Headlines! They ought to be short, clear, and to the point. Ideally, they’ll also have a dash of humor or a cheesy pun thrown in to keep us entertained. Considering the massive amount of information each and every one of us is bombarded with on a daily basis, we prefer to get our news bite-sized and easily digestible. Who has the time to read everything cover to cover, anyway? And those of us who find the time for long-form content really want to know what kind of story we’re getting into. Some headlines, however, totally catch us off guard and make us do a double take.

So much so that we can’t help but sink our teeth into the story because of how dystopian it sounds. Bored Panda has collected the weirdest news story headlines out there that were probably meant to sound super wholesome and cheerful, yet are actually anything but. Tone-deaf and miserable? Yup, yup. Feel-good and heartwarming? Nope, nope.

Once you think about it for more than two seconds, you realize just how messed up the stories really are. Like features about coworkers donating their time off to a seriously sick colleague. Or people teleworking from the hospital. Or posts about kids starting up businesses to pay off someone’s debt. It really makes you think that these acts of kindness wouldn’t be needed if society prioritized different things.

If you have any faith in humanity left, we suggest you lock it up tight somewhere safe, dear Pandas. Where we’re going, we’ll only have unfairness and outrage as our companions. Share your opinions on these headlines and stories in the comments. And be sure to check out Bored Panda’s chat about the news, clickbait, and being overwhelmed by negativity with Ariane Sherine. She is the editor at ‘These Three Rooms,’ is super media-savvy, and has published a whole bunch of awesome books. You’ll find the full interview below.

#1

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Bmchris44 Report

James016
Community Member
2 months ago

You know the price will go back up when they want it to.

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#2

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

MoggyBee Report

The Scout
Community Member
2 months ago

To quote Wikipedia: "The United States, Papua New Guinea, and a few island countries in the Pacific Ocean are the only countries in the United Nations that do not require employers to provide paid time off for new parents."

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#3

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

MRTA03 Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

This man is should qualify for the avengers.

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Writer and editor Ariane shared her insights about how to make a headline stand out from the crowd and why clickbait works.

“Work out what in the article people want to know most, and then write a headline that suggests they'll learn that if they click on it—but ensure the payoff is just as good as the headline promises,” she shared some of her journalistic expertise with Bored Panda.

#4

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

UltimateWebRedditor Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

It's not in the budget. The football/ sports team comes first after all.

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#5

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

nokia621 Report

TotallyNotAFox
Community Member
2 months ago

To be fair, better to have and not needing it than the other way around - and there are a lot of projects to save the bees already

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#6

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

meidasjordy Report

Jyri Hakola
Community Member
2 months ago

Or it depends if she wanted to walk to show an example to grandkids or if she were forced to walk without any alternatives. Many of these headlines are clearly horrific but this would need the article text to judge

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“Clickbait works because people are desperate to know the 'one weird trick that doctors don't want you to know!' or similar. When it turns out that the trick is actually something really mundane, readers feel cheated," she said, adding that this probably won’t stop them from clicking on future clickbait headlines. In short, clickbait works, but you really don’t want to mess with your readers’ expectations. You’ve gotta make it worth their while.

#7

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

yashar Report

Caro Caro
Community Member
2 months ago

Sometimes I wish I was so disgustingly filthy rich just to be able to help kids like this little girl.

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#8

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Notintheface1 Report

Olivia Lisbon
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Honestly, with stuff like this and gerrymandering - some politicians are clearly trying to revert back to ancient Roman “democracy”, where you could vote - but only if you were an adult male and not a slave. There are “officially” no slaves now, so they’ve just replaced that group with “anyone who isn’t a carbon copy of me”.

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#9

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

George Floyd did not sacrifice his life for shit, he was murdered by a racist cop in a racist system

reddit.com Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

What's the point of voting if it's just picking the lesser or two evils

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According to media expert Ariane, from the UK, bad news tends to be a lot more dramatic than good news. And, well, drama really makes for a more entertaining read, no matter how miserable the story might be.

“This instinct towards drama and not empathy doesn't show humanity in its best light,” she said.

In her opinion, people read negative news for the same reason why they gawp at car crashes. “They want to ogle at what's happened because it's dramatic and entertaining and scary, but it's also a warning of what could happen to them if they're not careful.”

#10

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Public_Citizen Report

Jyri Hakola
Community Member
2 months ago

The whole concept of sick days as something that is counted and could be donated is mindbogglin

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#11

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

A child can’t stay on the transplant list, solely because he’s homeless.

livfenty Report

JuJu
Community Member
2 months ago

I effing hate your ways, usa

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#12

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

LEBassett Report

Rod
Community Member
2 months ago

In what kind of country does a 89 year old man still needs to deliver pizza to be able to make a living?

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We can easily become overwhelmed by all the negativity on the news and on social media. The truth is that life isn’t as horrible and evil as it’s presented: there’s a lot of beauty and good to be found, too.

Writer and editor Ariane shared her advice on what to do if you feel like you’re drowning in all the drama and awful headlines.

#13

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

MJFINESSELOVER Report

Angela B
Community Member
2 months ago

Now THAT is heartbreaking.

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#14

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

BelleAriel Report

Péter Rózsahegyi
Community Member
2 months ago

'...so his friend can afford to eat without going into debt.' No. He paid the debt that was already made. If they eat again, they will go into debt again. He is a hero but to solve the problem is well over his power.

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#15

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

mortalstampede Report

Cross Oni
Community Member
2 months ago

This is f*****g ludicrous.

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“Turn off the telly or computer and immerse yourself in the good things in life. Pet a dog, spend time with the kids, run a hot bubble bath, read a lighthearted rom-com, speak to a cheery friend you care about, or go for a walk in the sunshine. It won't mean there aren't bad things in the world anymore of course, but shifting your focus will mean you soon feel a bit brighter and happier.” Any advice that involves petting dogs is 100% accurate, according to our local doggos and pupperinos.

#16

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

IfBarack Report

TotallyNotAFox
Community Member
2 months ago

Sounds like some kind of slavery "Do good or you won't get necessary stuff"

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#17

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

throwaway8902929383 Report

TotallyNotAFox
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Paid time for a visit to a doctor is the standard in Europe and five paid days off would be illegal if they don't add at least 19 days on top of that - but well, it's the USA after all

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#18

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

jentrification Report

MyloXyloto
Community Member
2 months ago

It's sad that she'd be in this condition, but in a way, it was probably her decision, and it's sweet that she cares for the students enough to do this.

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Quite a few of the wholesome-but–actually-awful news stories that come out from the United States have to do with the mess of a healthcare system that’s in place. We’ve covered why the system doesn’t work before, but in short, there are a lot of funds wasted on administrative costs, competition is scarce, and insurance providers care more about keeping costs down than patients healthy.

#19

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Aww it's so cute, he is so rich he has no idea about life at all, yet he has so much power

MyDarkKnightRose Report

Monday
Community Member
2 months ago

Not sure this has anything to do with his wealth....I have absolutely no clue what pizza rolls cost. I'm assuming Bill Gates doesn't eat pizza rolls, so he'd have no reason to know the price.

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#20

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

WrittenByHanna Report

Abhinc
Community Member
2 months ago

And i guess he still has to pay taxes on this extra money right !?

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#21

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Nigerian_OG Report

Humanoid Panda
Community Member
2 months ago

At least he did not get a ticking for 'destroying public property'.

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See Also on Bored Panda

A while back, Bored Panda spoke to Dr. Andrew Carroll, the head of Atembis LLC, about how healthcare providers have a clear financial incentive to keep the system as it currently is.

"It will be very difficult to reduce the administrative costs without overhauling the payment system altogether," he told us.

#22

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

JoshuaPotash Report

Rod
Community Member
2 months ago

This was on the news in France and everybody finds this so sad....

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#23

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

deepwatermike Report

Tamra
Community Member
2 months ago

A civilized country would make sure no child has such a ridiculous thing such as "lunch debt" - feed them all! At no cost to them or their families! But then, you don't give a damn whether they have to defend against a shooter, so why the f**k would you care if they can eat or not, eh? I apologize for the rant, I am so disgusted with my country lately.

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#24

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

People Incarcerated by State Do More Fore Student Than State

Semiattractivetamale Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

You know the government is bad when even the criminals are the good guys

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"Unfortunately, these payers tend not to have altruistic intentions towards their members. They cater to the advantage of the employers paying for the benefits, who want to try and spend the least amount of money they can,” Dr. Carroll said.

"Employers that pay for benefits will need to demand more of the companies providing the benefits or patients will need to file class-action lawsuits to demand that benefits due to them are not unduly restricted, as they are today."

#25

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

speechboy71 Report

James016
Community Member
2 months ago

I'm sure there is someone, somewhere moaning that if the kid worked harder, he could have paid for his own wheelchair /s (ish)

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#26

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

johnogpdx Report

Random Anon
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Next up, Random Mathguy wins $$$ for his Physics 101 class material. Coming up next, teenagers getting injured doing random stunts.

#27

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

sharynesque Report

TotallyNotAFox
Community Member
2 months ago

Another thing would be the hospital bill - that's why the concept of "Breaking Bad" only works in an US setting

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Meanwhile, media expert Mike Sington, from LA, shared his thoughts about our shortening attention spans.

"Our attention spans have been reduced to mere seconds at a time because that’s the way information and entertainment is fed to us now. People get tiny bite-sized bits of news by scrolling a Twitter feed, they entertain themselves by scrolling quickly through Instagram and TikTok. It’s creating a habit that doesn’t have to be,” he explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview.

#28

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Voodoo_Pork Report

TotallyNotAFox
Community Member
2 months ago

Or that there is a serious lack of public transportation

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#29

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

feather_of_charcoal Report

Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
2 months ago

An American friend of mine lost her job, and I blithely said hey why not go back to university and get an advanced degree like I did when I was looking to switch careers for something that paid better? She said not possible because she can't afford the student loans, and I said oh but you just pay those off once you can afford it, which is also what I did. She told me no, here you have to pay it off immediately. I, the naive Australian, couldn't think of anything to say other than "WHAT??"

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#30

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

A very cruel and efficient system

LynettaShade Report

The Scout
Community Member
2 months ago

This is not only limited to the military. The US are probably the only country that permanently uses debt as a means of control. Medical debt, student loan debt, lunch debt... To quote Hamlet: "it may be madness, but there's method in it..."

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"The good news is there’s plenty of long-form entertainment and news available, you just have to seek it out. I believe the benefit is worth it. I’ve discovered it improves your ability to focus, it’s more calming, you retain more information, and it gives you a more balanced and nuanced view of the world,” he advised people to try and change how they consume the news.

#31

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Work till you’re dead

TheBakerification Report

The Scout
Community Member
2 months ago

This one might actually not really belong on this list, as the reasons are different. Japan has a demographic problem with an aged population. More than a quarter of the population is over 65, over 15% are older than 75. There also is the problem of a different work ethic (people won't stop working until they absolutely become unable to, regardless of their financial situation), and they have been battling labour shortages for decades. Their restrictive stance on immigration has worsened the problem. Working longer is an unpleasant but unavoidable necessity in this case.

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See Also on Bored Panda
#32

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Magic

Morsman Report

Jul Chv
Community Member
2 months ago

Shocker. Who´d have thought?

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#33

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

jules_su Report

Tamsin Far
Community Member
2 months ago

Honestly.. having trouble at some time with organizing child care can happen everywhere. Free childcare services does not guarantee that this service is available at any given moment for everyone, especially not since 2019.

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#34

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

UltraBlue92 Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

Let. The . Children. Get . Education. This is not classics 101

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#35

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

LifeLivedWildly Report

Alma Muminovic
Community Member
2 months ago

That was very sweet of the nurse.

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#36

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

socializm_ Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

So child labour is legal if it's cute and by white kids ( I say this because a non white kid would be in handcuffs)

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#37

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Multigenerational wars are a good thing, right?

incogburritos Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

Fighting in the same old war so that old men can cash in on the deaths of the young

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#38

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Crying at work

Winkelkater Report

TotallyNotAFox
Community Member
2 months ago

"How a lack of workers can be a great opportunity for the management to experience work at the base for once"

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#39

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

Uhhh..."drawback"?

fafabull Report

James016
Community Member
2 months ago

Work is means to an end.

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#40

Heartwarming-Headlines-Dystopia-World

JustSayXtian Report

duck
Community Member
2 months ago

no. ACAB is wrong. the bad police are the ones who are racist, homophobic, and overly violent. fix our justice system, not create little hateful abbreviations for it

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