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I would go back to 12 years old because that is where my mental health declined and anxieties started after my parents divorce. They didn't tell us what was happening. My mom moved to an apartment 'temporarily' my Dad said; they divorced because she cheated on him and what is sad is she left and he had tried to make it work regardless of the infidelity. We didn't have any furniture or belongings and ate very poorly. We didn't have a couch and had to sit on the floor. My Mom was depressed so we didn't do anything but watch TV all summer so when school came back around I had developed severe social anxiety due to the isolation. I also developed OCD and I believe it stemmed from not feeling I had control of life. All this happened during 9/11.
I wish I could restart there (12 years old) because in my adolescence it got worse and worse to where I almost wasn't functional. I dropped out of school at 15 due to the severe anxieties. Every single day was a struggle. I was home schooled and didn't Leave the house regularly. I feel like I missed out on my adolescence and it could have been avoidable if I was in a different environment during those earlier years during the divorce. When I was old enough I developed a drinking habit because alcohol helped 'cope' with the social anxiety. I would definitely do things far differently if I had the chance.
I really wish I could have restarted my whole adult life as well with making better decisions as at that point I had control and wasn't a kid anymore. I would have started saving money and never would have started drinking. I would have broken up earlier on with those guys that crushed me and it took a while to recover from the break-ups. I would hang on with dear life to relationships that were doomed at the start and stayed even after I was treated badly. They would end and it would feel like a mini-death. In reality these guys weren't worth my time and they definitely weren't worth my tears. I would have finished my associates degree in my early 20's. I would have entered my career earlier. I always felt I wasn't qualified enough to apply to certain jobs so I didn't which is why I never got further then. I was afraid to take risks.
At 30 years old I am finally getting it right and it almost hurts to think of the past and where I could have been if I got it all right the first time.
i wouldn't go biking that one evening.
has an accident, ruined my life.
disclaimer: no, my life isn't "different" since then, it's worse.
i am constantly in horrible pain.
I wouldn't.
Everything that has happened to me in my life up to this point has made me the person that I am today. If I were to go back and change one thing then I don't know who I'd be anymore. I don't know if I'd like the person I was. I don't know if I would have met everyone I'm thankful that I have in my life if I was different than I am now.
One change can shift so many variables. Sure it would have stopped one thing and I could have been a millionaire - or I could be in a much worse position than I'm in now and gone through worse than what I went through to begin with. I know that there are stories out there worse than my own and mine was horrifying by most peoples standards. I usually don't respond to these questions because people don't understand why I think the way I do.
I don't have many regrets but two stand out.
1. My divorced mom had a debilitating disease my whole life. She passed when I was in my early 30's. I was a great daughter - responsibility wise. However, I treated her like a responsibility instead of doing all I did out of love. I wish I would have realized it at the time. I really hope she did not realize it. Looking back though, I am afraid that she might have. If I had it to do all over again, I would try really hard to be more loving while I was being action orientated.
2. When I was five or six years old, I kicked my dog in the stomach in anger. It wouldn't do what I wanted it to do. My dog was not hurt as it was bigger than I was. However, it yelped a little bit, I think out of shock. I was sorry immediately and have never mistreated an animal since but it still haunts me fifty years later.
I'd redo my 20s. I worked myself to the bone with no savings just to be a "good employee" only for out whole unit to be laid off. I also did no focus on my social life. My anxiety made it worse, maybe I'd seek therapy if I were able to go back.
