Hey Pandas, AITA? (Closed)

I recently cut off my whole family and moved my son and me out of state to get away from their toxic behavior. Am I wrong for taking my son away from all of this toxicity?

Let me give a little background to get to the reasons I finally stood up to my family. First off I have had ADHD my whole life my mom refused to seek treatment for me as a child so Yes I was difficult when I was young I admit that since my son (5 yrs old) also has ADHD. I have an older sister(48), Twin(45F), and little sister(43), and since my parent's divorce at 9yrs old has made my life a living hell and I took it!

At 9yrs old, my mom started calling me names and would physically abuse my sisters and me when she was angry or we did something wrong. I do admit we kind of all got into trouble a lot because we were left home by ourselves while my mom worked. My dad would only interact with us every other weekend and usually at his girlfriend's house where they would smoke and drink all weekend and leave us to our own devices.

This behavior continued for a couple of years. At around 11 years old my older sister started hitting me and leaving bruises on my body. One instance of abuse was when my older sister told my mom that I did not wrap my swimsuit in my towel enough and it fell out of the towel into the bag and got the bag wet. My older sister lied(which she admitted later) and so my mom's punishment was to slap me across the face numerous excessive times to the point that I got a bloody lip and a bloody nose and blood splattered all over our lunch.

Another instance of abuse from my sister was at 12 years old. My mom left my sisters and me with our irresponsible father. Well, she went to California for the summer to see her boyfriend. My older sister's abuse and beatings at this point were daily and no adult stepped in to stop this. When my sisters and I were left with our father, he went out of town for a week on business and the abuse and beatings got worse (won't go into full detail) but there was some abuse that turned inappropriate. My twin sister and little sister would stick up for me to a point, but we're also part of the problem locking me out of the house laughing making fun of me, putting me down, and purposely telling me during a summer storm that the window was going to break and cut me to pieces just causing a lot of mental and emotional abuse even from my sisters. When I finally had enough of my older sister's physical abuse in more ways than one I told her I was going to tell someone and I got the worst beating of my life. My os was 15 and much stronger at this time and put black and blue bruises all over my body because I threatened to say something to an adult. I went to my friend's house, who knew my godmother at the time, and she kept me the rest of the summer until my mom got home.

My older sister after this incident went to live with my dad and the sibling physical abuse stopped, but the physical abuse from my mother increased tenfold. My mother would tell me that I was worthless and that I would never amount to anything, and when we went to California the next summer at 12:13 years old I had started my menstrual cycle and my older sister told all of my cousins and that was the reason we couldn't go to Disneyland. That same visit with my aunt another cousin snuck food out of her fridge and I was just watching TV because I wasn't feeling good and my aunt called me a liar, and accuse me of being a thief, and since then has hated me ever since. My mother did not stick up for me, and also agreed that I was lying I remember getting hit by her and wishing that I was dead.

At 14 my twin sister told everybody in eighth grade in our school that I was retarded and that the only reason I stayed in the same grade level as her was that my mom felt sorry for me. When my mom found out, she did nothing to fix that behavior, and that emotional abuse continued from my twin sister and little sister. when we hit high school that name-calling continued and they always called me Oh, you're no names sister the retarded one. My twin sister and little sister always excluded me from hanging out or wanting to be around and I felt like I was outdoors looking in. I had my own friends in high school, but they weren't considered popular because I didn't see the point of drinking and doing drugs and being stupid. My little sister at 14 years old had a baby and decided to keep it, which I helped her take care of my nephew was amazing! However, my twin sister and little sister still continue to leave me out of their hanging out or their activities because I was supposedly difficult to be around. my mother at 17 started calling me a whore and a worthless teenager and a bitch because supposedly both of my sisters were sexually active and I was not. At one point I stood up for myself and said you can't be a whore if you've never had sex and that shut my mother up that instant when I was 17 my twin sister and little sister told my mom that I was doing drugs and drinking when in fact, it was them who were. My mothers threaten to send me to rehab if I didn't shape up. At that point, I moved out of the house after telling her that they were lying to hide the fact that they were doing drugs and drinking.

After graduation, my twin sister, who never wanted to hang out with me wanted to start hanging out with my friends and I said no because you're my friends, but they all made me feel like I was being horrible.

At 22 years old, I ended up getting pregnant and having a nap, topic pregnancy, and had to have emergency surgery. My older sister thought it would be appropriate to call me a whore in the hospital and said that I deserved to have miscarried this child, because of my being a whore and sleeping around. When in fact, I had been on birth control to prevent pregnancy. When I said something to my mother, she said that It was just your sister being your sister.

Since the age of 22, my sisters and my relationship have been sporadic, and in fact, I still felt left out. My little sister and twin sister would go to Las Vegas for our birthday and would not include me or would ask at the last second if I wanted to go, knowing I would not be able to get off from work. at this time, my family dinners that we did have would consist of making fun of me, and or antics that I did in my childhood/teenage years around the dinner table and really putting me down and making me feel horrible. At one point, I asked them to stop and, they all laughed and said that they had to have some type of joke at dinner and I was the best joke. This continued on until my mom met my stepdad. Still feeling left out still feeling worthless and not part of the family.

My mom met my new stepdad, and I got along very well. He taught me more in my adult life than my dad or mother ever did. My stepdad did not tolerate my sisters and mom putting me down and using jokes around the dinner table so that finally stopped. When I was 29 years old, my real dad got sick and started declining due to years of smoking and drinking and it was either put him in a home or have him come live with me because he could no longer live on his own. I was still young and the responsibility for that was a lot and could've used my sister's help. When I asked for help from them, I would get the I am too busy, You chose to take this on, or I can't be bothered with this. When my dad passed away after only living with me for five months, my sisters finally stepped in to help take all of his possessions away. I was angry at them because they couldn't be bothered to help me take care of them when it's alive but the minute that he passed away, they had no problem taking all his possessions out of my home. My dad had books that were 100 years old a camera that was 70 years old watches, and little things like that, that yes I would've liked to have some of that as well. The only thing that I have truly is his baby blanket and his stuffed doll from when he was a baby. I do admit, I was very angry, very depressed, and didn't know where my life really was going because I did find my dad deceased in my home. At this point, my sisters in my relationship would be nonexistent and we would only see each other on holidays or at my mom's house, whenever my mom needed help, she would call me because she knew I would be the only one to show up. There are times I felt like I was being manipulated to show up and help her.

When my twin sister got married my stepdad and mom put a significant amount of money into her wedding. My mom bought this new dress. My stepdad paid for their honeymoon and really went all out for her wedding. When I got married at 39 (my only marriage), I asked if my mom and stepdad would help me with the wedding venue. My mom told me because I was 39 that I was on my own even though this is my first marriage. My mom wore a dress that made her look frumpy my sisters refused to get bridesmaids' dresses and ended up choosing a polka-dotted colorful dress that looked like they were going to a garden party. My sisters planned a bachelor party for me within three hours and we just ended up going to a local bar where they took off and I did not see them the rest of the night. My wedding was a disaster! My mother put a hole in my veil from ironing, and my soon-to-be husband and his brothers were severely intoxicated. My sisters were being snotty. Basically, we should've gone to Vegas. I probably would've had more fun. My stepdad left right after the wedding because he was having pain from arthritis understandable, so I was not able to have a father-daughter dance. My mother was being a total jerk to the in-laws, granted I did not like my husband's mother. That's a whole other story.

After years of being told that I would never have kids my husband and I found out I was pregnant. This was my little rainbow baby miracle and we were so excited when I finally told my sisters about being pregnant I thought that we would finally get to be sisters. I always want it. Unfortunately, my sisters still left me out of the sibling dynamic and really made me feel worthless and not part of the family, my sisters planned my baby shower within one day which was at my twin sister's house. There were no decorations, no thought or planning. My sister sent out a text message to family members and friends about the baby shower being the next day at this time and to let them know if they could show up well of course it left people scrambling and family members scrambling and a lot of my friends were not able to come because of short notice. The baby shower turned out OK but you could definitely tell it was not thought through and really put no thought or feeling into it because of the stress and other issues with my husband I ended up delivering my son four days later my husband had his own issues and did not really find out about those issues, until after my son was born, my husband lied about having multiple jobs lied about his drinking drug use. I'm pretty sure he cheated on me and would call me names be very abusive, mentally, and physically after a year of this abuse and my son being witness to this I had finally started having enough. One night my now ex-husband was drunk and in a rage because I told him to get a job or I was turning off his phone since I was paying the bills and he got really mad and started tossing furniture and threw a toy at my son's head, the next day I went and got a restraining order and got him out of the home over the last three years. It has been a horrible divorce battle and custody battle with my sisters really not listening to me and my concerns and fears my sisters have not really been involved with my son not showing up at birthday parties really not engaging even though, I wanted to do Easters since it would be my son's first and we did all of their children's firsts. My sisters told me that Easter comes every year and I'm making too much of a big deal. My sisters really again have made me feel like my son and I are not part of the family and they have shown that again I feel like I am on the outside looking in.

When my son turned four years old, none of my sisters showed up to his birthday because they had other plans or could not be bothered. At this point, I really felt hurt because they could not be there for one of my son's birthdays when I was there for all of their children's birthdays, I was there when their child hit milestones and felt really like my son was not worth their time.

I am sorry this is so long, but now here comes the real question am I the asshole? At Easter dinner with my family in 2022. My twin sister brought her new boyfriend over, and my sisters and my mom thought it would be OK to start making fun of me and putting me down in front of this person I have never met. I was sitting there, and they were laughing about how I was a difficult child, and difficult to be around even as an adult, and that I was just a horrible person. My older sister said that I was their personal property to torture and make fun of and that as a child anyone outside of the family that did that would get beat up. Of course, everybody started laughing and really made me feel horrible and worthless and just again that I don't belong I tried to get them to stop but of course, my sisters and my nephews and my mother were all laughing, and really just made me feel horrible. Now my son is four and may not remember a lot of things but one of the things that he would learn from them is that it's OK to put people down and make them feel horrible and that, the people who they put down's feelings don't matter. I did not want him to be raised with that attitude, nor did I want that behavior to be acceptable. I said I had had enough and I got my son and we left all through the night by the thought about it, and after all the years of abuse, mentally, physically emotionally, I finally decided to stick up for myself, I sent a text message to my sisters and my mother and my nephews who are laughing and I said this is not acceptable behavior and I don't appreciate being made fun of or being put down and not being treated with respect. I said that I am your sister and deserve to not be made to feel worthless or feel like I'm looking in from the outside, really just expressed all of my feelings and anger from over the years. My sisters' and mother's response were oh you're just being ridiculous. We weren't making fun of you. You're just being oversensitive and just being difficult as usual. I told them that I am allowed to express my feelings and express that they have made me feel worthless, for most of my life, and my sister's response was well. I am sorry you feel that way. Instead of getting the response, I am so sorry if we ever made you feel that way, I got you're just being ridiculous and being selfish and it's my own fault for having those feelings and that perception. I said I was not going to raise my son and a family. We're putting each other down and making someone feel worthless was acceptable and until they could apologize, we would have no contact with them and nor with my son my mother sent an email to me calling me a whore in a bar (evidently my nephew saw me out with friends on my birthday at a bar and didn't say hi). My mother was calling me a horrible human being, and a horrible mother for denying her the right to see my son, and that she hoped my son would never have to realize how horrible of a person I was being. I told her I'm sorry that she feels that way and that I am breaking the cycle of mental physical manipulation and abuse. In August 1922 I had the chance to move my son to South Dakota with a best friend of mine for a cheaper cost of living and getting him away from his dad who's an alcoholic and a pathological liar. It has been seven months since I've talked to my family, but there are times I feel guilty that he may be missing out but then there are times that I know I've done the right thing. My son is a very happy-go-lucky kid who does have ADHD but I am doing everything I can to make sure that he has a normal childhood and will be raised, knowing that he's not difficult to be around like I was my whole life.

So, am I the asshole for taking him away from my sisters and mom and wanting to break that cycle of abuse?