importantly, I never attempted another cartwheel and seldom did anything outside my comfort zone in front of others after that.
Wow swiping really let me down. *I yell at her and I'm really upset
I moved across the US in late 2021. I had a really awful experience with a scummy scammer and lost a lot of stuff. My books can be replaced (and have been), but I really miss the butterfly and orchid artwork I did as a teenager. Before Diamond Dotz was a thing, I was copying cross-stitch patterns with flower-shaped hole punched paper. I also lost my Christmas ornaments and fridge magnets, so many memories now that only exist in my mind.
i lost my dorm luggage too in covid and the hysterically annoying and funny thing is I forgot some of the important things I had there for 2 years. (I couldn't even remember what were those which were memories of my college life), i was literally angry with myself(i still am) how could i forget? personally, i had a lot of things going on at the time it happened so it didn't matter to me but when I shook off the problems a bit and when I realized what was happening it was already gone and it is my fault now for not realizing it sooner.
My childhood body. I'm still pretty young but I'm sick of my current health issues and yearn for the years without those problems. Heart issues suck. (It's why I don't have a body anymore)
You may get better. One my friend was diagnosed with cardiac defect when he was a child. His mom cried every day, but he is about to face his old ages coming. He is ok. I know too many cases, when heart heals when it feels impossible, even for doctors.
Hope
I'll skip the human tragedies (personal, familial, social) and mourn being robbed of a Takamine 12-string guitar I had just bought with my last cash.
I wish I could have my health back. In 2012, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I spent about a year and a half going through surgeries, chemo, radiation and more surgery. I was good for almost 10 years and got to see my son grow up which is all I really wanted. Then I found out that my tumor markers were going up and the cancer was now stage 4. Although incurable, I was told that it's only in my bones which has a better prognosis, but 2 months later I was in the hospital for 2 weeks with fluid around my lungs and heart. This finally went away, but I now have chronic pain in my chest that started after I used a new treatment. I haven't taken the drug since November and the pain has not improved. Ironically, my tumor markers continued to rise while taking the drug, but after stopping it, they are at their lowest since before my official diagnosis. The cancer is now in new places, but still only in my bones. It's been almost a year and a half since it came back and I still don't have a treatment plan that works without causing worse side effects. I'm not sure if I will make it 5 years or more as originally estimated if we don't find a treatment. I'm also afraid that the next one may cause other irreversible problems, but I have to keep trying.
Thanks to those who wish me well. Your kindness is appreciated. 🙂
My grandparents wedding rings. They passed away 20 years ago. The only thing my brother asked for was their wedding rings. My grandmother died first and my Dad bought my Grandfather a beautiful gold chain to wear my Grandmother's wedding ring around his neck. She wore that ring for 60 years. My Grandfather had a ring made for their 30th wedding anniversary that he wore. My brother wore the rings around his neck everyday until the chain broke. I put the chain and rings in a ziplock baggie and in my purse when we were moving. The baggie must have fell out. We never saw the rings again. All my Grandparents' other jewelry was stolen when my parents moved. I had asked my Dad for one of my Grandmother's rings when she died but he wanted to keep everything together. Now all we have are the memories.
my ex best friend. they cut contact after they found out i had a crush on them and i regret it every day
Random people I played a very successful Minecraft server with.
I have the server, I just need the people (and computer)s.
My motivation for school. At the beginning, I was excited, and most importantly, motivated to work. But now, it has perished.
Most of my joy in life. It's not entirely gone, but it's not fully there. The worst part is I know it will get worse. Even though it will, I still appreciate the small things. Life is short, you have to live it while you still have happiness :)
I lost my precious, talented, lovely, much loved daughter to the disease of alcoholism.
I am so, so sorry. Inadequate words, really, in the face of such a horrific loss. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I know very well what this disease takes from you, and the damage it does to the people we love. It takes everything, and sometimes our lives. I can only say this: it is not your fault. And I hope you already know that. There is no amount of love, no amount of pleading, reasoning, intervening or supporting a person can provide that can save another from this disease. And as a mother, I know that must be absolute hell. No words can ease such a loss, but I hope that, in time, you are able to find some kind of peace. I really do.
My innocence and my childhood that I’m young enough to still have. I had to grow up too quickly and now I’ve lost younger me. I can remember when my mom and I would go to this pumpkin patch for Halloween and I would bring my favorite stuffed animal (that I do still have) and pick out a pumpkin to make a face out of. I miss having peanut butter and jelly for lunch every day and lying about the fact that I would make my own lunch because I thought it was cool, but now I’m too old to be doing little kid things and I just want to do everything I stopped doing when I should’ve still been doing them. I miss playing on playgrounds and making friends with any random kid because I wasn’t so skeptical of every single human being. I miss not thinking about politics and not dealing with stupid drama and not liking family members for being d***s when I used to just think of everybody as people who loved me, and that’s all that mattered. I miss having at least one parent home for most of the time and I miss being told that I couldn’t waste my money on robux because that was the most of my worries. I miss staying up all night watching Minecraft YouTubers and getting super excited when my babysitter let me stay up until nine o clock. I miss when I would get “mad” at someone for stealing the rubber bands for my rainbow looms. I miss when i wasn’t so disgustingly ugly and I wish I could go back and stop being so self conscious because when I look at pictures, I think of how cute I was, and I wish I felt comfortable in clothes still. I miss getting little crushes on someone and being scared to tell them because you thought they’d reject you, and not falling head over heels for someone and not telling them because you thought they’d reject you and stop talking to you when they’re one of your closest friends. I miss when i didn’t curse so much and when I didn’t even know what a slur was. I miss learning about queer people and just thinking it’s cool instead of having so many people tell you how wrong it is and make up facts that have been disproven because they watch too much Fox News. Lastly, I miss the friends I don’t talk as much to anymore because we don’t have time, and when we see each other we’re the happiest people on earth, but still don’t see each other often. I’m literally crying right now because I’m still just a kid and now I can’t redo my childhood no matter how much I want to. Thanks for reading this, and yes, I’m still sad.
My best friend of over 17 years. I'm a paramedic and when I had my first bad call and started suffering from PTSD, my friendships started crumbling. I hoped I'd be able to count on you the way I had my whole life, but it's been over two years since we've so much as liked a social media post from each other. I miss you and it breaks my heart that you got married without me, but I'm tired of reaching out with no response.
My home town.
It's still there, in CA, but it's as sad, run down, filled with homeless and impossible to afford as the rest of the state. Died about 20 years ago, even though the corpse still jerks now and then.
Sounds like San Francisco. I feel the same about Oakland. It wasn't always how it is now and so much has changed about it in the worst ways, since I was a child. Then again, it still wouldn’t be the same even if the city stayed the same because a majority of the people I spent time with then are no longer here.
Being able to just....go. Wakeing up at 5 in the morning and thinking "I'm going to ride the motorbike down to see my friends today. I can be there by 10 for brunch"
A functioning UK government. UK politics stopped working the day after the referendum.
Some of us are just embarrassed about the state of the place.
My family...I was incarcerated and b/c of my mistakes, my family has written me off. I would love to reconnect with them someday.
This sounds like a situation that may just take time. Trust takes time to rebuild (from personal experience), and you can't hurry things along. In that time, the best you can do is just the next right thing, one after the other, to the best of your ability. After time, you may or may not get these people back, but in the meantime you will have built a life you can be proud of. Just tackle the day in front of you, one thing at a time. You've got this.
Everything my mother ever donated or threw away without my knowledge/permission.
my selfishness (carelessness) and my self esteem + my mental + emotional stability
my health and ability to walk. You don't appreciate it until it's taken away..
I understand you so much. I was young and ran an "official race" (not a Marathon, just a 10k, but my first). I was very badly advised by a trainer, and my knees were destroyed. I was not even 40 years old. Now I have a lot of difficulty just walking or climbing stairs.
My virginity
Same here. Along with the innocence of youth, both stolen by predators.
My luggage that Lufthansa airlines lost on July 2, 2022 on a flight from Berlin - Frankfurt - Paris. I only care about my daughter's jewelry box that we didn't know was inside the bag (by mistake!) There is my camera/accessories/shoes/all my travel stuff and my prescription eyeglasses too. The staff forced us to check all our bags because they said the flight was full. All I want is her jewelry which are low in value but priceless in sentiment.
My good name. To have the trust I onced had from colleagues, friends, and people close to me.
Wearing high heels. I injured one foot only slightly, and now i can only wear flats. I'm only 5'2" and everything about my wardrobe has had to change.
How about platforms or whatever they're called if ur insecure about ur height
My son and every piece of my life that has changed for the worst in the eight years he's been gone. Tragedies like his change every single person involved as well as every single dynamic you knew as normal before. Shits crazy.....
My adventurousness and fearlessness. I used to laugh at heights (providing I knew I was relatively safe) and just go on the fast, looping high rides.
And then I started watching fair ride accident videos. Started thinking about what would happen if I fall or slip while wall climbing, or if something in the harness breaks.
I'm so disappointed in myself for giving up half way up that wall just because I looked down.
Fair rides? I went on a few recently at a fair. All I can describe it now is 2-3 minutes of being stuck in survival mode, trying not to get injured too badly and keep in my seat. I left with bruised ribs and tailbone.
My purple dice. I got it when I was 4 and I stuffed a letter from my friend in it and it’s gone :(
My normal happy life. Too much stress day after day in my life now.
My childhood, my younger self, my healthy self.. I wish I could go back to the days I lost over nothing.
My old bored panda account. Apparently my school decided I can no longer use my school email for my bp account, so I had to make a new one. My old one wasn't deleted, but I can't access it anymore.
I had a storybird account in my tweens-early teens and I was so proud of it! It was a joyful and fun place to be but they moved to a subscription structure and I lost all my work; my stories and my poems. I miss that place. I read so many stories there that I would love to revisit and many that I would love to read.
My dad's side of my family. We had a very small but close family and have lost everyone but me and him (my dad). First my great grandfather then 3 years later my great grandmother, then my aunt (which was a complete shock and unexpected and hurts to this day because we were so close), grandmother a year and a half after and then just recently my grand father. I miss my family and nothing is how I thought it would be at age 28. They won't be here to see me get married or even have children which they'd have been surprised about since I told them I didn't see it in my future. I know it's a part of God's plan but I'll admit I miss them so much
Honestly I miss my grandma and great nana (nana passed) grandma I can no longer trust. I'm no contact with my mum because of abuse my whole childhood and adult hood and then I could see the abuse my children were going through at the hands of her and wanted better. So I stopped contact. My grandma doesn't agree. She believes that mum deserves more chances ext. But I can't risk my children.
Thing is. They were my salvation from a very unhappy childhood. They were the only positive In such a dark place. But they can't see that I need to not let my children get damaged like I was. They deserve better and I will protect them and love them. Its hard but my children have to be the most important thing. Always. My babies are the next generation. I don't want them having the same issues I do. I can barley leave the house. Barely speak to people. I lost all self worth and confidence.
My stuffed animal cat "Peanut butter" my brother threatened to throw it away because it was in the room he was cleaning but I was distracted and told him to do whatever he wants with it, I didn't think he'd actually throw it out. He did. On garbage day.
my selfishness (carelessness) and my self esteem + my mental + emotional stability
My trust in people. When you know people hate you: yeah, it's okay, you deal with that over time. But the people you love and trust: it breaks your heart. Unfortunately, we never get over it.
My 1.5 carat emerald cut diamond and platinum engagement/wedding band set. It had cracked from the pressure of my fingers, which had grown over 20+ years, and I took it off and put it in a purse in my closet, intending to take it to the jeweler for repair.
My husband and I were going through marital issues and, as I was upset with him, I wasn’t in a huge hurry to take the set in, though I certainly planned to do so eventually. Unfortunately, he died suddenly, I ended up selling the house and downsizing, and well-meaning family and friends helped me take things to charity stores. I didn’t notice the purse missing till much later, and by then it was gone without a trace.
I never filed a police report or insurance claim because I felt it was my own stupidity that led to the loss, but the ring was not only sentimental but beautiful and worth at least $20,000, possibly much more, as it was certified and nearly flawless.
There is not much I want back, but the first on my list would be my little sister who is gone now for more than 6 years, but I still miss her weekly calls. The second and last point on my list are my 3 fur babies who I also lost way before their time. Miss you, buddies.
It is so hard losing a sibling. It's been 21 years since my older brother died, and 13 since my youngest brother died. I still think of them almost every day. I hope you are able to hang onto the good memories.
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So I had this teddy bear that I got on my first Christmas. It went everywhere with me, even into adulthood. I was on a trip to Serbia, and I left him in the hotel. I wish I still had him.
There is not much I want back, but the first on my list would be my little sister who is gone now for more than 6 years, but I still miss her weekly calls. The second and last point on my list are my 3 fur babies who I also lost way before their time. Miss you, buddies.
It is so hard losing a sibling. It's been 21 years since my older brother died, and 13 since my youngest brother died. I still think of them almost every day. I hope you are able to hang onto the good memories.
Load More Replies... So I had this teddy bear that I got on my first Christmas. It went everywhere with me, even into adulthood. I was on a trip to Serbia, and I left him in the hotel. I wish I still had him.
