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I have HUGE crush on my bsf and i dunno what to do about it cuz there’s no way he’d ever like me.
I have been identifying as aroace for a bit now but I have a semi- romantic, mostly platonic, not sure if sexual, crush on a very good friend of mine. I’m stuck questioning and it’s not how I want to start off the new year. Plus he’s an ace already dating someone ( though his relationships never last long). However I am not sure how he views making out ( on terms on whether it is a romantic or sexual activity since views vary). I really like him but I have trust issues so knowing me I will just start randomly avoiding him/ghosting him. It’s causing me lots of anxiety and making me a bit depressed.
Aside from that, I have almost recovered from some eating disorders and one of the first things my grandma says to me this morning is how thin I look. Also I have been struggling with my obsessive-compulsive tendencies and it’s getting in the way of my sleeping,which is worsening my anxiety and depression. Finally, my therapist says I am exhibiting symptoms of a schizophrenia related mental illness and also bipolarism ( the second of which I sorta expected) and I already have so much on my plate between literally everything and its making me really nervous.
In conclusion, things could be better.
the worst part abt the ( as my therapist puts it) "early schizophrenia related disorder" is that i am too young for an effective treatment.
The other night my mind managed to convince me my sister was going to off her self the second I feel asleep and I had a panic attack and cried until 3am before I finally put on my headphones and some music quietly and fell asleep
My grandmother died three years ago and I still think it’s my fault, she was my best friend and I still feel like I could’ve done more. Every day I feel like I’m nothing, that I’m not good enough, and that I’ll never be whole. I just want to die so I can be at peace again. I hate self awareness.
