Thanksgiving is supposed to be a holiday full of delicious food and warmth spent in the company of your family. However, such family occasions have the potential to become emotionally charged and explode, leading to fights, yelling, and even banishment. Yup, banishment. Usually, it’s safe to say that fights start when someone mentions politics or religion. But sometimes, arguments can be sparked by… a pair of glasses.
One internet user turned to Imgur for help because he got himself in quite a pickle after standing up for his girlfriend in front of her mother. Her demanding mom told her to remove her glasses for a photo and this distressed her because she sees her glasses as an inseparable part of her identity.
When her boyfriend defended her and told her mom that they won’t be doing any of this, an argument broke out. The result? Imgur user Silverpattern0112 was banished from his girlfriend’s family and is now sifting through tens and hundreds of pieces of advice on the best way to deal with the situation.
An Imgur user turned to the internet for help with a delicate situation…
…and it involves Thanksgiving, his girlfriend, her mother, as well as a pair of glasses
People had different advice to offer the Imgurian. Some suggested that the couple get their own apartment to live in to help the girlfriend escape her controlling mother. Others exclaimed that the boyfriend did everything right by standing his ground and not giving in to emotional manipulations. While still others joked that Silverpattern0112 should make comments about his girlfriend’s mother’s appearance every time she criticized her daughter.
Bored Panda reached out to Dan Bacon, who founded The Modern Man website, to talk about partner-parent relationships, especially what a boyfriend should try to do if things go sour.
“Focus on ensuring that she feels enough respect, attraction and love for you that her parent’s opinions become secondary. If a woman loves a man enough, she will try to be patient and work things out between her man and her parents,” he explained.
“If her parents still don’t accept him, but she is totally in love with him, she will almost always follow her heart and focus on building a life with her man, rather than leaving the love of her life to satisfy her parents,” Bacon said. “After all, she is the new generation. It’s on her now to find a man, have a family and live in the world of today. Her parents met and raised a family in yesterday’s world.”
Bacon noted that it is “always best” to respect your partner’s parents and try to understand their values. However, it is also vital that you’re respectful of your own values.
“You should understand that her parents will likely stick to their values all the way, so there’s no point fighting with them about it. Instead, understand where they are coming from and understand that in time, they may eventually come to accept you and love you for who you are.”
You should respect your partner’s parents, but not at the cost of the relationship
Bored Panda also asked Bacon whether somebody should break off the relationship if their partner’s parents’ dislike grows to very high levels. Bacon’s answer was a resounding ‘no.’
“There’s no need to move on if you truly love her because you’re in a romantic relationship with her, not her parents. The parents are important and should be respected, but they are secondary to the romantic relationship between the man and woman,” he stressed.
“It’s important to understand that almost everyone thinks that their way of living life is the right way and everyone else’s way is wrong. In life, it’s best not to waste energy trying to convince everyone to live life the way you do,” Bacon said.
“Instead, just understand that people have different motivations and reasons for living life the way they do. You might not get that level of understanding back from people about how you live your life, but give it to others. In time, they will realize their mistake. They will realize that they could have loved and accepted you the whole time and it wouldn’t have been a problem.”
Do you have any other advice to help people deal with their loved ones’ parents? What do you think people should do if they’re disliked by their gf or bf’s parents? Share your thoughts with us in the comments, dear Pandas.