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Who is a bigger threat to a woman alone in the woods? A man or a bear? That 2024 viral social media debate revealed a lot. And it wasn't pretty. In the original TikTok video, 7 out of 8 women interviewed said they'd choose the bear. Many others followed suit with their own posts, painting a rather grim picture of how they feel around men.
Maybe it's not too surprising, given that there are around 40 bear attacks on humans annually. Worldwide. And not all are fatal. That's a stark comparison to U.N. statistics, which reveal that globally, around 51,100 women and girls died at the hands of their intimate partners or other family members. In 2023 alone.
Let's not beat around the bush... Many women are scared of men. And they have their reasons. There are guys that understand and act accordingly. Then there are those who are completely oblivious. Or just don't care. Someone recently asked, "What's something a man did that instantly made you feel unsafe, even if it wasn't aggressive?" And women did not hold back. Some stories are heartbreaking, some are eye-opening. Some are truly terrifying.
Bored Panda has put together a list of the top answers. And after scrolling through them, you might agree that there is indeed a lot to learn and correct. To drive the message home, we've included some sobering stats about what women are facing on a daily basis. You'll find that between the images.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I was a cashier at a fast food place when I was 18 and I took this guy’s order, he asked me what time I got off. I said “oh, um later tonight” it was like 4pm. instant red flags. He proceeded to sit in the lobby, within eye view, and waited for hrs. It turned dark and he was still there, still glancing every so often. It was getting closer to my clock out time and I was petrified, he hadn’t done anything, but I was scared to walk out to my car. I hid in the office and the old grill cook finally went to the lobby and told him off, that I’d left through the back door. Apparently he came back the next day looking for me, I had the day off, the grill cook told him I’d quit because he scared me. He never came back after that.
The grill cook Demarcus was a real one. I hope he’s living a good life.
PeepPeep the duck 1 month ago
What a weirdo, we had it happen to a young waitress once. Me and my bf drove her home. Scared me too, but luckily my bf at that time was huge 300kgs and tall. (Total kitten but he looked scary).
1 in 3 women around the world have experienced violence at least once in their lives. 736 MILLION WOMEN! That's a rather scary statistic, brought to us by the U.N. Women Data Hub.
And if that stat didn't hit home hard enough, in 2022, the World Bank revealed that an estimated 245 million experienced intimate partner violence (IPV) in the last 12 months alone. That's 10% of all women, ages 15 and above. Remember that the figure doesn't include violence carried out by non-partners. And that many cases of IPV go unreported.
"The true figures are likely to be even larger because of the difficulties women face in being open about experiences of violence," explains the World Bank. "Evidence shows that violence from an intimate partner can often go unrecorded, due to social stigma and women not wanting to make things worse for themselves."
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#2
Speak to me in an Asian language (usually Japanese, sometimes Chinese) trying to impress me. That tells me right away that he sees me as a stereotype based on my complexion rather than as a person.
Whenever that happens I always answer in fluent French, and then act surprised when he doesn't understand "white language.".
I recently watched "She Said." If you haven't heard of it, it's a movie about the two New York Times reporters who broke the Harvey Weinstein story and opened the floodgates for women around the world to join the #MeToo movement. It's a gripping, eye-opening film that highlights how women suffer in silence, often too afraid to speak up against the men who do them harm.
For decades, Weinstein took advantage of vulnerable actresses and other women he worked with. His despicable acts went under the radar, as he paid his survivors to keep quiet, while some of those around him helped cover his tracks. But the movie also shines a light on the bravery and courage of women in the face of what can only be described as pure evil.
#3
Went on a few dates with this guy… following week he asked if we could go out to dinner and I was like oh man I’m sorry, I have plans with girls from work that night but maybe the next night we could do something?
I never said who specifically I was going with and he didn’t know any of my coworkers outside of like seeing them twice when he picked me up from work for two dates. I never said where we were going.
I’m mid conversation with my friends at dinner and one of them is like “uhh… did you know your friend was coming?” I’m like what friend? And I look up and the guy is walking towards our table and sits down like he was invited.
All conversation just stopped and we all stared at him. I still have no idea how he knew where I was. I didn’t have a car at the time so it’s not like he spotted my car and knew I was there.
After an incredibly long awkward silence I was like so… I told you I’m not free tonight.
He was like if you’re going to be like that don’t bother talking to me anymore. So I didn’t.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 month ago
I've seen this one before and it is still creepy AF! Halving been stalked before, THAT is stalker sh!t.
The disgraced film producer and Miramax co-founder was sentenced to 23 years in prison in 2020. But New York's highest court last year overturned his conviction and sentence. It was a move that left #MeToo activists shocked and angry.
"The court found that the original trial judge allowed prejudicial testimony," reported the Guardian. "That judge's term expired in 2022, and he is no longer on the bench."
73-year-old Weinstein is currently being retried in a Manhattan criminal court. And this time, the jury is majority female...
#4
Had a dude really snidely ask why I was taking my purse with me to the restroom so, matching his energy, I whole chestedly announced that I needed to change my tampon and didn't feel like I needed his permission to be discreet about it.
The look he gave me you would have thought I s**t on the table. Then he got really red and quietly told me to stop making a scene and we'd talk about it after dinner.
I dropped a twenty on the table, grabbed my jacket and booked it. I grew up with an a*****e mother, I know what that kind of phrase really means. Maybe he would have stopped at just words but I was not risking it for a first date. .
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 month ago
Never ever leave your phone or your drink behind when you hit the bathroom. I've seen how fast a creep can go to work.
#5
I had a doctor very cleverly, sneakily, and casually rub my foot on his p***s. He kept the conversation going the entire time, with as much eye contact as physically possible. He knew exactly what he was doing but was trying to keep talking as if it wasn't happening. My mom was in the room, thankfully. I used the position to my advantage and essentially slowly kicked him in the d**k 🤌 (found out later on he's no longer practicing, so I can only hope no other woman got actually assaulted).
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
With the mum being in the room, how old was the patient? Creepy f*****g behaviour from the doctor. Hope he gets what he deserves.
"She Said" got me thinking about how prevalent gender-based violence (GBV) is. And how it would be hard to find a woman who hasn't been in a scary or uncomfortable situation with a man, at least once in her life. I come from a country where the government has labeled GBV a 'national crisis' and a 'second pandemic.' So that should tell you a lot.
“We have amongst the highest rates of intimate partner violence," said South Africa's president, Cyril Ramaphosa, while addressing the nation in 2020. "This is a scourge that affects us all: young and old, black or white, rich and poor, queer or cis, rural or urban. It pervades every sphere of our society... We are in the throes of a deep crisis that must be brought to a decisive end."
But the following year, the United Nations Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women found that "the failure of South Africa to prevent and protect women and girls from domestic violence constitutes grave and systematic violations of rights under international law."
#6
Working in retail - weekend job in my early twenties. After work eats and drinks.
Work colleague that I had never shown any interest in, came over and shouted in my face when I was chatting and flirting a little with a guy in the bar. He behaved as though he owned me and who did I think I was talking to men, that I was a s**t(!) because I’d let him buy me a drink earlier and I was leading him on!! After trying to defend myself and fleeing to the toilets, these girls I had never met consoled me after listening that this idiot was not my boyfriend and I didn’t know why he had behaved like that. Those feisty young women, Roman shield- style, marched me past him after calling me a cab, staying with me outside until the cab came.
Unbeknownst to me, he had been telling my week day colleagues that we were dating. I managed to convince management it was a lie the following day but the damage was done and I quit at the same time.
His level of anger was so unhinged and truly frightening. I didn’t even like him that way and had never encouraged him in any way because of that. I was so petrified of him, even with knowing that this workplace was far from my home and he knew nothing about me.
The Word Bank notes that the two regions with the highest-known prevalence of IPV are Sub-Saharan Africa, "where 33% of women aged 15–49 years have suffered IPV in their lifetime and 20% in the last year alone, and South Asia, where 35% of women in the same age bracket have experienced it in their lifetime and 19% in the last year."
It adds that young women aged 15 to 19 are the most affected by IPV. Stats show that by the time they are 19 years old, 1 in 4 adolescent girls who have been in a relationship will already have suffered at the hands of a partner.
#7
On a group caving tour, the sort where you float in the river in the cave on a ring for a bit, the guide pulled me by the foot away from the group and into the dark to “show me something cool” despite my firm then frantic protestations. After my kicking and shouting for my friend, he let go of me so I could swim back to the group while sulking that I was “boring”.
It’s not the worst thing that’s happened to me, but it was one time that my alarms were absolutely RINGING in my ears to GET OUT.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
Should have reported him. Dangerous behaviour in a dangerous situation.
A growing number of women are single, and many of them are living alone, notes Daniel A. Cox, director of the Survey Center on American Life, adding that they are less likely to be attached to a community such as a religious congregation, and many live far from immediate family members. Cox was commenting on statistics that show women have become more afraid of men since the #MeToo movement.
#8
I had an ex boyfriend when we were dating that liked to pick me up randomly in public. Not even in the maiden type way, like just plucked me up tall ways and wouldn’t put me down no matter how many times I’d ask. I hated it and It made me feel like he didn’t respect me, or care about me saying “no.” But I was young and naive and continued the relationship. Well, he recorded us f*****g (without my knowledge or consent) and then gaslit me when I caught him. He was a piece of s**t who never saw me as anything other than something to play with. I shoulda known at the first moment he made me feel uncomfortable.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
Complete lack of respect. Being playful is one thing, but when told no and carry on anyway? F**k that.
"Young women today are also more likely to live in cities surrounded by strangers, specifically strange men. With the rise of dating apps, their dating experiences more regularly put them in contact with men who have no connection to their offline lives, making personal safety a legitimate concern," writes Cox.
He says that even though much is being done to protect women in the workplace, bullying and exploitative behavior online is increasingly common.
#9
"I'm a nice guy"
The second they say that, I know they aren't a nice guy lol.
#10
Asked me to meet up at like 10 pm to take a Walk in the woods together and proceeded to Call me boring when I firmly declined.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 month ago
Where I'm from, you don't go out in the woods at night without mace or a gun.
Cox says while it's a good thing that more women are speaking up about their fears around men, it's less ideal that so many conversations about the topic occur online. "Social media algorithms segregate these conversations in ways that reinforce pre-existing world views," he explained, adding that women are inundated with stories while most men hear little or nothing about these incidents and how they impact women's lives.
"It's especially unfortunate because an open conversation would help bridge the gap in understanding," said Cox. "Men might come to better understand how these fears influence decisions that women make."
#11
Stood too close to me. There's an instinctive 'bubble' humans have in socialisation, we know up-close is verboden unless we KNOW each other. But standing so close to me I can feel your breath? You've invaded my bubble. Step the f**k out because I do NOT feel safe with people who invade the bubble without permission.
#12
When I was 16 maybe 17, I was with a guy friend at an amusement park that was having a Halloween event with all sorts of scary mazes and whatnot. There were supposed to be more friends with us but they flaked so just the two of us went. Apparently he took this as an excuse to try (emphasis on try) to turn our hangout into a date. He kept grabbing me by “bumping into me” in the dark (it wasn’t that dark), he kept buying me food (I would always counter by buying him MORE food so I wouldn’t owe him anything), and he just kept making weird comments that were vaguely flirtatious but not enough to call out directly.
The whole outing was incredibly uncomfortable and, when it was time to head home (he was my ride home), we got in his car and I got buckled up and everything but he just sat there. And then, after a notable silence, he said “I wonder how many people are having s*x in their cars right now.”
I laughed nervously and retorted by saying “Hah! Or doing d***s! Crazy right?” and then I proceeded to turn on Eminem’s “Rap God” loudly on my speakerphone and I started rapping along very poorly until he finally started taking me home. Don’t ask me why that was my move, but hey it worked.
On the way home he took a wrong turn, and while I’m sure it was accidental it scared the s**t out of me considering what just happened, so I corrected him immediately and thankfully he got back on track and got me home without any incidents.
I never hung out with him again.
#13
I was at a nature preserve taking photos and happened to be wearing a shirt with one of those "evolve fish" on it along with a science positive message. I was there with my family, but they were slightly further down the trail. A couple guys were approaching so I turned to give them the friendly nod as you do in the South.
That's when one of them looked at me with the most terrifying expression and said, "I hate your shirt."
Now, that may seem pretty tame, but the look in his eyes was scary as f**k. I began backing up towards my family and his friend started pulling him away. He let his friend lead him away, but he kept his eyes on me until they went around a bend in the trail. It was like being watched by a predator. I fully believe that if I had been alone, he would have attacked me.
#14
When you don’t give them what they want and that shadow falls over their eyes and face. Ugh….
#15
Bought me a drink and then joked about it being spiked, followed by a nervous laugh.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 month ago
Seen it. It's amazing how fast that random white powder goes in. I was telling the bartender and security inside of a minute and I never saw him again.
#16
My most recent therapist and I were talking about beliefs and I told him I was an atheist and his demeanor immediately changed. He got incredibly tense and visibly rigid, got really curt, and glared at me the same way my dad and brother used to when they really wanted to hurt me- and eventually would. It was the kind of glare that you know is followed up by an attack. And he just sat there for a bit, glaring in silence, jaw clenched, unblinking. And then said “let’s just schedule your next session”. Which we did, and I cancelled it two days later because I felt so unsafe.
I know that if it hadn’t been a virtual appointment, he would’ve hurt me. I feel it in my gut.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 month ago
This is why I only go to therapists who are not men. I do not and never will trust men.
#17
Invited me to his house, asked me up to his bedroom to listen to music, acted perfectly normally for several hours, then got between me and the door when I stood up to leave, and didn’t let me out for half an hour until I reminded him that my mother was expecting me back by a certain time. I’d just turned 14, and it didn’t worry me especially at the time because, as far as I was concerned, this was just how boys acted sometimes.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 month ago
Gen-X flashbacks. If you remember the Bicycle Man episode of Different Strokes. You know what I'm talking about.
#18
When I was 17 I worked at a small grocery store where I was often the only cashier on shift, so I was alone a lot. I had a consistent rotation of creepy, older men who had zero understanding of boundaries. Here’s the highlight real:
• A man was having trouble with the credit card scanner so I leaned over to help him, and he breathed in deeply and said, “Well you sure smell good,” in a way that made my blood pressure spike. He and the guy he was with laughed at me when I became visibly uncomfortable.
• An old man reached across the register to rub my shoulder as he commented on how much of one color I was wearing. I flinched away but he kept smiling.
• One guy was pretty friendly but asked way too many questions about my personal life, and sometimes held up the line if I wouldn’t answer. He once saw me walking alone in the neighborhood and pulled his truck up to the curb to call out to me and try to have a full conversation, and I felt so unsafe interacting with him without the protection of being in the store with other people around.
• Once, at the end of my shift, a guy stopped me on my way to my car to ask if I worked there. When I confirmed, he smiled and said, “They always have the most beautiful girls working there.” He drove away but I still felt unsettled, and then one of the other store employees ran up to me to ask about the interaction and informed me that the man I’d spoken to was not allowed inside the store. He would not elaborate on why.
I don’t think I was ever in genuine physical danger with most of those guys, but I was so young and so much smaller than all of them, and they never stopped for a second to think how their behavior made me feel. Just thinking about it now, the fear is still so clear in my memory even ten years later.
L.V 1 month ago
As a young adult I was working in a restaurant with lots of regulars. I was quite friendly, and a couple of old ladies told me it was nice to have a smiling and bubbly waitress for once, rather than the usual stern faces. Yeah, I quickly understood while waitresses stopped smiling, after several older guys hit on me and tried to proposition me. One even wanted to divorce his wife and marry me ( he was older than my father)
#19
This happened several years ago and to this day I cannot tell you when that man began to follow me.
The company I worked for was being restructured. I had gone into work to talk to the board of directors then was told I had like 3hrs before I would be needed again, so I could leave and come back.
That is how I found myself at 10am on a cold and snowy Wednesday in January at a mall.
Wandered around, bought a couple of things and then got an early lunch in the food court.
There were maybe 10-20 people there. Very quiet Winter day.
Tons of empty seats and chairs.
This man plopped down in the chair opposite me and began to eat. Made some comment about “finally”…
I got up to move, he followed.
He made a comment how I am being rude, and I might not look good in the dress I bought.
Made another comment about the makeup and books I bought as I got up again.
I told him to f**k off.
I moved again, he told me to “Stop it, just relax, I have been following and watching you for over an hour. Pretty girls need to be kinder and let men sit with them.”
Nope.
I got a bag from the food place to transfer it to go, told the young university students working what was up, then walked to my car.
Drove around and ended up at the library where I ate in the parking lot.
That one encounter has always stood out because I somehow missed him following me.
I missed the moment he walked over and sat down.
I wasn’t on my phone.
I don’t even remember being in deep thought, just bored from not working.
I am generally so observant and on guard in public, and this one time I wasn’t.
It freaked me out and I now ensure that if I am not in the right frame of mind I should not go on a walk or to a mall so I can remain observant.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
“Stop it, just relax, I have been following and watching you for over an hour. Pretty girls need to be kinder and let men sit with them.” Scary. Men wait to be invited. Men do not need to stalk. Following and watching makes you a predator, not a man.
#20
Drove me home from a party, wouldn’t let me out of the car unless I gave him my number.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
F**k right off. He was a p***k. Trying to force information out of you. Phone numbers should be freely given. I offer my number to women and let them decide if they wanted to contact me.
#21
Kept insisting and offering to walk me back home late at night (presumably to figure out where exactly I lived on campus at the time) after I had politely declined. Said the words, “what why? It’s not like I’m going to do anything to you.”.
#22
Once a police officer thought my house was unoccupied (I had moved in recently and there were boxes and stuff visible through the window, with no lights on). So for whatever reason, that made him think he shouldn't knock on the door but rather TAP on the WINDOW. I had called them like 2 minutes prior because of gunshots right outside lmao. His car also wasn't visible in my driveway. When I tell you I almost shat my soul out when my cats started growling at the window and then I hear tapping. .
#23
I used to work offshore on large construction/research vessels.
I had a first mate stop me on the stairway on his floor and show me where his room was and offer me to sleep in the top bunk for “privacy” while he was on shift and not in his room. I was purposefully standing as far away from that open door as possible and quickly left and told the captain as soon as I could.
He got a talking to and didn’t understand what he did wrong and was ltrying to be nice” because I was sharing a room with 3 other researchers.
Really odd that he didn’t offer this to any of the male supervisors also sharing a room.
#24
Started screaming at me and verbally abusing me over the phone over a miscommunication. He didn’t call me names but adopted the most contemptuous, mocking, and dismissive tone of voice. I couldn’t believe my ears because, up to that point, he was the first man I was able to feel remotely safe with after a disastrous marriage (he was aware I was still healing), and it was completely out of character for him.
I was willing to brush it off as a one-time exception because we were both stressed and severely sleep-deprived, but it only got worse despite my asserting my boundaries loudly and clearly. And that’s how I wound up divorced a second time.
Severe misunderstandings aside, a good man should never, ever make you feel unsafe. Learned this the hard way but am all the better for it.
#25
Getting closer and closer to me as I was crying. I knew what he was doing and kept myself turned away from him. When he reached for my face, I screamed at him asking him what the f**k he thought he was doing? His response? Trying to make you feel better.
Yeah because I'm really trying to get felt up while I'm crying. Idiot.
Neopet22 1 month ago
Happened to me too with a "friend" who insisted coming to see me at 2 am when he saw I was sad at work. Ended up coming at 3 even though I insisted he can't come later than 2. Cried in his car how lonely I felt and depressed,he gave me a hug and was feeling up my bra clasp. That was great
#26
A client walks up to me in a space where nobody else was around and says “you look just like my ex wife.” I said “oh, interesting” (because I had no idea what to say to that) and he instantly replied, with direct eye contact: “I f*****g hate my ex wife.”.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
He has a problem, he needs to deal with, in therapy perhaps.
#27
I was walking to work one day, in a Carl’s Jr uniform. I think I was maybe 16/17. I was trying to get across the street from my complex on a not very busy backroad. A black sedan cut me off and stopped in front of me. He rolled down his window and asked if I could help him out. He was holding a wad of cash, and in his other hand he was holding his d**k and stroking it.
I called my mom immediately after getting his plates. The cops got him and said he was military. It turned into a he said she said case (even though he technically admitted to it, and said I had called him over to me. I later heard there were a few other girls who had stories about the black car but wouldn’t come forward .) He got off Scott free because there were no witnesses.
Pandemonium 1 month ago
Got his plates, called her mom. She did her part right then the System failed
#28
The way I heard them talk about someone they didn’t like. The anger I could feel was SCARY. It wasn’t directed at me, but I do not do well with anger.. it just irked me.
#29
“You should smile more” dude I’m just at the Apple Store to get my iPhone fixed.
#30
Not take no for an answer in any form.
#31
Got upset when I was emotional. Showed me I am unsafe to express my feelings and have support. Showed me that he is emotionally immature and not a safe space for me to be vulnerable.
#32
"Jokes" about pushing me down the stairs while I was unexpectedly pregnant.
Walking up and standing within 2-3 inches of my behind in a line/queue and continuing to close to that distance every time I moved forward. I finally stood in front of my shopping cart and noticed he was-- excited to be there. Hadn't quite rubbed it against my backside but I'm sure it was just a matter of time and if he thought he'd get punished for it.
Engaged the child locks the second I got into his truck and watched me, grinning, for my reaction. (I left from the restaurant on my friend's "emergency check in" call. Online dating is c**p.).
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
The second comment, a complete stranger? Every woman should carry pepper spray.
#33
Showed up to my work unannounced with donuts to make my coworkers like him. Multiple times. We weren't even together. We had matched on hinge i believe and hadn't even gone on a date yet, hadn't hooked up, nothing.
WindySwede 1 month ago
That's creepy, or really out of sync at best... but guess creepy at best. Hope it went well
#34
Insisted I got off the elevator first in a parking garage.
Randomsocialmail:
I think I missed learning this one. Genuinely. What is the risk/danger to watch for here?
QueenSnowTiger:
Follow you to your car, find out your license plate, follow you home, surprise attack from behind, etc.
CF 1 month ago
Hmm. This could go either way. I could see a perfectly normal and truly nice man doing this because he was raised to be chivalrous, or simply bc someone has to exit first. After typing that I scrolled back to the title or this article: "60 Times Men Terrified Women Without Even Realizing It". This is one of the few that actually belong here, since in a lot of these examples the man clearly knew what he was doing.
#35
I'm a cleaner. I was cleaning his house. He came up to me and looked me fully up and down and said "you REALLY have a lot of tattoos don't you?" And something about the way he said it and his body language just made the hair on my body stand up. F*****g yuck bro.
Neopet22 1 month ago
Really hate when men stare at you while doing anything physical tbh. Maybe I'm overreacting but a lot of people feel self conscious when working out or cleaning and sweating in general. When I was in my early 20s and worked on retail,i was cleaning up trash from a pallet and I used to wear leggings to work which later I found out were a bit see through when I bent down. The cleaner guy we had was this huge weird older man and he tended to sweep a little too much near my department when I was there and that day,ii was cleaning up and bending down to collect the trash and ii feel him standing behind me. He was just staring at me. Needless to say this guy made my skin crawl.
#36
A taxi driver started complaining about the excess of foreigners. He started saying stuff like "Irish people aren't breeding enough". It gave big Handsmaid Tale vibes and I insisted he drop me off at a grocery store.
Eastendbird 1 month ago (edited)
My partner and I caught a cab back to our flat once. Driver had an Irish accent and my partner (also Irish) asked him where in Ireland he was from. Driver says Belfast and said he moved to London years ago because of the prejudice against Catholics in Northern Ireland. And then...as we approach our flat in east London, driver proceeds to make a series of increasingly racist statements about how "don't suppose many of your neighbours speak any English" and "far too many Muslims in this city these days" etc. DUDE! Can you not hear yourself? Seriously...
#37
At a place I used to work in, I was down in archives with some other dude and the shelves made this really loud noise being compacted. He made a comment about how it's funny you can never hear it upstairs and I realised in that moment that he could do anything he wanted to me and no one would hear me if I screamed. Nothing happened, and I don't think he meant it that way, he was just making an observation, but it made me worry.
Susie Elle 1 month ago
This is the only one where I think that the guy genuinely was just making an off-hand comment, but I can fully imagine being freaked out by it
#38
I was in college, and some of my floormates had organized a movie night. After the movie, when people were talking and not paying attention to us, he said he was “too tired” to go back to his dorm, heavily hinting that I should be “nice” and let him stay in mine. 👀👀👀 No. I didn’t want anything to do with whatever version of him would have shown up when we were alone.
#39
Out of the blue in mid conversation: "if a woman hit me I have no problem beating her for it." (Starts laughing and goes back to the original discussion he interrupted to throw this unrelated thing out there and acts like everything is fine). Didn't feel threatened at the time or like he was agitated or being aggressive at all in that moment, but it quickly made me worried.
Broke it off with him fairly quickly after that. Like there was any reason to state that and I got this feeling after that that it wouldn't even take somebody, anybody hitting him for him to want to put somebody in the hospital or worse.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
There is a difference between defending yourself in a physical altercation and escalating the situation. Hitting once is not equal to a physical beating.
#41
I took the train into the city for our date, so my car was at the train station and I had a round trip train ticket (like a 15 min train ride)
This was our first date, and when it was over, he was *adamant* about driving me back to my car rather than me take the train. I told him no thank you, I’ll just take the train cause I already paid for the ticket. He was *begging* me and it was honestly weird. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with it because I didn’t know him well, and he got kind of offended by it. Still didn’t let him drive me back though lol.
Yea. He was honestly a really strange guy. At the time I didn’t think too much about how weird the driving-me-back-to-my-car thing was, so I went on like two more dates with him and there were more and more red flags, and I realized the littlest things would cause him to like.. become incredibly upset and act strange and distant?? Plus he told me he and his ex broke up because “she wasn’t getting his hints” lol. Dude was a weirdo.
#42
Stood between me and the door.
cerinamroth 1 month ago (edited)
An apprentice handyman who was at our house when I was pregnant did this to me while I was trying to get my lunch ready in the kitchen. I am 160cm (5'3 in weird, I think) and was like a perfectly round angry bird in my 7th month. He was big enough to have to stoop in the door frame. The master craftsman who was in charge of him came back after getting the supplies he needed, I told him what had happened and he fired the guy immediately. Those are the kinds of allies we need.
#43
Boundary testing: touching, sarcastic jokes, following me, see what I will/won't put up with, plausible deniability, manipulation, road rage.
#44
Showing up to my house to pick me up for a date drunk.
Telling me they don’t believe my abuse. When I’m not the one bringing it up or inquiring or asking to talk about it…
Asking me small sexual things like blow me a kiss when I’m not even comfortable speaking to them.
Just starting to get to know each other and touching me in any way. It’s crazy how some people can think instant sexual attraction is mutual.
Chocolate llama 1 month ago
Uncomfortable touch, groping and worse is NEVER about sexual attraction but always about power.
#45
Saying wow I’m sorry that happened then ends up doing the same thing but worse 😭
Or instantly wanting s*x, to kiss my lips, or call me s**y on the first date? And throws a hissy fit because I said no respectfully. Bye.
#46
Stood in my way when I was walking in the aisle at a grocery store. When I tried to walk past him he kept moving with me. I could see that he wanted me to talk to him, his behavior was just so bizarre.
#47
On a speed dating event hugged me very tightly and asked which hotel I’d be staying at in Hawaii on a trip I was taking with my mother the following week….
He ended up on the news and was all over the FB page “Are we dating the same guy”. I reported him that night to the speed dating event. I just felt it.
#48
Figured out where I was when I sent him a photo at the time, and surprise visited.
Kristiina Männiste 1 month ago
Stalker. I foolishly sent my ex the view out of my window and he figured out where I lived, where my bedroom was located in the large house and sent me a photo of my bedroom window encircled with a red heart. The photo was taken at night when I slept..... Yup the rest of the relationship was mostly me trying to lose him and him resisting and stalking me.
#50
Talked about my v****a surgery to his best friend after I explicitly told him how private I am about my medical needs.
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What do you think ?
Paul C. 1 month ago (edited)
At our firms Christmas party a few years ago, one of the young ladies in our customer service department came over and said one of the guys from accounts was harassing a new young starter. I went and looked and he had her almost pinned to the wall. For context, I'm quite a big bloke . I didn't want a big scene so we went over and joined them with a cheery "Hello Jenny, how's my favourite niece?" She knew me from installing her PC and started talking to me animatedly. He soon moved away. Edit, I know for sure, he got the message, probably staring at him for most of the evening, reinforced it!
Jac Carr 1 month ago
You did a good thing but if we don't call these a******s out to their face nothing changes. It doesn't have to be a big scene; a little whisper of "never do that again to a woman" in his ear is enough.
Load More Replies...
Grazina Strolia 1 month ago
Turned out not to be an issue in any way at all--he was a kind, considerate man--but on our first date, he thought he'd impress me by showing off his rock-climbing skills and pick me up for our date by CLIMBING UP TO MY SECOND-FLOOR APARTMENT and knocking on my living-room window. Without telling me first. With the wrong guy, that would have made me feel so unsafe in my home.
Ellinor 1 month ago
I was arguing with a very sexist and homophobic guy and at one point he just stared at me with a huge smile and said "You know, if I punched you right now you would be knocked out and you couldn't defend yourself at all".
Oskar vanZandt 1 month ago
He sounds like he would genuinely like to do this and probably would(repeatedly) if he could get away with it...
Load More Replies...
Paul C. 1 month ago (edited)
At our firms Christmas party a few years ago, one of the young ladies in our customer service department came over and said one of the guys from accounts was harassing a new young starter. I went and looked and he had her almost pinned to the wall. For context, I'm quite a big bloke . I didn't want a big scene so we went over and joined them with a cheery "Hello Jenny, how's my favourite niece?" She knew me from installing her PC and started talking to me animatedly. He soon moved away. Edit, I know for sure, he got the message, probably staring at him for most of the evening, reinforced it!
Jac Carr 1 month ago
You did a good thing but if we don't call these a******s out to their face nothing changes. It doesn't have to be a big scene; a little whisper of "never do that again to a woman" in his ear is enough.
Load More Replies... Grazina Strolia 1 month ago
Turned out not to be an issue in any way at all--he was a kind, considerate man--but on our first date, he thought he'd impress me by showing off his rock-climbing skills and pick me up for our date by CLIMBING UP TO MY SECOND-FLOOR APARTMENT and knocking on my living-room window. Without telling me first. With the wrong guy, that would have made me feel so unsafe in my home.
Ellinor 1 month ago
I was arguing with a very sexist and homophobic guy and at one point he just stared at me with a huge smile and said "You know, if I punched you right now you would be knocked out and you couldn't defend yourself at all".
Oskar vanZandt 1 month ago
He sounds like he would genuinely like to do this and probably would(repeatedly) if he could get away with it...
Load More Replies... You May Like 40 Stories Of Men Embarrassing Themselves By Mansplaining Obvious Things Women Already Know 30 Bizarre Things Women Found Out Others Actually Go Through Too
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