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Never. For me sexuality is a spectrum not categorical. It might change through your life.
I discovered I was not straight when I had a book crush on Elizabeth Bennett. Then I discovered I also wasn’t gay after having a book crush on Cedric Diggory. Now I realize, as someone with no gender, that I’m the Schrödinger’s Gay. I’m gay for everyone and nobody at the same time, no matter what their gender is. Also I discovered my asexuality after realizing that, you know, “doing it” didn’t sound appealing. I have never been attracted to the idea of it or experienced sexual attraction.
16! I had been wrestling with the possibility for years, I knew I was sexually attracted to women, I wished I had a girlfriend, but I was afraid that I was just faking it or convincing myself I was because many of the people in my life at the time who I idolized were part of the community. I thought maybe I just wanted to be like them. It had been a running joke in my friend group that I was lesbian, for such a long time that I can’t even remember what started it. I found a new and fantastic friend just a few months before the pandemic started, and between quarantine forcing me to be alone with my thoughts and having him to talk to about it, I came to the realization that I am a HUGE lesbian. Gayer than gay, it’s not even a question. I just needed a little help accepting that I was allowed to be, and shaking off that feeling of being an imposter. So, to anyone reading this who might be questioning, I have some advice I wish I had known sooner. You don’t need to wait for someone to approve your sexuality. If you think you’re gay, and you want to identify like that, then do it! No ones gonna hand you a pamphlet to walk you through that realization, and it might be a long and confusing process. The best thing to do is trust in yourself and how you feel. In the end, all that matters is that you are happy. You’ll figure it out, don’t worry!
Five. Knew I liked females and has not changed in 56 years.
I learned about aro people and it clicked. That's me! I was 13 at the time. It felt really good.
I knew for sure that I was attracted to men when I was around eighteen. Any thoughts that I could be anything else stopped at that point.
