My parents and I don't really go out, but I've started to go more. My wonderful, crazy, loving family just isn't normal, so can someone describe or instruct me simply?
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It really depends on where you are, and what kind of environment you're in.
For my purposes, let's say you're in the United States of America (where I live), and in a VERY formal restaurant (like, the servers are wearing tuxedos when they are serving you, you have wine and drinks regularly, pulling out all the stops).
The first thing to start with is table manners. If you start with basic table manners (eating with utensils, not eating too quickly or focusing on your food too much that you are annoying to your group), then you should be fine, to begin with.
The next thing is conversation. Most of the time if you're going to a fancy restaurant you are expected to converse with everyone you're with, unless you're by yourself... make good conversation, ask how everyone's day has been if the conversation isn't getting started. If you're being invited on a business dinner, let others talk first most of the time, unless you have something important to bring up. If people want to talk about business instead of personal life, give your full attention and make sure not to eat a whole lot and focus on other things.
Really, the whole overarching thing, is just be a good human being. Treat the servers and wait staff like they're actual people. Say "thank you" and "please". Don't let others in your party or yourself ask for any insane demands or treat others like they're garbage. Don't let your emotions get the best of you, and make sure that you are level headed... and if the staff really does a great job, PLEASE let them know at the end of your night. It will be worth it, for you and for them.
For clothing, ask others about what the vibe is :)
And if you have a different situation, like a slightly casual-er restaurant or a different country, feel free to ask :)
Simple really. After you've decided what you want to eat, wait for the server to return. They'll go around the table and listen to what each person wants to eat in turn, and record it. When they come to you, you read off the menu what you want to order, and then simply say "Thank you" as you hand the menu over.
Your waiter will come over with a menu. Look at them, give a little smile, and say, "Thank you." When they come to take your order say, "I would like ______, please." If you have any dietary restrictions, now is the best time to let them know.
Acknowledge their presence with a little nod, or smile. Use words like 'please' and 'thank you'.
Learn about tipping culture in your country. If it is routinely done, leave a tip for the waiter.
Click your fingers in the face of any of the staff. Or bang on the table and loudly shout "SERVICE!"
Nathaniel... this is the one time NOT to be funny. I mean you're amazing and very funny, but this is a genuine question... I know you didn't mean any harm
Couple of other points worth mentioning, Normally, once you're seated you will be asked if you'd like a drink. If you're going to want wine with your dinner you may first order an apertif at this point, anything from a glass of water (which you will get automatically in the US only) to a beer, a cocktail, whatever you want.. . . Then you'll be left with the menus, the drinks will be brought, you'll be asked if you're ready to order. Don't be rushed, if you haven't decided yet then take your time, drink your drink, until you are ready.... Once you've told the waiter what you want to eat they may ask if you want to order wine, sometimes from the same menu, sometimes from a separate wine list. In som places, especially in some parts of the US, they may not always prompt you, so just ask for the wine list if you want some..... The logic of this is that your wine choice will be made to accompany what you've chosen to eat, with some general 'rules' like most people would choose red wine with a steak, white wine with fish, but these are entirely up to you. But for this reason is is not normally expected that you'd order a bottle of wine until after you've made your food choices.
Actually wait, I just reread your question, and you specifically asked, how do I ORDER at a restaurant. This answer is simple; just find which items you want, wait for the server to come around to you, and when he comes to you, just simply say, "I would like ____, please." If they ask any clarifying questions, tell them the answers kindly and without a raised voice, don't take offense at anything they ask (there's always a reason for it), and then say thank you when you are done ordering.
I think I've talked about the basics, but if you want to talk about anything else, I'm happy to help! Ive only ever been to the US and the Caribbean, so if you're in Europe/Asia/Africa then it might be a bit different, at least culture-wise, and if you have any other questions then please ask :D Ive honestly been blessed to go to a good amount of fancy-ish dinners and I'm very grateful for it, its a great experience :) (Edit: I also kinda think I should've put be nice to your servers and the staff of the restaurant first, PLEASE just be kind to them, they help the restaurant so much and I think just dismissing the servers is the main thing people miss at these dinners).
Couple of other points worth mentioning, Normally, once you're seated you will be asked if you'd like a drink. If you're going to want wine with your dinner you may first order an apertif at this point, anything from a glass of water (which you will get automatically in the US only) to a beer, a cocktail, whatever you want.. . . Then you'll be left with the menus, the drinks will be brought, you'll be asked if you're ready to order. Don't be rushed, if you haven't decided yet then take your time, drink your drink, until you are ready.... Once you've told the waiter what you want to eat they may ask if you want to order wine, sometimes from the same menu, sometimes from a separate wine list. In som places, especially in some parts of the US, they may not always prompt you, so just ask for the wine list if you want some..... The logic of this is that your wine choice will be made to accompany what you've chosen to eat, with some general 'rules' like most people would choose red wine with a steak, white wine with fish, but these are entirely up to you. But for this reason is is not normally expected that you'd order a bottle of wine until after you've made your food choices.
Actually wait, I just reread your question, and you specifically asked, how do I ORDER at a restaurant. This answer is simple; just find which items you want, wait for the server to come around to you, and when he comes to you, just simply say, "I would like ____, please." If they ask any clarifying questions, tell them the answers kindly and without a raised voice, don't take offense at anything they ask (there's always a reason for it), and then say thank you when you are done ordering.
I think I've talked about the basics, but if you want to talk about anything else, I'm happy to help! Ive only ever been to the US and the Caribbean, so if you're in Europe/Asia/Africa then it might be a bit different, at least culture-wise, and if you have any other questions then please ask :D Ive honestly been blessed to go to a good amount of fancy-ish dinners and I'm very grateful for it, its a great experience :) (Edit: I also kinda think I should've put be nice to your servers and the staff of the restaurant first, PLEASE just be kind to them, they help the restaurant so much and I think just dismissing the servers is the main thing people miss at these dinners).
