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Guy Reminds Woman Of All The Things He Buys, Uses Them Against Her, Then Says She’s Hurting Him
Money makes the world go round. And as much as we all like to believe it isn’t as important as everyone thinks, the truth is, this one transactional value has the power to ruin lives and change relationships forever.
After all, in order to live a comfortable life, you need money. To pay rent, buy groceries, and ideally, even take the occasional vacation. But getting there requires a lot of discussion and clear boundaries. And a woman on r/TwoXChromosomes shared her relationship story with the internet, and well, maybe if money didn’t exist, things would have gone a little differently for them.
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Money will always be a big factor in any relationship, and it will make or break a couple’s lives forever
A guy decided to treat his girlfriend on a regular basis, however, he started using his gifts as leverage to show how unbalanced their relationship was
The man accused his girlfriend of taking advantage of him financially, despite his own actions showing he’s actually the offender
It isn’t easy to manage finances in any relationship, but the man in this story made it nearly impossible. For starters, he was displaying traits described in ambivalent sexism theory. This theory is based on the belief that men should protect and provide for women, and when that notion is challenged by a woman acting independently, the benevolent mask can drop, which it did once they broke up.
And while he accused his girlfriend of financially taking advantage of him, the SEA actually categorizes behaviors like monitoring spending and keeping score as obvious signs of economic control and financial exploitation. In fact, he constantly demanded that she pay him back for every single thing and withheld her property, namely her clothes and even small gifts, as ransom.
Unfortunately, he is hardly the only person whose financial mistreatment and exploitation have played a role in a breakup or separation. In fact, according to the Center for Financial Security, this form of financial coercion occurs in around 99% of domestic violence cases. Now, more often than ever, young adults may experience less physical forms of violence, with financial intimidation often being a tactic used by aggressors.
The power dynamics in the relationship were vastly different and it could even escalate post-breakup
For many, the gift-giving part may not even ring any bells or raise any red flags. But experts actually say otherwise. Greenberg’s indebtedness theory suggests that receiving an uninvited or conditional gift can create psychological discomfort and make someone feel obligated to reciprocate. And people who are “coercive givers,” much like the boyfriend in this story, may use gifts to manipulate others and create leverage.
His behavior post-breakup was also in line with some worrying statistics, because apparently, the U.S. Department of Justice reports that more than 70% of intimate partner stalking and harassment occurs after a relationship has ended. Things like withholding someone’s property can actually be a post-separation control tactic used to force the other person to stay in contact.
And while some might think that her decision to let go of her own things is mind-boggling, one could certainly see why. However, specialists strongly advise victims of financial exploitation to go strictly no-contact and avoid engaging with or provoking their abusers by cutting off all direct channels of communication. So, the clothes are the least of her concerns when her safety and peace of mind are at stake. So, what would you have done in her situation? Let us know!
Readers were baffled that the man was only looking for validation from transactional relationships
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Tabitha 55 minutes ago (edited)
“He gives the example that his exes left him when he would always help them.” A variation of “All my exes are crazy”. Thing is, exactly WHO is the common denominator in ALL those ex-relationships? HIM! HE is the problem, with his scoreboard mentality. OP’s ex knew full well she’s a student, so definitely not rolling in money, while he’s making bank, and still expects her to pony up for groceries and travel to see his sorry a*s? Asking, notice how quick to anger he was when she broke up with him, and how quickly he gathered his family together to menace her? What a bunch of as*hole losers. How long has he been talking bad about her behind her back to his family that SHE’S a gold digger? What’s OP’s major? Something that will pay exceptionally well once she graduates and starts working in her field? Did he think, if they stayed together, that she’d pay him back for all the c**p he did that she never once asked for? Or was he going to try to convince her to drop out of college and be his trad wife who he would trade in for a younger model once she hit 40? 40 with NO work experience, no degree, and 15 year old partial training in her field? F*ck that sh*t. Get a restraining order and a Ring doorbell camera, and have the local cops on speed dial if he or any of his sh*tty family ever show up again. I am happy she told him Bye, Boy, but I also hope she stays safe. She needs to rally friends and family to never let her be alone in case he does show up, or waits somewhere outside the restraining order’s limits to try to get to her. Same if he tries to sue her for the $600 he says she owes him for the trip HE wanted to go on, and begged her to come along on. He will be laughed out of court, but it will still be a pain in the a**e for OP to show up. I hope she’s rid of him quickly, but I do pity the next in what is probably a very long line of women he live bombs then abuses like this.
Tabitha 55 minutes ago (edited)
“He gives the example that his exes left him when he would always help them.” A variation of “All my exes are crazy”. Thing is, exactly WHO is the common denominator in ALL those ex-relationships? HIM! HE is the problem, with his scoreboard mentality. OP’s ex knew full well she’s a student, so definitely not rolling in money, while he’s making bank, and still expects her to pony up for groceries and travel to see his sorry a*s? Asking, notice how quick to anger he was when she broke up with him, and how quickly he gathered his family together to menace her? What a bunch of as*hole losers. How long has he been talking bad about her behind her back to his family that SHE’S a gold digger? What’s OP’s major? Something that will pay exceptionally well once she graduates and starts working in her field? Did he think, if they stayed together, that she’d pay him back for all the c**p he did that she never once asked for? Or was he going to try to convince her to drop out of college and be his trad wife who he would trade in for a younger model once she hit 40? 40 with NO work experience, no degree, and 15 year old partial training in her field? F*ck that sh*t. Get a restraining order and a Ring doorbell camera, and have the local cops on speed dial if he or any of his sh*tty family ever show up again. I am happy she told him Bye, Boy, but I also hope she stays safe. She needs to rally friends and family to never let her be alone in case he does show up, or waits somewhere outside the restraining order’s limits to try to get to her. Same if he tries to sue her for the $600 he says she owes him for the trip HE wanted to go on, and begged her to come along on. He will be laughed out of court, but it will still be a pain in the a**e for OP to show up. I hope she’s rid of him quickly, but I do pity the next in what is probably a very long line of women he live bombs then abuses like this.
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